Holography 2

By

Pat Foley

Chapter 10

T'Lean stood in the darkened room, watching the human breathe. Such shallow breaths. In. Out. So easy to …cease. A hand, a pillow. A brief struggle, very brief, for a weak Terran female, already so depleted. And the human would cease to breathe at all. No one would wonder how it came to be, think her ceased from her injuries. Nothing would come to Sarek, for a male in the fever, as he must be again to have done this, was excused of the crime of murder if it occurred in the time, and against a wife, or rival. And such a wife as this, who would even care?

So easy. She drew closer. And wondered anew what Sarek saw in this human. She was so…Terran. So obviously Terran. There were Terrans with dark hair, decently black eyes, olive shaded skin. But not this female. Her skin, her lips were flushed with the red of her blood, skin so fair T'Lean could see the blue veins tracing her bare limbs, Her hair was the color of Sol, a paltry yellow star. Her eyes blue again, like Earth's sky. She was disgusting. Slight, small, weak, fair…she seemed unfinished, unformed, insubstantial. A ghost woman – who would care if T'Lean moved her ghost presence from mere appearance to stark reality. Let her be a ghost in fact.

T'Lean had not heard the circumstances of why Sarek had chosen this female but she had assumed what most had. If Sarek had been caught in some way by the Time, and had chosen a Terran in desperation, why not one outwardly Vulcan in appearance, at least, instead of one that embodied all that was the Terra that he had allegedly found so discomforting. For he had never returned there after his first assignment, sent others in his stead. He brought only this female back. A dubious, constant reminder of what he must despise. Would he not welcome her assistance in ridding him of her?

She moved even closer, hovering. Leaning down over the human. She raised a hand, brought it near to her face. And then Amanda stirred, limbs shifting, and T'Lean drew back, heart pounding at the thought that the human was waking. She had the courage to snuff a fading life but not to look in those odd eyes and kill her outright. She turned swiftly and exited the room, to where a servant stood waiting.

"Tell the matriarch the human is awake."

And when the woman had left, T'Lean leaned back against the wall and thought, If only she had stayed quiet a little longer.

xxx

Amanda woke in an unfamiliar place. A flurry of movement, a presence sensed, made her try to sit up, focus her eyes, but if there had been one, it was gone by the time she was fully aware. Blinking, she looked around at the room, a Vulcan furnished bedroom designed with the spaciousness favored in a telepathic society, where personal space is a considered a necessity. She could see other rooms in the suite, and a long balcony complete with floor to ceiling windows with a view of the Llangon mountains. But no people.

Sitting up brought a sharp gasp from her, and the gasp made her ribs hurt so much she saw stars, and had to close her eyes. She heard the click of a door and opened them to see T'Pau, of all people, enter.

"Where am I?" She croaked. And then coughed. Her throat was sore, as if she'd been throttled.

T'Pau sat down on the edge of the bed, and offered her a glass of water. Amanda took it gratefully, and didn't look up till she downed half its contents.

"Thank you."

"Does thee not recognize thy own rooms?"

Amanda peered around the unfamiliar place, then realized T'Pau must mean Sarek's suite, her family's suite in the old palace. She had never been here before, which certainly T'Pau must know and for some reason was choosing to overlook. "How did I get here?"

"I had thee brought here. Thee were found very ill, daughter."

"Sarek…"

"Yes. Thy husband is also not well."

Amanda met her mother-in-law's eyes, hearing a tone in the last that made her steel herself for the worst. "What is wrong with him?"

A long silence, with the matriarch's eyes on her. "Thee are concerned?" T'Pau finally questioned.

Amanda sat up, ignoring the various stabs of pain. "How can you ask? Where is he? What is wrong with him?"

"Thy injuries are at thy husband's hand."

"If he is ill, he couldn't help it."

T'Pau simply sat there, studying her, as if reluctant to go on.

Amanda drew a sharp breath, ignoring the pain. "You can't think that Sarek would deliberately hurt anyone. Especially me. I'm his wife." She looked at T'Pau's unyielding face and said in disbelief. "You are his mother!"

"And I see that thee are his wife. I am relieved that my daughter honors her husband, even when his actions are less than honorable." And yet T'Pau still did not answer her.

"Tell me what is wrong with him, Mother. Please."

"Thee are aware of the Kal-I-fee?"

"Yes," Amanda admitted guardedly. It had been one of the things she'd been instructed about before she married Sarek. That divorce on Vulcan generally implied a violent combat to the death.

"I believe Sarek considers himself in challenge—over you."

"That's ridiculous."

"Thee have been in contention."

