Chapter 10: Hate
A/N: Hey guess what? I've hit 10 chapters in this thing! The next 90 will be a piece of cake. :P And with that said, you guys are just too awesome. That's why I have to name names, so thank you to (in no specific order): TheLostHeroines of Olympus, penspot, Concetta, peppris, E arth. K id. T ree. H ugger, Anon, Darth Sanctus, hiddenhorcrux, Slayergirl, Calyn, and meira16. Whew! A lot of names, but thanks guys for favoriting, reviewing, and adding this story to your alert list! If I missed anyone, mention it in a review *hint, hint* :D and I'll thank you in the next chapter. EDIT: Oops my bad! The formatting got totally wonky, but I fixed it, so now you can read this chapter without wincing. :)
Cor was shaken awake. At first, he thought this was an emergency, and leapt up with adrenaline surging through his veins. However, when he looked over to see the person who had shaken him awake, expecting to see a sentry or an assailant, all he saw was Aravis. She looked smaller, somehow, perhaps because of her thin nightgown and the way she was slightly shivering or the way her wide fearful eyes belied the tight restraint of her mouth. And suddenly Cor knew, with a foresight he hadn't thought he possessed before now, that this wasn't an immediate emergency. It was a matter of preventing actions that would slowly seep into their lives like smoke, suddenly clouding everything and making it harder to function.
"Come with me," she said hurriedly walking to the door and waiting for Cor to follow. On soundless feet they crept down many hallways, twisting and turning, until they got to Aravis's room.
"Just look," she said in a barely audible voice. Cor was confused, but he knew that Aravis would not wake him up in the middle of the night for just anything.
"Okay," he said when they were inside. "What is it?" Wordlessly Aravis opened the window. At first Cor noticed nothing, but then he heard it. The "it" in question was a crackling noise, at which he stuck his head out the window. A huge bonfire was out in the small secluded garden outside in Aravis's window. Men, or more specifically Telamarines, were throwing things that looked like square logs that the orange flames lapped up greedily. Wait Cor thought Logs aren't square. And then he saw it, the book that flew open into the fire, its pages splayed out like an open surrender. Another man hefted a large book, heavy and old by the looks of its leather cover, and Cor saw the gilt title on it glinting in the firelight. It said "history". For a moment, this didn't matter, the history part being uneccesary information, but suddenly the gravity of the situation sank down upon Cor, pulling him to Earth in a jumbled heap. Without any written accounts of history, all the Archenlanders would have to go on is mere words. The accounts would clash and there would be confusion, until, of course, the Telamarines provided everyone with a nice stable inaccurate account of what happened. They could say anything they wanted and no one would be able to dispute it.
"I'm going to save some of them," Aravis said. "I just thought you should know what's happening."
"What?" said Cor, his brain sluggishly trying to comprehend everything at once. It was almost as if his brain had reverted back to sleeping mode, thinking all this was a horrible nightmare. Only it wasn't. "No. You can't do that Aravis. You'll jeopardize-." But Aravis was already out the door as soundless as she had entered. He saw her striding down the hallway. Even from the back she looked determined. He took in the whole situation, from his place near the window he could hear the crackle of the fire and the pop of exploding logs that made up its foundation. Yet, the real fuel was the books. For a long moment Cor stood there, motionless as a statue, as everything rushed around him. It seemed to be some time before he actually moved, actually thought to rush after Aravis. Mere words, after all, would not stop her. Cor knew this very well, it had been ingrained into him after years of clashing with Aravis on a number of various insignificant issues. But now…Now her stubborn nature had overstepped the line. The Telamarines would not give her a sharp rebuke and take away her privileges. No, they were too quick with their daggers for that. He had to keep her safe. He was not sure when he had acquired this particular responsibility only that he had. And this was the thing that made him creep out after her and hide safely outside the doorway to the library. In his cursory glimpse inside he saw her talking with a Telamarine soldier, he could tell instantly by the uniform, but it didn't look heated. Instead of barging in and ruining what might be a pleasant discussion, Cor stayed a silent presence by the door.
"Oh I get lost so much," Aravis was saying in a breathy, vapid tone he had never heard her use. "This castle seems to be getting bigger and bigger."
