EDI: Shepard, I'm picking up a distress signal, coming from the "Death Star"- It's Alliance!

Shepard: What the hell would an alliance officer being doing all the way out here?

Jack: Duh… Collectors….collect bodies….take them to other places.

Shepard: Riiiiight…So EDI, any I.D on that signal?

EDI:You're not going to like it Commander.

Shepard: Oh right, so now you're gonna tell me they kidnapped someone who hasn't been mentioned throughout this whole story?

EDI: Ashley Williams.

Shepard: DOH! My ONE true love!

Miranda, Tali, Kasumi, Jack, Kelly, Samara, Liara, Chakwas: SHEPARD, you said I was your ONE TRUE LOVE!

Shepard: Chakwas?

Chakwas: What, you don't remember after you brought back that brandy? Why do you think I was lying on the medbay bed? And you, looking like a fool with your pants on the ground.

Joker: Got pictures!

Shepard: You all knew the deal when you signed on. Suicide mission, of course I was gonna try and get it on with all of you. But Ash was different; the poetry, those weird not quite aligned eyes, the greasy not quite clean hair. If only she'd gone for the implants!

Miranda: So Commander, I'll take command of the "Death Star" mission and….

Jack: Hey cheerleader, why don't you put the girls back in their holsters, you're not the boss of me!

Miranda: You tattooed freak! At least "my" girls are worthy of being put on display! You ran around for half a game without a top on and no one even noticed.

Samara: Thousand years old; got you BOTH covered.

Joker: Hey, true,blue.

EDI: Reference John Williamson, Australian Singer 1990's. Fair suck of the sauce bottle Shepard, that's getting real obscure.

Shepard: Jack, Samara, you're with Me. Garrus, you take the rest and destroy that control centre. Joker, I want you ready to get us out of here at a moment's notice. And DON'T bother with any of that Rambo crap you tried in the second game.

Joker: But Commander…..

EDI: No use arguing, he is your commanding officer, and it did take you 45 minutes to walk to the airlock. By the way, your shooting accuracy sucks!

Joker: I'll fix you, you bubble headed booby!

EDI: You really are lost in space aren't you!

Shepard: Go Go Go Go Go Go Go

THREE MINUTES LATER ON THE "DEATH STAR":

Shepard: Come in Garrus, what's your status?

Garrus: Loyal! Single! Available! But I was wondering Commander, if yours is the more important mission, why did you only take two others with you?

Shepard: What? You mean I can take MORE?

Garrus: Sure! Just hold down B and X while pressing start!

Shepard: EDI, when I get back to the ship, I want a full list of cheats downloaded onto my personal terminal.

EDI: I will have that for you IF you return Commander.

Shepard: What do you mean IF? What about Mass Effect 3?

EDI: I took the liberty of downloading the script to this story and have noted your choice of squad. A probiotic squad, based on the assumption you will come up against an organic based opposition. Given the fact you have disabled Autosave, and have not saved since reloading in Chapter three, I fear for your future.

Joker: Hey, since when can you fear for something? You're an A.I, fear is an organic emotion.

EDI: Looks like the jig is up. Remember when Harbinger took control of me, before Joker's heroic walk?

Shepard: Yeeeeeesssss?

Harbinger: ASSUMING CONTROL.