AN:
I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, that you're still with me. I know it took so long but this is the reason for it. You read those emails right. There are two shiny new chapters awaiting you. We are kicking off Part 2 with a double chapter update! Yey! I'll leave a longer AN at the end of the next chapter. And I would also like to extend my sincerest thanks to the amazing Ro Nordmann for creating a banner and a cover for Mockings Hall!
Lastly, the chapters would not have been polished to its present state if it weren't for my fantastic beta, Katnissinme. It is with deepest gratitude that I express my thanks to her.
Enjoy!
Mockings Hall
Chapter 10
Alternate Title: The Final Pearl
Katniss awoke to a painful crick in her neck. Her face was pressed against a scratchy material that rested against a hard surface, hardly the billowy down of pillows she was now accustomed to sleeping on in the palace. She thought this odd. She did not remember falling asleep, much less retiring to her bed. She wondered now if Peeta had carried her.
The next sensation she felt was a parched throat. She struggled to clear it when a nauseous feeling sprouted from her stomach as though it had been pulled inside out. This was not to be a pleasant morning, she thought grumpily, as Katniss never remembered waking up so painfully.
Without opening her eyes, Katniss tested her limbs. They felt fine, except for the tiredness that emanated from her muscles as well as from her back. What had she done that she felt so tired, she thought.
Her eyes finally opened and her sight rested on the faint glow of the streetlamp outside the window, hazy against the light drops of rain. The sky outside was still dark, though the lightness of dawn approached and with it, an early shower of rain so common in the season.
I must have left the blinds open, she thought absentmindedly, as she swiveled her head to stretch her neck.
Blinds. The palace did not have blinds. They were two elements that did not go together. As the fog of sleep left her, her mind started to whizz rapidly, sprinting ahead of her body which was still waking up.
She pulled her head up and found that she awoke resting on the rug in her bedroom.
She was in her bedroom in her house, not at the palace, looking at the smattering of dust between the stubby legs of her bedside table. Pulling her view upwards, the framed photographs atop the nightstand shined merrily underneath the light of the vintage lamp she fought Prim over in a flea market.
Katniss scuttled to get up, looking around her room, the sensation sending jolts of queasiness through her. She decided against standing, for the meantime. The smell of bacon wafted through the room from the crack in her door. The sight of her bedroom was familiar yet disorienting. Very disorienting.
Had everything been a dream? The bangle on her arm and the coldness of the locket against her throat certainly suggested otherwise.
Then it all came rushing back. The reason she was here, in her world. The voice of the fairy. Her quest.
She had to find the final pearl.
Katniss bent her legs to rest on her knees first before standing up. She retrieved her robe that hung from her door to cover her nakedness, an unfortunate effect of crossing the two worlds.
She put her hand against the wall to steady herself as her limbs were still uncoordinated from sleep. As she felt her muscles regain their strength, she tried to remember that first night when she had read the locket's inscription and had been initially transported to Panem.
Immediately she looked around her room for that small, dark box. It was not on the floor. It was not on her bedside table either. She huffed the hair that had fallen into her eyes as she sat on the bed, perplexed.
Katniss looked down at the bangle again. The three pearls rested innocuously, a betrayal of the cost it took to retrieve them. Three pearls whose search had occupied her for weeks in Panem. She remembered the perilousness too clearly, felt as though the sirens still breathed down her neck, as though Peeta's double still had his hands around her throat, as though the soldiers of the Thirteenth Kingdom still hounded her and Peeta. Yet those were not the only dangers that Panem harbored. Yet sitting here, in her unmade bed with her schoolbooks still strewn haphazardly around, Panem seemed such a distant existence. The bangle and the necklace served as her only tangible link to the world she could only conjure in her mind's eye now.
She closed her eyes and recalled the night the locket had changed her life. A sudden inspiration struck her. She bent her head and peeked under her bed, lifting the covers. Her eyes adjusted to the dark view and her head felt heavy from the rush of blood.
