Chapter 10: Reunion
"Spike? Why are you…how….what are you doing here?" Hanna could barley get her words out.
Spike nervously rubbed the back of his neck.
"Well…uh….I had to help Buffy with something."
Buffy turned to Dawn. "I think I heard someone at the door."
Dawn gave Buffy a puzzled look. "I didn't hear anything…"
"Dawn, door now."
"Oh right, yeah we'll just go answer the door." Buffy and Dawn quickly left the kitchen, but stayed close enough to hear the conversation.
"You look different. You cut your hair."
Spike was grasping blindly for things to say to her besides I love you and take me back. It felt awkward to be this close to her after eight months of nothing.
Hanna just looked at him as if he was sprouting two heads.
"Why are you staying with Buffy?"
Ok so no small talk. Spike didn't blame her. She wanted an explanation not an idiotic observation.
"My crypt is trashed and there are probably other vampires living there now. I had no where to stay while in SunnyDale so the slay…Buffy invited me to stay here."
Hanna nodded in understanding and then there was silence again. Spike was about to speak and try to break it when Hanna beat him to it.
"I got it done yesterday."
"What?" Spike was confused.
"My hair. I cut it yesterday."
"Oh…it looks good."
Spike had no idea what to say. He knew they should talk about what happened that horrible night when everything came crashing down, but he didn't know how to get there without being obvious and callous to her feelings.
"Thanks…"
Silence…
Spike was trying so hard to find some way to tell her how sorry he was that he had lied, that he had betrayed her trust and that he understood why she hated him. He wanted to tell her to be happy that he would always be there in case she needed him. To tell her that it would be ok because he was not staying long, and that even though he was getting his chip out that he would never hurt her or any of her friends. Or even that boy she was dating. He looked up at Hanna. He was surprised by what he saw. She was crying. Not sobbing, but quietly crying. Large, fat tears falling onto her pale cheeks. She reached up and tried to wipe them away, but many more just took their place. Spike wanted to kick himself. Seeing him must have upset her greatly. She didn't want to see him. Didn't want to talk to him. Probably didn't want to be in the same country as him. He should have ran when he had the chance. He didn't want to ruin her life anymore than he already had. He sighed. He should just apologize and then go back down to the basement.
"I'm sorry Hanna."
She looked over to him with huge watery eyes. Spike had to look away from her. The time when he would just hold her and tell her he loved her to make her tears stopped had long since passed.
"I'm sorry. I didn't think I would cry. I just…its hard to see you knowing…."
"No no I know. Knowing what I am, and knowing that I betrayed you."
Hanna looked at him puzzled. Spike of coarse wasn't looking at her so he continued. "I know its hard, but I wont be in SunnyDale long. Just enough to handle the big baddie and then I'm leaving so…you wont have to put up with someone who you hate. I'm sorry you had to know I was here. I didn't want you to find out. It was harder because I didn't know you were friends with Dawn." Spike finally looked over at her and again was surprised. She had a hurt look on her face, and her hand was pressed to her mouth almost like she was in shock. Spike didn't know what to say. He tried to say everything as calmly as he could and tried to alleviate some of the distress that seeing him had given her. But his words just seemed to upset her further. Maybe she didn't even want to hear him speak at all.
"Spike. You're an idiot."
That was the first thing she had said in a while and it was an insult. Well he couldn't blame her. Out of all the scoobies she was the only one with the right to hate him and want to insult him.
"I know. I shouldn't have come back. I can leave tonight."
"Just stop." She spoke it with such force Spike halted in his thoughts and looked up at her once more.
"How dare you."
Hanna's voice was filled with anger and Spike took a deep breath to prepare himself. She had been waiting eight months to finally punish him for what he had done to her the night she was hurt by the vampire.
"I know Hanna. I know…"
"No you don't know! You don't know anything! Did you come back to torture me some more?"
