CHAPTER 10

Rachel Starsky arrived late the following afternoon. Hutch picked her up at the airport and took her straight to the hospital to see her eldest son. Her eyes filled with tears when she saw his battered face. Crossing to the bed, she leaned down and gave him a hug, along with a kiss on the cheek. Hutch stood back, listening as she spoke to Starsky in Yiddish. Even though he didn't understand what she was saying, the tone of her voice made it apparent that she was speaking to him fondly, soothing him as only a mother can.

Starsky had often talked fondly about time spent with his grandmother, who could only speak Yiddish, but Hutch had never heard him speak it until now. There was a gentle rhythm to the ancient language that was a pleasure to listen to. Hutch smiled as he watched mother and son interacting. Rachel had the same dark curls with just a few strands of silver woven in with the brown.

"Mama, it's okay." Starsky said, switching to English. "The doctor said I'm going to be okay."

"How could Nicolas do something like this? To his own brother? His blood?" Rachel said her voice bitter with more than a trace of anger in her tone. Her dark blue eyes flashed with fire just like Starsky when he was angry. "This time he's gone too far. This is one thing I can't forgive. He could have killed you…his own brother!"

"But he didn't." Starsky reminded her.

"Thanks to Hutch." Rachel said, throwing a grateful smile in Hutch's direction. "If he hadn't found you when he did, you could have died. For that I owe him my blessing and my eternal gratitude. He's been more of a brother to you than Nicholas ever has."

"Hear that, Blintz?" Starsky said making an effort to smile but quickly changing his mind. "You just got yourself a Jewish mother."

Hutch blushed self-consciously, both flattered and embarrassed by Rachel's heartfelt words and Starsky's good-natured kidding. "I'm glad I was there." He said in a choked voice, still upset when he thought about how close he had come to losing his best friend. The image of Starsky's battered face would remain burned in his memory forever. "I'm just sorry I wasn't around when I should have been or Nicky would never hurt him to begin with. I'd have made sure of that."

"You can't blame yourself for that." Rachel said, "Nobody could have known that Nicky would do such a thing." Rachel's eyes filled with sadness. "I chose to look the other way. I kept praying he would change before it was too late…but, I see now that it's been too late for Nicholas for a very, very long time." A single tear rolled down her cheek. "And I know it's my fault. I gave in to him and let him have his way because I felt so guilty about sending David away."

"Ma," Starsky said sternly. "It's not your fault. You did the best you could…for both me and Nicky. Nicky has always wanted things the easy way. There's something missing in his character, just like the scum Hutch and I put away every day."

"But a mother is supposed to raise her children to be decent and good, responsible members of society and in that I failed…with you and Nicky both."

"That's not true! You raised me right." Starsky said firmly. "You didn't fail me!"

"I failed you when I sent you away to live three thousand miles away from your home and your family." Rachel insisted, beginning to cry in earnest.

"If you hadn't, I would have probably ended up just like Nicky or dead before I turned eighteen! I was on a fast track for trouble and you know it!" Starsky said, defending his mother's decision to send him to California. His voice softened as he reached out and clasped his mother's hand tightly. "Ma, I was thirteen, already a man according to the faith. But you and Pop had already taught me the most important things about being a man…honesty, integrity, a sense of justice and fair play, that all came from you. Everything I've done with my life, I've done because I had those things taught to me at an early age to fall back on."

Rachel said something in Yiddish that Hutch didn't understand but Starsky smiled and nodded, responding back to her in Yiddish. Then they hugged tightly. Rachel blushed as she pulled away from his embrace and wiped away her tears. Smiling at Hutch, she said, "You must forgive me for carrying on like this. You must think I'm a foolish old woman."

"No, I think you're a mother that loves her son very much…both of them." Hutch told her. Hutch envied Starsky for the close relationship that he shared with his mother. Hutch had been estranged from his own parents for years. Rachel Starsky had accepted him with open arms from the day she met him and treated him like one of her own. Hutch had a great deal of respect and admiration for the woman. She and Starsky both had a deep inner strength that had seen them through times that would have destroyed anyone else.

Rachel's eyes darkened. "Yes. I love both of my sons. No matter what he has done, I can not deny Nicholas; but this time, I will not forgive and forget. He must accept responsibility for his actions and pay for what he has done."

"It's time we both let Nicky take the fall and try to pick up the pieces of the mess he left behind. We've both looked the other way too many times and ignored all the signs that were right there in front of us." Starsky said "Neither one of us wanted to admit what kind of man Nicholas had become or what he was truly capable of."

"I'm going to the cafeteria and grab something to eat." Hutch said, "So you two can visit in private."

"You know we're gonna talk about you while you're gone, don't you?" Starsky teased him with a familiar sparkle in his eye.

"My ears are burning already, Gordo." Hutch said affectionately "Just try to keep it clean, okay?"

