"All right let's get this started." Weiss said holding the book.
"I don't want to sound racist-"
A Weiss response." Yang added.
"Hey!" Weiss cried.
"To be far you do say "I'm just saying" a right after you insulted someone.
"And how many times."
"243." Ruby answered almost instantly. The team looked at her in shock. "What?"
"She says, and then says something extremely racist." Naruto mentioned when he saw Emerald about to say something to his mother. They were sitting down for dinner, they were having something that was a normal disk on Menagerie. Being an island nation that was hard to grow things on, with fruits and vegetables usually being rather expensive when compared to things like coconuts that they could grow with ease. "Is it about the fish?" Naruto asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Well you know what they said like mother like daughter." Weiss commented.
Kali giggled a little at the comment she guessed Emerald was going to make.
"Well... Cats like fish... and we are eating fish." Emerald pointed out as she looked at the almost completely fish meal.
"i would call her a racist if the fact weren't true." Yang said. Earning a side-way glance from her partner. "You drool every time we pass by the dock." Blake quickly looked back with a small pink hue on her cheeks.
They were originally going to have ramen, before Kali realized that they did not have everything needed to make ramen.
"Fox in my case." Naruto mentioned with a lazy grin. He enjoyed fish a lot, just like the rest of his family, and he could cook fish rather well. He just enjoyed ramen more than he did fish. That was all there was to it.
"Well, foxes love fish too. Anyway, here in Menagerie we don't have a lot of land we can use for raising livestock. We have to make due with what little fruits and vegetables we can grow, and whatever we can pull from the sea." Kali explained without being offended by the rather racist comment. It was an understandable thought to think that they were eating fish solely because as a cat she loved fish. "My daughter would throw a fit if she heard you saying that, she's pretty sensitive about race issues." Kali mentioned with a nod of her head.
"Understatement." Yang added underneath a cough. "Sorry had to cough."
"I'm sure." Blake said sarcastically.
Blake was a little oversensitive when it came to jokes and comments about their race, even though she had more cat-like traits than anyone else that Kali could name.
"Life can be a little hard on Menagerie, but I like it. I wouldn't trade my home for anything." Naruto finished eating first, and he began to stand up. "I'm going to heat up the bath. Do we have any bubble pods?" Naruto asked his mother, who nodded her head. She knew that Naruto enjoyed adding bubbles to the bath, not because he played with the bubbles or anything, but it generally just made the bath smell more relaxing.
"Don't waste water, I'll join you. It's bee quite a long time since we've bathed together." Kali offered Naruto, who considered it.
"What?
"What?!
"She still does that?!" Blake cried out earning a shock look from her team. "Don't look at me like that!"
"Pffffffft!?"
Emerald nearly spat out what she was drinking when she heard the rather casual way that Kali was offering to take a bath with her son. The strangeness of the culture she was witnessing shocked her.
"What?" Naruto asked Emerald, who pounded her fist into her chest, clearing her airway.
"Wow does anything bother this guy?" Yang questioned.
She heard that right, right?
"No, no we've heard the same thing." Weiss said.
"What's the big deal Yang and I did that too." Ruby added innocently. Earning a small blush from the brawler.
"When we were kids Ruby!" She cried indignantly.
"Oh, right! Emerald, if aren't from here." Kali realized how their normal actions would seem weird to others. "In Menagerie, most people go to the public baths to bathe. A few people have their own baths in their house, but to save water family members usually bathe together. If you would like to experience it, I can wait and wash your back for you." Kali explained a part of their island culture. Since they were surrounded by all sides by sea water, which didn't really help them when they needed a drink, fresh water was something that nobody liked to waste.
"Huh, seem like a small price to keep yourself clean." Ruby said, her sister nodded with her.
Usually, baths would be emptied and the water would be reused to help grow crops, chemicals used in their bubble baths usually made from chemicals that were good for plant growth as well.
They didn't have the natural resources of the Kingdoms, so they had to make due with whatever they did have.
"Skinship is normal here... got it." Emerald gave a shaky thumbs up, still pretty freaked out by the strange and unusual custom.
"truth be told other culture other than Menagerie, normalize skin-ship as a form of bond between family." Blake added.
