Title: Blue-eyed Angel, 10/?
Author: Goddess Evie
Date: April 15, 2013
Category: JJHR, Angst
Summary: Race and Benton muse about current affairs in the Quest Compound. Jessie has another session with Dr. Goodwyn.
Disclaimer: I do not own JQ. I make no money off this story. I am only using the characters for my own unique story. I also do not own "I Want to Save You", Something Corporate does. I merely use the lyrics to enhance my humble writing.
Author's Note: Not even a month since the last update? Goddess Evie is on a roll! I don't have much to say except I hope you enjoy it. Who knows when the next one will come? This one just seemed to flow along with the last one. The next one I fear might take more time because I think I'm finally ready to get into Jonny's head/POV. I think. I sure hope so. I've certainly put it off long enough.
I tried my best to respond to all signed reviews, but for all the reviews I've received for my last chapter, as well as the follows and favorites, thank you so much. You guys are the best. I hope you like this chapter too!
Chapter 10: I want to save you. I want to save you. I need you. Save me too. I want to save you.
Race took a sip of his coffee as he sat at the desk in the anteroom of his suite with a laptop in front of him. He'd spent another restless night on the rec room floor talking Jessie down from her nightmares every few hours. Those were definitely not lessening, not in intensity or frequency.
Jessie hadn't made an appearance the night before until Estella had retired to her room. Race knew then that Jessie had kept herself close but hidden. He wondered that Jessie was avoiding Estella. He'd been sure Jessie would've found some relief in having Estella here.
The first couple of times Jessie woke screaming, Estella had come running. Race had motioned her to stay back while he calmed Jessie. Both times, once Jessie had settled, Estella had tried to approach her daughter with no success. Jessie shied away, pulling her comforter around herself like a shield.
"I don't understand it," Estella had told Race out in the hallway, her voice barely a whisper. "She's never pushed me away before. Never. Why won't she let me near."
Race shook his head and repeated the words Dr. Goodwyn had said to him only a couple days earlier. "Don't take it personally, Stel. She's got a lot going on in that head of hers. Until she's ready to speak about it, we've just got to give her the space she needs."
"But she knows we want to help her, right?"
"I think she does. And we can keep letting her know that without intruding on her too much. So when she's ready, she'll come to us."
Estella nodded and headed back to her room.
The third time Jessie awoke screaming, after Race calmed her and sent Estella back to bed, he came back into the rec room to Jessie staring at the doorway and the hallway behind.
"I wish she hadn't come," she said.
"Jessica," Race scolded.
He was glad Estella hadn't been there to hear that.
"Your mother is here because she's worried about you. She just wants to help you be okay."
Jessie looked away. Her go to response anymore. She didn't look the least bit apologetic for her comment.
Race sighed and moved to sit on the edge of the coffee table.
"Why don't you want her here?" he asked neutrally.
Jessie shrugged without looking up. She leaned over and rested her head on the arm of the sofa. Race knew he wouldn't get an answer.
And the next time Jessie awoke from her nightmares, Race told Estella not to come down anymore. He made up reasons why she shouldn't bother, but she seemed to know there was something he wasn't telling her, though she didn't ask. As requested, she made no appearance the rest of the night.
Once it was apparent Jessie would not be trying to sleep anymore—first light as usual—Race had made his leave of her. He needed time to himself. He needed to do something everyday and normal. First a shower and fresh change of clothes. A cup of coffee. And then the daily morning security checks.
He still had the system set at its highest level despite some of the inconveniences that caused. If it brought some sense of security to his family, he'd keep it at that setting indefinitely.
The news crews at the gates caused a lot of pings to the system. The local teams were gone, but the national crews were sticking around. So long as the Quests stayed silent, those crews would disappear as well. Probably in the next day or two. Without any kind of story, the reporters would be reassigned to other stories.
They'd be back for the hearing, of course.
Seeing the news crews, he thought of Mrs. Ellis on the TV the night before. He, Benton and Estella had all agreed to keep that information from Jonny and Jessie. Even Hadji, if he absolutely didn't need to know, which he didn't. Hadji had enough to deal with just trying to help Jonny. And if anyone was going to do that other than Jessie, Race had his money on Hadji.
And Jonny and Jessie certainly didn't need to know about what Mrs. Ellis was saying.