"Yes, as you know, over Spock's leaving for Starfleet. And we have argued. Had words. I won't deny they've been heated. And when Sarek told me he intended to deny Spock the right to ever come home," she missed the faint pained expression on her mother-in-law's face at this, "I told Sarek that if Spock was not welcome, neither would I stay. But he backed down, and I did stay."

"And he has been angry since. The marks you have borne, these are the result of his violent possessions?"

Amanda flushed at such a question from T'Pau. "Yes. He has been angry, such that I couldn't alleviate it. I haven't understood what is wrong. Well, that is not true, but I haven't known what to do. I thought… I kept hoping he would…get over it."

"You thought he would …get over… such emotions as these?" T'Pau sounded astonished.

Amanda colored again, lowering her head. T'Pau at times had the unwelcome capacity to make her feel like a child before her. A stupid child. "Humans do," she said, her voice small but resentful. She was so tired of these Vulcans making her feel like a fool. Tired of the never ending complexity of living as a sole human in a Vulcan world. Not that she was the only human on Vulcan, but she was the only one in this circle of Vulcans, the only one embroiled in T'Pau's inner circle. For the first time in twenty years she thought to herself, I want to go home. And home meant Earth. She was so surprised by the thought, she almost missed T'Pau's next words.

The matriarch shook her head in unVulcan astonishment at such an assumption. "Thee have not married a human, T'Amanda. His passions are not human. Why does thou think we have instituted such controls?"

"Sarek has always had a temper and he has lost it before. Never like this, but how would I know otherwise? And whose counsel could I take if I had questions?"

"Thee would take mine. As I have tried to counsel thee when my suspicions were first aroused."

Amanda looked at her, her resentment not small. "After twenty years of rejection, you cannot believe that would be an option I would find easy to consider or pursue."

T'Pau sighed. "I see there are yet repercussions to my actions. We have spoken before of this. I have tried to make it clear to thee."

"Yes, you have. But trust is not simply a matter of words for humans. It is also …emotional. I think that is true for Vulcans as well."

"For some trusts, yes. And for what must pass between us now, this needs be one of them."

Amanda searched the matriarch's unrevealing face. "I don't understand T'Pau. What are you saying about Sarek? What is wrong with him?"

"He perceives," T'Pau struggled with how to explain this to a human, "that you have challenged."

"But that's ridiculous. I haven't asked for a divorce, or chosen a champion. I have… yielded to him, Mother, every time."

"I do not say that you did challenge, but that he perceives such. Perhaps it could be said…that thy champion is thy son. Seeing Amanda's lack of comprehension she clarified. "Thee favored the child over the father."

Amanda stared at T'Pau. "But Sarek and I have fought before about Spock, and while he has gotten angry, he has never behaved like this."

"Your son declared his adulthood. Defied his father. And …you love your child."

"He's my son."

"Yet your …emotions… are not common to a Vulcan woman. Sarek is a Vulcan male in the prime of his life T'Amanda, and thee are his wife. He will not …tolerate…any rivals to his mate's attention. Not even a grown child of his house."

"T'Pau, I can't stop loving my son."

"T'Amanda, I believe thy husband is in plak vrie, the blood syndrome." The matriarch waited, but Amanda only looked puzzled, as if searching her memory.

"I have never heard of this."

"It is not quite the acute madness of the plak tow, but a chronic condition that can be as or even more dangerous. He perceives that thee has challenged him, and his passions have been aroused. Once aroused, such passions are not easily quieted."

"So he is ill." Amanda sighed. "I should have …I knew something was wrong."

"Not ill. He has no disease. It is a condition, a factor, of his biology. A syndrome. Thee could not know of this. It is very rare."

"But you are saying he can't help himself."

"Thee are the only one who can offer him help."

Amanda drew a deep breath. "What must I do?"

T'Pau considered her, not quite believing the human's response. "Thee will not like it."

"Just tell me."

"T'Amanda, a female who challenges, becomes property of the victor. She has no rights, no property, no status in society. She has no voice. She has no presence."

"How long?"

"Forever."

Amanda made a single, strangled sob, deep in her throat.

"T'Amanda. Thee has not challenged. Legally, thee has done nothing wrong. Even a Vulcan mother can protect her child."

Amanda turned. "But you are saying Sarek perceives that I have."

"His blood burns."

Amanda wiped her tears away. "Is there no cure?"

T'Pau hesitated. "He may come out of it in the natural course of time."

Amanda looked up. "Is that all you have to offer? My God, when? When he kills me? When I am terrorized enough that I leave, and that kills him? How bad does this have to get, before we do something? There must be some recourse."

T'Pau was quiet. "I will not make light of this, T'Amanda. My son desires you fiercely. His condition is serious, and dangerous. If it is not attended to, it will worsen, rather than dissipate."

She searched that emotionless face. "He will die?"

