Chapter 10-X

Disclaimer-I do not own Durarara, all amazing characters belong to the talented Ryohgo Narita and I would rather chew my own arm off than profit off of him.

Thank to everyone who reviewed! (And scarletsaber, you may be onto something).

Sometimes when you write a fic, the plans for a chapter may change. I know I said at the end of the last chapter that Shizuo and Izaya would reunite in this chapter, but that didn't turn out to be the case. The Izaya POV for this chapter was longer than expected and didn't gel well with the Shizuo POV I began writing, so I cut it for the next chapter. I also did it so I could hopefully get the next chapter out sooner, as it is already planned and partly written.

This basically means that this chapter is a bit anti climactic, as it mainly deals with Izaya's feeling about the bond and sets down plot! for the next arc. The only good thing about this chapter was that I wrote what was probably my favourite line of the fic, about Izaya at least (you get a cookie if you can guess what it is).

End a/n is about Madoka Au and tumblr so skip it if you wish.

Key

"-thoughts that Shizuo and Izaya share-" (in italics)

Character thoughts of the respective p.o.v (italics)

[texts]"

The beeping of his phone woke Izaya up, making his head throb and ache at its intensity. Along with his bond ache, hollowness, it made Izaya want nothing more than to hide under the covers until it stopped.

But he forced himself up to check his phone, only to slump back down when he realised that he had used it as an alarm and he didn't have any new messages.

Seriously, 7 AM? Didn't I set it for eight or even nine? He thought as he turned over and tried to go back to sleep. Even Shizu-chan isn't up yet, he's still sleeping...

Izaya flinched and curled in even more on himself, as his anxiety rose and bile gathered in his throat.

Goddammit, its wearing off... I can feel Shizu-chan again. Why do I suddenly feel so weak? I need to take another one or I'll be too far gone to see Igarashi when he calls with a time. Checking his bedside, he realised they were missing. I.. How? I must have left them in the bathroom when I took one last night. I would never leave it there purposefully, what is wrong with me?

Through a sickly haze, Izaya got up and attempted to limp to the hotel rooms tiny bathroom. Since he had spent most of his time lying in bed, waiting for Igarashi's call and sleeping from his bond exhaustion. He hadn't used it much except for a daily shower or to use the toilet as often as he needed to.

Staggering while hugging the wall of the room, Izaya made it to the doorway of the bathroom and latched on to it while huffing and stooping. Attempting to catch his breath, he forced himself on until he was holding on to the toilet.

What is this? I have a feeling this isn't just the separation condition making me feel like this. Although I need, I need, I feel so empty and hollow. Where is Shizu-chan, I need-

No! I don't want to rely on a monster, I don't need this, just have to take-

Something inside Izaya, his mind, shook and made him hunch over the toilet in pain. His vision flickered back and forth and he collapsed onto his knees in a desperate attempt to stop himself from retching.

Unfortunately, It was all for naught as he finally keeled over and vomited several times, barely keeping himself upright. Still spazzing, Izaya lifted his head and rested it in the crook of his left arms, eye's pinpricking from a mixture of pain and humiliation.

Don't blackout don't blackout don't blackout He mentally repeated in an endless mantra. It's all that monsters fault for not being near me, for not making this stop with his presence- Izaya shook again. Oh god, Shizu-chan's waking up, he's still angry. No, I don't care about him, or what he's doing. It's this damn bond, it's changing me, changing my brain and my mind...

Izaya froze, his heartbeat rising as stress overcame him.

It's really like another limb, but it's changing, it's still needs to develop... I must check the book, Did I miss a chapter or something? I must have, since I've waited for Igarashi's call and rested far too much. Stupid! I should have read it more thoroughly and prepared for this. Even if I was in pain...

Steeling himself, Izaya shakily stood up and retrieved his pills from the top of the toilet where he had left them. Taking one, he went back to the main room and collapsed upon the bed after throwing them onto his bedside.

It's going to take several minutes for it to take effect and stop this.. I feel so hollow, one half of me is missing. Izaya thought with a frown. Maybe I'm just tired, I should rest. Its best if I wait before reading, so I know exactly what to do...

