Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nada.

I opened the door meeting Marian's look of displeasure. "Is there a reason you locked me out of my own room?"
I stepped outside with a twirl giving her a full view of my dress. "Because I couldn't well wear this walking into the castle. Too much dirt to get on it. Plus it would ruin the surprise."
I had completed my birthday dress. As it was my birthday it was only right to wear it. The silk lining did wonders to make my skin feel smooth and cool in the dwindling summer heat. After a look in Marian's mirror I realize the blue of the dress really did make my eyes sparkle as Rafael had thought it would. I had washed my hair in the grotto before light and now let it fall in light waves down my back making my skin seem more warm than it's usual cool tone.
I had incorporated a corset to the dress, something I didn't normally do, but it did complete the dress. Silver stitching swirled up the corset and lined the tops of my sleeves that left my shoulders bare. The sleeves widened into a slight bell toward the end, small silver stars at the edge. I loved the sleeves as they showed only the tips of my fingers giving it almost a magical look. That and the difference was less obvious when I pulled my hand into my sleeve to grab a weapon. A beautiful dress and even more lethal than usual. A win-win if I do say so myself.
I bit my lip, hands around my waist, suddenly unsure. "I admit I did get a bit carried away."
Marian shook her head giving me a hug. "You look absolutely lovely."
I gave her a squeeze back. "I'm also in a wonderful mood. Marian, I feel so good I'm not wearing all my knives."
"Not wearing, but carrying?"
I gave a laugh. "Yes, well the dress is a cut a bit too low to hide a knife in the bodice, and I wanted to keep my hair down. If something happens I can just put them back on my legs, but I just feel so good today."
"I'm sure that also has nothing to do with the fact you finally got your way with Robin."
I gave her a grin. "Well it is nice to finally get my way. He's not thrilled with my choices, but he is now in full understanding and even he realizes it's best. Gisborne was less nasty toward me with Allan around, even when you weren't around. Plus, now I can spend more time with you."
Marian narrowed her eyes. "Robin agreed to this because it lets you keep a closer eye on me, didn't he?"
I scrunched up my nose. "It's not the only reason. Plus, Marian you did kiss Gisborne."
"Don't you have someone else to annoy, birthday girl?" She gave me a slight smile. "I'm surprised I'm your first visit."
I felt a small rush of heat in my neck. "Of course you were my first visit."
She rolled her eyes heading into her room. "Go see him, just remember to be careful."
I shook my head going down the staircase. "Whatever you say mother."
Marian did have a point though. Allan and I had been spending more time together, since the night in the grotto. It made me feel better not to have to sneak around and lie about talking to him. I think Allan just liked the fact he could touch me again without fear of being slapped. Perhaps I was getting a bit too attached so soon after becoming friends again. Then again, perhaps I really did not care.
At the bottom of the stairs I saw him stretching his arms, apparently too tired to be awake this early. I smiled to myself, pretending I didn't notice the sudden butterflies in my stomach. From behind I placed my hands over his eyes and giving his cheek a quick kiss.
Taking my hands off his eyes he turned around with a smile. "Someone must be in a very good..." His voice fell away as he caught sight of me. The smile was replaced by a slightly open mouth, eyes a bit wide.
I felt my hair and turned to look down at my dress. "Oh damn. Please don't tell me I already got something on the dress. Is it my hair? Did it frizz out already?"
Allan took my hand, giving me a little spin around. "Sorry, I'm in a bit of shock. I knew you were making a dress for your birthday, but..." He grinned again as I turned to face him again. "I am beginning to wonder whose birthday it is."
I rolled my eyes. "Flattery will get you no where with me Allan. You know that."
He leaned against the wall holding both of my hands. "And when will you learn to take a compliment? I'm simply telling the truth."
I rose a brow. "So I suppose you want a dress for your birthday?"
His lips twitched into a smile. "Oh I'd be much happier with a simple nighttime swim."
I felt myself blush, unable to help it. "Incorrigible, you are."
He ran his fingers through my hair, smile growing. "What's this I see?" His hand reappeared holding a rose out to me. It was a deep red and devoid of thorns.
I kissed the tip of his nose, taking the rose from him. "How did you do that?"
Allan smiled pulling me forward slightly. "Sometimes I think you forget I am an expert thief. I have perfected the art of making things appear and disappear." He tilted my chin up, pressing a soft kiss against my lips. "Happy birthday Siobhan."
"ALLAN! WHERE ARE YOU?"
We both jumped. Didn't sound like Gisborne was in a good mood.
Allan held up a finger going toward the front staircase to answer Gisborne. They spoke quickly and Allan came running down the stairs, calling the guards together for a search.
He came grabbing my arm. "The Sheriff is missing."
I shook my head. "You know Robin wouldn't do anything. Not since we found out what would happen if something happened to him."
Allan gave me a look. "Someone came to check in on him today."
My eyes widened as I realized what this meant. If the Sheriff wasn't found we were all dead. If there was one thing I was sure of, it was that it would not be a swift death. "What can I do?"
"I'm sending the guards out to look. If you could give me a hand around here?"
I nodded, pulling him toward the stables. "Of course. Stables first. I know one of the stable girls, Amanda. She gets up at first light to feed the horses. That would be my first place to look."