T'Pau nodded. "Undoubtedly not before he kills thee."

Amanda closed her eyes in pain. She shook her head. "No. I will not let him die because of me." She looked up. "Did I really do this to him?"

"It has been suggested by the healers that because you are not Vulcan, his passions have no check." T'Pau looked at her human daughter's crumpled face with compassion. "But I do not believe this. Nor should thee. Our line goes back to Surak. We were once the greatest warriors. We have the strongest passions. Our control has always been hard won. My son has always been…headstrong. From his first meetings with you, he desired you. I did my best to dissuade him and he would have none of me. Such a passion has been of deep concern to me since then… for it can be difficult to control, and can as easily spiral out of control. I would have wished he had never met you. It requires the strictest attendance." She flicked an eyebrow. "You have done well to manage it these many years. I know my son has tried to follow our disciplines. And you have honored them as well."

Amanda looked back on twenty years of marriage, and saw all the times she had failed them herself, or worse, tempted Sarek past them. How she had sometimes hated the lessons and controls Sarek had imposed on them. Thought them unnecessary. And he had been right after all, and she had been wrong. Love didn't save one from Vulcan biology. "Not completely, no. Oh, this is my fault!"

"He is Vulcan. We are warriors as well. Thee are only Human. Little more than a child. Thee were only a child when he took thee to wife. I do not agree with thy assessment."

"By Vulcan standards, my age is little more than a child, but that is not so for humans. I take responsibility for my actions. And my failings."

"Vulcan or human, child or woman, thee are female. It was for Sarek to control, and thee to yield. That is our way."

Amanda lowered her head. "I was not the most submissive of wives."

"T'Amanda, I have also been a wife. Does thee think submission easy even for Vulcan women?"

Amanda looked up, coloring, but also in disbelief that T'Pau should be the one Vulcan woman who would discuss this with her.

"Our practices have reasons, but they are no guarantee. I tell thee that Sarek has always been headstrong and passionate." She eyed the human woman before her. "I did not think thee would survive five years, much less twenty. In this circumstance, Spock's disobedience and your defense of him and challenge came too closely on the heels of Sarek's last pon far. The flames were not entirely extinguished before they were rekindled at this chronic level It was … an unfortunate combination of events that created a catalyst for his condition. Not thee."

"What can be done? There must be something. Some treatment? Some hope?"

"The next acute phase may dissipate this situation."

"But that's two years away. I can't…" she hesitated. "Mother, I do not think either of us can withstand Sarek's anger for that long. If it continues to escalate as it has begun, neither one of us will survive."

"I concur. Thee have only a few options, none estimable." T'Pau steeled herself to give the counsel she must to the girl. It was her duty as matriarch, even when the life was her son's. "Thee can choose a proper champion and challenge-"

Amanda stared at her, stunned. "What are you saying?"

"According to our customs, it is your best chance for life. Custom does not require you to stay with a husband in such a dangerous state. If the challenger you select defeats Sarek, you would be free of his violent passion. Even if Sarek defeats him, the combat will likely spur him into a pon far, which you have survived successfully before. He may kill you, but he may not."

"No. That's impossible. There must be a better solution."

T'Pau eyed her. "Thee can continue your present course, hoping time will heal him."

"That's not working."

"I agree." T'Pau considered her a moment, regretfully, but said the words that must be said.. "Thee are an outworlder. Thee have an option that would not be considered by Vulcans. Thee can leave."

Amanda stared at her, stunned. "You want me to leave? Leave him like this?"

"I did not speak of want."

Amanda frowned in confusion. "Do you want me to leave because you have someone else you want him to bond with?"

T'Pau shook her head, eyes on Amanda. "In his condition he would refuse any other. That is not an option."

"So you expect me to leave him … to just let him die? For he would die if I did that, wouldn't he?"

For a moment, the matriarch hesitated, then she nodded, no emotion on her face. Amanda knew it was not for lack of them, but only from strict control practiced. "In agony."

Amanda drew a breath in horror. "No. T'Pau, I can't. How could you think it of me? I may be only human, but I have absorbed something of Vulcan culture. I will not leave my husband to such a death."

"The alternative if thee refuses to challenge is to stay and face that he undoubtedly would cause yours. Your chances, T'Amanda, are very small."

"Smaller than his if I leave?"

T'Pau would not be drawn. "Small. And then he will die anyway. It is a forgone conclusion. Thee at least would live."

Amanda blinked, tears spilling from her eyes. "Is there no alternative of which you have not spoken?"

T'Pau hesitated. "There is yet a final, rare option. Less pleasant perhaps than the others, but…"

"Tell me!"

" Just this. A chattel cannot rouse the same anger as a bondmate in challenge. A chattel is a possession only."

