Disclaimer: I OWN NONE OF DISNEY'S ZOOTOPIA

Warning, this chapter is a real tear jerker, we also have some serious stuff go down. Also, to make things clearer, in this fic, Nick is only twenty eight. I felt that the age gap was too large (not that it's bad) but it would make things flow more easily. Judy is twenty three. I'm sorry it wasn't longer, but I felt it would be best where it is now. I do want to try to write longer chapters, that is my goal. Hope you like Chapter 10!

It was funny, to Nick at least. He was feeling sick to his stomach, yet he laughed. The love he had grown to accept, a love that had consumed him, had betrayed him. Yet, he laughed. His eyes were watering, his throat was beginning to feel sore he laughed so hard. His mind was broken, his soul was damaged, no doubt.

He was laughing at something he had remembered soon after buying his first fix of street drugs. To be blunt, Nick wanted to soften his searing pain and the antelope had offered him what he believed was an outlet, a light at the end of his very, very long tunnel. The memory that played over and over in Nick's mental film projector was that of when Judy had found Finnick's weed at his apartment and he swore he would never do anything harder.

Well there he was, about to pop a couple of pills and feel bad for himself. It sounded pathetic, he knew, but so was begging for Judy to return his love. His undying, obviously unrequited love for the bunny. Nick knew that something like this would happen eventually. It's not like he could provide what she would ultimately long for.

A family, kits. Reunions where they reminisce on their children growing up. He knew that she would leave for a bunny, leave him behind. Just like everyone else he'd ever dated, anyone else he'd ever felt that spark for. But to Nick, Judy wasn't a spark. She was a forest fire, raging on it's warpath in his beaten and bloodied heart. Barely beating, still.

He sighed and took the pills, starting to sob into his paws, merely thinking brought him to the darkest edge. Nick had depression before, he definitely knew what it felt like. But this was new pain. Burning.

As the pills began to work their magic, dulling the sharp blade of his own self hate and pity, his sadness. He felt the euphoria he had longer for, for ages he waited. But it wasn't real, he felt the industrial falsity of the drug, it's deceptive happiness.

"Why, Judy? Why couldn't I have been a bunny? Would you have loved me then?" He whimpered into the puddles of tears forming in his paws. His hiccups were muffled by his sobs, his breathing labored.

"These stupid fucking pills barely help! I-I need something else." He whispered. He looked around and remembered his stash of liquor. His real hard stuff, whiskey, vodka, hell, he had some classic moonshine in case of rough seas. Nick snatched up his most full bottle of bourbon and drank, feeling a slight tingle down his irate throat. He liked it.

"Ah, how my life keeps going full circle. Good, bad, shitty. Eh, that's what us damnable foxes deserve by birth, I guess." He spat, looking at himself in the mirror. He sat down, looking through photo albums, paintings, all things to bring him to a happier place, with family and enough love to go around.

While delving into his past by means of memory lane, he remembered a good day, a single needle in the world's largest haystack.

It was a chilly day in September, the leaves were changing. The breeze felt damn good against Nick's red fur as he walked home. His parents had made enough to buy a decent house in a decent neighborhood. It was outside of Happytown and that's all that mattered to them. His father was a tailor, he loved his craft. His mother, well, she liked to write. She wrote romances, she wrote dramas. Suspense? Got it. Horror? You kidding? Of course.

As he walked home he noticed a caracal, a relatively small feline, being cornered by a sizeable group of prey mammals. It violently reminded him of his own muzzling and so he ran up to the group. They were younger than he, at the time he was a Sophmore in high school and they couldn't have been older than fourteen at the oldest. Nick tapped the shoulder of a rather timid-looking aardvark. "Hey man. Get your pals here to leave this little guy alone. He didn't do anything to you, did you dude?" The caracal nodded slowly, not taking his wide eyes off of Nick. Nick just gave him a real, authentic smile. The caracal's eyes widened and he hastily looked away.

"See? He said it himself. Now scram. I really mean it."

"Oh yeah? What are you gonna do, fox? Smooth talk us out it? Sell us some snake oil?" The leader of the group laughed, he was a rather average looking zebra with some fake gold chains and a shirt far too large. The rest of the mammals in the group laughed and chuckled.

Nick growled, the angry sound coming from deep within his body. It startled the group and they started to back off. "Hey foxy, we're not lookin' fo' trouble, man. We was just playin'." The zebra stammered.

"Yeah? Well you were obviously gonna try to rough up this guy over here! Hey, buddy, what's your name?" Nick asked friendly.

"M-my name is T-Thomas, mister." The caracal sputtered in surprise and delight. The young cat was very pleased that his savior fox wanted to know his name. Why would such a strapping young fox care about such a scruffy feline?

"Well, Thomas, would you like to go hang out with me and some of my friends? I'll show you where, it'll be fun. I promise."

"Yes! Yes, um, sure mister. What's your name?" Thomas asked shyly, looking down at his shoes.

