AN: Hello again. It's been a little while, but I hope you don't think this chapter has taken too long.
Just because I haven't said this in a while… I don't own Dragonball Z. If I did, Pan would never have existed. This fanfiction is getting steadily closer to shounen-ai, so if this freaks you out in any way… then I'm surprised you've read this much of the story.
One last note, if you want it, then I'm thinking about writing a prequel to this story, which tells Vegeta and Kakarot's story. Please let me know if you want the story to go ahead. It will only be written if there are enough people that want to read it.
Chapter Eight – The Same Mistake
It's supposed to be one of the most wonderful days of your life, and beneath the cloudy haze that seems to have covered your brain, you suppose that to all the onlookers and influences that you call your friends and family, it must look like it is, but inside you're wondering.
The massive wooden doors are pushed open, and light floods the inside of the church. The women gasp and mutter about how beautiful your bride looks.
She is beautiful. The dress is classical. The little pink flowers in her hair highlight her make-up accentuated features.
What a beautiful bride, you think, almost as though she isn't yours to marry.
Isn't this your wedding though?
No.
You feel like you're standing outside, gazing at the inside of the church through someone else's eyes. This isn't what you wanted. This wasn't how your life was supposed to go.
Part of you has already flown away from this situation, leaving behind a half-empty shell for a groom. The part of you that is still there is momentarily distracted as you sense an anomaly in someone's ki.
It's almost like someone else is sad as well. You shouldn't be able to sense that much detail, but you can. A quick scan of people's faces reveals no tears except those that the women shed in excited joy.
But your eyes connect with globes of purple obsidian for a moment, and you know that a lack of tears doesn't necessarily mean contentment, just as the lack of smile doesn't always mean unhappiness.
How could you…?
Echoes of the past mix and mingle with protests against the present.
This isn't right.
"Mr. Piccolo!"
This isn't supposed to happen.
"Hey kid."
This isn't right!
"When I grow up…"
THIS ISN'T RIGHT!
Someone whispers something, and you turn to realise that Videl, your bride, has finished walking up the aisle and is now standing before you in all her splendour. You shake off the feelings; let the guests think it's just nerves; and repeat the lines you've been taught.
But deep down inside; whether they're your thoughts or his, someone is wondering.
Maybe this is the worst mistake you'll ever make.
"This isn't right!" I screamed at you once we had escaped to our rooms, mainly because you were the only one around to scream at. "Vegeta's going to regret this mistake. I know he will!"
"Why?" you asked me, your voice betraying both confusion and a slight hint of anger, directed, I fear, at me because of my decision to take out my own frustration on you. "Did he make the same mistake in your world?"
"No…" I have to admit I hesitated. Anyone that looked at my marriage to Videl would assume we were a perfectly happy couple. Who knew whether Vegeta and Bulma weren't in a similar situation?
"I don't think so," I corrected myself.
"Then how do you know Vegeta is really making a mistake?"
"Aren't you supposed to be on my side?" I joked, trying to cover up my guilt. After gaining so much of your trust I didn't want to tell you about Videl, but you always did have a knack for knowing when I was hiding something.
"What aren't you telling me Gohan?" You didn't even have to say those words. The expression on your face said them clearly enough.
I subconsciously glanced down at the white band on my finger where my wedding ring used to be. I don't know when exactly I lost it, but then, I hadn't been checking for it every couple of hours as I did at home. For all I know I could have left it behind in the other universe.
"Gohan," you pressed gently.
"I…"
Before I knew what was happening you had moved so that you were standing no more than a foot in front of me.
There it was again; that light touch underneath my chin that lifted my head up ever so slightly. Our eyes met, and I melted completely under that gaze.
"What aren't you telling me?"
"I…I…" I tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come unless tears were mixed with them, and I fell into your arms; a sobbing, muttering wreck.
"I didn't mean it!" I cried. "I really didn't, but Mom said… and I thought everyone would hate me… and I thought I loved her but I never really did, and all the time I just kept thinking of what a huge mistake I was making… I really do love you. Please, I'm so sorry. Please believe me; I still love you."
I was vaguely aware that I was rambling, and tried to pull myself together for long enough to tell you the basic facts.
"Her name was Videl," I said, feeling a real sense of pain with every word that came out of my mouth. "We got married, and had a lovely daughter named Pan. My mother wanted me to get married, and I kidded myself into thinking I was in love with Videl, but now I can see I never was. What I shared with you; that was love. What I had with Videl was… an arrangement."
