Chapter 10

A crimson coil connected mother and daughter as they laid side by side. The differences between them were clearly visible. On the right blushed cheeks, plump lips and glowing skin rested easily and calmly; her eyes open reflecting weariness and hope. She looked to the man she loved who stood bending over the other woman. On the left, sunken cheeks, chapped lips, and skin that seemed to absorb the light instead of reflect it, lay swallowed inside herself; her eyes shut unable to look at the man that held her heart sitting helplessly nearby.

"She's stable. I think this is going to work." Andrew said softly. "How are you doing?" he said looking over at Colleen.

"I'm alright."

"Just a little longer I think. We don't want to cause you to pass out. You look tired."

"I'm fine."

Andrew smiled at her and was rewarded with the same. Sully sat silently unaware of their exchange. "Sully, there's nothing you can do now. We are just waiting a bit longer before we stop the transfusion. Colleen is fine and Michaela's condition is holding. Maybe you should go rest."

Sully stood stretching his soar muscles. He bent and kissed Michaela lightly on the forehead. "I'll be back soon my love," he whispered. "I think I'll go for a short walk." He quietly left the room. As he exited the clinic he was met by Grace who held a large picnic basket of food.

"Sully, I brought this for you and the kids. You need to eat. Colleen told me you haven't eaten or slept in a while."

"Thanks Grace, but I don't have much of an appetite."

"Sully, you got to eat! Starvin' yourself aint gonna help things."

"Really, Grace I'm fine." Grace didn't argue with him. "I appreciate everything you're doin' to help us out."

She said in a sincere voice, "How's she doin'?"

Sully sighed, "Colleen's given her some blood. She's still in a coma."

"She'll pull through this Sully."

He acknowledged her concern with a slight shake of the head.

"I'll just leave these here for you." She put the basket down on the bench. "Just in case." She said kindly.

"Thank you." He watched her head back toward the cafe. His eyes wondered down the road. He saw Matthew and Brian talking to a couple in a wagon. Sully headed that direction and recognized that the young couple as the Garcia's. Mrs. Garcia held her little girl tightly. Eloisa's voice reached him as he approached, "What can we do for you? Can we help?"

"Nothing. But thank you." Matthew said kindly. His voice reflected the distress he was bottling inside.

"What's going on?" Sully asked.

"We were just talking to the Garcia's. They came to thank Dr. Mike. She told them she would come visit in a couple days to check on the baby but when she didn't come they decided to come to town." Matthew explained.

Sully nodded to them and asked kindly, "How is your little one?"

"Oh, she is well. But we are so sorry to hear about Dr. Mike. We didn't know. We came to say thank you. She is good doctor. Matthew told us she was hurt." Eloisa said sympathetically. It was clear from her face that she felt bad and was worried. Mr. Garica started speaking spanish. Eloisa talked over him as she translated what he was saying. "My husband says he is sorry. We tried to get her to stay with us but she said she promised her boy she would be home by dark. She didn't want to worry him." Eloisa looked down at Sully, "She was very excited to see you again. I hope she will be alright."

Brian turned quickly away from them and ran out of sight. "Brian!" Matthew called out to him but he was gone. They were surprised by his sudden and abrupt departure.

"I'm sorry." Sully said with a furrowed brow. "Andrew is here if you wish to see him. Will you excuse me?"

"Of course." Eloisa said sadly. Sully left them with Matthew. He went to find Brian. Sully felt angry and he wasn't sure why or at who. The rope burned hot inside his chest as if trying to brand him. He didn't blame the Garcia's. It wasn't their fault. Michaela was head strong and did as she pleased. Why? Why did she have to be so stubborn?! Was he angry with her? No! He couldn't be. It wasn't her fault either. The fact was it was no one's fault. The anger, frustration and despair seemed to have no outlet.

He found Brian a few feet into the woods. He was violently throwing twigs and rocks around. His hands picking up whatever they could and chucking it away just as fast. "Brian." Sully said.

"Go away!" Brian yelled at him with out looking at him.

