The Fellowship

by Nirette

The Fellowship randomly gets transported into our world and is placed in several odd situations with two 'guides'. Rated T mostly because of the language. There are no Mary Sues :D Chapter 11 is up!

10. Goes on Several Adventures!

*If your story suggestion doesn't appear, it is for one of these four reasons:

1. The suggestion was too close to a chapter that was already posted.

2. The suggestion was too close to an upcoming chapter that I have planned.

3. The suggestion didn't follow the given rules.

4. The suggestion wouldn't have made for a very long chapter – if you suggested, for example, that Legolas sneezes and needs a tissue, I can't really make that into a mini-chapter. Sorry xD

Well, first off I would like to say I AM SO SORRY YOU HAVE NO IDEA I FEEL SO BAD AND I JUST DESERVE ALL OF THE YELLING THAT YOU'D LIKE TO YELL AT ME AND YEAH SO PLEASE FEEL FREE TO GET ANGRY AND SHOUT AT ME AND BASH ME ON LIKE YOUR PROFILE PAGE AND WHATEVER BECAUSE I FEEL SO BAD FOR MAKING YOU GUYS WAIT THIS LONG BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME AND I SUCK AND I'M SORRY THAT I DO AND YOU GUYS PUT UP WITH IT AND YOU SHOULDN'T BUT THERE'S NO OTHER WAY TO DO THIS SO I'M SORRYYYYY SO SORRY AND PLEASE DON'T HOLD BACK YOUR ANGER BECAUSE IT'LL HELP ME NOT DO THIS EVER AGAAAAAAAIN. I just realised that I used basically no punctuation in that run-on sentence. You probably don't want to read it all, so I'll summarise: SORRY. I'M SO SORRY. I'M SORRY FOR MAKING YOU WAIT AND YOU CAN BE ANGRY AT ME.

If you feel that you need more apologising, just ask me and I can apologise more. I'm sorry. So sorry. Sorry x infinity and beyond.

Secondly, this chapter is a bit shorter than planned (specs at the bottom), because I found a lot of suggestions sounded like they were going to make big chapters, but then turned out to sound really stretched when writing them. Sorry :(

Thirdly, thank-you's will be stated next chapter because you guys probably want this chapter as soon as I can post it, and looking through my messy email to find the names of people who followed, reviewed, etc will postpone posting this. SORRY AGAIN D:

Finally, I hope you enjoy this even though it was late! It took a lot of work to make (time at the bottom) and it was fun :D So enjoy :D

…Runs a Candy Store!

(suggested by a guest)

'Pippin, I swear, if you keep on chewing on my shoe I will kick out your front teeth,' Heather sighed as the hobbit slobbered all over her sneaker.

'FOOT-Y GOODNESS!' Pippin screeched, letting go of the shoe. He then rolled over to Merry. 'HELLO FRIEND!'

'Hullo Pip,' Merry said with an eyebrow raised. Pippin shrieked with giggles and started to drool.

'Pippin and Red Bull do not mix very well,' Amanda stated.

'My eyes are still kind of in pain,' Legolas groaned.

'Suck it up, Leggy-kins,' Heather said as she tried to wipe off the saliva from her foot using her sleeve. 'Urgh. Pippin drools enough to wash a car.'

Then the world became bright.

'WHY?' Heather screamed, slapping her hands over her face. Sadly, she had forgotten that her sleeve was soaked with Pippin-slobber. She ended up getting a face full of it. 'GROSS!'

'We appear to be at a candy store,' Amanda said, staring up at a bright storefront. 'Just what Pippin needs; more caffeine.'

'EGGS!' Pippin randomly squealed in joy.

'Ooh, we loveses eggses, precious!' Gollum agreed wholeheartedly.

'Should we go inside?' Amanda asked Heather.

'I think we're supposed to,' Heather responded with a grimace. 'Alright. Let's go in.'

The group walked up to the door and entered, going into a room. The walls were splatted with multicolour paint and the floor consisted of various colours of tiles cut up and glued down. There was one large counter under which candy was kept in large glass jars, and across from this display were several large bookcases holding boxes and bags of sweets.

'I'm slightly speechless,' Heather stated, gazing around the room.

'YUM!' Pippin suddenly screeched. He had secretly snuck away from the group and had found a bowl of hard candies. He was eating them, wax paper wrappings and all.

'Pippin!' Amanda squeaked. 'You'll get sick!'

'THEY TASTE LIKE SAM'S FEET!' Pippin decided, finishing off the bowl. 'SAAAAAAAAAM!'

'Pippin…' Sam sighed, hanging his head.

'I found uniforms!' Amanda suddenly declared, holding up a bundle of candy floss coloured aprons.

'Eurgh,' Heather groaned, looking at them. 'I take it we're working here?'

'I guess so – Pippin, you don't eat the wrapper!' Amanda exclaimed as Pippin attempted to eat a chocolate bar.

Suddenly the door behind them opened and they all turned around. There stood a customer, looking strangely at them all.

'H-hey?' they said slowly, staring particularly weirdly at Gollum.

'HULLO! MY NAME IS-IS-IS-IS PIPPIN!' Pippin shouted back, scaring the person so much that they gave the company one last sweeping glance and hurriedly walked out.

'Pip, you're making us lose business,' Heather sighed, putting on her pink apron.

'OH NO!' Pippin shrieked, and then began to laugh hysterically.

'We'll have to humanely secure you in a location that will help us better our customer's experience but not put you in harm's way. Can you let us do this?' Heather asked professionally.

'OKAY!' said Pippin, oblivious.

A few minutes later, he was tied up in a back room using taffy wrappers and a few bits of random duct tape.

'Okay, so nobody let a customer go into the back room,' Heather warned everybody as she shut the door on the unaware hobbit. The others nodded as they put on their aprons.

'Pink! Pah, pink is a terrible colour,' Boromir complained bitterly.

'Hey, at least you don't look like Gollum,' Heather consoled him.

'We hates you,' Gollum hissed.

'Likewise, hobbit-mutant-thing. Okay, so where do I stand?' Heather asked. 'It's a bit tight in here.'

'You can be a cashier. I'll be one too. Everyone else can just…help people, I guess,' Amanda explained with a frown. Then, in walked a customer. 'Why, hello! Welcome to…to…'

It was at that point that she realised she didn't know what the store was called.

'…to our store…place…thing…' Heather said, trying to be helpful.

'Right…' the customer muttered. 'I need to buy some bulk jelly beans for a party.'

'What's a jelly bean?' Legolas questioned. The person just stared at him.

'Jelly beans are right here!' Amanda said quickly, taking a jar of the multicoloured candy out from under the counter.

'No, no, I only want orange ones,' the person said impatiently.

'Oh, okay. We should have some orange ones around here,' Amanda assured them. Sadly, none were to be found except for the ones mixed up in the jar. 'Erm…Heather can pick the orange ones out of the jar for you! How much do you think you'll need?'

'A lot,' the person grumbled as the jar was passed to Heather.

'I have to go through all of this?' Heather whined.

'Just get a bag and start sorting,' Amanda told her sternly.

'Fine,' Heather sighed, grabbing a plastic bag and starting to put orange jelly beans in it.

'Wait, wait!' the customer suddenly shouted. 'You're putting the wrong colours in the bag!'

'…what?' Heather asked. 'They're all orange…'

'No, see; that one is peach-toned!' the customer clarified, pointing irritably at a jelly bean in the bag. 'That one is too; and that one is too; and that one!'

'They look orange,' Heather complained.

'They're not,' the customer snorted.

'Holy shi-,'

'Heather!'

Heather clenched her teeth, swearing profusely in her head as she took away the "peach-toned" jelly beans and added more orange ones to the bag.

It seemed to be a very popular candy shop; over the course of an hour, many customers came in. Heather was still picking orange jelly beans from the jar, and the customer had left to go do more shopping, leaving their cell phone number for when Heather had sorted out a few bags of jelly beans.

'Do you think they'll go through the bags before they buy them?' Heather questioned Amanda.

'Probably not,' Amanda answered.

'Good,' Heather decided, tossing peach-toned jelly beans into her bag.

Then, half an hour later, she had finished her task.

'Ew,' Heather moaned, staring at her multicoloured hands. She reached for the store's phone and dialed the person's number. They picked up after a few rings. 'Hey, it's me, from the…candy store place. Want to come and pick up your order?'

'Erm, I bought the orange jelly beans from a different store. Sorry!' the person responded, and then hung up. Heather stared at the phone for a few seconds, then let out a huge roar, picked up the jelly bean jar, and chucked it at the window. It broke through with a crash, spraying glass and jelly beans all over the outside sidewalk. Thankfully, nobody had been walking by at the time.

'Heather!' Amanda shouted.

'I HATE ORANGE JELLY BEANS!' Heather decided loudly, throwing the bags also through the hole in the window and onto the sidewalk.

Another half hour later and two unhappy looking men walked into the store.

'Hello, welcome to our store! Would you like to test a marshmallow treat?' Amanda said quickly, although she had a feeling that these men weren't interested in sweets.

'We're here from Health and Safety. We had a call from a person driving by your store – apparently a jar of gumballs came flying through your window. That would explain the hole in the glass,' one of the men explained sharply.

'Ah, wrong store,' Heather said, 'sorry.'

'I beg your pardon?' the man questioned.

'You're at the wrong store. The jar that went through the window here was full of jelly beans, not gumballs. Sorry!' Heather illuminated quickly.

'We're not here for games,' the other man sighed.

'Ooh! We likes gameses!' Gollum suddenly announced.

'What…' one of the men's voices trailed off as he stared at Gollum. Then he cleared his throat. 'We'll need to take a look around your store. It is also now officially shut down, and investigations will ensue.'

He then headed towards the back room, no doubt about to inspect it. It was at that moment that both Heather and Amanda remembered about their hobbit friend being tied up in the room, and how that probably would not go over well with an inspector.

'Before you go in there,' Amanda said speedily, 'why not try one of our marshmallow treats?'

'Or-or-or…or a chocolate!' Heather suggested.

'No thanks,' the man replied coolly, 'I'm on a diet.'

He then opened the door.

'HERRO!' Pippin shouted from behind his gag. He struggled to his feet and started to walk towards the doorway. 'MER NERM ERS PER-EN!'

'What the hell?' the man shouted. 'You are holding a child captive?!'

'Ooooh dear,' Heather sighed as Pippin toppled over (his hands still tied up) onto the ground, giggling like a maniac around his gag.

'He's not a child!' Amanda explained optimistically.

'You still are holding someone captive!' the other man yelled at her.

'No, we're just keeping him in a safe and secure area,' Heather said.

'You've tied him up with wrappers!' one of the men screamed.

'And…and duct tape,' Heather admitted in shame.

'I helped!' Gimli added proudly.

'You're all going to jail!' one of the men hissed. Then the lights went out.

'Pippin, I'm…I'm…oh, never mind,' Heather sighed, lying down on the dark room's floor. 'I'm glad that ended when it did.'

'ERM STERLL TERD ER-P!' Pippin bellowed.

'Good,' Heather muttered breathlessly. Nearby, Gollum started to cough. 'What now, mutant-hobbit?'

'Poison! Foes! Treachery! Gollum!' Gollum shouted.

'What did you eat this time?'

'I gave him one of those marshmallow treats,' Sam said, a bit abashed.

'I'll forgive you if you give me one.'

'ER WERNT ERN!'

'Pippin, for one thing you're gagged, and secondly you don't need any more sugar.'

'…dermn ert.'

…Goes to a Fancy Restaurant!

(suggested by The NCISElf)

'Pippin, eating plastic isn't good,' Heather said knowledgably as Pippin attempted to eat the wrappers that had once held him (he had somehow torn them off.)

'BUT I'M HUNGRY! LIKE, SUPER, TOTALLY, AMAZINGLY HUNGRY! FOOD! NEED FOOD NOW!' Pippin exclaimed.

'You could have a marshmallow treat,' Sam suggested – he had hidden many in his pocket.

'Or not!' Amanda interjected quickly.

'BUT I' M STARVING!' Pippin shrieked, waving his arms around enthusiastically.

'Yes, but we don't want you to become more hyper,' Amanda said as if talking to a child.

'BUT I'M HUNGRY…AND DAVE ISN'T HERE WITH HIS MAGICAL JUICE ANYMORE AND THAT MAKES ME SAD,' Pippin exclaimed, still wiggling his arms. 'DAVE AND I ARE BEST FRIENDS. I WISH THAT HE WASN'T GOOOONE!'

'Pippin, I hate to break the news to you, but Dave doesn't like you,' Heather said somberly.

There was a silence.

'LYING MAKES PEOPLE GROW BIG EYEBROWS!' Pippin told them all. 'HEATHER, DON'T LIE, OR ELSE YOU'LL GET BIG EYEBROWS!'

'I'll keep that in mind, Pip,' Heather said, rolling her eyes.

Then the world became bright.

'ERRG!' Heather screeched, dramatically keeling over.

'W-welcome,' an unsure voice sounded from above them. They looked up (except for Heather, who was still complaining about her eyes.)

'Hello,' Amanda said towards the person; a waiter, it seemed.

'May I show you to your table?' he asked, trying not to stare at their pink uniforms.

'Eyes…' Heather moaned.

'Try being sprayed in the face with pepper spray,' Legolas hissed.

'We'd love to go to our table!' Amanda decided loudly. They all got up and followed the waiter. He led them to a very beautiful table in a secluded room of a restaurant (at least, Amanda was pretty sure that they were in a restaurant – there were framed pictures of newspaper articles written by food critics everywhere.)

'Have a seat. May I take your drink orders?' the waiter asked.

'I think a jug of water would be good for each of us,' Amanda declared, sitting down.

'E-each?' the waiter stammered.

'WATER! THIRSTY!' Pippin screamed – there had been a bathroom at the candy store and he was now ready to drink again.

'Alright…you have your menus in front of you, so-,' the waiter began, but the sound of tearing paper stopped him – Pippin was ripping up his menu. 'We…we have a children's menu, if he wants one.'

'RIP PAPER! TIED UP WITH WRAPPERS BEFORE, NOW FOOD!' Pippin yelled.

'Right…' the waiter nodded before leaving the room. He came back several times, dispersing jugs of water that were greedily downed. When he had delivered the last jug (it was to Pippin – the hobbit stuck his face in the jug in order to drink it, surfacing only to blurt out random words and take deep breaths) he straightened his back and put on a smile. 'May I take your orders?'

'Kay, so we're all half-starved right now, so be prepared,' Heather forewarned. 'I'd like two plates of spaghetti – extra cheese, extra meatballs, extra garlic bread, et cetera. I'd also like a plate of ribs and a plate of shrimp. And a basket of bread. And another jug of water. And maybe a glass of juice? And then I might order more food after that – I'll definitively order dessert.'

The waiter gave her a long look.

'I myself cannot even finish one plate of spaghetti – and you want two? And other orders as well? The plate of ribs is very large too…and the shrimp is enough to feed three; it's a group meal!' the waiter explained. 'But…alright. Everyone else?'

The rest of the table placed their orders – Gimli asked for five plates of ribs, which made the waiter nearly faint. Amanda requested a few buckets of raw seafood for Gollum, and she asked that Pippin should get food with the least amount of sugar. This turned out to be a fish and rice dish, so she ordered four, along with a bread basket. The amount of food was astronomical.

When the waiter eventually returned, he came with several other waiters dragging heavy carts behind them. The food was distributed and the waiter promised to return often to see if they needed anything.

There was quite a bit of silence as everyone ate. They were all so hungry that no one – not even Pippin – talked for a long time. Even Legolas was devouring his five-cheese roasted spinach salad without a word.

Finally, though, when people were feeling a bit fuller, there was talking and laughter. Pippin was feeling less hyper with food sitting in his stomach, and was actually able to form coherent sentences (although he still laughed loudly at even the slightest thing.)

The waiter kept on coming and clearing away plates, plates, and even more plates. He kept on bringing food too, although most of this was going to the hobbits. Sam, for example, had already demolished seven plates of ribs and was working on his eighth, mixing it up with an entire gravy boat's worth of gravy. Pippin had eaten probably enough fish fillets to make up a small tiger shark, Merry had eaten enough steaks to make up a calf, and Frodo – who was usually very dainty – had eaten probably the equivalent to a bag or two of potatoes, baked with extra sour cream and chives.

Gollum was also enjoying himself – the seafood was much better than what he usually ate, and much more plentiful. He had gone through his first buckets quickly, and had screeched for more so loudly that the waiter had heard him from across the building and had to bring him a bucket before he made the rest of the customers deaf.

Yet then the food started to come slower, and in fewer quantities. Gollum's buckets began to appear half full – Pippin's fish came without the rice – Sam's ribs were smaller – Merry's steaks were small too – and Frodo's potatoes were arriving with no sour cream or chives.

Eventually the waiter appeared with no food in hand. 'I regret to inform you,' he began, 'that we have…erm…run out of dinner-food. We apologise. May we interest you in dessert?'

'He said dessert!' Pippin called out, and then burst into giggles.

'I'm. So. Full.' Heather groaned. 'But I saw in the menu that you have ice cream. I'll have a very small bowl.'

'Can I try some fruit salad?' Legolas asked hopefully.

The others made their orders, except for the hobbits – they came last.

'And…you?' the waiter asked them hopefully – so far his order was quite normal, and he wanted to keep it that way.

'D'you have cake?' Pippin questioned.

'Yes,' the waiter responded.

'I'll take three – no, make that four. I'd also like a bowl of fruit salad, some rolls, pastries, and…um…ice cream. Lots. I'm very hungry still.'

'I'll order the same!' the other hobbits agreed, sending the waiter off with waves of their hands.

'Hobbits,' Amanda sighed.

When the food came back, it had to be once again dragged in on carts. The hobbits ate their food quickly, as if they hadn't eaten any main meals.

'Legolas!' Pippin screeched, very cheerful after consuming a cake (Amanda was hoping that since it wasn't chocolate cake that it wouldn't make him too hyper.)

'Y-yes?' Legolas stammered as he picked at his salad.

'Are you going to eat your fruit-salad-goodness?!' Pippin screamed.

'N-no…'

'KAY!' Pippin bellowed before grabbing the bowl from the elf and downing it.

'Keep it classy, Pip,' Heather groaned. Just then, she noticed Merry staring wistfully at her ice cream. 'You can have it!'

Merry grabbed it greedily and slurped it down.

'I feel sick,' Legolas said, staring at the content hobbit.

The hobbits ordered more and more desserts, until eventually the waiter reappeared with no food in hand again.

'You've eaten…everything,' he explained, looking rather peeved.

'No more fruit salad?' Pippin asked.

'No.'

'No more ice cream?' Merry questioned.

'No!'

'Not even any cake?' Sam queried (he himself had already eaten five.)

'NO MORE BLOODY CAKE!' the man yelled before stomping out of the room, throwing a piece of paper onto the floor. He could be heard down the hall, shouting things about how the place was going to go out of business, how he was in trouble, etc, etc.

'That's my new catchphrase; NO MORE BLOODY CAKE!' Heather decided. 'What's the paper?'

Amanda got up, stretched, and retrieved the paper. 'The bill…'

'How much is it?' Heather asked with a laugh.

'Five thousand two hundred forty-seven dollars…and twenty-eight cents.'

'Oh my god,' Heather said slowly. Then she burst into a fit of laughter, and Pippin, being more hyper than the rest of the hobbits, joined in enthusiastically.

'Even if we had all of the money from the game show, we couldn't afford this!' Amanda realised. 'This isn't good.'

Suddenly the waiter stalked back in, followed by a jolly looking man with a clipboard and great girth – he was the manager of the restaurant.

'So, you must be the big eaters tonight, huh?' he said, and then started to laugh. Pippin joined in with his own cackles that outlasted the man's, spanning over a few awkward minutes. Finally Merry stuffed a napkin into Pippin's mouth to shut him up. 'Erm…easily amused, huh? Hah hah…yeah. So, you have the bill, right?'

'Yeah, about that…' Heather started. She took in a long breath. 'You see…we had the money to pay for it…but then that waiter robbed us!'

She pointed to their waiter.

'So, yeah. Can we go now?' Heather said with a hopeful grin.

'I didn't steal from them!' the waiter cried aloud.

'Yes you did,' Heather said.

'No!'

'Yep.'

'NO!'

'Yeeep.'

'No-no-no-NO!'

'Don't bother arguing with her about this sort of thing; she could defy someone forever,' Amanda explained.

'No I couldn't,' Heather exclaimed defiantly.

'Now, there must be some misunderstanding here,' the man said, waving his hands around to calm them down. 'Just…just pay us and you can go. If you can't produce the money…well…'

He then held up a cell phone.

'Then the police will have to get involved.'

'What now?' Amanda hissed at Heather.

'I know what to do; don't worry, I can handle this,' Heather assured her. She cleared her throat. 'You don't know who we are.'

This sort of creepy comment wasn't expected. The waiter and the man gave each other concerned looks.

'Who are you?' the man asked.

'MURDERERS!' Heather shouted. She then jumped up, holding her steak knife in one hand, and using the other to hit Gimli in the face. Gimli jumped up in anger, displaying his axe on his belt. Aragorn leapt to his feet to chide Heather, yet then he noticed her plan and also noticed that the waiter and the man could see his sword. Pippin thought that everyone was trying to show off their weapons, so he took a knife from the table and threw it at the light. Boromir sat back and laughed a bit, and Legolas hid under the table, which was a pretty smart idea – the light bulb that Pippin had hit came crashing down where he had been seated.