I came up behind Allan holding and put my hands on Amanda's shoulders. "Please Sir Guy, patience." I nodded to her, rubbing her arms. "Just tell him what you told Allan and me."
She gave a nervous nod. "He said...open the gate."
Gisborne's eyes widened. "And what did you do?"
"I opened the gate. He was in his nightclothes sir. I thought it was something important."
I gave her shoulders a squeeze. "You didn't do anything wrong Amanda. You did your job."
She gave me a half smile and ran off, I imagined, back toward the stables.
Gisborne came over looking more tired than I had ever seen him. "Siobhan, go with Allan. I would not ask, but even you know what is at stake if the Sheriff is not found."
I didn't even have the heart to make a comment about the 'even I knew' comment. "I would be glad to help Sir Guy."
Allan led me out, hand on the small of my back. "We're going to need to move fast. Would you prefer to split up?"
I shook my head. "We'll get more done together. Believe it or not, I know the people to ask. When it comes to things like this no one will lie. Everyone is aware of what is at stake Allan."

"Alright. He's not been seen in Locksley, Nettlestone, or Clun."
I followed Allan down the staircase. "Worse news. There's been reports of troop movement heading this way along the North Road."
"No!" Gisborne slammed his hands on the table. "This is not HAPPENING."
Marian came in from the side entrance. "Has there been any change?" She gave Allan and I a nod before following Gisborne, determined look on her face. I wasn't sure I liked that look.
"No. If the Sheriff hadn't left on his own accord, I would believe this to be Hood's work."
"No, no, no. Hood knows the arrangement between the Sheriff and Prince John. He wouldn't let Nottingham be destroyed." Marian paused coming around to Gisborne slowly. "On this occasion, I don't think Hood is the problem. But he might be the solution."
I sidled beside Allan speaking to him in a low voice. "She has officially lost her mind. I agree with her, but Gisborne will never go along with it."
"We do not deal with outlaws." Gisborne started walking away. Marian was making sense, but his pride was on the line.
"This could be our only hope. If I could get a message to him. If I could bring him here to the castle." She must have seen me wince and realized her own words.
"You?"
I went to move forward, but Allan's hand shot out pulling me back. He spoke low, lips in my hair. "Don't. You know Marian, if anyone can get out of it she can. Besides, I don't think she's the one that's suppose to go off into the forest to give him word."
I watched as Gisborne gave the tightest of nods and stormed out the door beside us.
Marian nodded motioning us over. "Hurry. Allan take this, give it to Robin. He'll know I sent you." She pulled a chain up from where it was hidden down her top. Unclasping it she slid the ring off the chain placing it in Allan's open palm.
My jaw dropped. "Marian is that..."
She gave me a look. "This is not the time Siobhan."
"How did no one tell me?"
Allan rolled his eyes. "I think you hurt her ego Marian."
I punched him in the arm. "Pardon me for wanting to know when my friends are engaged. Again." I scrunched my nose. "Is the term re-engaged?"
Marian gave a sigh. "We weren't planning on telling anyone for a while. Not until the King came home. Do not complain so much Siobhan. Robin hasn't told anyone yet either."
I gave her a hug stepping back. "Congratulations anyway." I turned to Allan. "Shall I come with you?"
"I think I can handle delivering a message. Plus wouldn't want your dress to get dirty already."
I crossed my arms. "I meant as backup just in case they decide to riddle you with arrows once you've delivered your message."
Marian held up her hand before either of us could continue. "Children! Allan, hurry go now. Every minute we waste we come closer to dying. Siobhan, stay here with me. We need to get some planning done."
I stuck my tongue out at Allan, regressing to a five year old.
He smirked giving my cheek a kiss and whispering in my ear. "I would probably not do that. You give me ideas."
Before I could retort he was gone and Marian was smiling at me. "You know, as much as I do tend to find him annoying, I enjoy the fact he shuts you up so easily."
"Funny, I was about to say the same about how you are with Robin. Now I would like an explanation as to why you did not tell me you and Robin were engaged again. And do not give me any of that 'we were waiting for better times' line. I do not want to hear it. Think of it as a birthday present. Tell me everything."

