Here and Now

February 2nd, 2014
Grand Prairie, TX

Well today's the first day of tour. I don't think I've ever stopped to notice just how much goes on before a show actually starts. So many people are rushing around and shouting at each other; audio engineers, sound engineers, the pyro guys, the wardrobe girls, our choreographers, Gustavo, Kelly, make up, those in charge of lighting, those in charge of our mic packs and other microphones, security guards…I don't think I've ever properly thanked any of them. They're the real reasons why we are even able to put on show and everyone goes out of their way to thank us for what we do.

Truth is we wouldn't be where we are without other people. People we probably don't ever show how much we appreciate them. Take mom for example. She's done so much for Katie and me and while I do tell her often how I love her, I don't think I've thanked her for everything just as often. And she deserves that, even if it seems like the motherly thing, or the most normal thing for her to do. She could say that "thanks" isn't necessary whenever I do actually do it, but that's just who mom is.

Normally, I'm not one to write down my thoughts and feelings, at least not outside of my lyrics book, but it's better than snapping at my friends every time I feel crappy. Which is a lot. I try not to let that show, though. We all know how hard it is and it's not just me that's going through this. I don't know where I'd be without them.

I hated having them worry so much about me. I hated all the attention, though. Fan attention, let's be honest here, which guys didn't dream of having hundreds of girls chanting their names and chasing them around? Sure, it got to be too much at times, but it certainly is a dream come true for James. And myself.

Hockey has always been the one thing I've been interested in, but as time went on, music was more important that I ever thought it'd be. I don't even know when my interest really started with it. Mom and dad would always sing me to sleep, and then I kind of just took over for Katie when it was hard for her to sleep at night. Music is everywhere, but when do you ever really stop and really notice that it's something you can make a career out of?

And then it was over and I was back playing hockey. I never realized how much I had missed it until I was back on the ice. No matter how happy I was paying the sport again, it didn't feel the same without James, Carlos, and Logan by my side. It was like they could read my mind and was where I needed them to be. Especially, Carlos. I haven't met any enforcer that loved slamming into people as much as he did. It was like the nanosecond I could sense an opposing player on my tail, Carlos had them pinned to the boards with an arm to their neck.

Kendall let out a sigh through his nose, lifting his head when he heard a loud crash, looking up just in time to see Carlos go sprawling all over the ground after the empty wardrobe cart he was riding on crashed into the brick wall of the Verizon Theater.

Of all the things… Kendall couldn't help but let out a laugh. With his trusty helmet, and the metal plate in his head, he knew Carlos would never truly get hurt. At least, he'd never admit to it. Doesn't that sound familiar? Kendall cleared his throat, tapping his pen against the paper of his notebook before flipping to a new page. "I give that a…8.5"

He lifted his notebook into the air, turning it towards Carlos as his friend got to his feet. "I'm never going to make a nine," Carlos said with a hint of a pout as he got to his feet, adjusting the helmet on his head.

"If you actually stopped where we indicated, you would've gotten through the obstacle course with your personal best time," Logan said, spinning his stop watch around his finger.

"These things don't have brakes," Carlos protested, grasping onto the front pole of the crashed wardrobe cart. He set his knee down onto the bottom of the cart and used his free leg to propel himself forward as if it were a skateboard.

"You nearly got a penalty for stopping at the snack table," James called from the corner he was standing in. He had a mirror up to his face brushing his hair over and over again. He tugged at the collar to his flannel shirt before gripping a handful of his black t-shirt, pulling it away from his chest.

"It's not like he needs the extra energy before he goes on stage," Logan said, removing the stop watch from around his neck. He then reached back to massage his shoulder, which collided into the ground when the cart tipped on his run.

It was like Logan was two different people; the no-nonsense type that was into following the rules and school work, and the other side of him that had a fraction of Carlos's energy and could go crazy and do anything to have fun. It was only for a short period of time each year he got to see the other side of Logan.

