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Contradictions

Beast Boy sat at the rocks by the Tower. He leaned back, arms supporting his sides and sighed happily. These past few days have been…nice. This is surprising as he hasn't had a nice day in years.

Titan East had dropped by to visit the other day. Starfire had immediately dragged Bumblebee and Raven to have another one of her 'girl talks'. Cyborg and the Spanish twins started playing games on the console, all of them shouting and yelling, struggling to win the game. Robin and Speedy began comparing their weapons and gadgets. It soon turned into a competition of who had the better mentor, better team, better girlfriend and better hair.

Beast Boy and Aqualad were conversing about the Titans and random stuff when Aqualad said that he wanted to take a dip in the sea and asked if Beast Boy wanted to tag along. Beast Boy immediately accepted and the two of them had a great time swimming. They emerged from the sea a few hours later with big smiles on their faces. Beast Boy felt refreshed and rejuvenated and he felt even better that he had a good time with a friend.

A few days later, some of the Honorary Titans came to help during a battle with Killer Moth and Johnny Rancid. They later went out to have pizza together, where Cyborg and Kid Flash had an eating contest, which of course, Kid Flash won. They made jokes and had fun. And Beast Boy laughed. He really laughed. It wasn't a fake laugh. It was real and the bubbly feeling he felt in his stomach felt…good.

Beast Boy smiled, he almost didn't think a single depressing thought today. He'd also stopped torturing his scar-ridden hands with intense scrubbing. Cyborg and Robin had replaced the soap in the bathroom for some other soap brand that gave off a very strong scent. Beast Boy soon found out that he was allergic to that soap. Apparently, the scent that the soap exhibited was too strong for his animal senses. So now he was forced to wash his hands quickly and less frequently. Beast Boy encountered difficulty adjusting to this new arrangement at first, but he eventually got used to it. Now he's washing his hands almost like any normal person. Beast Boy also hadn't notice his green skin in days. He couldn't even remember the last time he looked in the mirror.

For the first time in many years, he felt normal. It was a weird feeling, to feel normal. Because he was the only person on Earth that was green, and yet now, he felt that he belonged, like he was one of the billions of people on this planet. This thought scared him a little, just a little, but mostly he felt happy. He never thought he'll feel like he wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. This feeling was so foreign, yet so natural. It sounded so ludicrous, because Beast Boy wasn't the type of person to feel this way. If there was one thing he always kept constant in all his masks, he never had contrasting feelings or thoughts. It just didn't make sense to him.

The lights in Titans Tower suddenly dimmed, signaling the other Titans heading to bed. Beast Boy yawned, all of a sudden, he felt sleepy. That was strange; he usually had to tire himself out for a few more hours before he could sleep. Beast Boy scratched his cheek. He was beginning to wonder if maybe Beast Boy was more than just a mask. Maybe it was who he was, inside. He never thought about this before, but maybe Garfield Logan was also a mask. It sounded absurd, but how long had he been Garfield Logan, and how long had he been Beast Boy? When he became Beast Boy, it felt so much easier, and yet so much harder. There it was again, another contradicting thought. Was his life full of contradictions? He felt happy being Beast Boy and yet he felt sad. Sometimes, he felt like he wanted to go back to the Doom Patrol, but at the same time he didn't.

Beast Boy hated contradictions, because it made him fearful. He might make the wrong decisions at the wrong time, like he did so many times in the past. The perfect example was his parents' deaths. He had a choice, save them or save himself. He chose the latter, a decision which made him regret for the rest of his life. The problem with contradictions is that you never know the outcome. And this made Beast Boy feel vulnerable, as he wasn't in control of the situation.

Beast Boy stood up, hands in his pockets and kicked a small rock into the sea. Beast Boy didn't feel as happy as he did when he came down here anymore. Whenever his mind wanders, other thoughts will invade his mind. Beast Boy wishes there was a way to clear his mind, or blank it for just a few hours. Even an hour would be good enough. Beast Boy made his way back into the Tower, grumbling under his breath about stupid thoughts and why humans even had to think. Can't humans be unaware of their thoughts like some animals? Humans really are the most complicated creatures on Earth.

Robin tapped his pen on the paper, looking quite irritated as he tried to focus on his work and ignore the voices of his teammates. He flinched when he heard a squeal from Starfire, or maybe it was Cyborg. Robin was about to grab a pencil when it was suddenly encased with black energy and floated out of his reach. Robin grinded his teeth. This was the fourth time this happened in the past thirty minutes.