"Take care you don't get lost again," the guard said gruffly, allowing her to be on her way. Clearly he had been slightly suspicious of her, but never really thought her a real threat. As this was just what Cor knew Aravis was going for, one corner of his mouth unfurled into a smile. It was an expression that might have been a real grin, had it been allowed it to grow up. Cor heard Aravis's footsteps and instead of instantly escaping, which would surely give them both up, fixed himself to lean nonchalantly near the entrance. He saw Aravis walk past him, seemingly oblivious to his presence. Whether she saw him, but didn't want to acknowledge him and allow their communication to be discovered, or she completely missed him Cor wasn't sure.
"Ah, your Highness," said a voice from over his left shoulder. The Telamarine soldier had left and in his place was evil incarnate. Caspian I, the conqueror, the leader of the Telamarines. "Up so late?" Cor's mouth couldn't form words. Well they could, but most of them were curses, and therefore likely to get him killed.
"Yes," he said laconically. Short, terse phrases were the best way to go. Then he would not have to think up lies, and then he would shorten the conversation. The deep brown eyes of his companion seemed to smolder with a darkness that radiated from his person. It was as if he yearned to conquer not only the world but all the people in it, and Cor was his next victim. In fact, it was very likely that he wished to conquer Cor, as Cor was the one who was unfortunate enough to hold a seat of power in a land that Caspian wanted.
"I would suggest, your Highness, to not place yourself in a position to overhear certain conversations," Caspian spoke with a sneer, his upper lip curling like a camel ready to spit. "You know what they say about eavesdroppers. That they deserve to be affected by any truth they might glean from what they overhear. Or any consequences that might come with that truth." Cor stepped back instinctively, at first it was because hatred seemed to reek off the man in front of him like a bad odor and then it was the shock to be spoken in such a threatening way. However this distance afforded him a glimpse under the man's cloak. It was quick, almost too meaningless to mention, had it not been for the flash of the light of the lamps on hard grey steel. Cor stepped back again, fixing his eyes on the man in front of him. They were not very far apart, only a few paces, yet from this distance he could see shadows emphasizing the grooves in Caspian's face. He looked withered, almost, as if the weather had beaten into him an understanding of the world, as though every storm carved into his soul, leaving its grey gloom behind. Cor was not a coward so when he turned his back on this man he was not running. No, Cor was saying, as silently as ever, that he would not let Caspian win because Cor would not give him the opportunity to strike. Taking the chance fate gave him, Cor walked away, his strides long and powerful. He did not go to Aravis, after this, instead like a zombie he climbed into bed and laid there for a while staring at the ceiling. After some time he went to sleep, and when he woke up the memory of this night poured over him like a bucket of ice water, he had the sudden experience of cold and then the chill of it seeping past the skin into the bones underneath. Cor knew this assassination attempt meant something, that the tides had turned, that Caspian was getting impatient, but chose not to deal with it. It was strange. His biggest fear was of an assassination. He had thought of it many times. A sudden ambush. An supposedly wide shot of an arrow. A duel to the death on the palace steps. Yet, now that it had happened Cor felt nothing, only the weight of the responsibility that came with being almost attacked. He would have to tell Aravis, simply because he told her almost everything and because, as one of the original members of court, the threat might move to her, too. For the longest time, however, Cor avoided this task. He had too much paperwork to do, he had to inspect this or that, he had to steal away to the library to check out a book. All were excuses, carefully crafted so he could slither out of his responsibilities without feeling guilty. After all he thought Getting nearly killed is hardly my fault. Why should I have to pay for it by adding yet another duty that I have to fulfill? So Cor skirted around the action, avoiding it as well as Aravis. He didn't see her so of course he had no opportunity to tell her. It was only when she tracked him down, in the room which had become his study, did he realize that Aravis would notice. Of course she would.
"I have a lot of work to do," he said dismissively, trying to wave her away, but his tone sunk down, leaden with the weight of things unsaid.
"What's with you?" Aravis said waspishly. "I barely see you anymore and when I do you're like one of the other robots, all function and no person inside."
"Like I said I'm busy," he said, shifting around a little. Aravis saw this, her eyes attune to his every movement. "So if you wouldn't mind..."
"I'm not leaving," Aravis said, her tone still sharp. "Until you tell me what happened." Cor just looked at her as if he couldn't believe she was still there after all this, his expression world-weary. Neither of them said anything for a while. After a long time Cor broke the silence.
"I spoke with Caspian," he said his tone full of finality. That was it discussion ended, and why the heck else would you ask for more?