Closing his eyes, Izaya almost smiled as a strange, serene, peace came over him. It was as if he was deep underwater, with all the weights of his trouble slowly leaving him as even the hollowness didn't matter anymore.

Clarity came to him just before he slipped into a sleep he would never have come back from. The pill finally began working, allowing him to rouse himself from the cloying edge and shudder at what he had almost allowed to happen.

I must stop this, before it's too late and I actually succumb to my bond. Nothing I've read or researched has shown me what this could be. It's not our bond failing, it can't be. Shizu-chan and I are stronger than that. If we do die because of each other, which I will do everything in my power to it will only be at each other's hands and wills on some urban battlefield, my skills versus his protozoan strength. I won't accept anything else or less, I can't. Izaya internally declared. I need to study and discover exactly what this is. Hopefully, I can do it before Igarashi calls with a time for me to meet him, as he did say a few days and it may be soon.

Gathering up the pillows and sheets of the bed, Izaya made himself a small cocoon out of them until he was able to lean back comfortably. Then he took the two books he had bought and begun perusing them, starting with the science guide and its later chapters.

Let's see, "bond medicine and its application" no, "The clause and its use in science and safety" no... But it does seem interesting, what is the clause? I can't wonder about it now, there are more important things. Ah, "Research on the future stability and conditions of bonds", this seems like it.

Izaya began reading the small print of the pages of the chapter, as he felt another headache brewing in the recesses of his mind.

"In recent years, since the end of World War Two with famous cases such as the Roberts-Downey match and the magnitude of bonds formed in conditions of duress seen in concentration camps and war zones. It has been hypothesised that bonds themselves are becoming more powerful as less are formed. Strong emotions and such conditions have also been a precursor for a more intense bond and abilities between those bonded. In the aforementioned Roberts-Downey match, the validity of they're bond was recorded in an application of the Sanderson test (now out of practice after the creation of the Dunn Test) that found each could sense the other's thoughts, feelings and even memories over a greater distance than ever studied before. It was also found that they experienced separation anxiety and issues after being kept apart, even after a decade of being bonded-

Izaya stopped reading and stared at the page for a few moments, processing what he had just read. Suddenly, everything briefly went blurry and something spotted it, something wet. Shaking his head to clear his visions and emotions, he snapped the book shut and threw it away on the floor by the bed.

This bond is a freaking parasite even worse than the beast. I wish I had never bonded with him in the first place, or at all. I hate it, I hate him. Izaya laughed until his throat grew hoarse with the effort. I can see it now, we have a strong bond, it means that we have intense emotions about each other. Shinra must have hidden this from us, as it means we never can be apart without dying. Shizu-chan and I, we're equally cursed with a parasitic connection joining us together. Even now, I can feel our bond, weak as it is. It won't hold out too much longer, without me reuniting with him. Izaya stopped laughing and a cold and calculating look came over his face. Can I actually do anything? Options, options... I can't run away or pretend to care for him, or even destroy this leeching, ruining thing. He'll see right through me if I try to anything like that and I can't bring myself to pretend caring for a protozoan maniac such as him anyway. Maybe, I can be with him until our bond is stabilised, make him angry and lash out. Shizu-chan would hate that... But I would have to try to be around him, actually put up with his presence until we could separate. If that is even possible with the strength of our bond. Am I actually afraid? Me, Izaya Orihara? Thats, its ridiculous, I-I would never be so pathetic.

At that moment, for the first time in many years, true despair overcame Izaya Orihara. He lay back and the void loomed again, briefly making him think he was on a bench on raira's roof.

Then he remembered, what had happened when they're bond had reconnected and briefly become one.

It was when we shared out thoughts together for the first time, Shizu-chan comforted me and made me lie down. It was important... he actually cared about me, or he was pretending to. No! It was just the hormones of our bond making him act like that, since its changing both of us. We hate each other, I would never do that for Shizu-chan in return, never ever. I'll never like him, or comfort him, he-

His melancholic thoughts were only stopped by his phone ringing with a much awaited ringtone. It was Igarashi.

