Retrace Chapter 10: Time and Confusion, a south of nowhere fanfic

It seems I'm taking longer to update lately. Ha. I've been crazy busy what with school starting again, AP Lit is gonna kick my butt. But regardless, here is the next update.

LoveAsh87: Oh Spashley will be here soon I promise. Lol.

TutorGurl: I understand that, however, in this story I felt that the conversation with Vanessa was necessary for Spencer to realize some things. It is up to you whether or not you agree. As for the friendship bit, of course she's not going to jump back in. That'd make her dumb. Lol. Which Spencer is anything but.

Coachkimm: I'd actually never even heard that song until the night I wrote that. Lol. But I really liked their version.

Just friends never seemed so hard as it did for that month and a half, I never hated a phrase so strongly as that one. As there always had been between us, there were moments in which everything was so perfect that it took all my will to not kiss her or pull her into a loving embrace. In those moments I settled for a friendly gesture because that was what she had asked of me. It was trying, but worth it if it meant regaining her trust and spending time with her. Even more trying was watching her go on various dates with girls that she always decided were just not what she was looking for. I would, after much convincing, help her get ready every time and be there when she inevitably returned to my apartment and throw herself onto my bed in a huff and declare that she didn't like them as much as originally expected. That always turned into a moment.

Vanessa had moved out, despite my protests, as she had gotten a job across town after resigning from her previous position; her previous position that still remains a mystery. She began working for FoolProof Records, frequenting local clubs in search for the next big band. Hence her connection to Never Settle, an up and coming band headed by a feisty LA native, Anina. It was through Vanessa that I met her and was invited to jam with them and eventually why she turned to me when she needed a singer for one of the songs they were scheduled to do at a show.

Over that period of time I had been getting more and more involved in the musical world, seeing as how I didn't have much else to do and a job would have been just too much to ask of me. So I wasn't about to turn down the opportunity to get some face time with an already well established band to back me up. The song was Time and Confusion, which turned out to be an amazingly beneficial twist of fate. Both Vanessa and Spencer insisted on being there to cheer me on at my first performance with other artists in the trade.

"Okay people, we're on in two minutes. Let's get out there and blow them away. Ash, you're gonna be up for the second song, I'll announce you and you can come on out. Oh, and don't be nervous, you'll be fabulous," Anina stated. I hardly listened as the first song began and ended before hearing my name called out and my feet dragged me out onstage. I was extremely nervous with my painted on smile as I stepped up to the microphone. The fakeness faded away as I saw Spencer standing and cheering with Vanessa at her side laughing wildly at the display. As the guitar started, signaling the beginning of my song, I allowed my eyes to wander the crowd.

Whoa oh, yeah-ah
Whoa oh, yeah-ah
Whoa oh

Live for today
We'll dream tomorrow
We've got big plans in sight
We'll take this city and by nightfall...
The bright lights are calling

My wandering eyes met Spencer's and I found no reason to move them. The whole time I had practiced these lyrics I felt as though it would be perfect to sing them to her.

Everything is going our way
Everything is just as we've planned
This is our future (from what we've heard)
And I've still got your hand

And it feels like we could last forever
And I'm not doing this alone

When memories fade
We've got each other
When time and confusion collide
Singin' I hold it all when I hold you
When friends walk other ways
We've got each other
I hold it all when I hold
I hold it all when I hold you

It was the truth I had wandered back to so many times, through drunken escapades and aching withdrawals I realized that she was worth it and nothing was worth it without her.

Whoa oh, yeah-ah
Whoa oh, yeah-ah
Whoa oh

We fell on hard times
This isn't the ideal
We're miles from home
Doing the best that we can (best that we can)

I won't do this without you
I won't do this without you
So take heart...
'Cause you know that you have mine

And it feels like we could last forever
And I'm not doing to do this alone

I looked directly in her eyes as she sat before me and she smiled. There was no denying the sudden giddiness I experienced at that smile for I had worried myself to the point of shaking that she would be angry with me for overstepping my bounds as a friend.

It's not about the money we make
It's about the passions that we ache for
What makes your heart beat faster
Tell me now what does your body long after

I don't care now where we live
It's not where, or what, or who we were with
I just need you in my life
So promise me again

Whoa oh, yeah-ah
Whoa oh, yeah-ah
Whoa oh

That song was my promise to her, telling her that I was never ever going to hurt her again and that I needed her. As long as I had that, nothing and no one else mattered.

The song closed and everyone cheered, except Spencer who merely sat and shook her head laughing at some inner revelation. I might have taken offence if it had not been for her laughter that intoxicated me beyond any kind of applause. Eventually I made my way offstage and to the backstage area with a feeling of euphoria due somewhat to a successful show but mostly to a beautiful blonde.

I'm gonna be truthful here, this chapter was kind of just a set up for next chapter. Which I'm rather excited for because it is one of my favorite Anberlin songs and I've already got a few lines running through my head that will be perfect for it. Anyhow, please review.