Disclaimer: Nope. Still don't own Castle.

[No Spoilers in reviews please...]

A/N: A story can still have tales to tell while the pen lacks the will to write them. It's always struggle to find motivation when readership drops precipitously. As Martha would say: It's like Broadway, when the audience stops coming then the show has gone stale. Bottom line: When the number of readers drops from 1000+ to a small fraction of it; well there must be something wrong with the story right? Something where the plot has lost cohesion; because the only feedback I get in general about whether the concept works (other than the handful of highly !appreciated! reviews) is the number of readers. I do feel a sense of loyalty to those who have stuck with it so far, and there are still things to be said.

Beta Note: For those improvements in English mechanics and grammar (appreciate the comment), thank my beta (elizabeth . bynog) not me.

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Alexis was finally done with classes for the day. She knew her dad was fine and that there was nothing she could do in just keeping him company. So back to class she'd gone, only to be surprised during a midmorning break with a voicemail from her mother telling her she was heading back to California, all to save her dad from further worry. None of the message made a great deal of sense, but a returned call had gone straight to voicemail, probably meaning her mother was already in the air, flitting her way back west.

As she walked along the corridor she saw someone, a very identifiable someone, sitting on the floor, knees drawn in tight to her chest. Detective Beckett looked to be curled almost into the tightest ball she could, hugging her limbs and staring off into space.

Alexis approached her somewhat tentatively, "Detective Beckett? What are you doing here?"

Kate looked up, clearly surprised to see Alexis so close, apparently she hadn't noticed her approach.

"Err... Hi Alexis, I came to see your dad, to make..."

Alexis recognized distraction when she saw it. It was a common enough experience with her dad; sometimes she had to be a little blunt with him. "So I assumed. I meant why are you out here? Not in there? With him?"

There was no question at all that Detective Beckett was heavily distracted given her response. "Did you know?"

The question was really too vague to be remotely useful; Alexis' rhetoric professor would have been horrified. "What? Did I know what?"

There was a smile trying mightily and failing spectacularly to attach itself to Detective Beckett's face. "About the ring? That he was going to propose?"

Suddenly everything made sense. Not in a sense-making sort of way, but rather in a comprehending-the-shock sort of way. Comprehending Detective Beckett's shock, Kate's shock.

"Are you okay Kate? No, I didn't know, at least not until after the accident."

Alexis had never really heard Kate's voice so subdued, so lacking in self confidence, "Why didn't you tell me? I came so close..."

"It wasn't our place to tell, Grams and I. So close to what?"

Kate was almost mumbling to herself, but still looking at Alexis, or in the direction of her at least. "To doing something foolish Alexis, to doing something very foolish; I almost left him when he was so hurt, needed me, needs me."

Despite some anger Alexis knew she still had, and the fact the none of this was making a great deal of sense, there wasn't much doubt that Kate shouldn't be sitting out in the hallway alone. "Why don't you come inside?"

A head shake. "Can't."

"Why not? Sooner or later you have to move, how long have you been here? You can't sit there, I'm surprised a nurse hadn't chased you off yet."

The barked laugh in response to that was unexpected. "They did. Twice. I came back. They aren't chasing me away! They leave me alone now."

"Why won't you come inside?"

Kate's voice firmed up a little then, her backbone stiffening, determination beginning to showing through, but her response still meandering. "If I see him I'll cry. He had a ring Alexis. He was going to propose. I'd have said yes. You know that right? I would have said yes. No matter what else, I would have said yes. I want to wear that ring so badly Alexis. Give me more time okay? I just need to process."

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Rick had finally been given permission to read by Doctor Andrews, and was looking forward to digging into the series of Derek Storm books of which he had no recollection. The Nikki Heat series that Detective Beckett had give him was a priority also, but he thought tackling everything chronologically might help him grasp his story, the evolution of his state of mind over the prior seven years.

