Suggested listening:
"Back On Your Side"- Chris Isaak
Derek got out of his truck in front of Meredith's house and glanced up towards her bedroom window; it was dark, there was no light shining from it like the others. He walked around the side of the porch and had just raised his hand to knock on the door when Izzie pulled it open from the other side.
They both hesitated.
"Hi." Derek said finally.
"What do you want?" Izzie demanded.
"Is Meredith here?"
"No."
"Where is she?" he asked.
"Out," she answered, exasperated. Derek glanced down.
"You have her car keys in your hand."
Izzie rolled her eyes.
"So?"
"So can I come in?" he asked.
"Why?"
"To wait for Meredith."
She crossed her arms and leaned against the door frame.
"What did you say to her?" she demanded.
"Where are you going?" Derek asked, dodging the question.
"Who's here...?" A voice drifted out past Izzie from somewhere inside the house.
"Is that George?" Derek asked, leaning to the right, trying to see past Izzie. "George?" Derek called loudly.
"Who is that...?" the voice said, getting louder. "Oh, and you should get chocolate, Izzie… Alex said pregnant women like chocolate…" George appeared at the door beside her. "Oh, it's you," he said.
"Hello, George," Derek smiled.
"George!" Izzie said pointedly.
"What?" George asked, oblivious. "Do you have a list? Write 'chocolate' on the list."
"I can remember chocolate, George!" Izzie said shortly.
"Sorry," George grumbled, "Alex says pregnant women like chocolate."
"How the hell does Alex know what they like?" Izzie said, crossing her arms and turning to face him.
"Um…Ava." George said pointedly.
"Isn't it Rebecca now?" Derek chimed in.
Izzie glared at him.
"What's wrong with Meredith, Izzie?" Derek pressed.
"Nothing you can fix."
"Maybe not. Is she here?" he asked again.
"No-" Izzie said.
"Yes-" George said at the same time.
"Let me in," Derek demanded.
"No," she shook her head. "Cristina gets off her shift anytime, you know. And then she's coming back here."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Derek asked, bemused.
"That she won't be happy to see you," she smirked.
"I'm an attending." Derek said.
"So," Izzie said. "Right now you're just a guy on our porch."
George looked from Izzie to Derek and back.
"So…chocolate…" he added.
"Shut up, George," Izzie said, frustrated.
"Why do you need chocolate?" Derek asked.
"None," Izzie said rudely, "of your business."
"Why are you getting chocolate, Izzie?" he repeated in his best attending voice.
"For Meredith..." George said, finally. "She won't eat...She won't talk, for that matter."
"George-" Izzie glared at him.
"Maybe you should let him in," George continued, glancing at her.
"No." she said resolutely.
"I thought you were going to the store," Derek pointed out.
"I am." Izzie replied, stepping down off the porch. "And don't let him in while I'm gone, George," she said firmly, and then added: "...Seriously."
"Let me in, George," Derek said as soon as Izzie pulled away in Meredith's car.
"I can't." George said.
"Please."
George shook his head.
"O'Malley." Derek said loudly.
"We're not at the hospital, sir," George pointed out, backing inside and pulling the door closed behind him. Derek waited until he saw -through the glass - that George had walked away, and then unlocked the door.
"Hey!" George said, hurrying back into the entrance. "I locked that-"
"I have a key." Derek held it up.
"Give it to me."
"Meredith gave it to me; it's my key."
"Let him in already, O'Malley," Alex called, taking the stairs two at a time.
"Thank you." Derek said appreciatively.
"Whatever," Alex glanced at him and then turned back to George. "Is Izzie back yet? I'm hungry."
"She just left." George said, closing the front door behind Derek.
"Fine, O'Malley, jeez."
The two continued to argue, and after few minutes, Derek edged around them and headed for the stairs. He took them two at a time and slowed when he reached the landing, hesitant. Meredith had said that she loved him, and for a moment, they had been so close to everything he had told her he wanted…but was a baby what it came to for her to be ready? Deep down, he knew why he was here -outside of Meredith's bedroom in the hall- but he couldn't make himself admit it. The sounds of George and Alex's argument drifted up from downstairs, and finally, Derek walked over to her door and gently pushed it open.
It was dark; the only light echoed dimly through her bedroom window from the street outside. Derek pushed the door mostly closed behind him and paused. Now there was a strip of yellow light that spread across the floor from the hall outside, perfectly illuminating Meredith's small frame. She was laying on the bed, facing the window with her back to him, and at first Derek thought she might be asleep. Moving further into the room, he reached the end of the bed and spoke, quietly:
"Meredith?"
She stirred slightly and Derek advanced a few steps, waiting. It seemed like an eternity before she answered.
"Go home, Derek." she said softly.
"Meredith," Derek repeated, moving around to her side of the bed so he could see her.
"Please-" Meredith spoke again. "Go home."
"You can't do this," Derek explained, and his voice felt tight. "You can't do this to yourself."
She closed her eyes, a hand held to her small, round baby bump.
"Derek-" she said finally, and he could see her fighting tears, "...It doesn't matter."
"I'm not done, Meredith," he said quickly, surprising himself with his own words. "I'm not…" he reassured. "I'm not done."
"I should have told you," she said softly, and resent filled her voice.
"It doesn't matter," Derek shook his head. "It doesn't matter, Meredith. Just, please-"
"Derek!" Meredith said loudly, and a sob escaped her throat, "I'm fine. Leave me alone."
"I can't," he shook his head, and, reaching out, laid a hand on her belly. It was the most incredible feeling…and it was all, he realized now, that he had wanted to do since he had placed his hands on her in the rain the night before. Moving over slowly, he laid down and wrapped his arms around her from behind, comforting her. For a moment, they were both quiet, and Derek breathed in the lavender scent of her hair as he held her. The headlights of a passing car traveled across the room, lighting up the window, and downstairs, Alex and George had stopped arguing.
Derek didn't want to think about what he had said or what he was feeling or what this meant...he only wanted to lay here, with Meredith, and make himself believe that everything would be okay. She lay still in his embrace, and he realized that everything he had wanted was so close…but as he went again to put his hand to her belly, she suddenly stiffened and pulled away.
"You should go," she said quietly, sitting up and tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.
Derek frowned and sat up also.
"Meredith-" he began to object, but she shook her head.
"You should go, Derek," she repeated, pulling back and standing up.
"Meredith," he implored wearily, "don't do this..."
"Please, Derek," she bit her lip, and crossed her arms across her chest. "Just go."
"Why?" Derek asked angrily, standing up, "Why do you always do this?"
Meredith backed away and shook her head, struggling for an answer.
"I can't..." she said finally.
Derek opened his mouth to object, but paused instead and took a step towards her. She immediately backed away.
He stopped, staring at her with hurt in his eyes.
"Don't do this-" he pleaded.
She glanced away, and briefly closed her eyes. Derek waited. Finally, she turned back to look at him…and shook her head. It was such a small gesture that Derek almost didn't see it through the shadows.
From downstairs, the front door closed loudly as someone came in…Cristina, or maybe Izzie. They both looked towards the bedroom door...Meredith glanced at Derek and then down at the rug. But Derek… he couldn't pull his eyes away from the door…and he couldn't look at Meredith.
"...I'll go," he said finally.
Hi everyone, this was a chapter that I felt necessary as a transition for my story. Thanks for all of the reviews. Next chapter up tomorrow…if I get some feedback on this one! :)