Under the Skin

by gategeeks

An accident with Ancient technology puts Beckett and McKay a little closer in touch with the Ancients than they originally anticipated, but will they survive the encounter? Told from Rodney and Carson's POV. Gen fic cowritten by SGC Gategirl & Girrlkitty

10. Chapter 10

Under the Skin – Chapter 10

As he hurried down the hall, first dodging Colonel Sheppard, then hurrying his steps when he heard echoes behind him, Carson knew this was a bad idea.

The last time he had sat in the chair, it had nearly killed him. Doing it again, when he had no guarantee of any better success was not only stupid, it was borderline suicidal. Had it been anyone else, he would have been the one smacking them over the head and sending Marines to nail them to the floor.

But it wasn't someone else, and he didn't really see that he had much choice. Rodney was losing it, and the visions, or memories, or whatever they were seemed to be coming faster and stronger. He didn't have time to play with Ancient toys until he found one that worked.

He needed to convince Durand to fix this. To help.

As he skidded into the room, he saw movement coming from behind, and heard Lorne calling his name, ordering him to stop. Before the admittedly faster and stronger man could catch him though, Carson was in the chair and had it activated.

There was pain again, but it wasn't as bad this time. The darkness wasn't so all-consuming, didn't rip away his identity and purpose. He could handle it.

"Durand!" He just hoped he could reach him before Rodney ran out of time.

"Doctor?" The voice was hesitant.

"Durand! I need your help. Rodney is—losing himself. Your memories were left behind when we transferred you here, and now they're taking him over."

"That should not have happened," Durand replied, the tone thoughtful and calm. "I am not missing anything."

"It happened slowly. He seemed fine at first, but it's speeding up. When I left him, he was actually getting sucked in so completely he had almost no awareness of what was going on around him. I don't know how to fix this."

"I had thought…" Durand said, pausing for a moment.

Carson fought back his own impatience and fear, dodging a large bubble of the darkness heading towards him. "If I bring him here, can you help him?"

"No. I am sorry. I had only hoped to leave him a gift of understanding. I see that I have only given pain. Please forgive me," Durand said, sorrow thick in his voice. "Please leave before you are trapped here. It is not safe."

"I can get out when I need to. And I don't blame you, especially since I know it can help if Rodney can get control of it. But help me find a way to tone it down for him. I think the problem is that it's coming too fast. There has to be some way I can slow it down, allow him to access it when he's ready."

"No. There is no way to alter the gift. I….misjudged. He must learn to control it."

"I don't need to alter it, I just need a way to help him assimilate it. He thinks too much, tries to take it all in at once. It's the way his mind works, but this time its working against him." Carson wished he could see Durand, his real face and not what he had looked like as Rodney. "Help me teach him to control it, use it as you intended."

"There is nothing to teach. He either knows or does not. I am sorry."

Carson thought about fighting, but he knew Durand was telling the truth. "Aye, I understand. So how are you? Are you okay here?"

"Fine. But I must insist that you leave. I don't want to accidentally pull you in. You shouldn't be here."

"It's all right. It isn't as bad this time. I even know who you are, who I am. I can leave in a minute, once I'm sure you're okay."

"I'm fine, but it takes energy to talk to you, energy that I need to finish what I started here. I know that sounds…bad, but I'm protecting you, holding the worst back. Please…"

Carson nodded. "I'll leave then. Thank you. At least I know what it is now effecting Rodney. I think I can help him now. Stay safe. And don't forget your promise!"

"I would not. Take care."

"You too." Carson focused on getting out, and was a bit surprised at how fast it happened. He sat up abruptly, closing his eyes as the room continued to spin around him for a moment. He had seen Major Lorne hovering nearby before he shut them, so he turned in what he hoped was that direction. "How long was I in there?"

"Little over an hour," Lorne said, his face dark. "McKay's not doing well."

"Give me your radio, then help me get back to him. I left mine in the infirmary." He opened his eyes, grateful that everything was in place. He felt a bit weak, but otherwise surprisingly fine. Durand must have been shielding him more than he thought.

The Major sighed, but did as Carson asked, handing over the radio first before helping him to his feet, hanging onto his arm, keeping him upright.

"Colonel Sheppard, this is Beckett. Where are you?" He ignored the fact that his legs tried to buckle and used the Major for leverage as he started moving.

"Where you left McKay," he growled.

"Good. I'm not far then. Look, the memories were supposed to be a gift of sorts. Durand knew Rodney wanted a better understanding of Ancient tech, and this was his way of trying to help. He didn't realize Rodney would try to access it all at once, which is why he's starting to lose control of it. Try to get him to focus on controlling it, making it start and stop on his command. I'm on my way."

"Beckett, he's not responding to me anymore. Hasn't been." John sounded worried. "What was he thinking?"