I was standing in the hallway when Allan and Robin came in. "Robin, you and I need to have a talk later."
Robin shook his head with a slight smile. "I wish Marian had sent you instead." He gave my forehead a kiss. "Happy birthday little one."
I rolled my eyes. "Go talk to the man in charge. You can avoid this conversation for now, but not forever. No matter how short a time forever is."
He nodded heading in with his usual overconfident swagger.
I crossed my arms leaning against the wall looking Allan over. "Glad to see you are arrow free."
"The ring was the only thing that saved me."
I frowned. "This is turning out to be the worst birthday ever."
Allan held out his arms. "What can I do?"
I moved into his arms, letting myself be folded into their warmth. "Holding me would be a nice start." I adjusted my head on his shoulder giving a little sigh. "I've had a lot of bad birthday's so I can say this is the worst without any problem."
"You've never had a birthday where the entire village was suppose to be burned to the ground? That's quite a shame." He noticed my glare and gave me a kiss. "Sorry. Just trying to lighten up the mood. Hard to lighten a mood of impending death."
I grabbed his face. "Allan. For once, shut it."
He smirked. "Make me."
I shook my head. "Not rising to the bait."
"Too bad, but you do need to have nineteen birthday kisses before the day is over."
"I've never heard of that tradition be-" I was silenced as Allan pressed his lips against mine, still holding me tightly. Amazing, even with impending doom and death a few hours away I felt safe.
"Listen, I know I said it was fine you two were talking again, but I draw the line at kissing."
I jumped and saw Robin glaring at us. "I'm guessing you are off to find the Sheriff. Anything we can do to help?"
"Allan can stay in the castle, double check to see if anyone might have overhead anything else he said. Siobhan, I need to borrow you for a moment."
"Robin-"
"I just need our help with something in the village. Allan's presence won't be much help."
Before I could argue Allan nodded. "Whatever you say Robin." He turned to me with a small smile. "If you need anything, just come find me."
I watched as he walked down the hall and followed Robin.
At the gate Robin turned to me. "This we can argue about some other time. Right now I need you to help Will. I'll need to ask you both for a favor I truly do not want to ask."

