The misspelling's deliberate: Naruto doesn't know how it's spelled and this is how he would assume it was.

Fair's fair. If Sasuke's going to end up, 'blind,' he should get a pimp cane.

The search for gifts to bring home to the Uchibis hadn't gone well: Tazuna hadn't been kidding about the poverty level. Even though Sasuke couldn't see the pinched faces of the children watching them, he could see that their chakra levels were low, even for civilians.

And since hungry kids got cranky and took it out on the people who were supposed to be feeding them, it was one of the things he'd developed a sixth sense for.

Which was how they'd ended up at the shore, where Naruto was delighted to see that the explosive tag fishing method described by the academy's survival course really did work. A small army of Ramen Knights (this was food, even if it wasn't ramen), were gathering wood and setting up cooking fires while Orange Bombshells dived in to bring back the fish that floated to the surface, killed by the tags, and brought back crabs and other weird things they'd never seen before to Sakura to ask if they were edible while Sasuke held court on a handy rock.

He couldn't let them go hungry, but he couldn't let them think it was a good idea to go with strangers who promised them food, either. "Public places are one thing," he said, waving at the bridge workers. They'd set up here since they were supposed to be guarding the place, after all, and Sakura had said they'd probably need lunch too. While they were working on the bridge they weren't fishing to keep their families fed. "And so are Konoha ninja," even with all the closet perverts, "but there are a lot of perverts out there."

He heard an angry noise from one of them. It wasn't hard to guess why. Gatou's army of mercenaries would have gone looking for women as well as taking all the decent food. "Don't go off with anyone you don't know alone. If somebody does grab you," and the children of the bridge workers were obvious targets, "then if you're in public, yell for help. We can't watch all of your homes, but Narutos are going to be doing patrols."

Some of the bridge workers had sent for their families, who were helping Sakura identify Naruto's catches and providing some ingredients. Spices kept, and there hadn't been much to use them on. "Pretend like you're panicking, cry if you can." Crocodile tears were one of the first things learned in the ninja academy. "If you struggle to get away, don't do it hard: you'll just tire yourself out. But it's good if you look weak. People are good at keeping stuff from getting away, but not as good at holding people away from them. So wait for a good moment and lunge in." He demonstrated by smacking one hand against the other. "Use your heads, teeth if you can. Don't use knives. They're a weapon, and they'll take you seriously with a weapon. Never carry one unless you can use it."

"It's not like fighting is going to do anything," Tazuna's grandson muttered. Sasuke got up and wacked him upside the head: not hard, of course.

"Don't be an idiot. Of course fighting works. Gatou's men took control of this town because they're better at fighting than you. He didn't die because he fought, he died because he didn't know what he was doing. So shut up, sit back down, and pay attention."

He grumbled but sat down. "See?" Sasuke pointed at him. "I don't know if your parents say that violence never solved anything," he'd heard that civilian parents said that, "but it's clearly not true. I hit Inari in the head, he sat back down and stopped arguing with me. Gatou killed Inari's father, your parents just took it instead of fighting back. Now, it would be stupid for Inari to fight me, because I'd kick his ass and then make him run five hundred laps up and down the bridge. It's not cowardly for him not to fight me, it's being smart. A fight you lose solves nothing, so wait and pick a fight when you can win."

He sat back down. "Now, you're not going to be able to take a grown man, especially if they're trained and have weapons. So, what you do is, once you're out of their grasp, run and get help. What Inari's father should have done was go to Konoha and hire ninja to kill Gatou, back when your parents still had some money. That would have been the smart thing to do."

There was silence, and it took him a bit longer than he would have liked to realize that one of them (a girl, he'd catalogued her voice), had raised her hand. "Yes?"

"Are you going to kill Gatou?"

"Yes: Tazuna only had enough cash for a C-rank but Naruto worked out something with the bridge tolls." Sasuke had tuned out the percentages in self-defense. "Now," he said, cutting off any cheers, "back to the lesson. They'll be taller than you and have longer legs. So what you want to do is make that one hit count so that it'll keep them down while you run away. Going back in for a second one is riskier, because remember, humans are good at grabbing and now they'll be warned. If you can, gouge their eyes out." Sasuke might hate his Sharingan, but he'd grown up an Uchiha and they'd regarded that as one of the worst things that could happen to a person.

"Stand up." He pushed Inari around so they can see what he was doing. "Put your thumb here and what you want to do is push in and scoop. They pop right out."

"Eww." That was so cool.

He pushed Inari so he sat down. "If you manage to do that, then they're definitely down for the count, between the pain and how it's harder to catch someone if you can't tell where they are." Sasuke touched his blindfold. "Don't count on it with ninja, though. In fact, don't even try with ninja: they'll know all these tricks too, and they'll know better than to assume a kid's harmless."

"Like you weren't?"

"Exactly. Now, if you don't think you'll be able to get at their eyes before they get somewhere they might be able to lock you in or tie you up…"

"Mister Uchiha, the doggie's back."

"I can sense that." Dammit. She kept running off places, and he'd thought the kids he'd told to play fetch with her would be able to keep her busy longer. She sat down next to him and he patted her on the head when she shoved it under his hand, feeling resigned. "There are a few other places that you should try going after. Can anyone tell me one?"

"My mommy said to kick perverts in the groin."

"Yes, that will stun them for a bit. However, if you haven't been grabbed yet, and it's best not to get grabbed, don't actually go for the groin. Protecting it is one of the fastest reflexes. So what you do is, you feint for the groin. It doesn't even have to be a really convincing feint: if they're badly trained, instinct will make them guard it. Then, while they're off-balance, you go for somewhere else. If you actually do try to hit them there, that's where their hands will be, and they'll grab you and be really angry with you for trying it. No, you want to go for the..."

"Sasuke, look! Isn't this the coolest thing ever!" Something was shoved in his face by a female Naruto.

"I can't see, Naruto," Sasuke reminded her, and instantly regretted it when something wet and slimy was literally shoved in his face.

"It's a sea slug! Like a regular slug, only even better for grossing people out! The sea anenemies are really cool too, they've got all sorts of colors and they kill everything but orange fish with deadly neurotoxins!"

"That's very nice, Naruto," Sasuke was used to dealing with childish enthusiasm, "but I'm in the middle of a pedophile-killing class here." The hand that wasn't on Ammy's head was holding the walking stick Naruto had found him (he'd buy a sword-cane when he got back to Konoha), and he used it to push Naruto away. "Go put it down Kakashi's back or something."

"On it!" Naruto bounced off.

Damn Sharingan. He was on a beach, the Orange Bombshells had to be wearing bikinis, and he couldn't take this blindfold off or it would be obvious that something was wrong, he'd have to explain, and Naruto would be killed by Itachi.

Damn Itachi.