So I had a bunch of stuff to do so I decided to write instead. Guess I'm not stopping it yet haha, enjoy. Also if I made grammatical errors let me know, thanks

"Maya, I'll be fine. Other people will be there! My mom is letting me, why won't you?"

It was Friday, and they were at lunch at John Quincy Adams High School. Riley had been back since Monday and the excuse that she had been with her grandparents held up pretty well. They thought her parents sent her off because of her behavior, which she didn't mind in comparison to the truth that she was in a hospital.

"Your mom doesn't know there will be drinking at this party. Please stay in, we can watch movies and stuff." Maya pleaded.

Maya had been watching Riley like a hawk for the past week but Lucas and Zay came over to the table and Riley couldn't have been more thankful for it.

Riley asked them, "Are you guys coming to Charlie's party tonight?"

"A party? Count me in!" Zay countered.

"I was thinking about it." Lucas answered

Maya chimed in, "Well, it's settled we will all go to Charlie's party."

Maya and Riley got ready together at Riley's apartment. Riley wore a loose, flowy purple dress and a big black cardigan and booties. Maya wore a blouse and a black skirt with nice boots.

"Please don't drink too much, Riley."

"Okay, Maya." The buzzer rang and it was Lucas and Zay, they were really saving Riley today. "Let's go, the boys are here."

Lucas had some idea about Riley having problems but as far as Riley was concerned, Lucas didn't know the half of it. So he felt some obligation to watch out for Riley too.

As soon as they got inside Riley took Zay by the hand and dashed over to the beer pong table in the kitchen, Maya and Lucas barely drank and watched from afar. Riley was drinking fast but it was light beer so it didn't do much. Riley had noticed Zay was missing and she looked over to Maya and Lucas, her back was to the wall and he towered over her kissing her. Knowing how much Maya despised PDA, she knew that it would end very soon and she had to act fast. She slithered out of the main party and down the hall to Charlie's room. She had been here before when they used to make out in eighth grade so she knew where it was. She was hoping to find something fun but she mostly wanted Maya's eyes off of her. She peaked in and saw Zay and Charlie taking shots of cheap vodka.

"Well, well what do we have here?" Riley laughed as she said closing the door behind her.

"Would you like some?" Charlie held out the bottle for her to take and take she did. One heavy swig and when they expected her to hand it back, she took another big swig. She then handed it back and sat down on the bed next to Charlie. Zay was on the floor sitting against the dresser, they handed the bottle around, laughing, guessing who would hook up tonight. Zay excused himself as he felt confident enough now to talk to Sarah, the girl from their class. Riley followed behind him and when she looked like she was going to leave, she just went to lock the door and turned back around to Charlie. Charlie smiled but said nothing. Riley held out her hand for Charlie to hand her the bottle, he complied.

Maya was slithering through the people at the party frantically looking for Riley calling her even though Riley purposely let her phone die. She found Zay "Zay! Do you know where Riley is?"

"She was just behind me." Zay turned in a circle to look for her.

"Where were you guys?"

"Charlie's room"

Maya felt her stomach drop, she ran down the hall and checked one room, bathroom. Some dude was peeing but she didn't care. She opened one bedroom, empty and then she tried to open another door, it was locked. She knocked and knocked until Riley answered. She only cracked the door and she kept her distance so that Maya couldn't smell the vodka on her breath.

"Riley, what are you doing?"

"Hanging out with Charlie, we're just gonna make out a little, I still have to have one of my vices." Riley's honesty should have been a give away that she was fairly drunk.

Maya understood somewhat, "Promise?"

One of Riley's hand slithered behind her back as she crossed her fingers, "promise."

Charlie had a big grin on his face and Maya glared at him until he stopped.

"Come find me when you're done, Riles."

With that Riley closed the door, locked it again and shut off the lights. She couldn't have Charlie see the remnants of what were on her wrists but more importantly the insane number of cuts that lined her ribs and stomach made from the blade Max gave her. And then she thought about him again, like the countless times she had this week. But she shook the thought and moved back to bed where Charlie was sitting on the edge of. She sat on his lap and kissed him powerfully. Not like the gentle making out they were used to. She made all of the moves, presuming he had never done this before. From what little she could see of his face throughout he looked ecstatic but also very shocked. He knew better than to question any of this.

He motioned to take off her dress but she took his hand away.

"I'm sorry Riley."

"No, it's fine. I've got a few body image issues, but we can still have fun." She stood up off of him, slid off her underwear. She stumbled a bit not noticing how drunk she was, but he couldn't see it, it was too dark He was laying down, clearly aroused so there would be no need to waste time. She climbed back on top of him and they got to business, she unzipped his jeans and was about to direct him.

"Wait Riley, I don't have a condom."

"Just tell me when you're about to finish and I'll get off."

"Ok"

And so they fucked, it didn't last more than five minutes. She wasn't surprised, it just made her think of Max, how he seemed to fit so well and there was something almost awkward about having sex with Charlie. At least Charlie pulled out in time, it was a close call. She thought about how Max never did, it didn't worry her though. She was supposed to have her period in a week anyways. She stood up and found her underwear. She stumbled again and then she left Charlie without saying a word and went back to the beer pong table and partied again.