I stood in front of the entryway to the town watching as the cloud of dust rose. "They're getting closer." Obvious to say, but saying it aloud make it real.
Will looked over at me. "Is it terrible to say I don't want to die just yet? I am not a coward, not afraid of death, but I don't think it's my time yet."
I gave a little lift to my shoulders. "I wake up every day thinking I might not make it home that night. Although I admit, this is not the way I would hope to go."
Will stared at me before finding his voice. "What was it like when you..." He turned his hands so I would catch his drift.
"When I tried to kill myself to force you to save Nottingham?"
He winced at my words but nodded.
I looked back out to the landscape watching the dust cloud rise further up. "It was relief. I wouldn't have to worry about being hurt, watching everyone I care about in pain, and just rest. It was death I controlled and would be quicker than torture of the Black Knights. Will, we may not share the same beliefs in Paradise, but I believe in one. My family is there. I was loosing my bit of happiness here. Before your ego grows, I am not only speaking of you. Yes, what you did to me hurt, both physically and mentally. I just refuse to dwell. Some people say you should forgive and forget. Well I forgive, but I do not forget."
I shook my head. "I have said it before and I will say it again. I am only human. A girl can only be hurt so many times before she is beyond repair. My parents deaths, you, Allan, Robin, Marian, everyone. Everyone's lectures about how I should and should not live, the many losses I have had, it wears me down. I am not saying I am weak. You should know that is something I will never be or say.
"It was a relief knowing I would be fine and everyone would still be okay without me."
"We would not be 'okay' Siobhan. Do you really think that little of yourself to think no one would miss you?"
"I never said no one would miss me. I said you would all be okay. I know people would miss me. I am not vain, but I do realize people care about me."
"Allan's not the only person that cares about you Siobhan."
I turned to face him with a sad smile. "But he understands."
Allan walked over standing on the other side of Will. By the look on his face I could tell he had not heard what we were just discussing. He followed our sights to the rising dust cloud and gave a little shake of his head. "I don't think we're going to get out of this one."
I was taken aback. This was not the positive Allan I knew.
I watched as he turned to Will not meeting my eyes. "If we do make it out do you think...do you reckon I could come back to the lads?"
Will gave a strangled laugh. "It's too late Allan. Miles too late."
"Will, don't." I pushed myself between them realizing how bad of an idea this was.
"Come on I've made a few mistakes-"
"A few mistakes?" His voice turned angry as he rounded on Allan.
Will's face contorted. "You deliberately betrayed us Allan."
He pressed himself against me, trying to get at Allan. I wasn't hyperventilating, simply not breathing. I was stuck between my ex-lover and current...well I didn't know what to call Allan at this particular time. But I was stuck between two men who meant so much to me and yet stood on opposite sides. For example Will wanted to kill Allan. Well, kill was a bit of an over exaggeration. Though I had a feeling Robin revealing he had caught Allan and I kissing hadn't exactly made Will feel any better about Allan. Perhaps 'maim' would be the more appropriate term. Allan on the other hand wanted a fresh start, though from what I knew he still hadn't fully forgiven his old friend for knocking me out. I was stuck in the middle of a fight for dominance.
Allan nodded. "All right, strictly speaking that's true. Yeah, but it's not that simple Will. I never told Gisborne where the camp is. I never betrayed Marian. I have been protecting Siobhan. I saved your life didn't I? Well? I know a lot about how this place works now. That's going to help, right? Come on, do you reckon we could all be back together again?"
"You're with Gisborne now. There's no coming back from there." He turned walking away from both of us.
"Allan..." I turned around touching his cheek, not sure of what else to say.
He shook his head. "I need to go back into the castle."
"Allan please-"
"Siobhan, don't." He shook his head hurrying off.

I stood beside Marian as Sir Jasper took off to meet the army sent to kill us. "Wonderful. You know of all the ways I thought I would die, death by army was never one of them."
Gisborne and Allan appeared behind us, wincing at what lay before us.
Gisborne's face turned to a stone. "Allan, round up the guards. Tell them to get into position."
"What guards? They're all out looking for the Sheriff."
"Then get every able bodied man into the armory."
"What? Trust this lot with weapons?"
"Right now they're going to kill all of us. For today we're all a single force."
"Are you-"
"Do it!" He ran off into the crowd.
Allan stared at me. "This should be interesting."
I untied the leather thong from my wrist and started to tie up my hair. "I'll need a bow and arrows. My knives are my last resort. That's for up close. I'll like to get a few down before they reach the walls."
"Siobhan-"
I pointed out toward the horizon as we closed the front entrance. "Impending death Allan. No time to argue. We need to prepare. Now."

