A/N: Sorry for the long delay, especially with that cliffhanger, but things got hectic with school and then my dad went to the hospital... this story just fell from my mind. Actually, I can not even begin to explain how difficult it was to get this chapter up, but, I'm back for now :) So it seems that most of you guys knew that it was Fin lol and I only got a few complaints about it :)

"Dammit!" Carisi yelled out in frustration as he slammed his phone filled hand on his thigh, not caring
about the device's well-being at all. "Neither one of them is picking up" he added as he gave a worried look to his boss, who was driving the car.

"Keep trying" Olivia ordered with tight lips as she stopped at a red light. She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel impatiently as she tried to steady her breathing. Her heart had been racing since the moment she received that call from the lab, and she knew that she needed to calm down in order to think straight.

"It's not going to help, Lieu, I've called them both multiple times" Carisi answered her back quickly. His voice was tight and it was clear that he was in an agitated state. He threw his head back against the seat and let out a shaky breath "this can't be happening, right?" he says in disbelief as he slowly tilted his head so he could see his boss with both eyes. "This has to be a mistake, a mix-up in the lab... a dream, a nightmare" Carisi leans his head forward and looks at his trembling hands, the adrenalin in his system making him feel numb "first we find out Amanda was raped... but... for it to have been Fin, that's just..." he trailed off not knowing what else to say, still not completely processing the news.

"I know" Olivia responded, her voice still stern "I can't..." she let out a quick breath "I don't want to believe any of this, but we don't get that luxury, Carisi" her eyes stayed focused on the road as she sped through the crowded New York City streets "we need to respond to the evidence that is given to us, and right now, that means that we need to get to Amanda's apartment as fast as we can before anything else happens"

"You don't think Fin would hurt her?" Carisi questioned as they pulled up in front of Amanda's building, both of them jumping out of the car and running in.

"Honestly, I don't know what to think" she answered as they started to run up the stairs to avoid the notoriously slow elevator. They both took two stairs at a time and in record pacing made it to Amanda's floor. Olivia's heart began to beat even faster as she approached the closed door to her youngest detective's home. She was about to knock but froze when she heard Amanda's muffled screams on the other side soon followed by Fin's yelling. Olivia instantly reached for the doorknob but it was locked "son of a bitch" she backed away and turned to the younger man "Carisi"

"On it" he responded as he backed up and kicked the door in. " Amanda, Fin!" he yelled as he rushed in
followed by Olivia. The yelling had become much clearer and was coming from the
bathroom.

The pair made a beeline for the room and stopped as they saw Fin at the doorway. His entrance to the restroom was being blocked by a growling Franny. "Amanda, please, it's alright. I'm right here, but you need to get Franny to stand down" he called out over Franny's growling and Amanda's own loud sobs "Baby girl..." he stopped when he noticed Olivia and Carisi crashing in "what the hell?"

"Fin, get back!" Olivia ordered as she pushed her way in and easily passed the protective dog. Her years on the police force gave her the ability to quickly scan her surroundings and take in the sights before her. Her heart ached at the sight she saw. Amanda had pushed herself back as far as she could into the corner of her bathtub, still screaming for some invisible attacker to stop. Her knees were cradled to her chest as her head was bent down on top of them and her hands curled on top of her hair. The sheer terror Amanda was feeling was palpable. The Shower curtain had been torn away and water was spraying onto the floor.

"I don't know what happened?" Fin said as he watched his oldest friend take in the sight before her and take charge "she was fine until she went to take a shower" he added in confusion, trying to convey that he had done nothing to set off his partner.

The more Fin spoke the more frantic Amanda's behavior became "stop, stop, please leave me alone" she screamed in between harsh sobs.

"Amanda..." Fin began to say

"Fin, get out!" Olivia ordered harshly keeping her eyes on the younger woman as she slowly knelt on
the floor, turning off the hot water.

"But Liv," he tried to argue but was again cut off by the brunette

"Carisi, get him out now. Take him to the station, I don't care, just both of you leave" Olivia ordered,
wanting to get the guys as far away from Amanda as possible. Olivia wasn't sure if, at that moment, Carisi would trigger Amanda as well, but she wasn't going to take that risk.

Carisi instantly jumped into action when he heard Olivia's command. The young Italian detective pulled at Fin's shoulders and dragged the elder man away. Franny followed them, keeping her head low and threatening until they were out into the corridor in front of Amanda's unit, then she laid on the floor facing the door to keep watch over her master, making sure that no other threat could enter.

"What the hell are you doing man, get off me" Fin yelled as he pushed off the younger man. Carisi had
just shut Amanda's broken door behind them when Fin had gotten free.

"You heard, Lieu, we needed to get out of there. We were only making it worse" Carisi said with his
hands up, but he couldn't help but look at the other detective with distrust "what happened anyway?"