'I'M CALLING THE POLICE!' the man shouted as the waiter gave a most unmanly scream. They both bolted away, Heather pursuing them holding her knife and yelling at the top of her lungs. She soon returned, shut the door, and pushed a chair under the handle.

'Heather!' Amanda scolded as soon as Heather turned around.

'I said I'd handle it!' Heather said defensively. 'It's not like I actually killed anyone.'

'We can get arrested for things like this!'

'So you get angry at me for threatening someone with a knife; not actually killing them, just threatening; but you're fine when I tied up Pippin in a closet with wrappers and duct tape?'

'I helped!' Gimli added proudly.

'He needed to be secured!' Amanda said defensively. 'You didn't need to threaten people with a knife!'

'What was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to say "Well, we don't have enough money for this, so sucks to be you"? Either way, we'd still be threatened with the police. At least we can crawl through a window now!' Heather shouted.

'There aren't any windows in this room!' Amanda yelled back.

'Oh…' Heather said, looking around. 'Well then…there goes that plan, heh heh…wow. No windows? That's terrible for ventilation. Anyways, time for Plan B!'

'Does Plan B involve threatening people with knives?'

'No, threatening people with holding someone hostage. For example; Pippin!'

'NO!'

There was a large argument on what they should do. Eventually, their door began to rattle.

'THIS IS THE POLICE; OPEN UP!' came a voice from behind it.

'NOBODY'S HERE!' Heather shouted.

'I'm here!' Pippin exclaimed.

Then suddenly the door buckled and fell forward; a man had knocked it down. It was a police officer, and he was holding up a gun at the "murderers". Others were behind him. 'Hands in the air!'

'Why?' Pippin asked dumbly.

'Do as he says,' Amanda hissed at the hobbit, 'he has a gun.'

'I won't listen to him,' Legolas decided proudly.

'He also has pepper spray,' Heather told the elf. Legolas quickly put his arms above his head.

'That means you!' the man shouted at Gollum, the latter sitting still on the floor with a bucket on his head.

'Whyses?' Gollum complained. 'We don't wants to, precious.'

'Hands in the air!' the man repeated.

'Or what, precious? He will hurts us? Nasty, fat man! He will hurts us, yes! We fights back, gollum,' Gollum said, and then sprang at the man, baring his teeth. The man fired the gun, but missed badly and put a hole through a wall. Gollum landed on his head and started to tear out his hair.

'GOLLUM, NO!' Amanda commanded as Gollum tried to bite off the man's ear. Then the world went dark. 'Bad Gollum!'

'Well, that plan sort of backfired,' Heather sighed, collapsing onto the ground.

'"Sort of"?!' Amanda repeated. 'Gollum was nearly shot, and we've probably put a restaurant out of business.'

'We haves his hair!' Gollum exclaimed, tossing the tufts of the man's hair into the air. It fell like deranged confetti, covering the nearby Fellowship members.

'Good for you, Gollum,' Heather said, and then fell asleep.

…Goes to the Beach!

(suggested by The NCISElf)

'I'm bored,' Pippin sighed.

'Find something to do,' Amanda replied, trying to fall asleep.

'Legolas, can I braid your hair?' Pippin asked the elf.

'Can you even braid hair?' Legolas questioned back.

'No…'

'Then I'll have to decline your offer.'

'How am I supposed to learn if you won't let me try?' Pippin huffed, crossing his arms.

'Why not try it out on Heather?' Gimli suggested.

'Okay!' Pippin cried out cheerfully. He went over to Heather, the latter being in a very deep sleep. He then attempted to braid her hair, but ended up knotting it in fifteen different places. 'I can't exactly see what I'm doing, so I don't know if I'm doing it right.'

'I'm sure it's lovely,' Legolas assured the hobbit.

'Can I try braiding your hair now?'

'No.'

'Figures,' Pippin sighed, falling to the floor. 'Hey, Sam, want to hear a joke?'

'Sure, Pip,' Sam said with a yawn.

'So there's this thing that lurks in the darkness and eats fat hobbits when they sleep,' Pippin began, but then fell silent.

'And…?' asked Sam, slightly disturbed.

'I forget,' Pippin said, also yawning. He then curled up and fell asleep, leaving Sam wide-eyed and awake in the darkness.

'I didn't like that joke,' Sam said after a long time of silence.

Then the world became viciously bright. The group huddled, covering their eyes.

'Why aren't you complaining, Heather?' Amanda asked, peeking out from under her hands; Heather was asleep, her hair in twisted knots. 'Holy crap, Pip, you mangled her hair.'

Pippin woke up to the brightness and groaned. Then he saw Heather's hair and turned pale. 'She's going to kill me.'

'Get up, sleepyhead!' Amanda called to Heather. Heather started and then covered her eyes.

'Augh,' Heather moaned. 'My eyessss!'

'We're on a beach,' Amanda then realised, staring at the sand and at the nearby water. 'Can anyone swim?'

Very few could.

'Well this is a pointless excursion,' Heather said with a grimace. 'I have sand in my mouth already. Blargh.'

A group of people then passed the company by, giving them strange looks. One even went as far as to make a rude comment.

'What's with them? Have they never seen a group of hobbits, humans, an elf, and a dwarf before?' Heather asked unhappily.

'Maybe they just saw your hairstyle,' Legolas said with a smirk. Heather slapped one of her hands onto her head.

'HOLY SHIT, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY HAIR?!' Heather roared, jumping to her feet.

'Erm, well, you see, I sort of…' Pippin began, and then trailed off.

'I'm going to kill you!' Heather screamed as she lunged at the hobbit. Pippin squeaked and bolted, being followed closely by Heather. They ran all over the beach, and Heather, in her rage, ended up squashing some kid's sandcastle and making them cry.

'She's a danger to society sometimes,' Amanda sighed as Heather sprayed sand into someone's picnic basket. Then she jumped. 'Where's Gollum?'

Gollum was snooping around the beach. He wasn't very hungry; if he had been, he would have strangled a seagull by now. He was just looking around for fun. He stole a pinwheel and decided that he liked it very much, precious. But suddenly the wind picked up and blew it from his hand. It made a colourful descent and landed into the water.

'Stupid winds!' Gollum howled. Then, without much thought, he ran after it and into the water.

Gollum wasn't very good at swimming. Even the pool that surrounded his island long ago was dangerous to him, and it was motionless water. This was the ocean that he was foolishly diving into. Once a wave washed over him, he couldn't resurface.

'He's drowning!' someone who had seen Gollum dive in yelled. A nearby lifeguard rushed towards the poor creature and tried to retrieve him. She finally managed to get hold of Gollum; consequently, Gollum's teeth got hold of her arm. She gave a yelp and literally threw Gollum onto shore before wading after him.

'You bit me!' she shrieked at Gollum. He groaned and got up, completely coated in sand. 'You made me bleed!'

'Nasty, fat girl, we hates her, precious, yes, precious, hates!' Gollum declared. 'She makes us loose our pretty spinning wheel of colours, precious! We eats her? No, we is too full, precious. We bites her? We already has, precious! We lets her go? No, precious, she needs to payses! We twists her neck, precious? P'hraps, p'hraps…yes, precious, p'hraps!'

Gollum then stared intently at the lifeguard, a strange light flickering in his eyes.

'You're a creep!' she said, kicking dirt at Gollum. She then stalked away.

'We kills her now? Yes, my precious!' Gollum decided, but just then Amanda ran up to him.

'Gollum, don't run off!' she scolded. 'W-why are you covered in water and sand…and blood?'

'Stupid fat girl tried to drown us, precious! We was nearly drownded, gollum!' Gollum said in mock-innocence.

'Right…' Amanda said, nodding her head slowly. 'Want some ice cream?'

'Ice cream?' Gollum questioned doubtfully.

'You eat it. I know that we're all pretty full, but it will help keep you cool,' Amanda explained. She then led Gollum to an ice cream shack.

The little hut was very brightly coloured, and there was a mural that ran along the back wall of it. In bright colours there was the ocean painted a bright blue. There was a beach that ran along it, full of smiling families with bright red towels. Several sandcastles were painted, and the largest one of them all had a very large pinwheel on top of it.

Gollum was fixated on this as Amanda ordered ice cream, using some of the leftover game show winnings to pay for it. As she led him away, he devised a plan.

'Have you two made up yet?' she asked as she neared Pippin and Heather, as well as the others.

'After he finishes his ice cream I get to bury him in sand as payback,' Heather replied. 'What flavours did you get?'

'I got only ice cream sandwiches,' Amanda said. Heather groaned loudly. 'They're in boxes; they're easy to carry!'

'Ice cream sandwiches are my bane,' Heather stated. 'I don't want one.'

'Picky, aren't we?' Amanda sighed. 'You could just go get yourself another type of ice cream.'

'That's too much work. I'm preserving my energy for burying Pippin alive,' Heather said.

'Am I going to die?' Pippin asked as he was handed his ice cream.

'There's a great likelihood,' Heather said with a shrug.

After Pippin had finished his ice cream, he went off with Heather to find a good bit of flat sand to bury him in. The rest of the hobbits went looking for shells with Boromir, Legolas, Aragorn, and Gimli. Amanda stayed behind to sleep on the sand and tan at the same time. Gollum was curled up as well, but as soon as Amanda was truly asleep, he snuck back to the ice cream area.

He wanted the pinwheel on the back wall, even though it was painted. Something about the bright colours had him fixated, and somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered if he had had one in the past.

While the person in the booth wasn't looking, Gollum snuck into the shack. He clambered onto a counter behind the person and was ready to start biting through the thin wood of the back of the shack in order to get the pinwheel, when suddenly he slipped. He fell straight into a cooler of ice. As he reached upwards to get a handhold so he could pull himself up, the lid abruptly snapped shut above him. He was locked in a cooler.

Meanwhile, the hobbits were having a fun time getting shells. Pippin was buried up to his head in sand and was left out in the open, with the words "Dangerous Hobbit" dug into the sand below his face. At first Merry would run up and show his friend the shells he had found, but eventually he found it too tedious and Pippin was left alone. He tried to get out of the sand, but it was too heavy.

Suddenly Aragorn pointed to the sky. 'There's a storm coming!'

They then realised that nobody else but themselves were on the beach. Lightning flickered above them as huge black clouds roiled and split. It was apparent that a bad storm was brewing.

'Maybe we should hide…?' Frodo suggested. They all ran off to Amanda, leaving behind poor Pippin, still stuck in the sand.

'Amanda, there's a storm coming!' Sam called out. Amanda woke up quickly.

'Where's Heather?' Amanda asked after she had gotten a good look at the sky.

'Here!' Heather said, stumbling forwards. 'I was looking for Gollum. Have you seen him?'

Nobody had.

'We always loose him,' Amanda groaned. 'Legolas, take the hobbits and find a dry place to hide under. The rest of us will try to find Gollum.'

As Legolas led the hobbits away, the group divided and looked about for Gollum along the beach.

Gollum was actually not in a bad place. He had finally found a way out of the cooler, just to find that he had been loaded into the back of a truck. He clambered out of the cold entrapment and found a warm place to hide. Of course, the people looking for him would never find him there, and they eventually gave up when it started to hail.

'Ouch, ouch, ouch!' Amanda squeaked as hail balls the size of golf balls fell onto her head. She hurried under a roof of an outdoor building where Legolas and the hobbits were hiding. She was soon joined by Boromir, Aragorn, Gimli, and Heather.

'Did you find Gollum?' Legolas asked.

'Nope,' Heather responded. The hail came down harder, and it was mixed with harsh rain. 'Wow, this storm came up quick. Imagine being out in it?'

Then a look of horror came onto her face.

'Holy shit!' she squealed. 'Pippin!'

She then rushed out into the hail and was blinded by the rain, in a desperate search for the hobbit. When she finally found him, he was nearly drowned, and was not very pleased. She yanked him from the sandpit and led him back to under the roof.

'I hate you,' Pippin groaned as he collapsed on a dry patch of pavement. 'My head is in so much pain.'

'It's actually bleeding…' Amanda said slowly.

'Pippin, I'm so sorry!' Heather said, a mix of laughter and pain spread across her face. 'That would've been a terrible way to die!'

'I have sand in my ears,' Pippin moaned. 'And in my eyes.'

Lightning danced overhead, and the storm intensified.

'We're still missing Gollum,' Amanda sighed. The wind picked up and sprayed sand everywhere, making the words catch in her mouth.

Then, suddenly, lightning struck a nearby umbrella that was poking up from the sand. Legolas gave a pretty un-manly shriek as thunder boomed loudly. Then the lights went out.

'Seriously, Leggy?' Heather giggled as she laid down on the floor of the dark room.

'I don't like lightning!' Legolas said defensively.

'We is here, precious?' a cold voice sounded out from the darkness.

'Oh, Gollum, glad you're here. Where were you?' Heather asked with a yawn.

'We don'ts know! We fell into a container and the lights went out, yes precious, and it was cold! Cold! But then we opens the door and we were in another container!'

'Story of my life,' Heather said. 'Now let me sleep. And, Pippin, if you even so much as touch my hair, I will rip off your legs and force-feed them to you. Goodnight.'

…Goes to a Library!

(suggested by Gamerforever and Pip the Invader – methinks you both suggested that they work at a library, but I sort of forgot and started to write it like they were going to a library, so I just went with it – sorry xD)

'Legolaaaas?' Pippin called out in the gloom.

'What?' the elf responded in a tired tone.

'Can you teach me to braid haaaaair?'

'Not right now, Pip. I'm trying to sleep.'

'Oh! Sorry!'

There was silence for five minutes.

'Legolaaaas?'

'What?'

'Oh, sorry, I forgot! You can go back to sleep.'

There was silence for ten minutes.

'LEGOLAAAAS!'

'WHAT?'

'Oh good, you're awake,' Pippin giggled. 'Can you teach me to braid hair now that you're all rested?'

Legolas had a groggy vision of shooting Pippin in the face with an arrow so the hobbit would shut up. He grimly smiled to himself, and settled with insulting the hobbit in Elvish. 'Llie n'vanima ar' lle atara lanneina.'

'What?'

'Dolle naa lost; antolle ulua sulrim.'

'I'm pretty sure Legolas is dissing you right now,' Heather said to Pippin with a yawn – she had just woken up.

'I'm confused,' Pippin sighed. Then the world became bright.

'GAAAAAHrgshhhhhnnnnnnaaaaaa,' Heather screeched wisely, covering her face.

'Shhhh!' a harsh voice hushed her.

'Amanda, don't "shhhh" me, I'M IN PAIN!'

'Shhh!'

'What the shit is wrong with -,' Heather began, looking up. Her words caught in her throat when she realised that it wasn't Amanda hushing her, but a lady with intimidating eyes behind very thick glasses. 'Did I say shit? I meant ship. Yeah, what the ship?'

'Shhh!' the lady hissed.

'WHY IS EVERYONE SO QUIET?' Pippin suddenly asked loudly.

'Because…' Heather began, looking around. There were stacks and shelves of books everywhere. 'Because we're in a library. Shh!'

'Oh,' Pippin said shortly.

'Be quiet!' the woman instructed them before walking away, leaving them in a heap on the ground.

'I like books,' Frodo commented after she had left. 'Can I find one to read?'

'Sure – let's all find books. If you don't want to read, find a picture book or something. We all have to be quiet,' Amanda instructed them.

'Why?' Pippin asked sulkily.

'Because that's what you do in a library,' Amanda told him.

Ten minutes later, people were set up with their books. Legolas had one about archery, Boromir had one that he wouldn't let people see the title of (How to Become a King), Gimli had one about medieval times (though he really was only looking at the pictures of the axes and muttering about how his were better crafted), Aragorn had one on how to tie knots, Frodo had an entire stack of books, Pippin had one about the negative effects of sugar and caffeine (given to him by Amanda), Sam had one on potatoes, Merry had one on mushrooms, Heather had To Kill a Mockingbird (before she had departed on this strange transporting adventure, she had been assigned To Kill a Mockingbird in English class to read, and she had decided that she had better get caught up on her reading), Amanda was reading Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (feeling like she was almost in the same boat as Alice herself), and Gollum was looking at picture books (mostly books with pictures of fish). They had found a nice area with plenty of seating, and for a few minutes they were in silence.

It didn't last long.

'That is a fishses,' Gollum muttered to himself, staring at a page in his book. 'We likes this painting, yes, precious, what a lovely picture! We wants it.'

And with that, he tore the page out of his book and stuffed it under his arm.

'Gollum!' Amanda cried out, forgetting to be quiet. Gollum ignored her and ripped out a few more pages, before closing the book with a snap.

'We are done all of our bookses, precious,' Gollum announced. 'We shall go and finds us more!'

With that, he bolted off of his seat and disappeared behind a row of books.

'Gollum,' Amanda said angrily, 'get back here!'

She got up from her chair and swiftly went over to where Gollum had disappeared. She gave a sigh and continued walking.

'This book is boring,' Pippin told Heather. 'It's basically saying that I will die a horribly painful death if I keep on eating sugary food. It's full of lies. Can I find something with more of a plot?'

'Um,' Heather said. 'Okay…? Don't go too far. Maybe I should go with you…'

'Oh, I can go with him!' Sam suggested. 'I know everything in this here book, you see. Not that I'm an expert on potatoes – I just know a bit more than most, you could say.'

'This book is terrible,' Merry groaned. 'I don't want to know how mushrooms grow and in what climates. If I want to find some, I go looking! Can I go with you two?'

'Okay, you guys can go,' Heather relented – she knew that she probably should go with them, but she had a book to read. 'You have two minutes. If you don't get back by then, there will be hell to pay.'

'Okay!' the three hobbits agreed as they hurried off.

'And remember to be quiet!' Heather told them as an afterthought. She then went back to her book.

Suddenly Gimli gave a cry of utter delight. He raised his book in the air and started to laugh.

'What is it, Gimli?' Heather asked in a hushed tone.

'This book is marvelous! It has just stated that axes are far better weapons than bows and arrows,' Gimli explained, displaying a page proudly to Legolas. The elf read the sentence that Gimli had mentioned and snorted.

'This book,' Legolas said, holding up his archery book, 'says that a bow is a difficult weapon, yet is the best.'

'It's a difficult weapon, yes; difficult to do damage with, it means!' Gimli declared.

'Say we're standing on a tower; both of us are trying to kill an orc below us. Say you toss your weapon down and you miss the orc -,'

'Unlikely,' said Gimli.

'Say you miss the orc,' Legolas continued, 'you would have no more weapons left to drop. But if I fire an arrow down at the orc and miss (which is extremely unlikely and would never happen), I still have a quiver full of arrows left to use.'

'That's why you always carry a few axes,' Gimli said.

'What if you only had one?'

'What if you only had one arrow?'

'I could toss the bow down and try to knock out the orc.'

'I could just toss you down and try to knock out the orc,' Gimli said. Heather suddenly had the mental image of Legolas being thrown from a tower and going splat on an orc below. She stuck out her tongue.

'Guys, can you quiet down? I'm trying to read,' she grumbled.

'You decide; what's better, an axe or a bow?' Legolas suddenly asked her.

'Sword,' Heather decided grumpily. Nearby, Aragorn and Boromir nodded in agreement. 'Now shut up.'

Suddenly Merry ran up, out of breath and very distressed-looking.

'Pippin's stuck on a bookshelf!'

'On?' Heather repeated dimly.

'Yes!'

'Why is he on a bookshelf?'

'Hurry, he's about to do something stupid!'

'Somehow I don't doubt you,' Heather sighed. She put down her book and turned to Gimli and Legolas. 'No fighting. No being loud. Read your books and don't move. Frodo, Aragorn and Boromir – keep an eye on them.'

She then ran off to go save Pippin. When she arrived, Pippin was laughing on top of a very tall bookcase. He was getting ready to jump onto a nearby light fixture.

'Pippin, what are you doing?!' Heather screamed.

'I found a book that I really, really, really wanted to read,' Pippin said, 'so I took it. But I was throwing it around and it landed on this hanging-ceiling-thing. I want to read the book!'

'What book is it?' Heather asked, feeling a bit curious.

'Knitting With Dog Hair!'

Heather didn't rightly know how to respond to this.

Suddenly, the librarian reappeared. 'Stop yelling!'

She then noticed Pippin on top of the bookshelf.

'Good grief!' she squawked. 'Get down!'

'But I want to know how to knit with dog hair!' Pippin responded defiantly. 'And the answer is on this lamp-thing!'

'What?' the librarian asked. 'I…I don't understand!'

'Get used to it,' Heather mumbled.

Meanwhile, Amanda was still looking for Gollum. She could hear his hissing and muttering and the occasional tearing of papers. Eventually she caught sight of him – he was chewing on a book. Plenty of papers were stuffed under one of his arms, and he looked content.

'Gollum!' Amanda said. 'You shouldn't be eating that book!'

'We're not eating it,' Gollum explained, 'we're chewing it. Stupid girl!'

'Gollum, you'll wreck it!'

'We don't care, precious, do we? No, precious, we don'ts!'

With that he ran away, pursued quickly by Amanda. Yet Gollum was tricky, and he climbed onto a bookshelf. It was wobbly, though, and before he knew what was happening, it tipped over. It hit another bookshelf, which in turn fell onto another; it was a domino effect. Books flew everywhere, and Gollum was buried underneath a pile of them. He screeched loudly.

