A/N: Well, I realize it's been quite a while…but I ran out of material. I'm regretting that whole promise about the legendaries I made last chapter. I'll do one for this chapter, but from now on, I'll wait until I have material. Sorry about the wait.

Derpédex Chapter 10: Darkrai

Okay. Oooookay. Right, Darkrai. Actually, no; that's not its name. No, it's named Freddy. As in, Freddy Krueger. You know, because it invades dreams? Yeah, I know-that was a bit of a stretch. Well, folks, it's all downhill from here. Might as well press that big red X at the top of the screen. Go ahead. No one would blame you. In fact, you'd be making a smart choice. I don't even know why you're still reading this-seriously, press that button.

Last paragraph got a bit too dramatic, but whatever, I'm pulling jokes out of my ass, so I'm taking what I can get. As previously stated, Darkrai might as well be Freddy Krueger, because it's got the whole, "I'm-going-to-invade-your-dreams-like-a-supernatural-pedophile" act down. Don't believe me? Well, there's some kid in some city in Sinnoh who's been in a dream caused by said pedophile for years. Yes, my Pokémon are probably strong enough to go kick Darkrai's ass up and down that island and probably save that stupid kid's life, but I don't plan on doing that anytime soon. The reason for that is simple; if you help children now, they rely on your help forever. Tell them to fight off that nightmarish Hellspawn on their own, 'cuz the game's on and Remains can't be bothered right now.

Did you know that Darkrai is attracted to nightmares? That's pretty fucking weird. Like, why? Does it get off on children wetting themselves like a fucking fire hose, or something? Everyone, look out-we've got a legendary with a watersports fetish here. Better wear a plastic bag to bed, 'cuz there's no way your pants are staying dry if this bitch finds you. Believe me, I know.

The dreams you have when visited by Darkrai are not only terrifying, but beyond weird. When he visited me, I dreamed that I was actually inside Raccoon City. Normally this would be pretty Goddamn cool, but when you're trapped in a dream, unarmed, naked (for some reason), and surrounded by undead, you start to freak out. Next thing you know, you're trying to fight off the ravenous undead with your "stream of justice", if you catch my drift.

You know, darkrai once almost destroyed a town over a fucking garden. No, I'm not making that up-it seriously almost destroyed an entire town. Over a garden. You know, those things you grow wee-er, plants in? Yeah, one of those. See, it's reasons like this that the other legendaries make fun of darkrai. Yes, they do too make fun of them-I got called into the Hall of Origin once because of my crimes against humanity (which included being born), and they all made fun of darkrai for the entire time. I guess I should be thankful-if not for them making fun of Darkrai mercilessly, I would probably not be here. See, children? Sometimes, bullying is good!*

*Note: bullying is extremely bad, as the person you bully may or may not become a badass later on and kick your ass after College. Still want to push that nerd down the stairs, Alabastor Dickwad?

Know what I just realized? How much darkrai looks like Santa. Maybe it's just the Pink Floyd taking over my mind again, but I automatically think Santa whenever I see it. Maybe it's because they both enjoy having small children sit on their laps without parental supervision?

Apparently, Cresselia and Darkrai have a romantic thing going on. This means several things;

1. Cresselia is a little child

2. Darkrai is still just as creepy as I pointed out

3. I still have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about.

Now, since the two of them have a "thing", it's inappropriate to ask Cresselia if she wants to play "hide the pickle", even if you're only asking as a joke. Oh, and just because the other legendaries laugh, doesn't mean you won't see Darkrai in your dreams. Believe me, you will, and they will be terrible, terrible dreams. Like, blue waffle terrible. If you don't know what blue waffle is, I don't recommend looking it up. Seriously, just forget I even mentioned it.

Darkrai has no genitals. Just thought I'd point that out. Seriously, it's missing all the downstairs equipment, and the upstairs is quite literally flatter than day-old soda. Those euphamisms could've gone better, but whatever, I'm currently on Pink Floyd.

Sometimes, Darkrai enjoys hiding in shadows and watching you while you sleep. Now, given the previous information, this really shouldn't come as a surprise. After all, it's only one step from "Inception" to "Freddy Krueger" to "pedophile" to "sexual predator". Yes, Darkrai is a self-professed sexual predator-I would know, because I asked it. Yes, it's an it. As previously stated, it has no genitals, so it has no gender. Thus, it's an it. My logic is flawed, you say? Um, no-the logic in previous chapters was flawed. This logic is FUBAR. That is all. No, really-that's it. I'm out of material.

A/N: Short chapter, but I had some problems with the whole "legendary" concept. Hopefully next time it turns out better. And, since the whole "no genitals" thing is really getting old, I'm picking something with a gender next time. What is it, you ask? Well, that's for me to decide! Yeah, I don't know what to do yet. I'll figure it out, though. Yeah, you know I will.

FUBAR=Fucked Up Beyond All Repair, in case you were wondering. I doubt you were, because that's useless information that only I know. Even if you did know it, you'd do well not to say you did-having even one thing in common with me is too much.