This chapter is told from Edward's point of view.
Sitting on the bench seat in the forward section of the bus, I watched as Bella argued with Emmett over whether or not she would clean up his wounds. She insisted that she would be the one to take care of him, even after he tried to back away from her, ending up sitting heavily on the bench opposite me when he ran out of space. He argued back at her that he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, but Bella was having none of it. I glanced at Jasper who just grinned at me, shrugged and turned and pointed to Emmett.
"I wouldn't bother arguing with her, Em. Personally, I think she could take you." Jasper laughed as he then walked down the hall, pulling his shirt tail out of his jeans and unbuttoning it as he went. Pausing next to the drape that separated the common section of the bus from bunk row, he turned and flashed that trademark crooked smile.. "It's been an interesting night for sure, but I'm heading to bed.. we have a long drive tomorrow." He grinned at Bella where she stood, her hands planted on her hips, a stubborn set to her jaw. "Goodnight, Miss Bella. It was a pleasure meeting you, and I hope we meet again soon." Bella smiled back at him, his southern charm having evidently won her over this evening.
Dammit. I knew better than to leave him alone with her.
Even spoken in Jasper's nearly gone Texas accent, the word 'pleasure' was still outrageously stressed, giving the word an implied double meaning, and causing me to growl at him threateningly. He laughed back at me, his green eyes sparkling. "Oh chill out, Eddie. She only has eyes for you." With that, he winked and ripped the curtain closed behind him.
Muttering to the empty air where he'd so recently stood, I settled back on the couch to wait out the battle of wills happening across from me. Em, with poor grace, finally gave in, conceded victory to Bella, and allowed her to tend to his various cuts and scrapes.
"So, Emmett," Bella began as she set out the supplies she would need to clean Em's cuts. "I was watching your technique out there with Jake. You're pretty bad ass." She carefully lifted his hand and cleaned one of the fight bites on his big knuckles. "Where'd you learn to handle yourself like that?"
"I did some boxing in college," Emmett replied, his eyes glowing with the praise. "I also signed up randomly for matches here and there to earn a little extra cash when money got tight before the band started really taking off." He shrugged, trying to make light of the extremes that we sometimes went to back in the day when there was no food in the house and no gigs to be had.
Before our little band had gained the recognition that we have now, there were nights we went to bed hungry. The term, "Starving Artist" definitely applied to all three of us many, many times in the years following college graduation.
"Ah, well, you do what you have to do sometimes to get by, you know." Bella smiled at him as she dabbed at the nasty cut on his cheek. "In your case, you must've been pretty damn good at it, judging by what I saw out there tonight."
Emmett looked so smug, I was worried his head might actually explode. He could be such a sucker for compliments... especially from pretty girls. Watching him with her, I had to hide a smile, suddenly realizing that my best friend was completely besotted with her, looking at her with big puppy dog eyes. Strangely enough, knowing that Emmett had an actual, although harmless, crush on Bella didn't bother me near as much a seeing Jasper merely flirting with her. He bugged the shit out of me. I wondered at the difference between the two.
Oh hell.. I knew exactly what the difference was.. who was I kidding? They were both dogs, for sure, but, I trusted Emmett not to go after my girl. Even as long as I'd known Jasper, I still didn't trust him as far as I could throw him. Sad, but totally true.
Watching how tender Bella was with Emmett, frowning and wincing when he would pull back if she unintentionally caused him some amount of pain, my heart swelled until it felt like it was going to burst. Never in a million years did I expect to have this amount of feeling for someone that I had only just met. And, sitting there watching as she cared for Emmett, all of a sudden, I realized just how deeply in love with her I was.
It was terrifying.
About an hour later, after finishing up her self appointed task and saying goodnight and goodbye to Emmett, Bella and I took her car back to her apartment. It was time that we sat down and had a serious talk, and if I had to admit it to myself, I was scared to death... terrified that I was going to lose her.
Tomorrow afternoon, the band and I were leaving Nashville to start the long trip back to Vegas and California for the next two stops on the tail end of our year long tour. I knew that Bella couldn't come along... she had her own life here. What I did know was that I didn't know where it left us. Long distance relationships were one thing when there was only a few hours distance between you and the girl you loved. But, a few thousand miles between you was a completely different story.
Both the ride back and the walk up the stairs to her apartment were silent, neither of us ready or willing to start the conversation that we knew we needed to have.
I walked in after Bella and sat down on the couch to wait as she did what I was positive was her own nightly ritual. She started off by locking both the dead bolt, and the knob lock on the door, as well as drawing up the chain and making sure it was secure. Next, she dropped her purse on the counter, and pulled off her jacket. Slipping the Glock out of her hidden shoulder holster, she double checked the safety and laid the gun on the end table next to the couch where I was sitting before unbuckling and shrugging out of the holster harness and draping it on the back of the nearest dining chair. Next, she walked around and checked all of the windows to make sure they were securely locked before she finally came over and sat down on the couch next to me.
