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Peyton didn't know how long they had been laying there for, just the two of them wrapped up in each other. Probably a good hour or two to say the least. She had found herself inconsolable and every time she tried to stop sobbing it would come back again even greater than before like a sickness. She had been unaware that she had fallen into some sort of micro sleep.

'he raped me'

'Peyton why didn't you…I would've'

'Save it…just leave it's what your good at'

'I'm not leaving you Peyton not this time'

With that last thought her emerald eyes snapped open before taking in her surroundings and she only tensed more the realization that she was in a hospital room with Lucas's arms banded firmly around her waist.

Her breathing becoming erratic as everything suddenly became too much too soon. To overwhelming how was she letting him worm his way back in again. It just wasn't FUCKING RIGHT. She didn't need Lucas fawning over her like some damsel in distress, she just didn't she could take care of herself…it's what she had been doing for years.

Her eyes started watering, she didn't need or want him here. She sat up wincing as the pain ripped through her abdomen, stifling a sob she tore out the drip that was in her arm and started unplugging any bit of wire attached to her in sight. Until she accidentally ripped out a wire that she wasn't supposed to and the alarm on her heart monitor started to go off.

But she didn't care she just wanted, no needed to get away from Lucas Scott she had already told him to much and she was not willing to open her heart up again to have it stomped on.

She got up to quickly and before she knew it she was on the floor her head feeling like an elephant sitting on it and her a fiery pain consuming her stemming from her stomach. The alarm shrieked loudly and all Peyton so desperately wanted to do was cover her ears and make it stop but the pain in her stomach only grew worse.

The tears had started to fall down her face, coming fast as she let out an ear piercing shriek banding her arms around her stomach as gently as she could. Before she could register she felt steady arms banding around her and looked up to be met with the look of worried blue orbs. God it hurt so much…

The door burst open and in came a nurse and doctor. "Hello Miss Sawyer there will be no getting out bed for you in probably about a week you haven't fully healed" The doctor said as Lucas and the nurse helped her back in bed as she gritted her teeth to prevent another scream from erupting. "No…you don't understand I can't be here I gotta go" she tried as mere desperation laced her tone.

"I'm sorry Miss Sawyer but that's the way it supposed to be" The doctor shrugged, suddenly a weird noise came from the little black object that could only be said to be a pager. "There's been a body just wheeled in from the school, gunshot victim it's to be taken straight to the morgue. Peyton practically felt herself tense up, and a sinking feeling begun to take over her. She looked at Lucas whose eyes had become far off in thought.

She found comfort in her room for the next hour, as Lucas sat still in his own thoughts. Just by glancing at him she could tell there was something on his mind as soon as the doctors had left he'd gone of to get a drink of water saying his throat was dry.

And had returned roughly about twenty minutes later his complexion pale and eyes void of any emotion.

Then he sat in the chair and hadn't moved since. It was really starting to scare her she wasn't use to seeing Lucas like this, the way she saw it she had two options she could either, A just block it out and pretend he wasn't there or B break the silence...she decided on option B.

"Luke...what's wrong?" she asked in a shy timid voice. His eyes shifted to hers slowly and the look it held scared her more than she could ever knew and she felt her heart speed up automatically. But then his eyes shifted to those of sad ones as his eyes started to glisten with un-shed tears. "It's Keith...his dead" he said glumly as his eyes glazed over in tears, to say she was shocked was an understatement she didn't know what to say or how to say it, her eyes cast down as she begun to choose her words carefully.

"I'm Sorry" was all she said and all she found that she could say at that moment in time.

"You should be fucking sorry Peyton" he sneered through clenched teeth and that hate that she had seen before was back right where it belonged. Directed towards her. She knew it was her fault and he was right to blame her, but hearing the words coming from his mouth didn't make it any easier. She closed her eyes as the tears begun to slide down her pale cheeks, "I know" she whimpered out in a small voice.

His breathing was heavy as if he was trying to keep himself under control. She had never seen Lucas like this before. So angry and if she thought that he hated her before know she knew for sure he did. "NO YOU DON'T, THIS WAS YOU IF YOU HADN'T OF BEEN BEING SO DIFFICULT WITH ALL OF US FROM THE BEGINNING THEN MAYBE MY UNCLE WOULDN'T BE DEAD!" He cried as tears of anguish begun to slide down his cheeks.