"I don't know, she just snapped" Fin bit back angrily, he could feel the negative emotions coming from
his coworker "then Franny wouldn't let me near her, damn dog..." he ran his hand over his head in frustration "no, I can't just stay out here" he said as he began to move back inside

"Fin, stop!" Carisi yelled as he pulled the elder man back but was again pushed away "you can't go
back in, the Lieu..."

"I don't give a damn what Liv says. She's my partner. I'm not leaving her" Fin yelled back, this time
grabbing at Carisi's collar, pinning his against the wall, as the younger man tried to stop him again. Amanda was in pain and he wasn't going to be sidelined by anyone.

"It was you" Carisi choked out "that's why you need to leave, it was you Fin"

Fin froze at the younger man's words. His body became rigid and his mouth dry. "What... what are you
saying?" he questioned as his heart rate picked up and he lost hold of Carisi shirt.

"The DNA on Amanda's clothes came back, the semen from her pants, it's yours. You raped Amanda. You did all of this" Carisi said slowly but seriously as he watched Fin's reaction and rubbed his newly freed neck.

"No... that can't be... liar!" he yelled again but this time he didn't move. His focus turned to his
shoes as thousands of thoughts and images fled through his mind, none of them making any coherent sense.

"Why would lie?" Carisi questioned back solemnly "it's the truth, and I think deep down you know it" Fin didn't respond but instead stood shell-shocked, any fight he once had draining out if him. Carisi sighed. He was tried. He was emotionally drained, but he also knew that this was just the start to everything. "Come on, we need to get out of here" and with that Carisi led a stunned and unresponsive Fin out of Amanda's building and down toward the station.

"Amanda, shhh, it's okay. He's gone, you're safe" Olivia said gently as she sat on the floor next to her

sobbing detective. Olivia continued to shhh the younger woman in an attempt to calm her down enough to be able to get her out of the tub and hopefully into some clothes.

Olivia quickly looked around the small bathroom and grabbed the towel that was hanging on the towel
rack. "Amanda, I'm going to drape this towel over you, okay Hun" she didn't receive a response, but went ahead and did it anyway. She slowly laid the towel over the young mother's back and held it together at her front. "Honey, I'm going to need you to stand up okay. You need to get dressed"

"No, please, just leave me alone" Amanda whimpered as she held onto her own body more tightly "why can't anyone just leave me alone," she said in a sob.

"Because we care about you Amanda, you're in pain, and when someone you care about is in pain you
simply can't ignore it" Olivia tried to explain as she tentatively began to rub Amanda's back in a soothing pattern.

"You don't care about me" Amanda answered back, her own voice weak and tired.

"That's not true, you know that it's not true, we've already had this discussion" Olivia responded honestly. The elder woman watched as Amanda slowly began to lift her head and make eye contact for the first time since the brunette had entered the bathroom. Amanda's eyes were tired and filled with pain and fear. "Honey, please, stand up. Let me help you, you need to get dressed so you don't catch a
cold" Amanda didn't respond "think of Jesse, you wouldn't want to be sick and taking care of your baby girl, right. We don't want her getting sick as well" Olivia felt guilty using Amanda's own daughter against her but felt it justified if it meant that Amanda would begin responding to her.

"I... okay" Amanda whispered as she began to stand. Her legs were weak and she needed to be helped
out of the tub by the elder woman. Once she was safely outside the tub, Olivia fixed the towel so that it properly covered Amanda, the younger woman still trapped in a semi-dazed state. Olivia then walked her blonde detective to her bedroom and sat her on the bed. The elder woman turned to look for something Amanda could wear when she heard a soft and pitiful "I'm sorry"

"Oh, honey, you have nothing to apologize for," Olivia said quietly as she turned around to see a
small trail of tears falling from the younger woman's eyes.

"Yes, I do. This is all my fault..." Amanda said as she turned her head away "this whole thing, I
shouldn't have freaked out in the bathroom. I shouldn't have acted like that, now you're going to not let me come back to work" her voice remained steady but the pain in the younger woman's eyes only grew with each word.

"Amanda, you can't control when you have a flashback or a panic attack. I get that, I've been
through that. But, don't worry about your job, you will come back to work, I promise, as long as you want to work in SVU you will have a job, it just might be a little before you can be in the field again" Olivia explained as she gently sat down next to Amanda and took her hand in her own. She softly began to rub her thumb across the younger woman's knuckles as she continued to speak. "And, this is no one's fault but the man..." she paused.

Olivia had been working from instinct since the moment she had entered Amanda's apartment. This was the first instance since she had been reunited with the younger woman that she is consciously aware of who had been the one to violate her youngest detective in such a vile way in the first place. The fact that it was one of her own people, her oldest friend, that had hurt Amanda in such a way made it difficult for Olivia to respond. She was going to tell Amanda that only the man that had hurt her was at fault for any of this, but it was more difficult to know that that man was Fin. She still believed that Amanda should feel no guilt or shame for this, but now she truly understood why Amanda had been so apprehensive about her situation. She wanted to protect Fin, she didn't want to believe that any of this was real.