"But you said-"

T'Pau was silent for a long moment. "This syndrome is rare, but it has occurred in our line before," she finally said, her gaze thoughtful, words slow. "A wife who made peace with an enemy clan to prevent a devastating war. Her bondmate was also recently post pon-far, and succumbed to the vrie. Rather than raise challenge and divorce, flee or allow her husband to succumb, T'Ianye choose chattel status, hoping that would ease Surak's flame. She was successful. And she was honored for that sacrifice. Surak recovered, returned her to bondmate status and acknowledged her role in pursuit of peace."

"The wife of Surak?"

"As I said, it was in our direct line."

"I had never heard of this."

"It is rare. This is not a condition of which we take pride."

Amanda drew a deep shuddering breath. "So you believe that my choosing this would also curb Sarek's aggressive spiral? Maybe cure him?"

"It should help to relieve the aggression. The chattel state is countenanced and practiced in our society for this reason, in cases where the alternative would invariably be death. It may cure. T'Amanda, this is millennia old legend. A Vulcan woman in your position chooses challenge, always. Logically, her chances are much greater."

"Even as either her husband or her champion dies?"

"This is true. Her chances are greater then those who fight for her. Her choice of challenge is thus a logical one."

"I'm glad I'm not...logical, then." She hesitated. "Are you sure about this legend? Is it really feasible?"

"There is no more immediate precedent for choosing chattel status. I do not tell you what to do, for there are no absolute answers. No preferable answers."

"But you think this is his best chance to live?"

T'Pau studied the girl, surprised anew at her determination. She seemed to think nothing of herself. Perhaps she did not yet understand. She was not lacking in intelligence, but intelligence came in all forms. "It is his best chance to live. It is not your best chance to live."

Amanda bridled. "I will not flee on a starship and leave my husband to certain death, nor will I hire some thug to attack him. I married him, T'Pau, for better or for worse. If this is worse, then so be it." She looked at T'Pau. "Now that I know, now that there is a reason for what is happening, something I can address, perhaps, alleviate, it is my duty to stay. Don't you see that?"

"I see it, T'Amanda. I did not think that you would."

Amanda flushed. "Because I am human."

"Because such risk combined with such status offers no logical benefits to any Vulcan woman. I would not expect anyone to freely choose it. I meant no insult to thee. It has simply not been chosen in millennia."

Amanda looked uncertain in turn. "I don't know anything about the history involved or of choosing such a status. So little of your ancient culture. Sarek tries to explain it to me sometimes but I confess I have never been a very attentive pupil. I did not …believe… the relevance, for us. Do you have the text of this legend?"

"I will see you are provided with it, and a historian to interpret for thee."

Amanda looked uneasy. "As to the latter, please…don't. I would rather not discuss my marriage or my options with… strangers."

"T'Amanda, our clan historian may be unknown to thee, but it is his function and role to attend in service to the clan rulers on such points as these. It is his duty to thee as such."

"I am not-"

"Thee are wife to Sarek. The role is attendant. He would perform it with honor…and honor thee in the execution of it."

"Even so." Amanda sighed. "If I must discuss it with him, I'd prefer that you also be present."

"I am honored. This is wise. Thee understand what might be relevant millennia ago will still need to be amended by thee for current society."

Amanda put her head in her hands. "How am I, as a Human, even with your aid, supposed to apply the circumstances of a 5000 year old Vulcan legend that I don't even understand, to a rare almost unknown illness not even Vulcans are all that familiar with and extrapolate out a current solution? I am not a Vulcan scholar or xenologist, or a Vulcan healer. I am not qualified for this. And it is my husband's life at stake. And my own."

"It will be difficult, but as it is your husband and your life thee are the most qualified."

"There are times, Mother, when I wish I had never heard of Vulcans."

"Understandable. But when such wishing is done, the problem still exists. While it is daunting, certainly you will be given such council as you desire. Then you need only consider the continuum of what can be done, T'Amanda, and choose among it for your solutions.

Amanda nodded slowly. T'Pau's matter-of-fact recital of what needed to be done was calming. "Very well."

"I will have the text brought to thee. When thee have reviewed it, we will conference. We believe Sarek has gone to the desert to meditate, but when he returns, we will send thy husband to thee." T'Pau paused. "Thy husband, T'Amanda. Remember, that even if thee chooses chattel status, thee are still wife. Thee has not challenged."

"A difference which makes no difference is no difference," Amanda said, numbly quoting a Harvard philosopher she had once studied as a student there.

T'Pau flicked an eyebrow. "Logical." She rose and left the room. Amanda waited until she had gone before saying softly to herself. "And there are times when I am sick to death of that, too."

To Be Continued...

copyright Pat Foley 2005