She shook her head at the sight of his turmoil begun to haunt her, the pain of his words becoming to much for her to handle and it threatened to drive her wild. She needed to make him stop.

"STOP IT LUKE YOU DON'T MEAN THAT, YOUR HURT AND YOUR...YOUR LASHING OUT THIS ISN'T YOU LUKE!" She sobbed out as he begun to pace the room wildly like an animal trapped inside a cage. "NO PEYTON YOUR RIGHT IT ISN'T ME IT'S YOU, YOUR..." He paused his eyes locking with hers with passion in what on could be described as him being sincere and she sucked in a sharp breath as she mentally prepared herself for his next words which she was sure would break her. "Your poison and I hate you" He grit out as the door opened and a wide eyed Nathan and Haley came in. Before Haley could speak Lucas had bolted from the room as Nathan ran after him calling his name.

"What happened?" Haley asked as she wiped her tears, Peyton tried to talk but all that came out was a strangled sob as she clasped her shaking hands to her mouth. Haley instantly came over gripping a hysterical Peyton tightly to her as she whispered soothing words to her. "His right it is my fault" she whimpered as Haley wiped the tears from Peyton's red eyes. "His hurt Peyton it's not your fault. It's not your fault you were shot...It's not you who pulled the trigger" Haley reasoned with a soft smile as tears to slipped down her cheeks.

"NO HALEY YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I'M DANGEROUS, I'M NOT GOOD FOR ANYONE YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM ME OR YOU COULD BE HURT NEXT! I'M A CURSE!" She sobbed in hysterics as Haley shook her head not agreeing with Peyton's words. "PEYTON HIS UPSET HE DIDN'T MEAN IT!" She shouted trying to get Peyton to listen.

"You need to get out, STAY AWAY FROM ME!" She cried as she pressed on the nearby button by her bed side signalling that she was in distress.

The nurses came in confused. "Get her out" Peyton said solemnly as they complied dragging a protesting Haley out as Peyton cover her eyes beginning to sob again. "I'm sorry" she whimpered into the quiet room.

About three days had passed since Lucas had told Peyton he hated her and he hadn't bothered trying to call her or anything, in that time she had been discharged from Tree Hill Hospital under the conditions that she needed to take it easy, the first thing she did was drive to Rick to pick up her pure grade Persian brown heroine also giving him the favor of sex that she had promised him, just drown out everything she was feeling. Let's just say he had been anything but gentle. Nathan had been trying to call her none stop but she had blocked his calls. Also her dad had returned home from sea to take care of her, she had expected to feel some sort of happiness but she felt nothing but mere emptiness and numbness. The day of Keith's funeral had finally dawned and her dad had practically forced her to get ready. Saying that it wouldn't be right if they didn't pay their respects.

She decided on a casual black wrap dress tight fitting, and gave herself a quiff to frame the blonde curls that hung down past her shoulders. "Peyton you ready to go?" came her dad's gruff voice from downstairs.

"Coming" she replied monotone it was like she was a wax statue she didn't respond to anything anymore unless it was one word answers. She leaned down underneath her bed before looking around to check her surroundings and hearing that her dad wasn't coming up the stairs told her that the coast was clear. She pulled out the heroin and went about doing her normal routine of prepping the needle.

She bit her lip a slight smile cascading her features and the needle pierced her skin and she watch the brown substance empty from the needle.

It was like warm golden sunshine flowing through her veins. Seeming to make everything seem one hundred times better, and it made everything seem beautiful, and seem within her reach. It's her best friend at first and took all the unbearable pain she was feeling away especially the one festering inside her heart as well as the one which had a gun shot wound healing. Then at some point that is indefinable and inevitable, it turns on her. It grows fangs and claws, and it wants her soul. It lies to her and tells her that she's not doing anything wrong. It makes her feel like she would rather die than spend another second without it. Then before she knew it, her days were consumed with waking up dry heaving and so sick she wanted to die (provided she could sleep at all, which is dependent upon whether or not she had a shot before bed...) Once she finally got her first hit of the day, then it's time to start really looking for something to get her by. She'd lie, scam, break the law, and sell her body and soul just to get just barely enough to keep her out of bed. She'd take that last shot of the day, and become filled with dread and exhaustion thinking how she'll manage it tomorrow. Then she'd go to bed, only to wake up a few hours later because her muscles are twitching and cramping. She'd fight with herself for all of ten minutes about whether or not to take that small hit she saved for morning, inevitably take it, and then wake up a few hours later, only to start all over again. And she'd rather die than live any other way.