"Liv?" Amanda questioned out of concern and confusion as she noticed the elder woman's sudden shift in mood, "what's wrong?"

"It's nothing... I just realized..." Olivia trailed off, not knowing if she should confront the younger
woman about the issue of Fin being her attacker. She knew that she was eventually going to tell Amanda that they had been investigating her rape, but she didn't think it was going to be this difficult when they had finally found the rapist.

"You realized..." Amanda repeated slowly but stopped when the sudden realization struck her "no...
you know... I told you not to investigate, to let this go... you didn't! Why!" Amanda began screaming and breathing heavy. She didn't want them to know, they were never supposed to find out.

"We couldn't let this go, Amanda. I couldn't let this go, not when someone had hurt you so much... but I
never... I never thought it would have led to this" Olivia exclaimed her own tears falling now at the betrayal she, herself, felt at what Fin had done to her youngest detective "I never thought Fin was capable of doing..."

"He's not!" Amanda screamed as she stood up and backed away from the elder woman "he's not capable of this and you know it! It wasn't his fault, he was drunk, I was too buzzed to stop him. If I was only more careful this wouldn't have happened, he cares about me Liv..." Amanda said sternly

"I know he does, Amanda, but what he did was wrong and illegal. He may not have meant it, but he hurt you, and now you're willing to only hurt yourself more to protect him. Why should you be the only one to suffer?' Olivia said calmly as she also stood up

"If you tell him the truth it's going to kill him, he won't have a future. I don't want him to suffer from this. Please don't ruin his life too" Amanda said weakly as she laid her hand against her bedroom wall and turned so that she was resting her upper body's weight against it, twisting away from Olivia with, her other hand over her mouth to keep in her sobs.

"His life, what about yours, Amanda?" Olivia asked softly as she took a small step toward the younger
woman "why, do you think that you don't matter in all of this? I appreciate how loyal you are to him, but you need to think about yourself, your own future"

"Liv, it's not that simple. You just don't understand," Amanda responded as she tried to keep in a
sob

"What don't I understand?" Olivia questioned back

"He... Fin" Amanda took a deep breath to steady herself but only managed to make her voice more shaky and vulnerable "he was the first person I..." she whispered so low that Olivia couldn't hear the rest of her statements

"Honey, I couldn't hear you"

"He was the first person I trusted after I came to New York, after what Patton did to me in Atlanta"
Amanda repeated louder. Her statement only caused Olivia's heart to hurt more for Amanda. The younger woman had been through so much and still, she wanted to work for SVU, to fight the good fight. Olivia couldn't say that she had ever been more impressed with Amanda's strength. "He made me feel safe again, he helped me so much... he's always been there for me. No matter what, no questions asked. He… he couldn't have done this" Amanda said as she leaned harder against her bedroom wall and slid to the floor "I don't know what I would do if he could do this" she sobbed louder and wrapped her hands around herself in a poor attempt to create a shield against the harsh reality she was finally facing. "I don't want this to be real"

Slowly Olivia also knelt to the floor, and inched her way to the younger woman "but he did do this,
Amanda. I'm so sorry, but it's real. He hurt you, and you will never be able to move on from this unless you can admit that to yourself"

"No!" Amanda let out another sob "no, I can't. He can't..." Amanda faltered as Olivia reached the
spot next to her and slowly pulled the younger woman into a soft embrace. "He... he... it can't be him. It can't be his fault. How can I trust anyone in this world if he could betray me like this!" she sobbed into Olivia's chest as she clasped onto the fabric of the elder woman's shirt for dear life. Olivia began to rock them both from side to side as Amanda continued to cry. She finally stopped fighting it, she could no longer attempt to live in the hollow notion that everything would remain the same if she just kept telling herself it never happened. The full force of Amanda's pain was released as she held tightly onto Olivia as if the elder woman was the only thing in the world keeping her from falling into an unfathomable darkness "Why did he hurt me! Why did he do this! How could he do this! Why, why, why!"

Olivia's heart was torn to pieces every time a desperate scream was released from the younger woman's
sobbing form. "I don't know, Amanda" Olivia whispered as she gently stroked the back of the younger woman's head in a small attempt to convey her support "I wish I could take this all away. I would gladly relive my time with Lewis a dozen times over if it could make it so that none of this happened, but life is not like that. We can't change the past, but I promise to be with you every step of the way in the future, you're not alone. I promise you won't have to deal with this alone"

A/N: I hope this was worth the wait. So now I hope it makes more sense why Amanda felt the need to absolutely deny the whole incident, it shattered her whole foundation for trust in anyone. Thanks for reading, and for the wonderful reviews :) I really appreciated the feedback, and it kept reminding me that I had this story to finish even with everything else going on.