I have no idea what this is.

Mainly just one OC warning.

I do not own Naruto.

I literally have no clue why I wrote this. It was a spur of the moment and once I started I couldn't stop.

First Person Alice!

"Hey babe?"

No response.

"Sexy Man."

He remained silent.

"Weasel~."

The quiet continued.

"Weasel-butt."

He was unresponsive.

"Itachi Uchiha!"

"What Alice?" He asked, looking away from the scroll he was reading.

I scowled at him. "The hell is your problem? Are you losing your hearing in your old age? I addressed you four times before you responded."

He rolled his eyes and returned his attention to his scroll. "I know Alice. I heard you the first time. I assumed you would have just continued talking and I would have responded when I was required. I did not know you expected me to actually physically or verbally acknowledge you since I am so attuned to your presence." He said smoothly. He glanced at me and his eyes narrowed slightly. "And I am not old."

Smirking, I sat beside him and kissed his cheek. I brushed his bangs out of his face before pausing. "Is that a gray hair?"

He just stared at me. "You're hilarious."

"I know." I said dismissively. "Anyways, what are you doing?"

"I'm reading." He said. When I gave him a look, he allowed the corners of his lips to twitch in amusement. "It is a scroll on nature chakra."

"Looking to become a sage?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No. But I find it rather interesting and I try and be knowledgeable of anything that can potentially kill me."

"Fair enough." I said. I pressed my forehead to the side of his head and sighed deeply, leaning into him. He turned his head to kiss me before looking back at his scroll. He wrapped an arm around my waist and allowed me to lean against him while he read.

"Wasn't there something you wanted?" He asked.

"Just wanted to hear your voice." I said. "I'm sure there was something before, but I forget what it was so it must not have been that important."

"Hn."

I turned my face into the crook of his neck and shoulder and I kissed him, smiling when he shifted his head slightly to give me more access to his skin. I nipped him, snickering at the twitch his body did in response.

"Alice." He scolded.

"Yes love." I said obediently, leaving his neck alone. I turned my attention to his hand, which was resting on my lap, and I grabbed it. I inspected his hand carefully before turning my attention to the Akatsuki ring on his finger.

He ignored me while I twisted the ring gently around on his finger and basically molested his hand because I was so bored. His ring was pretty. It was nice, smooth silver with a gorgeous red gem in the center. The kanji for vermilion was embedded in the gem and the entire thing caught the light in the room nicely.

Curious, I pulled the ring off his finger, smiling a little when I saw the impression the ring left on his finger. Itachi glanced at me briefly but otherwise didn't react to the fact that I was stealing his bling.

I slipped his ring on the ring finger of my right hand and was unsurprised to see it was too big. I was about to take it off and try one of my other fingers when the ring moved. And by moved, I mean reshaped itself to fit perfectly on my finger.

"That's fucking awesome." I said.

"What is?" Itachi asked.

I showed him. "Your ring."

He kissed my temple. "It adjusts to fit its bearer. Otherwise, anyone who came after someone as large as Kisame would need a completely resized ring. We would have gone through a few by now."

"It's like it has a mind of its own." I mused.

"The rings are all covered with seals and they were created with seals and special jutsu. There is even Genjutsu on it." He said as he resumed reading.

I poked the ring. "Awesome."

"Hn."

A sudden idea came to mind and I smirked to myself before getting up. I grabbed Itachi's face and kissed him fully, pinning him to the bed and making him move the scroll so I wouldn't harm it.

I kissed him for a minute before letting him go and skipping towards the door that connected our room to Kisame's. "Love you, Tachi."

He just blinked, utterly confused at my methods.

I slipped into Kisame's room and pounced on the shark who was tending to Samehada. "Hey Kisa."

"Hello there squirt." He said, grinning at me over his shoulder. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing." I said. "Can I see your ring?"

He blinked. "My ring?"

"Yeah." I nodded.

"Sure." He said, taking it off and handing it to me. "What do you want to see it for?"

I poked his nose. "Just curiosity. The fact that they adjust to fit the person wearing them is awesome." I put his giant ring on my left ring finger along with my wedding and engagement rings and I smiled when it basically shrunk four times smaller than it had been before.

My hands weren't exactly small. They weren't long at all, but I had thick fingers so I had to usually get very large rings. Kisame's hand, however, was like a fucking bracelet.

He blinked. "Huh… I didn't know they did that." He inspected his ring on my hand. "How did you know they did that?"

"Itachi." I said.

"Say no more." He said with a chuckle, turning back to Samehada.

I wrapped my arms around Kisame's shoulders and kissed his cheek. "Shrimp for dinner?"

