"Bathroom, bathroom…" Luffy hummed, waddling around the village in search of a place to empty his bladder. "Tinkle tinkle, need to go…stars above are popopo…" he sang nonsensically. Looking around, he saw the group of bounty hunters staring at him incredulously.
"Get the kid, we'll use him to bait Roronoa!" Igaram roared, running towards Luffy while grabbing a musket from a nearby bounty hunter.
Bang. Bang. BANGBANGBANG.
Luffy stepped back, his body reeling from the force of the projectiles. Suddenly, he pulled his arms up and sent the bullets back from where they came from with a roar before plopping onto the ground. The nearest men were immediately felled by the reflected bullets.
"What the heck was that for?!" Luffy yelled angrily, rubbing his chest. "That caught me off guard, you bastards!" He rolled around furiously trying to get back on his feet, but his rotund post-feast shape made it impossible.
"If you can't shoot him, then just cut him!" Ms. Wednesday shrieked, pulling her peacock-colored chain out. Everyone armed with swords and knives immediately advanced upon the vulnerable rubberman.
Clang.
Zoro glared at them malevolently, his eyes dark with anger. His swords were drawn and blocking Baroque Works' weapons with ease.
"What kind of shit are you trying to pull, eh?" he growled around Wado Ichimonji. "Move an inch and you'll get circumcised."
"Oi, that's so graphic," a gravelly voice said. "Why didn't you wake me up if you were going to pick a fight, marimo? God knows if you can get out of your situation now, baka." Sanji flicked his lighter and lit a pipe that hung from his lips. His dark blue kimono rustled with his movements and made him look spectral in the darkness.
Zoro chuckled darkly. "Just don't get in the way, dartboard. It looks like there's about a hundred bounty hunters here. I'll leave one or two for you to play with later. Taka nami!" The other swordsmen flew in all directions, screaming from the slashes that Zoro drew across their bodies.
"Tou rou nagashi!"
"Oni giri!"
"Nigiri!"
"Your moves make me hungry, marimo," Sanji said sourly. (A/N: A lot of Zoro's moves are puns on food, especially sushi and fish. Ex. Onigiri means riceball). Seeing another group of bounty hunters rushing towards them, he lifted a leg with ease and hit the first unfortunate man square in the neck. "Collier Shoot! Poitrine! Mouton shot!" (A/N: Mouton=lamb)
"You're one to talk, cook. Mouton? Tastes great when grilled with a little rosemary, actually," Zoro grinned, the French rolling off of his tongue with ease.
It didn't take long for the two of them to decimate the bounty hunters, and Zoro finally pulled Luffy to his feet with ease.
"Thanks for waiting, captain. It looks like the only ones left are those over there." He pointed to Igaram, Ms. Wednesday, Mr. 9, and Ms. Monday. They were huddled together, looking as though they were unsure as to whether it would be wiser to stand and fight or run.
"AAAAAH!"
They ran.
---
"Heh, at least we're getting some profit out of this little venture," Nami said happily, stuffing her loot into a sack. The lower members of Baroque Works had been rounded up and tied together, and then looted by the greedy navigator. "They didn't have much, though. You'd think that bounty hunters would have a little more cash. This cross isn't even solid silver," she said with disgust after biting it.
They had taken enough food to last until the next island and picked up any maps or books that they could find (on orders of the navigator).
"Are you guys really the locals?" Franky asked in surprise. "You were doing a lot of fishing and stuff, but it doesn't look like there's that much seafood around here. There's barely any food at all."
One of the men shifted uncomfortably, looking askance. Zoro saw this and immediately pounced.
"Admit it! You're not really native to this island, are you?" Zoro snarled, drawing a sword threateningly. "What did you do with the villagers? Why are you here?"
The man and the bounty hunters tied next to him quivered, and a rank smell rose into the air. One had apparently lost control of his bladder after having Sandai Kitetsu placed against his jugular vein.
"We only did it on orders, I swear!" the man blubbered, squirming desperately against his bonds. "We were supposed to wait here for any ships coming from Japan, now that they're supposed to be opening up for trade. The villagers were all captured and taken to the boss, in—"
Bang. The man fell to the ground, his head smoking from some explosive bullet.
"What the hell?" Zoro sputtered, looking around. His eyes moved to the man and woman walking out from the shelter of the trees, dragging the Baroque Works officers who had run off. The man was dark, with hair braided into dreadlocks. His dark glasses flashed in the light of the lamps. The woman wore a bright yellow and orange outfit reminiscent of lemons, with a yellow hat and umbrella that stood out in the darkness. The man picked his nose nonchalantly with one hand while another held a small basket.
"So, it looks like our little rat trap has some vermin in it, eh?" the man said, pulling his finger from his nose while rolling the snot in his fingers. "I bet that the swordsman could give us a promotion, Miss Valentine."