Back at the lounge area, Frodo had finished a book and was about to start on another. Then he started stared at one of the books.

'The Fellowship of the Ring?' he said. 'That's us!'

In awe, he showed the book to the others.

'And there's The Two Towers; it looks like this one. And The Return of the King. They're all by the same author.'

'Read one!' the others suggested. Frodo picked one at random (The Two Towers) and started to read out loud, yet then he fell silent. He skimmed through the text and then looked up, horrified.

'Boromir!' he squeaked. 'You…you die in this book!'

'What?' Boromir asked. 'I…I die?!'

'Yes!' Frodo said, looking very alarmed. 'And…and Aragorn is there too! He doesn't die, though. But…Boromir!'

'Maybe Boromir and Aragorn are common names in this world…?' Aragorn proposed.

'And…and Aragorn becomes king, apparently,' Gimli said, reading The Return of the King.

'What?' Boromir asked, much more startled than when he was pronounced dead.

'Tom Bombadil?' Legolas said, looking at The Fellowship of the Ring.

'I know him!' Frodo exclaimed. 'He's in that book?'

'The Ring is destroyed!' Gimli announced from his book. 'And…and Legolas and I become great friends, apparently.'

'Great friends? That's extremely unlikely,' Legolas commented.

'The Ring is destroyed, Aragorn becomes king, and I die?' Boromir repeated faintly.

'Yep. And, Frodo, apparently you leave Middle-earth,' Gimli told the hobbit.

'I leave Middle-earth? On purpose?' Frodo asked. Gimli shook his head "yes". 'I would never!'

'I do not like these books,' Boromir decided.

Meanwhile, Pippin had clambered onto the light fixture. He was now swinging dangerously above the ground.

'Get down!' the librarian commanded.

'I have my book now!' Pippin shouted triumphantly.

'Get down!'

'Now all I need is some dog hair and knitting needles…'

'Pippin, you can't even knit!' Merry reminded him.

'Irrelevant!'

'Pippin, if you fall you could die!' Merry bellowed.

'Fine, I'll get down. Somebody catch my book!' Pippin said. He dropped the book, and Merry caught it by a page. There was a tearing noise, and the librarian cringed. Pippin then climbed onto the bookshelf again.

Yet suddenly there was a sound, as if large dominoes were falling. Then Amanda's shrill voice could be heard; 'EVERYONE, WATCH OUT!'

The group had just enough time to run out of the way of the bookshelves. A shelf hit the bookshelf that Pippin was on, and it shuddered. Pippin giggled on top of it as it crashed into the next one. Books flew everywhere as the next bookshelf came crashing down. Amanda appeared panting next to them, followed slowly by Gollum (he had finally managed to get himself out of his entrapment, but he had lost the pages that he had gathered and was a bit gloomy.)

'What did you do?' Heather asked lightly as another bookshelf came crashing down, spraying books everywhere.

'Gollum did this,' Amanda groaned. Nearby, the librarian sat down to prevent herself from fainting.

'I'm down now!' Pippin declared. He stepped off of his place on the shelf and walked across the books and torn papers that littered the ground. 'We can go now.'

And that's what they did. Leaving the librarian, they went back to the lounge area. They discovered some very shocked people.

'Boromir dies!'

'Aragorn becomes king!'

'The Ring…it gets destroyed!'

'Frodo leaves Middle-earth!'

'Sam gets married!'

'You were right – Gandalf didn't die!'

'Ents are actually real!'

'What?' Amanda and Heather asked at the same time.

'These books are about us!' Frodo said. He held up the Lord of the Rings series.

'Those books are…' Amanda said, trailing off.

'…are fake! They were written by a…squirrel. Um. Don't listen to them. Boromir doesn't die. Don't worry,' Heather said quickly. 'Leave them. They're…they're garbage…'

Heather felt extremely bad saying that they were "garbage", but she had to say something.

'By a squirrel?' Frodo repeated skeptically.

'Yes. Leave them,' Heather said again. Frodo reluctantly dropped the books, and the world became dark.

'I wish I had a light. I want to know how to knit dog hair!' Pippin sighed at length.

'Do you still have the book?' Amanda asked.

'Yep.'

'Frodo, do you have the…garbage books?'

'No,' Frodo sighed unhappily.

'Good!' Amanda and Heather both exclaimed. Heather then collapsed onto the ground, feeling like she and Amanda had just barely dodged a bullet.

…Goes to a Concert!

(suggested by Kayla Swift and lokisdaughter)

'Legolaaaaaaaaas!'

'What is it, Pippin?!'

'If I knitted you a dog hair sweater, would you wear it?'

Legolas made a defeated noise in the back of his throat.

'No, I wouldn't wear it. It would be bad for my reputation.'

'Legolas, seriously? If you ever get back to Middle-earth, you'll have no reputations. Look at your hair, for example,' Heather cut in, 'you're hideous.'

Legolas had an insult in mind, but suddenly he stopped and thought for a minute. If you ever get back to Middle-earth caught him off-guard. He wondered about what would occur if The Fellowship ever got back on their actual quest. 'Did it say what happened to me in those books that you had, Frodo?'

'Those books were garbage!' Amanda said quickly. 'Don't think of them again.'

'We forbid you,' Heather added. 'If you talk about them, you have to kiss Gollum.'

Several people across the room gagged.

'We is offended!' Gollum screeched.

'Nobody cares, mutant-hobbit-without-grammar,' Heather sighed. Then the world became bright-ish. 'AAAaaa…this isn't bad.'

'Good to know, Heather,' Amanda said. 'Where are we?'

Suddenly, there was a hushing noise.

'Be quiet!' a person dressed all in black hissed, walking up to the seated Fellowship. 'Your voices can be picked up by the microphones!'

'First a library, now -,' Heather began to complain, '-, now backstage…somewhere, it seems. I don't like being quiet.'

Amanda cautiously got up and peered out from behind a curtain. She quickly drew her head back in. 'Guess who's on stage?'

'The Beatles?' Heather asked hopefully.

'Aren't some of the members dead?' Amanda questioned back.

'Maybe the black-box-thing can go back in time. Anyways, who's on stage?' Heather asked.

'Taylor Swift!' Amanda squealed. Heather groaned.

'Are you kidding me? She's annoying,' Heather moaned.

'She is not! She's one of my favourite singers,' Amanda protested.

'I'M SPEAKING LOUDLY!' Heather suddenly yelled. The person who had told them off reappeared. 'Great, now that you're back, can you go get me some earplugs?'

'Heather!'

'Be quiet! You're lucky to be backstage,' the person spoke angrily to them before walking away again, shaking their head.

'Why can't we be at a good concert?' Heather whined.

'Because your definition of a "good concert" is terrible!' Amanda huffed.

'Did you just say that The Beatles are terrible?' Heather asked slowly in an angered tone.

'Their songs make no sense,' Amanda said.

'MAKE NO SENSE?!' Heather roared. 'MAKE NO SENSE?! HAVE YOU LISTENED TO ANY OF TAYLOR SWIFT'S SONGS RECENTLY?!'

'Shut up!' the person returned, this time holding a broom. They looked about ready to hit Heather with it.

'You! You!' Heather exclaimed quickly. 'You decide which is better; Taylor Swift or The Beatles?'

'Taylor Swift; I don't like bugs,' the person said. 'Now shut up.'

They walked away. Heather fell very silent. Eventually she let her breath out and slowly started to rock, muttering things to herself quietly.

Eventually the music on stage stopped and there was much cheering. The barely audible words of "Have a good night!" could be heard, and from behind the curtain appeared a line of people dressed in strange costume, followed by Taylor Swift.

'Hey guys!' Taylor said cheerfully after the dancers had left.

'Hey bane-of-my-existence!' Heather replied in fake-joyfulness. Amanda kicked her.

'I'm a huge fan!' Amanda said as Heather made faces at the singer.

'Isn't it exciting that you won the contest?' Taylor asked.

'No,' Heather replied shortly.

'What contest?' Amanda asked quickly.

'Well, you're the contest winners, right? That's why you're backstage…right?' Taylor asked.

'No, we're here because the freakin' black box either has shit-taste in music or likes to torture me,' Heather snapped. Then she said in a mocking tone: 'You understand, right?'

'IGNORE HER; she's…she's…she's…' Amanda stuttered at a loss for words.

'…amazing and has good taste in music,' Heather finished for her friend.

'Right…' Taylor said, her smile fading. 'Erm…you want to go onstage, right? To see the set and things before we go?'

'Do we have to?' Heather whined. Amanda elbowed her as they all got up.

'You're embarrassing me!' she hissed.

'Oh, I'm embarrassing you?' Heather whispered. She then raised her voice. 'Hey, Taylor, my friend here, named Amanda, has a shrine of you in her closet!'

'What? NO!'

'Yeah, she purchased a Kleenex off of eBay that was said to be used by you.'

'Heather, you're a -,'

'Then she printed pictures of you off of the internet and surrounded the Kleenex with them in a shoebox. And every night she opens the closet door and stares wistfully at your plentiful faces, muttering to herself -,'

'HEATHER!'

'-, muttering "I wish that I just…just had one strand of those flowing locks! If only I could -,"'

Amanda slapped her hand over Heather's mouth. 'SHE'S CRAZY! SHE'S INSANE! SHE LIKES MUSIC SUNG BY DEAD PEOPLE! DON'T LISTEN TO HER!'

'Such…such an imagination…?' Taylor said slowly. 'Right. Here's the stage. There are still some fans out!'

She pointed to the seats in front of the stage. Some happy fans waved at Taylor. One screamed something about being Taylor's "number one fan".

'YOU'RE NOT AS MUCH OF A FAN AS AMANDA IS!' Heather yelled, tugging herself from Amanda's grasp. The hand slipped back over her mouth. Heather giggled evilly to herself.

'Right. So, d'you like the set?' Taylor asked.

'What's a set?' Pippin asked.

'Like, a chess set?' Merry guessed.

'I can play chess!'

'Pippin, the last time you played chess you ended up getting drunk and eating my king…'

'I won the game, didn't I?'

'Alright! Let's go to the VIP room!' Taylor said quickly. 'Then we can talk…more.'

She didn't seem too excited by this.

Amanda lifted her hand slowly off of Heather's face. 'Why are you being so…so…?'

'You insulted The Beatles,' Heather said, understanding. 'You must pay.'

She then joined the rest of The Fellowship as they followed Taylor. Amanda prayed that she wouldn't do anything else that was stupid.

Alas for Amanda.

'Hey, Aragorn,' Heather said to Aragorn as they walked along. 'Taylor Swift is dangerous. She'll kill Frodo and take the Ring when you're not looking.'

'What?' Aragorn asked. 'She seems so…fragile. She wouldn't steal the Ring!'

'There's only one way to tell. Threaten her, and see if she turns evil,' Heather suggested.

'Are you just telling me this because you're angry at Amanda?'

'What? No! No, of course not!' Heather assured him. 'I'm just…trying to make sure that the Ring is safe. Nothing has really happened to it since it came to this world, and I'd like to keep it that way.'

'Alright…' Aragorn said slowly. 'I'll say a few intimidating words, at least. But I won't threaten her with weapons.'

'Good man,' Heather said, clapping him on the back. 'You'll make a fine king one day.'

Nearby, Boromir frowned deeply at this comment.

When they got to the VIP room, they were let inside. There were plenty of brightly coloured couches and chairs, and soon The Fellowship members were seated comfortably, all except for Aragorn. He approached Taylor.

'Are…are you evil?' Aragorn asked her, at a loss for words. He really didn't have a clue on how to tell if she wanted the Ring or not without outright asking, and he didn't think that would be smart.

'…what?' Taylor said slowly.

'Don't deny it!' Heather called from her place on a chair. She then whispered to Legolas, 'She wants the Ring. Even Aragorn can tell. You should probably help him.'

So Legolas slowly walked up to Aragorn, who was continuously asking Taylor questions:

'Are you evil?'

'No, I…I don't think so, no…'

'Are you affiliated with Sauron?'

'What?'

'Have you had any conversations with people within Mordor?'

'I…I don't know where that is…this is getting creepy…'

Suddenly she pulled out a spray bottle and held it up. 'Get away, please. I'm warning you.'

'Aragorn, that's -,' Legolas said in a frightened tone.

'Not now, Legolas; obviously she's hiding something,' Aragorn said.

'Stop being weird, Aragorn!' Amanda pleaded. 'She's nice! Just sit back down, please.'

'No,' Aragorn said shortly. Beside him, Legolas ducked. Aragorn suddenly got a face full of pepper spray. 'AARFGH!'

'You just pepper sprayed Aragorn, son of Arathorn!' Legolas squawked as Aragorn rolled around on the ground in pain.

'You're all…weird!' Taylor said before stomping away. 'I'm getting security! This is the last time I hold a contest online!'

'Aragorn!' Amanda howled. 'You're a…a…no words describe how awful you are! Damn you! She's my favourite singer! You've embarrassed me!'

'That's what you get for insulting The Beatles,' Heather said. 'Deal with it.'

Then the world became dark.

'I did try to warn you, Aragorn,' Legolas said as Aragorn groaned loudly. Everyone settled onto the dark floor. 'It will stop burning eventually…'

'SHE WAS EVIL!' Aragorn shouted. 'HEATHER WAS RIGHT!'

'Aren't I always?' Heather asked proudly.

'No,' Pippin said. 'Oh…I can't find my book!'

'I will have my revenge, Heather,' Amanda assured her friend. 'If we get transported to a Beatles concert or something I will tell them that you have a shrine of them in your closet and you have their used tissues and you want their freakin' hair.'

'Right,' Heather said, 'I'm shaking in my boots.'

'I still can't believe you did that. Look what you caused! Aragorn is practically blind and Taylor's scarred…and I didn't get to even hold a conversation with my favourite singer.'

'Hey, I didn't kill her,' Heather said defensively.

'One day…one day I shall!' Aragorn yelled in the dark.

'Aragorn, she's actually nice. You are just…intimidating,' Amanda explained. 'She doesn't want the Ring or to kill us or anything that Heather told you.'

Aragorn didn't believe her.

…Gets Transported to a Room Full of Fangirls!

(suggested by The NCISElf and Fireworks)

…Meets a Mary Sue Who is in Love with Pippin!

(suggested by The NCISElf)

'I'm still pissed off at all of you,' Amanda said suddenly. It had been an hour or two since the Taylor Swift incident.

'What did I do?' Frodo asked.

'Scratch that; not all of you. Mainly Heather, Aragorn, and slightly at Legolas for not stopping Aragorn.'

'My eyes still hurt,' Aragorn complained.

'Now you know how I have felt,' Legolas replied coolly.

Heather didn't reply to Amanda's comment; she just smiled wickedly from her corner in the room and began to sing Hey Jude.

Then suddenly the world became vividly bright

Hey Jude was cut off with a howl as Heather tugged her shirt over her face. Aragorn shouted in pain as well, his eyes being more sensitive than usual because of the pepper spray. You couldn't hear the complaints, however, because at the same moment screams erupted across the new room. Heather eventually peaked out from behind her fabric. Surrounding the group were what appeared to be around one hundred teenage girls, held back by stanchions. Many of them were holding up signs with things like "TEAM BOROMIR" or "LEGOLAS FOREVER" on them.

'No,' Heather moaned, ducking her head back into her shirt. 'Fangirls annoy me.'

Beside her, Legolas asked, 'What's a fangirl?'

Heather looked up at the elf. Suddenly the thought of how many fangirls there were who obsessed over Legolas/Orlando Bloom. She burst into sadistic laughter and pulled her shirt back over her head.

'That's comforting,' Legolas muttered to himself. He looked over at the screaming girls, and a wave of declarations of love exploded. Then one girl pushed over a stanchion and broke into the circle. One second later and The Fellowship were swarmed with females.

Every member of The Fellowship had a fangirl; even Gimli had one or two. Heather and Amanda slowly made their ways out of the swarm and into the open. There they discovered that they were in a bright white room with huge bright lights and no doors.

'Well, this isn't good,' Amanda breathed out. 'Before I got out, I saw someone literally trying to bite off a chunk of Aragorn's shirt.'

'There goes a bit of Legolas' hair,' Heather commented as a chunk of the blonde hair flew through the air. Screams arose, and one "lucky" fangirl snatched up her prize. 'Wait…ye gods and little fishes, does Gollum have a fangirl?'

'I think I saw one…' Amanda mumbled. 'Oh, poor Pippin, look!'

Pippin had broken out of the group of fangirls and was currently getting chased by a fangirl with bright blue hair.

'I…I only like hobbit-women!' Pippin shouted. 'S-sorry!'

'I want to have your children, Peregrin Took!' the girl screamed.

'What the shit?' questioned Heather. She then yelled very loudly, 'Your hair colour is ugly!'

'Heather!' Amanda said in a scolding tone. 'You're in a mean spirit today.'

'She was being creepy…and besides, I don't like fangirls,' Heather stated.

'Says the girl whose walls are covered in posters -,'

'That's different.'

'-, and who has Star Trek figurines covering her desk, dresser, and parts of her floor -,'

'Completely unrelated.'

'-, and for her tenth birthday she got her ceiling to have the TARDIS painted on it -,'

'I get your point,' Heathe huffed. 'But I don't go ripping out people's hair, eating their clothes, and wanting to have their children. And, hey, at least I don't have a Kleenex shrine in my closet.'

'I DON'T HAVE A KLEENEX SHRINE IN MY CLOSET!' Amanda shouted. A few nearby fangirls stared at her.

'I do!' one said before going back to her attempt to make out with Boromir.

'Good for you,' Heather commented in a grim tone before curling up on the sterile ground and trying to get some sleep over the screams.

Meanwhile, The Fellowship was still completely engulfed in fangirls.

Legolas' fangirls hadn't minded very much about his bangs and lack of hair on one side. In fact, they had ripped most of the rest of his hair, and he only had one small patch left. He couldn't really complain about his situation, however, since right next to him laid Aragorn, completely covered in shrieking fangirls. One even had hold of his sword and was trying to stuff it down her shirt so she could keep it as a memento. Borormir was having the same difficulty with his shield, and was currently playing an unwanted game of tug of war with a fangirl. As he tried to get back his shield, there were many fangirls trying to get him to pay attention to him. He looked about ready to murder them all.

Gimli, out of the entire Fellowship, was the best off. He had two fangirls who weren't as eager as the rest, so he spent his time just telling them old war stories and songs. It had been awhile since people had found his stories interesting, so he kept on talking as the girls nodded their heads vigorously.

Gollum had knocked out his fangirl by "accident", and somehow had once again found himself on the ceiling.

'I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU!' Pippin screamed over his shoulder at the fangirl that was still chasing him.

'PIPPY-BOO!' she shrieked back. 'I LOOOVE YOUUU!'

'ARAGORN, SAVE ME!' Pippin shouted, diving into the pool of fangirls that surrounded the poor man.

'C-can't!' Aragorn's muffled voice could be heard underneath a mound of fangirls.

'BOROMIR!' Pippin yelled.

'They have my shield!' Boromir exclaimed.

'LEGOLAS!'

Legolas didn't answer; he had somehow been knocked out. He was surrounded by a swarm of concerned fangirls who were all bickering over what to do.

'Oh, look, Leggy-kins is unconscious,' Heather said from her place away from the fangirls.

'And Gollum is on the ceiling once again,' Amanda added.

Suddenly, one of the fangirls surrounding the elf clapped her hands as if she had an idea. She then screamed very loudly, 'CPR!'

'Oh shit,' Heather said as the fangirls all agreed to this idea and then started to fight over who got to perform the "medical" procedure.

'Maybe we should do something…?' Amanda suggested.

'Yeah, I'll be back,' Heather sighed discontentedly and got up. She stepped over a stanchion and into the circle of fangirls. They were so engrossed in pulling each other's hair and shouting things that she was able to casually drag the elf away by his foot.

'Psst!' Legolas suddenly said as Heather dragged him under a stanchion.

'Holy shit!' Heather cried out, jumping a bit. She knocked over the stanchion and the metal pole hit Legolas in the face. Legolas, being used to this sort of abuse from Heather, didn't react much. Heather kept on dragging him.

'I'm only pretending to be unconscious,' Legolas explained. 'I knew that it would help me get away.'

'Your hair is really ugly,' Heather said. Legolas touched his bare head and whimpered.

'Father will disown me,' he groaned as Heather finally arrived next to Amanda. She let the elf's leg smack down onto the ground before she sat down.

'Um, Pippin might need help too,' Amanda said slowly as she watched Pippin get tackled by his blue-haired fangirl.

'You go help him,' Heather snapped. 'I've already saved elf-boy.'

'Alright,' Amanda said with a nod. She got up and walked towards the big circle of fangirls. Stepping over the various fans, she made her way to Pippin. Not really knowing what to do, she tapped his fangirl on the shoulder. The fangirl looked up, holding a struggling Pippin in her arms.

'Um,' Amanda said at a loss for words. She decided to go the Heather route and confuse the girl. 'That hobbit is…defected.'

'What?' the blue-haired fangirl asked.

'He has rabies. And sometimes he gets sick and vomits up scarves,' Amanda added. 'He also doesn't like the colour blue, so your hair is going to make him angry. When he gets angry, he vomits up yellow scarves and sometimes mittens. And he also turns green. Like the Hulk. Only smaller. And more vomiting-up-knitted-stuff-y.'

The fangirl stared.

'And…and…' Amanda stuttered, 'and…and he only eats fruit salad prepared in Peru, so if you marry him it will be hard to feed him. And he doesn't like to wear clothes in public. It's a pain.'

