Internal Dialogue

Percy stood as though Petrified as Cordelia's words sliced through him. He felt the blood from his face drain unpleasantly to the bottom of his stomach where it lay like a quagmire. Breathing became more of an issue as his lungs seemed to have crystallized, causing sharp pains in his chest every time he drew in a ragged breath. He was queasy, and though he tried to stand still he felt tremors pulsate in his arms and legs. His head buzzed erratically preventing any two coherent thoughts from pairing together. This was particularly unnerving as a small portion of his consciousness remained aware, and it desperately screamed in terror, begging to know what was happening.

"You're having a panic attack, you idiot," a sarcastic but calm voice called out from inside his trembling brain.

"What?" he called, answering himself a little shakily.

"A pan-ic a-tta-ck," the internal chime replied a bit irritably, as though annoyed at having to repeat itself.

Percy hadn't had a panic attack since the middle of his fifth year when he lost his OWL review sheet for Charms. As a high strung youth he had been quite susceptible to spells of anxiety which often manifested themselves into physical ailments. Up until that point it was something he allowed himself to have, taking precaution only in ensuring nobody (especially his worrisome mother and teasing brothers) ever saw him. But when it started to interfere with his studies he began taking more proactive steps. Consciously rule breaking for one of the few times in his school career, Percy used his Prefect status as an excuse to sneak into the library after hours and stole a book. Leaving a blank replica behind, Percy hid the self-help hardback under his mattress as he determinedly studied preventive measures in coping. Though the book often suggested seeking out some professional help for severe cases, he couldn't bear showing such a weakness to Madam Pomfrey or a Healer, and instead he used his professional determination to master the issue on his own. It had been a point of pride and the smallest of comforts when he kept himself together a year later when Penelope lay in the Infirmary after being attacked by the Basilisk, or two years after that when he felt sure that Ron had died after being dragged into the lake. He had felt himself start to unravel on the night of the Battle of Hogwarts, but even then he had able to keep it together enough to help carry Fred's body to safety and to fight to ensure that no more of his loved ones were harmed.

But this verbal assault had taken him by surprise, and he had not thought to ready himself mentally against an attack triggered by Cordelia. As he continued to shake while he stood alone in the Co-op office, it became clear to Percy that he needed to act in order to gain composure and sanity. However, the second he tried to get his brain to focus on the necessary steps to reach these statuses, he realized just how dizzy and unfocused he was, and for a moment he felt like he didn't have the energy to even make an effort.

"Breathe!" the inner voice demanded sharply. "Breathe, you worthless prat, before you kill us both!"

Breathe? Could it really be that simple? Percy felt the thought did seem to have some merit and pulled in a deep lung full of air, ignoring the stabs of pain in his chest as he did.

"Good. Now exhale and repeat until you no longer feel like vomiting." Percy shook his head in obedience and followed his orders. Indeed, with each breath he took it became a little easier to stand, and the pains in his body began to dull. All he needed was enough time alone to continue seamlessly through the process before he would come to.

"Weasley Junior!" a loud, booming voice called. "Or one of them, anyway. How the hell are you?"

Percy snapped upright. This engagement would require much more than breathing.

He spun on his heel to face the large burly stature of Albert Alkek, Magical Law liaison to the Library of the Ministry, and Muggle enthusiast. Alkek and Mr. Weasley had long been friends based upon this shared passion, and the two of them had been known to venture out into the Muggle World to immerse themselves in the culture. One such memorable excursion had the two of them kicked out of a local electronics shop after gawking a bit too loudly at an automatic card shuffler. Needless to say, Percy knew the man.

"Hullo, Mr. Alkek," Percy sputtered, focusing intently on reducing the speed of his breathing while ensuring he remained doing so.

"Whoa there little Weasley, you look like you just walked through a ghost! What the devil is the matter?" Alkek asked boisterously, slapping Percy hard on the back. The excess force on his precariously balanced body almost sent Percy flying forward. He shot his arm out forward to brace himself against the counter. He pulled off this maneuver as intentional by throwing his hand on the packages Valencia left for him.

"Not much sleep, er, up early," Percy was able to say as he moved the rest of his body closer to his pile of parcels, concentrating with all his might to ensure they were still stacked and easily accessible.

"Ah, a young buck like yourself, doesn't surprise me in the slightest to hear you going out at all hours of the night! What is life without a little adventure?"Alkek asked brightly, unaware of Percy's dangling predicament.

"Right," Percy replied, without actually realizing what he was agreeing to. All he could think about was getting as far away from that office and off to a secluded place where he could relax his beating pulse privately. "I have to get going sir, but it's been nice seeing you. I'll tell Dad we bumped into one another."

Percy registered deep vibrations in his ears coupling with the buzzing in his head, signaling Alkek had responded, but Percy did not bother deciphering what was being said. He slid the parcels into his arms to hurry out of the room and was shocked with how heavy one of the small cubes was. Had he not felt like he was about to implode upon himself and supernova, the box would have peaked his curiosity a bit more. Instead, he merely shifted the boxes carefully in his grasp and walked swiftly away from the main corridor now teeming with life, heading to the seldom used emergency stairwell.

He kicked the door to the stairs hard, causing a banging echo to reverberate up and down the flights. He didn't bother to care if this noise brought about attention, and simply let the parcels he was carrying drop out of his hands as he threw his back against the wall to steady himself. Percy clutched his chest to monitor his still rapidly beating heart and continued to breathe steadily in order to calm himself physically. After a few minutes the symptoms began to clear and he was able to address the larger matter at hand.