That was her reason for it, her reason for needing it.

Her dad's serious voice came again causing her to snap out of her reverie as she all but chucked the box under her bed in a heap before getting to her feet almost stumbling in the process.

She grabbed her bag and made her way down the stairs her vision hazy to be met with the sight of her dad looking at her with awaiting eyes."Ready to go?" he asked as she nodded mutely and before she knew it they were out of the door and getting into her comet her dad taking the wheel as she slouched in her seat wishing the day away and just wanting to get this whole thing over with, without the drama of having to see that hate again in Lucas' eyes and the others looking at her with disappointment.

She already knew it was her fault, if Lucas' hadn't of gone back into the school to get her then Keith wouldn't of came in to help them get out and she'd be long since dead living out the rest of her afterlife with her mom Anna up in heaven or probably with the life she was leading hell.

Couldn't they all just leave her alone to get on with her self destruct mode she'd really appreciate it if they did.

The journey lasted for all but 20 minutes and before she knew it they were parked outside the church. She looked around her before her vision landed over by all the graves and she could see from afar where the whole funeral was happening.

She could see Lucas standing with his mother, Brooke next to him with their hands entwined, causing her heart to ache. Nathan and Haley hugging as Haley sobbed into Nathan's chest. Rachel, Mouth, Skills you name it they were all fucking their. They all thought that they knew what she was now, not so much Mouth, Skills and Rachel but more Lucas, Brooke, Haley and Nathan.

They all saw her as some sort of victimized, emotionally unstable, rape victim or a notoriously fucked up heroine addict, alcoholic, self destructive, yet overtly sensitive, frail, fragile, narcoleptic, neurotic, little piss ant who at any minute was going to O.D. jump off a roof, wig out or blow her head off or all 3 at once.

But only Nathan and now Lucas knew about the drugs to be fair so she'd settle option two being on them.

And to be honest it was all the painful truth.

She felt her dad's hand rest on her shoulder snapping her out of her little day dream before her minty green eyes met his hazel ones. "You ok?" he asked probably have caught onto the short breath she was taking. All she could do was let out a bitter laugh, she didn't know why she was finding everything so funny, it was probably the drugs.

Her dad's eyebrows knitted together in confusion and she tried to keep a straight face her lips quivering slightly as she tried desperately not to laugh at the irony of the situation.

"Yeah" she managed as they started walking towards Keith's soon to be resting place. She walked up to funeral as slowly as she could before stopping abruptly to a halt, watching her dad continue a while ahead of her before he realized she had stopped and he turned to look at her confusion etched on his features, "Go I just need a minute" she said as the fear begun to catch up with her, she let out a breath as he didn't argue and reluctantly walked off towards the funeral.

Karen instantly launching herself into his shoulder as he arrived as she silently sobbed. She watched as everyone's eyes shifted to her as she looked down at the floor in shame. She heard movement and looked up to be met with Karen who gave her a weak smile and nod before putting her arm on her shoulder and guiding her towards where the ceremony was being held.

She had so much guilt that was deep inside her as Karen stopped and placed her next to her dad and went back to Lucas who's eyes were know staring intently into hers, with what could only be seen as regret she had to look away, 'Congratulations Luke cause now I hate you too' she thought as she stared blankly ahead avoiding everyone's stares. Her eyes briefly went to Brooke who gave her the falsest smile she could muster up, Peyton shot her a look to kill before looking away. Everyone was all gathered around while tears poured down their faces, never gotten a chance to say goodbye. She tried to hold back the tears, and succeeding it wasn't her place to cry, she was the cause of all this after all right?

The rest of it was a blur and all she caught onto was the ministers voice saying something about Keith know being in god's kingdom then Lucas throwing a handful of soil onto his casket before it was lowered into the ground.

