JA/N: So as I mentioned before...I was nominated for two Rizzle awards for this story...shout out mrj726! I'm up for best author and best AU so if you guys like this story vote for my ass. The link is 'Rizzle awards at word press dot net' or something like that. Just type in Rizzle awards on your web browser and you should find the link and where to vote. My screen name is Kissdagrl...so...yaay me! Anyway, this chapter is when things go crazy again. But I didn't want it to be all heart wrenching like it was earlier so I tried to play up the comedy a bit along with all the disaster. I hope I succeeded in making it as funny as it is crazy. Let me know what you guys think...keep the reviews coming...if you guys lose interest in the story I'll stop writing it and focus on something else. Also I got a new beta for my other story Breathless...shout out cjstar! I'll be posting chapters for that story again this week sometime so look out for it. Anyway I'm very proud of this chapter...let me know what you think...it was so much fun to write. And with all that being said...here we go!
Jane
It was Tuesday morning, the morning of the inspection. Neither Maura or I had slept much the night before. Every time I dropped off to sleep Maura would shake me awake with some question or some worried expression about today and I'd have to reassure her that everything would indeed be fine and it would all work out in the end. I had to tell her a million times that she hired slick ass James for a reason and he was the best and that we were all going to get through the inspection together. By the time it was time to get up and get dressed even I was a nervous wreck after the fretful night of trying to placate Maura and coax her to sleep. My nerves were now frazzled and the state of my mind was nothing short of exhausted. I wished the whole situation over as quickly as possible. Worst of all James just called and informed us of him being stuck in traffic on the turnpike and was running really late. That was devastating news. I needed another rational mind with me because Maura was quickly dissolving into a panicking mess.
Maura paced around the apartment nervously. Her breath came rapidly like she'd run a marathon. She was wringing the life from her hands. Her eyes were wide and her skin was pale and I thought she might be working a trench into the floor in the hallway from all her pacing. I was nervous as all hell too, but I didn't have time to focus on my feelings because of my terror that Maura might be on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Maura barely touched her breakfast and had spilled coffee all down the front of the pants suit she was wearing. Poor Maura dissolved into tears over the whole thing. It took myself and Consuela both to steer her back into the bedroom sobbing and wailing to find something else for her to wear. Miss Connie picked the outfit and I tried to coax Maura into not being a blubbering hysterical mess. I wasn't doing a very good job...I kept saying everything the wrong way and Maura would start panicking all over again which made me want to panic right along with her. Worse the DCS social worker hadn't even shown up yet, they weren't due for another fifteen minutes and that didn't seem like enough time to get Maura to stop digging a trench into the floor.
I had no idea why Maura was as nervous as she was. All we had to do was tell the story right. We had a great story and Angela's new bedroom looked like an infant Disney wonderland or something equally over the top. There was absolutely nothing those DCS people could find fault with as far as Angela's living arrangements. Angela's room was bigger than my apartment and everything in it was worth more than me! Even still, Maura was a disaster. I don't know why it mattered so much to her but Maura was furious that she had to wear a pants suit because all her dresses showed off her knees. Her poor knees got skinned during our little bicycling adventure the other afternoon.
That whole thing had been one of the greatest headaches of my life...but it was also outright hysterical. I wish I had thought to wrap Maura in bubble wrap before I put her on a bike though. The woman spent more time falling off the bike than she did actually riding the damn thing. I wish at least I had thought to buy knee pads and elbow pads. I wasn't aware when Maura said she was clumsy, what she really meant was she was the queen of uncoordination. It was so bad that somehow she even gave me a black eye with her elbow when I tried to run along side her and hold the bike while she figured out how to balance. I ended up on my back wailing and moaning with Maura leaning over me crying and begging forgiveness. I tried to convince myself that it was a natural thing for someone who didn't know how to ride a bike to cause bodily harm to those around them...but when I saw my damaged eye in Maura's pocket mirror and Maura's skinned knees we hobbled and cursed our way back to the apartment. I decided right then and there I'd have to wear a helmet next time along with body armor and wrap Maura's ass up in a foam suit or something.
"You both look like mess!" Consuela hissed running between the two of us with a furrowed brow and many scolding words.
Maura and I just hobbled home from our bike riding adventure and Maura was laid up on the couch with her legs across my own. I was sitting there feeling light-headed and dizzy from the ferocious elbow I took to the eye. Franklin Thomas stood on the back of the couch trying to lick my injured eye in between barking at Consuela who was dabbing hydrogen peroxide on Maura's knees.
"I think I need to go to a hospital." I wailed moving my hand in front of my eyes and wondering why three hands were waiving at me instead of just one.
"You fine...you just need ice...and more of common sense." Miss Connie chided me gesturing toward me with the peroxide bottle and spilling some all over my shirt.
"HEY!" I grumbled, "Cut it out. And what do you mean I need more common sense? I didn't do anything wrong here!" I eyed Consuela's three dancing heads angrily.
Consuela only scoffed.
"Why you take doctor to ride bicycle when she don't know how? Now knees all tore up and you face look like you beaten! Both look like mess...like you got in street fight." Consuela sighed dabbing at Maura's knees again.
"We did get in a street fight...well...Maura got in a fight with the street...the street won!" I cracked.
"Connie, Jane didn't know I'd be so dismal at riding a bike. She was very sweet to try and teach me to ride. It's all my fault this happened, look what I did to her pretty face." Maura moaned.
