Kisame's Corner
Chapter 10
"Due to a donations by a couple of fans, (not pointing any fingers, you know who you are,) Hidan's head has exploded into millions of pieces and all the brain cells morphed into TINY HIDAN HEADS!!" Kisame announced.
"Is that even possible?" Itachi asked.
"It wasn't supposed to be possible, but I guess the laws of physics don't apply! Now he keeps yelling at me, and swearing at me, and reminding me of my various insecurities that are TOO NUMEROUS AND EMBARASSING TO ANNOUNCE HERE!!" Kisame yelled angrily.
"You realize that you just set off a whole chain reaction of questions before the show actually started, right?" Itachi said. Kisame slapped his forehead. "Yeah… let's just get this show on the road…"
"LIGHTS!! CAMERA!! ACTION!!" Kisame yelled. Immediately, the lights, cameras, and staff workers (bar Akatsukis) exploded.
"WHAT HAPPENED!?" Kisame asked. "You gave the computer too many commands! Everything overloaded!" Kakuzu said, trying to contain the fire… with gas.
"Alright… while Kakuzu kills himself… and probably take us with him… let's start the show." Kisame said.
Tobi-Here's
lots of pocky hands him five-zillion pocky Itachi-My friend
wants to date you. Would you date her? Pein--takes out giant
pliers- I'm gonna rip out nose peircings!chases after
him Konan-What's that noise in the kitchen? Deidara-Why
you die? Sasori-Has anyone called you Pinocchio? Kakuzu-Yay
we're both money obsessed! Hidan-How many copies of the Jashin
bible are there? Zetsu-Why do you have a fly trap
head? Kisame-Has anyone thought you were going to die because
of your skin color?
From: The All Mighty Black Death
TOBI: -trembles then explodes into a million Tobis- OMNOMNOMNOM!!!
ITACHI: No.
PEIN: OH YEAH!? –puts on Tobi mask- TRY AND FIND ME WHEN I'M SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WHO LOOK ALMOST EXACTLY LIKE MYSELF!!
KISAME: The only one who looks like you is Tobi.
PEIN: Exactly! I attached a very itchy cloning device to the back of his neck! And now, whenever I press this button, it releases 1,000 Tobis! (And I just pressed it 100 times!)
KISAME: Tobi, whatever you do… don't spontaneously clone a million of you. Like… last time. (please recall Attack of the Tobi)
TOBI: -swells up like a balloon- I REGRET NOTHING!! –blows up into a million (more) Tobis-
KONAN: Don't worry, It's gone now.
-Mutilated hand sticks out of the doorway-
KONAN: -shoves it back in- All gone.
DEIDARA: Why you bad grammar? (lol jk no one really cares)
SASORI: -flashbacks to grade school; a single tear rolls down his cheek-
KAKUZU: Hoo…ray?
HIDAN: I had the only copy. And Zetsu mistook it for a sandwich… -grumbles to self-
Oh yeah. One of the mini-me's tried to shove himself into a girl's ass and… well, I wouldn't go that low, y'know? If I'm having sex, I want the girl to know.
KONAN: You're disgusting.
HIDAN: Yeah well, so id your food.
KONAN: My food is perfectly edible!
HIDAN: Oh yeah? Then why does Pein have all your hamburgers in cages?
PEIN: FYI, they rebelled against me. I got it all under control though. Except for one. Keep a lookout.
ZETSU: Tryin' to kick me while I'm down, eh? My Girlfriend left me and I just found out that my parents were cut down by Paul Bunion and that STUPID OX OF HIS!! That's low man. Real low.
KISAME: Sometimes I think I'm dying. On the inside… -goes emo-
One
question for everyone: What is your favorite movie genre? Hmm,
well you were all wrong on the log-in thing, but... since I'm a
(semi-)nice girl, I'll give everyone except for Itachi and Sasori two
dollars. Hands out money Now go spend it on something worthless.
From: SlightlyBroken
ALL: Action-horror- comedy. Yesh.