Race did a quick review of the rest of the perimeter. Nothing more than small pings, but with the security system set up at high levels even some larger birds would cause those.
Race shut down the lap top and leaned back in his desk chair. He'd take a few more moments to finish his coffee and then go check on Jessie. Maybe find Jonny and Hadji and see how they were doing. Make sure Benton wasn't spiraling. He'd seen a few signs that said the good doctor could do just that at any moment, but for the most part he was keeping himself level.
His coffee gone too quickly, Race rose and left his room. He met Jonny along the way, mysteriously alone. He leaned against one wall and stared at the other. The tracker around his ankle blinked with a tiny green light, showing it was working.
Race knew that the best approach in a situation like this was to just treat the person normally.
"Morning, Jonny. You see Hadji or your dad around yet?"
No response.
Race wasn't sure whether it would be good to leave him alone, but he certainly didn't want to drag him along when his next destination was to find Jessie.
Well, if he tried to leave even just the mansion, Benton had ordered IRIS to let both he and Race know. His tracker gave him some freedom to move about the grounds, but nobody felt secure in letting him leave the main house.
"I'll see you around, Jonny. I'm off to see what's for breakfast."
Still no response, but Race hadn't expected one.
Race moved on along the halls to the kitchen.
Jessie and Estella sat at the breakfast counter. Both had bowls in front of them. Race stopped in the doorway to watch them. He remembered Jessie's comment from last night. I wish she hadn't come.
For now, at least, Jessie was trying to tolerate her mother. She wouldn't look at Estella, but she wouldn't let herself turn away either. Mostly she stared at her bowl and gave her mother short answers. But she answered.
Estella was struggling too. Her hands kept fidgeting and Race knew exactly how she felt. They'd never either of them had to hesitate to pull their daughter close to offer her comfort, and that instinct was strong. He knew what an effort it was taking her to give Jessie the space she needed.
Whatever they were talking about, it was in tones too low for Race to pick up. He crossed to the coffee pot and saw Estella notice him. The look she threw him was not hopeful.
He raised his coffee mug to her in greeting.
Jessie's eyes flicked at him over her shoulder but otherwise she gave him no more notice. He'd like to tell her he was proud of her for not shutting her mother out, but there was no way to do that now.
"If you need me," Race said to them both before he left, "just ask IRIS and she'll let you know where I am."
Benton leaned back in his desk chair in his study and rubbed his eyes. He'd just got off the phone with Mr. Fitzmichael. It had not been a good conversation. After seeing Zach's mother on the news last night, Benton had done exactly what Race had suggested and called Mr. Fitzmichael despite having just recently finished a conversation with him.
That second conversation had been brief. Benton wanted him to know about Mrs. Ellis' words and share his concern over what that could mean. Mr. Fitzmichael had assured Benton he'd look into it first thing in the morning and get back to him immediately. That was as long as the conversation had needed to be.
And Mr. Fitzmichael had kept his word.
Mrs. Ellis—no, Ms. Babcock, she hadn't gone by Ellis since the divorce—was putting pressure on the district attorney. Mr. Fitzmichael didn't think that would necessarily change the outcome of the hearing. But even if Jonny wasn't found guilty, Ms. Babcock could slap them with a civil suit. And Benton and Mr. Fitzmichael agreed it was something they should expect.
One more thing that Jonny didn't need.
One battle at a time, as Mr. Fitzmichael put it.
They would worry about the civil suit if and when it came, and not before.
In the meantime, the district attorney was pushing for a deposition. Mr. Fitzmichael had been trying to put it off but the judge had decided to let it go ahead. The date and time were already set. They would all meet in three days at the district attorney's office whether or not Jonny and Jessie were able to talk.
The DA's going to be disappointed if he thinks he'll get anything out of those two.
Jonny and Jessie were scheduled to see Dr. Goodwyn again before the depositions, but Benton didn't put much stock in one visit getting either to talk.
On top of that, he had local and national media pushing for a statement. Not only were news vans physically parked outside the compound's front gate so that they had to call the Rockport police to clear them out any time they wanted to leave—which wasn't very often, thankfully—but phone calls and emails abounded. After the first five phone calls, Benton had set IRIS to block them and auto-respond with a pre-recorded message that no statements would be given at this time. The emails he had IRIS shunt into one folder of his personal account. A folder he planned on having deleted without ever looking at once everything calmed down.
Whenever that would be.