He had just finished the first chapter of Storm's Last Stand when Alexis pushed her way into his room, still carrying her textbooks from her last class.

"Hi Dad." She dumped her books on his side table, right next to his stack.

Rick looked at the small mountain of paper with some amusement, knowing that it would likely offend her environmental sensibilities if she really thought about it. "Hello Pumpkin. Learn anything?"

"Sure, but I've got a question for you."

He had noticed that she had been glancing back toward the door as she entered the room. Something was definitely on her mind and it likely wasn't a question about a literature class. "Shoot."

"How long has Detective...How long has Kate been out in the hallway?"

That caught him by surprise, she'd been gone hours. "She's still here? I thought she left."

Alexis put her hand on his shoulder, she was trying to parent him again. He could see right through her, not that he'd stop her, he enjoyed her mature affection far too much to interfere.

"Dad, I'm still a little mad at her for the way she disappeared on you; but she didn't do that this time. She's been out there for a while I think. What happened?"

It had been an interesting experience, showing his apparent girlfriend an engagement ring and watching her back out of the room in response. "I showed her the ring, Mother said it'd be for the best, to be open, to not hide it. Kate didn't say much, just something about needing time, and then she left. She looked upset."

"I don't think she was upset in a bad way. Honestly Dad, I don't think you can read her like you could before, well obviously really, you don't have the experiences."

"Did I divorce Gina with the advance from Storm Fall?"

"What!?"

The look of complete shock on Alexis' face made him immediately start to wonder about the wisdom of that disclosure. "Well you said experiences and I remember this sort of dream from last night..."

"You remember?"

He tried his best to shrug but it hurt, so a questioning tone was the best he could do. "Well I don't know right? Did I just dream or..."

Alexis' head was buried in his shoulder now, gently buried but still, she was trying to get as close as she could. "Dad! You remembered! That wasn't just a dream."

"But..."

Alexis was already back upright and reaching for the call button; determined and talking over him. "I have to call Grams, and we need Doctor Andrews. I should call Doctor Parish too."

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Kate felt the presence of someone standing in front of her; not crowding, but close.

"Girl, what are you doing out here?"

Looking up, she saw exactly what she expected. Lanie, with her hands on her hips, head tilted, and an exasperated expression all over her face.

"Hey Lanie."

"Do not 'hey' me Kate Beckett! Why are you sitting out here?"

Kate wasn't being petulant, but just felt she really didn't need the harassment right now. "Because I needed to think."

Lanie clearly wasn't in the mood to let her off easily though. "Bah! You think too much. What do you want? Simple."

"He had an engagement ring Lanie."

Kate could see the look of surprise on Lanie's face, anyone could have seen it. Such a look on Lanie's face normally came with red flashing warning lights. Esposito would run, Ryan take cover, and even Kate would tread carefully around that look. Normally.

The tone had a touch of steel, iron, granite, something hard, something that could take a beating and wasn't going to be put off easily. "A ring huh? So... I ask again, why are you sitting out here."

Kate didn't feel in the mood to be pushed around, not by anyone, and not by Lanie, so she snapped, "Because! Because it hurts to look at what I've lost!"

"You're a fool Kate Beckett. You've lost nothing! Temporarily misplaced. You're staying in New York, he's still in New York. You've always been a go getter. Go get it! He's right in there."

Lanie was still standing with her hand on her hip, the other pointing at the door to Rick's room, when Martha walked up with eyebrows raised, as Kate clambered to her feet.

"Well hello ladies. Interesting discussion?" Martha had a distinct, highly amused smirk dancing cross her face.

"Yes Mrs R. Kate was just going to say good night to Rick in there and then I was going to take her out of here."

Kate didn't want to go anywhere; she still hasn't decided what needed to be done. "Lanie, I'm not leaving him; Tyson is still out there and Rick could be in danger."

"You are leaving. You need real food, sleep; you look exhausted. The guys told me about Tyson, but it's not exactly his style to walk in here and kill Castle in a hospital bed."