Watching her in silence as she fussed with the pillows on the couch to get comfortable, I realized that she did all that she did out of fear of that guy that Emmett had fought out in the street earlier, Jake. Remembering the sheer size of the guy, and the ugly light in his eyes as he stared at her, I could certainly understand why she was frightened of him. He was just bad news all the way around.
Still not wanting to have this conversation, I finally decided to just dive in.. and hope like hell I didn't drown.
"So... Jake?" I prompted. She sighed heavily and refused to look at me. I could tell that she was mulling over what she was willing to tell me about her ex-husband. I waited her out, knowing she would tell me in her own time. Finally, she seemed to come to a decision and got up to pace the room as she told me her story.
Bella and Jake married young. Way too young. She was desperate to escape her overbearing parents and their military strict household. She dated Jake mostly to piss her mom off. He was the perfect guy to accomplish that mission - rode a motorcycle, wore leather jackets, an earring, and had tattoos, the typical poster child for the 'bad boy' - and it worked. Her mother disowned her and kicked her out of the house, where she immediately married Jake. Finally, she was free.
Except she wasn't free.. not really. She'd jumped from the fire, straight into hell.
Unfortunately, she didn't take the time to find out what kind of a guy he was before they married, and within six months into the marriage, she found out that he was cheating on her with just about everything female. When she caught him the first time, he begged forgiveness, and swore he'd never do it again. When she'd caught him the next time, it was in her bed, with her then best friend. She walked out, and got a hotel and immediately started the divorce process.
In the months that followed, Jake went from pleading for her to come back to him, to following her, to violent fits of temper that scared her so much, she decided to buy a gun for protection. Over the next several weeks, she took classes on gun safety and learned how to shoot the Glock with deadly accuracy. When she felt she was ready, she went and took the tests necessary to get her carry permit. She'd been carrying the firearm ever since.
Jake had only really threatened her once after she'd gotten the gun; he showed up at her apartment, she threatened to shoot him with it, and for whatever reason, he believed her and left. She figured he finally figured out that he'd pushed her too far. He still dropped by the apartment occasionally, still unable to take "Not a chance in hell" as a "No!", but he didn't push the issue as far as he used to, knowing she was armed and knew how to use the weapon for defense.
And now, here we were.
About midway through her story, she'd wandered back and sat next to me on the couch, snuggling under my arm for comfort, tucked in up next to my side in a way that I knew I shouldn't let her. This goodbye was going to be hard enough as it was without feeling her warm body next to mine. Her hand unconsciously came down and began to stroke my thigh as she talked, not even realizing she was doing it.
Dammit. I don't think she knew she was doing it, anyway.
Gritting my teeth, I tried to ignore the lazy circles she was drawing on my leg, but I wasn't having much luck. It'd been a few days since I'd felt her naked body next to mine, and the memories of the last time we were together tumbled over in my mind and ignited that slow burn that I'd come to expect whenever we were close to each other. I felt myself start to swell and harden, and I fought not to squirm and give myself away.
Holy hell. Were these jeans always this tight?
The betrayal of my body must been more obvious than I thought, or I was just really bad at hiding it, because I heard Bella drew in a long deep breath, slowly exhale and she looked up at me with heat sparkling in her eyes. Her eyes locked on mine and her hand deliberately moved up my thigh this time, and her neatly manicured nail just barely skimmed over my jeans where they had suddenly become stretched tight over the monster hidden within them.
Damn. Where did all of the air go in the room? I sucked in a desperate breath, struggling to keep control of myself, discovering that my own hands had started moving of their own accord up her arms to cup Bella's face. With a curse, I gave in and kissed her furiously, pushing her back on the couch until my body was laying on top of hers.
I knew better than to let this continue, to let it go any farther and risk the pain we both would have to endure when I left. But I was so tempted to have one more night wrapped up naked in bed with her.
No way. I couldn't do it. Taking a deep, steadying breathe, I pulled back away from her embrace, willed my heart to stop racing, and for the demon pushing at my zipper to go back to sleep.
Fat chance.
"We're leaving tomorrow, Bella." I stated, hearing the breathlessness of my arousal mixed with the sadness in my own voice. "We have to hit the road and finish up the last few dates on this tour and we only have a few days to get to Vegas."
Bella sat up again, catching her own breath, and pushing her hair out of her face. Finally looking up and meeting my gaze, her own grief was plainly written on her face. "I can't go with you." she said, her voice breaking on the word 'you' into just a whisper. I nodded, my heart feeling like it just exploded inside my chest.
"I know. You have your own life here. I never expected you to go with us, but, I will admit, there is a part of me that was certainly hoping you would."
"I wish I could." she sighed heavily. "I have a job here that depends on me.. and I've been on vacation entirely too long as it is. I have to go back."
We were both silent for a time.. lost in our own thoughts. Finally, I said, "Will you be alright here? I mean.. with Jake?" Her face tightened and she dropped her eyes, unable to look me in the eye.