"He was trying to help, and use physical stimuli. Give Rodney something to latch on to, to ground himself in this world. If he's that far gone, pain might be the only thing that will work, unfortunately." Carson was half dragging, half being carried by Lorne as he tried to go faster.

"You think I haven't tried that? I don't want to hurt him."

"I know, but we need to get him to rouse enough to be aware of us. Once I get there, I'll send Lorne to the infirmary for a relaxant, if we can bring him back, then slowing his mind down might help him get more control over it."

"We need to have a talk when all this is through about you civilians," Sheppard said, his voice tight.

"Yes, you can kill me later, after I find a way to help Rodney. Right now, focus on him."

"Fine. Sheppard out."

Carson growled. Then he looked over a bit warily at the soldier who was helping him. "Ah, he won't really try to kill me, will he?"

"Maybe not right away, but yeah, I think it's part of his agenda."

"I don't suppose I could keep you as my bodyguard in the event guns come into play?"

Lorne chuckled. "Tough call, Doc. Tough call."

They had arrived back at the lab, and Carson made his way to where Sheppard was hunched over Rodney. He looked back at Lorne. "Major, find Anne in the infirmary. Tell her I need the Carisoprodol. She'll get you what you need." He turned back to Rodney, his attention focused on him now. "Come on, Rodney, I need you to focus on me lad, focus on my voice."

Rodney blinked several times, the hint of a smile touching his mouth. His words were breathy and light. "You came back."

"Aye, I'm here. Rodney, these memories aren't supposed to be controlling you. They're just coming too fast. You need to get control of them instead of fighting them. As soon as Lorne gets back I'm going to give you something to help you relax. Hopefully that will help."

"We shouldn't have argued."

Carson blinked. "Argued? We didn't argue."

"I know it's my fault and I'm sorry."

"Rodney...what are you talking about?"

McKay focused a little more on him, tilting his head. "I'm just glad you're here now and we can sort things out."

Carson looked over at Sheppard. "Um, Colonel, did I miss something? Did you two argue, and now he thinks I'm you? Not to mention, since when does Rodney McKay apologize for anything?"

Sheppard shook his head, his eyes equally wide and uncertain. "He hasn't said anything in nearly a half-hour, kinda had that glazed over look actually."

The hard lump of fear was back in his stomach as he turned back to his friend. "Rodney, lad, why don't you tell me about why we argued. I don't remember now."

McKay looked at him a little closer, eyes narrowing slightly before he shook his head. "No, I don't want you to get mad again. We both know how you get when you're angry."

"I promise, I won't get mad again. I'm worried about you, so I need to know why you think I was angry."

He bristled a little. "Don't you think we've been through it enough already? Why belabor the point. I told them no. My work here and now is more important."

Suddenly several things clicked into place. He had had several long chats with Durand about his wife, and this sounded a bit too familiar. He muttered several curses in Gaelic, knowing neither of the other two would know what he was saying. "Colonel, he's fully slipped into Durand's memories. I think he believes I'm Nydia; they fought about the program, and Durand turned them down. Then the guys in charge killed his wife and forced the treatment on him."

Sheppard's face paled, his hand tightening on Rodney's arm. "They did what? That's…that's…"

"I had a chance to talk a bit with Durand about it. Apparently she was vocally opposed to what they were doing, and didn't want Durand to have any part in it. That's the reason they had to keep treating him, why it didn't work the first time. He refused it, and fought what they were doing until his will was completely submerged. From what Rodney's saying, I'd guess he's slipped back to just before that, when they had made the offer, but before his wife was killed." Carson was quickly evaluating his options. They had to snap Rodney back to this time and place somehow.

"Won't he just work himself out of it like the other times? Won't it be bad just to yank him back?"

Carson ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know! I don't think he's ever slipped this far into the memories. He might snap himself out, and he might not. I have no idea how much of us he's really interacting with, and how much is just remembered conversations."

"You're angry again." The words were quiet. Rodney's eyes thoughtful as his gaze flickered back and forth between Carson and Sheppard.

Carson turned back to him. "No, I'm not angry. I'm just worried about you. Why don't we get you back upstairs to your room? Maybe a good night's sleep will help..."

"You sound angry. I know the tone. And I'm not tired."

"I promise, I'm not angry. And you've been sick, so you need to get your rest."

Rodney's brow furrowed. "Sick? No, I'm fine. Are you sure you're feeling okay? You're not sounding like yourself."

"Aye, I'm sure I don't," Carson muttered under his breath. He decided to try and different tactic. He needed to get Rodney out of this cold, damp lab. "I must admit, I'm feeling a bit tired. Why don't you come with me, help me back up to the main part of the city?"

"The city?" Rodney looked around, his eyes drifting over the lab, confusion on his face. "But…we were on Doranda, weren't we? How'd I get here?"