"You spoil me." He said, grinning.

"Only because I love you and you deserve it." I told him. I hugged him tightly before getting up. "See you Kisa!"

He waved at me as I left his room through the main door. I smirked to myself, wearing both Kisame and Itachi's Akatsuki rings. My hands felt heavier with them on, but I wasn't worried about that.

Now that I had started this little game, I was determined to finish it. I just needed to find my next victim.

Speaking of victims, here comes my best buddy.

"Hey you!" I said, glomping my good, close, personal friend.

He glanced down at me and patted my head. "Sup bitch?"

"Whatchya doing?" I asked.

"Just cleaned up from a fucking ritual. Why?" He asked.

I shrugged. "Curiosity."

"Whatever. The hell are you doing running around?" He wondered.

"No reason." I said. I grabbed his hand, ignoring his question as to what I was doing, and I looked at his ring. "I like your ring."

He raised his eyebrow at me. "Alright?"

"Can I see it?" I asked.

"I don't give a shit." He said with a shrug as he let me take it off.

I slipped it onto the proper finger and watched it adjust to fit me. "Still awesome."

"What the fuck are you babbling about?" He asked.

"Nothing." I said dismissively. "Where's Kakuzu?"

"Probably in his fucking room." Hidan said.

I nodded. "So how was your ritual?"

He grinned at me. "I did it fucking perfectly. That asshole died all nice, slow, and with a good, long, fucking scream. It felt fucking awesome."

I smiled at him. "Good. That's what I like to hear." I kissed his cheek before heading towards the kitchen. "I'll see you in a bit, Hidan. I need to go ask the others what they want for dinner. I planned on making you some of the ribs in the freezer."

"Sounds good bitch." He said, rumpling my hair.

I gave him one last smile before heading towards Deidara's room. Deidara was my next target and then I'd get Sasori. I'd have to try and find Zetsu before I went after Kakuzu because that miser would be the tough one to crack.

I was certain I could find where they put Orochimaru's old ring. Sasuke had shown Zetsu which base it was and Zetsu had gone to find it. Pein was pleased as punch he got his ring back and he planned on giving it to either Cielo or Tiburon depending on which one wanted it and would be more useful to him.

I quickly found Deidara in his room. Kathryn was with Konan and Sanaa and they were doing each other's nails and decorating one of the larger rooms of the base so it could be a hangout for the females of the organization.

"Hey Dei."

Deidara's hair bounced as he looked up from the piles of stuff he was sitting in front of. He grinned at me and waved with a messy hand. "Hey Alice, un!"

I smiled at him. "What are you doing?" I walked over to him and sat across from him, inspecting the piles of stuff around him.

He gave me his cocky smirk. "I'm making my clay, un." He pointed to large, wet, gray blob. "I went and got that this morning from one of the lakes, yeah." He extended one of his hands and the mouth there bit off a mouthful of clay. "I feed my chakra into it with my Kekkei Genkai, and then I put gunpowder or sulfur in it, whichever I want. Then I use my hands to mix it all together to make it the medium I use for my art, un."

I blinked. "Whoa. Interesting system you've got there, Deidara." I poked the clay. "What does it taste like?"

"The new clay tastes awful." He admitted. "Like mud and dirty water, un." He gestured at the gunpowder. "Gunpowder's not so bad and the pure sulfur smells good so it's bearable. When it's all mixed together, it actually tastes just fine un. Doesn't really taste like anything after a while of using it as much as I do yeah."

"That makes sense." I said. "You do all this with your ring on?"

He looked at his hand. "Yeah, un."

"Doesn't it get dirty?" I asked.

"I do wash my hands, you know un." He said with a grin.

"Thank Jashin." I said, smirking when he scowled at me. "Let me see your ring."

He pulled it off his hand and offered it to me. He dropped it in my palm before flicking his wet, clay covered fingers at me and getting me with some of the water clinging to his skin. I threw a piece of clay at him and he chuckled when it stuck in his hair.

I inspected his ring and put it on, nodding with approval when it fit without needing to change size. Deidara's fingers were longer than mine, but they were pretty much the same size towards the knuckle.

"So, Dei," I said, distracting him from his clay shaping, "what do you want for dinner?"

He shrugged. "Whatever you feel like making is fine, yeah."

"Well, I'm making ribs for Hidan and shrimp for Kisame because I have some of both in the kitchen and I need to get rid of them. I have stuff to make you bakudan if you want that."

"Sure, un." He said with a smile. "Thank Alice, yeah."