"Brian stop."

"Get out of here!" He kicked a rock and sent it flying.

"Brian!" Sully approached him and wrapped his arms around the boy so he couldn't throw anything. Brian struggled angrily to get away. Hot tears seared his cheeks. "Brian stop! It's alright!" He continued to fight, trying to push Sully away. Sully let go and Brian pulled away from him stumbing to the hard, cold earth. His fists were clenched and sobs shook his body.

"It's my fault!" He cried angrily.

Sully sighed heavily as he watched his son struggle.

"It's my fault she's hurt! I was upset she had to leave. I wanted us to be together when you got home. We had planned your party. She promised me she'd be home. It's my fault! She hurried home because of me! She got hurt because I made her promise!" His words came between sobs. His fists beat the ground desperately as his body hunched over the frozen ground.

"Brian it's not your fault. It's no ones fault." Sully's voice fought to keep control.

"Then why?! " Brian's voice shook angrily.

"Sometimes bad things happen Brian. I don't know why! They just do. Even to good people. And sometimes it's no ones fault! I thought it was my fault too!" Tears threatened to drop out of Sully's eyes. Brian looked up, a questioning look in his sorrowful eyes. Sully continued, "If I'd been home more. If I'd been here I could have gone with her. I could have protected her." The binding in his chest burned like live coals. Sully continued in an attempt to comfort Brian as well as himself. "But it's no ones fault. We can't change anything. It just happened, and blaming ourselves doesn't solve anything." The tears trickled down Sully's cheeks. He knelt down beside his son. "It's not your fault Brian." Sully's voice shook with emotion. He wrapped his arms around him and this time Brian didn't fight it. "No one blames you." They sat for a while letting their anguish slowly drain. The coarse coil around Sully's heart began to cool. Perhaps it was due to the outlet of tears, or the frosty earth against his skin. It came as a releif. Their tears dried. Brian quietly asked, "What's gonna happen?"

"I don't know. She's strong Brian. She knows we need her. She'll fight." They sat together in silence letting their eyes roam the landscape. While his heart felt heavy, Brian let the drop of hope and trust that Sully spoke spread ripples through his mind.

"Do you still want to work on your science project?" Sully asked.

"No." Brian said. "I mean...not right now. The teacher said I didn't have to worry about doing it right away." He explained. After a moment Brian added, "Will you still be able to help me with it?"

"I will." Sully sighed heavily. "I've been gone too much lately. I'm sorry I haven't been around a lot this year. I think it's time I stayed home for a while."

"I'm glad your my pa Sully." Brian said. The words brought a small smile to Sully's lips.

"I'm glad your my son Brian."

"We finished. She's still in a coma but it doesn't look like she is going to have any adverse reactions to the blood transfusion." Andrew said relieved.

Sully nodded gratefully, "Thank you Andrew."

"I think I'm going to check on Colleen."

"Is she alright?" Sully asked.

"Just tired. She fell asleep a little while ago." Andrew gave a small smile and turned toward Colleen's room.

"Andrew." Sully called him back. He turned and Sully said, "You should get some rest yourself."

"And you." Andrew said with a small chuckle. Sully went into Michaela's room. Maybe he imagined it but her cheeks didn't look as pale. She was so beautiful. She looked peaceful. He sat heavily in the chair next to the bed. He took her delicate hand in his. "I love you Michaela. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I wasn't there. Please forgive me. I'm here now. I need you. We all need you. Please come back to me." He leaned back and unwillingly his eyes closed. His mind finally rested and the clenching of the rope was numbed.

The sun was bright. The ocean overhead was clear. Sully looked out on a field of green. He recognized this field. It was the one he had stood in when Micheala had asked him to marry her. The rustle of leaves in the breeze turned his vision to an old oak tree. She was there. Standing with her back to him, her hand on the tree looking outward. He could see her hair flowing out behind her; a banner of melted gold shimmering in the light. Her figure was clothed in a simple white gown. "Michaela." He called out to her but she didn't turn. He stepped closer. "Michalea." She turned but didn't speak. She was radiant. A soft, joyful smile lighted her face. "Michaela!" He tried to run to her and take her in his arms but he couldn't reach her. Some unseen thing was pulling her away. She raised her hand to reach out and touch him. He felt the tips of her fingers caress his but he couldn't grasp her hand. "Michalea! Michaela!" He saw her smile begin to fad. She whispered his name, "Sully. Sully, don't leave me."

