Disclaimer: The song "Look Around" was not written by me. It belongs to John Popper from Blues Traveler. I know it's not exactly the type of song that Bad Luck would perform, but when I really listened to the lyrics, I couldn't help thinking that this is what Shuichi should say to Yuki. The Lyrics to this song was the reason I wrote this story. I hope you have and will continue to enjoy it! BTW Thank you for all you lovely comments!

September 25 – Eiri Yuki's apartment

Yuki was sitting on the sofa aimlessly flipping through the television channels. It was three a.m. and he still couldn't sleep. His biological clock still hadn't adjusted to Japanese time. Right when he had decided to go to bed, a familiar face stopped him in his tracks. Inadvertently, he had changed the channel to a twenty four hour music video station, and Bad Luck's latest music video had just begun. The melody was uncharacteristically melancholy, and for the first time since he'd known him, Shuichi wasn't his normal exuberant self. This couldn't possibly be the same annoying brat I left six months ago. Then he began to sing. His voice, which was usually bright and lively, was now eloquently bitter-sweet…

You'll get no answer from me
About what want or what I get
Brave enough to speak afraid to see
Confuse the issue till you forget

And I've tried
To finally decide
Why
I'm in your face

And if you can't already tell
I am unable to let things go
I'm told I do it very well
But more important you should know

That all the same
You've got no one to blame
But yourself
If you call that a waste

Cause it ain't me
That's been hurting you inside
And if you've learned
You'll know much more than I

That your gonna have to go and find it
You'll have to dig beneath the ground
You'll have to unearth every ugly stone
That kept you on your own
And simply put them down
You're gonna have to look around

You'll get no answer from me
About what I get or what I want
That was enough to make you leave
You're not the first one come and gone

And I don't care
Buyer beware
Of me
Cause it might get rough

If you want peace than live alone
If you wanna hide then find a stage
Each a brief but perfect home
To accommodate your rage

And sometimes
In the midst of all my crimes
I feel lost
Or have I lost enough

Remaining friends
Remind me as they say
It's up to you
The things you throw away

And still your gonna have to go and find it
You'll have to dig beneath the ground
You'll have to unearth every ugly stone
That kept you on your own
And simply put them down
You're gonna have to look around
You're gonna have to look around

You're gonna have to look around

Yuki couldn't believe it. This song was drastically different than anything Shuichi had ever written. Normally, his lyrics were frivolous and trite, but these lyrics… Could Shuichi have actually written these words? It was as if he had crawled inside Yuki's soul and laid him bare for all to see. He was much more perceptive than I ever imagined. The struggle between Yuki's heart and the little voice in his head instantaneously become an all out war. His heart urged him to find Shuichi, beg for forgiveness, and confess his love, but the annoying little voice in his head insisted on reminding him of what happened the last time he loved someone. Frustrated and exhausted, Yuki fell into a restless slumber.

"Do you love me?" Shuichi asked as he tried in vain to hide the pain in his stunning violet eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Yuki answered irritably.

"I'm supposed to be your lover, but you rarely are affectionate with me. When I try to talk with you, you brush me off as if I'm some kind of aggravation." He could see tears beginning to form in Shuichi's eyes. "Do you care about me at all?"

"Why would I want to…" he was about to say, 'care about an annoying brat like you,' but at the last moment he changed his mind. "Why are you asking me such a stupid question?"

"I need to know how you feel about me." Shuichi pushed on the tears now streaming readily down his cheeks. "I don't want to give my love to a person who either can't or won't return it back to me."

Yuki knew that he loved Shuichi, but he couldn't bring himself to speak the words out loud. His heart was imploring him to answer, but he just couldn't let go of the illogical dread that accompanied those words.

Shuichi took his silence as a rejection. "I understand." He walked with quiet dignity out of the room.

Yuki sat immobile on the sofa. His aloof demeanor belied the fierce battle raging between his heart and head.

Shuichi sadly emerged from the bedroom carrying a suitcase and his back pack. "Good bye Yuki." He said barely controlling the bitter sobs escaping through his trembling lips.

He didn't want him to leave, not like this.

Shuichi took one last longing look into Yuki's eyes, and slowly turned to leave…

Yuki was jolted awake with the sound of the phone ringing in his ears. "Hello." He mumbled groggily.

"Eiri you're finally home!"

"Oh Tohma, what do you want?"

"You disappear for six months without a trace, never call to let the people who care about you know that you're alright, return suddenly without a word, and you still calmly ask me what do you want?" He shouted indignantly.

"Sorry, my head was a mess. I've been seeing a psychiatrist in Germany."

"You didn't have to go all the way to Germany to see a psychiatrist!" He cut Yuki off in exasperation. "Why couldn't you find a psychiatrist here?"

"I needed to get away for a while. I'm sorry I made you worry."

"What you really meant to say is you needed to get away from Shuichi." His hopeful voice bothered Yuki. "Does this mean that you've finally given him up for good?"

