Ultra 64 makes good on that promise of a sequel in Mega Man 3!
AUTHOR'S CUT: this is the NES version of Mega Man 3; the Game Boy version, known as Rockman World 3 in Japan, is very different.
-=23=-
It's a little bit after Mega Man 2, and Dr. Wily is going back to his old ways with Dr. Light.
Dr. Albert Wily: This is entirely based off of moral repentance for past transgressions and is no way related to a secret plot to take over the world.
Seems legit, especially since they're building a new robot named Gamma together. Mega Man himself doesn't buy it.
Mega Man: why would Dr. Wily, who had spent the better part of two games going after my head, work with my creator on a new robot? It doesn't add up.
Roll Light: Maybe his brain got fried when you hit him with Bubble Lead one too many times in the last game?
Mega Man: Maybe... maybe he's just being a dick. Either way, I'd best see what's up.
Meanwhile, eight new robots are decimating the city. Purported to have been created in space, these new robots are themed after things! Guess whose they are?
Roll Light: Stardroids!
No, Roll, that's in the Game Boy series.
Mega Man: uh... a long lost recolor brother OC do not steal?
Funny you should mention that. Soon after starting Magnet Man's stage, he encounters a new robot in town by the name of Break Man.
Break Man: I will break you.
Mega Man: did you REALLY have to quote Ivan Drago?
Break Man: Well, my name IS Break Man. What, did you think I was a robot that took paid vacations from the nine-to-five work day every day?
No. He's a pushover. Mega Man trashes the guy, but Break Man leaves before Mega Man finishes the job. Later, in Magnet Man's boss room...
Magnet Man: I make magnet missiles!
Mega Man: are they torpedoes, anti-aircraft, or ICBMs?
Magnet Man: they are actually missiles that are magnets. Like, literal Magnet Missiles.
Magnet Man gets repelled, and Mega Man gets the first big upgrade he's had in a year or so: RUSH!
Rush: woof woof! ("we are the priests of the temples of Syrinx!")
Mega Man: I got a actual dog named after what I get when I slide for too long. Awesome.
Next on the docket, Needle Man, who has a spike for a head. Knowing Mega Man, this battle could only end in tragedy.
Mega Man: I just got spike insurance, thank you very much! Contrary to popular belief, my armor's NOT made of tinfoil.
Moving on, Needle Man approaches!
Needle Man: I shoot needles at you!
Mega Man: Is that it?
Needle Man: one thousand needles!
Needle Man gets punctured and so our eponymous blue friend here gets Needle Cannon, a rapid shot that fires little tiny ice cream cones.
Needle Man's Ghost: they're needles!
Well, they LOOK like ice cream cones. Moving on to Snake Man, herald of St. Paul, Minnesota! -mic drop-
Cobra Commander (G.I. JOE!): How many references are you going to make to ancient fanfiction, N?
As many as it takes for people to read them. Back on topic, Snake Man is soon de-fanged by Mega Man, and relinquishes the Ground Hunter. Wait no, wrong series; make that Search Snake. Mega Man advances to HARD MAN!
Hard Man: I am actually a rock! Don't shoot!
Mega Man: why not?
Hard Man: it would mess up my pretty face!
Hard Man and his face are soon softened, with Mega Man getting Hard Knuckle for the trouble. Next stop: Gemini Man!
Gemini Man: THE MERGING IS COMPLETE!
Protoss Archon (StarCraft): PoWeR oVeRwHeLmInG! -splash damage-
Gemini Man splits up and Mega Man got Gemini Laser by letting Search Snake do all the work. NEXT!
Spark Man: I'm electrifying!
Mega Man: that's a pun? Be thankful I'm shorting your circuits.
Spark Man burns out, and so Mega Man moves on to the worst Robot Master by means of appearance alone: Top Man.
Top Man: LET IT RIP!
Top Man spins out of control, and Mega Man moves on to the final new robot: Shadow Man!
Shadow Man: I'm a ninja! The shadows are my friend, the light is my enemy!
Mega Man: there isn't a shadow in your entire damn stage.
By dishonoring Shadow Man (and subsequently causing him to commit ritual suicide), Mega Man thinks he's won. And then eight more robots show up, or more accurately one robot shows up eight times, bearing the weapons of past robots from the past. Also known as "the part where you fight Mega Man 2's robots again." Break Man joins in too, but his fighting style doesn't change.
Mega Man: Hey, thanks for defeating my arch nemesis, Road Block Man, Break Man.
Break Man: oh by the way, my name is not Break Man.
Mega Man: what is it, then?
Break Man: you'll find out.
Mega Man soon discovers that yes, Dr. Wily was behind it all along!