Maura looked like a mess, her hair was damp and stringy with sweat, her face red and flushed from overexertion and embarrassment, and her eyes were heavy and low with weariness. All in all we both looked ridiculous. I refused to let Maura wallow in her misery though. Even though I felt like I might have a concussion and I could barely see out of my left eye; I'd still had a lot of fun at least attempting to teach Maura how to ride a bike...even if she was a dismal student.
"Awww Maur! It's nothing a little make up can't fix," I looked over at Maura and tried to smile pleasantly.
Maura looked up at me and gave me something close to a half laugh half sob.
"Your eye is almost swollen shut, you're going to have to wear a patch like Popeye!" Maura wailed.
I perked up.
"You know who Popeye is Maura?" I exclaimed.
Maura laughed.
"I learned from those silly cartoons you like to watch in the morning." Maura giggled.
I giggled with her.
"That's precious! I did teach you something after all!" I cooed at Maura trying to lean down and kiss her but I had to stop short cause my head got all swimmy again and I accidentally brushed Maura's injured knees. We both just ended up moaning in pain instead of kissing each other.
Franklin Thomas hopped down on Maura's chest and started licking her all about the face. Maura tried to speak but no words came out with FT's tongue all over her lips and nose.
"El DIABLO," Consuela hissed smacking FT on the rear making him yelp and scurry under the coffee table.
"HEY!" I wailed.
"Dog evil like devil!" Consuela said sticking an ice pack over my eye and bandaging up Maura's knees.
"I'm sorry I failed you so badly Jane," Maura wailed covering her eyes with her arm in shame.
I laughed. "It's ok Maura...we'll try again sometime with mid-evil suits of armor so you can't kill us both!"
Maura laughed.
"It would be impossible to balance in a suit of armor."
"It couldn't be much worse than you were doing without one," I laughed hysterically.
Maura swatted me with a magazine.
"OWWW," I feigned pain, "Maybe you just like being abusive." I teased.
"Oh don't even." Maura scoffed.
"I'm just saying we're both a little worse for wear."
Maura sighed while Consuela grumbled under her breath as she finished bandaging us up.
"It's a really pretty bike though," Maura smiled at me.
"It's a lot prettier than the two of us right now," I shot back sarcastically.
We both chuckled and then groaned in pain.
"Maura, you gotta calm down...everything is going to be ok." I pleaded with Maura for like the hundredth time this morning.
Maura stopped her pacing just long enough to smile at me nervously.
"Jane your eye is just...oh my goodness! And James is running late! I need him here, he's supposed to be here!" Maura wailed and continued on digging her trench into the hallway.
"He can't help that there is traffic Maura. He'll be here as soon as he can. And my eye is fine...I can see out of it...sort of! Stop fretting, you're freaking me out!" I hissed.
In all actuality the entire left side of my face was purple and blue from my lips up and it hurt like hell! But I couldn't tell Maura that, not now, not while she looking like she was going to dig a trench to the center of the earth with her pacing.
Franklin Thomas scurried past with a shoe in his mouth. I grumbled and cursed in frustration. I think FT knew something big was going on today and he was doing his best to make everything worse for everyone.
"Little rat dog," Consuela screamed when FT made his way through the kitchen with the shoe.
I chased after FT leaving Maura alone with her panic.
"Dog always eating shoe and causing havoc." Consuela wailed chasing my silly dog around the dining table with a broom again.
Franklin Thomas only yipped with the shoe in his mouth and pranced around showing off his prize. I snatched the shoe from him and swatted his butt with it as he ran by me.
"Not today you little shit," I growled at him.
FT only turned his head sideways and barked at me playfully thinking I wanted to play a game with him.
"GO away and make yourself scarce. You better not be bad while the social worker is here or you'll find yourself back in one of those sad puppy commercials again." I hissed at him running back to the bedroom and tossing Maura's shoe on the bed.
I heard the intercom buzz. Panic set in. I felt my heart begin to race and my stomach drop to the floor. I clenched my chest and tried to steady my breathing. I wish I didn't feel like I needed to poop so bad. This had to go well, Angela's welfare depended on it. Maura's reputation depended on it. My life depended on it. It all came down to this. I heard the elevator ding and Consuela greeted the social worker in that horrible accent of hers. I closed my eyes, took two deep breaths and turned around to find Maura standing in the bedroom door wild-eyed and white-faced. I sighed heavily and moved to sweep Maura into a crushing hug.
"It's gonna be ok Maura, James said it wouldn't take more than an hour and he'll be here soon to help us through it. And then it's over until next month." I tried to sound as reassuring as possible.
Maura fell into the hug trembling.
"I can't lie," she whispered in my ear.
I rolled my eyes.
"Yes you keep saying that. Just let me do the talking ok." I said taking Maura's hand and leading her into the living room.
We walked into the living room to find Claire Haverty in another rumpled suit standing behind the couch looking around with quizzical eyes and curious expressions. She was carrying that same brief case heavy with files and her lips carried an unpleasant pout. Consuela was bustling about fluffing pillows and wiping surfaces with her little duster thing.
"Oh...here is doctor and Miss Jane," Consuela said motioning toward Maura and I.
