A/N: Well wow 3665 words, and thats with out notes, making this the longest chapter i have EVER written ). Hope you enjoy it guys, with the way things are goin it could be some time before i get to write anything for this story for a while.
And finally Review notes
silverstri: Well sorry i didnt update sooner but i hope this chapter makes up for it. I am really please you think Natsuki is really in character, im workin really hard to make it so
shamnic demonator: Im really glad you think so : )
uwiechan: Well plenty of shizuru in this chapter for you : ) and a long chapter at that. Hee hee i dont think any of us will ever be able to take shizuru's mind off natsuki (points like evil monkey from family guy at all the Shizuru/nao fics) but good luck hee hee tho i pray for you if natsuki finds out
rainee-chan: I see you posted a story i havent been able to read it yet since im trying to get alot of ideas out right now and my time is limited but i will, hope you enjoy this chapter and as always THANK you for doing my omake's for me
EisWulf: I always feel sorry for them...
without further ado, the long awaited chapter that actually gets the story moving and FINALLY has our two favorites in it
ssjxsquall
Shizuru wasn't sure how she did it, but for the first time in days she was up and about in her apartment. It had taken all her willpower to push her self up from the bed that afternoon, and once she was standing she couldn't believe she made it up.
Her apartment was in complete darkness except for weak rays of light shining through the blinds in her bedroom window. She sighed slightly and began to stretch looking around her bedroom as if seeing it for the first time.
The fact is Shizuru had not gotten up from her bed in two weeks except to go to the bathroom and eat pitiful excuses for meals. She had found that if she ate too much she would be sick within the hour and have to make a mad dash to the bathroom to empty her stomach contents.
What she saw when she looked around her room nearly sent her back to bed. Since she had been in bed, she hadn't unpacked anything at all and the only furniture that was in her room was her bed, her night stand, and the small stool she had put next to her bed. Sitting on top of the stool was Natsuki's helmet, illuminated by the light leaking through the blinds.
Covering her mouth with her hand and catching a sob in her throat, Shizuru tore her eyes away from the helmet and ran to the bathroom. She started the water to the shower and quickly got undressed. She then jumped into the shower, not noticing that the water was still freezing cold.
She soon found her self hyperventilating and had to support her self with her arm against the wall. I can do this. I can do this…
She forced her self up and proceeded to wash her self. Her moves were done almost mechanically, practiced. Things done out of necessity rather than any form of desire to get them done.
Stepping out of the shower she caught sight of her self in the mirror. What she saw was not the Shizuru Fujino that had once been. Her hair was sticking out in different directions giving her a haggard look, dark rings had formed underneath her eyes making it look as if she hadn't had a good nights sleep in quite a while, which she thought with a grimace, she hadn't. Her skin had grown pale and she had become unhealthily thin, since her apatite had been close to non-existent.
What had changed the most though were her eyes. Once a rich red color they were now pale, and lifeless. Devoid of all emotion and feeling, they gave no hint that there was a person behind the dead irises. Shizuru almost laughed. If people claimed she wore a mask before she could only wonder what they would say now.
After drying her self she returned to her bed room, making a point to not so much as glance at the helmet sitting in the middle of the room. Searching through her closet for clothes to wear, her actions quickened with each passing second. She needed to get out of the room and away from the helmet. From her helmet.
Almost running out of the room once she was dressed she supported leaned against the wall in the hallway panting. I can't do this…
Shizuru turned so her back was against the wall and slid down to the floor her face in her hands. Why couldn't I have just died? Why couldn't she have just come back and I stayed dead? She could have been happy then. I could have stopped hurting her. A sob escaped her throat. She wouldn't have to go through this pain. I wouldn't have to go through this pain.
Tears began to stream down her cheeks. No that's not what I want. This would all be bearable if I could just see her face… Why couldn't I have been happy just being friends? Pulling her knees to her chest she buried her face between them. "Natsuki…"
Not knowing how she to do it, Shizuru managed to drag her self from the hallway and into the kitchen. Finding that her stomach start to churn when ever she thought of food she settled on just having a cup of tea.
Sitting at the table in the dining room she once again found her self staring out the nearby window. Clouds covered the sky, not the kind that promised rain; the kind that would block out the sun and make the day dreary and lifeless. It was absolutely still and stagnant outside, completely dead.
Shizuru found that her mind drifted off into nothingness as she stared out the window. How was I in bed? I'm sure the university heads are furious with me at this point; I haven't even answered the phone. They'll probably reconsider their offer to let me start early.