"Should we expect that between you and sun?" Yang questioned with an eyebrow raised.
Blake with a bright blush looked away and waited for Weiss to continue.
"It's take awhile for the bath to heat up. While it does, I'm going to take a walk around. Don't go telling any stories Mom." Naruto walked out of the dining room.
"She's still gonna tell." Blake said shaking her head.
"So got any embarrassing stories about Naruto?" Emerald asked the second that Naruto was no longer in the room with them.
Kali laughed at the way she instantly asked that.
"I like you... and because I like you, I'm going to give you a warning." Kali mentioned with a straight smile on her face. If she was a faunas with a tail, it would have been wagging, but Emerald saw that smile and for some reason she did not feel like it reached Kali's eyes. It was like her face was smiling, but her eyes were anything but kind. Kali leaned forward and gave Emerald a very toothy grin.
"Oh I remember that look. That the same look Yang gave to any guy friends I made back at signal." Ruby said she still remembers the look her friend made after Yang had a "nice" conversation with them.
A toothy grin, with sharp canines that she often saw when Naruto was smiling, but instead of the warm and fuzzy feelings Naruto's smiles inspired in others... this one was not warm nor was it fuzzy.
"... I'm sorry?" Emerald asked, unsure if she had heard that right. A warning to what?
"Do you know what a cat does to somebody to hurts her kittens?" Kali asked, hinted, and Emerald got the message very clearly. She leaned backwards, nodding her head with a hint of fear in her eyes, only a hint though. Kali saw it, and her eyes narrowed for a brief moment, before she smiled. "Of course, you aren't my son's type, so I'm not worried to much. Hurt him though, and I'm going to rip you piece by piece with my teeth." Kali casually ended her threat with perhaps the more disturbing of wordings possible.
"Okay, Blake I'm officially scared of your mom." Yang said.
"I'm just glad she's not Naruto type." Blake replied.
"Then what is his type?" Ruby asked.
Emerald took pause at that first part near the end.
What?
"Then what is his type?" Emerald asked without thinking.
Kali gave a confident smirk.
"Total mommas boy. Black hair, light skin, with an hourglass figure. When he was a kid, he always talked about how he wanted to marry me when he grew up. All of his porn-" Kali managed to get out, before Naruto came back into the room in a hurry. His cheeks were red when he heard what she was talking about, having came back towards the room to tell them that the bath was ready if they wanted to get in first.
"And like that from totally serious mom to her standard embarrassing form like usual."
"Truth be told I was wondering if he ever had any porn on him. Didn't know he was in to MILF's." Yang said.
"It does explain on why he considered you're mother gorgeous." Weiss said. Yang's face pale at the realization.
"Oh god your brother's going to be step father!" Yang cried out dramatically.
"Wouldn't that maker her our aunt?" Ruby asked earning a lou groan from both her sister and teammate while Weiss tries to hold in her laughter.
"No I don't!" Naruto denied quickly.
"Oh honey, it's fine. It's natural for boys to find girls attractive that remind them of their mothers. Every boy's first crush is on their mom. You also have rather amazing taste in pornography, even better than Blake's porn." Kali mentioned with a very laid back wave of her hand. She was teasing Naruto, though her statements were true.
"It's not porn! It's a very mature form of adult literature." Blake explained.
"Then why can't I read it?" Ruby questioned.
"Like I said Ruby only when you're older." Yang argued.
'This family is disturbingly close.' Emerald thought.
A mother reading her children's porn for amusement, kind of very weird. Not just very weird, and not just kind of weird. It was a special kind of very weird.
"Blake has porn?" Naruto asked with complete surprise at that part. Blake was only a 15 year old girl and... well that was about the same time when he really started to read porn magazines. He shouldn't be too surprised that his sister started to show interest in their families rather... perverse side. Considering who their mother was, it was only a matter of time before Blake fell to the dark side.
Kali laughed into her sleeve.
Oh, was he in for a surprise.
"They often say that a girl's first crush is either her father or her brother... looks like your sister has a thing for guys and girls with blond hair, blue eyes, strong muscles, and good looking faces." Kali very casually revealed the type that her daughter preferred over other types.
"So she's into incest?" Ruby asked.
