A/N: Sorry about the crappy chapter before this, so. Hope this makes up for it. It's a looonnnggg one. Lots of flashbacks and into Duncan :DDDDD Progress yay! Oh! And thank you guys for 100+ reviews!!! I posted a fluffy story as a gift! `When Pigs Fly`, check it out.

WARNING: This chapter features disturbing themes. If you are not comfortable with this please turn away.

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You're a shade too gold for me and my hands are never clean

I wish I could take it all away, so you'll be just like me

Me, Three Falling Apart

--

Courtney shook in my grasp, her eyes were locked onto mine and pleading. Despite the voice in my head screaming at me to stop all I could do was watch the scene unfold before me. Slowly she closed her eyes and chewed on her lip, waiting for the punch. My raised fist was ready for the hit, but the voice wouldn't shut up.

Duncan, calm down. Before you do anything stupid just look at her face, imagine yours. Where have you seen this before? I know you have Duncan, and don't make me open up that can of fucking worms. Put it down, or you'll remember…everything. Come on…that's right just do it, just like you practiced in anger management.

Slowly I put down my fist and forced it down by my side. Next I pried my fingers off of her arm and her eyes opened. I counted to ten before I trusted myself to speak.

"Get out of here Courtney." I hissed and shoved her away, just for good measure

Sad and pathetic Courtney fell and scrambled up to her feet, still dressed in that stupid bathing suit and ran off into the forest.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit!" I yelled and slammed my fist into the nearest tree, "FUCK!" I yelled as I heard the crack and fell to the ground, cradling my hand and inspecting the damage. My knuckles were were scraped and red, probably going to bruise latrer. Biting my lip I attempted to move them but stopped after the first burst of pain.

Never again would I touch a woman like that. I couldn't even make a fist now. The skull on one of my rings had broken off and the others were scratched and dented. A long with the gold one I kept on my ring finger -- the only one that seemed to mean anything.

"Fuck…me…" I groaned and slowly twisted the ring off my finger, biting down on my lip to try and ignore the pain. The shape of the ring was ruined but I could still read the name engraved into it -- Thank god. I ran my index finger over the name and held it tight in my (good) fist.

Slowly the pain in my hand dulled to a throb and it was limp as I balanced my arm on my knee. It hurt, but I deserved the pain and it also kept my mind focused. Something I would need since she got rid of everything. That bitch, touching what wasn't hers to touch. Digging into business that was too much for her.

The thing that scared me most though was when I was going towards her, before I grabbed her, before I touched her I saw the look of real fear -- and it made me angrier, but it also gave me a sick sense of pleasure that excited me more than anything I had ever felt before. The voice in my head kept whispering things into my head, quietly so that they would barely rise to the surface. But they were there, I could feel them breaking the wall in my mind.

Duncan heard the screaming coming from upstairs, but he didn't move from his spot under the desk, just like his mother said. He couldn't. He wouldn't. Mom had told him not to move. And anyways, he was too scared, why was he so scared and pathetic? Tears were streaming down his face but no sound came from his lips. Not even when he watched the feet walk right past him. Looking for him.

"Duncan. Come out, come out, wherever you are…" His father cooed in a sing song voice that sent shivers up Duncan's spine.

"Leave him alone!" He heard his mother scream and stumble down the stairs. "You just leave that poor boy alone. He's your son for god's sake."

"He doesn't even look like me!" The beer bottle in his father's hand smashed into a hundred little pieces, Duncan closed his eyes tight and pretended he was in another world, wishing Maria was there. "That sure as hell ain't my son. You fucking whore."

"Well I wouldn't need to do it if you weren't high or gone half the time." His mother snapped back, and his father walked over to the small brunette woman. "I quit my fucking career to have a kid with you and this is how you repay me?" He heard something being thrown, and probably colliding with his father's gigantic head.

"Goddammit! You fucking bitch."

Duncan covered his ears and tried not to cry out.

"One…two…three…four…" I mumbled, running my finger four counts forwards, then four counts back. Keeping my mind busy. I had been doing it for a minute, and if I could wait a minute that means I can wait another minute. "One…two…three…four…" I mumbled and moved my finger through the sand four counts forward, and four counts back. I continued for another minute and I decided I could wait. Did I still want to cut? Yes. "One…two…three…four…please don't make me wait no more." I groaned and shuffled over to the baggy that used to contain my stash, but now it only held my mirror and razor blade. Good thing the razor blade was all I would need.