'What?' the blue-haired fangirl repeated faintly. However, before Amanda could let out another string of lies, Gollum landed on the fangirl and knocked her out.

'I've never been happier to have a mutant hobbit fall on the person I was talking to,' Amanda said, letting out a breath of air.

'I vomit up scarves?' Pippin asked, struggling out from under the fangirl. 'I didn't know that. Also, what just happened?'

'You have just experienced your first ever fangirl…and she looks like a Sue,' Amanda commented, staring at the bright blue hair, the extremely large eyes, and so on.

'A Sue?' Pippin repeated. 'I never want to meet one again.'

The blue-haired fangirl stirred a bit.

'We should probably go,' Amanda said. 'Like, right now.'

'There are other girls looking for me too, though,' Pippin said in a shaky voice. 'I need a disguise.'

'Stupid fat girl, we hates her! She hurts us when we lands on her head, yes, precious!' Gollum wailed at the girl. He tugged at her hair and suddenly it popped off; she had been wearing a wig.

'I think Gollum has found you a disguise…' Amanda said in an attempt to be cheerful. Before Pippin could say anything, she grabbed the blue wig and slapped it over his head. 'Okay. I can't recognise you. Let's go.'

'I can't see anything,' Pippin whined as Amanda dragged him towards Heather. The latter was trying to improve Legolas' mood by saying that he would look just fine with a hat on.

'What the hell?' Heather commented as Pippin stumbled over her outstretched legs. 'Pippin…what are you wearing?'

'A wig,' Pippin said sourly. 'It smells weird.'

'Give it to Legolas after you're done with it. He's ever so slightly bald right now,' Heather suggested. Pippin peeled some blue hair away from his eyes to look at the elf. He collapsed onto the ground in a fit of giggles.

'I. Hate. Everyone.' Legolas groaned. Suddenly, one of his fangirls behind the stanchions caught a glimpse of his new resting place. She gave a scream and started to race towards him. 'Oh no. No, no, no!'

The elf jumped up and ran off in a random direction, now followed by many fangirls. Pippin pulled his wig back over his face and curled up.

'If anyone asks, Pip is a Smurf,' Heather decided. Far across the room, Legolas could be heard shouting Elvish swears as the top of his lungs. 'I think Leggy-boo has been caught again.'

'Maybe we should go save more people…?' Amanda suggested.

'Nah, soon they'll all figure out that they're stronger than all of their fangirls and that they can easily run away,' Heather said. At that moment, Boromir was hoisted up into the air as if he was crowd surfing. The fangirls that were carrying him slowly started to march away with their prize.

'I think Boromir may be in need of some assistance,' Amanda said slowly.

'Pff, he's a Gondorian, he can manage,' Heather said with a shrug.

'He's bound and gagged,' Amanda realised.

'Oh,' Heather said. There was a moment of silence. 'Fiiine. I'll go save Mr. Boromir, seeing as he can't save himself. I was just getting comfortable, actually.'

Heather got up and turned to look at Amanda. 'Your turn is next.'

She then stomped away to go save Boromir.

'Yo, bitches!' Heather shouted at the fangirls. Many turned around. 'Good to know that you respond to your names. Anywhoo, please let down Boromir. I don't know what you're planning on doing with him, and to be frank I don't want to know what you have planned. Just let him down. If you don't, I will set Gollum on you all.'

'I'm not a bitch,' one finally said.

'Good response time,' Heather said sarcastically. 'Since none of you are letting Boromir down, you leave me with no choice.'

Heather then turned around. She couldn't see Gollum anywhere.

'Erm, Gollum? Kind of need you now, mutant-hobbit-thing,' Heather called.

'Fail!' a fangirl squealed. Heather turned onto her.

'Be more specific. What was a fail? The fact that I called out? Actually, me being able to speak as easily as I can took years of practice and growth, so I'm assuming that that wasn't a fail. Calling Gollum a mutant-hobbit-thing isn't a fail either, because he used to be a hobbit-like creature, yet he has been deformed by time and the Ring. If you have read the Lord of the Rings books (which I doubt you have), you would have known much about this subject. Needing Gollum isn't a fail because he is a killing-machine, and could snap all of your necks in seconds if he wished. Gollum isn't a fail, he's just a freak. No, I'm not failing here. What really is the fail here is that you're carrying away an innocent man because he was played by Sean Bean in the LOTR movies and you have all decided to be Boromir-fangirls. I'm not saying Sean Bean isn't epic enough to fangirl over, but you've got the wrong guy; this is Boromir, the real Boromir, the guy who can and will cut off your heads if you push him too much. If you were to swarm around Sean Bean, he'd give you some autographs and security would probably tell you off. The fail here is that you are in serious danger because this guy that you are idolising is actually unsafe. It's like looking at pictures of cute bears and then seeing a bear in real life and going up to hug it; it's a fail. So, really, I'm not failing; you are,' Heather rambled proudly. She wasn't quite sure how sound her argument was, but she was buying time. At the beginning of her speech, she had seen Gollum slowly getting onto the ceiling again. He was now positioned right over the cluster of fangirls.

'I like cute bears!' one fangirl said.

'Good for you,' Heather snapped. Then Gollum fell right next to the group of fangirls. They screamed and was dropped Boromir to the ground. The shouting fangirls were chased off by Gollum.

Meanwhile, Amanda and Pippin had been joined by Aragorn. He had knocked out all of his fangirls and looked about ready to kill someone.

'Do you want to go help some of the others?' Amanda asked as she watched Legolas slowly try to crawl away from his fangirls (it was no use; they were attaching themselves to his legs).

'No,' Aragorn said shortly.

A few minutes later, Heather reappeared, followed by a mentally-scarred-for-life Boromir and Gollum. Boromir's gags had successfully been taken off.

'That took a while,' Amanda said as Heather sat down. 'Boromir, you have lipstick all over your chin…and ears…and arms…'

'Hrkwmf,' Boromir said intelligently, falling onto the ground and not moving.

'I. Hate. Fangirls.' Heather sighed, leaning against a wall.

'But they is tasty!' Gollum said cheerfully.

'What?' Amanda asked.

'Don't ask,' Heather said grimly. 'How about you go save some people and leave us alone?'

'Fine, Ms. Grumpy-pants,' Amanda said. She got up and walked back to the group of fangirls. She noticed Sam about to get torn apart by two fangirls that were fighting over him. Unsure of what to do, she picked a shoe off of a random unconscious fangirl and through it at one of Sam's attackers. They slumped to the floor. The other one tugged at Sam again, unaware that her opponent wasn't pulling anymore, and fell down, dragging Sam down too.

'Amanda, save me!' Sam wailed as the fangirl tried to pull him away. Amanda picked up another shoe and tossed it. By accident, she knocked out Sam.

'Crap,' Amanda groaned as the fangirl picked up the poor hobbit and started to walk away. Desperately, she cried out, 'Gollum!'

In a flash Gollum was at the heels of the fangirl, biting at her shoes. The girl shrieked and dropped Sam, and the latter was slowly carried away by Amanda.

'Gollum! No biting!' Amanda shouted as she tugged Sam back to Heather. Gollum cursed, ran up the fangirl's body, and knocked her out instead.

'But they tastes good!' Gollum cried out, scampering back to Amanda.

'I don't want to know how you know that,' Amanda decided, depositing Sam next to Aragorn. 'I think Gollum and I make a good team. We can probably manage just by ourselves to get the others back.'

Since no one protested against this idea, Amanda and Gollum retrieved all of The Fellowship members except for Gimli (he didn't need saving) and Legolas (his fangirls had surrounded him like a wall, and Amanda knew that she would need more people to get him.)

'Alright. It's time for battle,' Amanda said as Merry was laid next to Pippin. Far across the room, Legolas could be heard yelling. 'Heather, Boromir, and Aragorn, you all look healthy enough to fight. Let's go save our elf!'

'Do we have to?' Heather whined. 'He sounds like he's enjoying himself.'

Just then, Legolas could be heard screaming, 'THEY'RE LICKING MY EARS! THIS IS DISGUSTING!'

'Heather, they're licking his ears,' Amanda said. 'We need to save him.'

'Fine,' Heather sighed, getting up. They all headed towards the surrounded Legolas, collecting weapons (a.k.a. shoes) along the way. Gollum climbed above them.

'Go away!' the fangirls screamed as they drew near. Legolas' muffled cries could be heard.

'Fire!' Amanda said dramatically. Next to her, Heather burst into laughter over how cheesy her friend sounded and threw limply. All of her shoes hit the floor.

'I'm out of shoes. Oh, I guess we're trying to sound schmancy. I'm out of ammo. Ta-da,' Heather said sarcastically.

'Heather,' Amanda said seriously, 'this is war.'

'Then why don't we just have Gollum drop down so we can get this over with?' Heather questioned. On cue, Gollum fell from the ceiling. Sadly, he missed his mark, and fell flat on his face next to the fangirls.

'Cleanup on aisle two!' Heather called out as Gollum twitched slightly.

'Charge!' the fangirls suddenly all shouted in unison. They rushed towards the group, suddenly equipped with knives.

'What the shit?!' Heather screeched. She yanked Boromir's shield out of his arms and tried to hide under it.

'Give it back, give it back, give it baaaack!' Boromir shouted as the fangirls started to chase him. The world suddenly went dark.

'Holy. Shit.' Heather breathed out. 'Boromir, your shield is too small.'

'Maybe you're just fat,' Boromir said irritably.

'I resent that remark,' Heather said unhappily. 'And because of it, I'm going to give your shield to Gollum.'

'Gollum is unconscious,' Boromir pointed out.

'No we is not,' Gollum croaked right next to Boromir. There was a sudden thumping noise.

'Now he is,' Boromir said innocently.

'Whatever. You can have your freakin' shield back,' Heather said, tossing it towards Boromir. At that moment, Legolas sat up from his place on the ground. The shield clipped him in the chin. 'Holy shit, Legolas, are you always trying to get hurt?!'

The elf groaned, muttered something about "better than having my ears licked", and laid back down.

…Goes to a Comic-Con!

(suggested by Ninja Elf girl)

(note: I have never been to a Comic-Con, and therefore this may be unlike what they are actually like xD)

'I reaaaally don't like fangirls,' Boromir decided randomly. 'Reaaaally don't.'

'They tastes good!' a (conscious) Gollum chimed in.

'Stop saying thaaat,' Amanda complained. 'You're making me feel gross.'

'I feel…' Legolas began, 'dirty.'

Heather burst into a fit of laughter.

'No, seriously! They were terrible,' Legolas said in a grim tone. 'They kept on telling me bits about their…fanfictions? They apparently write stories about me and…and…'

'And?' Heather asked.

'G-Gimli,' Legolas said, and, judging by his tone of voice, it was pretty clear that they weren't stories about friendship. 'Some were with Aragorn, too. And some with…never mind.'

'Well, that's scarring,' Heather said astutely.

'My fangirls were nice,' Gimli said proudly.

'Well aren't you just a special-snowflake,' Heather said sardonically. 'Remind me later to give you a gold star.'

'My fangirls just wanted to look at my eyes…' Frodo said slowly. 'It was creepy. They just pried back my eyelids and stared at me.'

'One said poetry to me!' Sam said, trying to be cheerful. 'She said "Roses are red, bugs can be ants, I think you're cute, let me into your pants!" I didn't think people liked my clothing choices, but there you have it.'

'Erm, Sam, that's not what she meant…' Amanda said slowly.

'She wants to have se-,' Heather began.

'LET'S NOT ELABORATE!' Amanda said quickly. 'H-how about we talk about something else?'

'Legolas, were they actually licking your ears?' Heather asked.

'And whispering things. Terrible things,' Legolas said in a scarred tone.

Suddenly the world became bright.

'Dramatic moment ruined!' Heather said, covering her face up.

'What are you doing on the floor?' somebody asked.

'Looking for my tonsils. They have appeared to have fallen out,' Heather explained.

'Don't be sarcastic with Darth Vader.'

'What?' Heather asked, peering up. Standing over them all was none other than Darth Vader. 'What the shit?'

'IT IS SAURON!' Pippin decided, rolling into a ball.

'Wrong fandom, bro. Anyways, you're in the way of the Lego displays. Mind letting me past?' Darth Vader asked pleasantly.

'Where are we?' Amanda asked. Darth Vader looked down at her.

'Um…you're at a Comic-Con…' he said slowly. Heather started to cheer.

'I CAN ACTUALLY FIT IN HERE!' she said joyfully, jumping to her feet. She turned around. 'THOSE ARE SOME SPECTACULAR LEGO DISPLAYS INDEED, MR. DARTH VADER!'

'What…?' Pippin said, trailing off as Heather started posing next to the Hulk made of lego.

'She's with her people,' Amanda clarified.

'Can…can I get by?' Darth Vader asked. He then saw Boromir's shield. 'Dude! Boromir's shield! That's so epic! Where did you get it?!'

As Darth Vader reached down to touch the shield, Boromir assumed that this dark figure was just going to act like the fangirls did and try to take his shield. With a roar, Boromir sprang up and hit Darth Vader on the head with the shield.

'BOROMIR!' Amanda screeched as Darth Vader collapsed.

'PEOPLE SHOULDN'T TOUCH MY SHIELD!' Boromir shouted in anger.

'What just happened?' Heather asked, appearing from behind a Lego statue.

'Boromir just killed Darth Vader!' Amanda explained hurriedly.

'I just knocked him out,' Boromir said defensively. 'Look, you can see him breathing.'

'Dude, Amanda, don't be so pissed; he has just saved the galaxy!' Heather said. 'Good job, Boromir.'

'Don't encourage him!' Amanda snapped.

In the end, Darth Vader was awkwardly dragged behind a Captain America made of Lego.

'That kind of looked sketchy,' Heather said after they had finished hiding him.

'What's a Comic-Con?' Frodo asked randomly.

'You'll see,' Heather said, grinning wickedly. 'Let's go find the other people…'

She then led the group towards down a hallway that was marked with bright red arrows, a little jump in her step. They came across a door with an "X" on it and opened it up.

A room full of bustling people, many in costumes, was exposed. The Fellowship walked forwards, and unbeknownst to them, Gollum snuck off into the crowd.

'Nobody get lost, please,' Amanda pleaded with them all. Suddenly, another person dressed as Darth Vader walked by.

'HE HAS BEEN RESURRECTED!' Boromir yelled, clutching onto his shield protectively. Everyone turned to stare at him.

'Sometimes you make no sense,' Amanda sighed.

'Guys, quit embarrassing me,' Heather said huffily. 'IS THAT PERSON DRESSED UP AS NUTELLA?!'

Heather quickly vanished into the crowd.

'Well, there goes our guide. Okay, folks, let's try to fit in,' Amanda said. They started into the crowd.

'Cool weapons!' a random person suddenly commented. They were dressed up as Loki. 'What fandom are they from?'

'The Lord of the Rings,' Amanda said quickly.

'Dude, how did I now know that? Everyone knows who I am, though,' the person said with a laugh.

'I don't,' Frodo said.

'You…don't?' the person asked, taken aback.

'He's just really in his LOTR character-mode,' Amanda said, trying to cover for Frodo; 'he asked me what a cell phone was a few minutes ago, ha ha…yeah.'

'No I didn't,' Frodo said.

'Oh, look, there's Thor!' Amanda said quickly over Frodo, pointing behind Loki's shoulder. The person in costume turned around to look, and Amanda quickly led The Fellowship away.

'Who was that?' Frodo asked.

'Loki,' Amanda said shortly.

'Is he famous?' Frodo questioned.

'Erm…' Amanda said, 'it's complicated…'

'That person looks like me,' Legolas said, pointing to someone dressed in an elf costume.

'When you had hair, you looked like that,' Heather said, suddenly popping up. 'Although methinks they're dressed up as Link.'

'Where have you been?' Amanda asked haughtily.

'The person dressed up as Nutella was giving away small jars of Nutella.'

'Did you bring yours back?' Amanda asked hopefully.

'I've already eaten it.'

'Look! There's Gandalf!' Frodo exclaimed, pointing to a tall person dressed up as a wizard.

'Actually, that's Dumbledore,' Heather corrected, but the hobbits had already run up to the person and were currently giving them hugs.

'WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!' the hobbits cried out, clutching at the robe of the poor fake-wizard.

'What?' the person said. 'Get off! Off! Hey, you – stop crying on my socks!'

'Fandoms should stop idolising characters that look like other fandom's characters,' Heather said wisely as Dumbledore made a run for it.

'Um, Amanda?' Aragorn suddenly said.

'Yes?' Amanda replied, not liking his tone.

'Gollum is on the ceiling again…'

Amanda looked up. 'Crap.'

'He really likes doing that lately,' Heather said, peering upwards. Suddenly, Gollum made a loud shriek from above, and then he was falling. 'Oh shit…'

There was a thump, and many gasps. Gollum had landed on none other Ian Mackellen.

'OH SHIT!' Heather screeched as she pushed through the crowd. 'GOLLUM, YOU KILLED GANDALF!'

'Gandalf?' the hobbits cried out.

'Not the real Gandalf!' Amanda assured them.

'We hurtses!' Gollum wailed.

'You killed Gandalf!' the hobbits cried out.

'Isn't he already dead?' Legolas asked.

'We've told you already; he didn't actually die!' Heather said.

'But you just said that Gollum killed Gandalf!' the hobbits exclaimed in panicky and confused voices.

'This man is Gandalf, just not your Gandalf!' Heather explained.

'We is confused, precious!' Gollum screamed.

'So Gandalf is and isn't dead?' the hobbits asked.

'Yes!' Heather shouted. Ian Mackellen then coughed. 'Or…maybe they're both alive.'

'Gandalf is dead?' Gimli asked, slow on the uptake.

'No, but he is,' Legolas said.

'No, they're both alive,' Heather said exasperatedly.

'But you said -,'

'Heather, security is coming…'

'Gandalf is deadses or not?'

'He's not!'

'But you just said -,'

'Heather, security is coming and they look angry…'

'Is Loki a girl?'

'Frodo, that isn't even relevant -,'

'Heather, they look pissed…'

'What's happening?' Sir Ian Mackellen asked.

'We don't know if Gandalf is dead or not,' Frodo explained.

'Heather!'

Suddenly the group was swarmed with security guards. Gollum was instantly grabbed by one of them, and Ian Mackellen got up.

'We don'ts like being touched, precious!' Gollum wailed, biting at his captor's arms.

'He looks a lot like Gollum,' Ian Mackellen remarked faintly.

'That's because we is Gollum, we is!' Gollum howled.

'I'm confused,' Ian Mackellen said.

'Welcome to my world,' Amanda sighed.

Then the world went dark.

'So…is Gandalf dead?' Frodo asked in a confused manner.

'…yes,' Heather decided.

'But you said -,'

'Yes he isn't not, not, not undead.'

Frodo sat in silence, trying to figure the sentence out.

'I'm confused,' said Gimli.

'Again, welcome to my world,' Amanda groaned before collapsing onto the dark ground.

…Goes to the Movie Theatre!

(suggestions surrounding movie-theatre-going by legolasgreenleaf77, a guest, Pip the Invader, The NCISElf, daddys number 1 girl, and Petaldawn)

(erm…this mini-chapter-thing doesn't really contain any spoilers for The Hobbit, just as an FYI, so you people who haven't seen the movie yet (although I doubt there are many who haven't), don't worry – all that is mentioned are a few names and such :D)

'I'm boreeeed,' Frodo said suddenly. It had been around an hour since the Comic-Con.

'I have to pee again,' Pippin said sadly.

'TMI,' Heather groaned.

'Like, badly…'

'Pippin.'

'I'm going to explode.'

'Pippin.'

'Kablooey.'

'You're a strange hobbit,' Heather sighed. Then she abruptly cried out, 'Legolaaaaas!'

The elf woke up from his sleep. He was peeved, because he had been having a lovely dream consisting of him having hair again. 'What?'

'Ear-licking!' Heather said joyfully. Legolas grew pale and curled into a ball, muttering things to himself as he did so.

'Stop tormenting him,' Amanda scolded.

'He deserves it.'

'Why?'

'He killed the cactus.'

There was a long pause.

'Sometimes I worry about you,' Amanda finally said.

Then the world became bright.

'ERMERGERD!' Heather groaned, hiding her eyes beneath her sleeves.

'It's actually not that bright out, Heather,' Amanda said slowly. Heather cracked open her eyes.

'It's pretty bright,' Heather mumbled. 'Where are we?'

'I think a movie theatre,' Amanda said, 'or, rather, at a cinema. We're not actually in a theatre. We're in the food-buying-place…thing.'

'Good description,' Heather said. 'I haven't seen a movie in forever. What's playing?'

Amanda stood up, followed by the others. On a wall next to them were many movie posters. Amanda did a little dance. 'The Hobbit!'

'THE HOBBIT IS PLAYING?!' Heather shouted. 'BUT WHEN WE LEFT ON THIS ADVENTURE-THINGY, IT WASN'T OUT YET!'

Amanda and Heather then started to dance around in joy.

'What's happening?' Frodo asked.

'We still have money!' Heather said, ignoring him. 'We can goooo!'

'Guys! Guys-guys-guys!' Amanda exclaimed to the group. 'Want to be exposed to some amazing-sauce culture?!'

'Erm…' the group replied.

'Alright, let's go get tickets!' Amanda decided, not waiting for an answer. The Fellowship all got gradually up.