Why had Cordelia's words sent him into such a panic? Heaven knows the two of them had had their share of nasty fights. The last time they had argued she had thrown every cut down insult imaginable towards him, and the worst that had happen was he had hurt his knuckles punching his flat's wall in frustration after she had stormed out. Today's exchange was far milder then was normal for the wretched witch, so why was she able to crush him with just a few calmly stated sentences? As Percy threw his head back against the wall, letting out a deep lung full of air, he realized he knew the answer.

Audrey. There was no denying that he thought of her often, more and more so as time went by. She had been a consistent source of joy and comfort to him over the past few stressful weeks. He had been surprised time and time again at how she could be so seemingly clueless and absent minded one moment, and then the next find some error or detail he had over looked, or manage to have a file he needed on hand before he even asked for it. She was remarkably insightful and clever, managing to tease and push his buttons just enough to get him to laugh at himself without ever being mean. The girl could be such a mess sometimes Percy often wondered how she got out of her house with both boots on her feet, yet when it came time to be serious, she was always alert and ready.

Audrey had been so helpful at work, but had done even more for him on a personal level. Not only had she been encouraging and comforting when he voiced that he was down, but her over all personality had began to rub off on him. It was hard to be frustrated and unhappy at work when she was so good natured and bubbly. He found himself focusing on work less and spending more time concentrating on whatever she was doing. And when he sat and thought about it, Percy realized he didn't mind. In fact, he rather enjoyed the distraction.

After thinking of Audrey for so long, Percy realized a smile had crept on to his face. He shook it off and pushed himself to focus on his problem. Yes, he conceded, Audrey was beautiful, incredibly adorable, and he enjoyed nearly every moment in her company. He had grown close to her, cared for her, which was admittedly not something he often did. But the way Cordelia talked about him wanting her made it seem like he craved for more than just friendship.

Percy felt his heart tug at the thought, but quickly shut the sentiment down. It was unprofessional to think of her that way. She was a just a very friendly person who was forced to spend her work week cooped up in a small office with him. Yes they had become friends, but no more than that. Besides, Audrey was already in a relationship, so there was no reason to venture down that road of thought. But these were all things Percy already knew, so what caused him to go off?

"You don't have enough to offer her for her to be interested in you."

Cordelia's words bounced around his head as clearly as if she had just shouted them into the cavernous stairwell. Upon hearing them this time however, Percy didn't feel upset. Instead he got angry, a bit at her, but mostly at himself. It truly was a classic Cordelia sentence. They had spent enough time around another for him to know how she worked. She got to know enough about her opponents to find their weakness and use it to break them. And Cordelia Banks certainly knew enough about Percy to do just that. She knew Percy struggled with feelings of inadequacy, both personally and professionally. The more he thought about it, the more perfect of a thing it was for her to say. It doubled both on the aspects of how he hated being poor and how he felt he could never measure up against ruggedly handsome Quidditch players, of which he knew at least two of Audrey's boyfriends had been. He felt stupid, and a bit pathetic, for falling for such a trap. Cordelia was attacking him for no longer wanting to associate with her, and her sick mind concocted that the only reason he no longer wanted her was because he wanted someone else. Which wasn't the case, he reasoned with himself firmly.

"Your little assistant isn't as sweet and innocent as she acts."

Percy hesitated upon revisiting this sentence and began to think about it. Not in the way Cordelia intended, for he already found a hole in her logic. If he had nothing to offer Audrey, why would she be conning him? But there were things about Audrey that made him wonder. She was hiding something, perhaps even multiple somethings, and it was getting to be more noticeable the longer he was around her. Audrey was so seemingly open most of the time, sometimes to the point where she wouldn't shut up. Yet there had been several instances where she had frozen, neglected to speak on an issue, or simply joked something off that obviously had upset her. Percy noticed this happening the most whenever her family was brought up, but she had also failed to fully explain their quick get-a-way from the Lancasters, or why she had seemingly lost all interest in her art when he knew for a fact she had amazing talent. Such occurrences were mostly minor, but they were frequent and adding up all the time. It was becoming obvious that there was more to Audrey then she was letting on, and it was clear to Percy that she was intentionally hiding things about her life from him. This bothered him, more so then he liked to admit, because it made him feel like they weren't as close as he'd like to think. But he reminded himself that she was well with in her right to have secrets and keep private if she wished, no matter how out of character he thought it seemed. Plus, despite the fact that the two were so casual around one another, he was still her boss, and boundaries, even if unwanted, still had to be drawn.

Even if Audrey was hiding something, Percy was certain that Cordelia knew nothing about it anyways. To his knowledge the two had conversed only once, and he knew enough about Audrey to feel secure that she would steer clear of the likes of Cordelia, even if Percy didn't despise her first. Surely Cordelia had only said that in hopes that it would stir up unpleasant emotions in him, and he felt incredibly thick for allowing her ruse to be successful.

"Well, that stops now," he thought determinedly, straightening himself up off the wall. After his extensive reasoning he felt much calmer and level headed, and was ready to leave his solitude behind him. Though still a bit shaken, he was ready to rectify the situation fully. He made a mental note to apologize to Valencia for the scare at the office and to strike up a friendly conversation with Alkek later to show that his earlier antics were only temporary. He knew it would be easier to shake off Cordelia's insults when he worked through all of his guilt, and as he left the stairway and made his way to his office, he knew that that meant more than just apologizing to the two of them. He also needed to apologize to Audrey.

(A/N: Sorry that this chapter ends kind of abruptly. It's actually just part of a single chapter that ended up being so long I figured it would be better broken up. The next chapter is already written and is being reviewed for grammar and other errors, and should be up in a couple days. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it!)