"And?"
"He told me to keep my mind on my own business and not lurk in corridors," Cor's exhaustion had returned; he spoke as if every word too an enormous effort to come out of his mouth. "That's all." Cor looked at Aravis, she was staring as if she knew he wasn't telling her more. This time, he was determined not to break the silence. He stared stonily ahead and said nothing.
"Hmm," Aravis said lightly. "Well y'know I've never met Caspian, but if I fancy I did I don't think that's what he'd tell me. In fact I think he'd tell me something relating to the war, seeing as that's clearly a big issue." She was trying to get him to crack with her sarcasm, making the issue smaller than it was, but this time it wouldn't work. Aravis strode toward him and knocked on his forehead
"Hello? Is Cor in there? If I didn't know better I'd say the real you was carried away by the fairies" said Aravis breezily and still Cor neglected to respond. "Well, I guess you don't want to talk. That's okay, I really don't want to sit in silence with my oldest friend in the world, but I guess we don't always get what we want."
"I can't deal with you," the words were exhausted, but there was also, if one listened closely, the sharpness of pain beneath them, almost as if Cor really had been stabbed by that dagger. Aravis didn't listen to the tone underneath, however. All she heard were the surface words.
"What?" she said her eyes alighting with fury.
"I have work!" he said gruffly. "I told you, and you just sit here pestering me like a petulant four-year-old."
"What's your problem?" she asked louder now. "All I did was come in here, wanting to see if you were okay!"
"Well maybe you shouldn't have!" Cor was close to shouting, now his last words seeming infinitely loud in Aravis's stunned silence at his sudden temper. "All I wanted was to be alone!"
"Wish fulfilled," said Aravis acerbically as she left the room. Cor sighed running his fingers through his hair in agitation. He hadn't meant to do that. Sighing again he looked toward the heavens, it was going to be a long night. After finishing a couple of now meaningless documents he drifted off to bed. Surprisingly, this was not a restless night. Instead, Cor's sleep was weighted with foreboding, vague recollections of duels, the clash of swords, and above all the gore of the battlefield danced through Cor's mind. Despite all this, when morning came, along with it was Cor's good humor back from the cramped little attic of his thoughts. It was as if somewhere, stumbling through the darkness of his dreams, fear had lost its power over him. For once, the castle seemed almost cheery, bright sun pouring in through the windows.
One nursemaid was out with her charge, a chubby-cheeked toddler in one of the hallways that lined the palace courtyard. Cor smiled a little and watched the pair, nurse and child, remembering when he was that little. Apparently the little boy was close to taking his first steps. Yet, his little feet were clumsy, and brought him down even before he could stand up. The toddler sniffled a little at the impact of hitting ground and got up again. Slowly, but surely he stood up and dazzled the world around him with a joyful smile and burbling laugh. Cor watched the small cherubic boy take a step forward stumbling a little. Safe arms were placed on either side of him like a railing and the watchful eye of his nurse was fixed upon him. Yet, despite his previous failures (and from the toddler's previous wails Cor had heard earlier, they had been many) he took one step and another, conquering the land beneath him, as slowly but surely he learned to walk. Cor smiled at little at the toddler's success and turned away.
What had scared him most in the moment was Cor had almost called out for guards. He had realized, however, before the words could even take shape in his mouth, that most of the guards were Telamarines. It made Cor wonder, who was watching out for him? Where was the safety of those arms when he stumbled and fell, as he seemed to do so often these days? Questions like these floated around like ghosts in Cor's head. That was his problem; there were just the questions, bleak and transparent with no answers to settle them. The time it took to stop thinking these kinds of thoughts was indefinite. All Cor knew was that he was thinking less and less about his own failure and more about Aravis. He pictured the door that she had shut after she left, the sound short and clipped with finality. It was some dull color, sort of a grayish brown, briskly cutting off all communication between them. Cor sighed, picking himself out of the depths of self-pity. This wasn't going to work. Slowly he stood. It was hard at first because he knew what he was supposed to do and what he wanted to do. However, in the end he sucked it up and took one step forward and then another. Now, with a certainty born out sheer determination he strode forward—towards Aravis's room—with an apology on his lips. All it took was him willing to be a little bit better, a little bit stronger. Step by step he eliminated the distance between them, conquering his own demons bit by bit.