'I thought you weren't fangirls,' Frodo said as they started towards a ticket counter.

'Dude. Bro. This is The Hobbit that we're talking about. This isn't a fandom. This is life,' Heather said. She then looked at The Fellowship walking right next to her. '…literally.'

Amanda quickly bought the tickets. The movie was to start in ten minutes.

'We have only a little time to buy snacks,' Amanda said anxiously. 'So what do people want?'

The hobbits listed the things that they wanted and then scampered off to find the bathrooms, supervised by Aragorn, Boromir, and Gimli. That left just Amanda, Heather, and Legolas to carry the monstrous amount of food that had been ordered. Gollum sulked in a corner and offered no assistance.

'Guys, I don't think we'll be able to carry fifteen extra-large bags of popcorn,' Heather said doubtfully. 'Or twenty extra-large pops. Or eleven packages of candy floss. Or twenty-three packs of candy. Or the ten trays of nachos.'

'The hobbits nearly ate everything in that restaurant not that long ago. I don't see why they wanted so much food,' Amanda sighed, staring at the large amount of food sitting on the snack counter. The person behind the counter was giving her a strange look.

'Do you need help carrying the food?' they asked.

'Yes,' Amanda replied quickly.

In the end, the food had to be carried into the theatre by many workers. An entire row was cleared for The Fellowship and their food. After this was settled, Heather had to quickly go and find the hobbits and the men before the movie started. When they arrived back at the theatre, the movie was just about to start.

'IT'S SO DARK!' Pippin shouted. He was hushed by many movie watchers. 'WHY ARE PEOPLE MAKING "SHHHH" NOISES?!'

'Oh god,' Amanda groaned as the group stumbled through the darkness. Pippin actually ended up tripping over something and falling into an aisle, causing a woman to spill her drink everywhere.

'YOU SPILLED MY POP ON MY PURSE!' she screamed. Several nearby people groaned as they tried to pay attention to the movie.

'I CAN'T SEEEEEE!' Pippin cried out. Then he looked on screen. 'WHAT'S HAPPENING?'

Heather then physically dragged him to his seat where the others were sitting.

'Be quiet!' she hissed, plopping him onto the chair.

'WHAT IS HAPPENING, HEATHER?'

'We're watching a movie. Shh!'

'WHAT'S A MOVIE?' Pippin whispered loudly.

'Shut up and watch,' Heather hissed.

At first The Fellowship remained silent, yet it didn't take very long for Frodo to start talking.

'That's Bilbo!' he cried out.

'We salute you, Captain Obvious. Now shut up,' Heather hissed at him as several people in the theatre grumbled.

'That's me…?' Frodo said loudly again a little while later.

'This movie is called The Hobbit for a reason; there are hobbits in it. Shut up, now,' Heather said in a whisper.

'AM I IN THIS MOVIE?' Pippin yell-whispered.

'Am I?' Sam asked.

'Am I?' Merry asked.

'You aren't important, so no,' Heather said angrily. 'Now shut up! I'm trying to watch!'

At this point, there were many unhappy people in the theatre, but the comments didn't stop there. Several things were shouted out at random, such as 'Gandalf!' and 'Those are dwarves! That's my father!' and 'Bilbo looks so young!' and 'Gimli, who's Thorin Oakenshield? Why is he so important?' By the third outcry of, 'DRAGON?!' (screeched by Pippin), people had started to leave the theatre.

'Guys, shut uuuuup!' Heather commanded irately.

'BOMBUR'S SO FAAAAAT!' Pippin responded gaily. 'Merry, pass the pink-fluff-stuff-in-a-bag!'

'I think it is called candy floss,' Merry said knowledgably. He tossed a pack over to Pippin.

'May I have some of the popped corn?' Gimli asked pleasantly; he really liked this movie, mainly because it was about dwarves being epic.

'YEP!' Pippin exclaimed, tossing him a bag. Pippin was so happy, in fact, that he tossed very badly and flung popcorn across the entire eight rows of seats in front of him. 'OOPS!'

'Pippin!' Amanda groaned as several more people stomped out angrily.

'Retry!' Pippin said, tossing another bag. This time the bag landed over someone's head, and some popcorn ended up hitting the movie screen where it stuck.

'You've messed up the view of the movie!' Heather pouted. The popcorn had ruined the epic scene that they had been watching; it's hard to take a movie seriously if there's popcorn seemingly stuck to people's faces.

'This movie is stupid,' Legolas suddenly said. 'And that singing earlier? Elves are far more superior.'

'Do you want a fight, elf-boy?' Gimli said, turning to Legolas. Legolas blinked and seemed to think about it for a bit.

'I actually just really want my hair back,' Legolas said, and then burst into tears.

'This is a mess,' Amanda stated as Pippin tried to throw another bag of popcorn, this time successfully landing it over Legolas' head. She watched regretfully as the final amount of the other movie watchers trickled out of the theatre, mumbling complaints. 'Well then. We're alone.'

'WE CAN BE LOUD NOW!' Pippin shouted happily, springing over the seat in front of him and tumbling across a few rows. 'MERRY, GIVE ME SOME MORE CANDY FLOSS!'

'Please don't; he's had enough sugar,' Amanda said pleadingly, but Merry didn't hear her. He tossed Pippin another bag.

'I HATE MY LIIIIFE!' Legolas yelled, his head still within the popcorn bag. 'MY HAIR IS GONE. FATHER WILL HATE ME. I DON'T LOOK LIKE A PRINCE ANYMORE. I WANT TO GO HOOOOME AND HAVE MY HAIR BACK! I WANT TO GO HOME!'

He pried the bag off of his face, which was covered in salt and grease. 'I HAVE SALT IN MY EYES!'

Legolas then started to blindly reach for water to rinse out the stinging salt, butter, grease, and whatever else was put in with the popcorn. He ended up finding a cup of pop and, prying open his eyes, poured the bubbly liquid into them.

'MY EEEEYES!' Legolas shouted at the top of his lungs, rolling off of his seat and onto the floor. 'IT BURRRRNS!'

Unbeknownst to the group, Gollum had snuck away. He had found the movie projector behind them all and had accidentally paused the movie. Bilbo's face became plastered on screen, two bits of popcorn outwardly stuck to his eyes.

'What. The. Shit.' Heather swore. 'I JUST WANT TO SEE THE BLOODY MOVIE. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!'

'Watch this!' Pippin cried out proudly. He jumped up and ran towards the screen, and, using the candy floss, covered the chin of Martin Freeman with pink. It looked like an odd beard.

'I'M DONE.' Heather shouted, tossing her bag of popcorn into the air and getting up angrily. 'I'M SO DONE. I'M SO DONE THAT I CAN'T.'

She then stomped out of the theatre.

'"I'm so done that I can't"?' Boromir quoted. 'That makes grammatical sense.'

'I'M SO DONE THAT I CAN'T TOOOOO!' Legolas howled.

'You don't even know what that means,' Boromir pointed out. Legolas bawled more, tugged off his shoe, and started to savagely hit himself in the head with it.

'This isn't going well,' Amanda commented. She looked up to see that Pippin had given Bilbo a much bigger pink beard.

Suddenly, Heather's protests could be heard. She was soon pushed back into the theatre by a short man.

'We've had numerous complaints about things happening in this theatre,' he announced loudly. He then saw Pippin sticking more candy floss onto the movie screen. 'What are you doing?!'

Pippin squeaked and dropped his bag of the fluff. 'NOTHING!'

'MY LIFE MEANS NOTHING!' Legolas yelled from his seat.

'Why is the movie stopped?' the man asked angrily.

'I don't know, and frankly I don't give a shit anymore. Can I leave?' Heather asked in an unhappy tone. Suddenly there came a scraping noise from the back of the theatre. The picture on the movie screen started to shudder. 'What…what was that?'

The man swore loudly and flicked on a flashlight. He pointed it to the noise, illuminating a projector suddenly tumbling down the set of stairs next to the rows of theatre seats. The projector was still projecting, and a grainy picture of Martin Freeman jumped all over the theatre as the bulky piece of equipment bounced down the steps. When it reached the bottom, it flew into the air and smacked into the man. There was a crack! and Martin Freeman's blurry image disappeared.

'Whoopses,' Gollum said from above the seats, 'we didn't mean to push it down the stairses, precious.'

'GOLLUM, YOU KILLED SOMEONE!' Amanda screeched, getting quickly out of her seat.

'He's not dead!' Heather said, testing his pulse. 'Just knocked out…why is everyone getting knocked out lately? You'd think that someone would have died by now…'

'I WANT TO DIE!' Legolas cried out.

'What happened to elves being cheerful?' Gimli asked jokingly.

'I WILL CUT YOUR THROAT IF YOU DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!' Legolas screamed, still smacking his forehead with his shoe.

'Poor elf-boy,' Heather said sardonically, picking up the random man's flashlight. She pointed it to Legolas. 'You have a bit of butter on your face…maybe more than a bit. More like a vat's worth.'

Legolas literally rolled off of his chair to disappear from the light. 'GO AWAAAAY!'

'Someone needs sleep,' Heather commented. 'Well, since you guys have RUINED the movie - like, literally ruined it, seeing as the projector is no longer working – we might as well leave. This has been disappointing. I'm pissed off.'

'ERM NOT!' Pippin said over a mouthful of candy floss. He had eaten all of the stuff from his bag and was trying to get back the fluff that he had mashed onto the screen. It was hard to do in near darkness.

'Legolas, if you want my professional get-better advice, eat some candy floss; the sugar will improve your mood, and you'll stop feeling so PMS-y,' Heather advised the elf.

'What's PMS?' Merry asked.

'CAN YOU EAT IT?' Pippin questioned hopefully, as per usual.

'Ew,' was all that Heather said. Then the theatre ceased to exist. 'Ah. Back in the black-room thing. WAIT – I still have the flashlight!'

Heather pointed it around helpfully.

'I hate when we teleport when we're sitting down. Suddenly the chair is gone and you just slam into the ground,' Amanda complained.

'I HATE LIFE!'

'Legolas, have some candy floss,' Merry said, tossing him a bag.

'I DON'T WANT ANY!'

In the end, he was force-fed.

…Makes Computers/Electronics!

(suggested by two guests)

'Feeling better, elfy?' Heather asked cheerfully, pointing the flashlight at his face.

'Candy floss tastes disgusting,' Legolas replied gloomily.

'At least you have something else to focus on now,' Heather responded happily.

'I want to go hoooome,' Legolas groaned. 'I don't even care anymore what the others would say about my hair. Hair grows back. My health won't if I keep on going through torture.'

'Why so serious?' Heather questioned, and then burst into laughter.

'Thanks for the support,' Legolas said through clenched teeth.

'She's never very supportive, if you haven't realised that by now,' Amanda reminded the elf.

'Whatever,' he sighed. The world suddenly became bright.

'MY EYES!' Heather roared, keeling over.

'Why so serious?' Legolas snapped at her.

'YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE THAT QUOTE IS FROOOOM!' Heather roared. She then poked up her head, finding the light not unbearable. 'And you used it wrong.'

'Whatever,' Legolas repeated.

'Where are we?' Merry suddenly asked.

'Isn't that usually my line?' Heather asked sarcastically. 'Anyways, it's simple; we're…'

She looked around. They were outside of a large grey brick building with the words 'Electronic FACTORY' printed on it.

'We're at the Electronic FACTORY, of course,' Heather said proudly. She then frowned. 'Why is "FACTORY" all in caps?'

'So that you know that it's a factory,' Amanda explained inadequately.

'Do you think they had some complaint?' Heather asked. '"I was driving past the factory, and since 'factory' wasn't capitalised, I thought that this was a drugstore! How dare you print such confusing signs?!"'

'You have a strange mind,' Amanda decided. 'Let's go inside.'

They all got up and headed towards the Electronic FACTORY. Out front there were two revolving doors and one normal door.

'WHAT ARE THOSE?!' Pippin asked excitedly.

'Doors…?' Amanda responded faintly.

Pippin rushed forwards and into the revolving door, followed by Merry. They pushed at the glass and started to go round and round in the door.

'THIS IS FUUUUUN!' Pippin shouted. Then the door suddenly got stuck, leaving the hobbits imprisoned between the glass walls. 'Or…not. WHAT'S HAPPENING?!'

'Ah, shit,' Heather swore as Merry became claustrophobic, pushed on the glass too much, and smashed it. Glass sprayed everywhere, and Pippin, in his surprise, snapped through his door too.

'Merry! Pippin!' Amanda yelled as the hobbits quickly exited through the new, sharp holes in the glass.

'It wasn't me!' they both said at once.

'We literally just watched you both smash the glass, idiots,' Heather said in a pained tone. 'We can't take you anywhere, can we?'

'Are you hurt?' Amanda asked anxiously.

'I think I ate too much candy floss,' Pippin randomly said.

'I think that means "no",' Heather interpreted.

'You guys need to be more careful!' Amanda scolded them. 'You could have been seriously hurt!'

'Yeah, we wouldn't want that to happen,' Legolas commented cynically.

'Who pissed in your Cheerios?' Heather asked him unpleasantly.

'What?' he replied confusedly.

'That's right,' Heather said, walking towards the normal door and pulling it open. She motioned for Legolas to go in. 'Ladies first.'

He looked about ready to scream.

When they were inside the building they found themselves in a long hallway. Awkwardly leaving the smashed glass behind, they walked down the corridor. There was an elevator door right next to a door leading to a staircase.

'Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'd prefer to not take the elevator,' Heather voiced.

'I'm with you on that one,' Amanda said in a pained tone.

'Why not?' Pippin asked. Everyone stared at him.

'Do you have the memory span of a goldfish?' Heather asked him.

'What's a goldfish?'

'A fish…that's gold-coloured…'

'I'm confused,' Pippin stated.

'Same,' Heather agreed. 'Now let's take the stairs.'

The door was opened and they climbed up the seemingly never-ending staircase. Finally they got to the top where there was a large metal door.

'Wouldn't it be great if this door and the door downstairs suddenly locked and we got stuck in a stairwell for twenty-four hours?' Heather asked.

'No,' the others replied bitterly.

'Yeah, I agree,' Heather responded, pulling at the handle of the door. A look of panic swept across her face. 'It's…it's not opening!'

All at once Gollum started to wail, Legolas contemplated throwing himself down the stairs, Merry started to yell, making Pippin start to scream too, Aragorn, Boromir, and Gimli all started to devise a plan to knock down the door, Sam and Frodo curled up into fetal positions, and Amanda looked ready to start to cry.

'Just kidding,' Heather said with a grin, opening the door. Everyone looked about ready to kill her.

'Not. Funny.' Amanda said through gritted teeth, passing through the door.

'Whatever,' Heather said, mocking Legolas.

They all entered a room full of machinery. Several people in uniforms were working away on machines while a woman with a clipboard walked around, taking notes as she sneered at the people.

'It's Umbridge!' Heather whispered.

'Who?' Pippin asked.

'Never mind,' Heather sighed as the woman spotted the group and stalked towards them.

'Good day,' the woman said stiffly as she arrived in front of them.

'G'day, mate!' Heather exclaimed in a terrible Australian accent. The woman stared at her.

'I didn't know that our new staff came from out of country,' the woman said, looking at Heather severely.

'Stereotypes! Stereotypes!' Heather shouted very loudly. Amanda stamped on her foot, but it was no use. 'I'm not from Australia! I'm from Canada! DON'T STEREOTYPE ME, BRO!'

The woman didn't look impressed, especially when Heather called her "bro".

'Right…' she said slowly with a sneer. 'Now, how did you find the training exercises? Were they helpful?'

'What training exercises?' Pippin asked. The woman stared at him blankly.

'I'm not one for jokes,' she said stiffly.

'I never would have guessed,' Heather said, rolling her eyes.

'I'm not very impressed with you,' the woman snapped.

'What were you expecting? Swedish supermodels? Sorry that we don't fit the bill,' Heather snapped back.

'Get to work!' the woman shouted in frustration. She clicked her pen and started to scribble furiously on her clipboard.

'I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO,' Pippin yell-whispered at Amanda.

'Make computers!' the woman demanded before she stalked away.

'What…what's a computer?' Merry asked.

'This isn't going to go well,' Amanda predicted unenthusiasticly.

X

After explaining what computers were to the confused Fellowship, the group moved over to the other workers. They eventually found one that was willing to talk to them.

'So…' Amanda said awkwardly, '…what do we do here?'

The worker looked at her strangely. 'We…assemble parts?'

'You've lost me,' Amanda said.

'The parts are made out of country…and then are shipped here…so we can assemble them?'

'Why does that happen?' Amanda asked. 'Wouldn't it be easier to just make the…computers in one place? We are making computers here, right?'

'The computer parts are made in a different country and then are shipped here and assembled, so that our company can say that these computers weren't made overseas,' the worker responded bleakly.

'Wouldn't that be lying?' Amanda questioned.

'I don't care,' the worker shrugged. 'Now, quit asking questions. You guys were probably hired to put the hard drive, chipset, and motherboard into the bottom case assembly. Do you know what you're doing?'

'No,' Heather said flatly.

The worker gave a dry laugh. 'Good luck, then; you'll need it.'

'Where do we even go?' Heather asked harshly. The worker pointed at a large table with several boxes. 'Great.'

She walked over to the table and dumped a box onto it. Several computer parts were scattered everywhere. A few fell off of the table and smashed. 'Oops.'

The woman stomped over. 'Be careful! I'm deducting the cost of replacing those parts from your pay.'

She then stamped away, writing more things onto her clipboard. 'Wait until you see the door downstairs,' Heather said through her teeth.

'Smooth,' Amanda said, coming up from behind her. 'So…do you know how to assemble a computer?'

'I took apart my laptop once,' Heather said with a shrug. 'I think that's what we're making here.'

'Wait…I think I remember when you dismantled your laptop. Didn't you break it?' Amanda asked.

'Yeah, my parents were pissed,' Heather said with a frown.

'What…what happened?'

'I kind of sort of maybe put the battery in the wrong place and maybe hooked it up to the wrong thing and maybe set fire to my laptop and desk…' Heather said guiltily.

'Why did you take it apart in the first place?!' Amanda asked incredulously.

'I got half of my chocolate chip cookie stuck in the keyboard and I wanted it back,' Heather said defensively.

'How did you manage that?'

'Don't ask.'

Heather then kicked the broken computer parts under the table. She pulled a box of parts over to her and pulled out what looked to be like a tray. 'Is this the bottom case assembly thingamabob?'

'I guess so…' Amanda said with a shrug.

'What's that?' Frodo asked, walking up to the table. The rest of The Fellowship was with him.

'A taco,' Heather responded.

'What's a…taco?' Pippin asked.

'A rash,' Heather said.

'I'm very confused,' Pippin sighed. 'I always am.'

'That happens when you're around Heather,' Amanda said with a nod.

'Alright, I think I have this figured out,' Heather said, holding up an arm. 'So this thing goes here and that thing goes…here…and this thingamabob fits with this thingy…and…yeah.'

'In other words, you have no idea what you're doing,' Amanda interpreted.

'Yep. Okay, everyone, listen up; put things in at random and hope!' Heather decided brightly, smashing a handful of parts into the bottom case assembly. She then pushed it over to an end of the table. 'When you're done, push what you're working on over to that corner and start over again. Got it?'

'We is so confused, precious,' Gollum sighed, grabbing a handful of computer parts and attempting to eat them. When he realised that they were in fact not edible, he spit them out into his hand and tossed them into the finished-work corner of the table. He then wandered off.

Less than two minutes later, Pippin made a loud aaaaAAAAAAGHHHHHHH! noise. When everyone looked at him, they saw his hand dripping with blood.

'THE THING BIT ME!' Pippin wailed, throwing a part down and starting to jump on it. This resulted with blood being sprayed everywhere.

'Pippin, calm down!' Amanda said through gritted teeth. 'You got blood all over my shoe!'

Pippin stopped jumping at once and stared at his hand as if he hadn't noticed all of the blood. He then promptly fainted.

'Pippin!' Merry cried out loudly, rushing to his friend's aid.

'I think he got blood in my mouth,' Heather said with a disgusted look upon her face.

'We need some bandages!' Amanda said quickly. 'Stop surrounding him; let him breath!'

'He most definitely got blood in my mouth…'

'Merry, he is not choking, so stop doing that!' Amanda commanded as Merry hit Pippin on the back. 'You should never hit anyone like that, anyways.'

'I feel sick,' Heather groaned.

'What is happening over here?' the stern woman asked, walking up to them.

'BLOOD!' Pippin suddenly screeched, becoming conscious.

He shot upwards, spraying blood everywhere. The woman did not look impressed.

'Get up!' she spat at Pippin, and she said it so harshly that he obeyed quite quickly. 'Come with me!'

She then took him by the arm and dragged him away, leaving the others behind.

'What…what is she going to do to him?' Merry asked at length.

'I don't know…' Amanda said slowly, looking worried.

'Who cares?' Heather said unhappily; she was quite peeved that he got blood in her mouth.

'I do!' Merry shouted.

'We don'ts,' Gollum hissed.

'Kay, whatever, just keep on making computers,' Heather decided with a shrug.

A few minutes later, Pippin came stumbling back, his hand thoroughly wrapped in bandages.

'Why does my hand always get damaged?' Pippin whimpered.

The unhappy woman stalked towards them. 'Every time an injury occurs here, I have to write it down. This makes me look bad, so don't get hurt again.'

'OH NO!' Heather suddenly shouted, clutching at her head.