Claire turned around and nodded at us. Her eyes lingered on my swollen eye for a few moments, she looked taken aback by my appearance. I tried to brush it off. I was wearing that Prada suit Maura bought for me but still my eye was a grotesque mess. I wondered what Claire was thinking. I felt Maura's hand reach for mine again and I took it without thinking.
"Please, won't you sit down." I motioned toward the couch.
Claire sat down with a sigh of relief, she let her brief case fall to the floor and pulled out various files laying them out on the coffee table.
I pulled Maura to the love seat where we both sat awkwardly next to each other. Franklin Thomas came running into the living room with a pair of my underwear in his mouth. I wanted to throw something at him. Claire looked at FT wide-eyed as he ran around in circles with my underwear waiving around obscenely. Consuela kept hissing 'Diablo' at him and Maura looked fit to be tied. I grabbed FT by the scruff of the neck and ripped my underwear from his mouth stuffing it in my pocket and laughing nervously at Claire whose mouth was hanging open in amused shock. Consuela shooed FT from the room with many curses before turning to the guest.
"You want coffee?" Consuela asked in a high-pitched nervous voice.
She was wringing her hands and bouncing on her toes nervously. We hadn't told Consuela exactly who Claire was and what was going on. But I figured by Maura's demeanor all morning and my elevated stress level Consuela could figure out for herself that something serious was going down.
"Oh yes please," Claire said politely.
Consuela bowed almost in half at the waist before she scurried off toward the kitchen; she looked ridiculous. I tried not to roll my eyes.
"So..." I said, trying to break the heavy tension in the room.
"Let's get this thing started." I forced a smile on my face.
My eye hurt when I smiled though. I resisted the urge to wince in pain.
Claire cleared her throat and started thumbing through her file again.
"I'd like to see Angela's room first please, we require that children have their own rooms separate from adults." Claire said pleasantly.
"Of course," I piped in happily, "Maura would you like to show Miss Haverty around?" I elbowed Maura slightly in the side to get her to stop looking like she was going to pass out.
"Certainly," Maura squeaked.
I tried not to roll my eyes. I actually sat and waited in the living room while Maura showed Claire around the apartment. Since Maura paid for everything, I figured she at least could show it off. Maybe it would make Maura less nervous...it didn't! Claire and Maura returned to the living room ten minutes later, Maura sat back on the love seat with me twitching nervously, and Claire resumed her place on the couch. I lay my hand on Maura's knee to keep her from shaking it so badly. I tried to give Maura a smile, the smile she gave me in return was more of a nervous grimace!
"Miss Rizzolli, how long have you and Miss Isles had this...this living arrangement?" Claire asked.
She was looking right at me now, studying me. I think she still remembered the way Maura screamed at her in the hospital for not showing me more respect. I remembered that whole thing too...my goal was for that to never happen again. Nobody wanted to see Maura in another rage. Least of all me...I had to live with the woman.
"It's Dr. Isles actually and we've been living together for a little over a week." I said pleasantly.
"Where did you live before you moved here?"
"I have my own apartment across town. Maura and I thought this would be better for Angela." I said squeezing Maura's sweaty hand.
"I see." Claire said curiously "And how did you and Dr. Isles meet?" she said scribbling in her file.
"We met several months ago actually, at a coffee shop." I tried to sound as honest as possible.
Maura was squirming next to me. I squeezed her hand hoping she would stop wiggling so much. She was starting to freak me out again with all her fidgeting...and her hand was sopping wet.
"And...and in three months your relationship evolved into...into what exactly?" Claire Haverty asked studying Maura and I over the rim of her glasses.
She had an odd look on her face that said she wasn't buying into the whole charade.
"Maura and I are...we're good friends," I said confidently.
Claire nodded her head but didn't stop staring at Maura. I looked over at Maura. I wished she wasn't so sweaty and didn't look like she wanted to vomit all over me.
"Dr. Isles, you've taken temporary guardianship over Angela Rizzolli, hired Miss Rizzolli to work at your foundation, and offered Miss Rizzolli a place to live in your own home. Why would you do that for someone you met at a coffee shop a few months ago?" Claire asked studying Maura intensely.
Claire's eyes stayed locked on Maura, so did my own. You could have cut the tension in the room with a knife. Where the fuck was James when you needed him?
"I-I-I...Jane is a good friend of mine." Maura said finally.
I squeezed her hand. She looked like she was going to pass out.
"I see. I find that interesting because records show you actually live and work in Boston most of the year. In fact...since February 24, the day you supposedly met Miss Rizzolli, you've only spent a total of thirteen days in New York. I'm curious as to how you and Miss Rizzolli became so close?" Claire asked never taking her eyes from Maura's panicked face.
"We talked all the time..."I tried to cut in
"...I'd like Dr. Isles to answer the question please." Claire interrupted me.
I looked back at Maura...she seemed completely at a loss for words. I grew extremely nervous now. Maura always said she couldn't lie...but good grief. She really did look like she was going to pass out. Her hand was so sweaty my fingers were starting to prune. I started to panic all over again. If Maura didn't come up with something to say, and fast, this whole thing was going to unravel like bad crochet. I grew more and more nervous the longer it took Maura to answer. I tried to squeeze her hand for reassurance but I don't think I was getting through to her. Maura's face was pale, she pursed her lips so tightly they were turning blue. If my left eye wasn't so fucked up I would think the skin around her neck was turning an angry red. What the hell was wrong with her?