What she didn't want to admit to her self was that she hoped they would. She really didn't think she was capable of doing anything at this point. She was so distraught and tired. Despite the fact that she had not left her bed in weeks, she felt as if she hadn't slept at all during that period. She wanted nothing more than to just be able to curl up and die. Well there was one thing she wanted more.
The sound of glass breaking snapped Shizuru out of her thoughts and she looked down at her hand. Not realizing it she had been tightening her grip on her cup until it broke from the pressure. She just stared at the shards of glass that littered the table top and that had pierced her hand. The scalding hot tea pooled on the table under her hand, some running off the edge making dripping noises as drops fell to floor.
Shizuru just stared at this, wanting nothing more than to laugh hysterically and cry at the same time. She didn't feel anything. Not the pain of the glass in her hand. Not the burning of the hot tea that her palm down rested in. Nothing.
She would have continued to stare at the broken cup for a while longer but a knock at the door brought her to her senses. Her mind devoid of thought she made her way to the kitchen sink, pulled out the pieces of glass and quickly washed her hand. Bringing it up to eye level she saw that it was an angry red where she had burned herself, and drops of blood were beginning to form from the wounds she had just cleaned. Sighing she ran her hand under the water one more time before making her way to the front door.
Not really knowing who to expect, and not really caring about her appearance she opened it.
Mai had finally found the apartment complex Reito had told her Shizuru was staying at. I hope she's home. She thought before running to the rows of doors to find the right one. Holding the piece of paper Reito had given her in front of her as she compared the number on it to the numbers on the doors she passed.
Finally stopping in front of a door whose number looked familiar she looked back down at the paper, then back at the door again. This is it…
Sighing, she stood directly in front of the door, raised her hand and knocked. A few moments passed and… nothing. She looked back down at the paper. The number was the same as the one on the door. I hope he was right.
She raised her hand again about to knock when she heard the door opening.
"Ka- Kaichou…"
What ever Mai had been expecting, it hadn't been this. The woman in front of her was just barely recognizable as the once student council president Mai had known. Her hair was a mess, going off in different directions looking as if it hadn't been brushed in weeks. Her skin was pale and she looked thinner than Mai had ever seen anyone look.
"Tokiha-san…" It took a moment for Mai to realize that the woman had spoken. Her voice was low and it sounded tired and ragged, as if the woman barely had the energy to speak. Looking up to meet the woman's eyes Mai nearly gasped when they made eye contact.
Dark rings lined the Kaichou's tired eyes. That wasn't what made Mai gasp, it was the eyes themselves. They had a far off lost look, as if Shizuru were lost in thought. Sadness, desperation and exhaustion were hidden behind something bordering on… Mai couldn't think of the word but the woman in front of her appeared… broken.
"Would you like to come inside?" Mai was snapped from her thoughts when she realized Shizuru had spoken to her. The older girl had backed away slightly from the doorway giving Mai room to enter, a tired look on her face.
"Uh… uh sure." Mai quickly said entering the dark apartment.
Looking around she saw quite a few unpacked boxes spread through out the room. Hasn't she been here a while?
Hearing the door close behind her she turned to see Shizuru walking into the next room. "I was just having some tea, would you like some?"
"Uh… yes please." Mai quickly said following the Kaichou into the kitchen. She just couldn't get over the change of the woman in front of her. She couldn't think of anything that could cause the always elegant and beautiful woman to be in the state she was in now. It's almost like Natsu…
Mai gasped at her realization and quickly covered her mouth hoping she had not been heard. Shizuru gave no sign that she had heard Mai as she entered the kitchen.
"You may take a seat at the table; I just need to reheat the tea."
"Th…Thank you." Mai said, taking a seat at the small table. After sitting she couldn't help but notice the broken tea cup across the table. Shards of glass were strewn about and green tea was still dripping down the edge of the table.
What happened?
"Here you go Tokiha-san." Mai hadn't even realized Shizuru had entered the room until the woman placed a steaming cup of tea in front of her.
"Thank you Kaichou-sama." Mai said as Shizuru walked over the other side of the table and sat down, her own cup in her hands.
Mai blinked. Shizuru hadn't so much as glanced at the broken mess that was just a few inches from her right hand. About to comment on this Mai opened her mouth to speak but Shizuru beat her too it.
"Now, what did you come here today for Tokiha-san?" Shizuru asked, bringing her cup of tea to her lips.
"Uh… I came for…" Now that she was here Mai didn't have the slightest clue on how to approach the subject with Shizuru.
"Um, I came to ask why you left?" she quickly said, not really thinking.
Expecting some kind of tease or reaction out of the older girl Mai was shocked when Shizuru merely closed her eyes as she set down her tea cup. "I was offered a full scholarship to a nearby university. And because they felt that I was an exceptional student that I could start early; they provided me with this apartment so I could be closer to school and so I moved out here."