"Don't mention it." I said dismissively. I got to my feet and rumpled Deidara's hair, telling him to make me a pretty clay figure, before heading for Sasori's room. I went inside of it, ignoring Deidara's protests to me messing up his hair, and located the puppet master.

Sasori glanced at me from his position on his bed. The Third Kazekage was out and resting before him on the bed as he dipped blades into a large bucket full of a silver liquid on the floor in front of him.

"Hey Danna." I said.

"Alice." He replied. "What brings you here?"

"Boredom." I admitted. I sat beside him on the bed and watched him hold a sword in the liquid for a moment before taking it out and wiping off the dripping liquid with a rag. "Adding poison to your puppets?"

He nodded. "I just finished making a new one a few days ago. It's stronger than my last one and a lot harder to identify."

"Sounds cool." I said. "What's it do?"

"It eats away at the victim's insides, eventually eating holes into the blood stream, through the organs, and through the flesh until their body is nothing more than a pile of steaming liquid." He explained. "It took me a while to get it perfect. I had to Hidan and Zetsu out to get me test subjects quite frequently."

I smirked. "I'm guessing they both bitched you out?"

"Like you wouldn't believe." He said with a sigh.

"Before you get more poison on your hand again, let me see your ring." I said.

He paused and looked at me. "Why?"

"I want to see if your fingers are as big as mine, goober." I stated. "Ring please."

He rolled his eyes and pulled his ring off before giving it to me. I twisted it around in my fingers before slipping it on. It was a little small at first, something I teased him about, but it soon grew to fit me perfectly.

"So, I was thinking, since you're such a poison master," I mused thoughtfully, watching him pour some of his new poison into a sphere that he informed me was like a smoke bomb only more lethal, "that I could look up some poisons for you on the internet and you could use them if you so choose."

He glanced at me. "Sounds interesting."

"The internet is quite the interesting place." I agreed. "I can probably find all kinds. I'll write a few down when I'm bored tonight with nothing to do and show you when we're both not doing anything."

"That sounds just fine to me." He said, going back to his bomb making.

I got up and stretched. "Well, I'm going to start on dinner now. I'll see you later, Sasori."

"See you." He said.

I opened his door and made to walk out when he stopped me. "Do you still have my ring?"

"No." I said quickly.

"Then where is it?"

"On the bed somewhere." I lied. When he started looking through the blanket, I made my escape.

I located Zetsu's room and snuck inside, taking care to avoid stepping on any of his potted plants, I went to the door that connected his room to his garden. I slipped inside and looked around. "Zetsu?"

"What is it, Alice? Why are you in our room?" He asked, popping up behind me through the wall and scaring the ever-loving-shit right out of me.

"Holy fucking hell, Zetsu." I said, grabbing my chest. "You scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry. I'm not. Be nice." He said. "Did you need something?"

I took a deep breath before calming down. "Uh, I don't really need anything. I just have a question."

"Shoot."

"Well, I'm making a bunch of stuff for dinner and I wanted to know what you wanted." I said. "There is some raw meet in the freezer I can warm up for you if you want. I can cook it however you'd like. I'm making ribs, bakudan, and shrimp so far. I'll probably make some dango and stuff for desert if Itachi behaves."

He shrugged. "That will work. We ate a big meal earlier. Something small, like the meat in the freezer, will do just fine. Thank you, Alice."

"Of course buddy." I said. "So, I have another question for you."

He raised his eyebrow.

"When you phase through things, your clothes phase through it too." I said. "Is that because they're touching you or is because they're specially made to mold themselves to your chakra or whatever?"

"Interesting question. No one has ever asked us that before. We've never thought about it. It's probably because it touches us. The cloaks are specially made for each member so that might have something to do with it. But our shoes are nothing special and neither are our under things."

"I get it." I said. "What about your ring?"

He inspected his hand. "Probably like our cloak."

"Can I see it?" I asked.

He pulled it off and offered me it in his palm. I picked it up and inspected it curiously. "Did you know these things change to fit the wearer?"

"Yes. We helped make them. Well, we helped put the seals and jutsu on them. Leader put the Genjutsu on them while Tobi did the rest."

"Interesting." I said, putting it on the proper finger. "You have big hands."

"Yeah."

"You know what they say about big hands right?" I said with a smirk.

He shook his head. "No. What do they say?"

"Big dick." I stated.

Zetsu's white half sputtered while his black half laughed his ass off.

I smiled at his reaction and hugged him. "Well, Zetsu, I'll see you at dinner. I need to go and start cooking."

He patted my head, still laughing and blushing. "Ha, alright kid. See you. Bye Alice. Honestly you two…"

I snickered to myself as I left his garden and made my way towards the kitchen. I quickly started making food and preparing it, careful not to damage my bling or get my new, temporary jewelry dirty.

