Chapter 10: Stricken

A/N: Good day, everyone! Yes, it's been a while but I'm back to get some updates done on this one. This might be the last flashback, then we'll find out what has happened to Michonne in the present timeline.

You walk on like a woman in suffering

Won't even bother now to tell me why

You come alone, letting all of us savour the moment

Leaving me broken another time…*

The quick whistling sound caught Rick's attention as he glanced through the wire gate and up the dirt road. It was Michonne, she had returned. She had come back to them after two long weeks of being out on the road; out searching for their enemy. Out risking her life away from him. Even though they had not parted on good terms, Rick was still the one to rush over to the gate and allow her entry. Her hair bounced away from her face as she rode in swiftly on the back of her horse and came to a halt not too far away.

They had not spoken for days before she had rode out, yet in the time that had passed, Rick had missed Michonne. He thought of her every day of her absence when Carl would ask how long she was going to be gone for; when someone commented on how she should be heading back to the prison at any time; when he was alone in his cell thinking of how he missed the touch of her soft skin, something he had only just begun to know. Something he would never know again since he had cast her aside in favour of his self-deprecating guilt.

Rick could feel the relief wash over him now that he knew she was safe; he felt at ease, but he also felt anxious as he approached her. He did not think she would want to speak with him at all, but he was going to try.

"What do you want, Rick?" she asked as he came to stand beside her and the creature she was unloading.

He felt his stomach drop at the sound of her tone; she was not happy to see him.

"I wanted to say hello and welcome back," he said, quietly aware that others were headed in their direction to greet their friend also.

She looked at him incredulously. She recalled two weeks prior when he had ignored her for days after they had been intimate and then did not even attempt to reconcile with her before she had left.

"Really? You actually remember who I am now? That's great, Rick. But please, don't bother, I'm obviously not worth the trouble," was all she said before she led the horse away.

I don't want to mention the reason I know

That I am stricken and can't let you go

When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know

That I am crippled by all that you've done

Into the abyss will I run…

Michonne relayed the details of her expedition to the council members; gave Carl and Judith gifts she had procured; cleaned herself up; and sat through a communal dinner where she actively ignored Rick before she was afforded the opportunity to sleep. Her cell was dark and quiet; she could hear the faint sounds of laughter coming from elsewhere in the prison building. She closed her eyes tightly and tried to push the images of Rick's face out of her mind. In all honesty, she was conflicted. She knew that her feelings for him had been roused, but she also knew she was angry with him. She knew he had his own issues to work through, as did she; but she had hoped they could do it together. Maybe she should have swallowed her pride and accepted his attempt at speaking with her; maybe she did do the right thing by not yielding to him. Either way, Michonne could not ignore the slight aching in her chest whenever she thought about Rick.

Rick tried to quiet his mind in the solitude of his cell while his small daughter slept peacefully, but it was to no avail. Michonne's image kept flooding his mind; he felt like such a fool for turning her away. It was obvious that he had hurt her and rejected her. That was not what he intended to do. Rick did still crave her touch, but he was afraid of letting go of the past; he was afraid of opening himself up. Yet he knew from the time that they had spent apart, that the fear of losing Michonne was strong as well. He needed to open up a dialogue with her; he could not spend another day encompassed by thick, unforgiving silence when in her presence. They needed to find some resolve; they needed to find common ground.

Rick suddenly sat up on his bed and ran his fingers through his dishevelled hair. He sighed loudly and searched his quarters for his boots. Once he pulled them on, Rick made his way in the direction of Michonne's cell.

Michonne lit her lantern as she heard the slight rapping at her door; she sat up, covered her scantily clad bottom half with a sheet and then told her visitor to enter. Rick stopped at the doorway and stared a moment; he felt his breath hitch at the sight of her basking in the warm, dim glow of the lantern. Her sad, dark eyes wide with surprise at his audacity in going to see her after everything that had transpired between them.

"Can we talk?" he asked softly.

Michonne swallowed and then nodded her head in the affirmative. Surprisingly to her, he took up a seat next to her on the bed. He was close enough that she could smell the soil and sweat that was still on his skin; close enough that his heat warmed her bare arm.

"Look, I wanted to apologize for bein' distant with you before you left," he started. "It was silly of me."

"It was juvenile of you, Rick," she added; he nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, it was. I wanted you to know that I was worried about you when you were out there. It was stupid of me not to say goodbye, but expect you to wanna be all chatty with me when you got back. I'm an asshole. I'm sorry," he said in earnest as they both held one another's gaze.

"Why'd you keep your distance? I thought we could at the very least still be friends," Michonne asked sadly.

Rick shrugged, sighed and wrung his hands together.

"I want us to be friends…" he said before she interjected.

"Well why'd you push me aside?" Michonne asked, feeling the frustration rise from deep within.

"I didn't push you aside," he retorted.

"Bullshit!" she said as she stood and walked to the wall; not caring that she was only wearing a tank top and panties.

"I wanted to give you space," he offered weakly.

"No, you wanted me out of your sight. You had to be pleased when I was gone," she said as she folded her arms over her chest.

"That's not true. I never wanted you to go. I missed you the whole time…"

"Rick, don't. Just don't…"

"What?" he asked, as he stood and walked towards Michonne.

"If you really cared that I was leaving, you would have at least spoken to me in the days leading up. You fuckin' acted like I didn't exist. No wait, you fucked me, and then acted like I didn't exist!"

"Michonne, it ain't even like that…"

"Well what's it like, Rick? Tell me so I can understand. Why'd you give me the cold shoulder if you wanted us to just be friends? Why?" she said as she stood closer to him.

"It's because of this," he said as he gestured to the short gap between them. "All of this; these fuckin' feelings or this attraction or whatever it is. It's overwhelming sometimes. You're like some flame that I keep gettin' drawn back to, Michonne. How are we gonna be friends when I can't even be around you because all I can think about is touchin' you?"

Michonne stopped at his admission and stared back into Rick's eyes. Then, without hesitation she grabbed his face and pressed her mouth to his. This time, Rick did not try to pull away; instead, he forced his tongue into her mouth and deepened their kiss as he walked Michonne backwards to the wall. Almost breathlessly, he broke their kiss and pulled her top from over her head and then lifted her so she had her legs wrapped about his waist. They devoured one another's mouths again in heated fervor.

Michonne gripped him tightly as he undid his zipper and freed himself; Rick pulled her panties roughly to the side, causing them to tear as he swiftly entered her moistened centre. Michonne whimpered at the sensation of being penetrated by Rick. He placed his hand over her mouth as he thrust into her to stifle the sounds that she made as he hit her core again and again. He bit down on Michonne's shoulder to silence his own moans as he closed his eyes and pushed upwards into her. Michonne shifted her head so that she could take Rick's fingers into her mouth. Her breathing became more frantic so Rick removed his hand and placed it at her backside before he kissed her mouth once more. Their hot breath was on each other's lips; their eyes were peering deep into one another while their bodies were united. They both relished in the feeling of releasing their pent up frustrations this way. Rick finally rested his head near Michonne's neck, closed his eyes got lost in how good it felt to be so close with her again. She whispered his name and Rick questioned how he had ever thought being with her in that way was wrong.

You'll never know why your face has haunted me

My very soul has to bleed this time

Another hole in the wall of my inner defences

Leaving me breathless, the reason I know

That I am stricken and can't let you go…

*Stricken by Disturbed