Author's Note: I am increasing the rating of this chapter due to some very mild sexual content.
Steele leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he attempted to find the words to answer Laura's question. He knew she expected and deserved completely honesty, and he was trying to live up to his standard of "Remington Steele's word is his bond". He took a deep breath before beginning to speak - finding the right words with Laura was so hard! In his past, coming up with words had been easier - but maybe it's easy to find words to say when you're lying. But thanks to the time they spent at that spa on a case, Steele understood now that words were as important to Laura as deeds were to him. Somehow he needed to learn to give her the words she needed to hear, just as she needed to learn to read the meaning of his deeds for what they meant.
"Would it be terribly cliche of me to say that I had found something I wanted more than the gems?" He sensed rather than saw Laura stiffen next to him, "Yes, very cliche." He could almost picture her teeth clenching. He leaned back in his chair, "Well, it may be cliche, but it's the truth. I was at the airport waiting to board the plane to San Francisco and found I had no desire to do so. I had completely lost my interest in the gems for something else." Laura said softly, "Something that aroused your curiosity,perhaps, and deserved a magnum of champagne? Would it be that impossible challenge you enjoy so much?" Steele smiled slightly, remembering that conversation over the champagne. He remembered near the end of that case while they were talking, after he had stepped into the shoes of Remington Steele, where she looked so lovely and yet was so angry with him at the same time. "Sort of, but not exactly."
Laura got up and began to pace the room, "So Daniel was right, the only reason you're still here is because you've not been able to get me into bed!" Steele sat up straight, looking shocked. "What?" Laura stopped and looked at him, surprised at his look of surprise. "What do you mean, what?" Steele slowly got up and walked toward her, speaking slowly, "Laura, I think we must be talking about two different things. You asked me why I stayed in Los Angeles instead of following the Royal Lavulite to San Francisco four years ago, when we first met. But you seem to be implying that the reason you think I stayed from 4 years ago is why I'm still here now. That's totally not true." He slowly shook his head, and her look of confusion grew. He reached for her hand, and she allowed him to take it and lead her back to the chair. "Why don't you let me finish answering your first question, and then you can tell me what foolishness Daniel has been telling you, eh?" She nodded.
"So, four years ago I was staking out the security operations for the Royal Lavulite. Standard operating procedure. I took lots of pictures, analyzed the situation and figured out the gems would be coming in via the laundry truck and not the armored truck. Absolutely classic trick of deception, very well planned, I couldn't have done better myself." Laura felt her jaw drop, remembering back to that time, the trial run she and Murphy had done to demonstrate to their client how they would safely bring the gems in and out again using a decoy armored car while the gems actually were arriving via a laundry drunk driven by Murphy. It had never occurred to her that their walk-through was being watched by a potential thief! That was before she had met Steele, who would later introduce himself as Ben Pearson.
Steele reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his wallet, hesitated, and then pulled out a worn piece of paper before handing it to Laura. She took it and looked down in surprise. It was a picture of her, standing next to Hunter, wearing one of her fedoras. It had been cut down to a wallet size out of a larger photograph, and the edges were worn as if it had been handled frequently. She remembered that day; it was the day of the walk through. Steele had staked them out and photographed the whole operation. *Wait a minute. Steele kept a copy of a picture of her in his wallet. A picture that captured the first time he had ever seen her, but before they had ever spoken?* Laura continued to stare at the small picture in shock until Steele reached over and slipped it out of her fingers and back into his wallet. Laura felt a blush building on her cheeks, thinking of the publicity photograph of Steele that she kept hidden in her desk, one of many shots they had taken to form the wall of photographs that decorated his office once he had assumed the role. How many times had she gotten that photo out over the years to look at and ponder the man of mystery sitting in the next office?