While I waited for the water to boil for rice, I left the kitchen and located Kakuzu. Said miser was stitching up holes in Hidan's cloak with his stitches while he wrote down stuff in the notebook he kept all of the organizations financial information in. The stitches moved of their own accord and he didn't even bother watching their work as they expertly fixed Hidan's cloak. Said Jashinist was nowhere to be seen.

I know it was Hidan's cloak from the amount of holes in it.

"Hey Kuzu." I said.

"Alice." He greeted. "Need something?"

I sat on an empty space on his desk and looked at him. "You want some liver for dinner tonight? I have two in the freezer that I need to get rid of at some point."

He shrugged. "Sure. Sounds good."

"How do you do that?" I asked.

"Do what?"

"Sew stuff so well."

"I'm old. I've been doing it for a while." He glanced at me. "Not to mention, Hidan is my partner. I have had years of practice with him alone."

"Good point." I said thoughtfully. "So, when your hand hardens with your jutsu and you punch stuff, aren't you ever worried your ring will bust?"

He looked at his ringed hand. "No. It has enough protection on it to where I don't have to worry about it. Every now and again, we'll all be summoned into Leader's office and we'll have our rings inspected to make sure the seals and stuff on it are still intact. If it needs to be repaired, we repair it. If not, we either leave it as is or Pein might have something else for us to add to them." He showed me his hand. "These rings are powerful little things."

"Can I see it?" I asked.

He pulled it off and tossed it to me. I caught it and rolled it around in my hand before putting it on. "Pretty. Yours is thicker than the other members' rings."

They all looked pretty much the same despite the different colors and kanji, but some of them varied in band size and whatnot. Kakuzu's ring was really thick, almost heavy. Kisame's was bigger than the others' but his wasn't as large as Kakuzu's.

"I prefer to be able to have the weight distributed evenly throughout the entire ring rather than it being heavier where the stone is." He stated, going back to his writing. "It helps keep my punches and throw perfectly accurate when my hand isn't off balance because of some ring."

"Makes sense." I said, running my fingers over his ring.

"You're going to be four short."

I blinked. "What?"

"I'm not blind. I see that you've stolen rings from the others." Kakuzu said. "You're not taking mine." He held out his hand. "Give it."

I pouted and gave him back his ring. "You're the first one to catch me."

"None of the others did?" He asked, putting his ring back on.

I shook my head. "Sasori almost did, but I managed to get out of it."

"Ah." He said.

"I distracted everyone." I said, shrugging. I showed him my hand. "I even got Zetsu's."

"I can see that." He stated. "Orochimaru's ring is in Leader's office. So is Leader's and Konan's I'm sure."

I waved my hand. "I didn't plan on getting Pein or Konan's. Pein's working and Konan's elusive so I figured Leaders were off limits. Oh well."

Kakuzu patted my head. "Go make food, kid. Maybe next time."

"Yes sir." I said, giving him a salute.

I quickly made food for everyone, making their favorites as promised, including the kids, Pein and Konan's. I made some dango for Itachi too and I had just finished setting everything up when I called for them to come and get it.

Hidan was the first to arrive. He got himself a large plate and filled it with food before heading to his chair. Tiburon and Cielo came in a few minutes later bickering about their last mission.

Sanaa skipped in with Konan and Kathryn directly after them, soon followed by Kisame and Itachi. Sasori strolled in, his nose buried in a scroll. Kakuzu trailed in behind him with Pein and Deidara brought up the rear.

All of them, besides Deidara and Sasori, went straight for the food. Sasori's reason was obvious and Deidara took a moment to wash his hands with the "better" soap in the kitchen.

We all ate together peacefully and by peacefully I mean only one food fight between the immature members and kids, Hidan got stabbed by Kakuzu, I smacked Tiburon for cussing, Sasori walloped Deidara in the head for chewing with his mouth open and talking loudly in his ear, Zetsu threatened to eat Kathryn, Itachi and Tiburon got in a glaring match over dango only to team up on Kisame when he stole one of the sticks for himself, and Pein yelled at all of us for being hoodlums at the table.

Yes, he said hoodlums.

It totally made my day.

After dinner, we all sat at the table chatting like we usually did before I decided to do dishes, and we enjoyed each other's company.

Kathryn was petting Deidara when she noticed something different about him. She grabbed his hand and inspected it for a minute before frowning.

"What, un?" He asked, looking at his hand.

"Where's your Akatsuki ring?" She asked.

I put my hands under the table, shooting a look at Kakuzu when he smirked at me.