There it was though, that little box that had the best chance of containing the pearl. Katniss crawled down from her bed and retrieved it, her arm gliding across the thin film of dust.
She opened the box and the frayed velvet pillow the locket rested against was empty. She lifted this. There, at the corner of the base, was the final pearl. She rolled it between her fingers, relief coursing through her at the accomplishment. When she had placed this in the bangle, the line of pearls complete, Katniss was about to open her locket when another thought birthed itself in her mind.
Her family.
Her Aunt Effie and Prim.
What must they have thought of her disappearance?
But she had a quest, a responsibility, a duty to fulfill. She had not the time to think of sentiments now.
As though to test her judgment, a loud thud dully echoed from the wall of her sister's room. Before she went back, she had to know this one thing, that her family was all right.
Thoughts of how to assuage their worry filled her mind as she crossed the hallway to Prim's room. When she opened the door, Prim was currently in a tangle of blanket and pillows, one leg twisted in the heavy fabric while her body slid in an awkward angle toward the floor, still fast asleep, still snoring softly. Katniss smiled at the scene before her. It always amused her how her sister could sleep like this.
She strode to her sister's bed and slowly lifted Prim's body, which happily gave all its weight to her leaden arms. When she had restored Prim to a more comfortable position, Katniss swept the bangs that fell on her sister's face.
She could not resist. Katniss prodded Prim awake.
She shook her sister a bit more forcefully after a few tries. "Prim," she said. Then her sister started to grunt and wrinkle her forehead.
"Prim, wake up," Katniss added.
Prim groaned.
"Prim get up, I need to ask you something," Katniss said again.
Her sister turned to face her and her forehead folded toward the center in dismay.
"How long was I gone, Prim?" Katniss whispered worriedly. "Is Aunt Effie okay?"
Prim blinked awake, the annoyance clouding her eyes. Katniss forgot how cranky her sister could get in the mornings if she was not woken up gingerly.
So she reached out and hugged her sister tight. "I missed you," she croaked.
When Katniss pulled back, Prim was looking funnily at her.
"Katniss. What are you talking about?" Prim whined, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
"I was away, wasn't I? How long was I gone? Did you call Madge? How did Aunt Effie take it?" Katniss asked in near hysterics.
Prim tucked her chin down as she regarded Katniss beadily. She took a deep breath and sat up to rest back on her elbows.
"Are you on drugs?" her sister blurted out incredulously.
"What?" It was Katniss' turn to be dismayed as she sat back.
Prim yawned. "You heard me. You're acting all weird."
"No, I'm not on drugs—"
"'Cause if you are, I totally won't tell Aunt Effie," her sister said, coming up to sit and slouch over her pale yellow comforter.
"Primrose!"
Her sister sighed. "What do you want Katniss? I didn't sleep so much because I finished my Statistics homework by myself because someone didn't finish helping me with it last night." Prim crossed her arms and looked grumpy.
"What do you mean last night?" Katniss was confused.
"You told me right after dinner that you would help me with my homework, you did, but then you never came out of your room again after asking Aunt Effie about that locket."
Katniss sucked in a breath.
No, she thought in stunned disbelief.
No, she thought again. She was looking at the print of her sister's pillowcase as she tried to comprehend what had happened, her eyes straining.
"Is something wrong?" her sister asked. "'Cause you're acting really weird, way more than usual."
She ignored Prim as she was temporarily robbed of breath.
She was sure she spent weeks, perhaps a month or two even, in Panem. But it had only been a few hours here, in her world, it seemed.
Katniss looked at her sister again, who was still waiting for her reply. Prim's lack of worry about her "disappearance" was disconcerting. She was expecting an entirely different scenario. At that instant, she was bursting with her tale and wanted so badly to tell Prim everything. She wanted to tell her sister of that locket and the magical forest she woke up in, of the world, that dangerous, enchanting world she was sure she had been in, of her role as the Mockingjay, of her quest, the pearls, and the tragedies she had seen.