"DOGS!"

The four of them jumped, James scrambling to catch his mirror before it hit the floor, before they all turned to see Gustavo and Kelly hurrying towards them. Kelly's eyes popped open when she saw the dented wardrobe cart in Carlos's hands.

"Didn't I say that this wasn't a jungle gym?" she asked, making her way over to the cart. Carlos quickly climbed off it, whistling as he rocked back and forth on his heels. She shook her head, tisking, as she used the phone in her hand to take pictures of the damaged vehicle. "I still haven't figured out how you got your belts stuck together playing 'Vote off the Island' with it."

"Actually, it was 'The Floor is Lava' when we all got stuck, Kelly," Carlos corrected her. Kelly lifted her eyes, looking up at him under her bangs. "But…that doesn't even matter. Because…it was really irresponsible."

"Kelly, I'm sure insurance will cover it," Logan said gently.

"It can't be that much bigger a price than when those Nerf darts got super glued to the lights," James said with a half smile. "That was funny you have to admit."

"I guess I should be happy you're not playing shopping cart hockey again," she said with a sigh, her shoulders slumping just slightly.

"I knew you'd see it our way," James said with a bright smile. Kelly chuckled, reaching up a hand to scratch at her eyebrow with her long fingernails before looking over at Kendall.

"Don't look at me," Kendall said with a shrug of his shoulders. "I can only keep them on a tight leash for so long." He got to his feet, setting his notebook aside and clapped Gustavo on the shoulder before looping his arm around him. "Right, Gustavo?" Gustavo merely angled his head to glare at Kendall behind his sunglasses. Kendall kept the bright smile on his face until Gustavo let out a growl. "Riiight. I'll just…remove my…yeah." He slowly pulled his arm back from his manager's shoulders. He loudly cleared his throat. "So, what was the call for?"

"First show starts in a few minutes," Gustavo said, rubbing his hands together. "It's your first tour in a while, so no pressure. Some people may think you've already worn out your welcome but I say—"

"Hockey pucks," Kendall said, speaking over his manager.

"You did say you'd try and keep your blood pressure down this time around," Kelly said to Gustavo, finishing up taking pictures of the cart. "Shorter tour, shorter fuse."

"Yeah, is there any way to add on a few more dates?" Logan asked with a frown. "The fans weren't too happy to know that our world tour isn't exactly…around the word."

"Well, it's been a while since you boys have performed," Kelly explained. She talked slowly as if choosing her words carefully. "Griffin wanted to make sure the popularity was still there."

"So we could have more dates added on?" James asked.

"That all depends on…Kendall," Kelly replied. Kendall busied himself with looking around the backstage area, suddenly becoming very interested in what it was they did. He could feel everybody's gaze shift over towards him.

"We had to let Griffin know about his…condition," Gustavo said, lifting his hand to remove his sunglasses from his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Between that and his hockey commitment, there's no way to tell at this point whether or not we'll be able to add on more dates."

"Well...we've played shows one person down before," Kendall spoke up."They can continue on without me if it gets too hard."

"No." James was the first to voice his protest, shaking his head back and forth.

"James, come on," Kendall said to his friend. "Think about your solo career."

"We wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for you," James said, crossing his arms over his chest. "From the very beginning. If it wasn't for you, Big Time Rush wouldn't have been made."

"Gustavo just wanted you at first, remember?" Carlos asked quietly. "You were the one that bargained for the rest of us."

"Yeah, man, you've been leading us this whole time," Logan added with a shrug of his shoulders. "It's all of us, or nothing. If we have to play it by ear…." He trailed off, shrugging his shoulders a second time.

"Five minutes to stage. Five minutes to stage."

The shouting got louder and the backstage workers started scrambling even more. One of the sound technicians, Greg, rushed over to them and started fitting the four boys with microphone packs and in ears. He started rattling off about in-ears before sliding microphones to the leg attachments on the outside of their left legs.