Deidara cocked his head to the side. "I have no idea, yeah. I don't remember taking it off."

"Brat, you should take better care of your things." Sasori said.

"Sori-Danna, yours is gone too." Sanaa pointed out.

Sasori looked at his hand and blinked. "What?"

Pein entwined his fingers, his ring very much on his thumb. "You mean to tell me that you both lost your rings?"

"They've got to be here somewhere." Kakuzu said. "Unless, of course, you two lost them while you were on a mission or something."

"There's no way." Sasori stated. "I'm not that oblivious."

Kakuzu just raised his eyebrow while I hid a smile.

"Kisa, yours is gone too." Tiburon pointed out, grabbing Kisame's hand.

"That's strange." Kisame stated.

"Who else is missing their ring?" Pein asked, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Hidan, Itachi, and Zetsu all raised their hands.

"Where was the last time you saw them?" Konan asked, touching Pein's hand to keep him from killing everyone.

"Fuck if I remember. I never fucking take it off." Hidan said.

"Same." Zetsu said.

Itachi frowned slightly, trying to remember. "I never take it off either, but…" His gaze flicked to me. "Alice."

I looked at him. "Yes?"

"Give me your right hand." He said, holding out his hand.

Half pouting, half smiling, I gave him my hand. He nodded. "I found my ring as well as Deidara's and Zetsu's."

"Oh yeah!" Deidara said. "I was showing Alice my ring earlier. I thought she gave it back though, un."

"As did I." Zetsu said.

"Apparently not." Kakuzu stated.

Itachi pulled his Deidara and Zetsu's rings off of me and tossed them to their owners. He left his alone, instead picking up my left hand. "Kisame, Sasori, Hidan, your rings are here as well."

"I completely forgot about letting her see my ring." Kisame said, accepting his ring from Itachi.

"I thought you said you left it on my bed." Sasori stated, glaring at me while putting his ring back on.

I sniffed. "I might have lied."

"'Might have'?" Hidan scoffed. "You fucking thief."

"It's not my fault you're all easily distracted." I said. "All I had to do was mention food around most of you and you completely failed to remember that I had your rings. I just had to pretend I was interested in what you were doing, which for most of you I was, and you dorks forgot all about your rings." I gestured at Itachi. "All I had to do was act like I was going to rape him and he disregarded his ring entirely."

Itachi shrugged, unembarrassed. He didn't give a shit that I had his ring as long as I didn't lose it. And I didn't. So he didn't care.

Besides, he likes it when I attack him.

"Alice." Pein said with a sigh while Kathryn and Sanaa laughed. Kakuzu chuckled, Konan smiled and my boys snickered to themselves.

"Pein." I replied. "The only person who knew what I was up to was Kakuzu. That's why he still has his ring. He let me see it and everything but me talking about food didn't distract him. He called me out on my scheme and got his ring back." I said. I took off Itachi's ring and put it back on his hand. He caught my hand before I could let him go and he kissed the back of it gently before releasing me.

"You sneaky little bitch." Hidan said.

"You guys are the ones who encourage my kleptomania." I said.

Itachi kissed my forehead. "You are always the last one we suspect when our things go missing."

I shrugged. "What can I say? I'm more ninja than all of you."

They all scoffed. "Yeah right."

So... Amazon...

I love it. I got so much shit from it recently.

I have Itachi and Hidan's necklaces. I have Gaara's tattoo and the Konoha leaf as necklaces. I have two Akatsuki shirts and an Akatsuki cloak. I have all of the RvB seasons, a Deathly Hallows necklace, Slytherin socks, a Zelda hoodie, All of Hellsing Ultimate, and all ten rings of the Akatsuki.

On second thought, the rings might be why I wrote this.

Though I got the rings, I'm a little unhappy with them. Not all of the colors are right. Hidan's ring is supposed to be orange and they made it green. Kakuzu's ring is supposed to be dark green and it's blue. The only ones they got perfect were Kisame and Itachi.

Which, really, to me, is what is important. :)

They are good quality though, which is nice, and I only spent like 30 bucks including shipping and handling.

Side note though: I posted a new oneshot yesterday. It is a present for my cousin, but everyone who has read it so far says they got a kick out of it. So, if you haven't already read it, feel free to go and check it out.

I hope everyone had a good holiday and whatnot. I go back to college the 7th which I am dreading but other than that, I've been sick for two weeks!

Yay sickness!

Anywho, there is a facebook fan page for the kitty trilogy if you're interested. I'll post the link on my profile page. It's literally called Kitty Trilogy and the picture is the Akatsuki cloud in a moon. But yeah.

Toodles my lovelies. I miss you all.