"No of coarse not I…"
"How dare you act like the victim when I was the one who has been in pain for eight months. You were gone eight months Spike and then you just show up…act like I was the one who betrayed you and then tell me you're leaving again. I know you don't care about me anymore but now you're just twisting the knife."
She was panting heavily from all of her anger and tears were still running down her cheeks. She had her hands on her hips and was glaring at Spike, but hurt was also reflected in her blue eyes.
Spike was dumbfounded. What was she talking about? She was the one who told Spike to leave. Wait, she was the one who moved on to someone new. She was the one changing her look and going out on dates and forgetting all about him. He had every right to feel like the victim. Yes he did lie, but he only did it because he was scared and then he opens up to her and she rejected him. Damn right he was hurt. After months of hurting and being angry Spike finally let out what he was feeling.
"I am twisting the knife. I think you're confused Hanna. You weren't the one who was kicked out of someone's life. You weren't the one who had to move and leave everything behind. You weren't the one who was rejected after finally being completely honest. And after what I saw last night, you don't seem too broken up about us. Why don't you go run to that boy of yours instead of yelling at me? He'll take care of you won't he? How long did it take you to find someone new huh? A week? You women are all the same. Its all rainbows and sonnets until love gets hard and messy. That's when you run, that's when you push away. You wanna see someone good at torture you should take a look in a bloody mirror."
Hanna was shaking and was crying more than before. Her hands were at her sides balled into small fists. She looked so angry and hurt. Spike almost wished he hadn't said anything at all. She walked over to Spike who was blocking the doorway to the living room and stood right in front of him. She removed something paper like from her jeans pocket and ripped it in half and threw it on the floor. Spike eyes moved to rest on what seemed like two blanks sheets of paper. He didn't understand she did that for, but it must had meant something.
"What was…"
Before he could ask the rest of his question Hanna raised her hand and slapped him as hard as she could right across his face. Spike was so stunned he didn't even raise a hand to block it or protect himself. It hadn't hurt. She wasn't very strong. But for Hanna to hit him. Sensitive, sweet, innocent Hanna to hit him. She must really be angry.
"You are more of a monster then I ever imagined."
With that she moved around him and out into the living room. Spike heard the front door slam and when she was gone he allowed himself to move. He was still in shock and his entire body felt numb. He, almost in a daze, bent down and picked up the two torn pieces of paper and turned them over. His own eyes started to well with tears and he looked at Hanna's and his own smiling face staring back at him. She kept the picture. It was even with her. she couldn't have known that Spike was here considering her surprise. She had kept the picture with her. even for such a small thing it had to have meant something to her. Hanna was right. He was an idiot.
*************************Later that night***********************************
"Spike you can stop hiding she isn't going to come back."
Dawn was standing at the top of the stairs squinting in the darkness. After Spike and Hanna's fight Spike went back down to the basement and hadn't come back out all day. Not even to eat. As much as Dawn was angry with him, she was still worried over her friend. Spike lay their on his cot staring at Hanna's smiling face. He had been in that that same position all day and he didn't have the energy to move. His stomach was aching with hunger, but he was too ashamed and too miserable to move from the dark basement that he so very much deserved to be in. He heard Dawn's footsteps as she descended the stairs, but he didn't care. He was not going to move and there was nothing she or anyone else could say to change his mind. He felt the cot sink a little near his feet, but again he didn't pay her any mind.
"Spike, this is not helping. You need to stop moping and apologize to her. Don't you think she deserves that much?"
Spike looked over at her trying to see him in the dark.
"She deserves much more than that Nibblit. Much more than I can give her."
"Don't you see? She wants you. She still loves you."
"She's with someone else. Someone normal. Someone who's not a monster."
"No Spike, she started dating him like a week ago to help her get over you. I know what you thought you saw last night, but she told him she wasn't ready for kissing yet. She doesn't care about your undead status she just wants to be with you again."