Steele continued, "When I came into the office and introduced myself as Ben Pearson and Murphy walked in, I thought I recognized him. I was able to verify that from my pictures and was able to put everything together. But what I remember most about that day was talking with you for the first time, the woman in the photograph that captured my attention through the camera. Later on, I had been cornered at the hotel by those two troublemakers when a woman walked by paging Remington Steele. To escape them, I answered her page. That's when Hunter found me, and introduced me to the real Ben Pearson. Things got really complicated after that. The night before, when we shared the magnum of champagne, we both felt an attraction to each other, I could see it your eyes and I'm sure you saw it in mine. I've been attracted to beautiful women before, but there was something different about you, Laura. You weren't just a pretty face, you were bright, intelligent, witty, charming, and later on, reminded me just a bit of myself." Laura's eyes widened. He nodded, "Oh yes, once I figured out who the real Remington Steele was, or rather wasn't, I knew that you and I were alike in many ways. I will always remember that first dance we shared where I exposed your secret, and you looked at me which such fire in your eyes. You created a person out of thin air and made him real to the world, a man of substance who didn't really exist, while I was the figure out in the real world without any substance behind me. Then I turned around and betrayed you by taking the place of your creation."
Steele sighed, "After we stopped Hunter from getting away with the jewels, for the first time ever I was the hero instead of creeping away in the shadows with my treasure in-hand, and it felt surprisingly good. For the first time in my life, I began to wonder if there was another way to live my life. I'd built up a rather unique set of skills over the years, and my lack of a true identity and shady past would have made it impossible for me to leave my old life behind and start fresh without some preparations. But there you and the Agency were with a ready-made identity I could step into, and a role that I really enjoyed playing. I could come out from the shadows and become respectable! Who would have ever thought that, not I! The impossible challenge that brought me back as Remington Steele wasn't just the attraction I felt for you, Laura, and the desire to explore that, but the challenge of trying to live as honest a life as I ever had before in my life. I know that is probably hypocritical to say. I was just doing another impersonation, playing another part, conning people in a different way. But not you, Laura. I know I don't share my past with you very easily or very often. Sometimes, it's not a pretty picture and it's better it remains buried in the past. Over the years, I think I have learned to be a pretty good detective thanks to your help. Once you started taking me seriously, and I understand why you didn't at first, we learned to work very good together. I'm sure at first you were hedging your bets, wondering when I would get tired of playing the detective game and return to my old life. Especially when Daniel would make an appearance in our lives. Sometimes I think you were surprised I stayed with you. But Laura, as time went by, the more I came to like this new life I'm living, and spending it with you. Don't you remember me telling you that I'm not the same man that walked through the door to become Remington Steele?" Laura nodded, "Well, that's true. Daniel, however, still thinks me of as his Harry, the person I used to be. So whatever Daniel told you about me, he was saying how he thought Harry felt or what Harry's motivation was. I am not his Harry anymore, Laura, except in Daniel's mind. I'm your Remington Steele now, or my best version of him anyway, and my reasons for staying now are different than the reasons I stayed back then. Now tell me, what exactly did Daniel tell you that has upset you so much?" He sat waiting for her to tell him.
Laura took a deep breath before saying quietly, staring down at her hands clasped in her lap. "Back when you were pretending to be Reggie, the Duke's heir, Daniel and I had a little talk. I guess you could say we were fighting over who got to keep you. Anyway, he said that you were only still around because you wanted to get me into bed. That once you had achieved the "Ultimate Moment", you'd have no reason to stay, and you'd go away, back to your old life." Steele sighed, and looked up to the ceiling in frustration. *Daniel, I would so like to throttle you sometimes, old man* "Yes, I remember, and we talked about it after you saved me from that chandelier, and I told you that there were many reasons why I stayed besides wanting to be with you - including devotion to our work." Laura looked down at her tightly gripped hands. "Well, I think maybe I wanted to believe that was true, so I let myself believe it, and now.... I'm not so sure."