"Oh…" Mai said. Staring into her cup and the steam rising from it she slowly spun the cup trying to think of how to approach her real questions. Why didn't you tell anyone? Especially Natsuki...
"Um, Kaichou?" she timidly began, looking across the table.
"Yes?"
"Did… Did something happen between you and Natsuki?"
You could have heard a pin drop. The silence was so sick Mai thought she was going to suffocate in it. As soon as she had said that, it seemed like miles suddenly stretched between her and Shizuru. Walls were erected at each mile to make it even more impossible for anyone to get near.
There was no visible change in Shizuru's expression but the tension in the air was evidence that Mai had struck a chord.
"Why do you ask Tokiha-san?" Mai jumped when she heard Shizuru speak. The other woman still had her eyes closed and her head bowed slightly but Mai knew that she was not nearly as calm as she appeared.
"Be… Because Natsuki has been different lately. She has been getting in fights, and she is pushing everyone away. It's almost like…" Mai stopped trying to think of how to proceed. "Like how she was before the festival."
Shizuru visibly tensed at the mention of the festival. Mai had wanted to avoid bringing it up knowing that something serious had happened between Natsuki and her but she couldn't think of a better description.
"But its worse…" she continued. "She isn't letting anyone talk to her at all. And… And…" Mai was almost scared of the reaction this was going to bring. "I think she's hurt."
Shizuru's head snapped up immediately. "Hurt? How?" she quickly questioned, anger and fear evident in her voice and in her eyes.
Mai lowered her head afraid to meet those blood red eyes that seemed to almost glow in the semi-darkness of the dimly lit dining area.
"She came to school a few weeks ago and she was limping, like her leg was hurt. And…And her hands are always cut up now. She always has bandages over her hands and they are always red."
Mai heard as slight scraping sound and she looked up a little to see that Shizuru had her hands clenched in fists. Her knuckles were white and… What happened to her hand!? Her right hand was an angry red and blood was dripping out between the clenched fingers.
Looking up at Shizuru Mai was stunned by what she saw. There was complete desperation in woman's eyes. Fear and sadness shone through and Shizuru began to tremble. "Kaichou?"
Mai had never seen so many emotions from the woman in front of her and she had no idea as to how to react. It was like a rock had suddenly started crying I front of her; she didn't even know how to approach comforting the broken woman before her.
"Did… did you guys have a fight?"
As soon as Mai said those words all the emotion that had been leaking out from Shizuru's eyes vanished and was once again replaced by the empty dead pools she had seen when she first arrived. Her hands now laid flat on the table on either side of her tea cup.
"I left to help her. She is better off without me." Shizuru said. It sounded like she was talking to her self, trying to convince her self more than anything.
Mai stood up the chair out behind her and she nearly yelled at the woman across from her. "What! How could you do that to her?!"
Shizuru seemed to snap out of her thoughts as she looked up at Mai, her eyes still empty and dead when she spoke, "Do not presume to judge my actions Tokiha-san. You do not understand the situation."
Mai was stunned. How could she do this!? "She is torn up inside right now, out getting hurt doing god knows what and your saying it's for her own good?!" she screamed.
Shizuru took a sip from her tea unperturbed. "Please leave now Tokiha-san."
Mai stood there with her jaw open. What is wrong with her? I… I…
Frustrated Mai turned to leave but before she left she looked back at Shizuru. "You probably did the worst thing anyone could do to Natsuki, Shizuru. You left her and…" Disgusted Mai couldn't even finish. Shaking her head she left the apartment.
When she heard the door click closed, Shizuru slumped in her chair, all her walls collapsing around her. She's right. The tears were finally let lose as despair and shame set in. She leaned over on the table burying her head in her arms, not caring about the pieces of glass cutting into her skin or the now cold tea seeping into her clothes. Natsuki… I'm so sorry.
Natsuki sneezed again. She'd been sneezing for the past twenty minutes. Probably getting sick… she idly thought as she zoomed down the street.
She'd been driving around for about three hours now finding a small bit of peace on the road. Back in the days when she had been investigating her mothers death she did this a lot, finding comfort in the emptiness around her. Now though she found that not even this helped clear her head completely, fore someone kept intruding on her thoughts.
Luckily, she had been able to hold back tears each time Shizuru began to intrude on her thoughts while she was driving, but it was a constant battle to keep the other girl completely blocked out. She found that she ended up fighting the road rather than riding it to try to find the peace she once did. Challenging others to try and hit her, to try and block her path, she would always swerve around them at high speeds, cutting others off a lot closer than she ever would have before.
