Sasuke
1 week earlier…

Thick sheets of icy water pummeled the soil, a wet cacophony audible from the dark, overcast skies above. Strands of hair were plastered to my face as I shielded them from the storm's onslaught under my umbrella while the sky cried simultaneously with them. The priest cleared his throat, awaiting the right moment to begin to speak. No one had arrived, not accepting our invitation of sharing our grief and sorrow of her death. She was a cheerful and wonderful person who deserved to leave the earth in the eyes of her nearest and dearest yet no one had cared to attend, prohibited by the weather or their lack of love and sympathy for her.

"We are gathered here today to pay tribute to a woman of God, Mrs Uchiha. She lived her life as a daughter, a wife and a mother," He paused for a brief moment to wipe the rain from his face. "To know her was to love her. We are here to today to show our love and support for both her and her family Not only have we sensed our own personal feeling of loss over her passing, but our heart has been drawn towards her and will continue to be with her."

The flowers in my hand struggled to stand through the rain, petals drooping at the corners, overwhelmed by the vast amount of rain drops sitting upon them. Rain blinded my vision and I struggled to see through the intensity of it, barely making out the silhouette of the priest who watched the coffin in sorrow.

"Finally, we are here today to seek and receive comfort for our sorrows, being less than honest if we said our hearts are not aching due to this situation. It is our human nature to want to understand everything now, but trust requires that we lean and rely heavily on god when things seem unclear, especially now. May she rest in peace for the rest of the Earth's days," he finished, shuddering as a cool breeze washed over us, the leaves on the surrounding trees rustling and drifting away into the distance.

My freezing hands brushed over Obito's as I passed the umbrella, shifting my weight from foot to foot as I strode forward. Hesitating to lift her coffin, my body shook vigorously, both from cold and anxiety. I couldn't express my sorrow with words or tears, my heart aching, perhaps a symptom of experiencing death daily back in the camp. It had hardened me in a way that was sickening, that I didn't feel the slightest grief over the death of a loved one. It was one of those brief moments where I wished that I hadn't joined the army in the first place; killing the innocent or else I'd be killed or jailed.

She would have been ashamed of what I had become.

From the corner of my eye, I watched as Obito held tightly onto Rin's hand the tears streaming down her face uncontrollably before handing her the umbrella and forcing his feet across the ground until he stood by my side. The others signalled for us to hoist the coffin up and carry it across to her grave, where it would be lowered down and she would never be seen by us, by me, again. I ran my fingers along the smoothness of the coffin with my free hand, it was exactly how she would have wanted it to be, as I forced my head down, acting the way I should have been.

My shoes were stained with the damp vegetation beneath my feet, as a result of the consistent rain, heaving a sigh as my mind remained unfocused from the situation. She had raised me as a child, the only person I ever thought loved me truly, sincere in her actions of care towards me, and she was gone.

My thoughts drifted back to the moment when we'd first met.

I was drenched, carrying nothing but the bag on my back. The contents rustled as I stepped back in fear, curious as to why mother had left me with strangers, claiming that they would take care of me while she hurriedly left and said no more. I was only five, just a child, and I couldn't understand why she left me there when I had never seen these people before.

The door behind me swung closed and I was trapped in a place full of people I didn't know. She walked forward as I shook vigorously with fright, and crouched down beside me whilst the man behind her, who I later found to be my estranged father, shouted for her to leave me alone.

"Poor dear, you're soaking. We better get you washed up and changed before you catch a cold," she said reassuringly as she led me inside the vast home, her lips curling into a beautiful smile, and somehow, I knew I had nothing to be scared about.

The others froze in their steps, pausing before they lowered her down into the grave that had been dug the day prior. The location was beautiful on a spring day, sheltered by the cherry blossom tree overhead. In the fall her grave would be scattered by their rosy pink petals, magnificent and surreal, just as she would have wished for it to have been. And as the moment of her leaving us for the rest of eternity was near, Obito and Rin returned to my side, Rin linking one hand with mine, the other holding on to Obito's wheelchair as her breaths and cries hushed. I tossed the rose forward, cascading down as it sat upon her coffin as it was refilled by the piled dirt alongside.

"Goodbye," I whispered, my voice soundless.

I couldn't cry. My eyes couldn't hold tears.

They say the death of a loved one can be heartbreaking, causing drastic changes to the lives of those close to them. In my younger, immature years, I never understood the meaning of this fully, never having experienced the death of anyone close or loving anyone enough to feel that way.

