Hephaestion

Chapter 10

It seems as if we have been in Babylon forever. There is talk of a conspiracy Alexander is watchful. The secrets and lies are getting to him bringing out the worst in everyone. Everyone handles this pressure differently, Alexander drinks; I cut. I keep this from Alexander, my new found cure for my anxiety. I have not seen Alexander in a couple of days and go in search of him. I know where he is, it was late in the evening as I walked into the center of the palace the festivities were already in full effect with everyone drinking and dancing and fucking. Alexander is watching a wrestling match between Cassander and Crateros. The other generals were yelling and betting on who would win the match. Alexander notices my entrance and beckons me over.

"Hephaistion, there you are, come here, you were always a great wrestler you should wrestle the winner" he exclaimed. Bagoas was standing behind his chair with his hands on Alexander's shoulders. I felt my blood boil at his closeness. I nodded and prepared myself for the next match, hoping Cassander would win so I might have the opportunity to wrestle him. His hatred for me was known by all. The sight of Bagoas puts me in the mood to show my abilities and who better to take it out on. It was to be my lucky night as Cassander pinned Crateros and was claimed the winner.

I entered the arena.

Alexander

I sit with Ptolemy watching as Hephaistion enters the ring. Cassander takes the first move. "Alexander may I be honest with you" Ptolemy inquired.

"I would hope you were always honest with me Ptolemy" I huff as he distracts me from the match.

"Hephaistion? Do you grow tired of him?"

"Tired of Hephaistion, Never, why do you ask such a thing."

I yell out as Hephaistion wrestles his way from under Cassander's grip, pinning him down for a win.

"Do the men think that my interest has waned?" I ask

"Yes, there is talk; of course no one would dare touch him until they were sure you had moved on." Ptolemy assured.

"Hephaestion is mine and mine only. I will extinguish their hope on this matter immediately." I announce. I am a little drunk and angry that my men were always trying to take what was mine.

I stand; walking over to Hephaistion, I grab his arm lifting it, proclaiming him the winner. I pull him into my chest hugging him close I whisper "Come, with me" Hephaistion smiles. I lead him over to a curtained off area situated near the wrestling arena. It was a small room sectioned off by thin cloth. Candles have been left lit; they cast shadows of the people within the room. I know that the men have seen me pull Hephaistion into the room. I will show them that only I can satisfy Hephaestion. I know Hephaistions body better than my own, I know exactly what it takes to excite him. I pull off Hephaistions tunic and shove my hand down the front of his pants. I kiss his neck, sucking on his earlobe.

"This is unexpected" he says sounding a little confused. He does not wait for an answer; always ready for sex. He runs his hands up and down my back pulling off my robe. I come up behind Hephaistion making sure he is facing out towards the crowd, dipping my hands in the oil left there by servants reaching one hand around his waist I take a hold of Hephaestion's cock stroking it at a slow pace taking my other hand I began to prepare him for my cock. Hephaistion is leaning his head back his brilliant blue eyes closed; blocking out the fact that the wrestling matches had ceased as now the men were watching the show behind the curtain. I enter Hephaistion pushing in slowly, pulling out half way, pushing back in. Each time pulling Hephaistions cock in the same manner, he moans. He is speaking in Macedonian

"Faster my beloved, more" Hephaistion groaned.

I began to move faster grabbing his hips to control his movements digging my fingers into his flesh wanting to bruise him leave him marked.

Hephaistion takes his own cock in hand as I am pushing and pulling his hips driving him onto my cock. He moans. I encircle his waist with one arm pulling his face back with the other I whisper into his ear.

"You are mine Phai, only I can give you this pleasure"

"Only you Alex" he pants, his breath coming in short bursts.

Hephaistion whimpers as I angle myself lower thrusting up into him. He cum's his muscles contracting around my cock, bring forth my own climax. He relaxes up against me as I continue to thrust into him. I kiss his neck murmuring claims of never ending love.