Being drunk reminded Riley of the happy girl she was in middle school. She joined Zay who was playing pong with Sarah against some random kids, she was taking a celebrity shot when Maya found her.

"Hey Riles, are you okay?"

Riley heard Maya behind her so she tried to regain her composure. "Hey Maya!"

"God damnit Riley!" Maya noticed.

This time Riley pulled Maya aside, being really drunk, she decided to be somewhat honest with Maya. "Maya, being drunk is making me happy, it's one of the few things that does anymore. I haven't developed a drinking problem because I drank one night. You know me, this is the first time I've done it. Please just don't yell at me, I don't think I can take it."

"Riley, why won't you just talk to me about this?"

"Last time I talked to someone about this, I had to stop talking to them and it hurt." She thought about him, how it felt to fall asleep on his chest, hear his heart beat.

"Are you talking about Charlie? What did you guys do?"

"No, it's not Charlie. It's not important, Maya."

"When have I ever abandoned you, Riles?" Riley heard Maya's voice crack.

"I'm happy right now, and you're ruining it. I promise I'll tell you everything you want to know tomorrow just let me enjoy tonight."

Riley realized just how drunk she was and that she would: forget it, regret it or both. So she walked away because talking about her feelings wasn't going to happen. This drinking was a release for her but now that Maya made her think about cutting again. This was not good. Maya was staying over her house tonight, hopefully Riley would just sleep through the night.

After having fun with Zay and the other kids in her class, Lucas and Zay walked the girls home. Riley went inside and gave Maya and Lucas a moment while Zay just turned around. Riley peaked into her mother's room to let her know she was home and that Maya was staying over, it was 11:00. Riley got changed into a long sleeve tee shirt and shorts. She threw Maya some clothes and the two got into bed.

"We're talking tomorrow just so you know, about everything."

"Okay." Time to put her lying skills to the test.

"So I woke up to a text from Lucas. He says Zay told him that Charlie told Zay you guys had sex, that isn't true, right?"

Game face Riley thought to herself. She did remember parts of having sex with Charlie but after that total blackout. "I'm depressed but not enough so to give it up to Charlie Gardener. Don't insult me like that."

Maya laughed and texted back Lucas that it wasn't true.

Riley was eager to change the subject "Speaking of which, have you and Lucas yet?" Riley really didn't want to hear about it but getting Maya to talk about herself would keep the topic off of Riley.

"No, not yet but I'm thinking about it."

"What's holding you back?" Riley asked.

"I'm scared Riles that he'll leave me after."

"Maya, you know Lucas would never."

"We're going on a date tonight and my mom took a night shift and won't be home all night but I don't know."

Riley didn't want Maya to lose it just because Riley didn't want to talk about her feelings or lack there of, but she really didn't want to talk about anything. "Don't do anything you aren't ready for, but you know Lucas well enough that he wouldn't leave you."

"Maybe, I'll think about it." Maya answered.

Riley got up to go to the bathroom and when she came back Maya was still sitting in her bed.

"Can I see your arms?"

Riley looked Maya in the eye.

"I'm not doing it anymore, do you not trust me?"

"I think I do but can you please show me, I'm just scared I'll miss it again. That I will miss the signs and that you'll be all alone." Riley said nothing but lifted up her sleeves, there were some that scarred a bit but mostly it had cleared up by now. Maya looked, she was both happy that she stopped by sad to be reminded that Riley had ever done it in the first place.

"Thank you, and I'm proud of you. You told me last night that we can talk about everything today, can we still?"

"Fire away" Riley didn't remember but she didn't want to let Maya know how drunk she was.

"So Lucas keeps texting me about me about this Charlie thing, he said you guys had sex and is giving details to Zay like how you did it with your dress on–"

Riley was furious "I told you we didn't do it. You not trusting me is becoming really fucking annoying and tell Lucas and Zay to mind their own fucking business. You saw my wrists, I could have gotten naked for him if I fucking wanted to but I didn't. Do you want me get butt naked, go over to a gynecologist and test my hymen! You were my best friend, why can't you believe me?"

"… were?"

"I'm going to take a shower, do what you want."

Riley ran back into her bathroom, started the shower and found the blade hidden in her bathroom drawers pulled up her shirt and slashed. There were so many cuts that she was reopening old cuts every time, she couldn't avoid it. This made it hurt all the more, blood trickled down her ribcage that was now noticeable. She stepped under the steaming hot water "Fuck!" Riley yelled, Maya definitely heard if she was still here but chose to ignore because Riley was already mad at her. The blood made her white shower tiles turn red. Riley stayed in the shower until the tiles turned white again. She took a special black washcloth and wiped off her stomach of any remaining blood and changed back into her tee shirt and shorts. She hoped Maya left but she knew Maya, she was waiting outside that door for her. If Maya had left, Riley would have had the apartment to herself and Maya wouldn't let that happen until she felt comfortable.

Maya stood up as soon as Riley got out of the shower. "I'm sorry, I just love you so much and it's hard to look out for you when the thing that makes you feel bad is inside your head, I wanted to say that before I go."

"Wait, peaches, you don't have to go if you don't want to. We can watch that movie if you wanted, talk about you for a change…"
"I'd love that, pumpkin."