Author's Note: Another Drake chapter, in which things start to make sense to him.

Disclaimer: Not even close to being mine. Making disclaimers just rubs it in and makes me sad.

He's always been good at this. He's a fucking legend at this. Tonight he's like a nervous 9th grader. It took him five minutes to unhook her bra for christssakes. This is the best distraction he knows and it's just not working. He can't seem to do anything that isn't awkward. His hands can't find any of the right spots, and all those tricks he's learned, tricks that should be making her bite her lip right about now to keep from screaming out his name, have left his mind. All he can see is Josh's face. There is a naked girl under him and he's still thinking about Josh. He keeps trying to clear his head and focus on the moment, but it's useless. He remembers that she was good at this too, but nothing her hands or mouth do is making the blood stop pumping to his brain where thoughts of Josh swim around fast and furious. That's when it occurs to Drake just how serious this all is. He signs, groans and roll off Lucy.

"Sorry." He breaths.

"Are you ok?" she asks, and he takes a second to be relieved that she sounds worried instead of offended.

"No. I don't think I am," He says, staring at the ceiling. She turns on her side, head propped up in her hand, studying him.

"What's going on Drake?"

"Josh." He says, which isn't really an answer, but it's the best he can come up with at the moment. She still looks worried and he wonders if he looks as confused as he feels right now, he thinks he probably does. Things are starting to slide into place in his mind, making a column of events that line up and add up to one thing.

"Josh?" she echoes. She shivers a little and he winces guiltily and pulls his blankets up over her.

"Sorry," He says again, and he means it. "I just- we're fighting."

"You and Josh? Don't you guys fight like all the time?"

"It's different. I think."

"Different how?"

"He's not just mad- it's like he's...worried or scared or something too." Drake says slowly, realizing just how true it is as he says it. He's not sure why he didn't see it earlier.

"Scared?"

"He said maybe we shouldn't do the things we always do anymore." Drake says, not as much answering as thinking out loud, "he jumped away from me, and this morning he said he spent all his time with me, like that was a bad thing- and Mindy, she said we cuddled."

"You two have always been... affectionate." Lucy says, still studying him.

"Josh likes hugs. I never used to." Drake says and he thinks, for the first time, that it all really might not be normal. That maybe between Josh's love of hugging and his love of physical contact of any sort, they've crossed a line of some sort. That maybe just because he likes to touch people, so he likes touching Josh, and Josh lets him, doesn't mean it's a good idea.

"But now?" Lucy asks.

"Josh is a good hugger. He has good shoulders." Drake says. He knows he's not really answering anything she's asking, but she doesn't seem to mind. "He's comfortable."

"Comfortable?"

"Sometimes we fall asleep on the couch together."

"Cuddling?" She asks.

"I- Maybe. Is that bad?" He asks, turning his head to look at her.

"I'm pretty sure cuddling is never bad," she says grinning a little, "but... do you feel weird about it?"

"Not really." He says, and what he means is, not until about five minutes ago, but he doesn't say that part. He likes falling asleep on the couch with Josh, he likes hugging Josh, and Drake doesn't normally question things he likes.

"Have you guys ever...like done stuff besides cuddling?" Lucy asks.

"He kissed me when I got him Oprah tickets. You know how Josh feels about Oprah." Drake says, and the way Lucy's eyebrows shoot up make him think maybe that was big deal too.

"Like... on the lips?" She asks.

"Yeah." He says. Lucy's mouth kind of just opens and closes silently and then she says,

"Ok. So...then what happens? Like what did you think?"

"That time? Nothing really. I was just kinda surprised."

"That time?" she repeats, and again, her surprised tone makes him think maybe he should have seen something was...unusual about his relationship with Josh along time ago.

"Yeah."

"So, you kissed more than once?" She asks.

"Just twice." He says, deciding not to include cheek kisses. He's not sure he can count all of those. Those can't possibly mean as much anyway- at least he doesn't think they can.

"What happened the second time?"

"I kissed him." Drake says, "See, we were in charge of getting this cake to our Aunt Catherine's wedding, but Trevor's car broke down on the way. And we got locked out of the car. Then we got robbed. Then this tow truck guys yelled at us, and then the car caught on fire. We were like a billion miles from the nearest exit, but we didn't have phones or anything, so we just had to start walking. We walked for like two hours, and then finally these old ladies stopped and gave us a ride. They drove like two miles an hour so it took forever and Josh talked to them about the 1800's or something the whole way." Drake says, shaking his head at the memory. He'd been tired and achy and grouchy, and Josh had been talking to the old people happily as if they hadn't just had the worst night ever. He'd rolled his eyes at Josh's...Joshness, and then tried to fall asleep on his shoulder.

"And then?" Lucy prompts, and Drake realizes he's stopped mid story and has been staring at the ceiling again.

"Oh. So we finally get home, and Josh makes us call Mom and Walter, so they know we're alive or whatever. Which took like another half an hour, because my mom was really mad that we didn't get the cake to the wedding. Even though it wasn't our fault at all. When we made it to our room, I was so tired I seriously don't think I could have made it all the way to my bed. We both just fell onto the couch. I was just so happy to be home, and done with walking and cars and cakes- that I leaned over and kissed Josh. And-" he trails off. He's never actually told anyone this, and he and Josh have never discussed it all. He hasn't thought about it much since, but suddenly it seems really important.

"And?" She asks.

"And it was just like a 'how awesome is it that we didn't die kiss?', which is a lot like an 'I'm so excited for Oprah kiss' right?" He asks.