'What?!' the woman asked sharply.

'Your voice has made my brain turn into mush. Write that down,' Heather instructed the women, pointing at her clipboard.

'I am not writing that down! This isn't a joke!' the woman said impatiently and angrily.

'No, seriously, my brain is mush,' Heather said with a nod. 'Your voice made it go all mushy. I'm going to sue.'

'You're-,' the woman began, but she stopped when she saw the laptops that had been "completed". 'What are those?'

'Llamas,' Heather said wisely. 'Llamas with backpacks full of tacos.'

'Stop that!' the woman said, turning and looking at Heather sharply.

'Do you have something against tacos?' Heather asked in a shocked tone.

'You've ruined those parts!' the woman cried out, pointing to the mounds of parts.

'Wait until you see the door!' Heather said angrily. 'It's waaaay worse!'

'What…what door?' the woman asked.

'The front revolving door,' Heather said matter-of-factly.

'Heather…' Amanda said slowly.

'What did you do to that door?' the lady asked very reluctantly.

'Heather…' Amanda repeated, but Heather didn't listen to her.

'We smashed it,' Heather said with a grin.

The woman's eye twitched.

'That door,' she said at length, 'was graciously donated to our building by the CEO of this company.'

'It's just a door,' Heather said, and then laughed.

Suddenly the woman gave a yell like a war cry and lunged at Heather, reaching for her hair. Heather gave a surprised yelp and tried to push the woman away. Instead, she ended up falling down and overturning the table.

'I NEED A LITTLE HELP HERE!' Heather shouted as the woman attempted to strangle her.

'HEATHER, YOU PUSHED THE TABLE INTO A MACHINE!' Amanda shouted.

The table had fallen into the mouth of a very large apparatus that seemed to make labels. One of the legs had got caught in the opening, and there was the awful sound of grinding metal, as well as some smoke.

'KIND OF BUSY!' Heather screeched as the woman yanked at her hair. 'OI, GOLLUM!'

Gollum, deciding that he might as well help Heather, meandered over to the fight and hit the woman on the head. She slumped to the floor, unconscious.

'Thanks mutant-hobbit,' Heather said after a second.

'Can we eats her?' Gollum asked hopefully, prodding the woman with a finger.

'No,' Heather said, getting up.

'Then whys did we even save you in the first place, gollum?' Gollum sighed grumpily.

'Heather!' Amanda shouted, pointing at the label machine which was currently on fire.

'Well…shit,' Heather said astutely.

'Here's a fire extinguisher!' one of the employees said, tossing Amanda the red cylinder.

'I KNOW HOW TO USE THAT!' Frodo yelled proudly over the sudden alarm bells that started to ring. He grabbed the fire extinguisher from Amanda's arms.

'NO YOU DON'T!' Amanda shrieked.

It was too late; Frodo fired the fire extinguisher the wrong way again and ended up spraying himself, Gimli, Legolas, and Sam with foam.

'WE NEED ANOTHER ONE!' Amanda yelled, turning around to the employees – but they had all left.

'Let's get out of here!' Aragorn shouted.

'To the elevator!' Pippin yelled.

'No, not to the elevator!' Amanda yelled back.

Suddenly, the woman woke up. She stared at the flames and then started to wail.

'THE STAIRWELL IS LOCKED UP!' Boromir shouted; he had went over to the staircase door to open it, but to no avail.

'WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!' Heather shouted at the ceiling.

Suddenly sprinklers went off.

'My epic moments are always ruined,' Heather groaned, collapsing to the ground.

'WHY IS IT RAINING INSIDE?!' Pippin shouted at the top of his lungs.

'To put the fire out,' Amanda told him as she took deep breaths to calm herself down.

The fire alarm subsided and soon there was no more fire, just a lot of smoke.

'You've…you've ruined my factory,' the woman said at length.

'Sorry bro,' Heather said with a grin. Then the world went dark.

'I'm c-c-cold,' Pippin said through chattering teeth after a while.

'Cool story,' Heather said.

'Actually, it is a "cool" story, because he is cold,' Legolas stated.

'Remind me to toss you over a bridge the next time we see one,' Heather said grimly.

'That story would make a "splash" at parties,' Amanda suddenly piped up.

'Don't you dare start this,' Heather hissed.

'Oh, we has one!' Gollum cried out excitedly. 'The story would be as "crunchy" as fish bones!'

'I…I think you're a little off with that one, Gollum,' Heather said as Amanda sat next to her silently giggling.

…Goes to Disneyland!

(suggested by legolasgreenleaf77)

…Goes to a Theme Park!

(suggested by two guests and Midnight Archer 13)

'Frodo, you got foam in my ears,' Legolas sighed.

'The fire extinguisher was obviously broken. It's not my fault,' Frodo said huffily.

'My hand huuuurts,' Pippin groaned.

'How did you even cut yourself? The parts weren't sharp,' Heather asked.

'I don't know,' Pippin said with a shrug. 'I was just trying to break apart one of the parts to see what was inside when it completely snapped in half. It looked sharp, but I wasn't sure, so I ran my hand along it, and it bit me. I don't know how it happened, though…'

'You need some help,' Heather said at length. 'It looked sharp, but I wasn't sure, so I ran my hand along it. How idiotic are you?'

'I wasn't sure if it was sharp!' Pippin cried defensively. 'It only looked sharp!'

'That usually means that it is sharp,' Heather said, shaking her head.

'I'm not as idiotic as Frodo; he's the one who misused the fire extinguisher!' Pippin said indignantly.

'I said it was broken,' Frodo repeated unhappily. 'And I'm not as idiotic as Heather; she's the one who upset the lady!'

'I didn't know she was going to try and kill me!' Heather protested. 'Besides, if Pippin hadn't cut his hand she wouldn't have been that upset in the first place!'

'It bit me!' Pippin screeched.

'PLASTIC DOESN'T BITE!' Heather shouted at the top of her lungs. 'HOLY SHIT, A PLASTIC PART DOESN'T HAVE TEETH, LET ALONE THE CAPACITY TO BITE!'

There was an awkward silence.

'What's plastic?' Pippin finally asked.

'I'm going to scream,' Heather informed them all.

'You already have,' Legolas said unhappily.

'ELF-BOY, IF YOU SAY ONE MORE WORD, I WILL FORCE YOU TO EAT MY SHOE!'

'I have a name, you know…'

'That's it,' Heather said, pulling off her shoe and getting up. 'Legolas, where are you?!'

Legolas, being smarter than the average bear, didn't give away his location. Sadly for him, the dark room was getting light enough to actually see the shapes of everyone. Heather chucked the shoe at a thin-ish shape.

'OW!' Legolas cried out.

'MUHAHAA!' Heather cried out triumphantly.

Then the world became bright.

'BWAAAAAGAAAAAAAAH!' Heather screamed, falling to the ground into a ball.

'Heather, it honestly isn't that bright out,' Amanda said, staring at her friend.

'Dude, yes it is,' Heather said, poking her head up. 'My eyes are just more sensitive than yours.'

'Here's your shoe,' Legolas said grimly, throwing it at her head. Heather ducked just in time, and the shoe fell into a nearby fountain. It immediately sunk into the depths of the murky water.

'ELF-BOY, THAT WAS MY SHOOOOE!' Heather screeched.

'Go get it,' Legolas said simply.

'The water doesn't look clean…' Heather said slowly, looking at the fountain. A Band-Aid suddenly surfaced and started to sail across the water. 'Ew. No. I'm not putting my arm in there.'

'You can't walk around with only one shoe,' Amanda said crisply.

'Well then I guess I can just buy one from…here. Where are we?' Heather asked, looking around. At that moment, Gollum gave a shriek and ran off to hide behind Boromir. 'Gollum, bro, calm your shit.'

'Nasty miceses, they scares us, yes!' Gollum wailed

'…right,' Heather agreed, glancing at the place that Gollum was staring at. A person in a Mickey Mouse costume was waving to them. 'Well there's your problem!'

'I think we're at Disneyland!' Amanda suddenly cried out happily.

'No, I'm pretty sure we're in Antarctica,' Heather said sarcastically.

'What is that?' Frodo asked, pointing to the Mickey Mouse person.

'Is it edibles?' Gollum asked, apparently over his initial shock.

'Yes it are,' Heather said, mocking Gollum's grammar.

'We should go on some rides!' Amanda decided.

'I don't think that a rollercoaster would be a good idea when you consider who you're dealing with,' Heather said, raising an eyebrow.

'Whatever. Let's just explore!' Amanda said cheerfully before starting to wander off.

'I only have one shoe!' Heather called out, but no one seemed to hear her.

They were situated on a large cobblestone path with the fountain in the centre. A few families were meandering about, and Mickey was abruptly bombarded with screaming children as Heather passed him by. She was hopping on one foot as she tried to keep up with the others.

'First stop; someplace where I can buy some new shoes,' Heather told the group as she struggled to keep up with them.

'I think there's a souvenir shop right over there,' Amanda said, pointing to a large building.

As they neared the store, a large sign reading "NO SHIRTS, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE!" loomed into view.

'I guess you'll have to stay outside then, Heather,' Amanda joked.

'I still have one shoe, so therefore I should be good,' Heather said bitterly, hopping to the door and yanking it open.

No sooner had she entered the room than the cashier blurted out, 'YOU ONLY HAVE ONE SHOE! OUT!'

'Are you kidding me?' Heather growled as Amanda sternly dragged her back out of the store and sat her down on a nearby bench.

'We'll be back shortly,' Amanda told Heather before she quickly left to go into the shop alongside The Fellowship.

Eventually they all returned, giggling as they brandished a pair of Mickey Mouse flip-flops, complete with large, floppy mouse ears and bright rainbow soles.

'Are you serious?' Heather said in slow rage as the shoes were plopped down in front of her.

'It was either these or some princess ones,' Amanda explained. 'They were thirty dollars, actually.'

'I wouldn't pay a penny for – THESE AREN'T EVEN MY SIZE!' Heather roared as she slipped one of them on and found that it was about five sizes too big.

'Erm, yeah…about that…there wasn't too much size selection…'

'I can't go around wearing these,' Heather said slowly as she put the other one on. 'I look stupid.'

'I wouldn't blame that on the shoes, Heather,' Legolas chortled, ducking just in time as Heather's lonely sneaker was hurled at his face.

'Can't we find another souvenir shop with shoes?' Heather pleaded.

'Those were thirty dollars. We're not getting rid of them. Suck it up, buttercup,' Amanda told Heather in a strict tone.

'I hate my lifeeeeeee,' Heather groaned, getting to her feet.

'You're starting to sound like Legolas,' Amanda said.

'I'm actually feeling much better now,' Legolas decided, smiling evilly at Heather's shoes.

'At least I still have hair,' Heather spat at the elf. Legolas' smile vanished, and he sniffled a bit.

'Okay, guys, let's just go have some fun, okay?' Amanda said, giving them all looks.

'I'm hungry!' Merry and Pippin both said at once.

'You guys literally just ate…' Heather sighed, rubbing her temples. 'Fine. Okay. Whatever. We'll get you some food.'

They walked down the cobblestone path which was now flooded with families. More than once, one or both of Heather's flip-flops would fly off somewhere into the crowd and she'd have to go retrieve them, cursing as she went. Eventually, after around ten minutes of getting pushed around in the crowds, they found a food cart.

'Holy shit, look at the lineup,' Heather moaned, pointing to the huge line of people who were eagerly waiting to order.

'They have food!' Pippin said, pointing to the cart.

'A little slow today, Pippin, are we?' Heather said in a mock-questioning tone.

'Okay, let's get in line,' Amanda decided. She walked to the end of the line and stood there, soon joined by everyone else.

'So many peoples, and they is everywhere, precious, yes my precious, and we is not liking them, gollum,' Gollum hissed to himself. 'We is so closed in, precious, yes my precious, they is everywhere!'

'Boromir, if Gollum suddenly goes berserk and starts to eat people, I elect you to stop him,' Heather told Boromir as Gollum started to nervously chew on his own leg.

'Why is it always me?' Boromir groaned.

'Sometimes I like to eat my own toenails,' Pippin randomly stated. There was an awkward silence.

'Ooookay then,' Heather eventually said. 'I think we won't be getting you anymore sugary food for a while…'

When they finally got to the front of the line, they had been waiting for at least an hour, if not more. The price for enough water for them all was a small fortune, and then, of course, the hobbits ordered enough food for a family of ten. By the time everyone had stopped ordering food, a huge chunk of the game show winnings was gone.

'We need to find a way to get more money,' Amanda sighed as she led the hobbits away from the food cart. Their arms were loaded with junk food, and Pippin had managed to order some candy floss without Amanda noticing until it was too late.

They found a few benches and sat down to eat. By the time Heather had gotten through her cheeseburger, Pippin had eaten eight of his, along with his large bag of candy floss and a few cartons of milk.

'You're going to get fat,' Heather told the hobbit as he demolished his ninth cheeseburger in one bite.

'You're one to talk,' Legolas said bitterly to Heather.

'Oh, seems as if sad-elf-boy-person is back,' Heather said in a sickly-sweet voice.

Legolas sighed and slowly returned to eating his salad.

'What is the purpose of this place?' Frodo asked at length.

'It's a place where frogs have their babies,' Heather said.

'Enough with those fake explanations!' Amanda groaned. 'This place, Frodo, is a theme park. There are rides and food and fun things to do.'

'What is the point, though?' Frodo questioned.

'Um…' Amanda trailed off.

'There isn't really any point,' Heather said with a shrug.

'Well, no, people come here to have fun,' Amanda explained. 'It's not entirely necessary, but then again, many things aren't…'

'What's a ride?' Pippin asked after he finished off his last cheeseburger.

'Something that you're not going on,' Heather said bluntly.

'Oh, come on Heather, it will be fuuuun!' Amanda said cheerfully.

'No way. We are not going on a ride with these freaks,' Heather said.

'We have to go on at least one ride!'

'Nope.'

'Heather!'

'No.'

'Not even a kiddie ride?'

'Holy shit, fine,' Heather sighed as she got up from the bench. 'Is everyone done eating?'

'I don't want my last -,' Frodo began, holding up his final cheeseburger. He was interrupted as Pippin lunged at his hand and ate the entire burger in a split-second.

'Um…okay, is everyone done eating?' Heather asked again as Pippin smiled up at her pleasantly.

'You got spit on my hand, Pip,' Frodo said in disgust as a trail of saliva dripped off of Frodo's hand and onto the bench.

'Okay, let's just go find a ride,' Heather decided. She spun around, stopped, pointed in the direction of where she was facing and began to march towards it.

'Just thought I'd let you know that you walking with purpose in those flip-flops has officially made my day,' Amanda told Heather when she caught up to her.

'Shut up,' Heather said with a grimace.

'Do you know where you're going?'

'No.'

'Great…'

Eventually, after wading for what seemed like hours through the large throngs of people, they stumbled upon a ride which didn't seem to have any lineup whatsoever.

'Finally!' Heather grumbled as she waited for the others to catch up.

'What is this ride?' Amanda asked as she walked up to Heather.

'No idea, but it looks pretty damn stupid,' Heather stated as she stared at it. There seemed to be some hollow caterpillars that went around a track in some large structure. It looked like an Alice in Wonderland ride.

'Only four people per caterpillar,' Amanda sighed. 'This may not end well.'

'Oh good, does that mean that we can leave?' Heather asked hopefully.

'No.'

'Of course,' Heather sighed. 'There are eleven of us, so…I'll take Boromir, Aragorn, and sad-elf-boy. You can have the hobbits…I'll take Gimli and you can have Gollum. There might be enough space for more than four on each…'

'Okay, now, how do we get onto the rides?' Amanda asked. They all looked around, but there didn't seem to be anyone to start the ride.

'Oh, look, they're sleeping,' Heather said, pointing to a bored worker who was slumped against a fence, completely a sleep. 'YO, GUY WHO IS ASLEEP! WAKE UUUUP!'

The person jumped to their feet. 'You wish to get onto the ride?'

'No duh,' Heather said impatiently, tapping her foot.

'There are more than four of you, so -,'

'We can do the math, just let us get on so we can get this over with,' Heather said coldly.

The worker nodded, probably hoping that if he obeyed, his sleeping wouldn't get reported. The Fellowship boarded the caterpillars. There was hardly enough space to move once they were all in them, and it got worse as the caterpillars jerked forwards and into the dark building.

'WE IS NOT ENJOYING THIS!' Heather heard Gollum screech from the other caterpillar.

'Oi, Gollum, that's my ear!' Sam shouted.

'Pippin, stop salivating on my foot!'

'WE IS REALLY NOT ENJOYING THIS!'

'Gollum, stop trying to bite off my ear!'

'Amanda, help, Pippin's biting my elbow!'

'I'm glad I'm not on that caterpillar,' Heather said in the dark. 'Elf-boy, mind getting your foot out of my back?'

'Yes, I do mind,' Legolas replied grimly.

'Don't be so moody,' Heather said. 'Oh, hey, look; an exhibit.'

She pointed happily to a lighted statue of the Queen of Hearts who looked like she was about to cut off everyone's head.

'SCARY LADY!' Gollum shrieked.

'GOLLUM, GET BACK INTO THE CATERPILLAR!' Amanda roared. There was a scraping sound suddenly from above.

'Methinks Gollum is on the ceiling again…' Heather guessed.

'I don't care,' Legolas sighed.

'THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT WITH YOUR ANNOYING-NESS, ELF-BOY!' Heather shouted. In the dim light she saw Legolas and abruptly shoved him out of the caterpillar. 'TAKE THAT!'

'That wasn't very nice, Heather,' Gimli said sternly, trying to hide his giggles.

'You do realise how slow this caterpillar is going, right?' Legolas suddenly asked from beside the caterpillar. Another exhibit's lights up ahead showed that he was calmly walking next to them.

'Well…this isn't as dramatic as I expected it to be…' Heather said eventually.

'HEATHER, DO YOU HAVE GOLLUM WITH YOU?' Amanda abruptly yelled from up ahead.

'Nope,' Heather said as she stared at the illuminated Cheshire Cat.

Unexpectedly, a yell sounded from behind them and the caterpillars screeched to a halt. The lights of the displays flickered out.

'Either we're in a horror movie or Gollum just knocked the ride worker out,' Heather decided.

There was an abrupt hissing noise from behind them, and then Gollum started to wail.

'NASTY, FAT MAN TRIED TO HIT US, GOLLUM, AND IT IS DARK AND WE HAS NO PRECIOUS AND – and we is not missing them, is we? No, nasty peoples, gollum, we is betters off without – AND WE BITES OFF HIS HAND, WE TRIES, AND HE TRIES TO HIT US, AND WE KNOCKS HIM OUT, SEE? Yes, my love, and then we runs off and then we – AND NOW WE IS LOST AND THE PRECIOUS IS LOST AND WE IS COLD!'

'Erm, Gollum?' Heather said slowly. 'We "is" right here. Calm your shit.'

'O-oh…' Gollum finally mumbled.

'So…you knocked another person out?' Heather said as if this was nothing new (which, in truth, it wasn't).

'He tried to hit us,' Gollum snuffled.

'I don't blame him,' Legolas said primly.

This was too much for Gollum. With a cry, he lunged towards the elf's voice and caught him by the arm. Legolas yelled and tried to shake the creature off of his arm, but Gollum had sunk his sparse teeth into the elf's flesh and didn't plan on letting go. At that moment the lights flickered back on and another caterpillar emerged from behind a bend, containing a family with two small children who both screamed when they saw Gollum attacking Legolas.

'Aaaand those kids shall now be scarred for life,' Heather said as Gollum sprayed Legolas' blood everywhere. Then the world went dark.

'STOP. BITING. ME!' Legolas roared, finally getting Gollum off of his arm. Gollum hissed like a snake and found a corner to hide in.

'Dude, that bite is going to get infected,' Heather said wisely. 'You'll be dead soon.'

'WELL THANK ERU FOR THAT!' Legolas snapped before falling to the ground.

'Dude, you're more moody than a mood ring,' Heather told the elf.

'Pippin still is chewing on me,' Merry said sadly.

'That's what happens when he eats candy floss,' Heather said with a shrug. 'Now, I think I'll sleep. G'night, y'all.'

'I hope you dream that you die, and then you wake up and it turns out to NOT BE A DREAM!' Legolas bellowed.

'…sweet dreams to you too, Legolas,' Heather said at length before rolling over and falling asleep.

…Host a Radio Show!

(suggested by Lotr4eva)

'Honestly you guys, she's going to be really angry!'

'If she asks who did it, everyone blame the elf.'

'Mind you don't actually cut her scalp, Legolas…'

'Guys, you shouldn't do –,'

Snip, snip, snip.

'Now you've gone and done it, Legolas.'

'Whassat?' Heather asked groggily, pulling herself into a sitting position. Several people giggled. 'What…'

She then realised that her head felt significantly lighter.

'No…' she said slowly, reaching up to touch her hair…or, what was left of her hair. 'No, no, no.'

'Surprise!' Pippin said cheerfully.

'I'M GOING TO KILL EVERYONE!' Heather roared, jumping to her feet and kicking in odd directions. She clipped Legolas in the mouth and he responded by tugging off her flip-flop and attempting to bash her head in with it.

'NOW WHO HAS THE BAD HAIR?!' Legolas shouted.

'LEGOLAS, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!' Heather screeched, managing to shove him to the floor and retrieve her flip-flop. She then tried to knock him out, but seeing as the room wasn't entirely light yet, it was hard to exactly grasp onto a target. This gave time for Legolas to get to his feet and run off.