"Doctor Parish is right Katherine, wouldn't he plan something a little more diabolical? Richard is probably perfectly safe here tonight. He'll be going home tomorrow, and I'll have someone review the security, especially after the last time."

Kate could feel the enthusiasm, the eagerness threaded through her voice, a reason to return to the loft, "I'll do it! I know the loft, the shots where things could be hidden."

"Of course you do dear. Come round when you have time..."

"What time is he getting home tomorrow?"

"I expect about 10AM, but why..."

"I'll be there then, 10AM."

Kate took a step towards the door, towards Ricks's room, then turned to face Martha again. "Have you packed up all my stuff at the loft? Do I need to do that tonight? Move it out?"

Martha approach her and put an arm around her shoulder, gradually guiding her towards the door. "No dear, I think it's best to leave it; he doesn't remember things, but the sooner he learns who he is, rather than remembering the man he was, well it'll be better for him. The loft, his home as it is now, that will tell him something more about the parts of his story that are missing. That's all he has right now, he's going to obsess, dig, find everything out eventually. We might as well help him along the way."

Lanie called out behind her as she was gently pushed through the door, "Say goodbye and I'll be right here."

Martha stayed in the doorway, speaking firmly. "Alexis, may I have a word please?"

A quick glance between them and then Kate was alone with him.

It was a soft voice that finally escaped, "Hi Rick."

"You've been sitting out there this whole time?"

"Yeah."

"Why? Why didn't you sit in here? I thought you were upset about the ring, repulsed or something."

"No... You want the truth?"

"Always. I always want the truth."

She was clenching her teeth, grinding them together almost, anything to stop the quiver in her jaw that could turn into tears at any moment. "I was upset Rick, but not mad; upset because it looked so beautiful, and if not for one stupid accident I'd be standing in front of you wearing it right now. I would have said yes, I have no doubt about that. I would have said yes."

She could see he was a little surprised, and that in itself was disappointing, whether the Rick who knew her would have been surprised by that answer she'd probably never know.

"What about the job? My mother told me you were looking to move away."

She took two more quick steps toward the bed, nearing arms reach but still hesitant. "No Rick, no, I hadn't decided anything before the accident. I don't know if the job would have been compatible with the kind of relationship either of us want, I doubt it would. Would you have worked with me? Helped me try to have both? I don't know. I hadn't decided about it then, but I have now. I'm not taking it. There is no way I can leave you while you're hurting. I can't, I won't do that to you or to me."

Kate watched him slowly, gingerly, pick up the ring from the side table, where it had apparently been sitting the whole time, unnoticed by her. He held it out a little in her direction, "Why don't you take it Kate. A gift. I obviously got it for you and you clearly wanted it..."

She let out a sharp snap, "No!" Regretting it instantly as he flinched. "No, sorry, no. I don't want a gift from you Rick, I don't want some piece of expensive jewelry to wear. I don't want it like that."

Rick folded his hand back around the ring, "I didn't mean it like that."

Kate started backing away again, "I'm sorry okay, I have to go, I'll see you tomorrow at home ok?"

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The rest of the afternoon and night had flown by for Rick; his mother and Alexis bustling into the room as soon as Kate had stepped out of the door. The aura of excitement surrounding his daughter was a little contagious, bringing a smile his face that he couldn't really shake, nor did he really want to.

Alexis had peppered him with questions for hours, asking for details around what he remembered about his divorce from Gina, whether he recalled anything of the plot of Storm Fall; just small question after small question. In the end he'd just been worn out, the strain of the day wearing him down; reading, questioning, talking; it was a lot for a guy with a still bruised brain. He thought he'd handled it pretty well until his eyes started to drift closed and he lost track of the conversation.

When his eyes did manage to open he was alone, and a quick glance at his new watch told him why, it was 8AM. He'd slept straight through the night. Today was his day, he was going home, to a loft he'd owned for years, but he was sure would have a unfamiliar look.