I handed off several swords to boys I'd taken care of just a few years ago. I don't know what bothered me more. The fact I had done so much to keep them alive or the fact that our lives depended on these boys who still had much growing up to do.
"Allan, Siobhan, where's Marian?"
Allan and I turned moving forward to meet Will.
Allan handed him a sword. "You'll be needing this."
Will stared down at the sword in his hand and back up at Allan. "Looks like we're brothers in arms again after all."
Allan laughed. "Not exactly what I had in mind." He held out his hand to Will.
Will looked at it for a moment, before grasping it giving it a tight shake.
I threw my arms around both of their necks. "Thank the goddess."
They both gave me identical looks of shock and alarm. Once again my sanity was in question.
I gave a choked laugh. "This is the best birthday present anyone could have gotten me." I kissed Will on the cheek and grabbed Allan's face kissing him full on the lips. "If we all die today I am thankfully you two could get along for this short time."
Allan brushed his lips across my forehead, not daring to meet Will's eyes. "Go with Will. I need to finish up here."
I nodded and followed Will through the crowd toward Marian. "Thank you."
He looked me over giving me a small, crooked smile. "I'm trying to make amends. I figure since things aren't looking so good I can do everything I can to make today a little better." He still managed a slight grimace. "Although I'd appreciate it if you tried not to kiss him in front of me."
"I'll try to remember that." I smiled and gave his hand a squeeze. "As I said before, this is the best birthday present I could ever ask for. Seeing as this may be my last birthday I appreciate it even more."
Marian turned looking at us. "Any word from Robin?"
Will shook his head. "No, but I know he will die before he stops looking."
"Today that is not good enough Will."
"Marian the one person who can't die is you."
"There's no way out."
Will looked to me for help.
I couldn't help but grimace as Marian looked between us. Her face held a mixture of shock and alarm. "We promised Robin you would be safe. If we can find a way out, you need to live." I took her ring out of my sleeve and placed it in her palm closing her fingers around it.
Seeing the look on her face I realized this might be more than I could bare to see. Robin was saying in his own way that if her only way out was letting her go-brining her to Gisborne-than we had to help him do it. We had to help him let her go because he would not be able to live knowing he failed to keep her alive.
It was a promise I did not want to make. I argued to point stating I was tired of pushing Marian to make decisions we had set out for her. She was a grown woman. What broke me was the look in Robin's eyes. The look that stated this was the very last thing he wanted to do. He didn't want to think about this opinion any more than we wanted to hear it, but it was plain on his face why he had asked us to do this. He would never forgive himself if anything happened to Marian. The pain in his eyes had frozen my heart. That pain was more intense than what I had felt, and I thought I was going to die from everything Will and Allan had put me through. How Robin could stand there in front of us was beyond me.
For this reason I had promised him to keep Marian alive. Yet, for my own personal reasons I had to move on rather than see the look that was forming over my oldest friend's face.