"With a brother like that I wouldn't surprised." Yang said.
Blake only replied with a loud groan in despair.
"I take it the bath is done?" Kali asked as she stood up from her seated position. She smiled towards Naruto, and saw him nodding his head.
"... Yeah."
Emerald wanted to laugh when she saw Naruto's own mother turn him into a blushing, embarrassed child in front of her. She was a little jealous of how close they were. She saw Naruto's mother embarrassing him, and wished that she had a mother that close with her.
"Emerald, remember what I told you... I really do like you, you look absolutely delicious." Kali hinted at Emerald, a reminder of her earlier threat. She gave the same toothy smile as before, and Emerald's spine chilling in reaction got the girl sitting up much straighter than before. "Aren't you coming? No need to be shy, we're both girls here." Kali mentioned, and while she would have liked the bonding time with her son, it might not be the best thing to do considering that she just embarrassed him.
Emerald waved off the offer.
She didn't want to be caught naked with Kali, even more so when the woman had four very sharp weapons inside of her mouth.
"Well if you don't count her claws that make fourteen instead." Ruby added.
"I'm... good." Emerald denied with a look away from the protective mother.
Kali shrugged.
"Well then, seems like me and my handsome man here are going to be having some skinship." Kali wrapped an arm around Naruto's shoulder. She pulled him out of the room, and was about to close the door, before Naruto held it open.
"Emerald, hands in pockets."
"He's too casually with a criminal like her." Weiss commented.
"Eh, that's really a sibling power." Yang said, slapping a cookie off from Ruby's hand with looking.
"Yeah, I was not about to do anything here." Emerald stated, having no urge to do anything that would piss off the mad woman in the house.
Okay, Naruto was confused.
"What are you-" Naruto got started, before Kali closed the door with a smile on her face. She would rather not Emerald tell her son that she had just threatened her. Her children didn't really know that she was far more overprotective of them than she normally let on. She liked for her children to think she was the laid back, fun parent as much as possible. "-going on about... Okay then. To bad Blake isn't here, I'm sure she and Emerald would get along." Naruto mentioned with a shrug of his shoulders.
Kali doubted that severely.
"You, me and probably everyone in Beacon." Yang said. The rest of the team minus Blake nodded in agreement.
She doubted that Blake would like, approve of, or make any attempts to befriend any woman that tried to get close to her brother. Blake was one of the most territorial people that Kali knew, when she had something, she tried to claim full ownership over it if she could.
"So... You seem taller." Kali mentioned, seeing as she now had to look higher up to see his eyes than before. It seemed like he was getting into his last growth spurt, now that he was nearing 20 years old, he was getting to the point that he was reaching full maturity. To think it was only months ago that she barely had to look up to see his eyes, and now he was a good several inches taller than her. "Your clothes aren't in great condition though... What happened to you?" Kali did notice the holes in the back of his jacket and shirt, and how they seemed scorched.
Dust accident?
"Village of people eaters... I would say cannibals... but they were human, and I'm a faunus... is it cannibalism for a human and faunus to eat each other?" Naruto asked a question that didn't really have a right answer.
"As mess up as it is. It's really not. Considering the fact that we have animal traits we're not really human." Blake explained.
"So if we were to eat you right now it won't be considered cannibalism?" Yang questioned. Blake nod her head "no". "Shame I would've love to try some pussy."
...
In an instant all of team RWBY look at the brawler with a bright red blush and shocked look. "YANG!"
Kali took out her scroll.
"Cannibalism, the practice of eating the flesh of one's own species... No, technically humans and faunas eating each other is not cannibalism." Kali answered his dumb question seriously. She was well used to him asking questions that were normally best left not answered. "Sounds like you had quite the adventure." Kali wasn't too worried.
Obviously, her son escaped with his life, because he was standing next to her telling her about it.
"... If you had to eat a human, would you eat a man or a woman?" Naruto asked, a little curious about his mother's point of view.
"Is that really important?" Weiss asked. Her face still red from Yang's pun.
"People get curious sometimes." Ruby shrugged.