"No, I shouldn't have come back. She called me a monster and she was right. I am one. I dead thing that isn't supposed to be on this Earth. She deserves someone normal. Someone safe. Someone who will be able to give her…"
"Oh my god! Do you know who you sound like?? What is it with you vampires and getting on this kick about what people deserve? About what is normal? For a vampire who hates Angel as much as you claim you are sure mastering his brooding skills. I mean really Spike give me a break! You are never one to give up. You fight for what you want especially love. You would have gone to the ends of the Earth for that crazy psycho path Drusilla, but you won't even get the balls to apologize to Hanna? Come on, stop acting like a nancy boy, turn on the freakin' lights, take a shower because you smell like whiskey and tobacco, buy some flowers and get on your knees and beg for freakin' forgivness!"
Spike sniffled. "What is she rejects me again?"
Dawn huffed. "Then at least you know you tried your hardest to get her back. Spike I know you ok? I know you have low self esteem and you cover it up with sarcasm and bravado, but you need to take a risk and try again. OK? Everyone deserves to be happy including you. Please just say that you'll at least come up stairs and eat something? If you feel better after that then we can work on your apology. Please just try? I don't want to see you turn out like Angel, obsessed with being good and trying to be normal, trying to act human and be something he's not and I don't want Hanna to be like my sister. Jaded and so afraid to open her self up that she can't love anyone and nobody can love her."
Spike got up and flicked on the lights.
Dawn smiled at him. "Hey there you are."
Spike smiled back weakly and then sighed. "You're right about one thing."
Dawn cocked her head to one side in question.
"I don't want to be anything like tall, dark, and forehead."
Spike and Dawn walked up the stairs together and were laughing happily when Buffy walked over to Dawn looking shocked. Dawn quickly rushed to her sister's side.
"Buffy what is it? What's wrong?"
Buff slowly looked at her sister. "Angel's coming…"
Dawn looked confused. "Wait…coming here? Now? Why?"
Buffy sighed. "He said he needed to tell me something important and that he wanted to help take down the Initiative, apparently someone on his team has visions and they saw that I needed help."
"Well did he give you a hint as to what the important thing was?"
"He said it might make up for what he did…I don't know… he was very vague. He just said he would be here in a few days."
"Wait just a bloody minute…I am not living under the same roof as the Poofter. I don't care if I have to live with this blasted chip the rest of my unlife I am leaving."
Spike made his way to the start of the basement steps before Dawn rushed to stop him. "OK first of all, Mom likes you way more than Angel so he wouldn't be staying here. Second, you need your chip out incase it decided to malfunction and third you have unfinished business with a certain someone crying their eyes out right now. You are not going anywhere Spike. You made a deal with Buffy, we need your help, and Hanna deserves the truth."
Dawn folded her arms in a stance that said just try and argue with that.
Spike sighed. "You're right Bit, I'm sorry. I'll stay. You mum really likes me more?"
Buffy interjected. "Well yeah, you never took my virginity, became crazy and tried to kill everyone."
"Good point cause that would be disgusting. The sleeping with you part, not the killing all of you part."
"Gee thanks Spike."
"No offense Slayer."
"None taken. Anyways, I need to call Giles and make sure he is here when Angel arrives in case this is a prophecy that he found or something. And then I need to talk to Mom and the Scoobies."
Dawn turned to Spike when Buffy had left. "And you mister need to eat then shower, then work on your begging skills. I'm gonna go see if Hanna can come over for lunch tomorrow."
"No wait! Tomorrow?? Give a bloke sometime to think. I can't see her so soon. Besides she'll still be angry and don't you kiddies have school?"
"On a Sunday? No. And I'm gonna go call Hanna before you slink back down to the basement."
Dawn rushed off up the stairs to her room.
Spike stood there stunned. He was going to have to face his Hanna tomorrow. Right after he had said all those horrible things to her. He was going to have to plan this carefully and not say the first thing that came to his mind. Bloody hell…he was in trouble.