"Listen Tohma," he began purposely ignoring the question, "can I come over to your office today. I have something I need to do…"

"Can I talk to you privately, Shuichi?" Kaemon asked in such a serious tone it made me feel a little uneasy.

"Sure," I glanced over at K. "Could we borrow your office for a few minutes?"

"Alright, but remember you're only taking a fifteen minute break. You still have a lot of work to do today!"

"Yes, I know…thanks." I looked nervously at Kaemon. "Let's go." He had been acting kind of strange all morning. I really wanted to know what was wrong, but I was worried about what it might be. Have I finally become too annoying for him? Is he going to leave me too? As we entered K's office, I noticed that Kaemon looked much more agitated than before. He really is going to dump me!

"Shuichi I'm not very good at this sort of thing…"

K suddenly burst into the room. "Shuichi, Tohma wants to see you in his office right away."

"Now? Well I guess it can't be helped." Why do I feel so relieved? This is just delaying the inevitable. "Sorry Kaemon, we'll have to finish this another time." We both started to leave the office.

"I'm sorry Kaemon. You'll have to wait here with me." K announced. "Tohma wants to see Shuichi privately."

I walked down the hallway in fretful anticipation. The last time I was summoned to Tohma's office privately, I was ordered to leave Yuki alone. What could he possibly want with me now? I stood for a few moments at the door gathering my courage for whatever waited for me inside, took a deep breath, and then walked in.

"Good afternoon Seguchi-sama…" My body froze, my mind went blank, I suddenly forgot how to breathe, but for the first time in six months my heart started beating again. "Yuki? Wh…what are you doing here?"

"Hello Shuichi…" he began hesitantly.

"Why…why did you leave me in such a place? Do you have any idea what happened to me? I know I was a nuisance to you, but did you have to dump me so carelessly in an awful place like that?"

"I think I'd better leave." Tohma announced in embarrassment as he quietly slipped out the door.

"What are you talking about" Yuki asked incredulously.

"You left me in the middle of the worst part of the city. Did you know that I was beaten and brutally raped?"

"Of course I knew! Who the hell do you think saved you from those monsters and drove your sorry ass to the hospital?"

"It was you?" I asked in disbelief. "I didn't know it was you. No one ever told me… Thank you…for saving my life!" I was happy to know that Yuki had come back to rescue me, but I was confused. "If you cared enough to risk your life for me, why did you leave me?"

For a brief second I caught a glimpse of regret on his face before it was replaced by his usual irritable expression. "I had some business that needed my immediate attention."

"So you left just like that…without telling anyone…without leaving a note, or at least phoning to let your loved ones know you were alright!"

"It was personal business and it was something I had to take care of on my own. I didn't need you or anyone else getting in my way while I was working on it!"

So that's the way it is. He left me because I'm nothing more than a nuisance to him. "If that's the way it is, then why did you come back?"

Yuki abruptly turned and walked to the window. "I wanted to…Tokyo is my home. It's natural for me to come back here."

"Why did you ask Seguchi to call me to his office? What do you want from me?"

Yuki hesitated for several long minutes as he stared agitatedly out the window. "Look, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what Tohma wants with you. I was just here for a visit." He quickly stalked out of the room with a peculiar look on his face.

I stood in the middle of Tohma's office in dumbfounded silence. Why is this happening to me?

"Do you have any idea what Yuki has gone through these past six months?" Tohma quietly asked as he sat behind his desk.

I jumped reflexively in surprise. I had been so deep in thought I hadn't heard him come in. "I don't know." I answered sadly. "He wouldn't tell me anything."

"He's been seeing a psychiatrist." He paused as if he were trying to decide whether or not he should continue. "His relationship with you was beginning to destroy him."

"I don't understand." I silently willed myself to stay calm. I didn't want to look weak in front of Tohma. "Why was I summoned to your office? You never have anything to say to me, so it must have been at Yuki's request."

"He was testing the effectiveness of his therapy. It seems as though it was successful." He answered with that galling fake smile that never ceases to infuriate me. "You're free to leave now. I have a great deal of work to do and I'm sure you have things to do as well."

My face was burning with pain and rage, but I still managed to keep my voice calm. "I'm sorry to have taken up so much of your time. Good bye Seguchi-sama." I bowed politely and left as quickly as I could. Bitter tears streaked down my cheeks as I stormed back to the studio. I gasped in shock as I was forcefully pulled into an empty room.

"What the…" It was Yuki! He had been waiting for me to come by, and now he was kissing me! The touch of his lips and the scent of his cologne was enough to instantly awaken my desire. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hungrily returned his kiss.

Reluctantly, he pulled away from me. "Meet me at my apartment tonight at six o'clock." Then he left before I could muster a response. I collapsed against the wall and slid down to the floor. With trembling fingers I touched my lips. They were still tingling from Yuki's kiss. In a matter of minutes, my whole world had been turned upside down!