Chapter 10 – Sorrow

I kept my head down and didn't talk to anyone. I was in mourning, although no one had died. I was mourning the loss of someone I loved, though he still lived. I wanted to tell Corwin that I hadn't thought that Mortola would want to capture the strolling players as well. But as I thought this, and tried to think what to tell him, I saw how stupid this was. Mortola obeyed the Adderhead, not the other way around. If the Adderhead – who hated the Motley Folk – wanted the strolling players captured, there was nothing that Mortola could do to change that.

We marched through pouring rain while Firefox yelled random orders at his men, and kicked some elderly people who were falling behind. Abby was among the women and children, and she looked up when I glanced her way. I turned my head away. I was so ashamed.

I knew then that I would do anything to change what I had done, and to make up for it. I loved Corwin – I knew that now. But I also knew that he despised me, and probably wished he had never kissed me.

We didn't stop walking until midday. I could tell that the prisoners were hungry, tired, and soaked through. I felt the same, but I wasn't going to allow myself to give in. I tried redeeming myself by taking the food that I had been given, and secretly giving it to the children, so that they could last. I knew what would happen if they didn't; I had seen it too many times when Capricorn had been alive. They would be pushed into the dirt, and they were too small to fight back. Such injustice I hated, but I could do no more than share my meager food with them, as the strolling players weren't being fed. Firefox didn't believe in feeding prisoners.

I caught Corwin eyeing me as I shared my food, but I avoided his gaze. Abby looked at me, surprise in her face. She was soaked through. I took my cloak – the soaked and dripping one I was wearing – and gave it to her, hoping it might help to alleviate her shivering.

I held some of the children in my lap until my legs fell asleep, trying to use my body heat to warm them up. They were small, thin, and could barely stand. They needed a hug. Most of the children were orphans, and their clothes were tattered. They were shivering, and no matter how much I held them and rubbed their arms and legs, they didn't stop.

Corwin came over and held some of them, too. We sat there, on the damp grass in silence, rubbing the children's legs, and holding them close. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, and saw that he was watching me.

"I am sorry," I said softly, so that he could hear but the children couldn't.

He didn't say anything; he just shrugged. That hurt more than any words he could have said, because it meant it didn't matter to him anymore. It did matter. It was important that he forgive me. If he didn't, I would never be able to forgive myself.

-

We reached the Castle of Night several days later. It was still as overbearing and frightening as when I left. The walls glowed a sickly pallor, and they gleamed in the moonlight. The guards were different. Obviously, they had been punished for not paying enough attention to catch me.

Four of the six gallows were still full. Two of the men were wearing the colors of the strolling players. The Adderhead was welcoming his guests warmly, it seemed.

I became angry, and clenched my fists. Firefox had his arms around my waist, to "prevent me from running off" as he said. He used it as an opportunity to grab at me. I bit his hand once when he tried to grab my breast, and then he stopped. But I think he relished the idea that he had some power over me.

In the courtyard, I was separated from the other prisoners, and taken to see the Adderhead at once. I heard a player mutter something about payment. I hoped he was wrong. I didn't want to be paid for my crime.

I approached the Adderhead with quick, sure steps, so that Firefox had trouble keeping up. I wanted to ask for my mother's amnesty. I knew I had already asked for it in my letter, but I also knew that the Adderhead would pretend to have forgotten.

"Where is my mother?" I demanded the moment I stood in front of him. Like most evenings, he was sitting at his table, his porcelain wife beside him, looking tired and worn out, and stuffing his face. This time, it was roast swan. I swallowed the bile that rose up in my mouth. I didn't want to know the reason for his aphelia with birds.

The Adderhead finished chewing, swallowed, and held out his hands for a servant to wipe them. The servant did so, and I saw him grimace as he was forced to wipe the Adderhead's mouth. That same mouth curved into a smile when the servant stepped back. "She's safe," he said.

"Where?" I demanded. Firefox stood behind me, his hand on my shoulder, just beside my throat. I shrugged him off. "Where is she?" My voice rose.

"She's dead," Mortola said, walking into the room. "She hung herself with my whip. Can you believe that?" Her question was rhetorical.

I just about choked on my own spit. "What?" I asked, shocked. The pain on my face was as plain as day. "No!" I screamed. I turned on Mortola. "You killed her, you bitch!" I screamed, cussing harshly, so that she raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"Is that any way to talk to your grandmother?" She asked calmly.

"You are not my grandmother!" I spat. "You are a witch, who thinks herself a goddess!" Firefox held me back. If he hadn't, I would have strangled her then and there.

Mortola looked at me without feeling, and then turned away. "Get rid of her," she said. "I never want to see that girl here again."

"In case you haven't forgotten," the Adderhead began, "I am the one in charge here, and I shall do with her what I will." Mortola glared at me for a moment, and then stormed off.

"What did you do with her body?" I demanded after she had left, trying to wrestle my arms free from Firefox's grasp.

The Adderhead picked at his teeth with his butcher's fingers. He looked at what was on his fingers and then flicked it away. He waved a hand at me. "I had my men throw it in the ocean," he said dismissively. I nearly fainted. "I wasn't going to waist any of my money on a burial."

"Waist?" I hissed, fury making my voice dangerously low.

The Adderhead made a motion to Firefox, who grabbed both my arms more firmly and dragged me to my room, closing and locking the door behind him as he left.

I screamed in frustration and stormed about the room, stomping my feet, for a good ten minutes before I screamed again, and buried my face in my pillow. I crawled under my covers and pulled them over my head like I had done when I was small, and it would thundershower.

The rain pattered my window, and lightning flashed. Mother was gone. I would never see her again, never hear her voice singing me lullabies, never hear her laughter as I insulted the Adderhead, Firefox, Mortola, and the Piper in secret with her. She was gone, and no matter where I went – the Wayless Wood, Lombrica, or Argenta – she wouldn't be there. I was an orphan and I had never felt so alone.

I heard a thunderclap and the rain came down harder, mimicking the tears trickling down my cheeks. Together, we poured our sorrows out into the night.

AN: There's chapter 10. It's a little short, I know. But I think it's more of a filler than anything. So, review, please, and leave me some CC. Flames are NOT appreciated, and will be reported, so please keep your reviews kind.