"My name, my good mammal, is Nick Wilde. At your service." Nick replied, ending with a ridiculous accent and an exaggerated bow.

"Well, Nick, I'd be honored."

The memory subsided and Nick began to feel the effects of pills amplify. His mind bent gently as all reality fell to the side. All he saw was Judy. Her eyes, like amethysts, pure and cut perfectly. Ears like adorable radio dishes, they rotated like they were on an axis. Her smile, Christ. He couldn't articulate properly. It made him feel an ocean of emotions. Arousal, sensual attraction. Humor. Happiness. She radiated these things. To him, at least. Her frame was small but very well built. Her curves weren't to be overlooked. He was a male after all. His mind lingered, but he knew she wasn't interested, she made that clear enough.

He wandered in thought, not fitting anywhere. His mind was like a puzzle piece and his memories were a jigsaw puzzle in desperate need of its final piece. Nick's memories were always muddy, unclear. Either that, or he was just a very repressed mammal. He knew the latter was true, he trained himself that way.

Ever since his father died, that is.

It broke Nick every time he thought of that damned night, the night that forever haunted him. Nick's father, Jonathan Wilde. A kind and open minded city fox, one that was deeply loved and admired by all who knew him. Even his regulars from his tailor shop were invited to family barbecues, acquaintances welcomed in for coffee or tea. Jon was a very social fox, always the chatty Cathy. But, he was admirable. He knew what dangers life posed to a young and naive fox such as Nicholas. But he refused to let his son degrade himself.

The night Nicholas came home in his new Junior Ranger Scouts uniform muddy and roughed up, Jon knew exactly what had happened. He comforted his son, unbeknownst to him, but Nick was long beyond mere comforting. If the world would only care to see him as a sly, shifty and untrustworthy fox then why be anything else?

Nick remembered that it was a distinctly nice night, warm but not hot. The sky was beautiful, stars shining to the Earth. The nice smell of grass and flowers impregnated the air, the gentle breeze flowing. Nick was outside laying in his favorite hammock enjoying a book he had 'borrowed' from his mother. It was a romance, one that he found particularly interesting. It was about a panther and a gazelle. Society had rejected them. Their families appalled. But they, they loved each other. Nick recalled how it made him feel, to read about success such as thus. So he read on. Until he heard the doorbell ring. He got up and quickly scampered his way to the door, a bright smile on his face, it was genuine. When he opened the door, there were two solemn and crestfallen police officers there, the rhinoceros upon seeing Nick, sniffled loudly.

"Officers, are you okay? Are you hurt? Come in!" Nick welcomed, worry on his face about the poor officers, something was wrong.

"Son, is your mother home?" The second officer, a brown bear, asked softly.

"She sure is officer, she's in the bath though, she'll be down soon!"

"Ok then, we'll come in."

"Great. Daddy always taught me to be kind to officers, he says that your work is too underappreciated or something. Want coffee? I think I know how to make some, sirs." Nick offered curtly the large smile never leaving his face. He loved his father.

He heard another sniffle. "Sure buddy. Anything is good, don't worry. Why don't you go up to bed after, ok?"

"Ok, sir. Daddy always taught me good. He said to do what the officers say, he says that some officers don't like foxes. You like us right?"

"Yes son, we like foxes. But your Daddy was right, you should be careful. Some mammals don't have such great parents as you did. They weren't taught respect, unfortunately. But we were."

Nick's mother was a red fox too, but she was bright, flamboyantly red. When she and Nick went shopping, other foxes would always try to hit on her, but she was a very humorous and sarcastic fox, much like her son. She would embarrass them and wave her ring in their faces, pride fueling every movement. Nick knew that his parents had the same love as he had read in her book.

"Hello officers! Is there something you'd like to ask us or something? Because my husband should be home any minute…" She stopped when she saw the officers cringe at the mention of Jonathan. Her greeting smile began to dissipate, a worried look overcoming her face.

"Ma'am, there was an ongoing robbery at your husband's store and he tried to reason with the robbers. They weren't interested in listening. I'm sorry." The bear said, his voice cracking.

"No! This is some sick, demented joke! It has to be! Please!" She cried as she sobbed into her bathrobe.

"Nicky go to bed. Now." She whimpered, crying softly.

Nick remembered the devastation. The sleepless nights, the crying. Bad moods, apologies. Drunken stupor. More apologies.

Nick's mother wasn't a bad mother, not by any means. She was just devastated.

Just like Nick. He chuckled, now understanding why his mother dissolved back then. He knew her pain. It was more than anyone should ever feel. He began to cry.

Then, in that moment, his phone began playing a ringtone that broke his heart.

He had once recorded Judy singing, though she was caught unawares. She was singing along to Marmot 5's Animals. It was so ironic, the lyrics and Nick's feeling. Her voice and his broken heart.

He grew tired, crying as he slowly fell asleep, accepting the creeping dark.

It always won.