"I'd hoped you would never have to meet him. I'm so sorry about that." she finally looked up at me. "I feel so awful that Emmett got into that fight with him, and at the same time, I'm glad that he did. Jake needed to be taken down a peg or two."
I shrugged. "Don't worry about Emmett. He likes a good scuffle every once in a while." I chuckled. "It keeps him in shape, and he didn't really get hurt. Just the typical busted knuckles and fight bites kind of stuff he usually ends up with."
Bella shuddered. "Just the same, I wish it hadn't happened." She fell silent for a bit, and we sat there in silence.. mulling over the future.
The clock on her mantel chimed four a.m, catching my attention, and I found myself staring at it, willing time to go backwards. I really needed to get back to the bus. The tour manager had wanted us to pull out by six a.m. to start the first leg of our drive. I didn't want to leave. If I had to leave, I wanted Bella to go with me. I couldn't imagine life without her now.
I was just about to open my mouth to beg her to come with us, when she looked up at me with tears painting diamond bright pathways down her cheeks. I reached up and caught one with the tip of my finger and did something I'd only ever read about in books... I brought it to my mouth and tasted her grief. My stomach clenched in my own pain, knowing that I was the cause of hers.
And I hated myself for it.
"Bella?" I choked out, still hoping I could manage to get out my request before we both fell apart. I knew what the answer would be, but I had to try. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't at least try to get her to go with us. She put a hand up to silence me, however, and my teeth came together with an audible click.
"Just go, Edward. Go." She drew a deep, shuddering breath, fresh tears falling down her cheeks and dripping off her chin. "I knew better than to get involved with you. Every day, I fought my attraction to you, knowing this day would come. That you would have to leave me, and I wouldn't be able to go with you." she stood quickly and paced to the window, her back to me, looking out at the darkness beyond, wrapping her arms around herself as if she were trying to keep from flying apart. I sat where I was, frozen in agony at her words, unable to say anything at all.
"I can't bear not knowing if or even when I will see you again, or if you will find someone else out on the road or in California, and forget all about me." She forced a hard laugh. "I know how musicians on the road are. I live in Nashville. I'm surrounded by them. I see it everyday." Again she drew a deep breath. Finally, she turned and looked at me, the sadness soul deep in her eyes. "I'm not strong. I pretend like I am... I carry a gun and put on a hard front, but I'm just not strong. I'm weak." smiling a small sad smile, she brushed the tears off her cheeks and tucked her hands in her pockets. "I knew who and what you were when I walked up to you at that table, but I never expected to fall in love with you. I can't handle the way I feel about you, knowing that you will always leave me for the next gig in the next town. I've never been good at goodbyes.. so you should probably just go."
My subconscious soaked up her beauty and stored it away for later, when I would need to recall her image to get me through the lonely nights, but my thinking mind was absolutely blank. I couldn't manage to form any words.. all I could do was stare at her. She stayed where she was when I managed to blink a few times and stumble to my feet. I wanted to go to her, to hug her, to feel her in my arms one last time. The look on her face stopped me. As much as I was hurting, the utter desolation on her tear streaked face had to make what I was feeling a cakewalk compared to her emotions plainly written on her lovely features. She tried to smile an encouraging smile, but it didn't quite reach her red rimmed brown eyes.
"I can't say goodbye," I managed to choke out around the lump in my throat... swallowing down my own tears. I knew if I let the waterworks go here, she would crumble, and I couldn't do that to her... not on top of everything else. She shook her head slightly, trying to stay strong.
"I don't expect you to," she whispered, struggling to hold in her own emotions. "And please, don't. Just... go."
With one last look, I tripped my way to her door, fumbled with the chain and the locks, and let myself into the hallway, closing the door behind me.
I don't remember making my way down to the street. I just remember getting to the curb and hailing a cab. As I climbed in, I braved one look up to where I knew her window was on the third floor. The curtain fell back into place as I shut the car door, and I knew that she'd been watching me go.
"Where to, Mister?" The cabby croaked out in a gruff voice, smelling of cigarettes and some cheap cologne that had long since turned sour with body odors and sweat. I sat back against the backseat and fought to breathe, swallowing repeatedly.
"The parking lot behind Cafe Cocoa." I dug in my wallet and threw a hundred dollar bill over the seat. "I have no reason to rush." I managed to whisper as I felt the tears track down my cheeks. "I have nothing to get back to."
I know, I know.. painful, wasn't it? Just a little angst.. because all relationships have it.. it's unavoidable. But, for those of you that can't handle it, I promise, that was as bad as it gets in my story.. because nothing is worse than a break up.. right? Stay tuned... the best is yet to come, I promise!
Many thanks to those of you who have placed this story on alerts and in your favorites list, and most of all, for adding me to your favorite author's lists! That is so very humbling to me.. especially being a new author. The thing I live for is reviews.. and I will continue to beg for them at the end of every chapter. Many, MANY thanks to those of you who continue to review for me. You are the ones who make me want to keep writing.
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