"If you need to check things out with the onsite medic, I suggest you go now, Kendall," Kelly said with a look of compassion in Kendall's direction. He shifted his weight from foot to foot.

"I'm fine," he replied. Kelly gave him a pointed look. He wondered if all women learned how to make a "You better tell me the truth" look from the same place or if it was just worked into their genetic code. "Really. Nana Mitchell knows about aches and pains."

"He's telling the truth," Logan said, reaching his hands up to adjust his head mic, pulling the bulbous end down in front of his mouth.

"Get it checked out the minute you get off the stage," Kelly said to him. She let out a sigh. "I don't want to do it, but if I have to make a schedule for you to get checked out, then I will."

Kendall opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before he pressed his lips together, nodding. It's just for your safety, Kendall. But, if there was one thing he always looked forward to being tour, it was the sense of freedom that came with traveling. He could eat and do whatever he wanted, within reason. Of course that meant in plenty of cases, they got into more trouble than they did back at the Palm Woods, but it was all part of the fun.

"Yes, ma'am," he replied with his best southern drawl. He lifted his hand and mimed tugging the brim of a cowboy hat, earning a smile from Kelly.

"Two minutes to stage. Two minutes to stage."

"Alright, dogs," Gustavo said, clapping his big hands together. "Get out there and show them what you've got."

"As soon as you're done head out for the bus," Kelly said to the boys as they started making their way towards the side door to the stage. "You only have a few minutes to sign for the fans before we have to head out to Houston so don't get side tracked."

"Only a few minutes?" James asked with a small frown, tugging up the waistband to his pants. "It's the first night of tour, there's going to be a lot of fans out there."

"Sorry," Kelly said with a frown. "We know how important the fans are to you, but you know how it is."

"Yeah, it just sucks," Carlos said. He then started bouncing on the balls of his feet. He clapped his hands together and let out a loud shout. "Come on guys, it's the first night of tour!" He punched the air with his fists."Let's do this!"

"You sure you can handle this?" Logan asked, nudging Kendall in the side. Kendall lifted his leg and bent it at his brace-free knee.

"Never felt better," Kendall replied. "I've had an ice skate nearly cut my finger open, and took a check so hard once my eyeball nearly popped out. Nothing can stop me." Besides, with James soloing during intermission, I have plenty of time to rest.

"That's what I like to hear," James said clapping his hands together before putting his hand out in the air. "Big Time Rush on three." Carlos, Logan, and Kendall stacked their hands on top of his. "1! 2! 3!"

"Big Time Rush." Kendall's voice mixed in with James, Carlos, and Logan's before they headed up a metal flight of stairs backstage headed towards their marks.

"Remember your starting pitches," Logan said to his friends as he moved to follow James to the other side of the stage. Kendall spotted a neon green glow in the dark strip of tape right behind a thick wall of curtain. He lifted his hand and switched his head mic on, a low hum filling his ears for a second. Carlos stood behind Kendall at his bright pink marking before reaching out his hand to massage his shoulders.

"Big. Time. Rush. Big. Time Rush."

Kendall could hear the chanting of the crowd as it got closer and closer to the start of the show. His heart started beating rapidly in his chest. His armpit was prickled with sweat and he shook out his hands before he started shifting his weight from foot to foot. A male's voice reached his ears, counting them down.

"In 5, 4, 3, 2. You're on."

Kendall jogged forward, bursting through the thick curtains and for a moment was blinded by the spotlight put on him as he made his way down the stairs and to the stage. He could feel Carlos's thundering footsteps behind him. As the opening chords to Music Sounds Better With U started, earning louder cheers from the audience, the blinding spotlight quickly turned to a sea of back dotted with flashes of lights from cameras and bricks of color as glow sticks were waved in the air.

Kendal heard four sharp clicks in his ears, opened his mouth, and started to sing.