TOBI: WE'LL SPEND IT ON MORE POCKY!!!
TOBIS: RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
--
All the Tobis stormed out of the studio and ran towards the nearest grocery store. Which is where Deidara was walking to, unfortunately.
"Aah, finally, some peace and quiet…" Deidara sighed. He heard a rumbling sound behind him and turned around. He saw an army of Tobis swarming towards him.
"Wow. It's almost as if the world wants to kill me. I just want it's working perfectly." He crossed his arms. "Good job, world." Deidara braced himself for the worst, but instead of the worst, he was thrown a piece of wood and started surfing on the waves of Tobis.
"INVADE THE MARKETING INDUSTRY!!!" The lead General Tobi roared, running towards the store.
"Thank you for your patronage!" The store clerk said happily. Hinata had just finished grocery shopping when she saw an army of Tobi and Deidara smash against the windows.
"…"
-Back at Kisame's Corner-
Okay
I can't think of a question for all of you this time so I won't even
try... I'll just question some of you. But I love you all...except
Hidan...: death glare: Eh, that's all I can think of...oh except one for all of
you!
Kisame the cool shark man: How was the
salmon pie? –happy emote-
Zetsu: Uh...sorry for bringing back
bad memories...twice... Uh how's the cannibal thing working out for
you now?
Tobi: Er Tobi when you came by for the tea party I think
you accidentally took the coffee maker with you...and a pie
sheet...and a few forks... Can we have them back? I'll give you a
cookie if you do.
Konan: Don't feel emo, most of us fangirls
think you're a totally awesome character, and you don't look like a
guy.
What's your least favorite show tune?
From: Kobukat
KISAME: Very good, thank you. Except for the fact that I remembered that I'm allergic to all fish except sharks. –swells up-
ZETSU: Very good, actually. Thank you. Though… I would like to fit in with the "normal" crowd and not get ridiculed and have rocks thrown at you but… It's still good. –tear-
TOBI: -currently terrorizing grocery stores- (I did? Oh, sorry. I'll return those when I'm done eating pocky. Yay cookie!!)
KONAN: Thank… you…! –sniffles-
PEIN: Oh don't get so emotional. No one really thinks you look like a guy anyway!
KONAN: You did.
PEIN: Well, I'm an evil villain. Whaddaya want from me?
KONAN: Better manners towards the woman who agreed to go out with you while only slightly drunk.
ALL: DISNEY!! D8
PEIN: THEY THINK SONGS ARE EVERYTHING!!
But their movies are pretty good anyways. –hmph-
Hidan:
(This is one person we were talking about- (question is
censored) Zetsu: I fight with myself too! Cool! SHH... THEY DONT
KNOW THAT... Pein: Why are your eyes pink? Albino or
something? Konan: I pity you... And sure! Lets trade lives!
Deidara: Break Hinata's heart and Ill break your face...
got it?
From: dark-emo-gal
DEIDARA: -still smashed against window- I think my face is already broken… Can one of you Tobis move your feet!?
ZETSU: FINALLY!! Someone who knows what I'm going through!! –is happy-
PEIN: They're not pink. They're light red.
ITACHI: Guess what? They already made a color for light red. It's called PINK.
(quote from Griff)
KONAN: -packs up things- Let's go!
Yo!
Questions for you guys. Anyways... I'll
give all you dudes a dollar if you can sing the Sailor Song in
perfect harmony.
Konan: Can I trade places with you? I'd do
anything to be in Akatsuki with those morons!
Deidara: Dump
Hinata. I think she still likes Naruto. :D
Itachi: If your
sharingans are making you go blind, why do you still keep them
on?
Hidan: I'll give you $50 to get Brave heart on DVD! It's a
beautiful story about a Scottish dude ripping people's heads off!
It's so violent you'll cry!
Kakuzu: I have a dollar and you
don't!
Tobi: Are you getting fat from all that cake and cookies?
