Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors or any brands mentioned.

Dawn fell upon ThunderClan. Valentine's Day had begun.

"Herz sum in10sifieng jele, Mowsfer, 4 wen wee doo iht!" Purdy toothlessly exclaimed, handing the jelly to Mousefur. "Thank you, Purdy! Here's my jelly. It's actually banana jelly, I made it myself!" Mousefur replied, trying to be happy. Her dead partner, Longtail, gave much better gifts.

News had spread around camp that Lionblaze was taking Icecloud as his date to the sweetheart dance.

Blossomfall and Rosepetal whispered to each other. The man they loved was taking Icecloud!

Dovewing received from lovely roses from Bumblestripe. "Wow…' She felt bad about her sexual ecounter with Tigerheart. Bumblestripe was an amazing boyfriend.

AT 6:55…

Poppyfrost moved the dance into the whole camp. Because 1) Purdy peed on all the supplies in the elder's den and 2) the elder's den wasn't roomy enough.

Bumblestripe & Dovewing arrived first. Dovewing padded to the snack area to see Jayfeather, nomming on a cookie.

"Are you here with Briarlight?" Dovewing asked romantically.

Jayfeather rolled his eyes. "No, stupid dip thong! She can't walk! I came for the yummy punch, lol."

Birchfall and Whitewing, Dovewing & Ivypool's parents, appeared, and Dovewing was happy her parents were doing this together.

"Hey, Dovewing!" Birchfall called out friendlishly to Dovewing, and tripped and fell on a rock, and got up.

"Oh, me and this song go way back! Dance with me, Birchfall!" Whitewing exclaimed, as 'I Will Always Love You' by Whitney Houston played. (R.I.P!)

They slow danced.

"ALRIGHT, OUT OF MY WAY!" Cinderheart called, threw a rock at the stereo system, and the song switched to 'Super Bass' by Nicki Minaj.

"Alright!" Mousewhisker meowed, and did a weird hump dance with Cinderheart.

Hollyleaf smiled victoriously. She had won the position of 'Presiding officer that make sure no one breaks the code at the Valentine's Dance.' She was elected by the cats! She was the only candidate, and got one vote. That was because she bribed Sorreltail.

Blossomfall was prostituting herself at the dance. That was technically against the warrior code, but Hollyleaf loved to watch sex, so she would just spy on them.

Several more couples arrived, including Lionblaze and Icecloud.

Lionblaze and Icecloud danced around. "Hey, wanna take this to Firestar's nest?" She asked, placing her paw on his chest. "No. No, I don't." Lionblaze responded, and went to get some punch. He had to avoid sex with Icecloud. He just had to make Cinderheart jealous.

Mousewhisker laughed with her. "So me and Berrystumpyleg went up the tree…" Lionblaze caught him meow.

Lionblaze seethed with rage. He pulled his paw from the potato chips. He grabbed the bowl of punch, and doused the lovey dovey Mousewhisker and Cinderheart with it.

Jayfeather stood on the sidelines, laughing at everybody.

Foxleap and Ivypool attempted to dance, but Foxkit and Ivykit jumped on them, giggling. "Get away!" Ivypool exclaimed. Her hair had grown back in, thankfully. And she was always medicated, for the sake of her kits' mental health.

Ivypool went to eat some cookies. "Ugh. I'm so mad… the Dark Forest cats won't leave me alone!" She murmured to Blossomfall, who also got lessons there. As blood welled from a gash on her forehead, and the words 'Thistleclaw did this' were etched into her skin, and she was limping, she denied this. "What is the Dark Forest, Ivypool?" Blossomfall was a bad actress. "I think you're mouse-brained. I have to go service Spiderleg."

Leafpool looked at everyone, seeing Bumblestripe & Dovewing dancing. "Oh, are you two enjoying yourselves?" She sweetly asked. "Yes… We are!" The pair meowed in unison.

"WELL, ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN, BECAUSE EVENTUALLY, YOU TWO ARE GONNA RUN OFF TOGETHER, DECIDE TO COME BACK FOR A STUPID CLAN, GET PREGGO, YOU WILL DUMP HER KITS ON IVYPOOL, YOU ARE GONNA LEAVE HER, AND THEN, MOONS LATER, THE KITS WILL FIND OUT AND HATE YOU FOREVER, AND YOU TWO WILL SELDOM TALK TO EACH OTHER!" Leafpool yowled in response, and Bumblestripe and Dovewing went to go play Wii Sports set up away from the crazy maniac.

Mousewhisker stared at Lionblaze. "Lionblaze! Look what you did! Asshole!" He yowled. Cinderheart stared at him, too. "You still like me. You really aren't into Icecloud. You're trying to make me envious." She murmured, very close to him. "You did this spill on purpose."

Lionblaze turned red. Cinderheart had connected the dots. "Uh, No! I am totally not into you! Icecloud is now my girlfriend!"

"Shut up. It worked. I don't know why I ever left you. You're mine." Cinderheart meowed, putting her tail to Lionblaze's mouth.

The pair romantically danced, and Lionblaze felt great. He won her back! His botched plan actually worked! The two then went and had sexy sex in the Dirtplace. "OOOOOOHHHH…." Cinderheart yowled as they did it, and Lionblaze grinned. He had hit a good spot and then they- CENSORED! CENSORED! CENSORED! CENSORED! CENSORED BY THE CENSORING ASSOCIATION OF THUNDERCLAN!

The game section set on fire, and the music stopped. Every cat screamed loudly. Breezepelt emerged from the flames, blood dripping from his teeth. "Why is blood dripping from your teeth?" Jayfeather sarcastically asked. Breezepelt was retarded, Jayfeather knew that.