My love for my own mother was peculiar to put to words, for we were never close and she abandoned me at the hands of my father at the sensitive age of 5. We'd never met after that and I assumed that she never wanted any association with me. I was unwanted from birth and every day after that. But Mikoto was special, caring for me as no one had ever done, an optimistic aura surrounding her at even the hardest of times , ensuring I was safe. I had never been so close to anyone before, my frozen heart aching as realisation dawned upon me that she was gone and would lay in peace forever.

The mood was tense as the cutlery clicked upon the dishes filled to the brim with food, not one word said as the clock on the wall solemnly ticked second by second. No one shared eye contact, no exchanging of awkward glances as time ticked by and the day neared its close. I could understand that they required some time alone but the extent of this was overwhelming, their faces blank and bleak as their minds busily wandered off. They too were affected by the death for she'd cared for them also in my absence, watching over them lovingly as she'd also done with me, what our, what their parents would have done if they were still with us.

My chair creaked as I slid backwards, ensuring I could eat no more as I leapt up from my seat, lifting up the plate while they avoided my dark, frozen orbs. Their food was untouched, scattered across the plate peculiarly while they twiddled with their forks without any attempt to taste what was left for them. I paced myself towards the kitchen, cautiously avoiding the broken shards of glass scattered across the floor from earlier that day, placing the plate in the sink as I stood unsure what to do next. Bothering was not my motive and I wanted them to do as they pleased as opposed to enforcing orders. For all I knew, they'd sit there until nightfall without fidgeting an inch from their initial position. I couldn't do anything/

"When are you coming home?" The faint voice of Rin asked from the next room, briefly raising her head as she attained my attention.

"What do you mean? I am home," I responded, walking towards the two of them, resting my arms on the back of a chair, somewhat glad that they had finally chosen to directly speak to me for the first time since I returned.

"No, I mean come home permanently. When the army business will finish and we can live together as a family again." Warm liquid built at the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill at any moment if I was not careful in my choice of words. I didn't understand how the situation had made her so upset, perhaps her inner feelings breaking through her exterior image.

"That won't happen for a while. You know how big this war has become. I have to be there until it ends and for now, that time doesn't seem close," I explained, struggling to hold on to the softness in my voice, as though I didn't want to aggravate any more than she already appeared to be. The rain battered against the window as the tirade of the sky continued.

"You don't understand, do you? She died because of you, because you weren't here, because you couldn't take care of our family and she had to do it herself! You never understood what was going on here." I could tell she was trying to force the tears back, her voice trembling with grief.

"I sent money."

"What? Those cheques you would send occasionally?" She paused briefly as if she wanted me to respond. "Sasuke, those were never enough. They threatened to take away our house if the bills weren't paid on time; all while you were away killing innocent people in another country. I couldn't stand to see the way she struggled but I couldn't leave Obito here by himself. It was your fault!"

The walls shook with the impact of her voice as she shot me a look of disgust as the tears coursed down her ashen, pale cheeks. She fled the room with no other words, upset and pained by the situation I had put her in.

"Rin!" I shouted as I rushed out the room, attempting to confront her about her words. I froze in my steps at the tight grip on my wrist, holding me from moving any forward. I twisted my head and looked down to see the dark tufts of Obito's hair as he watched me with mixed emotions playing the muscles of his face.

"I suggest you don't talk to her. She's very fragile at the moment. Mikoto's death came at a bad time and Rin's really suffering from it right now. I'll talk to her," Obito whispered, barely audible through my eardrums, as he passed by and went into the next room. I nodded my head in understanding and without knowing what else to do, proceeded to lift the rest of the dishes away from the table, avoiding the shards of glass once again as I walked into the kitchen.

Neither of them returned to accompany me that evening and I understood that they wouldn't have chosen to willingly after what I had said. I pondered over the words she'd spoken, questioning myself as I repeated what she said internally, the harshness of each stabbing me in a heart that I no longer had.

Lifting the decanter of whiskey, I poured myself a glass, overwhelmed by the bitter sweetness of the liquid on my taste buds as I sank into the arm chair of the family room, scanning the surroundings curiously. Perhaps Rin was right. Perhaps I was the cause of Mikoto's death. But I had had no choice at the time, not after the other's deaths. As I left, they would have no one but themselves, the only family left besides myself. Yet, I had no choice but to leave them behind, for they would never understand what I was forced to do daily.