Carson was starting to feel a bit desperate. And more than a bit creeped out that he was pretending to be someone's long-dead wife. "I...forgot something. We had to come back. Now let's get up and go back towards your—um, our—room. Can you do that for me?"

Rodney reached out and gripped his arm, his fingers digging a little. "What's happening? This isn't right. You were never here, not in this lab." There was a desperation in his eyes that hadn't been there before.

"You've been sick, lad, like I told you. I'm very worried about you, so I came down here to find you and bring you back."

Rodney shook his head a little, closing his eyes, his hand tightening on Carson's arm. "You're dead. You can't be here. No matter how much I'd like you to be alive it's just not possible." He took a long shuddering breath.

Damn it! He had hoped the memories would stay far enough back that he could get Rodney back upstairs before he started to snap out of it. "Rodney, look at me. You are Rodney McKay, chief science officer of the Atlantis expedition from Earth. These memories you are having are from a man named Durand, who lived here ten thousand years ago. You have to get control of them, Rodney. Please, concentrate!"

"I remember your body, seeing it so still, so pale," Rodney said, the words barely loud enough for Carson to hear. "They said it was an accident." He looked up, holding Carson's gaze. "That's when I came here to work—for a time." He blinked again, tilting his head. "You know, I never loved anyone as much as he loved her."

Carson stared at him for a moment, catching the change of pronouns. "Rodney? Please tell me you know who I am..."

He nodded slowly, eyes flickering toward Sheppard. "Unfortunately."

"Oh, thank God." Carson sat back slightly, exhausted. "Listen to me, Durand left you the memories as a...gift. He didn't realize they would hit you this hard. I think he wanted to give you a better understanding of Ancient technology and how they thought. You can control it I think, but it's going to take some work. I have Major Lorne bringing down a relaxant. It won't knock you out, just make you less tense. If you aren't fighting it, it might be easier to control it."

Rodney's eyes lost focus and he nodded. "I can see that now." His forehead furrowed a little more. "That last one kind jolted a few things into place, I think." He paused again, a shiver running though his body. "How…long?"

"I left about an hour and a half ago, and you were just slipping into it then. From what Colonel Sheppard told me, you got worse after I left, almost catatonic. I've haven't been here for long, which is when you started snapping out of it."

"Huh." He paused again, glancing toward the Colonel, wincing a little. "Sorry about that whole…" His hand waved absently. "…freak out thing."

Sheppard flashed him a weak grin. "It's okay. Keeps me on my toes."

Carson looked closely at Rodney, not liking what he was seeing. "Rodney, you're exhausted and this lab is cold and damp. I don't want to risk you catching something. I know you don't want to go back to the infirmary, but what about your room? At least it's warm there, and quiet and not so blessed uncomfortable."

"Warm would be good," he said, his body shivering again as if to emphasize his words.

"Right. Colonel, You help him up. Make sure he doesn't fall. I don't like those shivers, and I don't know how much strength the memories pulled out of him." He pushed himself up, using the side of one of the lab benches as leverage.

Rodney tried to push himself off the floor, John holding tight to his arm, but from the discomfort on his face it was obviously more difficult than he thought it would be. Finally on his feet, he swayed, his face dropping several shades of color.

"It's okay, Rodney, we'll take it slow. Lean on the Colonel. Use him for support. We can stop any time you need to take a break. Just keep telling yourself there is a warm, dry bed waiting for you at the end. John, do you have any PowerBars on you? That will help as well—it's probably been a while since Rodney ate anything."

John wordlessly used his free hand to pull a PowerBar out of his vest and hand it over. Carson ripped the wrapper off, and practically shoved it at Rodney.

"I ate one of these before," he protested, scowling at the bar in his hand.

"Humor me. Eat another one. With everything else, I don't want to have to treat you for hypoglycemia again, too."

"Oh," he said, looking at the bar for another moment before taking a bite, chewing slowly.

Carson was about to ask John to call Lorne and find out where he was, re-route him to Rodney's room, when he remembered he still had the Major's radio. Reaching up, he decided to call Anne. "Anne, this is Carson." He paused, relieved when she responded. "Is Major Lorne still there? Good. Have him head to Rodney's room and meet me there instead. We'll be heading there in a moment. Thanks, luv." He saw that Rodney had eaten half the bar. "Ready?"

Rodney glanced up. "For what?"

"Leaving here. Are you feeling up to the walk now?"

Rodney shrugged, his gaze wandering to where John's hand was gripping his upper arm. "I guess." He paused, his eyes wandering up to Sheppard's face. "When did you get here?"

John's eyes widened a bit. "Um, Rodney, I've been here for a while. Why don't we get you upstairs?" He started pulling Rodney along, keeping a hand on his arm. He shared a quick worried glance with Carson as he moved.