He tried to doze, unable to focus enough to read, clicking on the television to watch some mindless drivel and bide his time. It took a little while before activity began to pick up, first with food, if it could be called that, more appropriately nutrient mush. Then a final round of checks, followed by paper work. The grand finale was the arrival of Alexis and his mother who added some dramatic gravitas; that and a robe since he couldn't put pants on over the scaffolding over his leg.

Then they were off, after a major and painful effort, to get Rick into the electric wheelchair that he was allowed to pilot himself down to the elevators. The doctors had told him that he could have the fancy motorized chair for now given the stress fractures in his arms; but as soon as they were healed he would be back to pushing himself around, just like last time.

The trip home was brief enough, his mind wandering, looking around has they drove noticing how much the city around him had changed but stayed the same. So much like him, the same man underneath. Maybe it so changed on top from what his mother said, how much of that was driven by age, killing off Storm, his family, and Kate. So many changes, he didn't know what they were, only how he was now, and how to get them back even if he did want them.

When he finally drove himself out the elevator towards he loft he stopped short, the others pulling up behind him.

"Kate? What are you doing here?"

She ceased her pacing, turning to meet his eye with her own, seemingly loosing herself for a moment before responding. "Hi Rick. I came to welcome you home and to check the security remember?"

He was confused, "Security? I don't..."

His mother leaned down into his peripheral vision and filled him in. "I spoke to Katherine yesterday about doing a home security check. Tyson bugged it last time; better to be safe than sorry."

Standing, she continued to talk, but to question Kate now. "It's only 9:35 Katherine, didn't we say 10? Don't you have a key? Why are you outside not inside?"

Rick could see Kate twiddling something in her fingers as she replied. "I said I'd be here when he got home. I've been waiting just in case, but it didn't feel right letting myself in, it's not like I'm going to be living hear any more is it?"

"We were living together?"

"Sorry Rick, perhaps that didn't come out right. We weren't officially living together but I seemed to spend more nights here than I did at my own apartment. I had..."

"Children! Perhaps we should continue this inside? Kate would you get the door for us please?"

Rick piloted himself through the open door and over to the side of the couch, within reach of a side table and the television remote. Then he settled in as the rest of his company started to move around the loft. Alexis to start coffee, his mother to get him some blankets.

He watched as Kate entered last, pulling the key from the door and placing it slowly down on the table closest to the door where it caught the light as she released it. She then pulled out an electronic device from a case she was carrying, waving it at him. "You'd love this thing Rick; bug detector, borrowed it from the precinct. I'm going to start in the office."

After getting the coffee brewing, Alexis brought him an envelope and a tablet. "Dad, your wallet and phone are in here, and here's your iPad so you can stop stealing mine now. I didn't want to give it to you at the hospital before you were allowed to read, you'd just spend all day on it and give yourself a headache. I charged everything for you too."

Rick pulled out his wallet first, flipping through the selection of cards, some of which looked different, but the brands were recognized and familiar; particularly the American Express Centurion which he'd had for a long time. There was a piece of folded paper in the back too, and he pulled that out, unfolding it to reveal a hand written bucket list. He'd had one for years he remembered, but the #1 on this one was unfamiliar: 'Be with Kate.' It was somehow both a surprise, and given all the other information piling down on him, completely unsurprising. He carefully refolded the list and put it back; perhaps a topic for a later conversation.

He pulled the phone out of the envelop next and immediate saw he had an iPhone. It made him feel special until he remember they launched almost 7 years ago now. Clicking the single button to bring it out of sleep mode he was shocked, momentarily froze; the picture on the screen wasn't Alexis, it was Kate. He'd always had Alexis as front and center of everything, but this picture, one of broadly smiling, casually dressed Kate shook that foundation. Yes he'd apparently planned to propose, but even this one little revelation made things sink in a little more. It was still an intellectual awareness though to him, he understood it in principal; but the emotions he'd expect to feel if all those were true, well they were still absent.

