Note: Here I am being a bit more 'liberal' about my fast-talking ability... some of it is fairly outrageous, but as for the rest... well, as the quote goes, "There is no lie so effective as an artfully told truth."

Unexpected Results, Part X

Abel: "Johanna, you realize that you've just jumped headfirst into a world of trouble. Where exactly are you FROM?"

Me: "Currently, Phoenix. Before that, New York."

Abel: "But the United States doesn't exist anymore!"

Me: "WHAT?!"

Guard: "Is something wrong?"

Me: "Oh, n-no, just hearing from Father Abel about Father Wordsworth's bio-electric whatsit that'd you mentioned. Didn't realize he'd knocked out the Iron Maiden's radar with it..."

Abel: "What are we going to do? Security is going to have to know where you're from, and they will make inquiries."

Me: "Can't I just be a travelling nun? Go wherever I'm needed?"

Abel: "But you still have to be from somewhere!"

Me: "Too late, we're here..."

Guard: "Now, Sister, if you'll please have a seat over here."

Security tech: "Full name?"

Abel: "Here we go..."

Me: "Johanna Sorina Sinclair."

Security tech: "Sorina? That sounds Russian."

Me: "It is. My mother's family comes from all over Eastern Europe."

Security tech: "Date of birth?"

Me: "April 3rd, 3328."

Security tech: "Place of birth?"

Me: "On a dig in what used to be Jordan."

Security tech: "A dig?"

Me: "Both my parents were scholars, archaelogists, completely bent on learning about the past. Not just pre-Armageddon, I mean ancient stuff. And giving birth on a dig was NOT an incident my mother ever cared to repeat, she said."

Security tech: "Where were you raised?"

Me: "Londinium, primarily. Spent some time in the Franc Kingdom, some time in Alta, then visiting Byzantium... It's fascinating there, have you ever seen it?"

Security tech: "N-no, I can't say that I have."

Me: "The authorities in the Empire probably have a copy of my birth records."

Guard: "Unfortunately, they're not often too cooperative with the Vatican over there."

Me: "Politics never were my strong point."

Security tech: "And your family has no ties to the Empire?"

Me: "As in whether or not my family comes from that region, or whether or not my family are vampire sympathizers?"

Security tech: "Um, the latter."

Me: "No."

Security tech: "You're certain?"

Me: "Well, I don't speak to my family. They disagree with how I pursued my religious beliefs. And I just got so tired of fighting with them over it, I hate how small-minded and rigid some people can be."

Security tech: "Now, I see that Father Nightroad entered your information in the AX network."

Abel: "Per orders from Cardinal Sforza."

Security tech: "Her specific duties, so we can define proper access?"

Abel: "Cardinal Caterina has concerns about the AX computer systems' security, what with the recent demonstration by the Fleurs du Mal hijacking the Tristan. Sister Johanna is to collaborate with myself and Father Wordsworth in assessing the AX security systems, then submitting the results of her findings to the Cardinal."

Security tech: "Well, we can certainly provide her with top access to the AX branch of the network, but the other departments will be off-limits, Sister. I apologize."

Me: "Why? Isn't the primary goal the overall security of the Vatican network?"

Guard: "Well..."

Me: "I'll tell you what. Once I get done with my findings, and her Eminence has had a chance to review them, she can arrange a meeting with the other departments to see how many of these steps can be implemented across the other systems."

Security tech: "That might be more acceptable."

Me: "And I'm sure with what I provide, they'll be able to plug up any other security leaks on their own."

Guard: "Security leaks?"

Me: "They're inevitable. There's always ONE person who thinks the rules don't apply to him or her, or that ONE quick work-around is okay when you're on a tight schedule... it's not always meant to be a security risk, but..."

Guard: "I see..."

Me: "Just to be on the safe side, would you mind giving me the names of a few other people who do the same thing I do in the other departments? They might know a few tips and tricks for isolating the AX systems from the rest of the Vatican network."

Guard: "I'll have to speak with the other departments, but I don't foresee that being a problem."

Security tech: "Now, let's get your ID card taken care of... first we'll need a photograph... if you'll just step over here."

Me: "Oh, I always look awful in photos..."

Abel: "Trust me, Johanna, everyone looks awful in these."

Security tech: "Head up... eyes right here... good."

Abel: "Actually, yours came out nicely. My glasses always catch the glare."

Security tech: "And we'll need to take your fingerprints and a retinal scan."

Me: "Will it hurt?"

Abel: "Taking fingerprints is hardly a painful experience."

Me: "I meant the retinal scan, Father Nightroad..."

Abel: "Oh... no. You'll barely feel it."

Security tech: "Left hand... good... then right hand... Now if you'll place your forehead against this, don't blink... there."

Me: "I'm sorry to have to disrupt things by coming down here like this."

Guard: "Don't worry, we're grateful that you've been so cooperative."

Security tech: "Oh, and Sister? One more thing for our records..."

Me: "Yes?"

Security tech: "Where did you take your vows?"

Abel: "Oh, no..."

Me: "Santa Cecilia in Trastevere. Ci saranno niente altro?" Will there be anything else?

Security tech: "N-no, thank you."

Me: "Siete benvenuti." You're welcome. "Father Nightroad?"

Abel: "W-w-what? Oh, yes, of course, Sister. We should go."

To be continued...