Carson sighed and started following them. He was glad they were moving slow, since he was still feeling a bit weak from the chair. At this pace, though, it wasn't a problem. He carefully watched Rodney as they made their way towards the transporter. How was he supposed to fix this? And the bigger question: could he fix it in time to save Rodney's mind as well as his body?

xxx

Walking down the hall with Sheppard attached to his right arm, McKay felt a little disconnected. He knew something had happened, something big, but for the life of him he couldn't figure out what had gotten his two friends so worked up.

His mind was quieter now than it had been, the memories and images faded into the background.

He glanced down at the PowerBar wrapper in his left hand, vaguely remembering that he'd had something else before as well.

He paused, dragging Sheppard to a stop. "I left my water bottle."

John shot him an odd look. "I'll send someone to look for it later."

"Oh. Okay." He started walking again, his eyes gazing around the corridor. "You know, it looked better with plants."

John stumbled a little at that, but caught himself quickly. "Really? Well, maybe once we have a few more people, and you know, aren't under constant threat of invasion, we can look into that."

Rodney waved his left hand. "It gave it a more…lived in look." He shrugged. "Much better than the ten-thousand-year-old dead plant look."

"Yeah, I can see that. Tell you what, when you're back to full speed, we'll put a mission on the roster to go trade for houseplants."

Rodney shot him a look. "That would be a waste of resources, not to mention time. Maybe Teyla can just ask the Athosians. Or we could just talk to the botanists. They'd probably know of some of the heartier plants."

"Yeah, but what's the fun in that? If I haven't been shot at by natives while obtaining the plants, it just doesn't have the same homey feeling."

Rodney scowled at the Colonel, trying to tug his arm free. "You are insane, you know that?"

John's grip tightened slightly. "Just trying to lighten the mood a bit, Rodney. It's been a long week."

"Joking about being shot by angry natives because you're stealing their plants just to decorate a strange Ancient city is not exactly amusing. And you do realize that I can, one, walk fine on my own. I've been doing it for thirty-seven years now. And secondly, you're cutting off the circulation in my arm. I'm surprised my hand isn't blue."

"Geeze Rodney, lighten up." His hand relaxed slightly, but he didn't let go. "And every time I've let you out of my sight or caved to your demands, you disappear for hours only to be found shivering on the floor somewhere. I'm sorry, but this time I'm delivering you to your room, then camping outside to make sure you stay put."

"Carson…" Rodney whined, turning to the doctor on his other side. Thankfully he hadn't latched onto him like a leech.

"Hmmm?" Carson's eyes focused on him. "What's that?"

"Would you call off the pitbull?" he said, gesturing with his left hand to Sheppard. "And what's with you?"

Carson's eyes darted to John's hand then back to Rodney. "What's wrong? He isn't actually hurting you, is he? Give him a break, Rodney. You scared the man half to death."

"Hey!" Sheppard looked back to glare at the doctor who only shrugged.

"I'm losing circulation in my arm."

"Would you prefer he held your hand? Because I have to be honest, I don't think you're getting rid of him, and he already wants to kill me, so I don't think I want to interfere."

"Carson, I'd stop talking now if I were you." John was growling now.

"See." Carson shrugged again at Rodney. "As long as no extremities turn blue before we get to your room, I'm afraid there's nothing I can do."

"I know how to walk on my own and why are we going to my quarters?" he protested, still trying to tug his arm free.

Carson raised an eyebrow. "We're going to your quarters because I didn't think you would agree to the infirmary, which is really where I'd rather have you. You seemed a bit—unenthusiastic about that before. Have you changed your mind?"

"But I'm fine," he said stopping, only to be pulled several steps further down the hallway when Sheppard didn't stop immediately. Throwing the man a hard look, he turned back to Carson. "I feel fine. I actually need to go check in on Zelenka—"

"Rodney, we are going to your quarters, you are parking it there until I say otherwise, and I'm tired of arguing with you about it. You're the one who didn't want to go back to work because you had to work a few things out, well, now we're going to figure this out because I'm not allowing my chief scientist to go wandering alone anymore and slipping into other people's memories to the point where he doesn't know who he is." John yanked him hard enough to almost pull him off his feet, and started stalking down the hall, dragging Rodney behind him.

"What!" Rodney glanced back and forth between the two men, allowing himself to be pulled down the hallway. "You're not kidding are you?"

"Um, Colonel!" Carson called after them from where he had stopped in the hallway, eyes wide.

"I'm tired of this. The two of you have been wandering off getting into trouble for days now. For the foreseeable future, I'm in charge. Carson, get your ass up here." Sheppard stopped, glaring back at the stationary doctor.

"Sir," Lorne said from his position just outside Rodney's quarters. "Need some help?"