I need to answer it. If he has a time, then I'll go and... I'm so tired, I can't even think straight with my bond. I'll deal with everything as it comes, I'll meet him and then deal with the beast. Making a start with the Yakuza is the most important thing at the moment. I wish I didn't have to deal with such a stupid contact who obviously sees me as beneath him.

Izaya picked his phone up and answered the dial.

"Igarashi? Izaya Orihara here"

"Oh, Izaya, I have a time- are you all right? You sound tired, should we postpone the meeting further?"

"NO!" Izaya winced at the sharpness of his own voice.

"Okay, okay- well if you're gonna meet us, then come to the location I'll text you after this in four and a half hours. I know its short, but it's the only time I can do as the Awakusu have been pretty busy with some big deal with another gang and I had to do my bit. Heck this is why I'm up so early-".

Izaya tuned him out and pondered the time for a few moments, considering his condition and whether he should meet Igarashi. Then he shook his head and answered him with confirmation. He had waited far too long for this moment, bond or no bond.

"I can do it, I'll be there"

"That's great, maybe we can actually have some fun with this Izaya. If this goes well, we can make a meeting between you and Shiki. He's been wanting to meet you after I told him about you. I think he even has something you can help us with, we need info on some rival or whatever. I can't tell you too much now, let's talk about it at the check. See you then". Igarashi's end went silent and Izaya's phone went back to his call page.

Dropping his phone after checking his texts and seeing where Igarashi wanted to meet him, Izaya creased his forehead and rubbed the temples of his head as it began hurting. It was especially bad, as his bond was making him think about Shizuo again and he could feel that the pills were losing their ability to treat its symptoms.

I can rest a bit, The place Igarashi texted me is only some shopping warehouse I can get to in less than an hour. Three hours should be enough time for me to lie down and still have time for a shower.

Izaya shut his eyes and lay down in his pillowy nest, allowing it to comfort and settle his mind. Before he knew it, he had shunted off to a deep, deep sleep.

He was somewhere dark, and Shizu-chan was far, far away and yet so near. If he reached out, he could have touched him, but he didn't want to, and neither did the other.

It hadn't been an epiphany, or a happy revelation. But they would have to cross that distance and settle their bond, somehow.

Anger and hatred answered his thoughts, repressed, intense and all for him.

It tried to drown him out, to suffocate his thoughts and desires in its own selfishness. But it was ignorant, it wasn't drowning him out, it was stopping his suffering from reaching the other. It reminded him that Shizu-chan had been planning something, to tarnish his reputation at Raira somehow. He had put it completely out of his mind, as he was more concerned with Igarashi and making waves with the Yakuza, as well as the more physical ailments of his bond. But it seemed that he had been right in the fact that it didn't pose any threat to him or his reputation, because the beast had seemingly given up the attempt.

All of this was for the best, as Izaya never could, never would, accept their bond. He would settle it, but only to the barest minimum.

He finally forced himself awake.

Izaya woke up panting and sweating, cold shivers threatening to make him black out.

The void, the emptiness, helpless, hopeless It came crashing at him like a wearing down cacophony.

It would be so easy to give in. This is what a bond feels like after three days. It's as if I'm standing, no teetering, on an edge of oblivion. If I fall, no one would ever have to put up with Shizu-chan and I again. Izaya swayed and steadied himself against the back of the bed. I'm not going to give up that easily, I still have to do my best to attain immortality and get to Valhalla! Plus my lovely humans and Shizu-chan still have so much entertainment to give me!

Checking the time, Izaya saw he still had a few hours. Instead of risking another possible blackout, he grabbed one of the books on bonding and began reading the it to keep himself from falling asleep.

When it was time, Izaya smirked slightly and got up to take a shower. His symptoms seemed to be abiding for the moment. He wasn't exactly sure how he would be able to withstand the next wave of nausea and weakness, but he would have to meet Igarashi and see from there. He also wasn't about to give up just yet in avoiding Shizu-chan, maybe he could find more potent bond medicine to take or, or...

He had to stop thinking about it, he had a meeting with the Yakuza to attend.

Half an hour later found Izaya standing on a packed subway platform, waiting for his train to come in so he could get to his destination.