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" you growled.
I couldn't answer for a while. I didn't know the answer myself.
"I suppose," I hesitated, not even sure whether this was correct. "I suppose I wanted to pretend that my marriage had never happened. I wanted to pretend for a while that I had made the right choice."
There was another growl, as though you wanted me to believe that I wasn't forgiven yet.
"I'm sorry," I said. I made an attempt to pull away from you, but your arms wrapped tighter around me, keeping me in place for a moment.
"If you're going to pretend properly," you whispered. "Then you should never talk of her again."
The comment seemed like a double edged blade really. It stung to know that I had upset you, but it was also incredibly comforting. It meant that you were beginning to care for me enough to become possessive, and to be honest, I liked it.
Videl was never spoken of again.
The rest of the palace was in an uproar. Rumours flew around the castle concerning the arrangement between Vegeta and Sierra. Some said that it was all a mistake; that Vegeta would never marry another as long as Kakarot was alive. When I asked you what had happened you only told me that I should talk to Kakumbus about it.
Your advice was the best I could get. I came across the older Saiya-jin while he was in the middle of a heated debate with Kakarot.
"It's difficult enough for him!" Kakumbus barked at the warrior, "but if you keep objecting like this then all you'll succeed in doing is drive the King mad. You have to let him go Kakarot. Just this once!"
"I can't!" Kakarot screamed. "I can't just stand by while she steals my entire reason for being, and you can't expect me to!"
"You can't keep putting doubt into Vegeta either!" Kakumbus continued to yell, seemingly oblivious to the fact that you and I had entered the room.
"Dammit Kakarot! Can't you pull your head in just this once? If you continue to behave like this then all you're going to do is hurt Vegeta!"
With that comment Kakarot fell silent. Kakumbus knew the warrior's weakest spots and was using them to his full advantage.
"Just so you know Kakumbus," Kakarot said. "I hate you for doing this to us. I hate you, and Sierra, and hell, the whole damn Saiya-jin race for burdening Vegeta with a responsibility like this, and I know it's selfish, but I wish Vegeta wasn't a King, and then he wouldn't have to put up with this arrangement."
I chose this as my opening.
"What is the arrangement?" I asked. The other two Saiya-jins turned as one to regard me with an air of surprise. It seemed that neither of them knew I was there until that moment. "I've heard so many rumours that I thought I'd find out for myself. Are Vegeta and Sierra going to be married?"
It was Kakarot that answered. "No," he said, and although I thought this would be good news for the man, his voice was still sad.
"Unfortunately," Kakumbus continued. "There has been a somewhat temporary arrangement agreed upon. Obviously, both parties feel that a permanent coupling would only result in far more hatred and violence than could be contained in the palace, considering that there is no love whatsoever in this match. The main reason it was considered at all was the need for an heir for both races. Therefore Sierra and Vegeta have agreed that Sierra will stay here on Earth for long enough to become pregnant, and then return to her home planet, where the child will be raised until it is time for it to rule."
But, I realised, Vegeta will undoubtedly be killed, either by assassin or poison long before the child could reign, leaving Sierra in charge of the Saiya-jin race. Combine that with the fact that I didn't want to see Kakarot and Vegeta's relationship die because of personal reasons and it meant that I was feeling incredibly uneasy about the situation.
Kakumbus looked from Kakarot to me. Both I and the man that resembled my father were lost in though, so the oldest Saiya-jin left the room without even as much as a farewell.
A strangled cry came from Kakarot's direction. I was unable to tell whether it was a laugh or a sob, and neither, I think, was he.
"I just realised something," he said. "I've had a room on this ship ever since it was constructed, but tonight will be the first time I will have actually used it."
With that a stream of tears came, even though Kakarot was trying his hardest to stop them.
When the night of the arrangement came, no-one could find sleep. It turned out that despite what Kakarot had said, his room remained empty because of its position directly across the hall from King Vegeta's rooms.
Seeing Kakarot as broken as he was filled me with guilt, and I couldn't help but wonder if I had caused you similar pain by abandoning our friendship and marrying Videl.
I gave up on sleep after tossing and turning for a couple of hours, and planned on walking around the ship for a while, in an effort to clear my thoughts.
I didn't ask for your company, but I was incredibly grateful when you wordlessly followed me out the door.
I found Kakarot sitting on the ledge of a fountain, below a flight of steps which led to Vegeta's rooms; as close as he could get without being close enough that sounds of Vegeta and Sierra's 'arrangement' would reach his ears. Kakumbus was there too, nervously pacing up and down the hallway in front of Kakarot.