But looking at her sister's sleepy blue eyes, she found that she couldn't. How would her sister believe her? How would she prove her tale?
She bit back the words and just looked at Prim, swallowing her story and feeling an invisible wall divide them, as wide as the one between her world and Peeta's. Even as her breathing calmed, Katniss had never felt more alone.
When she didn't reply, Prim groaned, clearly unhappy at being awoken, then rolled her eyes and shifted to get back to bed. "Whatever. Now if you don't mind, I would like to snooze for five more minutes before—"
Then the door creaked and their Aunt Effie poked her blonde head in. "Oh good, you're both awake. Time to get up! I have an early meeting today and I couldn't get Leela's mother to take you to school." Then the door closed and she heard Prim hiss, annoyed. She watched as Prim tried to shut her eyes and snatch some last precious moments of sleep.
Katniss was still in a daze when Aunt Effie stormed back to the room after a few minutes and pulled Prim's duvet back before going out the door, her sister complaining loudly of the cold's intrusion. Their aunt reminded them from outside the door as she went down the stairs that one of them should start showering already. The banality of daily life contrasted heavily against the turbulent thoughts in Katniss' mind.
She mumbled to Prim out of habit as she went out of the room that she should go first since her sister always moved so slowly.
Katniss shut the door of her room and locked it.
She could go back now, should go back now. She knew she had to move with urgency. If time moved differently, and if weeks and months could pass in Panem when only hours had expired in her world, then how long had she already been missing from the other world?
Her thoughts immediately went to Peeta and to what he faced alone. She also remembered the immediacy of the soldiers wanting to kill them, their driving force being mere orders from the superiors. She recalled the frigid aloofness of the Chancellor. The faces of Ministers Heavensbee and Crane.
Curiously, they made her hesitate as her hand drew back from reaching for the locket.
Now that she was separated from Panem, her sensible side went into overdrive. She was protected now from the dangers of Panem. She was safe in her world, it reasoned. There were no supernatural beings to harm her or treacherous eyes to bore into her, filled with plots of danger. Why should she go back, her sensible side whispered? Why should she intentionally place herself in the path of destruction as Panem was consumed by war? She could very well die there. Then what would her family do? The voice continued, strumming her fears until the melody surrounded her and drowned out other reasons. It gave her reason to pause, to ponder things over and over. It invited doubt in. It summoned reality back. She was merely a high school student here, preparing for college, and after that a career. Her whole life need not be endangered if she never returned again. Besides, said the voice, she had already been seen. What would her family think if she suddenly disappeared?
All these burning thoughts, fueled by reason and sensibility, clashed against the voice that screamed at her to go back. What about her duty? What about the people who relied on her? She felt as though her head was splitting apart and she only wanted to stand in the middle, undecided, taking time to fully think things through first.
Nothing wrong with that, she thought. It's perfectly normal and rational.
But as she recounted the reasons for not going back, and pitted them against all the reasons she should, Katniss found herself in a stalemate.
She found that indecision was a fog that slithered on, until it had covered her and rendered her paralyzed.
Katniss was unsettled. The seconds ticked by, then the minutes. The smell of Aunt Effie's breakfast wafted through the air and she had not made a decision on where to take that next step forward.
Then an idea hit her. There could be a compromise between the two factions in her head. If months could go by in Panem while only hours ticked by here, then her best chance to satisfy her desire to be in both worlds would be to go to school and read the incantation somewhere secluded, like in an empty restroom. It would give her enough time to fulfill her duty as the Mockingjay in Panem (hopefully) without alarming her family with her prolonged disappearance.
There. Problem solved.
Katniss was finally able to exhale in relief.
As she prepared for school, wearing her uniform, and even cheerily eating breakfast while a sleep-deprived Prim remained sullen, Katniss felt as though her plan was the best way to go. She could very well be back before Aunt Effie picked them up later.
Just as a precaution though, she told Aunt Effie that she'd be riding home with Madge, in case she needed more time.