"Right," She agrees, and he's pretty sure she's just humoring him, but he continues anyway.

"But, we were sitting this time, so I kinda like fell towards him, so it was," Drake pauses and searches for the right word, "softer? And there was a second when Josh kinda...moved his lips under mine a little, and I thought maybe we should just keep kissing. It just seemed like a really good idea."

"But you didn't?"

"No. We were so tired that we just kind of fell asleep." He says. That was another night when they'd just fallen asleep on the couch and he'd woken up in Josh's arms.

"Ok. But...you liked kissing Josh?" Lucy asks.

"I like everything I do with Josh." Drake says simply. Lucy bites her lips thoughtfully,

"Ok... but can you like, picture yourself kissing him again, or like.. doing more than kissing him?" She asks.

"Yes." He says instantly, because really- it's an easy mental picture to pull up, and it's a mental picture he really kind of likes. A lot.

"Have you thought about it before tonight?"

"I...think so. Yeah." He says remembering nights he'd fallen asleep to thoughts of Josh in compromising positions, or times he'd done things just so he and Josh could touch more or wrestle or hug or whatever, "does that make it extra stupid that I never really thought about it until now?" he asks.

"No... it's a weird situation. I think it would take anyone a long time to figure it all out." She says, and he thinks he's seriously going to have to write a song about her for being the coolest girl ever. He's pretty sure most of the girls he knows would not be having this conversation with him, especially given the way things had started out.

"You're awesome." He says.

"Thanks. I feel like I'm not really helping at all though." She says, looking doubtful.

"No. You are. You're awesome," he repeats. "Thank you. Seriously."

"You're welcome." She says smiling softly, "So what are you going to do know?"

"I don't know," he says, because he's still unsure of what all the things he's discovered tonight really mean, and he's even less sure what to do about them, "I mean, I don't want Josh to be angry or scared or freaked out, and I'm pretty sure making out with him won't help."

"Probably not, but maybe if you talked to him?"

"Maybe." He says, but he kind of doubts it.

"What is it that scares him? Like... what exactly is freaking him out?" She asks.

"Probably everything." Drake says. "Josh loves to freak out about things. He probably-" Drake stops as something else occurs to him. "Oh my God, that's why he asked about Thornton."

"What?"

"He asked me if the reason I didn't like Thornton was because he was gay!"

"Thornton Wellesley?" She asks.

"Oh. Yeah. Josh has been hanging out with him a lot. I have no idea why. He's seen him like a thousand times this week."

"Oh." She says, raising her eyebrows again, "Ok. So Josh has been spending time with him and you don't like it, and he asked if the reason you hated Thornton was because he's gay." She repeats, sounding like this whole thing is giving her a headache, and Drake is really going to have buy her dinner or something.

"Right."

"Even though the real reason you don't like him is because you're jealous."

"I guess so." He says, he hadn't thought of it that way- but it makes total sense when she says it, "but Josh- he asked about that after he got all freaked out when I hugged him... and ruffled his hair and touched his mouth...because he thinks he might be gay... and he's worried about what I'll think." He finishes, and as soon as he says it he's one hundred percent sure it's exactly what Josh is thinking. It makes Drake want to hug him again, only right now that would be bad idea.

"Wow. You have to talk to him." She says, and he groans and pulls a pillow out from under his head and puts it down over his head.

"I hate it when things are hard," He says into the pillow, groaning again.

"Does... does it scare you at all? The gay thing?"

"No." He says, puling the pillow off his face and turning to look at her, slightly puzzled by her question.

"Do you think you're like... bisexual?" She asks.

"Maybe. Does it matter?" He asks, still puzzled. He's not sure why figuring out that he'd kind of like to shove Josh against a wall and make out with him means he has to define himself, as anything except 'in love with Josh,' anyway.

"No. I just meant- does anything about the idea of being with Josh scare you?" She asks.

"He's leaving." Drake says, "He's going across the country."

"He's leaving no matter what happens though."

"I know but-" He trails off uncomfortably. He hates to admit how much he'll miss Josh, how much he needs Josh. That's the scary part. Kissing is fun, sex is fun- Josh leaving him? That's terrifying.

"But what?" she asks.

"I already need him. I already hate doing things with out him. So-" he trails off again, staring at the ceiling for the millionth time this conversation.

"So... you're afraid of becoming even more dependant on him when he's about to leave?" She says.

"It would be scary even if he wasn't leaving." Drake admits softly.

"Needing someone always is."

"Yeah?"

"Always, but it's not really something you can help." She says, sounding a little sad.

"You've been there?" He asks.

"Right now. We're fighting too." She says, "I don't even remember what about. I think it had something to do with college. I've been mad at him all week though."

"Is that why you're here?" He asks, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah. Kind of." She says, wincing a little, "I was trying really hard to you know, not need him. Sorry."

"No reason to be sorry." He says, smiling a little, "Did it help at all?"

"Being here and talking to you about your problems- just makes me think about him more," Lucy admits.

"That sucks." Drake says.

"Yeah. Although maybe there's a good lesson here for both of us?"

"A lesson?"

"Don't have sex with an ex just to try and get someone else out of your head?" She suggests, grinning sheepishly, "Probably not a good plan on either of our parts."

"I guess not," he says, kissing the top of her head affectionately, "so you want to tell me about him?"

"You think you could help?" She asks.

"Probably not. But I owe it to you to at least try."

...