Will turned on me, exasperated. "Aren't you going to help me?"
I threw up my hands. "What do you want me to do Will? Drug her and make her go along with Gisborne? I'm tired of fighting her, when she's a grown woman."
"So you would go back on your word to Robin?"
"I am not going back on any word. I promised she would be safe. I cannot honestly promise she will be safe with Gisborne Will. I will not force her hand in this matter." I took my place beside Allan who had been walking toward us, looking a bit dark noticing the way Will was yelling at me. "That is where I stand."
Allan placed a hand at the small of my back, knowing I wanted my hands free. As silly as it was the little things he remembered made me feel so cared for. He looked over my face and Will's face fully. "What's wrong?"
"Siobhan knows the only way to keep Marian alive is to send her with Gisborne to be married. Only Black Knights and their families have safe passage out of here. Gisborne asked Marian to marry him. This is her only way out. This is what Robin wanted and Siobhan will not help me."
"Well forget the marriage option. Gisborne didn't leave. He just came back. Apparently he told Sir Jasper he wasn't going to abandon Nottingham."
Will and I both turned to him in shock. "What?!"
The doors of the dining room banged open and Gisborne appeared above the stairs looking over all of us. He found Marian's face and spoke directly to her as if no one else was around. "If I'm going to die, than I am going to die by your side."
I hated to admit it, but that was one of the best motivational speeches I'd heard lately.
I kicked up the bow that was at my feet grabbing it quickly. "I cannot believe I am saying this, but right now I can honestly fight beside him without cringing."
Swords were taken up and those with weapons followed Gisborne outside.
Gisborne stopped Allan and I. "Allan are you truly going to allow her to fight?"
Allan met my eyes and nodded. "She picked her choice and if she wants to fight I will never stop her. Siobhan's aim is amazingly accurate and I trust her beside me. You say you would die by Lady Marian's side. Those are my feelings with Siobhan."
Gisborne's eyes flicked between us before giving a hesitant nod. "Have all the gates been shut? All the barricades secure?"
Allan's eyes grew a bit at his words. "Sir, didn't you order them back up when you returned?"
I tugged Allan's hand sliding the bow across my chest. "We can check. The barricade could buy us some time. Allan we need to hurry."
Allan nodded and we ran as quickly as we could down the steps to check the doors Sir Jasper's army were most likely to come through. "Siobhan, I need to ask you something."
"Allan, I honestly don't think this is the best time."
"It might be the only time." He pulled me against one of the market stalls. "Promise me you will tell the truth."
I tried to wiggle past him, but he had a death grip on me. "Allan we don't have time." I gave a sigh seeing the determination on his face. "If you need to do this right now make it quick."
"Are you-"
He was cut off by the sounds of hoofbeats approaching. I felt my throat go dry and blood pounded in my head. "Allan..."
Without a word he pushed back and practically dragged me through the streets. He called out toward the waiting hall. "They're here! Damn it! THEY ARE HERE!"
I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt propelling both of us into a small alcove away from the path of the horses. I tried to regain my breathing and took the bow off of me fitting an arrow to it still leaning over. My eye caught a tear in the bottom of the dress. "All day. All day, and now this bloody dress decides to rip?"
Allan pulled out his sword, giving me a look. "We're about to die and you're worried about your dress? I'm not sure if you're having hysterics or not, because it is you."
I smacked him on the arm. "Thank you for that. Now what is it you wanted to ask me?"
"Siobhan, I need to know. This is important to me. Do you-"
"GISBORNE!"
I felt my eyes go wide and swiveled my head to the courtyard. The Sheriff was marching past everyone. The Black Knights stood at attention by the order of Sir Jasper who looked completely flabbergasted. The Sheriff called him over making his mark in the book to be sent to Prince John. He turned smacking Sir Jasper across the face and telling him, in no uncertain terms, to get his troops out of Nottingham immediately.
"GISBORNE! I go away for ONE DAY. ONE DAY and THIS is what happens?"
He walked past where Allan and I were in the alcove, both still holing our weapons out. "Nice to see we had people willing to fight. Now you two are free to go do whatever you wish." Giving us a smiling nod he headed back up the stairs into the castle.
I caught Allan gaping after the Sheriff and couldn't help laughing. "Our lives should go down in the stories. This one alone should be retold hundreds of years from now."