Robin turned around in his chair and said, "Raven, I already told you, if you want to 'borrow' something, you ask! You don't make the stuff I'm about to use fly away!"

Raven gave him an innocent look. "But, Robin, I thought you specifically ordered us not to bother you unless the world is ending or you're dying."

Robin glared at her, but did not answer, and instead opted to return to his work, now putting a protective arm over all his materials.

A few minutes passed and Robin still hadn't managed to find any evidence on the latest case. Robin glared at the offending sheet of paper, though he knew why he couldn't concentrate. Suddenly there was a loud thud from behind him and he heard laughter following it.

Robin stood up with a sigh and turned to face the other Titans. "Will you guys at least be quiet while you're in here? I'm trying to work, you know. And why do you have to do your…whatever it is you're doing in my room?"

"Beast Boy probably wouldn't come to your room. Less chance of him accidentally finding out about our plans." Cyborg said.

"You can go to your rooms, or just go to the evidence room like we did the other day." Robin pointed out.

"Yeah. We could…but Raven doesn't let anyone into her room, well except Starfire, for their 'girl talks'. Mine and Starfire's rooms are too near Beast Boy's room, and he has super hearing, so even with the doors closed, he'll hear our conversation. As for the evidence room, Starfire says the Slade mask in there is creepy at night. I would use the basement, but I'm still trying to fix the pipes, so the place's a mess." Cyborg replied.

"Oh. Okay."

"Friend Robin, do you not want to help us help Friend Beast Boy?" Starfire queried.

Robin looked uncomfortable. "Uhh…"

The others waited a moment for his response. When it became clear that he wasn't going to answer, they heaved a disappointed sigh and returned to their planning. Robin glanced down at his work and figured he wouldn't be getting much any work done with so many thoughts clouding his mind. He exited the room, muttering an excuse to his teammates as he passed.

In the common room, Robin stood next to the window, staring at the city lights glimmering in the distance. The reason he didn't want to help Beast Boy was because he was afraid he'd mess up again. He'd thought about it long and hard after the talk with Starfire and realized she was right. Then he thought about what he did. He had sent Beast Boy to a Mental Institute. The sentence was ringing in head for a few minutes before he thought, 'What was I thinking?!' Granted, he hadn't made Beast Boy stay there for a few days like the other patients (the other Titans will probably kill him if he did), but sending Beast Boy there was like labeling him as 'not normal' and 'crazy'.

Robin was paranoid. That was what made him send Beast Boy to a Mental Institute in the first place. He was worried that other psychiatrists in the city would not be good enough or would not know how to deal with a super powered teen. Then he took into account the costs of the appointment and petrol. He also considered how much time it will take and what will happen if the alarm sounded during the session. Would the rest of the team be able to handle the trouble? What if they couldn't? How long would it take Beast Boy to get from the psychiatrist's clinic to the battle location? All of this led to Robin deciding that the Mental Institute was nearer, cheaper and safer for Beast Boy. And there was also a bonus of the psychiatrists there being more experienced and proficient.

I apologized, so it doesn't really matter, right? Robin thought, though he knew that wasn't true. Beast Boy and Robin may have been on talking terms now, but Beast Boy was still a little resentful of him. Whenever the Titans made an offhanded comment that contained words like 'crazy', 'nutcase' or 'loony bin', Beast Boy would throw a glare in Robin's direction.

Robin found it hard to admit that he made a mistake. Sure, he had said 'sorry', but that was completely different than saying 'I was wrong'. The word 'sorry' didn't really have a meaning, because someone could say 'sorry' and not even mean it. 'Sorry' was just something to delude people into thinking everything was fine when it really wasn't. The word 'sorry' was only a stepping stone, the first step to apologizing. Robin was never good with words. Even saying 'sorry' was hard for him. He knew he had to fix his friendship with Beast Boy.

Robin jogged back to his room and slammed the door open. His teammates' heads snapped up, eyes wide in shock and surprise.

"Hey, guys. Don't you think your plans would work better if the leader helped?"

The other Titans smiled in approval as Robin took his seat on the floor next to Cyborg and Starfire. Well, actions always speak louder than words. And if Robin can't find the words to say what he really mean, then taking action to help Beast Boy regain his happiness seemed to be the only alternative.