Mega Man: what a surprise. Wily, what the hell, man?
Dr. Albert Wily: being the good guy sucks! It's all about helping someone for the "greater good!" and "charity" and all that crap! I wanna rule the world, but I can't do that as the good guy!
Mega Man: Don't you know anything about 1990, man?
Dr. Wily Wily Machine 3 gets absolutely demolished, but not before Dr. Wily escapes to a second skull on the map.
Player: awwwww... DAYUM!
Dr. Wily pilots Gamma, the giant robot. Mega Man cheeses his way into a victory using Top Man's stupid spinning pirouette thing. Turns out Gamma was a LOAD BEARING BOSS, and debris falls on Mega Man. Fortunately, Break Man's crappy recolor/alter ego is on the scene!
Break Man: Nope, still a wimp. See you next game!
As the castle falls, Dr. Light hears a whistle.
Dr. Thomas Light: wait, it can't be... Protoman?
Who is Protoman? And will Mega Man survive the next... oh say... twelve games? There's only one way to find out!
ULTRA 64
Ultra 64 Episode 210
Game Data
Mega Man III
© 1990 Capcom
Genre: Action-Platformer
Max Players: 1
N walked out of Studio 64's Narrator's Booth, wearing a red bodysuit very similar to that of a bunnygirl's, and black tights. Surprisingly, he didn't wear the bowtie so intrinsically associated with the costume. Ivy Wilde, the actual owner of the thing, asked "What the hell are you doing in my magic costume? It's not meant for you!"
"It's almost cosplay day, so I thought give our viewers a taste of what they'll be expecting. Besides, it's comfortable; though it's kinda loose around the chest."
"Well, yeah, because it's meant for me! I'm the one with breasts!"
"Not all the time."
Ivy, who was cursed to turn from female to male when cold water is splashed on her skin, merely said "Touche. If you must wear it, though, I'd suggest wearing some extra accessories to go with it."
"Alright then, I'll save that for cosplay day. In the meantime, look at these commercials while I change back. I promise I won't take too long in the mirror."
()COMMERCIAL6 - ROCKETLEAGUE
"Ladies and Gentlemen, get ready for some high-flying action! Edgaroni Pasta and Three Lives Media present Rocket League LIVE! See the best and brightest drivers compete in some amazing stunt sports as they compete in Rocket League! The ball must go in the net by any means necessary in a dream versus match between DeLorean Time Machine and the Batmobile! Then, see a two on two battle in futuristic hovercars representing the F-Zero circuit and AG FX500 League! Finally, the main event, the Rocket League Pro League's championship match! You'd better believe it's going to be amazing! Kids' seats are just five bucks! Edgaroni Pasta and Three Lives Media present: Rocket League LIVE! Tickets are available at all Ticketmaster outlets and by calling the Rocket League hotline at 1-ROC-KET-LEEG!"
()PROMO3 – COMING SOON...
"In a world-class fighting tournament, anything can go wrong. Fortunately, it only happens once a year, so what do the fighters of the tournament do in the meantime? If it's anything like the King of Fighters tournaments, the participants usually try and not kill each other. It's harder than it sounds. Radiant Falcon Fan Works #12: Neo Geo Chronicles Pro. Keep the fire alive. Coming soon!
()COMMERCIAL7 – HI-POTION ENERGY DRINK
"Hello, N here. You know, doing Ultra 64 for two seasons might seem like a hard task. It is. That's why I drink Hi-potion. Hi-potion is what keeps me going through the day. It's packed with vitamins and herbs that promote energy and stamina recovery. You may be asking, hey wait, doesn't that other energy drink do the same thing? You know, that one with the letter on the front of the can? Well yeah, but Hi-potion tastes better. It also boasts five times greater stamina recovery than regular Potion, so you KNOW it'll work. And if it doesn't work, you're probably dead. Hi-potion is a part of the Potion Products family, and is available exclusively at Sundries. Mention this ad for a 10% discount, and tell them N sent you."
WE NOW RETURN TO ULTRA 64!
Rather than N being on camera to sign off, Ivy was there instead. "I think N is taking a bit of time to take off my magic bunnygirl suit; probably looking in the mirror checking himself out. What he doesn't know is that he can't take it off so easily. It's a magic suit, after all; and after her last show I had Mavis enchant it so that it sticks on the person who it's not made for. It's not made for him, so he's definitely wearing that for cosplay day."
a loud scream was heard on the other side of the studio, presumably belonging to N.
"I think he just found out. Well, for N Weaver and the Ultra 64 Crew, I'm Ivy Wilde. Hopefully I'll be around for cosplay day. Later!"