THE COST

It is three o'clock in the afternoon and the day is the longest of the year. The weather is warm and people are doing what they usually do when coming to Diagon Alley: shopping, being rude, and running errands with important looks on their faces.

To an individual who frequents this area no overt evidence of the anxiety that has cloaked this community in the last eighteen months can be seen. But to the occasional visitors the tension is palpable.

Here and there adults chat causally, a mother watches her children eat ice cream on a patio table outside a restaurant, people exit and enter stores every so often. Though for a cloudless day like this one the number of people in the streets is few. Those who hurry into the doors of buildings look those who are standing outdoors at with a judgmental eye.

To Lily, Diagon Alley was a place she had always looked forward to visting. She loved the smells and the stores filled with things she still wasn't completely familiar with. Every time she came she saw something new and learned what it was called and what it could do.

Sometimes she would just sit and watch people. Though it had already been years since she had entered this world, at a certain level she still felt like an outsider. Kids would pass by her who she knew had grown up with broomsticks and talking letters. Some would play with gadgets she hadn't even seen until she was twice their age. She tired hard to adopt the lexicon and would causally refer to anything magical whenever she could. Her husband was even a pureblood wizard who had never visited a muggle house until she'd showed him hers. She was aware of her roots and continued to harbor a constant recognition of her disparities. It was like being in a foreign country where everyone speaks your language but no one shares your customs.

Today she and James had come to buy things for the baby that was due in only a few weeks. His nursery was already painted and furnished; everything that was needed was there. But Lily wanted to buy more magic toys and books for him. She wanted him live his entire life feeling this washis world.

She stood outside Flourish and Blotts, bags hung over each shoulder, bouncing her leg. Where was James? She hoped he hadn't forgotten to meet her here. It was like him to get distracted and let hours go by. An irritated sigh escaped her. She didn't want to have to go tramping about looking for him for half an hour like last time.

Getting annoyed, she turned to march down the street. If she had to she would search every shop in both Diagon and Knockturn Ally, and oh, when she found him she'd let him know exactly why it was when they were to go shopping 'together' they were going to stay 'together'.

Suddenly James came running up to her. A dark expression lingered on his face.

--Where have you been! You left me waiting here, not even sure if you were coming!

--I'm here. Let's go.

James started walking briskly; Lily glared at him for a moment, wanting to argue. He stopped and went back to her.

--Sorry I wasn't exactly on time. I got caught up.

Lily rolled here eyes. James added, glancing around before he did:

--Ran into a Death Eater.

This got Lily's attention.

--What happened? Are you all right?

--I'm fine. Saw a suspicious fellow. Thought I'd do a little spying.

He smiled.

--You didn't.

--No worries, they hardly knew I was there. They were up to the terribly sinister task of buying knotgrass and ginger.

Lily looked a bit relieved. James then gave a smirk.

--Best part for last. Guess who it was.

--You've got to be kidding! They are killing people! People that we know are dying and you're acting like this is some silly game!

Lily's outburst attracted attention from a woman who sat nearby.

--Lily it was only Snivillus. It's not like I ran into Voldemort.

Upon having overheard this, the woman gave them an anxious look and left.

--What? You saw Severus? He's really a Death Eater?

--Have you been living under a confundus charm? Are you surprised? He's been up Malfoy's arse since third year. All his friends are--everybody who knows, KNOWS! Even wizards in America probably know, he never hid it, you know that! I bet muggles know!

--He hasn't been seen doing anything…it isn't official.

Now James rolled his eyes.

--Well if it makes any difference I saw it.

--It?

--The Dark Mark. When he was getting his money out to pay.

--God.

She put her hand to her mouth, not out of shock but because one more piece of her not so long ago past had dissolved. Since leaving Hogwarts her life had seemed to have spun faster and faster, she felt that if she wasn't careful it would spin out of control. Her parents were dead; Petunia had disowned her, the threat of the Death Eaters, her unexpected pregnancy. And Severus was now without a doubt among the ones she had signed up to fight. In the recent years she had come to regret her behavior when she had refused to remain his friend. She thought that things had ended messily and she wished she'd been able to help him more. Maybe then he wouldn't be…

Oh all these hormones, she thought, I'm going to cry again.

James noticed her wet eyes.

--Seriously Lily?

--You didn't know him before.

Why did she feel so guilty? She couldn't control other people. He'd chosen his way and she'd chosen hers, she'd always told herself. She slammed her foot on the ground in anger.

--It's all him, all Voldemort! He'sinfecting everything around us! Everyone is scared. When is it going to stop? How is it going to stop?

--Dumbledore says-

--I don't care! I feel like we're losing!

A few tears drifted down her cheeks. James held her in his arms.

--We're not.