Almost Only Counts In Horseshoes and Hand Grenades
Ziva David was late. She was fully aware of it.
She had finished her run later than usual.
And now, sitting in a seemingly endless traffic jam she figured what Gibbs would say about she being late for the second time this week. He was probably going to be mad.
She looked at the rear window and her already zero mood dropped below zero. She was the last one in the row of cars which went as far as she could see.
Which, considering today's weather, was not very far. There was the tightest mist she had ever seen. And that was just another thing that pulled her mood down.
And so she sat there, cursing herself and her slowness. She wondered why the hell they called it rush hour when nobody was moving.
She looked back again. She was still the last. And when thinking about it, she hit upon an idea.
On her way to this endless traffic jam she had seen a large parking lot. She knew it had an entrance on the other side too.
She decided to go through it. It would have shortened her way considerably, plus she would get around that row of cars. She didn't pay even single thought to the fact that it was forbidden to use the other entrance as an exit. She was actually kind of used to breaking America's traffic laws, since in Israel there were practically no traffic laws.
She was still the last. But now it made her feel a little bit better. Maybe she wouldn't be so late at all.
So she turned her car around and speeded back until she saw the parking lot. She entered it and rode along the aisles between the massive amounts of cars.
Now she was close to the exit. She rode forwards, turned right, went on... and cursed in Hebrew.
Some really mean person had parked a car right in front of the exit. Ziva felt like she wanted to hit something.
Instead she rode back through the big parking lot towards the other exit, wondering how long would it take her to get through that traffic jam.
Considering how slowly it had moved before, probably hours.
When she reached the exit she couldn't believe what she saw at first sight.
"Merde," she cursed in French.
In front of the exit was another car. She was stuck. Actually, to be precise, she was not stuck. But her car was. As stuck as a car could be.
Ziva looked out of the window for someone to complain. She saw no one.
"Great," she mumbled to herself, thinking about what Gibbs would say. Again she cursed herself for getting in such a stupid situation.
She remembered the last and only time she had gotten stuck with her car. It had happened in Israel, and resulted in letting her target get away. Her father had not been pleased with her.
Ziva considered walking to the Headquarters, it was only a few miles away. She was just about ready to get out of her cute little red and black Mini Cooper, when she heard her phone ring.
She looked at the caller's ID and gulped. It was Tony.
"Yes," she answered hesitantly, wondering if Gibbs had ordered him to call her and if he was with Tony at the moment.
"Ziva," she heard Tony's worried voice on the other end. "Where are you?"
"On... a parking lot." She blushed and was happy Tony couldn't see it. She was a little embarrassed of getting stuck on a parking lot.
"A parking lot? You're in the Navy Yard?"
"Not really..." Ziva started.
"Not really? Ziva, where the hell are you? Gibbs is really cross."
Ziva swallowed hard. Gibbs was really cross.
"I am almost there, Tony." That was a lie, and she knew that, but there was no way Tony could know it. She figured she'd think of something, perhaps take a bus.
"Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, Ziva," Tony reminded her. "And since you were not hit with either a horseshoe or hand grenade, I suggest you getting here as fast as you can. Before Gibbs decides he'll murder you with a hand grenade."
Ziva frowned. "What does this have to do with horseshoes and hand grenades?" she asked, confused.
"It doesn't, it's just a saying." Ziva could see Tony rolling his eyes.
"What ever. Besides, Gibbs can not murder me when I am not there."
"But he can murder you when you get here, and for your own well-being, I hope this happens fast." And with that statement, Tony hung up the phone.
"Leazazel," Ziva cursed and got out of the car. She started walking in the direction of the NCIS Headquarters. She had walked about half of the way, when her phone rang again. This time it was Gibbs himself.
She prepared herself for the worst and answered her cell phone. She heard Gibbs' angry voice, but couldn't make out the words.
"Listen, Gibbs," she started. "I can explain this-"
She was cut off by her really cross boss. "The hell you can," he barked into the phone, making Ziva flinch. "I don't want to hear any explanation before I see you. Got it?" he demanded.
Ziva pushed down her anger. "Got it."
"We've got a case. Arlington National Cemetery. You've got fifteen minutes."
"Wait, Gibbs..." Ziva started. Gibbs hung up.
"Now that is just great," Ziva told herself. Fortunately there was no one near her to hear.
Ziva tried to think of what to do. If she wouldn't be on that cemetery in fifteen minutes, Gibbs would most likely put her on desk work for who knows how long. She sighed. It would take her fifteen minutes to just get to her car. She didn't even want to think about how long would it take for her to get the car out of that damn parking lot.
There was only one thing she could do. She caught a cab.
"To Arlington National Cemetery, please," she asked when she sat in. "In fifteen minutes."
"You're asking quite the impossible there, miss," the taxi driver answered with an accent Ziva couldn't quite place. Italian maybe? That reminded Ziva of Tony. He was probably going to make jokes on her getting stuck on a parking lot forever.
The cabby took off and they speeded in the direction of the cemetery. They reached it in sixteen minutes.
Ziva paid for the ride.
"Almost in fifteen minutes," the cabby said cheerfully. Ziva looked at him with her dark eyes, wiping the smile off the poor man's face.
"Almost only counts in horses and bombs," Ziva said, getting out of the cab and leaving the driver wondering what she had wanted to say.
Ziva spotted the NCIS van right away. The next thing she spotted there was a really angry looking Gibbs. She sighed. It was going to be a long explanation.
Here you go, an all new chapter. The idea was suggested by Nemisses. Thank you. Please review, 'cause reviews are what feed my muse and when my muse is happy you'll get better chapters :)