"Ummm Jane and I have gotten very close over the last few months via text messaging and...and internet chat...and...and...and!" Maura's skin was turning a violent shade of red; even my bad vision couldn't miss it this time. Angry splotches were breaking out all over the place and she was scratching at her neck furiously.
"Maura...are you ok?" I whispered to her in a panic.
Maura looked at me wide-eyed and terrified. I really did think she was going to puke all over me until I heard a great crashing in the kitchen and the sound of many dishes breaking and scattering all over the floor.
"EL DIABLO!" Consuela raved.
Every head in the room turned toward the kitchen. Claire looked concerned and a little scared. I jumped up and ran into the kitchen to find Consuela flat on her back moaning in pain. A silver tray was lying next to her and pieces of broken dishes, food, and coffee was everywhere. FT was running around gobbling down cookies and prancing excitedly at all the treats he'd made available for his delight. I knew FT had something to do with the hell going on in the kitchen. I wanted to scream, I wanted to pull my hair out, I wanted shake Franklin Thomas like a maniac but I couldn't do that. Not now. Not with that damn social worker sitting in the living room alone with Maura who looked like she needed a puke bag and a whole bottle of ointment.
"JESUS CHRIST!" I hissed through gritted teeth. "Franklin Thomas get the hell outta here now," I cursed at my evil puppy.
I picked up the broom and swatted at him running all around the kitchen trying to shoo him away. Maura appeared in the room looking like she went swimming in a pool of sweat and scratching at the angry red splotches all over her skin. She was jumping from foot to foot and whining pathetically as she tried to scratch at her skin.
"Maura good LORD!" I hissed at her.
What the hell was wrong with her?
"Oh my goodness," Maura gasped when she saw the scene playing out in front of her.
"Maura...help me. We gotta get Consuela up before Claire comes in here and see this madness," I raved running around like a maniac with the broom.
"OH Dear," Maura wailed moving to help Consuela who was spitting curses about 'Diablo' and 'satan' and many other things it wouldn't be appropriate to repeat.
I finally gave up chasing FT and moved to help Maura get Consuela back on her feet. Maura and I heaved and swore under our breath as we brought Consuela back to a standing position. Consuela's uniform had coffee and food crumbs covering the entire front. The whole situation was ridiculous. I could have put my fist through a wall. How could this be happening and on today of all days? And why did Maura look like she was turning into a tomato?
"Lets get her to the guest bedroom," I said struggling with Consuela's bulk.
Maura and I shuffled Consuela down the hall past the social worker who was looking at us with furrowed brows and wide eyes.
"It's nothing," I lied as we passed her "Just a little accident," I tried to laugh lightheartedly. My voice sounded more like squeaky nervous desperation.
We lay Consuela on the bed who was moaning about her achy back. I kneeled down next to the bed panting and grumbling. Maura was back to hopping around and squealing and trying to scratch at her inflamed skin.
"What the hell is going on with you?" I hissed at Maura between my own gasps for air.
Maura looked down at me nervously.
"I have...my body has an immediate reaction to high amounts of stress and lying makes me break out into hives." Maura wailed hopping around again and scratching all over her body.
Her eyes were wild and panicked. Her hair was falling out of its pretty pin and her disheveled suit was twisted oddly on her body.
"You break out in hives when you lie?" I asked incredulously. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my whole entire life. What the hell are we going to do?" I wailed collapsing onto the floor and laying on my back muttering and moaning right along with Consuela.
"I'm sorry Jane. I can't help it. It's just something that happens." Maura wailed.
"El Diablo be death of me," Consuela moaned on the bed.
"Jesus Christ Consuela you ain't gonna die." I hissed from the floor. "You aren't the one covered in fucking hives," I spat angrily.
I shouldn't have been so mean to Consuela but I only had the energy for one disaster at a time. My head was starting to pound.
"We have to go back out there Jane...we have to get through this." Maura said hysterically scooting around the bed to stare down at me on the floor.
"Oh no...you aint going back out there Miss 'I break out into fucking hives if I lie'." I said looking up at her with narrowed eyes full of disbelief.
Maura looked ridiculous. Red welts shown all over her face and neck and arms. I felt terrible for being so angry with her, she really did look like an awful mess. I'm sure she was extremely uncomfortable by the condition of her inflamed skin.
"I have to. I have temporary guardianship of Angela. Claire has to talk to me." Maura insisted.
She looked like she wanted to vomit again. I rolled my eyes and beat my fist into the floor furiously a few times. How was this happening?
"This is fucking out of control, how is this happening! I can't believe I agreed to this madness! Now we're stuck in this craziness...you and me both! This has just got to work out...this nightmare is turning into a night terror!" I raged in a hushed whisper quivering with stress and fury.
I managed to make it to my feet again, "Look...I'm going to go get some Tylenol for Consuela's back and my fucking headache... and your ass needs some Benadryl or something for your damn hives. You look insane!" I hissed.
"Then we have got to go back out there and play house like this shit is normal." I said shaking Maura's shoulders in my frustration.
"You have just got to get it together. This was your idea remember? Suck it the fuck up!" I hissed.
I was grinding my teeth so hard I could feel the vibrations in my head. Maura dissolved into tears.
"I'm sorry Jane I thought I could do it. I thought it would all be ok. But I c-c-cant seem to figure out how n-n-not to lie." Maura wailed and sobbed into her hands.