Karen broke apart at that point and Lucas fought hard to keep the tears at bay but failed as the tears started pouring down his cheeks and then everyone was off on one crying. Peyton watched the despair around her as everyone started parting ways no doubt going back to the wake that was to be held at The Scott residence.

"Come on Honey" came her dad's voice as she stood still fists balled at her sides. Her eyes burning holes into the soil and her lips in a thin line of concentration. "I can't" she choked out as she looked up at the awaiting eyes of Haley, Nathan and Karen. She looked past to see Brooke leading Lucas of who kept looking back at her, his eyes pained.

"It's ok honey this isn't your fault" Karen soothed as she walked towards Peyton. Peyton shook her head frantically as she stepped back. "No don't you see i'm bad luck, i'm the reason people always die, leave or get hurt and I can't risk the people that I love getting hurt" she tried to reason as she wrapped her arms around herself. "Peyton" Nathan said coming towards her and taking her in his arms. "It's ok you guys go ahead, me and Peyton will be there in a bit" he said with a false smile looking down at her with eyes that said, 'I know you've taken it' No one budged and she looked past him again to see that Lucas had stopped in his tracks and was now staring along with everyone else.

She watched as Brooke brought her hand to his cheek before she gave him a soft smile her eyes looking to Peyton who watched on hurt and jealous. She said something inaudible to her ears and yet again Lucas turned his back on her.

She felt the bile begin to rise in her throat as she slapped a palm over her mouth before starting to gag. "I'm gonna throw up" she stated before turning away from Nathan and running.

"PEYTON!"she heard him yell after her. She stopped by her comet before unloading her stomach onto the ground all the contents of her breakfast coming out as a burning sensation festered from the wound on her stomach. She heard Nathan stop to a halt behind before his hand started rubbing her back. But then red liquid started being replaced instead of vomit and a lot of it. It took her a second to realize it was blood.

"Omg Peyton, HELP!" Nathan screamed at the top of his lungs. "No" she seethed between retching again as he went back to rubbing her back. She heard more footsteps scuff against the concrete and realized that there was now another presence with them a presence that was all to familiar.

"I'm fine" she said as she looked up after the vomiting subsided and was met with the sight of Lucas wide eyed and breathing heavily. "Peyton?" he asked as she wiped her mouth and then his eyes shifted to the vomit and blood on the floor. "You need a doctor" he said grabbing her arm but she shook from his grip. "NO!" She shrieked as she pushed him away, "you don't even care you hate me remember,this is my fault" she cried as she rested against Nathan who was know clutching her to him.

"Peyton I..." he begun but she shook her head, "It's my fault Keith dead remember, you hate me you said your self so congratulations Lucas cause now I hate you too" She sneered. He looked at her his eyes glazed with tears as he nodded before looking to the world then backing away slowly with his hands in surrender and walking off. She suddenly felt like her heart had been ripped right out of her chest. "WAIT LUKE I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN IT!" She shrieked as he kept walking and went over to meet the others as they all started off back to The Scott residence.

She sobbed out pulling away from Nathan and gripping her hair tightly as she shut her eyes the tears finally spilling and the emotion finally hitting her full force, she needed another hit.

"Peyton why are you still taking that shit, did you see what it just did to you just now?" Nate asked as she opened her eyes to look at him withdrawing breath. "I'M NOT!" She cried as she started to shake, "Peyton don't lie to me I'm your friend I just wanna help you, i'm not gonna leave you like everyone else has you need to take it easy, you've just gotten out of hospital after being shot in the stomach I might add and your already back to being Rick's whore all for some stupid heroin, is it worth it?" he asked with passion as she let out a bitter laugh.

"LET'S JUST GET TO THIS FUCKING WAKE BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND, I MEAN IT'S BAD ENOUGH I HAVE A GUILTY CONSCIENCE ALREADY KNOW YOU WANNA ACCUSE ME OF BEING A DRUG WHORE AGAIN TOO!" She stammered as she fished her keys out unlocking the door then threw them at him. As he sighed before climbing in next to her and starting the engine.

This was not going to end well at all.

Let's hear what you guys thought hope you guys enjoyed it. There definitely going to be more Leyton angst in the upcoming chapters and more with them together. Also next chapter will be Lucas POV but Peyton to begin with.

LeytonFan4Eva xx