I looked out infront of my cottage at the sunset. "I feel like I gained more than just a year today."
Arms reached around from behind giving me a slight hug. "I'm sorry that your birthday didn't turn out as well as you could have hoped."
"We're all alive and that's what really matters. We have you to thank for that Robin."
He gave me a slight smile. "Well that's why I'm here. Saving England one day at a time. And to deliver your birthday present. I told the others we could celebrate tomorrow and to let you rest, we all need it. Also I noticed Will doesn't have any new bruises. Does that mean the two of you are learning to get along again?"
"Well he gave me my birthday present so yes." At Robin's look I continued. "He and Allan got along for a good part of the day. That was what I wanted." I turned to him with a smile. "Now what is this present you speak of?"
With a sigh he gave my forehead a kiss. "It's on your bed. I should probably go."
"You just got here, I'm not tired yet."
Robin shook his head motioning down the road. "You have a visitor coming and while I agreed to your terms about neutral territory face to face with Allan isn't how I plan to spend my time here if I can help it. Goodnight Siobhan, happy birthday."
I watched Robin run out the back door and Allan tied his horse to my post. Amazing the wonderful timing everyone seems to have. One day I plan to make a perfectly timed appearance too. "Hello again. To what do I owe the pleasure?"
Allan came up the path and pulled me into his arms. "Am I not allowed to just come over and say hello? Give you a hug? Tell you I miss you and I'm glad you are alive?"
"You almost sound as if you were worried."
He frowned and slowly turned me so my back was pressed against him and we could watch the sunset. "I do tend to worry. You've given me good reason to in past."
"Attempting to sacrifice myself to save an entire village is different than doing something stupid. Honestly Allan, it is not as if I go out of my way to hurt myself. Believe it or not there was a time before you where I watched out for myself. I managed to survie, no reason to worry."
He nuzzled my neck. "Yes, well, I like it better when I can watch over you myself."
I closed my eyes tilting my head back to rest on his shoulder. My hands followed his arms down to my stomach where I squeeze his hands with my own. "Allan?"
"Mmm?" He kissed the edge of my ear and pressed his cheek against my temple.
"You said you needed to ask me a question before." I felt the tension run up his arms and his body tensed behind me. He dropped his chin to my shoulder and I twisted my neck to see his face. "Allan?"
He sighed and took me by the hand leading me inside toward the kitchen. He hopped me onto the table top and took a seat. Holding both of my hands he carefully ran his thumbs over my knuckles seeming to think. "It was very possible that we were going to die today. I was thinking about this more after you left today. I was going to let you fight beside me because I needed you next to me. I wanted to feel you by my side because if I did live my last moments today I wanted you to be the last thing I saw." He shook his head looking up at me. "Does that make me selfish? Robin said he wanted Marian protected, even if that meant she might have to marry Gisborne. It makes me horrible that I didn't want that for us isn't it?"
"No, Allan don't say that. It's not true. Robin places Marian on a pedestal too often." He winced at that, but I shook my head. "Listen to me. He places her so high she forgets how far the drop is and constantly dances on the edge. You always treated me equally to the others and that I value. You have kept me firmly grounded, so if I fall the distance is never far enough to hurt."
Allan gave me a little smile. "You do have a way with words."
"That I do. Yet you never answered my question. What was it you wanted to ask me?"
He pulled me toward him and slid me onto his lap. He took a strand of my hair twisting it around his fingers. When we finally locked eyes he gave a slight sigh. "Maybe tonight isn't the night to talk about this. Maybe we should talk another night."
I gave my head a shake and ran my fingertips over his beard. "Allan, this is something important. You never bring something up that isn't important when death is on the line. Please?"
"Are you in love with me?"
I felt like a rabbit caught in a thistle bush and right before me was the fox. "I...I...Allan."
"I knew I shouldn't have said anything." He went to push me off, but I grabbed hold of his wrist.
"I'm sorry. You just took me by surprise." I cocked my head to the side giving him what I hope was a comforting smile. "Not being funny but a subject like this is not one that you just jump into. A nice simple conversation that led up into it might have been agreeable."
"Like I said we can talk-"
"We can talk now." I stared into his eyes hands still holding to him. "Allan please don't fight with me, I don't want this to turn into one of our conversations where you just run off in the middle of it. I will be as honest as I can."
He reached out and cradled my cheek in his hand. "I wall full honesty. I've said it before. Love is not always a pleasure."
"I am being honest for as much as I know. I love you. You take care of me, treat me as an equal, and make me feel so...alive. I just don't know if I am in love with you. Do not misunderstand me Allan. I feel for you, but my time...I need my time." I closed my eyes turning my face into his palm. "I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to you."
Allan slowly nodded. "That's all I needed to hear."
I rested my hands on the back of his neck, repositioning myself on his lap. I had to bite back the smile at the look on his face. "Sorry."
His eyes turned a few shades darker. "Apology not accepted."
I leaned slightly back. "I don't like that look."
His fingertips traced a circle on my upper leg, eyes never leaving mine. "So tell me more about this dress of yours. I remember you saying something about silk." He brushed his lips every so gently against mine. His lip movement felt like the silk against my leg. I fell into his eyes images of his lips against my lips, my leg, trailing kisses to-
My hand shot out stopping his pathway up my leg. I leaned my head back slowly blinking myself back into clarity. "This isn't the time."
Allan flipped his hand over so it cradled my wrist as he attempted to compose himself. "I'm sorry. Maybe I got a bit carried away. I want to thank you for answering my question." He slid his hand down my wrist carefully looking over my hand. "There is just one more question I need to ask."