I rolled my eyes and shook my head in disbelief.
"God help me," I wailed in my head.
"Ok...ok...ok...ok sweetheart it's gonna be ok," I said wrapping my arms around Maura's shaking sobbing hive ridden little body.
"I-I-I'm letting everyone d-d-down," Maura cried into my chest.
I rolled my eyes over her shoulder and rubbed my hand up and down her back trying to soothe some sense back into Maura.
"You have just got to stop crying Maura...this isn't making anything better. Claire Haverty is probably thinking we're weird as hell right about now. Look...you go get the Tylenol and Benadryl and calm down. I'll clean up the kitchen and try and get back in here. Maybe we can salvage this," I tried to sound reassuring.
"M'kay" Maura said trying to choke back her tears.
I rolled my eyes and ran out the room.
"I'm sorry about all that...we're...we're...we're having some technical difficulties," I said nervously to Claire as I shuffled past her again.
I cursed when I walked back into the kitchen. There was mess everywhere, food, coffee, broken glass, sugar, creamer, spoons...everything was just everywhere. I ran around like a maniac trying to clear everything up off the floor. I didn't even bother with being quiet. I cursed and raved the whole time throwing everything into the sink and trashcan and all the while wishing I could strangle Franklin Thomas. Maybe it was best this happened though. A few more seconds longer and Maura would have thrown up all over me or passed out or something. This was just an unbelievable nightmare. I spotted an opened bottle of wine on the counter from last nights dinner. I dropped what I had in my hands in the sink, grabbed the bottle, and ran the back way around to the guest bedroom and popped the cork as soon as the door closed behind me. Maura was gulping from a Benadryl bottle and Consuela was shoveling pills down her throat. I rolled my eyes and turned up the bottle of wine in my mouth. I gasped for air when I had taken a couple long swigs.
"God I needed that." I hissed setting the bottle on the dresser next to me.
Maura moved and grabbed the bottle drinking heavily herself.
"Maybe you shouldn't mix alcohol and Benadryl Maura," I said concerned at what the mixture could do.
Maura's eyes went wide and she pulled the bottle from her mouth a little to quickly, red wine dribbled all down her chin and the front of her white shirt.
"JESUS CHRIST!" I wailed pulling the bottle from Maura's hand.
Maura started crying all over again.
"My shirt! It's ruined!" she sobbed.
"Oh fuck your shirt...!" I hissed "What's ruined will be our lives if we don't get this shit together!" I raved turning up the wine bottle and taking another long swig.
"Oh Jane...I can't go out there looking like this!" Maura cried and pouted.
"Oh good LORD! I gotta finish cleaning up the kitchen..."
"...Oh...my back!" Consuela wailed
"Consuela damnit...just relax the pills will kick in soon!" I hissed across the room.
"I gotta finish cleaning up the kitchen...you change your shirt and meet me back in the living room when you get your shit together ok!" I sighed heavily.
I was weary to death already and it had only been thirty minutes.
"Ok...Ok...I can do this," Maura said wiping her tears and looking up at me with those pretty sparkling eyes.
"Yes Maura...you can do this," I insisted.
I pecked her on the lips before I darted out of the room again. I attacked the mess in the kitchen with a renued fury. I was crawling around all over the place on my hands and knees scooping up bits of broken glass with the dust pan and mini broom when I felt someone else in the room.
"Ahem Ahem," I heard a voice clear.
I turned around and looked over my shoulder to find Claire staring down at me curiously.
"Oh...Claire...hello," I said breathlessly.
"FUCK!" I swore in my head.
I knew I must have been a site scooting all over the floor on my hands and knees. My pants knees were wet with coffee and I had crumbs all over my clothes.
"I wanted to ask you while Dr. Isles was away..." Claire paused as if trying to figure out exactly what she wanted to say.
She looked over her shoulder nervously as if to check to make sure she couldn't be overheard.
"Is...is Dr. Isles abusing you in some way?" Claire asked me gently like she was talking to some battered wife.
"WHAT?" I shot back.
What the hell was this woman talking about?
"It's just that...you have an awful black eye and Dr. Isles seems particularly nervous every time you speak. It's like she's trying to hide something and doesn't want you to say anything that might incriminate her." Claire said kindly.
She was almost patronizing in her manner. Her face had that forced, 'I'm your friend' look on it and her smile was making me sick. I turned my head and sighed. I almost started laughing. This was so ridiculous I just couldn't believe it.
"Claire...no Maura isn't abusing me. She elbowed me in the eye on accident." I said standing up again and leaning against the kitchen counter heavily.
Claire moved to stand next to me. The woman actually rubbed my back and pulled me into a tight hug.
"It's more common than you think for wealthy patrons to take in less fortunate women and offer them what seems like an exciting new life. When the abuse starts the battered women often feel like they have no one to confide in and no one will believe them, and they're scared to leave their abusers. But I will help you. I can get you and Angela to a safe place if you're willing to testify to your abuse." Claire said squeezing me tightly.
I wanted to die...I wanted to die and punch Claire Haverty in the fucking face before I did.
"I'm not being abused Claire. Dr. Isles is very good to me." I grumbled through gritted teeth, I was so angry I was seeing red.
