Resentment

Chapter 10: The one who had no choice

A/N: I own nothing except my mistakes. I'm terribly sorry for my late update, but school really got to me the past few weeks. But I officially graduated, and have a few months of complete freedom in my hands right now, and I'll try my best to focus on continuing this story.

"Run!" Draco practically yelled, but Hermione froze in place as her eyes were glued on his arm. "Granger, get moving!" He shouted, and rolled his sleeve back in place in the process. This seemed to snap Hermione back into focus as she watched the Vanishing Cabinet tremble, and she could feel the tears forming in her eyes as she realized what was happening.

Draco what did you do? Hermione thought, too surprised to say the words aloud. Get out of here, Hermione! Now! The use of her first name was the last portion of conviction she needed as she nodded at him, turning on her heel and running as fast as she could out of the Room of Requirement.

Save them. Do what I couldn't do. His voice broke inside her head, and by now she was at total loss on what to feel. Did she hate him for doing this or could she understand his situation?

Lingering on the insignificant thought of figuring out what she was feeling seemed like the worst idea right now, and so Hermione just kept running, focusing on the only thing she could think of: get to Ron.

Running down the corridor, she strained her eyes as she ran up the few stairs that led to the Gryffindor tower. The torches might have been burning bright, but one moment of lost focus and she'd slip on the stairs, wasting too much of precious time.

Hurrying into the common room, she ran up the stairs to the boys' dormitory, not bothering to knock or wait for someone to open the door. She had been here plenty times before, anyway. Not that the boys appreciated that much, but especially tonight she couldn't care any less.

"Ron!" She hissed, shaking his body as she reached his bed. "Ron, wake up!" Hermione hissed again, this time her voice a little louder. Ron mumbled something, seemingly only half awake. Groaning in frustration, she felt no remorse whatsoever as she pushed against his body, causing him to roll and fall out of bed.

With a loud thud he ended up the ground, and Hermione shot a quick glance around, to see who woke up from that. She saw Neville and Seamus stir in their bed, and with the loud hissing from Ron, Dean woke up as well.

"Hermione? What in the world are you doing here?" Ron asked, his annoyance not cared for to be hidden. He groaned as he got up, massaging the spot on the back of his head where he had fallen to the ground. "Ron, they're here."

"What are you talking about? Who's here?" Looking around in the darkness, her eyes landed on Neville, who had seemed to have woken up enough to follow their conversation.

"You were right, Ron. He's one of them. And they're here. The Death Eaters." This seemed to awaken the four boys completely, and simultaneously they jumped out of bed, reaching for their wands.

As if on cue, they could hear Bellatrix's high pitched laughter, a shrieking sound that echoed off the castle walls. All of them taking this as their moment to use what they have been training for last year, they left the Gryffindor Tower and followed Bellatrix's laughter down the castle.

The guidance of Bellatrix was no longer necessary when they reached the Entrance Hall, where an ordeal of lightning were illuminating the scene. Dozens of Death Eaters were fighting against the Order, Killing curses blandly thrown by the Death Eaters.

Joining the fight, she threw a Stunning curse at one of the Death Eaters fighting Lupin, and he gave her a grateful nod before turning to another one, Hermione doing the same thing. This experience outweighed anything they had been through the last few years, bodies falling here and there beside her. And she had no second to waste to take a break and see who it was, or else she'd be joining them on the floor.

But what didn't escape her notice when fighting off one of the Death Eaters, was a small group of people making their way outside, heading straight to the Astronomy Tower. And Draco was among them.

Draco, you don't have to do this. It's not like Hermione knew for sure what was going to happen, but if this was all planned out throughout this year, she doubted it would be for just going off in a killing spree. No, this had to be to get rid of the biggest obstacle in Voldemort's path: Dumbledore.

You don't get it, Granger. You've never gotten it. None of you have. Draco spoke, and even though he tried to sound tough – he failed so miserably. And her heart went out for him as she knew how alone he was in this, feeling so misunderstood. And it was all too late for her to do something. The choice to make a change, to choose the right thing was in his hands.

If I don't kill him.. he's going to kill me. And there his voice broke, and she could almost feel his sadness. He was afraid, and he had every right to be. He was just a kid, like they all were. Every one of them who were fighting here with Hermione, Dumbledore's Army that was bravely facing the ones that had lived many more years, more time to choose what they really stood for, and to excel in it.