Already out running two cops in the past few weeks she almost wanted to have another chase her right now. Natsuki really wanted to crash badly right now. To just take a turn to fast and slide off the edge knocking out the guard railing and fall to her death. For some idiot in a car to not see her one time and side swipe her so she would just go flying and crash into the asphalt that would knock the life out of her.
She found a morbid sense of peace at thoughts of someone killing her. Anything to get rid of the burning in her chest.
"NO!!" She cried, pulling back on the throttle, trying to outrun the emotions that were starting to creep up on her. This was a common occurrence and one that had almost gotten her killed a few times already. Despite all her death wishes, Natsuki was still an exceptional rider and her instincts while on her bike were second to none. She was able to take turns at speeds no professional racer would ever think of doing. She could swerve in and out of traffic at high speeds like there was no one on the road, getting inches from other vehicles.
"Stay the fuck out of my head!" She screamed again, images of Shizuru flashing through her head. Tears began to leak out of her eyes and she growled in frustration. Seeing a red light in front of her she decided to stop.
Slamming her visor up she roughly wiped the moisture away from her eyes. "Stop! Stop damn it!" She began to beat the gas tank in front of her with her fists, willing the tears to stop falling.
Leaning over she began to bang her helmeted head against the tank. "Please… Please just stop." Finally giving up she just put all her weight over the front of her bike and broke down and cried.
"I've lost her… My best friend…" When she said this she hit her head on the bike again. "The only person who has ever really loved me, the only one who actually cared about me." She began sobbing violently.
"Of course she would move on. I hurt her to much." I completely ignored her feelings. Why am I so scared!? She growled and began pounding on the handle bars. It's not her I'm scared of, its how I feel. Everyone I have ever cared for has abandoned me. Even her.
With that she let out a long wail and fell over the front of her bike once again. Thunder rolled over head and rain drops began to fall.
Except this time it's my fault. I pushed her away. Shizuru I love you so damn much. Natsuki hadn't even noticed what she mentally said to her self. Lightning arced across the sky and the rain intensified.
A van had pulled up behind Natsuki and when the light turned green and she hadn't moved the driver hit his horn.
Hearing the horn behind her Natsuki snapped up. Normally she would have been embarrassed at being caught in such a state but right now she didn't care. Seeing that the light was green she slammed down her visor, popped the bike into first and accelerated faster than any car had ever dreamed of.
She began shivering as she drove down the narrow city streets constantly fighting the urge to break down and cry. Must… get… home…
Coming up on another intersection she heard a loud crack that sounded nothing like thunder when all of sudden something hit her in the back of the head. A sudden pain spread throughout the center of the back of her head as she was thrown headfirst over her bike onto rough asphalt in the middle of the intersection.
Her bike when flying across the road as she went skidding down in an opposite direction her leathers beginning to tear. Fighting unconsciousness it suddenly struck her how similar this was to just a few weeks ago, except this time she didn't really care what happened to her.
As her momentum carried her across the street she hit a curb which sent her flying into a nearby pole. All the air was snapped from her lungs and her vision began to go black as she slid back down to the asphalt.
Her head eye level with the street the last thing she saw before her vision finally went black were black tires of some kind of vehicle coming to a stop in front of her, the sound of screeching tires ringing in her ears.
Taking one last deep breath blackness full enveloped her world.
Shizuru…
A/N: Wow i really didnt think id be done with this tonight but at 4:09 im finished. Alot of work actually went into this chapter believe it or not, I'm not the greatest at dialouge and as you all know ihate Mai so that is that. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and that all the people who started this story are still with it, bring onthe reveiws because my last story only got 2 and i put alot into that one : (
Oh and how could we forget, raine-chans omake:
Mai: -sigh- squall is so mean -sigh-
ssjx7squall: hey! i am not, be grateful
mai: how? when you have admitting hating to write and blah blah and i wont even be able to help natsuki so much
ssjx7squall: well...i just dont like you -pouts- besides be happy you are the main character in sunrise's work. So DONT WHINE HERE!
Mai: T.T still
ssjx7squall: -eye twitching- you feel bad about my fic lacking of you? -shoves script- READ THIS ONE! IT BARELY MENTIONS YOU!
Mai: OH MY WHAT THE -faints-
ssjx7squall: -sweatdrop- wow...
Mikoto: MAI! MAI! -ANGRY EYES- SQUAL
ssjx7squall: Mikoto! wait!
Mikoto: YOU KILLED -faints-
ssjx7squall: Mikoto? O.O
Mikoto: food...mikoto...needs food
End
Ok i wont bore you with anymore emo notes on my personal life, just hope you enjoyed it and hope to be able to upload another chapter soon
ssjx7squall