-hands Tobi a cookie-
Pein: How much did it cost to get all those
peircings?
Zetsu: I have a lonely tree in my front yard who'd like
to meet you.
Shniz: Do you want a cookie? Well I'm not giving you
it; I'm giving it to Tobi. :D So there. Ha.
From: GaaraxxxheartxxxAi
KONAN: AWESOME!! TWO REPLACEMENTS!! God help both your souls.
--
Kisame rode a boat through the sea of Tobis and found Deidara. "Kisame! Thank god, you came for me!" Deidara said happily.
"Yup! Here's your question!" Kisame handed him a sticky note and left. "W-WAIT!! WHERE ARE YOU GOING!?" Deidara yelled. He was now stuck in a sea of Tobi with a sticky note on his forehead.
"Hey senpai," One of the Tobis said. "You look like one of those Zombie things from Shaman King!" Deidara merely punched him in the face.
--
ITACHI: I'm blind if I don't keep them on.
HIDAN: For your Information, I've already seen it. Beautiful story. –tear-
KAKUZU: IS THAT A TEAR!?!?
HIDAN: NO!!
KAKUZU: Good. 'Cuz real men DON'T CRY.
HIDAN: You're money is burning.
KAKUZU: -holding back tears- (Answer to question: UP YOURS!!)
--
Kisame rode out again into the sea of Tobis. "You know, maybe I should just stay here!" He muttered. "yes, stay here and HELP ME!!" Deidara yelled.
He held up the question tied to a rock. "WHO WANTS THIS ONE!?" he yelled, holding it up in the air. "I DO!!" A random Tobi called. Kisame responded by throwing the rock at the Tobi. "Ow."
--
PEIN: More than I make in a year! (Meh, that's not a lot…)
ZETSU: I don't like older women. And plus, trees are very good at hiding their gender (if you know what I mean, -wink, wink-)
ALL: -scoots away-
SHNIZ: Which Tobi? –points to sea of Tobi-
TOBIZ: OI!!
(We will save that last request for the end of the chapter)
Hi!!
First time I'm asking some questions, so here I go: Kisame:
You're my favorite Akatsuki member! Okay, how would you feel if I
cosplayed as you? Just asking. Pein: Are you...possibly...an
alien...? (It's from one of my fanfics) Hidan: You're my
second favorite! Anyways, are you albino? You have pink eyes and
white hair. Itachi: My sister cosplayed as you for Halloween,
how does that make you feel? Deidara: Cool! We're both
artists! I love your way of art though, making things explode is fun!
-evil smile- Thanks! From: Kawazoe Michiyo
KISAME: Thank you. It has been so long since I received positive feedback. I thought it all dried up at the beginning of my career! And yes, you can cosplay as me.
PEIN: No, I'm a robot. NO ONE MUST KNOW.
ITACHI: You just yelled it over the intercom.
PEIN: Damn!
HIDAN: Albino? Meh. –is uninterested-
ITACHI: It makes me feel mortified that a person with BOOBS cosplayed as me. Your sister does have boobs, right?
KONAN (from her car): -throws rock that says Disgusting and your- YOU MAY WANT TO PUT THOSE IN THE CORRECT ORDER!! –drives off-
--
Kisame threw Deidara a question. That was tied to a rock. "'nother question." He muttered, turning a page in a magazine.
"WHY DON'T YOU FEED ME!?" Deidara yelled back. "'Cuz I don't like you!" Kisame yelled.
lol!
I love this okays I have questions/comments for you.
Dei-kun
(Deidara): Do you honestly love Hinata? (if you don't I'll kill
you...-brings out katana-)
Swirl-kun (Tobi)- hi! I love you! in a
lot of my fanfics(I'll post them soon) i pair you up with my crazy
OC, Remi. P.S- why do wear a mask? Take the damn thing
off!)
Madara:...why Swirl-kun? (no offence Tobi) really, you could
have done much better.
Ri-kun(Sasori): why did you have to go and
die...?