The woman laughed hysterically. "Mr. 5, that is certainly true. Shall we?"
The man flicked his booger at Zoro with a "Nose Fancy Cannon!" The woman jumped into the air, crying "1 Kilo!"
Zoro sliced the incoming booger and made a face—surely his swords weren't meant for cutting things like that.
"That's really disgusting, you bastard," he said, looking revolted. Zoro then looked up and saw Miss Valentine hurtling down from the sky screaming, "1000 Kilo!"
"Mellorine~!"
Sanji leaped and caught her in his arms, his feet skidding deeply into the ground. He held her with trembling arms, and she looked at him in disgust.
"What are you doing? 10,000 Kilo!" she shouted, increasing the force on his arms. Still, he held firm.
"I shall never…let a lady…come to harm…" Sanji muttered, taking one step forward. He placed her gently to the ground, where she promptly shot through the earth with the pull of her mass.
"Eek!" she shrieked as she sunk into the soft soil until she was buried to her hips. Try as she might, she found it impossible to get herself out of the ground.
"Oh, no!" Sanji yelled in a slightly high-pitched voice—because men definitely do not shriek, they yell in the most manly way possible—and ran forward to try and help. She still couldn't move.
Zoro rolled his eyes. "Wow, good job, genius. Try to take things a little more seriously, would you?" He turned and cut Mr. 5 down with a single slash before turning to Miss Valentine. "Your turn, missy."
Pow. Sanji kicked Zoro aside, growling, "How dare you point that at a lady, you marimo. I refuse to let you—"
They were interrupted by another sound; they heard Miss Valentine give a shriek of pain before shuddering and flopping forward. Nami stood above her, wielding her Perfect Clima Tact menacingly.
"You guys are so useless," she said. She then turned and looked at the other Baroques Works members who were tied up on the ground, including the officers. "So, why don't you tell us a little about yourselves, hm?"
Igaram crawled forward caterpillar-like before prostrating himself as well as he could while tied up. "Please, I have a request," he pleaded. "I know that we may have been enemies for some reason—" ("Oi, didn't you try to kill me for my bounty?" Zoro grumbled) "—but could you help us? I need you to escort Ms. Wednesday to her country."
Nami looked down on him in disbelief. "After all of this ruckus, you have the impertinence to ask something like this? I suppose we could do it…for the right price," she said with a wink. "How does one billion beri sound?"
"…" Igaram stared in disbelief at the redhead. "One b-b-billion beri?!" he shouted, practically frothing at the mouth. "This is Princess Vivi we are speaking of, you impertinent—" He stopped, looking aghast. "Er, I mean, Ms. Wednesday…ma ma maaa…"
"Yeah, and 'Princess Vivi' and 'Ms. Wednesday' obviously sound very similar," Usopp said sarcastically. "Oi, isn't that a little pricey though, Nami?"
Nami smiled at them blandly. "A princess, huh? Why don't you tell us a little more about this?" She pulled Ms. Wednesday apart from the others and propped her upright before standing over Igaram with her Clima Tact above her head. She spun it slowly, releasing the bright red and blue orbs until a small cloud had formed above them. "It only takes a moment to release a bolt of lightning," she said threateningly.
Ms. Wednesday gulped, then sighed in defeat. "I am Princess Vivi, from the kingdom of Egypt to the west."
Nami waited impatiently for more information; when none was offered, she growled before tapping Igaram lightly upside the head. "I'm not joking about the lightning, you know."
"Nami."
Luffy stood, adjusting his straw hat. His stomach had finally managed to digest all the food he had eaten, and he walked up to Vivi with a strange look on his face. He bent down and untied her.
"Why are you doing this?" he asked her, ignoring Nami's sputtering protests. "Why would a princess join an organization like Baroque Works?"
Vivi looked up at him with watering eyes and wiped a tear away. "We must do this. Leaving Egypt, infiltrating Baroque Works, capturing pirates…all for the sake of learning the Boss's name!" she cried, banging her fist on the ground. "Even if it means death, I must do it to save Egypt!"
Nami rushed forward and covered Vivi's mouth quickly. "Did you find out the guy's name?" she asked hesitantly. When Vivi nodded, Nami groaned and said, "Then shut up and don't say anything. I don't want to be involved in your politics."
"How would knowing who the boss is save Egypt, though?" Franky asked, scratching his head curiously.
Vivi shuddered, clenching and unclenching her hands. "Because Sir Crocodile is the reason that Egypt suffers from the horrors of civil turmoil!" She gasped, clapping a hand over her mouth. "Oh my goodness…"
Nami stared, her jaw dropping dramatically. Usopp began running back and forth in a panic followed by a slightly confused Chopper; the two of them began rolling on the ground, mouths frothing in fear.
"WHY DID YOU SAY HIS NAME?" Luffy and Nami shouted.