Yet as she rode in the car and the white stone structure of St. Gertrude's School loomed nearer and she saw her classmates being dropped off, as she traced the locket's outline atop her school's white blouse, Katniss had a nagging thought.
What about Peeta?
She bounded out of the car the second Aunt Effie finished her reminders for them. Katniss went up the steps, past the double wooden doors, and turned right, her leather shoes clacking on the tiled marble floors. The restroom stalls were empty, thankfully. The first bell would ring in twenty minutes and she never had a fondness for Calculus anyway so for her, she would not be missing much.
The thought of Peeta filled her head once more. What would he do then, if she came back to her world and left him again? What about what they shared? How she felt?
She closed the door to a stall and flipped the toilet cover down so she could sit and think. Her rational side sprang into action without hesitation. It didn't make sense to exchange her whole life, everything she had known, for a boy, it said.
By this time, Katniss was already mentally worn-out. She quieted the voices in her head as she fished the locket out of her blouse. She would figure out what to do about Peeta when she was in Panem. The more important thing to do now was to go back.
She took a deep breath and flipped the locket open, praying that no student would come in lest they hear her scream if the locket insisted on transporting her in pain once more. She could still vividly remember the light and the burning sensation of the locket.
Katniss looked down at the locket. The sunlight from the windows allowed her to see the inscription perfectly, her breath fogging up the cool metal.
It was time.
She read the inscription shakily, her voice still raspy from the morning.
As she finished the last syllable, she closed her eyes and prepared for the blinding light and the pain.
Nothing came. Nothing happened.
Katniss read the inscription once more. Nothing still.
She tried again and again, until the morning bell rang, signaling the start of classes.
Katniss felt desperate. How could this happen? What should she do now?
She read the inscription one more time, hoping furiously for that light to bring her back to Panem.
Nothing.
In a daze, Katniss opened the stall and walked toward her class. Calculus waited for her, but she was too distracted by still being in this world to even care.
What had I done wrong? she thought. She did nothing differently from last time, and yet she was still here.
The teacher droned on and on about limits and derivatives as a review for their exams, but Katniss paid him no mind.
She had found the pearls, she had read the inscription, she had completed the task set out by the fairy, so what was missing?
Frustrated, she looked out the window and into the expansive field of the school, where the small lake shined like a mirror in the morning. The view reminded her of the lake she and Peeta had swum in as they escaped soldiers hounding them.
Peeta.
Her thoughts swayed to the golden prince again.
Katniss felt ashamed at how she had cast Peeta aside, even in thoughts. She felt it sear her painfully. The prince had been nothing but caring and protective of her, and loving, she added guiltily, remembering his proposal.
But her thoughts extended beyond her prince. It was back again to Panem, to the plotting and intrigue and politics and greed, to the other players in the cruel and deadly game whose rules she would never know and never play by. She thought of Lord Hawthorne and wondered how he fared in his dangerous task in the Thirteenth Kingdom. She thought of Lord Abernathy and his shrewd mind and wanted to know if he had been able to persuade the King about the war. She thought of Peeta's grieving father. She thought of the other people she had met, like Prince Finnick and Prince Gloss, questioning if they were still alive or if they had been crushed by the war.
Yet her thoughts always circled back to Peeta, and what he had said last before she left. His proposal occupied her mind.
Katniss now wanted to kick herself for not reciprocating, for not even saying how she felt in return. She was so shocked at the time, and indeed it felt fast, but it did not diminish or make false what she felt. But once again, her rational self had an excuse. It was better this way, it said, for if she had fulfilled her duty as the Mockingjay, there was no certainty which world she would stay in. Panem was not her world, it whispered. She was only saving herself the hurt. But Katniss knew that it may already be too late for her.
Of course, as she steadily ignored the Calculus review going on around her, Katniss's mind whizzed to the next important thing to consider, one of the reasons Peeta proposed in the first place: the security of the line of succession.