Fish-kun(Kisame): You fight with a tampon. DEAL WITH
IT!
Konan: I feel for you...really.
Pei-kun(Pein): How could do
that to your own son? Why put Kyuubi in Naru-kun?!!??!?!? (P.S.: your
son is stupid. WTF is with 'Believe it!'? Does he have
ADD/ADHD?)
Ita-kun(Itachi): ...your hot...
I don't have
questions for the rest of you(...yet...) so i'll give you your
nicknames:
Zu-kun(Kakuzu)
Dan-kun(Hidan)
Plant-kun(Zetsu)
From: d3m3nt3dchildx3
Kisame was faxed a few questions for Deidara, Tobi, and himself. He threw another rock at Deidara, and another at a random pile of Tobis, who swarmed around the rock-question.
"O-Of course I love Hinata! In fact, I'm talking to her right now! Except she can't hear me through the sound-proof glass." Deidara answered. "LET ME IN!!!" He wrote on the glass. To Hinata it looked like "NI EM TEL" Hinata merely wrote a question mark on a piece of cardboard. "Dammit!"
One random Tobi that grabbed the rock answered the question addressed to Tobi. "The reason (We) wear the mask is because it's become part of my face. Kind of." It said before being drowned out by a wave of Tobis.
"Why the swirly-masked idiot, you ask? Well, heh, the choice wasn't mine to make. One minute I'm walking around Hell, minding my own business, and the next thing I know, I'm in this idiot! It's not so bad I guess. The fans, and so many people offering to have sex with me! Back when I was alive, people scorned you for being a villain. Nowadays, you have fans lining up at your doorway to get your signature or articles of clothing. The attention feels great." Madara explained.
--
SASORI: Because I was tired of… this… -refers to group of Akatsukis in background-
KISAME: Why do people keep making bad nicknames for us? IT'S NOT A TAMPON GODDAMMIT!!
KONAN: Thanks…
PEIN: He is not my son. HE IS NOT MY SON!! And even if he were, he wouldn't have inherited my traits. Sure, he has the spiky hair, and I may have had a few whiskers when I was a kid but… that does not mean he has inherited my genes. Completely.
KONAN: He sure inherited your skills…
PEIN: YOU DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE BEING TEASED ABOUT HAVING WHISKERS!!
ITACHI: Yes. Yes I am.
Um...Hidan
if you really want to see the movie I bootlegged Violence the movie
just in case (Although there was that one random guy in front whose
head exploded) Any who questions for all of you If you could
be stuck in a Horror movie which one would it be?
From: PhoenixCharmer116
PEIN: Does Scary Movie 4 count? 'cuz that's the one I'd be in.
KONAN: The Ring.
ITACHI: Dawn of the Dead.
KISAME: JAWS!! (Technically a thriller but…)
SASORI: Pinnocchio. Believe me, if you think about it the way I do, it IS a horror flick.
DEIDARA: DOOM.
HIDAN: VIOLENCE THE MOVIE!!
KAKUZU: something involving money.\
ZETSU: The fog…?
TOBI: CAREBEARS THE MOVIE!! –If you think about it, it IS a horror film-
MADARA: SCREAM. And scream, and SCREAM!! AHAHAHAHAHAH!!! Oh god. I am very evil today.
SHNIZ: Friday the 13th…?
Hey
everyone! Neko is back!
This question is for all of you (including
Madara):
If there was the slight chance of zombies taking over the
world and eating peoples brains, what is your zombie plan?
I know
you all have one so don't lie and say you don't cough(Pein)cough.
From: nekomaniac13
PEIN: Unleash my Tobi army against the Zombies and when we prevail, I SHALL BE KING!!
KONAN: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
ZETSU: Eat them.
ITACHI: Use my forehead crushing technique. Which is what I was practicing on Sasu-gay when we were kids!
KISAME: Go back to my parents house AND COLLECT A BIG FAT INHERITANCE!!
