Disclaimer: Don't own Yu Yu hakusho. Ain't making no money from writing this.
Warning: Shounen ai. Angst.
Note 1: Koenma/Yusuke drabble 30_kisses# 2 news, letter; also 30_angsts #6 (listen to your heart cry)
Note 2: Also Keiko/Yusuke.

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The Yu Yu Drabble Chocolate Box Series
"Drabble 10: Koenma 2"

By Yodai Hiro-Ainohimitsu (yes I've hyphenated my old and new name)
On Feb. 20, 2010 at approx. 430 words

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Koenma,

I feel stupid writing this. You know I'm not much for letters or writing. But somehow I feel like I should do this for you. It's not really a big thing. Just hope it means something to you. I hope I meant something to you. You know I'm not much for expressing feelings either. So I guess that's another strike against me? This is going to be so hard for me to say. But you probably saw it coming. It's why you won't talk to me directly anymore. See? I have to write this stupid letter because of you. For you.

I can't help it. I have to keep my promise to Keiko. We're going to get married. I'm sorry you're angry. I'm sorry I've hurt you. I'm sorry…I'm just sorry for everything. You know I love you, and you knew when we started all this that I love her too. She's never been missing from the equation. I never lied about her. Never.

I hope you forgive me one day…

Take care of yourself, binki breath.

-Yusuke/i

Koenma wouldn't cry. Not over that moronic spirit detective of his. Not over the tear smudges on the paper. He brought the paper to his nose. Yes, Yusuke had cried writing "this stupid letter." He could smell the salt from the tears and even Yusuke's scent. It was faint, smelling like lightning and pine and desert.

Then he kissed the tear smudges...trying to remember the velvet of Yusuke's lip...

No, he wouldn't cry.

Yusuke was right. He had known the day would come when Yusuke had to leave him. He'd known from the very beginning. He'd never had Yusuke to himself… always only a half of the boy's heart. Koenma knew he should be grateful to have had even that much from the boy. But still…his heart hurt. His heart cried. But he would not cry.

Botan had given him the letter a little while ago, and he had written Yusuke a reply to return with the ferry woman.

Yusuke,

There's nothing to forgive. But don't forget you have a promise to me now…

I'll be waiting.

-Koenma

P.S. I hope you're not sorry about us. I'm not. And…and you mean everything to me.

Yusuke would be wholly his one day. He knew it. If the boy could promise Keiko, then he could promise Koenma. Time was his only enemy. Just as time was his advantage.

"I will not cry," The prince of Spirit world muttered over and over all the while clutching his chest, the tears finally falling from his eyes.