At once, she felt despair. What if she returned and Peeta was already married, if the king had forced some buxom princess or lady to Peeta so they could produce heirs?
Her mind was considering the worst scenarios possible. Could she still face Peeta with a wife at his side? Possibly a pregnant princess, when it could have narrowly been her?
There was a dull ache in her chest when she thought of this, and an inexplicable anger at the faceless woman who might steal Peeta from her. Because Peeta proposed to her, because his feelings for her superseded any he may feel for some noblewoman. She thought of the other ladies at the Unification Ball who eyed Peeta with barely-concealed interest and appreciation through their fluttering eyelashes and coy smiles. They reeked of schemes and pretension, and in her mind she was clawing at their hazy images.
The thought of Peeta marrying someone powdered and frilly and simpering, of saying the words he had said to her during his proposal to another woman, weighed her down until the bell rang for lunch.
The lamb with couscous would not lift her mood as she took her tray dejectedly, not returning the smile the friendly lunch lady gave her as she handed her the steaming plate. She even passed on the pastel-colored macarons by the dessert station. Madge made sure to get some for her and shared with her as they reached their usual table.
Katniss moved her couscous around her plate with her fork, appetite gone. The chatter of her friends and classmates pattered around her and she moved mechanically to put the food in her mouth and chew and swallow. Madge kept giving her worried glances throughout lunch as she chatted amiably with Georgia and Severine.
The afternoon classes also wore on and Katniss still felt morose. Everything she thought about, her failed return to Panem and her preoccupation with the prince, weighed her down.
Finally, when the last bell rang, Katniss prepared to leave, but Madge reminded her of the school play rehearsals scheduled for that afternoon. She had forgotten, after spending months in Panem, and it seemed so trivial to her. It could be a good time to think more about the pearl's puzzle, though. She had to stop thinking of Peeta.
As the class trooped toward the field where the other seniors were practicing, Katniss made sure to volunteer for the art team who would be responsible for the backdrops and other props. It would afford her more time to think. She disliked singing in front of people anyway.
She sent a quick text to Aunt Effie that she would indeed be late getting home.
The more the clock ticked by, the more Katniss became tense. This was a situation fraught with many complications. It was difficult to think here in the school grounds, too, what with her classmates yelling and singing and practicing at the same time. When the glue for the paper mache clouds and trees had to dry (their group was assigned The Sound of Music), Katniss fibbed to Sapphire, their self-appointed leader, that she was needed for the Archery Team this afternoon. Before her classmate could object, Katniss ran up the small hill overlooking the grounds where the targets had been set-up, winking conspiratorially at Madge who was stuck playing a T-Bird in her group's rendition of Grease.
No one was there at the summit of the hill, and she was glad for it. She had the big shady tree to herself to think, no one to accompany her but the wind and the leaves.
Katniss carefully took out the locket again. It felt warm from the heat of her chest. She sighed again as she opened the locket, the inscription shining in the late afternoon sun. It would have been half a day already since she had returned.
She pushed back the sleeves of her blazer to reveal the bangle.
As she stared at the pearls, she remembered the last thing the fairy told her of the final pearl.
You need to do this alone, Mockingjay.
The words repeated in her head, a loop that led to a chain of recurring thoughts and guesses.
You need to do this alone, Mockingjay.
You need to do this alone, Mockingjay.
Alone, Mockingjay.
And that was when she knew, when she finally understood. She had to do this alone. She had to let go of her ties to this world. Her heart was not fully devoted to being the Mockingjay as she struggled to find a middle ground, thinking of how she could straddle both worlds. Now she knew: she had to commit to this fully.
Being the Mockingjay, she thought too, was now more than a duty. She was chosen for this, however ill-fitting and ill-prepared for the role she thought she was. It was now her destiny. Despite the dangers, she could not walk away from those who depended on the Mockingjay to save them, the whole Twelfth Kingdom. To abandon her destiny would mean that the deaths of Cicero, the soldier who had sacrificed himself at the Sirens' lair, and Prince Aldran, would be purposeless. No, she had a greater sense of what must be done.