Kakarot smiled weakly at the two of us, and gestured for us to come and sit beside him by the fountain.
I walked over to him with you walking so close beside me that our arms brushed against one another.
No-one said a word as we sat down beside Kakarot next to the water, and for the longest time the only sound in the hallway was the soft echoing taps as Kakumbus continued to pace. The older Saiya-jin chose to ignore the two of us completely; his attention focussed entirely on the stairway in front of us.
I don't think any of us expected the matter to be resolved that night, but we still waited patiently in silence, each of us absorbed in our own thoughts, as there was nothing else we could do.
Kakarot's eyes remained fixed on the stairs in front of him, barely blinking even when Kakumbus walked directly in front of him.
I had learned long ago that this man wasn't my father, but he was quickly becoming my friend. I could see in his body language how much this was hurting him, and the guilt rose inside me once more.
Had my own marriage to Videl hurt you this way? Mere distance would not have blocked out the cries we made for your sensitive ears. When you first saw Pan did you somehow manage to block out the jealousy, or were the smiles just a façade? Maybe you just couldn't care enough to be jealous.
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that, because I know you do care, and I think I'll take this opportunity to tell you that I truly am sorry. If I could change everything, I would.
Seeing the pain in Kakarot's eyes, I couldn't help but wonder how the Saiya-jin would survive when Sierra's child was born. The pain already seemed enough to be tearing him apart from the inside.
I wanted to reach out to him; to put a comforting hand on top of his own, but I had a feeling it wouldn't be appreciated, so I kept my hands to myself and continued going over the same questions that I had been, feeling more and more guilty with every new thought.
I eventually realised you were watching me, and had been the whole time. I shuffled over a little and curled up against your side. Your arms wrapped around me and held me there as the tears began to fall over my cheeks.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, even though I knew that this Piccolo hadn't felt the pain you have.
You put a finger on my lips to silence me, and the hallway fell into quiet once more.
I don't know how long the four of us waited there, but it felt like hours, if not days. I think I was finally beginning to fall asleep within the safety of your arms when we heard a noise from beyond the staircase. It was only quiet, but in the silence that surrounded us it echoed until it seemed as loud as thunder.
You stayed alert, listening to sounds that we Saiya-jins could not hear. Kakarot started to grow restless. Kakumbus stopped pacing.
The sound of footsteps began to grow louder, and Vegeta appeared above the stairs. His eyes were red and swollen as though he had been crying, and he half ran, half stumbled towards us, wearing only a robe which seemed to have been hastily thrown on before Vegeta had left his rooms.
Kakarot jumped to his feet as soon as the King appeared and ran to catch him just before Vegeta stumbled down the stairs.
"Kakarot?" Vegeta cried, before launching himself at the other Saiya-jin and wrapping his arms tightly around him. Kakarot held Vegeta close, and the two of them began whispering to each other, although I couldn't catch any of the words. From the smile that began to form on your face however, it seemed that things weren't as bad as they might have seemed.
"Where is he?" a screeching voice came echoing down to us. "I'm going to kill him!" A very flustered Sierra appeared at the top of the stairs alongside Vegeta and Kakarot.
Sierra was angry; yes, it definitely appeared that things were starting to go as we hoped.
Sierra had at least taken the time to throw on one of her simpler dresses, and looked furious about whatever had happened in Vegeta's rooms.
"How dare you!" she screamed at Vegeta. It looked as though she was reaching out to strangle the King, and she might have gone through with her attempt had Kakarot not moved so that he was shielding Vegeta completely. Even from where I stood I could tell that if looks could kill, Sierra would have been lying on the floor because of the stare Kakarot was sending her way.
"I can't chose who I desire," Vegeta snapped at the Queen. "This isn't working. The arrangement is cancelled."
Kakarot's smile was so wide it could have brightened the whole room, if it wasn't for the fact that both Sierra and Kakumbus were wearing extremely pronounced scowls.
Sierra's hand moved up so that two fingers rested between her lips and blew. The shrill piercing shriek of a whistle echoed throughout the hall. You doubled over in agony, placing your hands over your ears in an attempt to stop the painful frequency from damaging your hearing.
Sierra ran down the stairs and towards the exit, smiling as two figures emerged from the darkness of the one of the halls.
"You know what this means monkeys?" Sierra smirked as she moved to hide behind her two guardians. "War."