As I am cleaning up I notice Hephaistions forearm, there are small cuts, or slashes in a neat row from his elbow down to his wrist some already healing and leaving scars others looked fresh.

I grab his wrist pulling his arm so I might examine these cuts more closely.

"What is this Hephaistion?" I ask

He yanks his arm back covering the cuts with his other hand.

"They are nothing" he tells me.

"Who did this to you" I demand

"No one Alexander" He cannot look me in the eyes.

"Please Alex do not make a big deal of this" Hephaistions pleads

I think of his mother, I do not have time for his insecurities' I want to shake him scream at him to snap out of it.

"I will get us some wine" he offers wanting to end the conversation.

I touch his face nodding, too tired to address it now.

Hephaistion

I walk over to where the wine was being served. I am relieved that Alexander did not push the issue about my arm. Clitus is standing near I have not seen him in a while.

I smile at him "Joy to you Clitus" He smirks at me as I pour two glasses. I can tell he is drunk. "Is that the way you think you will earn the men's respect Hephaestion?" He slurs at me.

"I have no idea what you are talking about Clitus?" I exclaimed.

Clitus laughs "faster my beloved" he says in Macedonian making a moaning sound. I feel the blood leave my face. I looked around and see other knowing eyes on me; Cassander is off to the side with the others making a rude gesture, like he is holding someone's head as they give him a blow job; the group looks towards me and laughs. They do not need any more ammunition to use against me, I feel the panic rising. These panics are overwhelming I feel as if I am going to die. I have only one way of relieving it. Clitus is staring at me.

"You did not know we could all see?" He asks. I shake my head, no.

"Excuse me Clitus" I say as I leave the wine and retreat into a dark corner making sure I was not followed, I pull out my knife: I had to stop, I could not, I will have to hide it better.

I kneel down onto the tile, lifting my chiton I cut a deep line down my upper thigh, exhaling as I feel the pain and release. The blood flowed down between my legs at a faster pace than I had anticipated, the cut was deep. I breathe in and out slowly, smiling to myself. I will not be able to stop this, I don't want to stop. I put my hand over the gash and squeeze to stop the blood flow. I watch as blood flows from between my fingers this excites me somewhat. If the men knew this I would really be in trouble. I stand and watch as my chiton sticks to the wound, my chiton is dark so it will not show. I wipe the blood off my legs and wait to see if it continues to bleed. It does not. I walk back to the drinks hoping our glasses were still there; they are and so is Clitus. I see a flash of him naked in my mind and I blush. Ugggh I am weak and he is dangerous I tell myself. He looks me over as I walk back to the glasses he does not say anything to me. I glance at him with only my eyes trying to read his body language. He is so tall; he has black hair that hangs in his face and a short beard that has grey hair in it. His eyes even seem black. I see him again naked in my mind and I know he is hairy, dark hair on his chest, down to his stomach, down to his cock. I feel my own cock move. I push it down and he smiles at me like he knows. I take the glasses and nod at him as I walk back towards Alexander. He has left with Bagoas leaving me holding his wine I am surprised he can even want to go another round. I feel jealous and mad, I look over at Clitus he is still leaning against the pillar near the wine; watching me.

I decided to go to the baths then, since everyone else was most likely at the festivities. The baths were empty as I suspected and I removed my clothes and looked down at myself the cut on my thigh had stopped bleeding and formed a scab. My hips were bruised where Alexander had anchored himself to me during our earlier encounter. Shame floods me. My left arm where I had been cutting myself looked somewhat gruesome in the light of the baths. I stepped into the water walking out until the water reaches my waist and then dive under. It feels good on my aching muscles. It had been a while since I had wrestled and Cassander was an equal opponent. I swim up to the steps and sit on them to relax I leaned my head back and close my eyes.

"Would you like some company?" Clitus's voice sounded loud in the empty baths and startled me.

"Why are you not at the festivities?" I ask. Clitus makes me nervous for no other reason than his size and the fact that he is drunk. Drunkenness puts me on edge you can never be sure what someone might do when they are drunk.