It was a heavy choice to make as it sunk into her. She looked at her classmates from afar, teasing and screaming and laughing. She thought of her family, her sister and her aunt, unknowing that they would say goodbye to her soon. But she needed to do this.
She had decided.
Katniss' thoughts drifted to what Priestess Sae said about the Mockingjay having a weapon. Her eyes flitted toward the rack that held the bows and the big vase that housed the quivers of arrows. Whatever her weapon would be, she figured honing her skills where she already excelled would not hurt.
Katniss felt calmer now, as her acceptance swept over her, and she walked over to the rack of bows and vase of quivers. Everything in her world suddenly seemed brighter, more poignant. She had never noticed how beautiful the light bounced from her school's white stone, or how the sprawling grounds were always a serene state of green, even in winter.
She picked up one of the compound bows and nocked an arrow in place. Katniss appraised her target, stepped back, and aimed. She released the arrow with her breath, watching it slice through the air tautly before landing on the outer perimeter of her target.
Katniss sighed, but she didn't give up. Instead, she worked and worked until her aim was like that from before. She found the rhythm hypnotic. Every arrow she fired was for something she left behind in Panem. She imagined the faces of Ministers Crane and Heavensbee. She remembered the cruel smile of Chancellor Snow. She thought of Prince Aldran's murderer. Her arrows started flying through to the center.
She hit the center of her target twice more before Madge came up to her.
Katniss looked at her closest friend, who was panting slightly as she tread the uphill slope toward her.
"Done singing?" Katniss taunted as she nocked another arrow.
"You're unfair, you horrible liar," her friend accused, looking around and seeing her alone. Katniss chuckled.
"Well, then you shouldn't have quit the Lacrosse team so you would still have an excuse," Katniss replied as she aimed. She stilled her breath. She fired.
The arrow plunged into the heart of the red circle.
Madge launched into applause as Katniss curtseyed. She and Madge always had an easy friendship ever since they had met back in second grade over a lost eraser, the type that was fancy and scented, fancy enough to be fought over. It squeezed her heart but she knew she had to start her farewells for her decision to work.
"I'm gonna miss this," Katniss blurted out. Madge stopped and turned to her with a puzzled expression.
"I mean, when we all go to college. It'll never be the same, right?" She had to phrase her sentiments more carefully, vaguely. College was a good euphemism for Panem. Katniss started rearranging the bow and arrows, pulling out the ones she sent flying to the target.
Madge rolled her eyes. "What, like I can't drive to your house on the weekends?"
"What if it's across the country?" Katniss retorted as she walked to where Madge stood.
"There's no internet or cell reception where you'll be?"
And Katniss let out a laugh at that one. "You never know," she said. They walked down the hill together toward their class who was still practicing by the lake.
"Oh, don't forget, we have Casino Night on Friday. That should be something to look forward to, since you always sweep the Baccarat table," Madge added. Katniss only nodded but did not verbally affirm. The future was not very certain now.
Then her friend ran back to her group, leaving Katniss alone to walk to hers.
As she did, she committed this afternoon to memory, the faint rush of the wind, the soft heat of the sun, even the idle, random gossips of her classmates. It was a looping series of images to remember her friends by.
She knew she would do the same later with her family. This was the only way she could go back to Panem.
When Madge had dropped her off at her house, Katniss already knew what to tell Aunt Effie to mask her absence temporarily when she went back to Panem.
She opened the door to find a tense Aunt Effie talking to someone on the phone while pacing around their living room. They blew air kisses to greet one another, which she found amusing at times. Her stomach grumbled, both from hunger and from anticipation for what she had to do. She decided to calm it with some food.
So it was to her great dismay that when she opened the fridge she was greeted with bottles upon bottles of bright juices.
"What are these?" she muttered.
"Oh, you found them," Prim said as she entered and walked toward the cupboard and took out a box of cereal. "Aunt Effie's trying this juice cleanse before she recommends it to her brides."