'I WILL PULL OUT YOUR INTESTINES AND CHOKE YOU WITH THEM!' Heather shrieked, chasing after the elf. Legolas suddenly grabbed Boromir's shield and flung it at Heather, who kind of epic-ly deflected it with her elbow.

'That's my shield!' Boromir shouted, but just then Legolas took his sword and charged at Heather. 'That's my sword!'

Then the world became bright.

Heather crashed to the floor whilst screaming about her eyes. She knocked Legolas over and Boromir's sword clattered to the ground, cutting some wires as it did.

'Woah, what's with the sword?' someone asked from above.

'CALL THE POLICE, THE ELF HAS GONE MAAAAAAD!' Heather yelled at the top of her lungs as she curled up into a ball and rolled away from Legolas.

'…right,' the person said. 'Erm, are you all set for your airtime?'

'Yep,' Merry decided.

'O-okay then,' the person said, and then walked out of the room.

'Where are weeee?' Heather groaned.

'In some sort of studio,' Amanda replied.

Heather looked up. They were in a very white room with some various posters on the wall. Some electronics were off to the side, as well as some headphones and microphones.

'I think we're going to be on a radio programme,' Amanda said excitedly. She then gave Heather a closer look. 'Oh, Heather, your hair…'

'Shut up,' Heather commanded. She stood up and looked at her reflection in a nearby, slightly reflective window. Half of her head was nearly bald, and the other half was covered in small chunks of red hair. 'Legolas, I will kill you.'

'Now,' Legolas said, getting up, 'we match.'

'It's not my fault that you're bald!' Heather shouted at him.

'I never said it was,' Legolas said. 'You just deserve this.'

'And you deserve -,' Heather began, but she didn't get to finish, for at that moment there was a loud beeping noise.

'AIRTIME IN THIRTY SECONDS!' a metallic voice called out from a nearby speaker.

'Well then,' Heather said.

'What are we going to say?' Amanda practically shrieked. 'We need to have a subject!'

'How about "Why All Elves Should Die: A Poem"?' Heather asked in an angelic tone.

'Elves should die,

Because they suck.

Elves should die,

Those little f-,'

'AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO USE WORDS LIKE THAT AROUND THE HOBBITS!' Amanda screeched.

'I was going to say "fire trucks",' Heather assured her sweetly.

'AIRTIME IN FIVE…FOUR…' the voice exclaimed.

'This isn't going to go well,' Heather predicted.

'TWO…ONE…' the voice was then cut off and there was an eerie silence.

'Hullo!' Pippin suddenly squawked.

'Welcome to…' Amanda said awkwardly.

'Why Elves Suck: the Radio Station.'

'No, welcome to -,'

'Why Candy Floss is Good?'

'No, Pippin, welcome to…erm…' Amanda looked at a poster on the wall and read off the name: 'The Rock Station…'

'Wow,' Heather said gloomily, 'so unique and – LEGOLAS, YOU LITTLE SHIT, DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO CUT OFF MORE OF MY HAIR!'

Legolas had been sneaking up behind her with his knife. He coughed and made some excuse about "checking for infections".

'The topic of today's programme is…' Amanda began.

'FISHSES!' Gollum hissed hopefully.

'No.'

'Fish gutses?'

'No.'

'Fish heads!'

'No, Gollum, it's not about fish,' Amanda sighed. 'And – hey, Heather, don't do that!'

Heather had lifted a huge speaker up and was about to drop it on Legolas' unsuspecting head.

'I was just checking for infections!' Heather said innocently, dropping the speaker with a resounding crunch!

'Everyone be quiet!' Amanda said unhappily.

'I wasn't saying anything…' Aragorn muttered.

'Nor was I!' Boromir grumbled.

'I would like to say that I have been very agreeable lately,' Gimli stated proudly.

'GOLD STAR FOR YOU, GIMLI!' Heather shouted.

'EVERYONE…JUST SHUT UP! WE'RE ON AIR!' Amanda yelled. Suddenly the door to the room opened up, and the person from before entered.

'Guys,' they hissed, 'talk about your topic!'

'Which is…?' Amanda asked hopefully.

'Why the oceans should stop being so heavily fished!' they whispered angrily before slamming the door.

'Fish?' Gollum repeated, a glint in his eye.

'Aaaaand this is going to get bad,' Amanda said with a grimace.

'Oh, we loves fishses!' Gollum proclaimed. 'We eats them and we is happy and we loves them, gollum, especially when they're still wiggling and their scales are all a-slimy and their bones go crunch and the blood is nice and warm!'

'Aaaaand now I'm considering vegetarianism,' Heather said, sticking out her tongue.

'Gollum, shut up,' Amanda groaned. She then started to speak loudly. 'Right, so, the oceans should stop being so heavily fished because…because eventually all the fish will die and -,'

'Oh, goodses!' Gollum bellowed. 'And when the fishses all die, we goes and we eats them, precious!'

'No, Gollum, that's not – that's not even close to – just be quiet!' Amanda said exasperatedly.

'One quick thing – Legolas, I get a bit nervous when you hold your knife like that,' Heather said matter-of-factly as Legolas held his knife like he was preparing to throw it at her.

'EVERYONE JUST – just, just, ergh!' Amanda sighed. 'WHATEVER. The oceans should stop being so heavily fished because fish are people too!'

'Fishses are people?' Gollum questioned confusedly.

'No!'

'But you just said that the fishses -,'

'I GIVE UP!' Amanda decided in frustration as the door swung open again.

'You guys are terrible!' the person practically shouted. 'Get your act together or else!'

They slammed the door again, grumbling as they did so.

'Okay, fine, our topic is about the oceans or some shit, right?' Heather said, trying to take control of the situation.

'AND STOP SWEARING!' the person had poked their head back into the room before shutting the door again.

'Holy sh…eet,' Heather finished lamely. She straightened her shoulders and spoke directly into a microphone. 'So…the oceans are important…and we shouldn't do bad things to them because…they're important. Yeah.'

She coughed a bit.

'Furthermore…um…well, they look cool, and they wouldn't be nearly as cool without some fish in them…'

'But fishses are so tasty!' Gollum squealed.

'Shut your face,' Heather said intelligently. 'Um…so…yeah. The oceans need more fish…or, um, they need to keep the fish that they have and…right. I suggest that the world hosts a…worldwide fish day to honour fish. Yep.'

'And then at the ends of the day, we eats all of the fishses!' Gollum declared.

'GOLLUM, YOU'RE MISSING THE ENTIRE POINT, BRO!' Heather screamed. Suddenly a light started to violently blink on a nearby switchboard. 'That's never a good thing…'

'Um…' Amanda said, delicately tapping the light. There was a crackling noise from a nearby speaker.

'This is terrible!' a woman's voice called out.

'Oh. We appear to have just been phoned by someone,' Heather realised. 'Well…aren't we popular!'

'You are a disgrace to environmentalists!' the woman continued.

'And you're a disgrace to…fish!' Heather shouted into her microphone.

'We loves fish!' Gollum sang.

'You probably don't even know a thing about fish!' Heather cried out, ignoring Gollum.

'I am a marine biologist!' the woman yelled.

'…oh,' Heather said at length. 'Well then…'

Heather then made a split-second decision to end the conversation. She smashed her hand onto the switchboard and broke off the light as well as a few switches. There was a click from the speaker and then silence.

'Erm…technical difficulties,' Heather said awkwardly into the microphone.

'THAT'S IT!' the person was back, and their face was bright red. 'YOU GUYS SUCK AT THIS!'

'Woah there, mister,' Heather said indignantly. 'There's no need to be rude.'

'YOU'RE GOING TO KILL OUR RATINGS!' the person shouted.

'We likes killing things!' Gollum said joyfully.

'SHUT UP YOU…you…?' the person actually noticed what Gollum looked like and frowned. 'You…dog-thing…that can…talk?'

'We is not a dog!' Gollum screeched. 'We is a…a…what is we, precious? I don't know, my love, we don'ts know…'

Gollum then started to scratch his chin attentively as he thought this out.

'Anyways…' the person said, clearing their throat. 'YOU GUYS ARE AWFUL AT THIS, AND I AM SHUTTING. YOU. DOWN!'

They epic-ly smashed their hand down on a glowing red button.

Nothing happened. The button continued to give off red light.

'Um…' the person said slowly, tapping the button again. 'What…w-why isn't this working?'

'I guess I'm not the only who has their epic moments ruined,' Heather said thoughtfully as the person became more and more agitated.

'WHY AREN'T YOU WORKING?!' the person screamed at the switchboard, as if they wanted an answer. Swearing loudly, the looked at the wires that connected it to a nearby wall outlet and – 'WHO CUT THESE WIRES?!'

'Oops,' Heather said, 'I think that happened when Boromir's sword dropped…'

'WHY – HOW – THIS…why do you even have a sword?!' the person was seething with rage.

'Why not?' Heather grinned.

The person was about to reply when suddenly they tripped over a nearby speaker. They fell onto a switchboard which caused heavy metal to start blaring in the studio. The speaker fell onto Gollum as he was deciding that he probably wasn't a bird.

'WE IS IN PAIN!' Gollum growled over the loud music. He scuttled away from underneath the speaker and, in rage, started to bash his head off of a switchboard.

'STOP THAT!' the person roared at him as several more music tracks started to play loudly.

Legolas was keeled over on the ground, clutching at his elf-ears as Heather looked at him with the glint of victory in her eyes. She went over to a close by speaker and turned up the volume before bringing it over to him and holding it above his head. Gollum was still going berserk, and was attempting to behead the stranger with a microphone when suddenly the world became eerily quiet and dark.

'This is useless,' Heather said, still holding onto the speaker which had now fallen silent. She dropped it on Legolas' head and scurried to hide behind Boromir.

'My ears hurt,' Amanda groaned, clutching at her head.

'Preeeeetty sure Legolas is worse off than you right now,' Heather said astutely as the elf rolled onto his back in pain.

'Elfs is in pain? We is in pain, gollum! Nasty, fat man dropped a nasty, fat box on us, precious!' Gollum hissed.

'Why do you describe everything you don't like as "nasty" and "fat"?' Heather asked.

'Shuts up, nasty, fat girl,' Gollum said at length.

'I've heard snappier comebacks from a bowl of Rice Krispies!' Heather snapped.

The Fellowship remained silent as they tried to figure out what this meant.

'Never mind,' Heather groaned eventually, collapsing onto the ground.

…Volunteer at a Retirement Home!

(suggested by Lotr4eva and daddys number 1 girl)

…Encounter Another Old Lady!

(suggested by MysticRoseDrop)

'My ears are dead,' Legolas groaned.

'So is my hair,' Heather replied icily.

'Everyone's hair is dead, seeing as it's made up of dead cells,' Amanda said.

'Ta gueule!' commanded Heather.

'What?' Amanda asked.

'Hey, Lego, how does your head feel?' Heather questioned the elf, ignoring Amanda.

'It's in pain too, seeing as you dropped a…box on it,' Legolas snapped.

'It was just a speaker,' Heather replied sweetly.

'If I wasn't in so much pain, I'd go over and slit your throat,' Legolas hissed.

'Ooh, I'm shaking in my boots,' Heather said sarcastically.

'You mean your extremely ugly flip-flops?' Legolas reminded her.

'Shut…shut up,' Heather mumbled huffily.

Then the world became light.

'MMMregreeeef,' Heather groaned, rolling onto her face.

'WHASSAT?' a loud voice shouted at her.

'My eeeeears,' Legolas complained.

'WHASSAT?'

'WHY ARE YOU YELLI-,' Heather began, looking up. She stopped when she saw that a pair of eyes nearly the size of her hands were staring back at her through thick glasses. 'Um…'

'YOU'VE GOT TO SPEAK LOUDER, DEAR, I CAN'T HEAR VERY WELL!' the person (a very balding woman) shouted at the top of her lungs.

'Why are you - ,' Legolas started before noticing the old woman. He screamed and curled into a ball.

'Niiiice,' Heather said with a nod.

'Legolas, you're giving the Elves a bad name,' Aragorn told his friend. He also noticed the old lady and burst into tears.

'BE OFF WITH YOU, YOU VILE OLD LADY!' Boromir roared, attempting to be brave.

'WHASSAT?' the old lady croaked. It was at this point that Boromir noticed her cane.

With a screech he ran off, collided into a wall, and was knocked out cold.

'WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?' the old lady asked.

'Don't ask,' Amanda sighed.

'WHY IS HE JUST LAYING ON THE GROUND LIKE THAT?'

'He's…' Heather trailed off.

'PUT HIM ON THE COUCH BEFORE HE DROOLS ON THE CARPET!' the woman decided before hobbling out of the small, plain room.

'I can't lift him; he's too fat,' Heather said defiantly to her shadow as it slipped away.

'Just leave him; he might as well drool on the carpet instead of the couch,' Amanda pointed out.

'Right…but he looks kind of suspicious,' Heather said. Her eyes drifted towards a nearby lamp. 'Wait. I have an idea.'

Two minutes later and Boromir's back was pushed up against the wall, and a lampshade was covering his face. They had found some tape underneath the couch (Pippin was on the ground for some reason and had retrieved it), so Boromir wasn't going to be coming off of the wall anytime soon.

'There. Now he's an unsuspicious lamp,' Heather said proudly.

'This looks really sketchy, Heather,' Amanda said with a frown.

'How so?'

'He's unconscious and taped to the wall with a lampshade on his head.'

'I've seen worse,' Heather said with a shrug.

'…I'm not even going to ask,' Amanda sighed.

Just then a very preppy-looking woman burst into the small room. Her wide smile faltered a bit when she saw Boromir.

'Um…?' she said sweetly, trying to peer around Heather to get a better look at the taped man. Heather stepped more in front of him and coughed. The woman raised an eyebrow but didn't comment. 'You must be our volunteers!'

'That might not be a good thing,' Amanda commented, staring at Legolas and Aragorn who were now both sobbing into the carpet.

'Are…are they okay?' the woman asked worriedly.

'Oh yeah, they do this all the time,' Heather responded lightly.

'Oh…well, welcome to Oldie Age!' the woman said with a grin.

'You've got to be kidding me,' Heather groaned.

'We are a friendly senior's residence!' the woman continued. 'My name is Amanda and -,'

'NOT AGAAAAIN!' Heather roared. 'This was confusing enough last time!'

'P-pardon?' the woman (Amanda) asked.

'D'you have a middle name?' Heather questioned hopefully.

'Well, y-yes, but -,'

'What is it?' Heather interrupted impatiently.

'Sam.'

'WELL THAT ISN'T GOING TO WORK EITHER!' Heather screeched as Sam reacted to the woman having the same name as him. 'Fiiiiine. We'll just call you Amanda-Two, kay?'

'But we already know an Amanda-Two!' Pippin realised.

'FINE. CALL HER WHATEVER YOU LIKE!'

'I still like the name BS,' Pippin said with a smile.

'How about Preppy-Miss-Stuff?' Heather suddenly suggested. 'PM-,'

'You are terrible lately, you know that?' Amanda interjected quickly. She turned to the second Amanda. 'What's your last name?'

'Uh…Smith,' the Amanda replied, her smile gone.

'Wow, really complex name choices, black box!' Heather commented, staring at the ceiling.

'R-right…' Smith said slowly. From across the room, Boromir woke up with a start and yelled briefly.

'I knew we should've taped his mouth,' Heather said under her breath.

'Is he alright?' Smith asked. 'I mean…he's taped to a wall and he looks like a lamp!'

'ARE THE OLD PEOPLE GONE?!' Boromir the lamp shouted.

'DID THAT LAMP JUST TALK?!' Heather yelled loudly. 'GOOD GOD! SOMEBODY…CALL THE PRESS!'

'Are you o-,' Smith said, starting towards Boromir. She then noticed Gollum. She screamed.

'Would. You. Refrain. From. DOING. THAT?!' Legolas complained loudly, apparently done crying.

'A MUTANT DOG!' Smith shrieked, ignoring the elf.

'WE IS NOT A DOG!' Gollum bellowed. 'Why do they always calls us "dogses", precious? We don'ts know, my love!'

'It…talks,' Smith mumbled, looking faint.

'AH, would you look at the time!' Heather said, staring at her bare wrist. 'We must get going or else…we'll be late for…that thing…'

'You mustn't leave!' Smith said, steadying herself.

'We mustn't?' Heather asked in a falsetto tone.

'You still need to stay and volunteer with the elderly,' Smith explained.

'NO!' Aragorn shouted, getting to his feet. 'JUST…NO!'

'Why do you have a sword?' Smith queried.

'Wow, you are noticing everything,' Heather commented. 'Most people just noticed Gollum. Mind you, he's pretty hard to not notice.'

'We hates you,' Gollum said thickly.

'Aren't you here to volunteer?' Smith asked bewilderedly.

'I actually have no idea,' Heather said with a shrug. 'We kinda just…arrived here.'

'I DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND OLD PEOPLE!' Aragorn yelled, making sure that everyone heard him.

'Yeah, we sort of have some people here who fear old people,' Heather explained.

'I assure you all, the people who live here are very kind,' Smith said. 'Now, come with me. L-leave behind those weapons, please.'

Nobody listened to the last remark, but they followed her out of the room. Aragorn and Legolas both had to be dragged and threatened, which made Smith look even more confused and intimidated. Boromir was left behind.

'Why can't I see anything?' Boromir asked the empty room. 'And…why am I stuck to a wall?'

X

'Nooooooooooooo,' Legolas squealed as Heather dragged him by his leg into a room full of elderly people. 'NO NO NO NO NOO.'

'CALM YOUR SHIT, ELF-BOY!' Heather instructed him wisely before slamming his leg back onto the ground.

'WHASSAT?' the old lady from before screamed from her plaid chair.

'Euugh,' Aragorn mumbled before grabbing Legolas and using him as a shield.

'Nice,' Heather sighed.

'Everyone, listen up!' Smith said, standing in the centre of the room. She was holding a few boxes and a smile was now plastered onto her face. 'Game time!'

There were groans across the room, mingled with the 'WHASSAT?''s of the lady.

'These are new volunteers,' Smith continued, 'so please make them feel welcome. Alright, now choose a board game and let's play!'

Smith then started to happily pass out games.

'If we run for it now,' Heather muttered to Amanda, 'd'you think we'd get away without being seen?'

'Heather, the…the black box obviously wants us to do this!' Amanda scolded.

'Yeah, but Aragorn and Legolas obviously don't,' Heather reminded her.

'When was the last time that you cared about their wellbeing?'

Heather thought for a bit. 'Right.'

She then grabbed Aragorn's arm and attempted to yank him to his feet. He proved too heavy though, and she only caused him to fall onto Legolas' head. 'Oi. Scared-peeps. Up on your feet. Let's meet some friends!'

'I don't want to meet any fr-,' Legolas started bitterly, but Heather yanked him from Aragorn before he could finish and tossed him into the crowd of elderly people.

'You'd be next, but you're too fat,' Heather explained. She then repeatedly kicked Aragorn in the back.

'What are you doing?!' he complained.

'Making you move your ass.'

'Well it's not working, is it?' Aragorn replied slyly. Heather stared at him and then disappeared into the crowd. She came back with a bespectacled man clutching at a game of Scrabble.

'Here. He doesn't have a cane or anything…and he's not a lady,' Heather said. 'Now go.'

Aragorn saw the reason in this and got up. He trailed behind the old man, holding the handle of his sword as he went.

The rest of the group were starting to pair up with the elderly too, except for Legolas who was curled up on the ground, clutching at his eyes. He was constantly getting stepped on, which made his suspicions about the elderly strengthen. Eventually, though, there was only one elderly person left. Legolas looked upwards.

'What's up with your hair?' she asked.

It was then that he noticed her cane and her pale eyes. He screamed.

'THE PET STORE LADY!' he hollered at the top of his lungs. Nobody noticed because of the babble around him (which was assembled by many "Back in my day"'s and "WHASSAT?"'s).

'YOU!' the woman shrieked as she remembered him. She lifted her cane up and hit him in the leg.

'I HATE THE ELDERLY!' Legolas shouted. The old lady prepared to hit him again, but just then Smith popped up.

'Gladys, what have I told you about beating up the volunteers?' Smith asked as if talking to a child.

'This one deserved it!' the old lady, Gladys, hissed through her teeth.

'Now, here, take this game and go sit someplace,' Smith said, handing Gladys a box. 'I want you to be both on speaking terms in half an hour!'

'She's going to kill me!' Legolas told Smith.

'Nonsense,' Smith said, shaking her head. 'The worst she's ever done was send someone to the hospital with a broken arm.'

'That one deserved it too,' Gladys mumbled.

Smith then walked away, leaving Legolas to his fate.

Meanwhile, the rest of The Fellowship was having some difficult times too. Gollum was mistaken for a dog again (which made him extremely angry, and he spent the next few minutes bashing his head with a lamp as a dog loving old woman tried to feed him treats), Gimli was stuck with an old man who was intent on not talking at all, Amanda was caught up in a heated argument between two old twin sisters, Heather was grudgingly playing Go Fish using Uno cards, Aragorn was still suspicious of the old man (he also didn't grasp the concept of Scrabble), and the hobbits were all in a group with friendly old men who spoke entirely in inside jokes. It wasn't very fun for any of them.

'Do you have a one?' Heather asked, clenching her jaw.