But they wouldn't survive on their own.

I was lost in thought as I returned that day, strolling through the camp in a supercilious manner, my head raised pompously as I looked down on the 'worthless scum' surrounding me. The alibi I'd been given was that I had been away on a meeting with other army officials. It was a lie that had to be told, orchestrated so that an uprising wouldn't occur. The other soldiers didn't get to return to their families until the job was done, that was how life worked, but that didn't mean they would be happy to know that I had the opportunity that they weren't given.

That was how life worked. Those stronger, better, smarter, always had greater chances than those who were weak and frail, like all of those men who called themselves 'soldiers' around the camp – those idiots couldn't even fire guns properly. I had worked myself up to Captain and I deserved the benefits I received. No one had killed more of those scum than I had.

As other looked at me in fear and anxiety, a smirk curved at the edges of my lips, glad that I had authority and power, how I could dictate people to do whatever I chose and they could not refuse. I was evil. I was a monster. I was a murderer. The murderer of my own mother, even if it was unintentional, and the murderer of the innocent who entered the camp daily, hoping that they wouldn't be chosen as a victim to my cruel games while I encouraged the others to laugh and mock them.

And I didn't care. My heart didn't clench in pain or sob with grief. This life that I had pursued had hardened me, hardened my heart in a way I never thought possible. If only my father could see me now.

"Captain Sasuke, glad to see you. How was the meeting?" Naruto asked monotonously as he lifted his head to see me in front of his desk. I wasn't pleased with the way he was lounging across it, he'd never stop pissing me off, feet lifted, but I ignored the gut feeling in my stomach and avoided the thought in my mind as I let him be.

If I could have shot him from the first day we met, he would be lying amongst the dirt and gravel, that bastard, always thinking that he could act as if we were of the same rank. I loathed him and his attitude, the way that he acted as if the world was a brighter place – The idiot didn't understand this world that we lived in. But he was one of the only soldiers who didn't have a strong hatred in his heart for me and in the camp, it was a good idea to have allies who would attend to your needs and stick by your side.

"Fine," I replied almost suddenly as I brushed my fingers through the strands of my dark hair, sweeping them away from my forehead. I couldn't say anything else, and I didn't want to tell him anything anyway.

The others straightened their backs and raised their heads in salute as I passed, only to be ignored as my thoughts wandered elsewhere once again. For once I wanted to be left in peace, have some alone time without the robots who did everything I asked of them with no expressions on their faces. And for the first time in those 2 weeks I was gone, Sakura entered my thoughts. The Sakura who I'd last seen as she left my chambers frightened and shaking as she always did, though I didn't care. I didn't care that anything that I did to her hurt her, brought her pain. I liked seeing her writhe and squirm beneath my grip, the cries that escaped her lips, tears streaming down her face.

Mikoto… mother would have been so disappointed in me.

"Get up!" I roared as I stepped towards her, my heavy footsteps echoing off the ground, "I'd expect a little more of a warm welcome in my return."

She didn't move an inch, writhing against the ground. I could tell that I had frightened her, and yet, it didn't seem that she had felt the need to greet me like she should have. The little bitch. I'd told her what would happen if she decided to disobey me and yet she still felt as though she could.

Someone in this room was in need of being taught a lesson.

My breathing grew heavier, excitement rushing through my veins as I grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked her head up – pulling at it tightly as she winced in pain and her face scrunched up as if she wanted to mute the cry that she held between her lips. The sadist within me rejoiced and I felt the endorphins flood through me as she continued to cry, her cheeks stained with tears.

I watched intently as she glanced up to look at me, fresh tears hanging at the corner of her eyes as she trembled within my grip. The anger pulsed within me, the venom shooting through me as my eyes clouded with a red fiery blaze fueled by that stupid pink-haired bitch.

"I told you to get up!" The impact of my voice blew the curling hairs from the sides of her face.

She still felt as though she couldn't reply, frozen in within my arms, as I heard each breath hitch within her throat and hang there.

The fuel burned faster and the anger gave me the energy to continue. Sweat dripped down my forehead. She wasn't going to leave her until she was covered in scars, until I had broken her into tiny pieces. She wouldn't leave until the fire had burned out. That would teach her a lesson.

That would make Mikoto finally disappear from my mind.

What could I do though? How could I hurt her in a way that she could feel that she couldn't defy me any longer? When she would finally succumb to the pain, and I could enjoy the pleasure.