Claire released me from the hug and held me at arm's length studying me. Her face had that awful sympathetic look on it again that was making me want to grab her by the throat.
"I know something is off here. I know your story doesn't add up or make sence. I also know you'd do anything to keep your child, including staying in an abusive relationship. But this isn't the way sweetheart. I know Dr. Isles is a very powerful person and has many tools at her disposal to keep you locked under her spell but you can get out...I can help you get out of here. But you have to testify to your abuse. You have to tell the truth about your situation."
I was so stunned and furious I didn't even know what to say. I knew my jaw was opening and closing but nothing was coming out but stutters and stammers and random curses.
"Is the abuse sexual as well, is Dr. Isles forcing you to perform sexual acts in payment for your staying here with her?"
"Oh GOD!" I wailed pulling out of the woman's arms and throwing my hands over my head in disbelief and frustration.
"This is ridiculous. What is wrong with you? Maura is my friend...there is no...no sexual abuse good GRIEF!" I said turning and banging my head against the refrigerator over and over again.
"These situations aren't as uncommon as you think. Powerful people often prey on helpless women like yourself forcing them to do things they wouldn't normally do. Abusers always promise to care for their purchased whores in return for sexual favors."
"Stop saying that. That's not what's going on here." I cried continuing to bang my head against the fridge.
"Jane sweetheart," Maura called out to me reappearing in the kitchen.
I turned toward her and tried to smile through my panic. Maura looked just as disheveled as when I left her but at least she was wearing a clean shirt and her hives had gone away. Thank God for that at least...I couldn't thank him for much more at the current moment, what I needed to do was start praying. It would take a miracle for us to get out of this mess in one piece. Maura's eyes went wide when she saw Claire standing in the kitchen with me.
"W-W-what's going on?" Maura asked timidly.
"Claire here thinks you beat me up!" I blurted out before I could think better of it.
Claire looked at me shocked before turning to Maura and fixing her with her most haughty gaze.
"I was asking Miss Rizzolli how she came to have that black eye," Claire said studying Maura with narrowed accusing eyes.
"I...it was an accident. I didn't mean to elbow her in the face." Maura wailed.
Maura looked like she was about to start freaking out again. Her face had gone all pale and she was sweating like a maniac again.
"Seeee, it was an accident." I raved at Claire.
Claire didn't seem satisfied in the least.
"Are you forcing Miss Rizzolli to perform sexual acts on you in exchange for your taking care of her?" Claire asked Maura bluntly.
Maura looked like she was going to pass out for real. She was looking between me and Claire like a deer caught in headlights. I wished to God she didn't look so guilty in the face.
"Jesus Christ," I said moving to stand by Maura.
I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her body into mine.
"I told you already it's not like that," I almost yelled at Claire.
"Miss Rizzolli, I'm going to have to ask you to return to the living room while I speak with Dr. Isles." Claire said calmly.
Steam was coming out of my ears. I was also terrified to leave Maura alone with this woman. I knew if I did something awful would happen. Plus Maura looked like guilt on a silver platter and I was starting to panic all over again.
"Oh NO...I'm not leaving you alone to insult and torment Maura for nothing! I've told you nothing weird is going on between us. We're just friends," I raved.
"I know what you told me. But I've seen Dr. Isles' temper for myself. I believe she may have forced or threatened you to say those things to protect her and this arrangement you two have. Forced prostitution and sex slavery is very serious Miss Rizzolli."
I spat a million curses. I started to protest again but Maura cut me off.
"JANE is not a WHORE, I've never brought a whore to my house and I never will. Jane assumed she was about to sell her body for money when I first met her...but I've never treated her like anything less than the wonderful woman she..."
I wrapped my hand around Maura's mouth and laughed nervously. Maura had been raging at Claire...raging like she did that time in the hospital. I don't even think Maura realized what she was saying was tearing apart every bit of our well thought our story. Not that Maura was very good at following the story in the first place but still, this was a nightmare! I knew she was just trying to stand up for me...everytime I called myself a whore or a prostitute Maura freaked out on me too! But this was neither the time nor the place for Maura to lose her damn mind. I was sweating and stammering in my own panic now. What Maura said couldn't be taken back. Claire was looking between the two of us wide-eyed and gape jawed. My mind raced furiously, my eye throbbed like crazy, my stomach felt like there was a pound of ice in it...and I really really had to poop, mostly from bad nerves and stress.
"Holy fuck!" I thought.
I had to think fast.
"OH dear...Maura you've spilled something on your shirt," I said reaching for a coffee cup on the table and splashing it all over Maura's fresh new shirt.
Maura looked up at me in fury and frustration. I still hadn't taken my hand from over her face. I couldn't chance Maura running off at the mouth again like a freaking train wreck of unnecessary information in front of the damn social worker. I put the now empty coffee cup back on the counter and shuffled Maura from the kitchen never taking my hand from her mouth.
"Let's just get you cleaned up," I said nervously, "We'll be right back," I said to Claire before grabbing Maura's hand and sprinting from the room dragging Maura behind me.
"WHAT in the FUCK was THAT!" I hissed as soon as we were safely in the guest room and I closed the door behind us.
"I'm sorry Jane. I don't know what happened! She was accusing you of being a prostitute and I just...I couldn't let that happen!" Maura wailed falling into an arm-chair and shaking her head like she was in a world of misery.
"Oh God! What are we going to do now?" I wailed laying out on the floor on my back again.