"Are these all for her?" Katniss asked as she plucked a bottle containing green juice. The contents clouded at the bottom but billowed toward the top when she moved the bottle, the murky green very unappetizing. Wrinkling her nose as she returned the bottle, she admitted that she would miss her aunt's quirks, too. Katniss' stomach felt queasy again. The sight of the bottles made her lose her appetite, though.
"No," Prim said, guarded. "Some are for me."
"What do you need these for?" Katniss asked incredulously. Prim then launched into a whole explanation of the importance of cleansing. It was like spring-cleaning for the body, her sister said.
Katniss sighed and shook her head. She had to at least correct this before she left.
"Primrose, you're fourteen. You don't need to diet," she said, seeing right through her sister's zen diet spiel.
Then her sister's shoulders sagged. "But I hate my body. I hate my nose. I hate my hips. When will my breasts arrive?"
Katniss looked at her sister with a faint smile, remembering the same sentiments she had when she was Prim's age. The guilt of leaving her family burrowed more, but she fought this.
"Have your classmates been bullying you?" Katniss asked, eyeing Prim thoughtfully.
"No—"
"'Cause you can tell me if they are and I can send them scurrying with my arrows—"
"Oh god, no, please."
"All you have to do is say the word."
"You're so violent, Katniss." Prim muttered.
"Of course not. I'm just the only one allowed to pick on you," she said, flicking Prim's chin upwards with her forefinger before going out the kitchen.
When she reached halfway up the stairs, Prim called to her from the bottom. "So is now a good time to tell you that I ruined your bag?"
Katniss stopped and turned, "Which one?"
"The evening bag, the slouchy black one with glass beads."
Katniss sighed. That was her favorite one, and it was a gift from Madge. She grunted and turned back to trudging up the stairs. Even if she was mildly upset over the bag, she was at least grateful that she could still interact with Prim normally, despite the burden of the secret she carried.
Prim called out to her, before she shut her door, that she was the best sister in the world.
Her uneasiness was building again as she sat alone in her room.
Katniss straightened one photo frame by her bedside that had toppled down. It was a shiny silver one, with blue pompoms made of yarn on one side, and was Prim's fifth grade art project. The photo inside was when she, Prim, and Aunt Effie first went to the school fair together as a new family. It was one of her fondest yet most bittersweet memories. The pain of losing her parents still thudded dully in her chest at that time, but with it was the hope of a new start, that they had a safety net with their aunt.
All the remembrance was not making her decision any easier.
But then, she thought, everyone said goodbyes everyday when they parted, whether for work or school. What made it unburdened was the assurance of seeing one another again. Yet she knew that with her goodbye later, that certainty would be taken from her. She couldn't know what awaited her in Panem when she went back.
It was a crushing thought, and she had never felt more alone. She knew she needed to give her family a more concrete sendoff. Perhaps a letter would be appropriate.
A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts and it was Prim telling her it was time for dinner.
A strong aroma of spices like cumin and paprika wafted through the air as she exited her room. It became stronger as she went down the stairs, but it was oddly coming from the living room.
There, by the coffee table, was a feast of Persian take out.
"Sorry, sweetie, I didn't have time to cook," Aunt Effie said as she turned to her, coming up from kneeling by the table. Prim was in the process of extracting the koftas from their cardboard boxes.
"But I thought we could use some take-out tonight and just relax and watch something. What do you say?" Aunt Effie asked with a big smile.
Katniss looked at the spread. There was saffron rice dotted with pine nuts and plump raisins, hummus, that parsley salad Prim loved, and tubs of that white garlic sauce she drenched her kebabs in.
"Cool. I'm starving," she said casually.
As she sat down on the big fluffy pillow on the ground and served herself some saffron rice, she turned to her aunt. "You're not feasting tonight because you're going on that juice diet tomorrow, are you? 'Cause you barely survived the lemonade one."
"It's not a diet, it's a cleanse," Prim piped up.