He eyed the people around him enviously, they all seemed so carefree without a bond or any of its troubles. Even if they were his beloved toys, his humans, he never would want any of them to go through what he was going through. It was strange to think that he had once wanted to observe bonded couples to see how they would act. Now he wanted nothing to do with them, they were nothing he wanted to associate himself with. He also would admit that he thought they were no longer human and that he thus didn't have to love them at all. But that would mean he no longer was-

Like Shizu-chan. His head supplied, as his world began to reel again. It was everything he didn't want to face, feelings and love and respect-

Izaya grit his teeth and finally got on the train as it came in. For some bizarre reason,he began feeling weirdly claustrophobic in addition to his bond aching. Usually he loved being among his humans, observing them, playing with them if he could. And now-

-He pushed his way onto the first train he saw, not even caring if it didn't lead home.

Shivering, Izaya made his way to a seat and wrapped his arms around himself, trying to rid his body of a sudden numbness that had robbed it of all its strength-

For a few moments, Izaya thought he was actually there, back when his bond was newly formed and already ruining everything in his life. He began hyperventilating and shivering again as his body took on the telltale numbness he had felt before.

"Are you all right?" He vaguely heard a concerned voice ask next to him. "Do you need an ambulance?"

"N-no, I just feel nervous being around so many people. I have claustrophobia you see, there's nothing you can do for me". He answered while trying to give the person his best grin, to get them to leave him alone.

The person, who actually turned out to be a young man only a few years older than him with glasses that reminded him of Shinra's, smiled at him in useless warmth and went back to the book he was reading.

Sighing, Izaya put his arms around his chest and tried to distract himself from his pain by looking around the compartment he was in. There was a varied plethora of lovely humans he could choose from to observe, to take his attention away from his bond. For instance, the young man next to him that had shown such abject concern, was reading a book on Renaissance art and his clothes were all top brands. This meant that he was either an art student, probably interning at some museum, or he had rich parents, allowing him to flaunt his wealth. His glasses-

Shinra, I don't want to be reminded of him. Why did I look at the man again?

Cheeks burning slightly, and taking a deep breath, Izaya pointedly averted his gaze and tried to look elsewhere for entertainment. The hollowness was beckoning to him again, over his guilt for not listening to his friend. He wasn't ready to face it, not yet-

It was best if he just kept looking. There was still a way to go on the journey and he didn't want to waste time.

He found his eyes wandering to the row of people sat opposite him and then the adverts above their heads that lined the top of the seats. He was too distracted to try to study them in his current mood. If he tried, he would probably find some minuscule detail or mannerism that would remind him of his friend or...

The adverts, One was for some too sweet confectionary he knew Mairu and Kururi liked. It was melon flavoured, and they swore it was better than anything else they had ever tasted. The recollection almost made Izaya giggle, and he had to bite down on his cheek to stop it from escaping him. Although he didn't like his sisters, he swore he didn't, they could still be entertaining as humans sometimes. It was a pity they were so annoying in their interactions with him otherwise.

The next one was a typical advertisement for a beauty product, in this case blue eyeliner. It declared that "if -untalented idol singer- could use their eyeliner, then so could you!" in a large yellow font that made Izaya's head hurt. Even so, he rolled his eyes at its pretentiousness in its intended purpose. It was a perfect example of his beloved humans consumerism in business and making each other spend money on flashy products they didn't really need. For that, it made him love them all the more, since they were so easy to manipulate and bend to his will! All apart from-

Shizu-chan, the only one who could see right through him and who he was bonded too. In a way it was strangely poetic, he could even influence Shinra if he tried hard enough. But he could only distract Shizu-chan in his anger and make him chase him...

-The others mind was solely focused on him, only on him. They were running, and he felt free-

"No!"

Izaya opened his eyes, which he hadn't known that he had screwed shut, only to see that everyone was staring at him. It was as if a cold shower had taken him when he realised that he had yelled out loud. The young man next to him had his look of pitiless concern back on, but wasn't making any moves to comfort him.

Not used to being the centre of attention for a bunch of strangers, Izaya went back to staring at the adverts and ignored everyone.

