well I'm sitting on my bed sitting there and realized I better update this…I already got this written but yeah just me being lazy and playing Uzumaki Chronicles all weekend.
Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings.
In the mountains Legolas tells the story of the cursed dead men.
"This whole curse thing must be a myth." Jaydie said. "I don't believe."
Then a sound spooked the horses making them run and startling Jaydie so she flapped her wings and knocked Gimli to the ground
"Legolas! What the hell was that?" Jordi asked.
"I do not fear death." Aragorn went into the cave with Jaydie close behind. Jordi out of slight fear grasped Legolas's hand (as much as she didn't want to admit it.) and they went inside leaving poor Gimli by himself.
"I'll never hear the end of it!" Gimli said following them "I think I crapped myself."
"So that's what stinks." Jordi said in the darkness. Aragorn. Legolas and Jaydie's laughter could be heard.
The 5 ran through the caves. The only light was the torch Aragorn held.
"who enters my domain?" A voice asked. The King of the dead asked.
"Let go of my hand you homo!" Legolas shouted at the frightened Gimli.
"The one who will have your allegiance." Aragorn answered.
"The dead do not suffer the living to pass." The king said.
"You will suffer me." Aragorn shot back.
"Nuh uh!"
"Yeah huh!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Yeah huh!"
"Nuuuuuh uuuuuhhh!"
"Yeeeaaaahhh hhhuuuuhhhh!"
"Shut up and listen to him Aragorn!" Jaydie yelled.
The king laughed as his army appeared. "The way is shut and now you will die…"
"I love life…I WANNA LIVE!!" Gimli cried.
Aragorn tries to negotiate with the dead.
Meanwhile Gollum led Frodo to a cave. "Go in."
"Frodo hesitated. "Your not gonna rape me in here are you?"
"No, no, no."
Frodo entered the cave and got lost. He attempts to find Gollum and gets even more lost. Soon he wishes that he had Sam and Jaydie with him. Frodo runs through the caves and gets even more lost….(déjà vu anyone?) Frodo remembers the light of Elendil. (or something…my book is very old and worn out.) He takes it out and the cave lights up. Soon Frodo wants the dark when he sees a giant spider.
"HOLY SHIT!" Frodo yells.
The spider attacks. Frodo uses the light against it but makes it really pissed off. Frodo runs and gets stuck in a web. Gollum laughs at him.
"How stupid is master? Believing a little shit like us."
Frodo cuts through the webs and escapes just in time. Gollum attacks him and tried to take the ring. Soon Gollum says the 'Precious' made him do it.
"I have to destroy it for both our sakes, smeagol." Frodo says, "Before I become a little shit like you."
Gollum snaps and attacks Frodo. Frodo throws Gollum over an edge and cries, "I'm so sorry Sam! I'm so sorry Jaydie! I'm so sorry…"
After Frodo runs and runs, he is unaware of the spider. Shelob stings him and wraps him up in gift-wrapping. Sam comes and battles Shelob. After the spider retreats Sam gets cocky. "Yeah you better run you over grown bastardized beatle! OOH A PRESENT!!" He unwraps Frodo. "OH MY GOD I GOT A DEAD PERSON FOR CHRISTMAS!! THIS IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!" he then looks closer at the person "OH MY GOD IT'S FRODO!!" He began to cry and actually thought he was dead. Two orcs then say he is stunned and take him away. Sam went to go eat French fries before they found Frodo. Sam goes and rescues Frodo. "Oh man, he owes me for this…his ass would be dead if it wasn't for me jeez…"
Just when the king was about to cremate Faramir, Gandalf and Pippin show up.
"He's alive you dumbass!" Pippin yells.
"Listen to the dumbass, dumbass!" Gandalf adds.
The king lights himself on fire and jumps off a cliff because he over dosed on meth and he thought that he was being attacked by a pant less Pippin. "I know I'm not much of a praying man, but if your up there please save me super man!" Were Lord Denethor's last words.
At the war the good guys start winning. Aragorn, Jaydie, Legolas, Jordi, and Gimli attack orcs by the shores and make their way to the battle. Jaydie saves Aragorn's life by throwing an orc archer off his platform.
"Thanks Jaydie." Aragorn said while decapitating an orc.
"Bookity Bookity bookity boy lets go fighting!" Jaydie said enjoying herself.
Legolas did another sweet move by killing an Oliphant.
"Show off…" Jordi said.
"Thank you." Legolas gloated landing beside her.
The dead finished the fight and Aragorn released them all. They went to peace. (Peace man!)
Frodo found himself in the tower. Orcs went through his clothes. 'What perverts!' he thought. Sam saved Frodo after he had a couple of shots of Vodka so he could completely destroy his reputation by grunting like he was constipated and making his shadow bigger. And they both escaped.
Aragorn plans to attack Mordor and distract Sauron to give Frodo a chance to get to Mt. Doom.
"Large certainty of death…small chance of success….what the hell are we waiting for…we chance that with Aragorn on chilli night." Gimli said.
"Yay! My first suicide mission!" Jaydie cried.
"How the hell can you be excited about that?" Jordi asked.
"Aragorn's been treating me like a child for years."
"I see."
They ride out to Mordor and are at the gate. "Let the lord of the black land come forth!" Aragorn called.
"AAHH! It's Sam-Sam!" Jordi yells to an orc. 'Actually he looks like a bad guy from Uzumaki chronicles.'
Aragorn starts to talk with the orc and the orc shows them Frodo's mithril shirt and sword. And Jaydie is getting impatient. "Just kill him!"
"Good idea." Aragorn chops the orc's head off and the army gathers at the gate.
"Lets beat the shit out of them!" Jordi and Jaydie call at the same time. "CHARGE!"
END!
Well I hope that you liked this chapter, it was a little bit longer than the other ones but yeah please review and tell us what you think!
Sakura Sama 101