I was so exhausted and furious and panicked I didn't even want to get up from the floor again. I just wanted to sleep and dream and pray that when I woke this will all have just been a bad dream.
"What has happened?" Consuela said from the bed.
"Maura is ruining my LIFE!" I cried closing my eyes. What Maura revealed to the social worker was devastating to both of us.
"Jane I'm so sorry," Maura wailed from her chair.
Maura was crying again. I could hear her sobs from my place on the floor.
"What has happened on your clothes. Evil Diablo dog attack you?" Consuela raved.
"No...Jane threw coffee on me because she hates me," Maura cried.
I rolled my eyes.
"WHY you throw coffee on doctor...you evil like dog!" Consuela hissed at me.
"I didn't throw coffee on her to hurt her Consuela...I did it so we had an excuse to get the hell away from that freaking social worker." I wailed banging the back of my head against the floor.
"Why you not say s'cuse me and leave? Why you need make mess?" Consuela asked.
"I panicked. Shit got crazy...I got crazy...Maura got really crazy." I wailed
"Maura what the hell are we going to do?" I cried.
"I don't know...I don't know," Maura sobbed.
I wanted to melt into the floor but I heard the elevator ding at that very moment.
"James!" I said shooting to my feet and running out the door and down the hallway to meet James stepping off the elevator.
"Wow this place is NICE!" he said looking around.
James was wearing a sharp suit as always and he was immaculate. I thanked every God in heaven that at least one person was in one piece and not covered in some kind of food or beverage substance.
"James...OH my GOD James everything is going to hell. You have to help me!" I said grabbing James' hand and hustling him down the hallway toward the guest bedroom.
"What's going on Jane...you look hysterical?" James hissed at me.
"I am fucking hysterical," I hissed back.
"What in the hell is going on? Where is the social worker?" James asked.
His eyes were wild and unbelieving. What the hell must he have been thinking?
"James...she's in the kitchen or somewhere. Everything has just gone to hell. Maura let slip that I was a whore...Claire thinks I'm being held hostage as a sex slave or something, she doesn't believe our story...Maura broke out into fucking hives earlier and everything is a nightmare!" I wailed shaking my head furiously and gritting my teeth.
"How did all of this happen? Why didn't you guys stick to the story!" James raged in a hushed whisper.
"I tried...but Maura started freaking out and broke into hives in front of Claire cause she had to lie! Then Franklin Thomas tired to kill Consuela. Then Claire cornered me in the kitchen and asked me if Maura was beating me and shit! Then Maura went all crazy when Claire accused her of holding me as a sex slave! Maura even blurted out that she met me when I was a whore! What the hell are we going to do now James?" I spat in frantic whispers pulling James into the bedroom and closing the door behind us.
Maura still hadn't stopped crying. Consuela was standing over her trying to get her to calm down. James looked like he didn't know what in the hell to make of all this or what the hell to say.
I just lay on the floor again. I didn't have the strength to stand. I just lay there and banged my head against the floor over and over as if to knock the horror of my situation from my mind.
"What has happened to make you two act so strange?" Consuela asked.
"Maura told the social worker I was a whore." I repeated angrily.
Why hide it. The whole world was going to know by nightfall.
"You no whore...you big menace but you no whore." Consuela spat out.
"Yes Consuela...I know that. But Maura made a mistake and now the sky is fucking falling. That social worker thinks Maura is holding me hostage here and making me sleep with her in exchange for a place to live and me keeping my daughter. They are gonna take my baby from me!" I said softly.
There were tears streaming down my face. What was going to happen now? What was Claire writing in that folder of hers? What did she think of me? What did she think of Maura? How could this all be going to badly? I thought everything would be ok! I thought I had it all, how could I have asked for more? I thought Maura was my knight in shining armor. I thought I'd never make it without her. Now I felt like I was drowning right along with her. I thought only of Angela. I thought only of her precious face and the way she giggled when she looked at me. I thought of the smell of her hair and the touch of her skin. I thought of all the love I had in my heart for only her. I thought about how much she looked like my mother. I thought of my mother. I missed her so much! I was failing her, I was failing my daughter, I was failing myself...I was a failure, always had been, always would be!
"That silly! I speak to silly lady myself," Consuela exclaimed leaving Maura's side and exploding out of the room before anyone could stop her.
"OH shit," I said scrambling to my feet.
"James...get Maura to calm down...I'm going after the damn maid!" I hissed running out the door after Consuela
"Who dis woman?" Consuela said to me when I came bounding around the corner to notice a very shocked looking Claire and a very furious looking Consuela standing in the middle of the living room.
"Consuela...this is Claire...the social worker, leave her alone! Lets go back to the bedroom and calm down." I hissed at Consuela.
I knew my eyes were burning with fury and my throat hurt from trying to contain the screaming I really wanted to be doing. The last thing I needed right now was Consuela adding a fan to the shit storm Maura already started.