Only for the next one to be about bonds, specifically about finding "the one" in a touch rally and extolling its virtues of making a lasting connection with another person. It was so syrupy and ignorant that it made Izaya internally gag and almost brought back all his troubled feelings to the forefront of his mind.

I've just had enough of this, it's making me feel pathetic and undervalue myself. Also, if I'm bonded to a monster like Shizu-chan, does that make me no longer human or worthy for Valhalla. Again, Why do my thoughts turn to this? I'm trying hard not to think about IT, the hollowness or him, but I can't seem to escape bonds, their everywhere.

Luckily for Izaya, the train stopped at a station and the doors opened to allow people on and off. It also gave him a momentary chance to clear his head and shut his eyes to avoid looking at others. The young man with Shinra like glasses gave him a lingering look and got up and left.

The next few minutes and stops were blissful, he ignored everything and tried to reign in his thinking.

Then a bonded couple got on at one of the last stops.

The entire compartment went silent as they made their way to two seats at the far end of Izaya's row. Although most people seemed to ignore them, several stared at them openly, with mixed looks of disgust and awe.

Izaya himself couldn't help but steal looks at them from the corner of his eye. Curiosity getting the better of him even in the face of his bond paining him.

At first glance they seemed ordinary enough, they held hands and were looking into each other's eye with clear devotion. Both things were atypical of any other young couple Izaya had seen. Humans who were in love solely for each other, rather than the pure love that he had for all of humanity...

Then he noticed the little details, such as the fact that they both had white bands and weren't saying a word to the other. It was clear that they were communicating telepathically, rather than the low whispering into ears that most unbound couples would have done to show their love. It meant that nobody could hear them, they were entirely in their own little world without the need for anyone else.

It was against everything that Izaya loved about humanity, as he couldn't see their reactions and mannerisms. If he couldn't observe them, then he probably couldn't manipulate them.

It's... am I actually jealous? He thought incredulously. No, this is another feeling that my bond has unhinged. I'm only contemplating this because it has thrown my hormones into chaos. I could never love just one person as those bonded freaks are doing, it goes beyond everything I believe in. My love for humanity is pure, whole, as they are my toys... They are all equal and interesting to me! All of them! There's so much about them that I don't know about, its endless entertainment and it's all I need. I must be incapable of loving one person if I want to love them all. Shizu-chan isn't even human, he's a monster. Therefore, I don't need to worry or care about lov-

An image went through Izaya's head, of him and Shizuo doing what the other bonded couple was doing. Cuddling and holding hands and... It made him shiver in disgust and grimace uglily. His handsome young face briefly betrayed his true nature, as it contorted into a caricature of his feelings of hatred towards the beast. Then he calmed down and went into a stony coldness, no emotions overcoming his features.

If I saw Shizu-chan now I would kill him, slowly and painfully if I could. It's disgusting, beyond disgusting... That my shackling bond is making me feel these things. He mused darkly as he stared at his own feet than any of his beloved humans. Why did I have to bond at all, especially with a monster such as Shizu-chan? I don't deserve it... The next stop is when I get off, so I can meet Igarashi at the warehouse. It's only a short walk from here, I don't need to think about my bond for a while.

Getting up he made his way to the doors nearest to his seat and held onto a pole as the train slowed down. Feeling a pair of eyes on him, Izaya glanced back and met the eyes of the bonded woman, just as the train's doors opened.

She frowned and her eyes widened, matched by her partner taking the same expression a moment later. Izaya got the impression that it was as if she knew that he was bonded, and could see his problems.

Snickering he turned and strode out the door confidently, leaving her to stare as the doors shut behind him. He then began humming as he got out his last pill and took it, dropping its packaging in a nearby trash can as he went to the entrance of the station.

With the Madoka AU, I may just post the first chapter up to see how it will do and if it would get any attention. If it doesn't, then I'm going to abandon it as I just don't have the time for a fic that people won't enjoy, especially as I want to prioritise hate at first sight.

I'll post it up next Friday.

As for tumblr, I haven't made one yet as I need help picking a theme. Everything else is sorted out apart from that, if you have any good ideas can you please suggest some! Thanks in advance!