"Oh a man for sure. More muscle, less fat. Not to mention a man's body is bigger, and with all of that muscle it will keep a person fed longer. Boobs are all fat... and if I'm going to be killing and eating a person, might as well eat a dick." Kali joked with her son, though she did put a little thought into it. A man was bigger, and would keep her fed for much longer if she was ever in the situation where she had to eat a person. Hopefully she was never in that situation, but it wasn't like it was... completely unheard of in the ancient history of their people.
"Ha, I get. Because some guy can be that at times." Yang chuckled.
"I don't think she meant that way." Blake said slowly. Yang stop chuckling and looked at her partner.
"What?"
Naruto blinked.
"Ooooooh, I get it. You meant dick as in asshole AND as in penis." Naruto realized the joke after a moment's thought.
"... Yeah..." Kali agreed with him.
Might as well not tell him that she had no idea that she had just made that joke. She had just been talking about eating penis, she completely forgot that men could be referred to as dicks when she made the joke.
"Oh oum." Blake moaned out.
"I'm beginning to wonder if there is something wrong with your mother."
Oh well, might as well pretend she did that on purpose.
"He's gonna figure that out quick." Ruby said with a pinkish hue on her cheeks.
"Mom, you weren't talking about jerks earlier, were you?" Naruto asked her, and she gave a slight bop of her own head, sticking her tongue out.
"Called it."
"Nope, can't say I was. Us Belladonna Faunus are lusty ones... though you better be safe and responsible if you ever have sex. My motto is this... have fun, see the world, live in the moment... but don't be stupid." Kali gave her son a gentle lecture. She wanted him to have fun in life, but she didn't want him to be unsafe either.
"Word to live by...Yang." Ruby said looking at her sister.
"Oh come on I'm not that bad!" She argued.
"Yeah, I noticed the condoms you snuck into my bag." Naruto deadpanned at her, and she didn't even try to deny it.
"Put on a wrapper, before you tap her... It's nice to have these conversations. Ghira is so prudish when it comes to sex... and Blake is such an introvert. She hates talking about the little pervert inside of her." Kali was truly relieved that she could talk about this freely with her son. Her husband avoided topics about sex, and while he was a great lover she wished he was as comfortable talking about sex as he was doing it.
"I'm not an introvert." Blake mumbled.
"You're right. You're an anti-social." Yang rebutted.
She was a lusty woman, and she enjoyed talking about sex just as much as she enjoyed having sex!
"Remind me to have a talk with her when we meet her."
"You are to never meet her. Ever." Blake sweared. That would be one of the last thing she should do if she had anything to say about it.
"Yeah, Blake is a closet pervert... but you're married." Naruto mentioned to his mother, considering she shouldn't be craving it this much.
Time for sagely advise.
"It's not cheating if it's in your head. I'm allowed to fantasize about all of the men and women I want... but I would never cheat on Ghira. Though... I'm wondering if you would help me break the news to him." Kali spoke as she rubbed her stomach with a sly grin on her face.
"Mom... Don't tell me you're pregnant." Naruto mentioned with narrowed eyes.
"What?" Blake squeaked. She didn't know she was getting a another sibling.
"Wow congrats Blake." Yang said.
"You think it's happening in here too?" Ruby wondered. But Blake paled in realization, her mom might be pregnant and she did even call them the entire time.
Kali smiled.
"Yep! When you left home, I was really sad... What a lucky miracle." Kali acted cute, but Naruto knew that she was more cunning than that.
He didn't want to know the details.
He really didn't.
'Good choice'. Was the collective thought of the team
Naruto started to strip in the bathroom, while his mother stripped behind him. She looked at his back, and gave him a sad smile for a moment.
'He really is growing up. His back's gotten so big... I'm really proud of you Naruto. One day, it's going to be up to you to lead our people... I know you're going to be ready when that day comes.' Kali thought to herself as she remembered the lucky day that she met her son. The day that her family grew one member larger. Now her family was going to grow larger once more.
Kali wiped a tear that had formed.
Why did her children have to grow up so fast?
And that's that. Who's next?" Weiss questioned.
"Before that I need to do something? O! I need to talk to you!" In a matter of seconds O walked in with a curious expression.
"What's up?"
"I need to ask you of favor." Blake said looking very nervous. "I would like to talk to my mom."