"Hey, you don't think I'm gonna talk dirty to my mother, do ya?" Starsky said innocently.

"You do and I'll box your ears, young man." Rachel warned him with a warm smile.

"See you got me in trouble already!" Starsky cried defensively.

"Not me, Starsk." Hutch said with a wide grin. "You got into this one all by yourself." He chuckled as he left the room, grateful for the easy familiar banter between them. Rachel and Starsky were both survivors in the truest sense of the word. They would get through this ordeal with dignity and pride, even while dealing with the overwhelming betrayal by one of their own.

When Hutch returned to Starsky's room an hour later, he found mother and son laughing between themselves as they shared memories of Starsky's childhood in New York. When Hutch came in, Rachel announced that she was ready to leave. It had been a long flight and she was tired. Starsky insisted that she stay at his apartment instead of a motel and after some half-hearted refusal on her part, she finally gave in and agreed. Hutch insisted on driving her instead of letting her call a cab. Visibly flustered, she kissed Starsky goodbye and accepted Hutch's gracious offer.

As they left the hospital, she gave a heavy sigh and looked at Hutch closely. In a worried voice, she said, "David was telling me the truth, wasn't he? He really is going to be alright?"

"Yes. He may need some physical therapy for awhile but he's going to be okay." Hutch said, relieved that he could ease her mind. He didn't mention that the doctor had also suggested some mental health counseling to help Starsky deal with being attacked and almost killed by his own brother. Starsky had already been adamant in his refusal to consider talking to a counselor about his relationship with Nicky. Hutch had always been the best counselor for Starsky and he would utilize that if he needed to.

"I'm glad David has someone like you to watch out for him." She said wistfully. "I still worry about him."

"I think that goes along with being a mother."

"Yes, it does. A mother never stops worrying about her children…no matter how old they are." She smiled faintly. "David has grown up to be the kind of man that any mother would be proud of…and Nicky is every mother's worst nightmare."

"You can't blame yourself for that. Nobody else does."

"I wish I could be sure of that."

"I'm sure of it and so is Starsk. That's all that counts."

"I guess you're right. I'm just glad that Michael isn't alive to see what Nicky has become."

"It's hard for anyone to lose a father, no matter how old they are. It must have been really difficult with Starsky and Nicky being so young when it happened."

"Yes, it was…especially for David. He worshiped his father. He didn't know how to deal with his grief and his pain, that's why he started hanging out with the wrong crowd and getting into trouble. Nicky, on the other hand, acted like it didn't matter one way or the other. He just went on with his life. I think that's when I first realized just how different David and Nicky really were, down deep where it counts."

"You had to make some hard decisions, decisions no mother should ever have to make."

"I sent one son away to save him from the streets and then I still lost my other son to those same streets. Sometimes, I think that's my punishment for sending David away."

"You can't think like that. Nicky made his own choices…granted the wrong ones…but he is still the one who made them. And I'm sure that he was raised with the same rules and structure that Starsky was."

"For the most part. After I sent David away, I had to work and I couldn't afford to hire someone to watch Nicky all the time. So his grandmother watched him until she died, but she was too old to handle a young child. Nicky learned to do what he wanted and how to get away with it without being caught."

"I'm sure he had some good teachers who were more than willing to teach him those lessons." Hutch said sarcastically thinking of all the similar stories he had heard over the years from some of the criminals he had busted. "And he was more than willing to learn."

"I knew Nicky was into some things I was better off not knowing about but I never imagined him hurting David this way."

"None of us did." Hutch told her. "I had Nicky pegged as a coward and from what Starsky remembers, he fell and hit his head on the coffee table. He was unconscious before Nicky ever started beating him."

"So even then, Nicky took the coward's way out." Rachel said with a thin brittle smile. "Hit a man when he's down or his back is turned. My God! How could he have gotten so far gone without me noticing it sooner?"

"You said it yourself, he learned how to get away with it without getting caught. You only saw what Nicky wanted you to see. We all did. None of us ever saw the real Nicky."

"I don't even know my own son anymore."

"Maybe it's not too late." Hutch tried to reassure her. "Maybe this will open his eyes and be the wakeup call he needs to straighten out his life."

"But he's still going to jail…probably for a long time."

"Yes, he's going to jail. How long he spends in jail depends on a lot of things."

Their conversation came to an end as Hutch pulled up in front of Starsky's apartment. He walked Rachel to the door and made sure she was safely inside before saying goodbye. Huggy Bear had come by and cleaned the carpet so the bloodstains were no longer noticeable. He had also made sure the refrigerator was stocked with plenty of food. But, Hutch doubted if Rachel would have much of an appetite or if she would get that much rest. She was too upset about what had happened between her two sons and feeling guilty about what she saw as her shortcomings and her failures as their mother. Hutch knew all about guilt trips. He was a master at assuming the guilt for anything that went wrong, especially when Starsky got hurt because Hutch wasn't there to watch his back.