A piece of innocence had been taken from them – from all of them. And it's not like Hermione had never bothered to look beyond the tough boy act from Draco before, because she had. But it's that she never bothered to look deeper, further into what he really is dealing with.

So many people here at Hogwarts see Draco as an annoying little brat, at least, most of the Gryffindors do. But not until she was forced to share her mind with him, did she learn there was so much more to the boy than she had ever thought there would be.

None of it mattered, though. Not right now. And oh, how much she wished she could run after him, pull him back and restrain him from going up those stairs, but she knew she couldn't. And that wasn't just because three Death Eaters were currently trying to curse her head off.

It's because she had learned one very important thing about Draco over these few years; and that was that he was very determined. Especially when he had a reason for doing something, an important reason, that is.

If she'd manage to fight her way out of the hell she was finding herself in right now, and she did make it to Draco in time, then there would still be no chance of her changing things. If the other Death Eaters surrounding him hadn't cursed her head off first, she would be sure he'd be the one doing the honours himself.

So that left her one option only: talk to him. Hermione supposed that the mental connection did have its perks in some situations. Draco.. there must be another way. She tried.

It was difficult to sound sympathetic as she Stunned the living hell out of the Death Eaters in front of her, causing her breathing to hitch and her thoughts to slack.

There isn't. Was all she got. But she wasn't taking that for an answer. There has to be. We can keep you save, Draco. You just have to choose the right side. She meant what she said – she truly did. The only thing he needed to do was say the word, and the Order would have his back – Dumbledore would have his back.

It's not so bloody easy, Granger! Draco shouted in her head, and Hermione had to take a break in her spell as her hands flew to her head, taking a few deep, calming breaths as the stinging headache started to form.

I can't be the good guy – it's not in me. It's not meant for me. There her heart went again, breaking into tiny little pieces as she fought back the tears. She wasn't nearly crying for the boy who was up in the Astronomy Tower right now, no, that person didn't deserve to be cried for.

But the person she did cry for, however, was Draco Malfoy. And then she didn't mean the one she always saw strutting around the castle – the one who always bullied the ones 'below him' or mock others for their blood.

No, she meant the Draco she had gotten know in the late hours of their peaceful conversations. Where he seemed like just a normal boy – one who was so pressed into his beliefs, into his actions by people who were supposed to be teaching him the right way to live in this world: his parents.

It was his upbringing that led him to go up the Astronomy Tower, to choose the wrong side and fight for something she was just certain of that he did not truly believe in. After the other side she had seen of him, she just wouldn't believe that the things he had been doing all year was something he really wanted to do.

And the person that was so lost and alone with his true self, that was the person she was now actually crying for. That was the person that deserved the tears rolling down her cheeks. He didn't have the chance to fight the evil – and how could anyone actually expect him to?

How could she expect him to stand up against his parents, to even fight against them?

I don't need your pity, Granger. His voice sounded weak, shaky even. But it held the strength in it to show her that he was serious – that he truly did not wish to be pitied. You don't have my pity, Draco. You have my understanding.

Silence.

Even though the grunting and screaming all around her was deafening, her mind was absolutely quiet. No indication of any connection, no thoughts coming from Draco when she tried to probe in his mind.. nothing.

It took her a lot of self control to stay focused on her own vision as another view was suddenly forced upon her, though. But oh my, how much it was worth the strength to keep battling against those who attacked her, and to see what Draco was seeing.

The view was blurry, and she assumed he was teary eyed. It was the only reasonable explanation for his trembling voice in her head. His wand was clearly pointed at Dumbledore, but she noticed the hesitation even though she was unable to see his face.

She didn't need to see it, anyway. The way his wand lowered greatly was indication enough. And if that didn't do it, then she'd only have to look at Dumbledore – who was still smiling knowingly, the man wiser than anyone she had ever known.

He knew Draco would never be able to kill someone. He knew the goodness in his heart – the part she had been honoured to get glimpses of a couple of times as well.

And so when he completely lowered his wand, Hermione couldn't help but smile, the remainder of tears falling out of her eyes and down her cheeks. Focusing back on the scene, she watched as Snape came walking into the open space – and a small gasp released her lips as she watched the following scene in disbelief.