TOBI: Hug them! Then they'd be Zombies that ONLY LOVE!!
DEIDARA: You've been talking to Caboose again, haven't you? Anyway, my plan is to blow them all up. INCLUDING YOU.
SASORI: Unleash my Puppet-based wrath on them.
KAKUZU: Pay them to leave me alone.
HIDAN: As the holy (Jashin) bible says, 'Thou shalt Kill, and kill, and KILL!!"
SHNIZ: Curl up in a ball and pray they don't get me.
MADARA: FART ON THEM!!
PEIN: That's… horrible…
MADARA: EXACTLY! THE ONLY WAY TO DEFEAT SOMETHING HORRIBLE IS TO FIGHT IT WITH SOMETHING EVEN MORE HORRIBLE!! In my case it's farts… hehe –fart-
lol. me: wtf happe-poked Ah-oh...O.O
Itachi:
I KNOW WHY U POKED SASUKE! its the 'off' button! It really works!
gets poked in forehead Ah-oh...O.O silence
friend starts
typing for shadow
Kisame: I like sushi.
Kakuzu stole your
fifty dollahs!
Hidan: gives Kakuzu's fifteh dollahs
Tobi: I
WOKE UP AT FIVE AM! NOT. HEALTHY.!
-pokes everyone in the fore
head except Itachi cuz he's the "Inventor" of the
poking-
From: Shadow The Inu Youkai
ITACHI: actually… that was the second reason. The first, if everyone recalls, was that poking foreheads can be very deadly. Observe. –takes two fingers and shoves it through a brick wall-
KISAME: Heh… that's nice…
KAKUZU: F-curses violently-
HIDAN: Wait- what the-!? –Cursing Kakuzu chases Hidan-
TOBI: I'd imagine it isn't.
K,
I got more questions...oh and the 'i love you all (kinda)' thing was
i love Hidan, Sasori, Pein, Tobi, Kakuzu and Deidara more than Zetsu,
Kisame and since I'm a girl i don't really like Konan. Anyway the
questions. Itachi- Do you think Sasuke is gay? Sasori-get
that stick out of your ass, and are you really 35? Deidara- i
think you can get a girl that's way better than Hinata...(me) who
said that? looks around Tobi- you're a good boy don't listen
to mean leader-sama. Pein- stop being so mean to
Tobi. Kakuzu- I WANT $50 now Smiles well again I love
you all (kinda)
From: xvampirexblood
ITACHI: 'Gay' is practically half his name. So I assume that he is gay.
SASORI: No. I'm not 35. I'm 40. –smokes cigarette-
DEIDARA: STFU
TOBI: WILL DO! –salutes-
PEIN: Oh sure, follow the crazed fangirls. AND YOU!! SHUT UP!! All I'm being is a GOOD LEADER!!
KONAN: -(yeah right…)-
KAKUZU: My fifty dolla. –holds up $50-
Itachi: -burns it with Mangekyou-
PEIN: You realize those $50 were your paycheck for the whole year.
ITACHI: Dammit! Forced myself into deeper bankruptcy!
Just
so you know this is fireninja1, I changed my name because I became
obsessed with kingdom hearts(chain of memories & II)...
XemnasMansex, XigbarBigrax Pein: Good job on killing Xemnas.
Now all you need to do is kill his heartless:
Ansem-
I mean Xehanort. Also if you need a powerful member, can I suggest
letting Grimmjaw Jaggerjack (bleach) join?
Kakuzu: Did you know
you personality is almost identical to Luxord's?
Hidan: If you are
immortal...HOW OLD ARE YOU?!?!? and Haha you use the same weapon as
Marluxia!!(Queer, Pink haired organization XI member)
Kisame: Do
you eat chicken? throws Demyx's sitar at you
Itachi: Why did you
leave SasuGAY alive? Seriously...WHAT THE FK!?!?!?!?!?! Actually
why did you kill your family to begin with? also I have decided to
stop insulting you. shoots you in the knees then sets you on
fire
Deidara: How many mouths do you eat with?