"Let me tell you bout Miss Jane social worka woman. Miss Jane is have bad mouth and is have bad attitude, she messy and have evil puppy for dog friend. She no eat good food or speak nice to elders or hang up towel in bathroom. But she no whore! Miss Jane love daughter and she love doctor! She teach doctor to be normal, to ride bike, to eat cake, to laugh at joke, to listen to good music, to have fun, to be friendly. Doctor never be so happy before Miss Jane come here. Now doctor smile all da time and laugh when something funny, she even watch cartoon! Jane is lot of things...but she no whore! Jane and Doctor good friends...they be friends long time and no thanks to you and prying questions! Doctor even make silly gay man build nursery for Miss Jane's baby! When baby come home...she have beautiful house and beautiful room and beautiful toys to play with! Doctor never bringing guest here before...now house full of noise and laughter and baby stuff and evil Diablo dog. You bring only chaos into house with you. Everything fine before you come here miss social worka! Now everyone crying and much panic and many messes! You leave now and take silly file with you!" Consuela said with a huff and her hand on her hips.
Everyone in the room was silent. I was staring at Consuela with my mouth hanging open and so was Claire. Consuela had a satisfied look on her wrinkled frowning face and was tapping her foot impatiently. She looked insane in her coffee stained uniform and wild hair all over her head. It seemed everyone was losing their damn minds at the same time...and it could not have been a worse time! I would have said something to dissuade the tension but the sound of Franklin Thomas' growling stopped me short.
"FRANKLIN THOMAS!" I screeched.
My dog was on top of the coffee table tearing away at the files Claire left on the table. Bits of paper were flying everywhere and I was panicking all over again. James came running down the hallway. I leaped over the couch to grab my dog but FT darted out of my reach with the folder still in his mouth. I fell over the couch, legs over head, and landed on the floor with a thud. Claire was shrieking, James was running around the room trying to grab FT. Maura came running down the hallway in her stained ridiculous looking suit wide-eyed and flustered.
"What's going on?" she shrieked.
"El DIABLO!" Consuela screamed running around the room in the opposite direction as James trying to corral my puppy.
FT ran between Consuela's legs and James and Consuela crashed into each other knocking heads hard and falling backward on the floor holding their heads and moaning in agony. I tried to get to my feet and lunge at Franklin Thomas again but I slipped on a piece of paper and went flying over the coffee table and landed in a heap all over again.
"Son of a BITCH!" I wailed holding my throbbing elbow and cursing violently.
Maura was frozen on the spot sobbing and crying. Consuela was rolling around on the floor wailing about her back and her head, Claire had retreated to a corner standing there in shock with her hands over her mouth and her eyes wide with the chaos unfolding before her. Franklin Thomas was still prancing around with the file in his mouth! James was the first to recover. He ran all around the room finally cornering FT.
"I got you now you little shit!" James said triumphantly.
FT crouched down and dropped the file growling at James dangerously.
"Give me that!" James hissed reaching for the file.
But Franklin Thomas was ahead of him. FT got a running leap and latched on the James' testicles with his little puppy teeth.
"AAAAHHHHHH!" James screamed punching at FT with his fist.
Franklin Thomas was swinging from James' privates like Tarzan in a fucking tree. I picked up a remote and threw it at FT nailing him in the back of the head. Franklin Thomas yelped and let go of James and ran out of the room.
"AHHH my nuts...my nuts and my dick...my nuts and my dick!" James wailed collapsing to the floor on his knees and crying like a little girl.
His face had turned red and his eyes were bulging out of his head as he clutched his private area.
"James are you ok?" Maura cried out rushing to his side.
James fell over on his side and whimpered and sobbed squirming and writhing in pain. Consuela was crawling around on the floor trying to gather up the torn files and cursing under her breath. I was trying to get back to my feet but my head was all swimmy and my eye hurt like a bitch. I started laughing at some point. I just couldn't help it. What else was I going to do? This whole thing had been a disaster and was growing worse by the second. I finally stood on my feet and turned to Claire's shocked face trembling in the corner.
"Perhaps...perhaps we should do this another time," I said my shoulders sagging in defeat.
Claire didn't speak for a while. Her eyes were darting everywhere around the room taking in all the chaos and horror.
"NO...no I think I have everything I need." She said in a high squeaky voice.
"We can do this again...I feel like everything got a little bit out of hand," I protested looking around the room myself.
I started chuckling again. James was still crying and wailing and holding his testicles, Maura was crying with him trying to rub his back and comfort him. Consuela had stuffed as much of the paperwork back in the file as she could, but there were still shredded bits of paper all over the living room. My eye hurt like crazy, my stomach burned from alcohol and my elbow throbbed from my fall.
"NO NO!" Claire said grabbing the file from Consuela and moving to gather up her briefcase.
"I'm just going to leave now. I'll...I'll file my report with the department tomorrow. You have a nice day." Claire said rushing down the hall toward the elevator.
I ran after her.
"Claire...don't judge me based on everything that just happened...this...this isn't normal," I insisted desperately.
"Oh...no I'm sure it's not," Claire laughed nervously. "I'll send James my report tomorrow," and with that Claire got on the elevator and was gone.
I sighed staring at the closed door of the elevator.
"Fuck!" I cursed loudly.
I stalked back down the hallway into the chaos of the living room. Consuela was laid out on a couch moaning about her back again, James was still on the floor whimpering and Maura was rocking back and forth on her rear shaking her head and sobbing softly to herself. I walked to the kitchen opened the refrigerator grabbed two beers and walked back to the living room. I flopped down on the couch and kicked my feet up on the coffee table.
"That did not go well!" I said popping the top on the first beer and draining it in three gulps.
A/N: Don't worry...all my stories have happy endings!