'WHASSAT?' the old lady yelled.

'DO YOU HAVE A ONE?!' Heather shouted.

'DO I HAVE FUN?'

Heather, remembering the old-lady-grocery-store-incident, ground her teeth in order to refrain from yelling.

Aragorn wasn't doing so well either. Scrabble was very complex to him, and the old man kept on rejecting his words (such as "Arathorn", "Rivendell", and "Eru"). He was getting so fed up that eventually he just stopped playing and let the old man put down words for him. He was beginning to feel that old people were boring instead of dangerous.

Then he saw Legolas getting whacked over the head by a cane as he attempted to play a board game with an old lady.

'THAT'S NOT HOW YOU SHUFFLE CARDS!' she bellowed.

Aragorn sunk low into his seat and grabbed hold of his sword again.

Meanwhile, the hobbits were sitting up against a wall, feeling very bored. A board game, still in its box, lay unused nearby. Their old people were talking to each other very loudly and were constantly laughing.

'Um,' Frodo said at length, 'do you want to actually play the game?'

They all stopped and stared at him.

'What type of game?' one of the men asked in a low tone. The others around him burst into laughter and slapped him on the back.

'Is…is it green?' another man asked between giggles. Another wave of laughter passed over the men as they all shouted: 'GOOD 'UN, FRED!'

'I'm very confused,' Sam sighed.

'LIKE MARTHA!' one man howled, and the rest guffawed.

'This isn't -,' Merry began, but at that moment Boromir burst into the room.

He still had a lampshade on his head, and his torso was covered in tape. He tripped, fell, and rolled a bit into the room.

'Nice entrance,' Heather grumbled as Boromir came to a halt. The lampshade fell off of his face, letting him see all of the old people. He screamed.

'Are you alright?' Smith asked, running up to him. She attempted to help Boromir up, but the tape had attached to the carpet and he was stuck.

'WHAT'S HAPPENING?' Heather's old lady asked.

'He's stuck,' Heather told her.

'WHASSAT?!'

'Oh, never mind!' Heather cried out grimly. 'You're as deaf as a bat. Wait. No. I got that saying wrong…'

As Heather tried to figure this out, Gollum got completely fed up with trying to be fed dog treats. He jumped away from the woman and ran up the carpeted wall and onto the carpeted ceiling.

'So,' meanwhile, Gimli was still trying to get his partner to talk, 'how's life?'

No answer.

'I like your…beard?'

No answer.

'I used to have a beard…'

Silence.

'It was a really nice beard…'

No reply.

'Right, well,' Gimli said, straightening up, 'seeing as you don't want to talk, I think I'll just…go someplace else.'

Suddenly there was a horrid screech. Gollum's claws had gotten stuck in the carpeted ceiling, and the carpet was slowing caving in under his weight.

'Oooh dear,' Amanda sighed.

'YOUR DOG IS PULLING DOWN THE CEILING!' Smith yelled frantically.

'Technically he's not a dog, and technically he's only pulling down the carpet,' Heather pointed out.

'WHASSAT?'

'NEVER MIND.'

'EVACUATE THE ROOM!' Smith shouted importantly. 'EVACUATION!'

People started to get up, actually looking genuinely excited that something different was happening.

'I never liked that carpet anyways,' Gladys huffed, hitting Legolas on the head once more before walking out of the room.

'WE IS STUCK!' Gollum shrieked. His feet slipped off so that only his arms were holding him onto the carpet.

'WE NEED TO GET HIM DOWN!' Smith bellowed, fetching a broom from a closet. She then started to hit Gollum with it.

'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?' Amanda yelled.

'He's not a piñata,' Heather said helpfully.

There was a ripping noise, and Gollum fell to the floor. The centre of the carpet was only a metre away from the ground.

'WE EATS YOU, NASTY, FAT GIRL!' Gollum roared, charging at Smith.

'I DON'T LIKE DOGS!' Smith screeched, getting chased out of the room by Gollum.

'He's not a -,' Heather began, but then the lights went out.

There was a thud. Apparently Gollum had been transported whilst running.

'We isn't a dog,' he huffed.

'My. Head.' Legolas moaned, falling onto his back. 'I want to go home. This world is too much for me. I don't think I can last any longer.'

'Hang in there, bro,' Heather said sympathetically.

'You don't ever help me,' Legolas pointed out.

'Right, well, at least I give you some moral support,' Heather said before settling down and trying to sleep. 'If anyone does anything to me while I fall asleep – even if you cut even a little bit more of my hair – I will eat you. G'night.'

…Work at a Nuclear Power Plant!

(suggested by Lotr4eva)

Heather woke up with all of her hair that still remained intact. The others were sound asleep except for Pippin, who was singing to himself.

'Don't you ever sleep?' Heather asked him groggily.

'I have soooo much more energy in this world,' Pippin said happily.

'Good for you,' Heather said. She yawned and fell back onto the ground. Suddenly the world became a bit lighter. 'Oh…looks like we've been transported.'

She got up and looked around. They were in what seemed like a large, metal warehouse. There were several signs around them all saying "DANGEROUS – RADIOACTIVE" and "TOXIC" and "DANGER!"

'This looks like a friendly place,' Heather said jokingly.

'Look!' Pippin exclaimed, pointing to a large red button with a label reading "Please don't press."

'Erm, Pippin,' Heather said, staring at their surroundings, 'don't press that.'

Pippin pressed the button.

Loud alarm bells sounded, and nearby doors shut and fused to their frames.

'HOLY SHIT, WHAT DID YOU DOOOO?' Heather shrieked as a countdown began.

'I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW!' Pippin shouted, running frantically about.

'What's happening?' Amanda asked hazily, waking up.

'FIVE…FOUR…THREE…'

'I DON'T WANT TO DIE Y-,' Heather started, but then they were transported back into the dark room. Amanda seemed to be the only one who had woken up.

'Holy. Shit.' Heather breathed out as she dropped to the ground. 'I think that nearly stopped my heart.'

She rounded on Pippin. 'YOU ARE AN IDIOT!'

'It was shiny,' Pippin pouted before sitting in a corner with his arms crossed.

'What just happened?' Amanda asked in a confused tone.

'The black box has a sick, sick, sick sense of humour!' Heather snapped before rolling onto her side and trying to fall back asleep.

…Goes to a Zoo!

(suggested by Lotr4eva, Midnight Archer 13, and Petaldawn)

'I'm still really confused…'

'Drop it,' Heather grumbled, 'and let me go back to sleep, Amanda.'

'Were we transported?'

'No.'

'Yes we were!'

'Then why did you a-,'

'Where were we?'

'How should I kn-,'

'Why were there alarms?'

'ASK PIPPIN!' Heather roared. Everyone who was sleeping jumped and made noises. 'Wow. That woke them up, but the alarms didn't?'

'Why were there alarms?' Amanda questioned Pippin.

'I pressed a button,' Pippin explained. 'Then things went bad, but not really bad. Heather is overreacting.'

'YOU CAUSED A NUCLEAR EXPLOSION!' Heather shouted.

'I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS!' Pippin yelled back.

'You…you caused a nuclear explosion?' Amanda asked faintly.

'I didn't mean to,' Pippin said, trying to act sweet.

'What's a nuclear expl-,' Aragorn began.

'Don't. Ask.' Heather told him slowly. Then the world grew viciously bright. 'I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO FALL BACK ASLEEEEEEP!'

'Heather, calm down,' Amanda instructed her as she stared to tear out her remaining hair.

'YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT I WAS DONE BACK AT THAT MOVIE THEATRE WHEN GOLLUM BROKE THE PROJECTOR -,'

'We didn't means to,' Gollum muttered.

' – BUT I'M SO DONE RIGHT NOW AND I JUST W-,' suddenly, Heather started to scream. 'LION. LION. HOLY SHIT.'

She quickly took off at a run and tripped over Frodo.

'Heather?' Amanda said with a frown.

'RUN. EVERYBODY RUN.'

'It's behind glass.'

Heather looked again. It was behind glass.

She cleared her throat. 'I knew that.'

'You're uptight, huh?' Amanda commented, getting up from the ground.

'You would be too if you just experienced a nuclear catastrophe,' Heather grumbled. 'So where are we, anyways?'

'Well…' Amanda said slowly, rolling her eyes. 'Seeing as we're looking at a lion behind glass, I think we're at a zoo.'

Heather looked around. There was plenty of rolling grassy hills behind them, with a few fenced enclosures off in the distance. There was a large trail that they were situated on, and several pens were lined up along it. This one was very fortified, with stone walls that framed the strong glass.

'You might be right,' Heather said.

'WHAT'S THAT?!' Pippin shrieked, just noticing the lion.

'It's a cat,' Amanda clarified before Heather could say anything stupid. 'A really big cat.'

'Why is it so big?' Pippin asked in awe.

'It ate too much candy floss and got fat,' Heather explained bitterly.

'Lucky,' Pippin sighed. 'I'm bored now.'

'I'm sure that there are plenty more animals to see,' Amanda assured him. 'Let's go.'

They all walked down the trail until they reached the next exhibit. It was located in a large tunnel and was a display of various snakes, each separated by cement walls.

'What's thaaaat?' Pippin asked enthusiastically, pressing his face up against what seemed to be a glass tank with a bit of sand, decorations, and nothing else.

'A plastic cactus,' Amanda said, 'and…nothing else, I guess.'

Suddenly a black and yellow snake leapt up from the bottom of the tank. It had been covered completely in dry grass. Pippin screamed and fell over. 'WHAT'S THAAAAT?!'

'A Desert Kingsnake,' Heather told him.

'For real?' Amanda asked. Heather nodded. 'Wow. How did you know that?'

'I…read the sign?' Heather said, giving Amanda a look. Amanda then noticed the huge sign above the tank.

'O-oh,' Amanda mumbled.

'See? You need glasses,' Heather said, sticking out her tongue.

'What's thaaaat?' Pippin asked, pointing to a very large snake.

'That'd be a Boa Constrictor, bro,' Heather said.

'What does it do?' Pippin questioned.

'It grabs your leg and pulls you down to the ground where it squeezes you until your brain pops out of your eye sockets,' Heather clarified. Pippin gulped.

'Are they common?' he asked worriedly.

'Yep,' Heather said. 'Oh, look at that snake!'

Pippin turned and at that moment, Heather grabbed his leg. Pippin squealed, shouting, 'THE BOA CONTRADICTOR HAS GOT ME!' as he collapsed to the ground.

'Boa Contradictor?' Heather giggled, letting go of Pippin. 'Niiice, Pip.'

Pippin, not realising the joke, continued to wail, 'IT'LL SQUEEZE OUT MY BRAINS!'

'Don't worry, you have none,' Heather said sweetly before walking to another tank. 'Ooh, look, a viper.'

Pippin, realising that he wasn't actually in danger, stumbled to his feet and coughed. Merry giggled at him.

'An Eyelash Viper,' Amanda read from a sign. 'Cool.'

'REVENGE!' Pippin suddenly shouted. He sprang at the tank with his fists and pounded at the glass, attempting to release the snake.

Nothing happened.

'Pippin's strength meets Plexiglas!' Heather commented cheerfully as Pippin groaned in pain.

'MY HAND IS BLEEDING AGAAAAIN!' Pippin shouted, waving his hand again.

'Maybe you should stop cutting it open,' Heather said astutely.

'Where's this snake?' Sam abruptly asked, pointing to an empty tank.

'Probably hiding underneath some dried grass,' Heather said, walking over to the exhibit. She then noticed a large crack in the glass and put two and two together. 'Oh. I hope this one wasn't poisonous…'

She looked up at the sign. '"Massasauga Rattlesnake – a venomous pitviper found in the US, Mexico, and parts of Ontario"…well then.'

She then spoke very loudly. 'Hey everyone, let's go see that exhibit down the path!'

'But we haven-,' Amanda began, but then she too noticed the hole in the glass. 'Oh. Yeah. Let's all go quickly, everyone!'

'But we likes the snakeses!' Gollum complained as Heather and Amanda guided The Fellowship quickly away from the scene.

'Yeah, but the "snakeses" don't like you,' Heather muttered.

'Maybe they do!' Gollum said.

'They'd like to eat your flesh,' Heather relented. 'For you, that must seem like a great friendship.'

'We hates you,' Gollum hissed.

'Hey, look! A zebra!' Amanda said, pointing to a grassy enclosure where a very fat zebra stood eating grass.

'WOW!' Pippin shrieked, running up to the fence. 'What is that?!'

'A…a zebra, Pippin. She just said that,' Heather sighed.

'A…what?'

'Zebra, Pip.'

'What?'

'Zeh-bra. Or zee-bra if you're an American.'

'What's an American?' Boromir asked.

'I'm not Google,' Heather said, annoyed. 'Stop asking me these random questions.'

'What's a Goo-,'

'ASK AMANDA!' Heather told him exasperatedly before stomping off to the fence to look at the zebra.

'What's a Google?' Boromir asked Amanda.

'A…thing,' Amanda said knowledgably.

'WHAT DOES IT DOOO?' Pippin suddenly screamed, pointing at the zebra.

'Erm…eat?' Heather responded. 'Kind of like you.'

'It's not like me!' Pippin said defiantly.

'On a scale of one to ten on the How Much is Pippin like a Zebra scale, I'd say that the likeness is a solid eight.'

'I'd say a three,' Pippin exclaimed unhappily. 'Or a two. Not an eight!'

'Suuure,' Heather said, waving her hand. Suddenly, the zebra fell over. 'Oh…oh dear…'

'IS IT DEAD?!' Pippin screeched, leaning back up against the fence.

'GOLLUM!' Amanda suddenly shrieked. 'STOP THAT!'

Gollum had snuck into the enclosure and had pulled the extremely fat zebra to the ground. He was currently trying to fit its enormous leg into his mouth.

'But we wants it!' Gollum whined. The zebra made a confused noise. 'Shuts up, horse!'

'I'll handle this,' Heather said coolly. She hopped the fence and started towards the zebra. She then screamed and was quickly back over the fence. 'I FOUND THE RATTLESNAKE.'

She pointed to a portion of tall grass with a snake tail poking out of it.

'Precious, p'hraps we should eats the snake instead,' Gollum muttered to himself. 'Yes, yes! Much easier to fit in our mouthses!'

'GOLLUM, NO.' Amanda yelled at him as he left the zebra alone and crawled towards where the snake was.

'BUT WE IS HUNGRY!' Gollum wailed.

'YOU ATE AT THE THEME PARK!' Heather reminded him.

'BUT THAT WAS SO LONG AGO, PRECIOUS!' Gollum howled.

'Gollum, we'll get you some food here, just get away from the snake!' Amanda offered desperately as the snake started to rattle its tail.

'We'll only leave if you promise us fresh fishses,' Gollum said snobbishly.

'I promise you fish.'

'Fresh fish, precious.'

'Yes, fresh fish. Now come back over the fence!'

Gollum huffed and walked around the snake. He climbed grudgingly over the railing and plopped down onto the path.

'Somebody should go help that zebra,' Merry said, staring at the bloated creature. It was struggling to roll back onto its feet.

'Fine,' Heather muttered. 'Oh, wait.'

The zebra successfully regained its footing and brayed proudly.

'Let's go to the next place,' Heather said. 'This is getting kind of depressing.'

They went down the path again. There were some peacocks aimlessly wandering along it.

'WHAT'S THAAAAAT?!' Pippin squealed, staring at the magnificent birds.

'A peacock,' Legolas said blandly.

'They have those in Middle-earth?' Heather asked, amazed.

'Yep,' Legolas said.

'CAN I RIDE ONE?!' Pippin asked hopefully.

'No,' Amanda replied flatly.

'But I wan-,'

'Nope.'

'Merry's doing it!'

'No he-,' Amanda said, but she then noticed Merry attempting to clamber onto a peacock. 'Merry, do not do that!'

It was too late. The bird squawked and attempted to bite Merry in the face. Merry shouted and fell down, where the peacock then proceeded to jump on him.

'Um,' Heather said, watching the peacock repeatedly pounce on Merry as the other birds seemed to be cheering their friend on. 'This looks…weird…'

'IT HAS CLAWS!' Merry yelled.

'I think you mean talons, bro,' Heather said. She then started to giggle. 'You look like you're being used as a trampoline.'

'GET OFF!' Merry howled, but at that moment the peacocks screeched and started to hurry away from the group. Gollum was chasing them. 'Good job, Gollum!'

'GOLLUM, GET BACK HERE!' Amanda bellowed, but Gollum didn't seem to hear. He kept on running down the path, even after the peacocks veered off of it. 'Great. Let's go after him!'

She then started to run after the creature, followed by the rest. Merry was hunched over.

'My stomach is going to be bruised now,' he complained bitterly.

'Next time don't try to ride the giant bird, or else you'll become the bird equivalent to a bouncy castle,' Heather instructed him.

'What d-,' Merry began, but then he fell silent as the group ran into a very dark tunnel, illuminated by an aquarium with bright lights shaped like seashells. The tank itself was situated in the middle of the room, and clusters of people were around it.

'This is going to be bad,' Amanda moaned.

'Why?' Heather panted, a bit winded from running.

'We've lost Gollum somewhere near a large tank of fish.'

'Oh. Right.'

The tank was full of brightly coloured fish and one long shark. The shark seemed disinterested by the small colourful fish, and was more intent on the person near the brim of the tank. They were at the top of a ladder and were holding a large dead fish.

'Who's excited for shark feeding time?!' they shouted. The crowd roared.

'The chances of finding Gollum in here are slim to none,' Heather said to Amanda. Amanda nodded and groaned.

'Countdown time!' the person yelled. 'Five…four…three…'

Then, as Heather would put it, "the shit hit the fan in large quantities."

Gollum sprang up out of the gloom on the ladder. The ladder itself slipped, and the person holding the dead fish fell face-first into the salty aquarium water. The ladder slid down the side of the tank, causing a large crack to appear. Water started to burst out of it with the added pressure of a full-grown adult and hobbit-mutant (Gollum had jumped in too) inside of the tank. The shark had grabbed hold of the dead fish, but was having a fight over it with Gollum, who had sunk his sparse teeth into the head of it and was intent on not letting go. The worker in the tank was desperately trying to claw their way out of the tank, and ended up kicking one of the seashell lights. The circuit for the light broke, causing the rest of the lights to go out too. The entire tunnel was plunged into darkness.

There was pandemonium. People were screaming and running into walls, water was coming out more and more, and all sense of direction was lost.

Suddenly there was a loud CRACK! The room fell into silence.

'Oh dear,' a voice sighed. Then there was a shattering noise like a thousand mirrors being dropped. People resumed screaming as glass and water rushed across the room. The tank had apparently completely smashed.

'HOOOOLY SHIT!' Heather screeched as icy water, shards of glass, and wriggling fish swept over her flip-flops. 'THIS IS BAD!'

Suddenly, someone in the room remembered that their phone had a flashlight. They flicked it on and illuminated the tunnel, just in time to cause more panic as the shark rocketed itself off of the floor and into the air, taking Gollum along for the ride.

'OH N-,' Amanda began as the shark and Gollum started to fall onto a group of horror-stricken teens. Then the world turned grey.

'Nasty, fat fish has the rest of the fishses, but we still has the headses!' Gollum said to the group. No one said anything. 'We eats the brain now!'

There was a long silence, interrupted only by Gollum's loud chewing and the occasional whimper.

'That…' Heather said at length. '…that…was bad.'

'I'm so drained,' Amanda groaned, sinking onto the floor. 'So…so drained.'

'So let's see,' Heather started shakily, 'not only have we caused a nuclear disaster…AHEM, PIPPIN…but we also just caused an entire tunnel full of people to get skin lacerations and possible bites depending on how hungry the shark still is…'

'Not to mention the other damage we've done,' Amanda pointed out grimly.

'We is done eating,' Gollum said proudly, and then burped.

'Gollum I – I…I hope that you never, ever do something like that again,' Heather said slowly. 'People could have died!'

'And then we could have eats them!' Gollum realised.

'I'm going to sleep,' Legolas suddenly stated.

The rest of the room agreed grimly. Heather collapsed onto the ground.

'The dark room is getting lighter,' she pointed out. 'Soon we'll have to start calling it the light room.'

The rest of the group grunted in acknowledgement.

'Well…g'night,' Heather said before turning onto her side and closing her eyes.

So gaaaah, that was a long chapter. Hopefully you guys liked it a bit :D I'm not going to update super soon after this chapter because a) this chapter was draining to write and b) this chapter will take y'all awhile to read. Writing normal chapters will seem so easy now that I've written this huge chapter.

HERE ARE THE CHAPTER STATISTICS BASED ON THE ONES THAT MY WORD PROCESSOR IS GIVING ME:

Minutes spent writing/editing this: 2 823 (47.05 hours :O) (1.9 daysss!)

Character amount (with spaces): 173 863

Word amount: 30 071

Page amount (in Word): 95

File size: 129KB

This chapter has enough words to be a chaptered-fanfic. Ye gods.

Guys, get this – THIS FANFIC IS 50% COMPLETED! Dusgfigufgwauihfihwihrihwsodjsfljslfla wow

Alsooo, because this chapter is so big, I might have missed some grammatical/word errors (I've edited it lots but I still have probably missed some stuff xD) So if you see a glaring mistake, you can tell me if you'd be so kind, and I'll gladly fix it :D

So hopefully you guys liked this chapter, even though it was late, Pippin was OOC, and Legolas whined a lot. Read and review! Have fun! See you soon!