Next to me was the camera and I propped it up onto the log and focused it on my leg as I rolled up my shorts and unveiled the marks that I'm ashamed of. Next I grabbed my razor and pressed it into my flesh, it hurt and mixed with the constant throbbing from my hand.

"Geoff man. If I die before I leave this show I want you to find Maria Dautry, and I want you to tell her what a fucking bitch she is for leaving me." I said into the camera and held up the ring. "And I want you to give this to her -- and tell her how she killed me. She lives in France now. Find her."

After that I turned off the camera and stared down at the ring and her name engraved into it ever so elegantly. Just looking at it hurt more than my fist, more than any beating I had ever gone through. Because no matter how much I hated her for leaving, because she did. She left me when I needed her the most -- right after I was taken away, I called her number a thousand times but the operator said that it wasn't a valid phone number. How could she walk out like that? After I loved her so damn fucking much?

Would I allow myself to think back to it all, I had asked myself, but it was too late. I was already thinking about it.

The cherry blossoms were out, that was Maria's favourite time of year. They had agreed to meet in Heaven, so there Duncan stood, waiting in a n opening where the river ended. The place was covered in started off for the place, just like the olden days she had said. She wanted Duncan to wait for her, she wanted Duncan to think she was worth it. Cherry blossom petals and lush green grass. They never set a time so he woke up at the crack of dawn and headed over to there -- Heaven.

Duncan sat against a broad trunk and closed his eyes, the day was perfect, and she would be there any minute. He was sure of it.

"Duncan." Her voice echoed softly. She never needed to say anything twice, Duncan couldn't miss a word of her melodic voice.

He got to his feet instantly and turned to face her. She smiled at him, dressed in a plain white cotton dress and bare feet. Dirt was smudged along the edges of her dress and thin scratches covered her arms and legs. Just looking at her took Duncan's breath away, she never was so beautiful.

"Maria." He breathed and opened his arms. Immediately she came running into them, throwing her tiny arms around his neck and burying her face into his shoulder. "It's been too long."

"It's been 50 moons." she whispered and pulled away, a small smile on her lips. She placed her pale hand against his cheek, he was shocked at the deadly cold of it. "They're trying to take me away from you." She said seriously and slipped the gold ring off of her thumb and placed it into his hand. "You can't forget me." she whispered.

"I could never forget you." He murmured and put the ring over his ring finger. "You are my sanctuary." He brushed her red locks behind her ear and kissed a pale cold cheek.

"As for me too." She pressed her lips against his passionately, they only had moments together on meetings like these -- before one of them got taken away. They had to move quickly so as not to be seen running between pages of their lives.

There are no such thing as tears when it came to my family. There were only emotionless masks, thick walls to keep things together. Tears weren't able to touch my eyes since she left me. What was it? 3 years ago. She was with me my entire life until I hit 13, then suddenly she left me without another word. I don't remember that time, I don't remember much about any of it but I do remember a lot of yellow and white pills.

beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep.

What the hell? I thought and jumped to my feet. Something was ruining my monologue, what the hell was it? "Shut up!" I yelled in the direction of the beeping -- but of course the damn thing didn't stop. "Please?" I asked as I scrambled to my feet and crawled into the tent to dig through Princess' stuff.

beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep

After a minute of throwing clothes everywhere I finally found her PDA at the bottom of the bag and on the screen were the words, 'TIME TO LEAVE ISLAND'.

Was it the third day already? I had thought, I couldn't even remember the days if it had been. Everything had been a blur just the way that I had wanted it to be. Courtney's PDA said it and I decided since she was uptight I might as well drag her back and we would win the damn challenge from hell.

It wasn't fun getting dressed but I managed it and dragged my ass into the woods. I tried my best to stop the bleeding from the cut I made but there was no luck so I just let it trickle down my leg as I walked -- actually tickling me.