"Lorne. Thank goodness. Beckett is your responsibility. Get him in here and don't leave his side this time no matter how many pretty nurses he throws your way." Sheppard turned back, yanking Rodney in the door. The squeak of Carson being similarly manhandled was heard from outside. Sheppard pushed him into the bed, then leaned against the wall, arms crossed, his 'I'm-not-screwing-around' face on.

"What the hell has come over you? I don't appreciate being treated like a prisoner in my own quarters," Rodney said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, and I don't appreciate being lied to. I trusted you to turn your radio on and you didn't. Then you disappear for almost twenty-four hours, and when I do finally find you, you think you're a damn Ancient and Carson's your dead wife. I'm sorry, but I'm a little tired of this. We're fixing this, if I have to sit on you and Beckett both until we do."

"I forgot! I really meant to," Rodney protested, his eyes wide the blood draining from his face as he dug into his pocket, pulling out the device in question. "I brought it with me when I left my quarters this morning, but then I started walking…" He paused, a sheepish expression on his face. "Things get a bit hazy after a certain point."

Sheppard face softened slightly, but he didn't move. "Look, I understand, things have been a bit crazy. But I don't think I can take having you disappear again. Let's just fix this and move on, instead of dancing around it." He looked up as Lorne dragged a protesting Carson in the door.

"Bloody hell, I can walk on my own! Let go of me!" Carson managed to pull free after they were in the room. He glared at Sheppard. "Is this really necessary?"

John's eyes narrowed. "I believe we've had this conversation already. Your options still stand, and this time, if you ditch my Marine again, I will follow though."

"You can't keep us locked up," Rodney said, setting his jaw as he rose to his feet, swaying a little and hoping the Colonel hadn't noticed. "I'll take this to Elizabeth. I'm a civilian and don't answer to you."

"I don't want to keep you locked up, Rodney. Actually, I'd like you to get better ASAP, since Zelenka might be good, but he isn't you. You can't even stand up without trouble, why won't you just let us help you?"

"I'm fine. I don't need any help," he protested, his lips thinning. He turned to Beckett. "You talk some sense into him."

Carson sent another glare at both soldiers, then turned back to Rodney. "While I don't agree with his tactics, I do agree with his goal. We don't know what will trigger another of Durand's memories right now, and you don't have any control over the information contained in them. We need to figure out how much he left you and how you can keep it from overwhelming you before I can clear you for duty."

"But I feel fine," he protested.

"Aye, and you felt fine yesterday, but that did'na stop the attack today, did it?" Carson grabbed Rodney's desk chair and sat down heavily. "Look, let's just figure out what Durand gave you. I know it was memories, and I know they were meant to give you better insight into the Ancient technology. Why don't we start there? What have you been seeing?"

Rodney held Carson's gaze for several seconds before sighing. "We're not going to be able to just let this slide by, eh?"

"I'm afraid not. The guard dogs won't let us, even if I was inclined to ignore it, which I'm not."

His gaze slid over to Sheppard and Lorne, standing quietly, but watching both of them intently. Rolling his eyes, McKay dropped onto this bed, leaning his elbows on his knees. "People. Places. Things. It's been pretty random. Like, for instance, I know that there should be a plant just outside the door to Elizabeth's office, and I also know the exact contents of a drawer in one of the labs on the East Pier."

He rubbed his hands over his face. "I don't know how this is going to help us any."

"That is pretty random." Carson's gaze went over Rodney's shoulders, his voice thoughtful. "He did'na say exactly what he gave you, but it makes sense that you would have gotten some of his stronger impressions, and that those would be the ones to come to the surface first. My guess is that the actual useful information is buried a bit deeper."

"Useful? You consider any of this useful? Lorne there," he said gesturing to the Major, "turned into some Ancient lab tech at one point."

"No, actually, I said you hadn't gotten to the useful information yet." Carson rolled his eyes.

"What? So this is going to go on indefinitely?"

"Rodney, stop jumping to conclusions. What I said was that Durand gave you a specific set of memories for a reason. The problem is that a few of his personal memories came along with it. And since those are more powerful, they're the ones that have surfaced so far, mostly because we didn't know what was happening. You've been fighting them instead of trying to control them." He gestured to Lorne, who handed over a pill bottle. "This is a muscle relaxant I've used on you before. It won't knock you out, but it will force your muscles to unclench. If you aren't fighting so hard, it might be easier to figure out what the triggers are and how you can use them consciously, instead of being used by them."

Rodney's eyes widened. "I'm relaxed enough, thank you very much. I don't need any of your happy pills."

Carson tossed them over on the bed. "I didn't say to take one now. If you start to feel one of the memories trying to surface, that might make the whole thing a little less traumatic on you. Your natural urge is to fight it, but that might not be the best way to handle it."

"And you'd know this how exactly?" he asked, eyeing Carson. "Or is this just another one of your voodoo spells?"