"I doubt your Alexander is sleeping, he is probably fucking his eunuch as we speak."Clitus slurs.

"Your undivided love for Alexander mystifies me, since he in no way shows you the same devotion." Clitus informed me. "Take tonight for instance, you must know that Alexander purposely fucked you to prove to his Generals that he could have more than one lover at a time, why else do you think he took you to the partitions and not to his room, He knew we could all see, you might as well have been fucked on the wrestling match floor."

I needed to leave. I did not want to hear anymore from Clitus. I slowly walk out of the pool he had purposely stood by my chiton. I reached for it hanging on the peg. Clitus takes my wrist and turns it so he could examine my cuts. I try to pull my hand back but he holds tight.

"What is this?" Clitus questioned

I do not know what to say, I had not really thought about how I would explain my cuts; I think I figured no one would notice. I could feel myself begin to panic my heart racing; pounding out of my chest. Am I going to die? Here and now, naked in front of Clitus? I couldn't catch my breath; this is what it must feel like right before you die. I began to shake uncontrollably, gasping for air. Clitus has a look of shock on his face as he watches me dying.

He still has a hold of my wrist and pulls me towards him. He throws me over his shoulder and carries me out of the pool area. Rushing down the hall to my room where he would no doubt rape me before I died. I struggled lamely at this thought. Clitus enters my room and throws me onto my bed grabbing the covers and folding them around me. He placed his hands on my shoulders shaking me.

"Hephaistion!" Clitus shouted "Breath slowly" he ordered.

He begins to take deep breaths then blowing slowly out, repeating this until I began to follow suit. We breathed in unison until I am no longer feeling the panic that had taken over me.

"My chiton is still at the pool" I say weakly.

What I was really concerned about was my knife; I had found it at the market in Babylon.

"Damn you Hephaistion, who gives a shit, what the Hades was that!" Clitus bellowed.

I had never seen Clitus so out of sorts, he was a seasoned warrior that did not show emotion it was one of the reasons I admired him.

"I am going for Alexander" Clitus declared.

"No!" I shout sitting up from my blanket cocoon.

"I am fine now, there is no need" I grab his arm to stop him from leaving the edge of the bed.

"Thank you Clitus, I am fine now." I unfolded myself from the blankets and stand, going towards my clothes chest I grab a chiton and pull it over my head and began walking towards the door hoping Clitus would follow.

"Are you going somewhere?" Clitus asked

"Yes, I need my things from the baths" I inform him as I was walk towards the door.

"I will get them for you, please go back to bed, it is too late, and I am too tired to witness another episode or whatever you want to call what just happened" Clitus said with exasperation.

I ignored him and continued to exit my room. Clitus grab's my upper arm and pulls me back into my room, with his face inches from my own he growls

"Hephaistion, I will get your damn stuff, if you try to leave I will tie you to the bed" I roll my eyes and go back into my room. Sitting at the edge of the bed I stare at Clitus.

"Well?" I ask.

Clitus lets out a breath and stomps from the room.

I wait.

I needed that knife; just having it with me gives me strength, makes me feel safe.

It seemed forever before Clitus returns; throwing the chiton in my face he stands there watching me as I feel around for my blade.

"Are you looking for this?" Clitus asked holding the small jeweled knife in his hand.

"Give it to me Clitus" I say in a menacing voice.

"The blade is too small for protection Hephaistion" Clitus claims as he examines it, pulling off the cover.

"This would only cut the skin it is not long enough to kill a man."

I could almost see the smoke coming out of Clitus's head as he tries to figure out the reason for such a knife. I watch as he looks at me his eyes traveling to my arm. I instinctually cover my cuts with my other hand, giving myself away. Clitus walks over to me, taking the arm that was layered in cuts, staring at them. He runs a finger over a vicious scar, my first cut. He places the knife in my hand and walks out of the room. I exhaled not realizing that I had been holding my breath. I wonder what Clitus will do with this information about me.