"Princess!" I yelled, "Princess. It's time to go back to the island. I'm sorry." I yelled out again and kicked through more trees and bushes and the outdoors. It was almost impossible to see anything more than three feet in front of me the forest was so damn thick. "Courtney! Come on. I'm fucking sorry! You shouldn't have stolen my stash though…just…come on!"

Yeah Duncan. That's the way to coax a woman into going to you. Be sweet you stupid prick.

"Courtney. Look, I've fucked up. I'm fucked up, and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. It's just…look. Can we talk about this in person?" Just use the whole 'You can save me' technique. All woman fell for it -- and Courtney was no exception.

From out of nowhere she rose and stared at me chattering. Her eyes were red and puffy and goose bumps were covering her body. Still in that pathetic excuse for a bathing suit. Without a word she stepped out in front of me and lifted her chin and we both headed back to the beach. Her wrist was purple and there were tiny crescent shaped welts from my nails. My stomach turned and I tried to turn off the voice in my head that I knew would start up again.

You're just like your father. I thought grimly and kept my head up higher.

It took a few minutes to get back to the beach and when we did Courtney immediately started scouring the beach for our boat -- just like I had been doing.

"Where's the boat?" I asked her, again she was giving me the silent treatment though and shrugged her shoulders.

We continued searching for five, ten, thirty, forty minutes and each minute we looked my anxiety heightened. The boat was nowhere to be seen. I searched all along the shitty beach and through the bushes. But there was absolutely nothing.

Finally I turned back to our campsite and saw Courtney sitting in her normal clothes staring at the bruise and giving me a giant fucking dose of guilt.

Just for doing that to her you deserved your shitty life.

Fuck you…

You know you do. You're just like him.

I shuffled over to Courtney and took a seat next to her and showed her my ugly looking fist. Silently she stood up and walked into the tent, "Fuck." I mumbled and ran my good hand through my hair. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck."

To my surprise Courtney came back out from the tent carrying the first aid kit. Without saying a word she plucked my crappy hand out of my lap and into hers. Then she pulled out bandages and a hot/cold pack. With expert skill she bandaged my hand and gave me the now cold pack I guess it would be called.

"I guess it's a perk of being a CIT." I said and laughed weakly, she didn't respond. "What are we going to do? The boat is gone, should we just wait for the helicopter to get us?" I asked.

"My phone can't get a connection so I suppose so." She replied and retreated into the tent. A moment later she poked her head out and glared at me. "And do not go through my stuff, Duncan. Or should I express my anger in the same way that you do."

Low blow! Low blow!

"You already have on my family jewels, babe." I replied and rolled onto my stomach. "Should've seen the bruises on those. But I don't see you apologizing."

"Neanderthal." Courtney hissed and ducked back into the tent.

"Just wait here for mommy. Okay Duncan? Mommy will be right back…" She kissed his forehead and crawled out from the tunnel. "I love you more than anything babe." she whispered and wiggled her fingers before walking away.

Duncan knew the drill. And he knew what his mom was doing. His dad left again, and they needed the money bad. He knew what his mom was doing. Despite only been 6. He knew a lot of things no one else did. Maybe that's why the kids were so mean to him whenever he went back to school.

He sighed and pulled out his small pocket knife that his mom gave him and started working on the skull he started last time. How many hours this time until mommy returned? 3?5?10? Never? It wouldn't surprise him, that's for sure.

Once he was stuck waiting in the tunnel for a full 24 hours before his mom came back. When little kids had come to the playground to play this blonde little boy kept wanting to go through the tunnel. But Duncan refused to budge. This brought on problems with the mother of the child. And she tried to use her authority over him. No matter what the lady said, Duncan would reply with 'Mom won't be able to find me if I move. Mom won't be able to find me." Eventually the little boy and his mom stormed off.

He wiped a tear that fell from his blue eyes and pulled the blanket up over him that his mom left him with. It was going to be a long night. He could feel it.

--

The sun was setting and there was still not a sound of a bloody helicopter or anything. No alerts, no flares. Nothing. We were stuck with no boat and limited supplies, what a fucking day!

"Wanna boil some water and have some instant Ramen?" Courtney asked as she stepped out of the tent, holding up two foam containers that had 'INSTANT RAMEN' written on the sides. She didn't wait for me to reply as she tore off each of the lids and put the seasoning and vegetables into each, not bothering to ask me if I wanted any in it or not.