Remington sighed, "Like I told you after I was framed for that diamond heist, Laura, I'm grateful for the life I have here, for the life you've given me, and I'm not going anywhere. I'm very grateful you're a part of that life." Steele's voice trailed off in a whisper as he finished speaking. It was usually so hard for him to talk about his feelings. Usually the only times he's been able to be so candid he's been emotionally stressed, or had the time to think hard before putting the words onto paper. Talking about his feelings spontaneously just didn't happen normally. He said softly, "Do you remember all the things I wrote in my letter to you at the spa? They're very much the reason why I'm still here after four years. It's the longest I've ever stayed in one place in my whole life, the longest I've ever spent with one person in my life, and Laura," Steele looked at her and waited until she made eye contact. "If you think I'm going to disappear the morning after we figure out how to take this relationship to the next level, you are very much mistaken. I dare say one taste will make me hungry for even more." His voice was deep and rough with the desire that he usually kept carefully suppressed when around Laura. He knew he could only express his desire to a point before she became skittish, and had learned over the years where the line was and adjusted as it moved back and forth. His control slipped just a little and he carefully crossed his leg while he still had Laura's eyes locked with his, hoping she wouldn't notice that he was getting aroused by the conversation.
Laura stared at him, struck by his candor. Steele being so open and honest with her was something completely unexpected. When these moments would happen between them, they would remained locked in her memory, like "Xenos" comforting her after her house had been destroyed. That glimpse into his past helped her to understand the man he was. More than anyone she knew, he was a product of his life experiences. Over the past four years, momentary glimpses like that had helped her to feel closer to the man the world knew as Remington Steele. He was the man with no name of his own, only the name she had given him. He didn't even have his old aliases to fall back on anymore; those passports being confiscated when they were in London a year ago. Yet she continued to call him "Mr. Steele", always keeping him at arm's length in that small way. Of course part of the reason she found it so hard to call him "Remington" is she always pictured a typewriter when she even thought the word. The name seemed so prestigious when it belonged to someone who didn't exist and who you never thought you would want to be on a first-name basis with! *Certainly not the name you'd pick for the person you had fallen in love with* Laura took a deep breath, not ready to pursue that line of thought any more, at least not with Steele sitting right there. She sighed, "Well, you've certainly given me a lot to think about. Let's find ourselves a book and head for the beach, shall we?" Steele recognized that her skittish side had taken over and Laura was backing away from the conversation as quickly as she could to re-group.
Laura got up and started to look at the closest set of shelves. There seemed to be a variety of books available from modern day thrillers to classic literature. Steele started chuckling from his chair. She turned and saw him reach forward to pick up two books resting on the table that sat between the chairs where they had been talking. "I think the room already picked our books out for us." She walked over and reached for the first book, "The Big Sleep" by Raymond Chandler. Smiling, she reached for the second much larger book and was not surprised to find it was "Gone With the Wind" by Margaret Mitchell. She smiled and slipped both books into her tote bag, "I'd say we have our books, let's find the beach." Steele let her lead the way to the patio doors. There was white wicker furniture out there along with a small sign indicating the path to the lagoon.
Meanwhile back in the sitting room, the mirror had returned to its mirror state once Steele and Laura left the room. Mildred's hands had been clenched during most of their conversation. The secret was out, what would Mr. Roarke do with this information? How could her little fantasy have blown up so badly around her like this? Mr. Roarke continued to watch the mirror for a few moments before muttering, "Interesting, very interesting." He turned to look at Mildred, "You knew the truth, of course." She nodded, "But only for about a year or so. The first couple of years I worked there, I didn't have a clue. I probably don't know the entire story myself." Mr. Roarke nodded, "And this man named Daniel? Who is he?" Mildred looked away, "Daniel and Mr. Steele used to work jobs together, pulling cons and stealing things. I guess he sort of was a mentor to Mr. Steele, a father-figure. They met when Mr. Steele was a child or early teenager, I think. He keeps trying to pull the Boss back into his old life, but he chooses to stay here." Mr. Roarke nodded, "Yes, it's making sense now. I think this confirms what I suspected, and my plan will work." He stood up and went over to Mildred. "Tonight will be a long night for us both, why don't you use one of the guest rooms here at the main bungalow and rest. We'll have some lunch later and you can return to your bungalow for dinner and to change for tonight." Mildred stood up, "I think that's a good idea. I didn't sleep very well last night." He led the way out into the main room and towards a door that led to a guest room. At the doorway she stopped and looked up at Mr. Roarke, "You will keep their secret, won't you Mr. Roarke? They would be destroyed if the truth came out..." He bent down and took her hand and put a gentle kiss on the back of it, "Rest assured, Mildred, their secret is as safe with me as it is with you." She smiled, feeling better, and went into the room to lay down. Mr. Roarke headed for his study to finish his plans. He was tempted to check on them at the beach, but felt he had invaded their privacy enough for one day.