Carson closed his eyes and leaned back in the chair. "Call it a hunch if you want to. I don't know for sure, but I do know Durand is capable of giving us more information than we realize. He said he couldn't help you, but I think he might have given me a bit of information on how I could help you."

"Wait a minute," Rodney said, bristling. "How and when did he give you more information?"

Carson opened his eyes, a faint blush staining his cheeks. "Ah, that doesn't really matter, does it? The important thing is figuring out how to get these memories under your control."

"It matters." He crossed his arms over his chest. "If you intend for me to take anything you've giving me, you had better start explaining yourself."

Carson looked like he was going to hedge again, but Major Lorne spoke up. "He returned to the chair Doctor McKay, while you were stuck in that memory. I tried to stop him, but he was too far ahead of me, sir."

"Traitor." Carson shot the soldier an annoyed glance.

"See, this makes me less willing to listen," Rodney said, gesturing toward Carson. "How do we know that he's not some weird pod person?"

Carson shook his head. "Look, you were in the middle of Durand's memories, and I didn't have time to start messing around with things that might or might not have helped you. I needed to get answers immediately. For all I knew, you might not have snapped back out of it. It was a minimal risk, and the reward is that I have information we can use to get you back to fully-functioning again."

"Such as?"

"Such as that right now you're only getting the surface memories which wasn't what he intended to give you. Those were accidental, but because they're tainted with emotions, they are far more powerful. If you can get control of the deeper, more useful information, you'll have control of those too."

Rodney looked at Carson, his gaze shifting to Lorne before landing on Sheppard. "And you buy this? I can't believe you'd agree to this."

John was staring hard at the doctor's back. "Actually, no, I didn't. I expressly forbade him from doing it, but he ignored me. Why do you think I have Lorne watching him?"

Carson stiffened but didn't turn around. Instead he addressed Rodney directly. "Look, I have my own theory about why the memories hit you so hard when you were in the lab, when you hadn't gotten more than flashes before that. The labs are where Durand's memories would have been strongest, since it was where he worked when he was here on Atlantis. But here, for instance, in your room, there's nothing to trigger anything. So as long as we work in places Durand would never have gone, the likelihood of you having another attack that bad is much slimmer."

Rodney chuckled humorlessly. "Oh, he's been here."

Carson eyed him carefully. "Oh?"

Rodney felt himself blushing. "Yeah, after Nydia…he was lonely. Okay? That's all I'm saying on it. How did I mange to get myself into this mess?"

Carson looked a bit shocked. "Um, right then. Well, as long as you don't start to think I'm that person too...Anyway, if you're getting flashes here, is there anywhere else you might want to try going?"

"No," McKay said, shaking his head, keeping his eyes down. "Not quite the same…intensity. And as for places…it's hard to say. He's been almost everywhere. And I'm really not trying to be difficult."

"I know, Rodney. Let's just stay here then, if it isn't too intense. At least here you know what to be aware of. Actually, we can start there if you want. Can you tell when a memory is trying to surface and try directing it?"

He shrugged. "Sometimes. It's strange. At first it felt just like a bad case of déjà vu. I'd be walking down a hallway and I'd see something—an image, a piece of memory—that I knew wasn't mine, but felt like mine. Those were usually just flashes, like the potted plant in the control room."

"That makes sense. You weren't anywhere associated with strong memories, just impressions, surface thoughts."

"I guess. All of the ones at the beginning were like that. Annoying, but nothing I couldn't handle. But I guess that changed." He turned toward Sheppard. "If I'd known how strong they would get, I wouldn't have asked you to do what you did. Actually," he said cringing a little, "it may have been a good idea for someone to be there with me when things started getting…strange….eh, stranger than they were."

John held his gaze for several moments. "You didn't know it would get that bad. It sounds like you really did just think there were a few remnants to take care of. I don't blame you for it, but I'm also not letting you go anywhere alone until I'm sure this is solved."

"Burned those bridges, did I"?

"Let's just call it a safety precaution. Believe it or not, I like you, Rodney. Breaking in a new geek would take far too much effort."

McKay scowled at him. "Thanks. You're all heart."

"Any time, McKay. I live to serve."

He held Sheppard's gaze for a long moment before turning back to Carson, clapping his hands together. "So, we all done here?"

A small smile was playing around Carson's lips. "You tell me. I'm willing to leave you to Colonel Sheppard for a bit if you want to try and work this out on your own. He knows where to find me if you start to back-slide at all. We can actually try accessing the information tomorrow if you feel up to it."

Rodney felt his hopeful expression drooping a little. "I figured…we had out little heart-to-heart…Hey, I even apologized. I thought we were done."

Carson stood up and moved to the bed, sitting down next to Rodney. "Look, I know this is hard, lad. Believe me when I say I want this over nearly as much as you do. I just don't want another incident like today, or worse, when you're out in the field somewhere. Work with me, okay?"