"Princess. Have you noticed anything strange about this shit island?" I started and waited to gauge her reaction.

"What do you mean?" Courtney asked as she grabbed my lighter and waited for the dead grass to catch fire.

"I mean like have you even noticed a single camera around here? The ones at camp aren't exactly discreet, I mean we can see basically every single camera that's there. So why would Chris even bother trying to hide the ones here. Do you think maybe -- we're on the wrong one…like this is one that Chris hadn't intended us to go on?"

Courtney's face fell serious and she paused from her fire building to actually consider it. After a minute she shrugged her shoulders and continued. "I don't think so. Look, lets sleep on it. And if there's no help after tomorrow we should build a raft." Courtney decided and looked rather smug.

"Yeah, alright princess." I muttered and took the pot that she held in front of me to fill with water. When I came back Courtney was leaning back and the light of the fire made Courtney glow. I stopped dead in my tracks and stared. The glow of the fire silhouetted her perfectly and made her eyes sparkle as she glanced up at me slowly.

"Hurry up Duncan!" She barked, and suddenly she wasn't attractive anymore.

"Here." I muttered and handed her the pot of water. She stuck it over the fire and brought her knees up to her chest, staring at the pot.

The water took forever to boil, and finally when it did we had to wait three damn minutes for the noodles to cook. We ate in silence, slurping down the food like our lives depended on it. When Courtney finished she excused herself and zipped up the tent, obviously not wanting my company. My sleeping bag, and pillow were outside of the tent waiting for me. With nothing else to do I unrolled my sleeping bag and forced myself into a cold sleep.

Maria held out a small almost translucent palm, without a second thought Duncan took it and welcomed the gesture into her arms. Resting his face against her chest he listened to the hypnotic rhythm of her heart beat and forced the thoughts out of his head.

Her fingers were laced in his shaggy black hair, fingers massaging his scalp in an attempt to soothe his nerves.

"Shh…it's all over now. It's going to be okay." she whispered and kissed his sweaty forehead. "Don't cry, or you'll make me cry, silly."

Duncan looked up at her through her tears and took her face in his hands. "Stupid. You can't cry. Otherwise I'll feel worse." A small smile hinted at the corner of his lips as he moved in to kiss her; brushing his lips softly against her thin pink ones. "And then that'll make you feel worse…then me, then you. And it'll go on and on forever." He kissed her again and brushed his thumb across her cheek.

"Stupid." Maria whispered and blinked away tears.

--

Crying. Crying is what woke my from my sleep. It sounded almost identical to my hers and it's what brought me out of my sleep in the first place, she was here. She was back. Without thinking I jumped from my sleeping bag and unzipped the tent, thinking, praying, knowing I'd find my Maria. Instead I found Courtney.

Through teary eyes she looked up at me and mumbled something under her breath. Then she wiped her eyes and waited. "What do you want?" She asked.

"I thought you were someone else." I replied and took a seat next to her, so close that I could feel her body shaking. Without thinking I pulled my arm around her shoulders and tugged her closer to my body, just like mom had for me so many times before. "What are you crying about princess?" I asked quietly.

"Nothing." She said self consciously and avoided my gaze, but I noticed her eyes drifting back to the place that I do not want to mention ever a-fucking-gain.

"Just a sec." I mumbled and reached over, unzipped the flap that separated the two 'rooms' in the tent. I dug through my duffel bag and found my flask. Without a second thought I leaned back so I was next to Courtney and took a swig from the bottle. Then I offered it to her. "It'll help you forget." I said gently.

Almost mechanically she took the flask out of my hands and took a long swallow, coughing a second after it was all down her throat. She shoved the bottle back into my face and turned the other way to pout again.

I took another drink and thought carefully of what to say. It wouldn't be easy -- not with a spitfire like Courtney. Random words wouldn't make it better. She was a classy girl who needed a classy well thought out conversation.

"What do you think?" I asked her with a smirk.

"How could you drink that stuff?" she mumbled quietly and wrapped her arms around herself. "It's disgusting."