The darkness was settling in as I locked up the front door. I shut the windows and double check the backdoor. My nightly routine, just like always. As I walked into my bedroom I smiled seeing a brand new bow and quiver of arrows on my bed. I moved them to the corner of the room bring a candle over to read the note left behind.

A most happy birthday to a a lady I've watched grow up, perhaps not gracefully, but very well nevertheless. I do care about you and I like to think if Lily did make it she would have been just like you. Of course in that case I would probably have locked you both away. You always say that is it is thought that counts.
Happy Birthday Siobhan. May your wishes come true.

I shook my head with a slight smile at Robin's note. Just like Robin, add a bit of laughter and sentiment as well. Lily... I had thought once or twice what it would have been like if Robin's baby sister had lived past infancy. Perhaps I would have been her childhood companion instead of Marian's, though I am certain we would have all been close friends. What would have been different if Lily had lived? Would Robin still treat me the same way? Would any of this have even happened? After all, Lily would most likely have been married if not at least engaged and therefore been able to take proper care of Locksley in her brother's absence.
I shook my head and refolded the letter. It was pointless to dwell on things so far in the past. It was not as if there had ever been something I could have done about it anyway.
I lay back on my bed tracing a finger slowly over my smiling lips. Aside from the fact we had all nearly died, it was a good birthday. Will and Allan got along, the gang was generally in a good mood, Marian was calm again, Nottingham had been saved from the Black Knights, and Tobias was still dead. I saw all of that as a major win in my favor. Another sweet point had been Allan's 'birthday tradition' being fulfilled. My nineteen kisses. I had to admit that part was rather enjoyable.
I rested my hand on my forehead suddenly frowning at the feel of cool metal twitching against my skin. I brought both hands above my face noticing that they were still shaking from Allan's departing remarks.
"You do not have to make a decision now. I just want you to think and know I will always be here for you. You owe me at least a thought."
When I nodded he leaned back into the doorframe planting one last brief kiss on my lips.
He noticed my confused look and smiled. "You always need one extra kiss for luck."
And then he had gone.
I placed both hands across my stomach closing my eyes. A very interesting birthday, that I would agree to. Now what I needed was some sleep. My fingers twisted around each other and my stomach dropped a bit further. The question was not whether I needed sleep. It was whether or not my thoughts could calm enough to let me.
Robin hoped my wishes would come true. It wasn't a matter of hoping. It was a matter of whether or not I could accept them.

A/N: To be honest I haven't been watching it on Saturday nights. I know, horrid right? I've been watching them online & on demand. Mainly because I haven't been around. Thus spastic updates.

I think there should be more reviews, seeing as this has become a favorite story and alerted by people who have not reviewed. :sad face:

Onto my thank yous:
theinstantstar15: Yay fangirl squeal! Yeah I didn't want Will to go easy on her because in the show he really developed a vindictive side.
x-uRbAn PiXiE-x: It's been so nice talking to you. Did I surprise you I'm American? Hope you have fun on holiday!

Cowgirl: I know, I spoil you with updates all of a sudden. Of all the secondary characters in the show, that make brief appearances I adore the Fool and Carter. I can be romantic, that last part is proof. See, I'm not all mean author girl.