He swiped the phone as Alexis has shown him only for a request to pop up [Enter Passcode], and he drew a complete blank. Passcode? Something horrible was bound to happening he guessed. He called out, not yelling, didn't want to hurt his head, "Hey! Anyone know my passcode?"

Kate called out from the depths of his office, where he could barely see her through the open bookcases, "It's 4131 Rick."

He typed it in and the phone unlocked, "Thanks."

Her voice was closer when he heard her speak again, "It's the first four digits of my badge number. Your iPad is the last four, 1319." She was standing in the office doorway when he looked over, and immediately made a gesture over her shoulder, disappearing back into the office.

Looking down at his phone again he almost laughed, he had little red dots next to almost all his apps, only some of which he recognized from playing with Alexis'. The 137 next to the phone and the 999 next to the email button he could figure out, but had no interest dealing with right now. Most everyone important to him knew he had not had his phone for the last week, so the messages wouldn't be from them. He flipped through the phone out of interest, to the favorites list: and there she was again at the top of that lists too: Beckett, followed by Alexis, his mother, and on down to newly familiar names.

Flicking over to Photos, he saw albums for Alexis, Kate, and a small variety of other topics. The Alexis folder contained an enormous variety; her when she was young girl to the young woman she was today; one appeared to be a video of what must have been her high school graduation.

The folder of photos on Kate was shocking almost, numerous pictures of her at what he presumed was the police precinct, crime scenes, over lunch, burgers; hair long, short, and everything in between. As he scrolled through they seemed to become more intimate, the expressions directed at him becoming softer, shifting from glares and smirks to smiles and winks.

It was when it swiped past the first blown kiss that his eyes almost bugged out; she wasn't dressed in the next one, laying on a bed in some skimpy underwear, smiling at the camera.

Rick hesitated with his thumb ready to swipe to the next image, but reconsidered and put his phone face down on his leg.

Decision made he raised his voice, "Kate? Can you come here a second?"

She came hurrying out of the office, bug sweeper in hand, "What? Something wrong? Are you okay?"

He nodded at the sofa beside him, "Nothing wrong, just needed to talk for a second. Um...I have pictures on my phone, Kate."

She was visibly more relaxed now than the tense appearance she'd had she hurrying over, "Sure, the pictures. So?"

Rick tried to put the subtext into the look, "Pictures Kate."

He could see it click, her eyebrows raise slightly, "Oh! Well... Yes, obviously. You should. Not to be shared though."

"You knew?"

Kate tilted her head at him, she appeared a little confused by his surprise. "Well of course, I was a participant in them. I have pictures of you on my phone too."

His surprise was palpable, "You do?"

Kate took a deep breath, he could see her reminder herself of the situation, "Of course I do. Remember what we talked about yesterday, we were close Rick, really close. You told me about Jordan remember? We took pictures too."

Rick did remember he'd told her his deepest secret, something he'd never told another soul; compared to that, the pictures seemed so small a thing.

There was something he'd like to know though, smirking at her, "When did you look at the ones of me last?"

She turned her head away and he could see a slight flush touch her cheeks as she responded quietly, "Last night."

He'd meant it as a joke, not expecting an answer, and certainly not that one. "Last night? Why?"

Kate looked him directly in the eyes, embarrassment apparently worth making her point, "Because I missed you."

He gestured up and down his body, waggling his eyebrows, "As soon as I'm healthy I'd be happy to help you out Detective."

Kate pulled a face at him, leaning to whisper in his ear, ensuring nobody overheard. "I am not going to be a Ricard Castle conquest. I never was before and I won't be now. We were sleeping together because we were in love Rick, not for recreation. You are not so charming as that."

He was tempted to turn his head, but remained still, letting Kate talk directly into his ear. "And if I was?"

"More charming and less jackass? Maybe you'd have gotten lucky Rick. Too late now though, I know what I want from you, and it isn't just a roll in the sack."