"I think you're a lightweight." I teased and jabbed her in the ribs. Courtney didn't appreciate it though and batted my hand away. "How about another sip. It gets easier when you do it more. Just trust me." I shook the bottle, and again to my surprise she grabbed it out of my hand, and forced more of the awful stuff back. She offered it back to me but I held up my hand. "No. I want you to finish it. It's my way of…apologizing to you." I decided quickly and that surprised her.

She turned to face me, waiting for my explanation. I shook my head though and moved a little bit farther away from her.

"Just drink your alcohol and you'll feel better." I instructed, and like a toddler she did as she was told and drank more, and more.

Twenty minutes later Courtney was drunk. Not pissed drunk or shit faced but just past the point of being tipsy, and she was overly affectionate, pawing at my shoulder and leaning her head against it. A smile was plastered on her face permanently it seemed, when just that morning she probably hated my guts.

"Are you drunk?" I asked as I nudged her in the ribs.

"Nahhh! I'm just haapppeeee." she sang and swayed, a second later colliding back into my chest. "Very very happpeeee. Dunnncann. I know now why you…why you love this stuff." She smiled and leaned forward, so our mouths were nearly touching. Her breath smelled terrible. "Let's go outside and you can tell me a story by the fire!" she said excitedly and stood up, swaying slightly as she scrambled out of the tent. I followed her out and grabbed a couple of blankets just in case she got cold.

When I sat down in front of the fire she immediately sat very close to me, so she could cling onto my arm. "Tellll mee why. Or I won't be happpee." she said seriously and watched my face with her drunken eyes.

"My dad liked to beat me up." I said simply -- completely sober. "And he also beat up my mom. I grew up watching that stuff…I guess it's fucking instincts…" My voice trailed off and I looked down at Courtney, who had the saddest damn expression on her fucking face.

"Why would he do that? What did he do?!" she exclaimed, forcing herself closer to me.

"I don't want to talk about it." I replied stiffly and winced at the devastated expression on her face. Alcohol and Courtney definitely weren't a good mix. It caused extreme emotions.

"Hey. You're happy remember?" I said softly and bumped her shoulder. Courtney nearly fell over.

She jumped up at that and nodded. "Happee!" She sang out and attempted to skip towards the water. "So happeeee I'm going swimmminnngggg!" She sang out as she stumbled stupidly over to the water.

"Oh no you don't!" I mumbled and chased her down the beach, catching her around the waist. Courtney struggled slightly against my grip and tripped over her own damn feet, yanking us both to the ground -- coincidentally I landed so she was pinned against me and our faces inches apart.

She giggled shrilly and smacked me on the chest. "Dun-can! Stoopid! I wanna swim! It makes me super happee!" She smacked my chest again and lolled her head back.

"You can't swim silly," I surprised myself with the amount of affection in my voice, "You're drunk."

"Noooo!!"

"Yessss."

"I'm tired." She suddenly announced and smacked me so I'd get off of her. Once she was in an upright position she attempted to get to her feet. After a little bit of help from me and my good hand she was on her feet and almost all of her weight was on me. "G'nigh Dunkin'." She giggled and messed around with my limp Mohawk.

"Night Princess." I replied and walked her to the opening of the tent. She didn't move and neither did I as we stared at one another awkwardly. "Good night." I repeated and turned away,

"Wait!" Courtney called and stumbled, I turned around to catch her right in the nick of time, and coincidentally (Again.) our lips met. Courtney didn't pull away, in fact she stood up straighter and forced her tongue into my mouth, sloppily (horribly) kissing me and getting her spit all over my face.

When she pulled away she had this giddy expression on her face and patted my cheek gently. "That was our first kiss." she said in her drunken stupor then disappeared into the tent.

I went back to my sleeping bag and lied awake.

Forgive me Maria for I have sinned.

--

A lot of wrongs and a lot of fucked up rights

Me, Three Falling Apart

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A/N: Anyways. That's chapter 10! Woot. I bet you weren't expecting that when you started the chapter. Anyways DxC fans, I hope you're satisfied. R&R please!!

By the way. Check out this awesome DxC fanart!

ht t p: // amarathcloud . deviantart . com / art / Oh-Em-Gee- 1431 162 54 Just take out the spaces