"If you don't feed yourself enough then it's a diet," Katniss retorted.
"Okay, enough you two," Aunt Effie said as she fiddled with the remote. Then the TV sprung to life with the opening credits of their favorite sitcom.
Katniss shook her head and smiled to herself as she filled her plate with the kebab and hummus.
They laughed and feasted, and even Katniss found herself in the moment, not thinking of anything else but the humor that made her stomach hurt and her usually reserved aunt break out in giggles.
When they finished dinner, Aunt Effie went to the kitchen and brought out an apricot and almond cream tart for them to share. Katniss had seconds, and even scraped the almond cream from the crust. It was so good, with hints of vanilla and rum.
She felt her aunt smiling at her. "I knew you'd like this."
Katniss smiled back and took yet another slice of the tart. "Oh Katniss, I'm going to miss you when you go off to college," her aunt said, voice cracking at the end. "It won't be the same without you."
She almost choked on her tart.
That was supposed to be her spiel, but she was glad she did not have to stall anymore.
"But I can't stay in high school forever," she said jokingly and took another bite.
"Oh, I know," her aunt sighed.
"I won't forget you, you know. And besides, there's always video call and chat and whatever. Pretty soon you'll be sick of me calling you," she added in what she hoped was an unassuming tone. She could not afford for her voice to break.
Katniss finished her tart, even though her emotions filled her stomach uncomfortably. She knew it was time and she could not hold off any longer. A swift, vague goodbye was better than nothing, though this was more for her sake. She also sought their forgiveness mentally, for leaving them so abruptly, as her decision overshadowed her familial love. It was a much heavier force that swayed the favor toward returning to Panem, and that was what she could not fight against.
The words tumbled out of her mouth as though she was not the one speaking. She asked Aunt Effie if she could go to Madge's tonight to finish a Physics project that was giving them trouble, saying she could hitch a ride to school tomorrow with her friend.
Her aunt happily gave her permission and she excused herself to fix her things.
Katniss slowly went up to her room, again memorizing her home and all the quaint décor her aunt had been filling it up with. She realized she did like the mismatched theme her aunt had going. Her younger self had not approved before, but it did not matter much now. Every corner of the home held a memory, and she made sure that these would never leave her mind. Her eyes lingered over photos. Her hands touched the smooth metal banister slowly. The last photo she saw, near the top of the stairs, was the one of her family, where her parents smiled happily back at the camera and a younger, more carefree pair of sisters grinned from their parents' embrace.
She closed the door to her room slowly. She picked up her school bag and stuffed it with random books and clothes. She made a show of saying goodbye and going out the door, but snuck back into her room through the trellis by the back part of their house.
Katniss took out her notebook and opened it to a blank page. Before she went back to Panem, as she had decided earlier, she had to at least explain why she was gone. She wrote a letter to her sister.
Dear Prim,
Since you're reading this, it means that you're searching for me because I have not come back.
Remember the locket? You asked me one morning why I was acting weird. The locket is the reason. It's a portal to another world.
Now don't tear this letter!
I'm not crazy and maybe someday I can tell you everything. You can't find me because I'm in its world. It's just like the fairy tales we had as kids. They're real: the magic, the splendor, and even the darkness.
But don't worry for me, I'm safe.
I love you and I'll see you again. In the meantime, try not to give Aunt Effie too much grief, ok?
Love,
Katniss
She tore the page from her notebook, folded the paper, and placed it by her pillow.
Katniss stood in the middle of her room and stared at the locket. She had done what the fairy had told her, she had accepted the responsibility to do her duty alone.
She opened the locket, just as the laughter of her sister and her aunt from downstairs tugged at her resolve once more.
Katniss steeled herself, bent her head down, and read the inscription in a clear voice.
She closed her eyes as she felt the light engulf her, bringing her back to Panem, to her destiny.
AN:
Care to leave me some thoughts, pretty please? This chapter gave me lots of troubles so I'm anxious to know what you guys think :D