Laura led the way, while Steele strolled along behind her, keeping her in sight and admiring the way she wore her sarong skirt. Focusing his attention on that helped to stem the anger that had been building towards Daniel. Daniel had asked him several times over the years to leave his life as Remington Steele behind him and return to the life of a professional con artist. He knew it was the reason he continued to call him Harry after repeatedly being told his name was now Remington Steele. He had forgotten about the incident from a couple of years earlier, but obviously Laura had not. Perhaps there was a darker side to his mentor that he had never seen before, or just chose to ignore. Living as a con artist wasn't exactly a squeaky clean way to get by, even though they always tried to avoid injuring anyone physically or financially. Not exactly Robin Hood, as they stole from the rich and kept it for themselves, but they never stole from anyone would couldn't afford the loss.
Why couldn't Daniel understand that he wanted to be here, wanted to be with Laura, wanted her to want to be with him? Hell, why couldn't Laura understand that? He knew Laura had a fear of him leaving her like her father did and like Wilson did. It was that fear that held her back from advancing their relationship, he was sure of it, he just had no clue how to help her get past her fears, any better than he knew how to get past his own fears of committment. He held back a sigh as he saw Laura pause at the end of the path. He caught up to her in a few steps and paused himself looking down at the amazing view. It was a private lagoon with peaceful water, a white sandy beach with a small tent with two chairs already set up next to a cooler. Laura led the way down onto the beach, and they could see a pile of towels sitting next to the cooler. Laura dropped her bag next to one of the chairs, and began to undo the knot of her sarong. Steele walked over to the cooler, and opening it found a selection of fruit juices and fresh fruit, excellent snacking for a day at the beach. He glanced back to tell Laura what he found, but stopped in silence as he saw the sarong fall to the ground and Laura start running down towards the water in her little red bikini. Steele felt his mouth grow dry and dropped the cooler lid with a thud. Laura ran into the water, and as soon as she was deep enough, dove into the water and began swimming strongly. Laura was a good swimmer, she had competed in a triathlon once. Steele thought his heart might have skipped a beat or two at the sight of her running down to the beach in that bikini.
He sat down in the beach chair, debating on whether to join her in the water or let her swim and think in solitude for awhile. Glancing at his wristwatch they had hours yet until dinner that night, there would be plenty of time, giving her time to think might be the safest bet. He pulled his sunglasses out and put them on and settled back on the chair, comfortable in the heat just to relax and allow his body to calm itself down before Laura returned. He had plenty of his own things to think about after their conversation. It was one of the first times he had been able to verbally express something he felt to her, that was something of a breakthrough for him. He wasn't ready to say those three words he knew she wanted to hear, but she knew he cared about her, and wanted her. He knew that, and he tried so hard to show her that. Someday he'd find the courage to put into words what he had been showing in her deed all these years.
Just as he was about to drift off into a light nap, he heard an awkward sounding splash from the water. He sat up with a start and looked wildly around for Laura. For an instant, he felt panic flood through him as he could no longer see her swimming around in the lagoon. After a second, she came back up to the surface, but seemed to be struggling to stay afloat and was calling for help. "HOLD ON LAURA, I'M COMING!" He kicked off his shoes and pulled down his slacks, and ripped his shirt the rest of the way off as he ran towards the water and dove in. He swam towards her as quickly as he could, pausing only to gain his bearings to where she struggled to stay afloat. About 10 strokes before he reached her, she went under and didn't come right back up. "LAURA" he yelled out, before diving down into the depths of the lagoon.