Benton was drawn from his morose thoughts when Hadji entered the room looking more frantic than he'd ever seen his elder son.
"Hadji, what's wrong?"
"I cannot find Jonny."
"He was still in the room this morning when I left you two. He was…resting. And you were meditating."
Hadji paced around the room.
Hadji never paced. Period.
"He must have left while I was meditating. I thought I would know. I didn't mean to let him go off on his own. I-"
Benton stood to approach his son. He stopped Hadji's pacing with his hands on his son's arms. "He hasn't left the house. IRIS would have notified me. He's around here somewhere. Maybe he just needed some alone time. You haven't let him out of your sight since we paid his bail."
"But what if he runs into Jessie? She does not handle being in his presence very well. And it upsets Jonny further. Or what if he-"
"Hadji stop!"
For the first time in their short conversation, Hadji really looked at Benton.
"We'll find him. IRIS can locate him."
The look Hadji gave his father was utterly helpless and broke Benton's heart. Benton raised his head and called out, "IRIS, locate Jonny please."
"Jonny is currently in the library."
"Is he moving?"
"Negative."
Hadji sagged a little at IRIS' response. In relief, Benton thought.
Hadji then addressed IRIS, "Where is Jessie?"
"Jessie is currently in the kitchen."
Hadji looked much calmer then. He nodded his head. "I will go to Jonny."
Hadji disengaged himself from Benton and left the study immediately. Benton stood where Hadji had left him, staring at the doorway.
Perhaps Jonny and Jessie aren't the only ones who'll need to speak with Dr. Goodwyn.
Another visit to see Dr. Goodwyn. Jessie sat in the same seat in her office, worrying the stitches on the same pillow. If she admitted she hated being here, she'd be lying. But she still didn't feel quite comfortable with Dr. Goodwyn.
"I understand you are going to be deposed tomorrow."
Jessie nodded without looking up.
"How do you feel about that?"
She shrugged. "It's pointless."
"Agreed."
Jessie looked at Dr. Goodwyn. She hadn't expected that answer. "Why?"
"Do you feel ready to tell what happened?"
Jessie didn't have to think before she shook her head.
"And Jonny is not speaking to anybody. It's a pointless exercise that I am afraid will only make you and Jonny worse when I am trying to help you get better."
Jessie's gaze wandered back to her fingers picking at threads.
"So why are they doing it?"
"From what I understand, the judge is willing to give the attorneys a chance before it is decided that neither of you are ready for this investigation to move forward."
Silence. Not even a physical reaction from Jessie.
"I'm going to be there. Your parents, Dr. Quest and Mr. Fitzmichael all expressed they would feel better if I was."
"Do you think it'll change anything?"
"If you mean do I think it'll make you or Jonny more likely to talk, I don't think so. But I do hope to keep any further damage from happening to the two of you. As I said, my goal is to help you both heal, and I'd rather neither of you were forced to face anything that would push you further away from that goal."
Jessie took a shaky breath and released it.
"If there was one thing you could say about the incident, what would that be?"
Jessie tested Dr. Goodwyn's patience. She let the silence stretch on for many minutes. Longer than she would have thought Dr. Goodwyn would have allowed it to continue. At any moment she expected the older woman to give up and ask a different question.
Dr. Goodwyn apparently had patience in spades. She probably had a lot of practice.
"I've experienced a lot of scary things in my life. And I'm not talking about thrill seeking. Things I was pulled into against my will that were very frightening in deed." Jessie took another shaky breath and shut her eyes. "Of all the things I've experienced, this was one of the worst." A pause. "Not the scariest. But top five definitely."
Dr. Goodwyn said nothing in response. This time she let the silence reign to give Jessie a chance to compose herself.
When Jessie lifted her head and opened her eyes and seemed to breathe a little easier, Dr. Goodwyn asked her next question.
"Do you remember what I asked you to do at our first meeting?"
By her frown, she did remember.
"And did you do it?"
"I tried. I couldn't do it." Jessie bit her bottom lip.
"But you tried. How far did you get?"
"I let him see me. Just for a second."
"And then?"
"I ran away."
"Why?"
This question Jessie refused to answer no matter how long Dr. Goodwyn waited.
"Are you willing to keep trying?"
Jessie turned her head to look in Dr. Goodwyn's eyes. A tear slipped down her cheek and Jessie nodded her head.