Kate was pulling back from his ear as he asked, sitting back onto the safe, "What is it you want?"

Her face tightened, hesitation apparent. Whatever her response was, she wasn't sure if she wanted to tell him; that much was clear. "You said you always wanted the truth, and I've failed to deliver it in the past, but not this time. What do I want? I want the ring Rick, I want..."

"I said you could have it..."

"Let me finish. I want what the ring was meant to be, not the jewelry. You're not ready for that obviously, just know than when you are, I'm waiting."

He was dumbstruck. Had she just proposed to him? In a sort of understated way certainly, but that's kind of what it sounded like.

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Kate had left Rick sitting silently as she went back to what she'd been doing before. Not necessarily the real underlying reason she'd come to the loft, but it still needed to be swept, security checked. Tyson had really had a free hand the last time, the very idea that the loft would be bugged had never occurred to them. She conceded to herself, sometimes she made the same mistake more than once; but not this time, not with Rick's safety potentially on the line.

The office was clear, or at least clear of actively transmitting devices; moving into the bedroom and starting a sweep she could feel the return of a nervous energy she'd tamped down after the conversation ended with Rick. She'd promised him early to be more honest, a promise they'd both made before too, and failed to carry through. The way things had gone though, from a discussion of boudoir pictures to her indirect proclamation that she wanted him to offer her an engagement ring, well that had not exactly been planned.

Since she'd made the decision to stay, everything seemed to be both easier and harder. Easier to be honest now, to simply tell him what she thought and wanted, safe in the knowledge that he didn't know of their baggage, wouldn't throw back some previous mistake in her face; it was a weight of fear gone from her shoulders. So much harder though in the realization that if perhaps forced she may have chosen poorly, as she had before reversing course; harder in that she knew now that given a choice between Rick and no-Rick, he'd always win. Even if both had ever really been viable it wasn't now, he had to stay in New York, she had to stay close, to rebuild memories, and hopefully, eventually, a relationship. Harder because she had now chosen but had no Rick, just memories and photos of him; all that and hope for the future, even if that hope looked hopeless now.

The bedroom and bathroom were both clear of bugs, but they were not clear of her. She saw her toiletries and makeup all over the bathroom, clothing and shoes in the closet, sleeping clothes and underwear in the dresser. The loft had become her home away from home, or perhaps really just her home.

A sweep of the den and kitchen was going to take more time, put her once again in close proximity to Rick. Once she entered the main rom though she say he was engrossed in a book, Storm Fall, which had not been what he was reading yesterday. As she started to sweep the kitchen Martha wandered in with her usually seemingly directionless grace, and started to assemble the necessary accoutrements for a proper cup of tea.

"Kate? Would you like some tea? Or there is still coffee."

She was distracted no doubt, still trying to sweep carefully for bugs, but confused, "Martha, he's skipped ahead in the books, do you know why?"

Martha was puttering, assembling, brewing, distracted, "Hmm? Oh, probably trying to see if there's some clue in there as to why he divorced Gina."

Kate spent extra time around the cooktop, knowing they had spent so much time close together there, "But didn't you tell him he did?"

"Well yes dear, but not why and he remembered he did it after writing Storm Fall, so he's..."

That jolted Kate upright, it was new news, "He remembered?"

"Yes. We didn't tell you? Everything has been so hectic. He remembers the divorce now."

She felt a sense of excitement that she hadn't since he'd come back and deactivated the bomb, "The divorce wasn't that long before I met him was it?"

"Well they were separated for a year before it became final, New York wasn't no-fault back then."

"But I met him at the launch..."

"Well yes, but he got the advance well before he even started writing it."

"Oh."

Martha could obviously hear the sound of defeat in her tone, ceasing her own preparations to face Kate full on, "Katherine, it's the first memory that has come back, there will be more. Now is not the time to lose hope, it's the time to renew it. He is remembering."