"Michaela! I'm here!" He tried to reach her but she was getting farther away. The distance between then grew. "Micheala!" He felt panic and despair as he tried to reach her. He could see her still standing by the tree. Still beautiful. A longing look in her eyes. He used all his strength to get closer but he couldn't. "Micheala! Don't leave me!" Sully's body jerked and his eyes opened. He was breathing hard.

"You fell asleep my brother." Sully looked up and saw Cloud Dancing standing next to him. Sully sighed and rubbed his hands across his brow. Cloud Dancing continued, "Andrew says she is doing better."

"What did the spirits tell you?" Sully asked reverently. "Will she live?"

"The spirits did not reveal that to me."

Sully got up and looked down on his wife. He finally spoke, "I couldn't get to her. She was slipping away. In my dream. I couldn't reach her."

"Perhaps she was not the one moving." Cloud Dancing said.

"What do you mean?" Sully asked. The knot gave an ugly tug.

"I had a similar vision of you while I was away." Sully turned to look at his friend as he continued. "You tried to reach her but you couldn't. A force pulled you apart. She became sad."

"It's not my fault! I wanted to get to her!" Sully said desperately.

"I know my brother. I do not think this is a vision of death." Sully felt relieved but confused. Cloud Dancing continued, "Perhaps this was meant to show you the other things that keep you apart. Distractions." Cloud Dancing put his hand on his friends shoulder, his eyes full of understanding. "You know of what I speak. You have accomplished much good. You do what you feel is right. You follow your heart. Lands have been saved and people changed because of you. But you have been away often. You are a good father and husband. Perhaps the spirits are trying to help you realize how much you are wanted and needed among those you love. Reminding you where your heart really is, and who holds it. I do not believe this is meant to hurt you but to guide you. Help you find your way home again."

Sully absorbed the wisdom that flowed from his Indian friends lips. "I decided when I returned that I would stay. I have been troubled. I've felt...tight. Like I'm being squeezed inside."

"When did this begin?"

"The day I returned."

"No doubt you felt Michaela was in trouble. Your connection with her is strong. But perhaps there is also a part of you that has made this rope that holds you captive."

Sully looked at his friend questioningly. Cloud Dancing explained, "You have let feelings of guilt and blame take hold of you. Michaela does not blame you. She understands you. She just misses you. You can not change the past. Nor should you regret it. You must move forward. These feelings will only weaken you. Perhaps it is what holds you back. Blaming yourself where you are not to blame can only cause more hurt."

Sully gave a small chuckle. "I told Brian something similar."

"You would do well to take your own advice my brother." Cloud Dancing smiled.

Sully knew his friend spoke truth. He had held so much inside and let it grow and fester. He needed to purge himself of the self destructive feelings. He knew he loved his family. He saw so clearly where he was needed. He knew what he wanted. He didn't need to punish himself. As the thought caught hold he felt his heart widen. The space inside of him seemed to breath and the coil began to unravel. He breathed deeply.

"Thank you my friend." Sully said as he embraced his brother. Sully watched as Cloud Dancing turned to look down at Michaela.

"She is strong but much of her strength comes from her love for you." Cloud Dancing said. "She knows you are here for her."

"Thank you for coming."

"I must be going soon though."

"Will you eat first? The children would like to see you." Sully offered.

Cloud Dancing smiled, "If you eat with us. I hear you haven't eaten."

Sully laughed lightly,"Agreed." Sully bent down and kissed his wife, "I will be back soon my love." He and Cloud Dancing left the room in search of the picnic basket Grace had left. For the first time since returning home Sully felt that things were going to be alright.