"Make-up. For dramatic effect, you know." Breezepelt explained. Jayfeather nodded. "I see. Oh, wait… GET OUTTA HERE, BREEZEPELT! GRR! GRR! GRR!" He exclaimed.

Every cat now faced Breezepelt. "I have come to ruin your dance!" He proclaimed, and they all gasped. First, Breezepelt turned to Dovewing and Bumblestripe. "Bumblestripe, let's start with you. Did you know, I saw Dovewing screwing Tigerheart in a bush yesterday? That's weird!" Breezepelt said in a mock surprised voice. "I even have footage to prove it!"

"Why would you record that?" Dovewing asked bluntly. "Well, it's definitely not because I find pleasure in watching the tape… But the point still stands! I have a sex tape of Dovewing and Tigerheart!" She had caught Breezepelt off guard for a moment.

"How could you, skanky little skank beotch skank girl, that came from Whitewing's skanky hole, that has a skanky life, with a skanky love affair, with a skanky, yet beautiful, face!" Bumblestripe shouted, and went to go literally cry a river.

"I would also like to reveal… Hollyleaf is super annoying!" Breezepelt added, creating an atmosphere of shock. Crickets literally cricked on that one. Everyone knew that.

"And, my last revelation… Brackenfur is hiding something… he is an average tom!" Breezepelt finished.

"Everyone knows that, dummy!" Sandstorm drunkly yelled, pausing from her guzzling of Budweiser mixed with rum.

"Hey, before you go… Wanna buy some sugary treats to support ThunderClan's purchase of sex toys?" Squirrelflight offered.

"Shut up, Squirrelflight! You were part of the terrible conspiracy of my father's other kits that I won't mention!" Breezepelt condescended.

"Gosh, what a son of a beotch! Literally!" Jayfeather called out, and Squirrelflight nodded. "Nightcloud is an annoying, uptight beotch!" She agreed.

"Alright, Breezepelt the Bastard shall now leave you, in your filth!" Breezepelt meowed. "This isn't over, thundercats!"

"Of course I'm an average, boring tom, with no drama whatsoever! How could he even pretend that that's a surprise?" Brackenfur remarked to his mate Sorreltail as Breezepelt flew away with his jetpack.

The party resumed, although, it lost most of the little life it had to begin with.

Mousewhisker was disappointed, his tail drooping in the sand. Cinderheart just abandoned him to bang Lionblaze! And his fur was stained pink, from the punch!

Hollyleaf observed that all was well. Few couples remained. So, she chatted with the dateless Rosepetal, by the snacks.

However, Foxkit and Ivykit were very energetic. They scampered towards the heart-shaped sprinkle cookies, and pelted them at Hollyleaf. "Hey, stop it, stupid little brats!" She hissed, unsheathing her claws. They giggled, and splashed cups of punch on every cat that hadn't retired to hunt or rest.

Ivypool suddenly decided to go off her meds. Her mind overtook the medication Jayfeather had bought for 77 cents at Walgreens.

"Oh my gosh, a poisonous beetle!" Ivypool exclaimed to Graystripe as he played The Game of Life with Millie in the game section. "WHAT? WHERE!" Graystripe called desperately.

Ivypool jumped on Graystripe, and shredded his fur. "THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR ME NOT BEING IN THE PROPHECY!" She exclaimed.

"What prophecy? Why are you clawing at me?" Graystripe asked as he was mercilessly battered by Ivypool's claws of fury.

"Get off my mate, dumb medless ass!" Millie commanded. "Shut your hole, stupid kittypet!" Ivypool retaliated, and Millie gasped. "Where's Briarlight, so I can sob?" She cried. "I'm your daughter too! I'll be your shoulder to cry on!" Blossomfall hopelessly offered, pausing her paid sex with Spiderleg.

Millie nipped at Blossomfall. "Shut up! Briarlight can't walk, so she's the only kit that matters!"

Blossomfall looked crestfallen, and humped Spiderleg harder, out of misery. "YEAAAAHHH! KEEP IT COMIN'!" Spiderleg yelled.

Icecloud sobbed, going to her den, crying herself to sleep. Lionblaze didn't really like her... She would have to do revenge...

Ivypool eventually got off Graystripe, after tearing chunks off his fur. She passed out in the punch, dyeing her fur pink, forgetting about her roughhousing kits. Foxleap had to put them to bed that night, in the nursery.

"Alright, screw it, I'm just ending the tattered scraps that are left of this dance!" Poppyfrost gave in, and everyone else was glad. They just left Ivypool in the bowl of punch. She would wake up in the morning, hopefully.

Hollyleaf was heading towards her den, but was stopped by Mousewhisker. "Wanna hook up? Be my girlfriend?" He asked. "I think you're smokin' sexy."

Hollyleaf was shocked. Mousewhisker was pretty yummy, now that she thought of it… "Okay, why not?" Hollyleaf optimistically answered, and the new pair went into a bush and had hot sex.

Jayfeather couldn't help but chuckle as he padded to his den for the night. For once, the ThunderClan Sweethear Dance had been miserable, and it was pretty fun to watch. Jayfeather sighed, and went into his sleeping rock. He hoped to get a dream from StarClan tonight. Especially one that was pervish. And gave them a clue as what to do next. He fell asleep, glad Valentine's Day was finally over.

Note: I personally liked this chapter! How about you? They had quite the train wreck of a dance! Please review, and come back for more chapters! Only a few more until the epic finale! (But no one ever said a sequel wouldn't happen.) Stay tuned for the next chapters!