Sasori: If your
heart is preserved, then where is your brain? (your possibly
brainless)
Obito Tobi: HOW THE FK DO YOU SURVIVE IN
AKATSUKI?!?!?!?!?!
Madara Tobi: How many clones of you are
there...(Akatsuki: attack of the Tobi 2! OMG SEQUILL! NO!)
Konan
O'Brian: Why do you wear a Hawaiian flower on your head?
Zetsu: Is
there a Canadian version of you? (I live in Canada)
From: Lynxad the Machine Demon
PEIN: Yeah. We've been hunting him down for a while now but he hasn't turned up.
-Guy in trench coat (that looks a lot like Ansem) in the backround-
I wonder where he is…
And as for that Grimmjaw… I'm avoiding people with long complicated names. But, I put him on the call back list.
KAKUZU: I play cards with him all the time. At least up before the point where he was killed by a teenager and his Disney friends.
HIDAN: Older than you. And my scythe is not gay. –hmph!-
KISAME: Maybe- OW!! WHERE'D THAT COME FROM!? –looks around the sea of Tobi but sees nothing-
ITACHI: Aw, I felt sorry for the kid. But now I'm sorry for me. It's really hard to kill him now! And I killed my family because it was a phase I was going through. It kinda went out of hand, as you can see.
DEIDARA: Only one.
SASORI: -opens up head- Happy now?
TOBI: I don't. I'm clone number 586739.2.
MADARA: See the idiot's statement before.
KONAN: WHAT THE FUCK!? And it's not a Hawaiian flower, it's something Pein gave me a while back. It's actually made of paper.
ZETSU: Yes. I believe it's my second cousin that is outside your window.
-Zetsu's cousin waves to you outside window- "Don't tell the cops I'm here"
--
"Hey, Deidara! We got a singing request from a random fan!" Kisame yelled at Deidara. "Which song?" Deidara asked. "The Sailor Song!" Kisame answered. "Aw shit, I hate that song!" Deidara muttered angrily.
"Here's a grappling hook to get you out!" Kisame threw him a rope. "WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THIS EARLIER!?" Deidara asked angrily as the hook hit his eye. "AAGH!! DAMMIT!!" Kisame hoisted Deidara up.
--
"Alright, Akatsukis, Like we practiced!" Pein called, raising his hands up. "BROADWAY OR BUST!!" He yelled.
Hidan raised his hand. "WHO'S BUST!!?? ROFLMAO!!" He yelled stupidly, clapping his hands in amusement. Konan whacked him over the head with a chair.
One, Two, three!
SO IF WE ALL COME TOGETHER,
WE KNOW WHAT TO DO!
WE ALL COME TOGETHER JUST TO SING
"WE LOVE YOU!!"
At the sound of the horrible sound coming from Kisame's boat, the Tobis began wailing in agony and one of them exploded.
"HOLY SHIT!!"
"KEEP SINGING GUYS! IT'S MAKING THE TOBI'S POP!!"
And if we all come together
We know what to do
We all come together just for you!
Konan jumped on stage.
Racing all around the 7 seas
Chasing all the girls
And making robberies
Causing panic everywhere they go
Party hardy on Titanic!
Sailing, Sailing, Jumping off the railing!
Drinking, Drinking, 'til the ship is sinking
Gambling, stealing, lots of sex appealing
Come let's sing the Sailor song!
-chorus-
AAAHHH!!!
The end. BE HAPPY. That's all you're gonna get!
BTW, Konan sang the girl part.
And in the end, All the Tobis started a riot, and instead of solving the problem, they actually made things worse.
That exploding Tobi in the beginning… Yeah. It was just the horrible result of instant panic.
"Yeah, baby, you can sail my ship!" Pein said to Konan. She slapped him hard in the face.
And then they all lived in a world horribly similar to Attack of the Tobi for the rest of this chapter.
THE END. (of the chapter)