Writer's note: Not-so-nice Felix is way too much fun to write. I Can Craft-It did a great drawing of my bad Felix! Thank you so much Crafty! Go take a look: tumblr dot com/post/125911796134/a-not-so-nice-version-of-felix-from-coneygoils
The scene played out as it had for years. Fix-It Felix saved the day, receiving his reward of a hot pie and golden medal. The Nicelanders hoisted Wreck-It Ralph into the air and threw him off the building. The happily ever after that followed a normal day in the quiet town of Niceland.
The cheesy smile instantly fell off Fix-It's face after the all clear was announced. "If I have to endure one more day of this," he complained, rubbing his jaw to relieve the stiffness. "The things I do to for luxury."
"Uhh…great job today, Felix," Roy chimed in timidly as Fix-It headed toward the roof exit, not even acknowledging his fellow game characters.
"No one likes a suck up, Roy!" Gene snapped, interjecting himself between Fix-It and the other Nicelanders.
"That'll be enough, Gene," Fix-It called out, and the round denizens scurried after him. He held up the pie Mary had just given him, his face scrunched in disgust and tossed it carelessly into the trash bin in the hallway.
Fix-It flicked his index finger in the air, signaling the usual gasp that resounded from the tiny woman. Why was she so shocked when he'd threw the stinking dessert in the trash every single day?
He whirled around, clasping his hand together with the biggest fake smile he could muster. "Now, would everybody swiftly-" the smile dropped as Fix-It stabbed a finger toward the elevator, "GET. OUT. OF. MY. GAME."
The Nicelanders vacated the top floor, hurried and dejected – except Gene. "You booted them good, Felix!" the mustached man tried his best to drape an arm around the Fix-It's shoulder as if they were the best of buds, "You sure told them."
Fix-It side-stepped the unwanted attention. "Take advice from your own words." He leaned into Gene's face. "No one likes a suck up, Gene."
"But we could be so much more together, Felix!" whined Gene.
"I liked you better when you were just a crotchety neighbor that kept to yourself," Fix-It sighed wistfully. He firmly placed a hand on Gene's back and shoved him to the stairwell. "Goodbye, Gene."
He watched the shorter man disappear down the stairwell. Satisfied that he was gone, Fix-It whistled all the way into the elevator. The transportation brought him to ground level, and he whistled as he exited.
Standing by the lobby doors of the building was Deanna, smiling seductively his way. Fix-It rolled his eyes. Why hadn't these irritating little pests gotten a clue yet?
"Fe-lix," Deanna said in a sing-sang voice, blocking his path to outside. She placed a fingerless-gloved hand on his chest, a little excited sound escaping her. "How about a little fun tonight?"
He pinched her hand between his thumb and index finger, and removed it from his buttoned front. "Go away, Deanna. I'm not interested."
"Are we playing this game again? You know you want it!" Deanna lunged to kiss him, but Fix-It caught her wrists.
"No, I do not," he growled, slamming her arms down at her sides. "You look my MeMaw stepped out of a time machine. I'll get all that I need when Pauline comes home."
Deanna laughed, bitterly. "It's been over two years since she left you, Felix. Can't you see she doesn't want you anymore?"
"Don't talk to me about my wife!" Fix-It bellowed, eyes flashing dangerously. "She will come back to me!" He clutched her arm, pulling her out the lobby doors. "Get the hell out of my building."
Deanna hmphed, leaving Fix-It seething on the front stoop as she jerkily scuttered away. The next time she pulled a stunt like that, she'd be calling a cell with barred windows her home. He took a cleansing breath after a beat then turned his focus on the next matter at hand.
The back of an enormous man sat hunched over in the grass. Fix-It strolled over, hands behind his back. "Ralph, my loyal dog." Wreck-It flicked his eyes to him, but didn't move. Fix-It scanned the cleared sidewalk, satisfied that the human wrecking ball had done his job of cleaning up his mess.
"It amazes me," Fix-It began circling Wreck-It, "that every day you wait for me to bring you back to your cell. Never escaping; never retaliating. If you weren't as soft as a ripe peach, I could use you for so many things, brother."
"Don't call me brother," Wreck-It said under his breath. The corners of his mouth turned down, eyes holding deep sadness. "I refuse to do your dirty work, Felix. I wanna be free again, but I don't want anybody getting hurt because of me."
"I want many things too, Ralph," Felix paused in front of the giant man, "Order. Justice." He slipped his cap off, holding it to his heart. "To bang my wife again." He slammed the cap into the ground, fists balled up. "But until she is found, I can't do that."
"Don't force Pauline to do anything she doesn't want to," Wreck-It pleaded.
"What me and my wife do is none of your business, brother," Fix-It hissed in Wreck-it's face, bearing his teeth like wolf going in for the kill. He pivoted on the ball of his foot, shaking his head. "Why is everyone interested in my personal life today?"
Wreck-It's dejected shoulders straightened as he stood, towering over the smaller man. "Just don't hurt her or anyone else. Please, Felix."
Fix-It swiveled back to him, wagging a finger at Wreck-It. "If you don't try being a hero again, I won't. Now back to your home sweet home, Ralph." He pointed to the lobby doors. Wreck-It got to his feet, head hung glumly as he led the way to the basement.