With my fingers still knotted through her hair, I pulled her quivering, shaking figure from the floor and forced her to stand before me. I had taken her aback, while she tried to avoid my eyes. I wanted her to look at me. I wanted to see the fear flood through her. I wanted to hear her cries as I broke her. I had that power to hurt her, and I couldn't wait to see her once I was done.

"Sakura! Why aren't you listening to me?" It seemed that my voice grew louder the further the anger sunk in. My free hand gripped onto her shoulder firmly and I shook her back and forth, to hear that tremble in her voice as she cried out against me. Nothing. My hand tugged harder at her hair, and I knew that I was going to draw the blood out of her.

Still nothing.

My impatience grew.

"You fucking bitch!" I spat, the venom seething through my voice as I dropped my hand from her head, her stupid pink hair spilling out across her tear-stained face.

My breathing grew heavier as I stood there, watching as the tears spilled down her cheeks, with no response escaping from her lips but the quiet sobs she tried to muffle. And it angered me to know that even I hadn't caused them. She had been crying since she had entered, and I realized that someone had already had the fun of breaking her before I had the chance to get to her. I'd kill the bastard if I ever saw him.

Cold wind seeped into the room, washing over her but it was like she wasn't phased by anything that was happening around her. I didn't know what I would do if it continued like this. I couldn't enjoy her pain. Mikoto would remain there.

"You…" She tore through the silence in the room, her voice trembling in that way I liked it. "You're a bastard." She said it so softly that for a brief moment I wasn't sure what I was hearing, but the bitterness that she held within her words, the bitterness and the anger within them were strong. She lifted her head until she was looking directly at me, trying to hold back the fright within her eyes as if I couldn't see right through her.

The redness clouded over my vision and the infuriation bubbled within my chest. I had to force the corners of my lips back down as my teeth clenched together, the excitement rushing through my veins. She had no right to say things like that to me, that little bitch. I would have to punish her for it. "The fuck did you just call me?!"

"All of you Oto soldiers are bastards." The tears dripped down her pale cheeks as her voice shattered. This was breaking her.

"Sakura-"

"You-you killed her…you took her from me," She was forcing the words out, struggling, and her voice continued to shatter. "She was just a little girl!"

She lifted her hand, watery eyes staring into mine as she threw her fist against my chest, hitting it with a thump. Her unbalanced weight brought her stumbling towards me as cool wind swirled around us and her other fist whacked against me, taking me aback. She no longer stared at me, and instead, her eyes were focused on the ground beneath her, water dripping to the ground.

It wasn't until that moment that I felt I understood everything and I'd never seen her so vulnerable, not after everything that I had already done to her. Expecting the pleasure to rush through me, I was met with nothing but a flashback of Rin when I had returned home, just after Mikoto had been announced dead, and in Sakura, I could see her. I could see Rin as if she was standing right before me, when she had stumbled through the door towards me.

Instead of pleasure, I was met with regret.

"Moegi!" She screamed, the sounds filling the space around us.

"Mikoto… she… she's dead."

Her cries were loud, deafening, and the sounds that had always brought me enjoyment did nothing but cause discomfort and regret. She glanced up at me briefly, her legs seemingly giving up under her before she fell forward into my chest. Sakura's hands gripped tightly onto my shirt, pulling at the fabric between her fingers as tears flooded down the length of her face. Her face buried itself into my chest, my shirt stained, but I couldn't make myself force her away. I couldn't force Rin away again, and so I left her. I left her as the tears continued to fall, as the tears dripped down her cheeks.

I stood there, unfeeling and unmoving, witness to the pains of the world, unable to understand the numbness in the infuriation that wanted to hurt her, the numbness in my hands that wanted to shove her to the ground. I knew she wasn't Rin.

My throat seemed to clear itself, the numbness growing, before the words escaped from my lips in a soft whisper. "I'm…I'm sorry."

She lifted her head, her cries hushing as she bit down on her lip, her eyes meeting mine. The sadist was trying to force himself out, but he couldn't find an escape. Something knew to leave her for now. Something knew to just let her leave.

Author: sorry this took so long, I've been busy and honestly, I think this could have been better but my brain is so fried nowadays, you guys wouldn't have been able to get a better one until Easter or something. Anyways, sorry again, but I hope you enjoy it. I'm worried I may have contradicted myself in a couple of parts.

Thanks for reading.

coolgirlaamy xx