"Fine," he finally said, slumping a little on his bed. "But does he have to stay here?"

Carson's laugh was a bit brittle. "Trust me, if I could make him stop, I would. I've pointed out that the military has better things to do than follow civilians around, but if I bring that up again directly, he'll seal the East Pier."

"He'll do what! He can't just close off a section of the city!"

"Aye, that's what I said." Rodney spotted the hardening expression on John's face, and the faintly amused one on Lorne's. "But as you can see, I was'na successful in my arguments."

"I seem to have missed that conversation, eh?"

"Don't worry about it. I'll behave myself, and it won't be an issue."

Rodney raised an eyebrow. "Leaving the sheep alone tonight, are you?"

"Actually, it's more that I don't think I can ditch him again. He already got a date with one of my nurses out of the first attempt, but I get the feeling making another attempt will only result in a very uncomfortable conversation."

"Doc, I am in the room you know," Lorne said.

Carson didn't even turn around. "I sometimes wonder, Rodney, if all the training they receive might just make them a tad bit too controlling. They really don't give us much bloody choice, do they?"

"Usually, no," Rodney agreed. "They tend to demand unquestioning obedience, have you noticed that? It's almost like they want drones or something backing them up."

"If the two of you are done…" John reached over and hauled Carson to his feet, passing him off to Lorne. "Rodney, get some sleep. We'll pick this up again tomorrow. Lorne, see that Beckett does the same."

"Excuse me! I do have things to attend to, Colonel." Carson was glaring again, trying to shake the other soldier off his arm. "Rodney, he likes you better, make him stop this madness."

McKay shook his head. "It's bad enough that we're going to have all of Atlantis talking about our overnight guests. I'm not sure anything I do will make it better."

"You're the genius, and you spend more time with the military than I do. Isn't there an off command or something?"

"If there is one, I haven't found it yet, but trust me," Rodney said, raising an eyebrow toward Carson, "I have been looking."

"All right, we'll try this again tomorrow." He managed to yank his arm free for moment, and his face got serious once again. "Rodney, I'll have my radio on all night. If you need me for anything..."

"Maybe to get Sheppard out of quarters…"

"Well, aye, other than that. I'll try working on a military repellant or something in my off hours." He smiled.

"I'm sure I can come up with something," he added. "I do make my own sunscreen. How much harder could that be?"

"Between us, we could make their lives miserable. I wonder why we put up with this sort of treatment."

"Well," Rodney said, his gaze shifting to Sheppard and Lorne, "right now they're not very happy and they've been caressing those guns of theirs for a while."

"Aye, do you suppose we should pretend to give in for now and do as they ask? For safety reasons, of course."

"See, I'm not so sure about that," he said, watching Sheppard's face tighten down even further. "I don't think they'd hurt either of us deliberately. And I know Doctor Weir would…frown upon it, too. So, we might actually have a bit more leeway than we think to…push the envelope, so to speak."

Carson perked up at that. "You know, I hadn't considered that—"

"Lorne! Out. Now." John was glaring at both civilians, looking like he would cheerfully shoot them both. Lorne grabbed Carson's arm and hauled him out of the room, even as Beckett protested.

John turned his gaze to Rodney, his face set in a hard mask. "So?"

"So?" Rodney returned the glare.

"Are you going to make this difficult?"

"What answer do you want to hear? Which one will make you go away?"

"No answer will make me go away." John dropped into the recently vacated chair. "But we can do this the hard way, with you fighting me about it, or we can do it the easy way, where we talk for a bit, you get some sleep, then you and Beckett solve this and everything goes back to normal."

"Talking is overrated," Rodney said, scowling as he crossed his hands over his chest. "And I'm hungry."

John raised an eyebrow at him and then touched his radio. "Sheppard to the mess. I need you to bring dinner for two to McKay's quarters. He's under medical lock-down. Sheppard out." He gave Rodney a tight smile. "Problem solved."

"That's not funny."

"That's because you don't have my refined sense of humor."

"Refined? You laugh at fart jokes. I call that anything but refined."

"You just don't see the beauty of a well-crafted fart joke. I can't help it if you are a deprived individual."

Rodney snorted and shuffled back on his bed so he was leaning against the wall, the pillows at his back. "That comment doesn't deserve an answer."

"Wow, I never thought I'd see the day when the great Rodney McKay was struck speechless by a fart joke. And not even an actual one, just a conversation about them."

"There is no speechlessness involved here, Sheppard. The whole concept of beauty in a fart joke is just so ridiculous that it doesn't deserve any of my genius brain cells." The door chimed and Sheppard rose to his feet, moving toward the door.