Hermione expected Snape to protect Dumbledore, to help him how he had always been helping him throughout the years. But instead he lifted his own wand, and with the slightest flicker of hesitation, the Killing Curse left his lips.

Sinking back, she disappeared into the crowd, her vision fully snapping back to the Great Hall as she was backed away into the wall, the memory of seeing Dumbledore fall off the Astronomy Tower engraved into her mind.

Dumbledore was dead.

Dumbledore was dead and Snape had killed him. Watching the Astronomy Tower, she soon saw Bellatrix appearing out of it – all smiles and full of victorious laughter as she led the other Death Eaters out of the castle. Along with Draco and Snape in tow.

Draco's face looked just as pale as she was sure that hers was looking, but she was unable to feel any sort of emotion towards him. Hermione didn't blame Draco, not even in the slightest. He backed away, after all. He lowered his wand and showed whose side he was really on, even though he couldn't fight with them.

She blamed the person who was walking right next to him, though. Then soon another person followed them, and her heart officially broke into a million pieces.

Harry.

Another person so close to him had been taken away by Voldemort. The boy had lost so many people already, and the one he had been looking up to so much had now been brutally taken away from him in front of his eyes.

The fighting around them slowly came to a stop, and most Death Eaters were now fleeing the castle, joining the others outside to go wherever it was that they set their destination out to be.

Picking herself up emotionally, she wrestled through the crowd to meet up with most of Dumbledore's Army, and made sure to check if they were all still okay. Too many bad things had happened this night already, and she did not want to add her friends getting hurt to the list as well.

People were now moving about, joining the ones who were huddled outside – staring down at something that Hermione did not want to see up close. And so she joined the others who were making their way to the hospital wing on McGonagall's orders.

Meeting the others up there, she immediately moved over to the bed at the end of the room, where she saw Bill laying, his face slashed open in a gruesome matter. Hermione shuddered, and gratefully embraced the hug Ron offered her. It was terrible to see Bill like this, but she was beyond glad to hear that he was still doing okay.

Impatiently she flickered her gaze around the room, noticing how two of her friends were still missing: Harry and Ginny. She needed to know that they were both alright.

The heavy sound of the wooden doors leading to the hospital door opening were therefore a great relief as she saw them both walking into the hospital wing. And without so much of a hesitation she got up and ran to Harry, snaking her arms around him as she pulled him into an embrace.

How glad she was to see that he was still alive, and how sorry she felt that he had lost someone else close to him. But no matter how much she tightened the hug, no matter how many unspoken words would have been empty, anyway, she would never be able to show him her sincerest sadness for his situation.

The tears seemed to roll down her cheeks again as Harry told them all that Dumbledore had died – that he had been killed by Snape. And the way he spoke about what he saw from his position made her sadder by the second.

She had been so focused on Draco's emotions and his thoughts that the possibility of Harry being there hadn't even crossed her mind. She wasn't ashamed, because she knew that talking Draco out of it was the right thing to do. But she couldn't help feel guilty for not thinking about her best friend at the moment.

The singing of a phoenix outside brought her a gloomy calmness that settled in her heart – rested there as the tears were slowly drying up and her mind went completely blank.

Empty voices were starting to talk again, discuss the events that happened that night, each one sharing a different experience. When it was brought up how the Death Eaters had managed to get in, however, Hermione sunk a little further back into the darkness, a heaviness of guilt wrapping around her heart and clutching it painfully.

If she had figured it out sooner – if she had connected the dots a little earlier.. perhaps then she could have done something.. perhaps then she could have helped prevent all of this. If she had just listened to what Harry had been telling her all year, perhaps Dumbledore would have still been alive.

Shutting out the rest of the conversation, she focused on her mind, or well, rather Draco's mind as she tried to figure out where he was – and how he was. She felt beyond guilty for worrying about him right now as it became more obvious to the others who were all really behind Dumbledore's death, but she knew better. She just had to know that Draco was okay. Or well, physically okay, she supposed.

But his mind seemed to be blank – at loss of any thoughts. And somehow, that perfectly reflected how she was feeling right now: empty. Empty of emotions and at loss of what to do now.