"Right, I've heard some of the jokes the scientists tell in the lab. They generally involve micro-particles and concepts no one except other brilliant minds understands." He waved a soldier inside, wheeling a cart. The man parked it in the middle of the room, and quietly left. "But a fart joke, now anyone can get that. That's what makes them great. Humor that only five people out a thousand actually gets isn't very good humor."

Instead of responding, however, Rodney was staring wide-eyed at the cart, his gaze firmly fixed on the metal reflecting the light in the room.

"Shit. Rodney!" Sheppard was next to him in a second, one hand on his shoulder. "Come on, Rodney, you have to control it, like Carson told you. Don't let it overwhelm you."

He tilted his head, his eyes not leaving the cart. "They had a whole bunch of carts just like that."

"What were they used for?" The hand hadn't left his shoulder.

He shrugged, feeling the weight of Sheppard's hand. "Lots of things. Naquadah can be so heavy."

"Naquadah? I thought they used zero-point energy. The only naquadah we have here is what we brought with us."

"They use it in a lot of things," Rodney said. "It's a component in the ZedPM casing. Something about it helps to amplify the energy while containing the subspace field. Even some of the nanites are made with particles of naquadah. But they used this batch for something bigger."

"Bigger? Like the generators?"

"No," he said, his forehead furrowing for a moment, before relaxing, his gaze turning to Sheppard. "But I can show you."

John's face was a mix of concern and curiosity. "I'm not sure that's a good idea. I want to know, but Rodney..."

He shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Can I get my tablet? I want to jot a few things down."

John looked at him for a long time. "Rodney... If I take you where you want to go, can you guarantee me you won't be in any danger?"

He thought for a moment, letting memories mix. "I…don't know. I think the storm may have damaged part of the section and I don't remember if the crews have been able to get there yet. Just give me my tablet," he said, his fingers wiggling, demanding the computer.

John sighed, getting up to get the computer from the desk. "Are you always this needy in the bedroom?"

Rodney shot him an amused look. "You'd like to know, wouldn't you?"

"Sorry McKay," Sheppard drawled, "I'm afraid you're not my type."

"Good to know, Colonel," he said grabbing the stylus and tablet from John, already pulling up a blank document even before it was settled in his lap. He started writing, equations and formulas covering the page within a few seconds. He only paused when Sheppard's hand covered his, stopping it from moving.

"Slow down. This isn't a race, and you have been sick. I don't want to have to explain how I let you injure yourself while I was sitting right here watching."

"I have to get this down. Worst I'll get is writer's cramp."

John gave him a hard look. "You have ten minutes, then you're stopping to eat. You can pick it back up after that if you want to."

"Fine. But if I forget some life-altering scientific experiment it's all your fault."

"I can live with that."

Rodney huffed, glancing down at where Sheppard was still gripping his hand. "So, you planning on letting go anytime soon?"

John hesitated, then let go. "Don't over-do it."

"Me?"

"Yeah, you, Doctor Work-Till-You-Drop."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he said, his hand already moving quickly, the stylus writing down every line and notation as they poured from his mind. Page after page followed, his hand aching, but he didn't want to give up, couldn't. Everything depended on him getting this right.

John was silent while he worked, until suddenly the stylus was pulled out of his hand. "Time's up for the moment." He held a plate of food in the other hand, and he offered it to him.

"Give me that back," he demanded, hold his hand out. "I'm not done."

"Too bad. You can have it after you eat. When was the last time you had something other than a quick PowerBar?"

"Give me the stylus, Nigel. I have to finish these notations."

His face shut down completely, all emotion blanked out. "What did you just call me?"

"Nigel. What else would I call you? Now give that back."

"My name is John. John Sheppard. Rodney, you're lost in another memory. Get control of it, McKay." His voice was quiet, but held a note of absolute command.

"And if I don't get these notations finished, who knows what might happen to the La Grange Point satellite. I need to get these uploaded to the mainframe."

"McKay."

"Stylus. Now," he said snapping his fingers. "I don't have time for this."

John was suddenly right in front of him, his hands on his arms, squeezing almost to the point of pain. "Rodney! Get control of it! This is just a memory. Don't let it control you!"

"What are you doing?" he said, trying to struggle, trying to break free. "Just let me…I only have a few more pages of notations."

"Rodney!" John's voice held a note of desperation. "You need to snap out of it!"

"Just let me finish," he whined, his voice dropping down to a low tone.

"This isn't your work. You need to snap out of it." John tightened his grip, shaking him slightly.

"Ow! But what if it's important, Colonel?"

John's eyes widened, and he dropped back, looking haggard. "Rodney, please tell me you know who the hell you are again."

"I'm pissed off you won't let me write down some formulas and equations."

"You called my Nigel! Rodney, you're hovering between two damn worlds and I don't know how to stop it from happening!" John was up and pacing now.

"I don't know what to tell you!" He yelled back. "What does it hurt to write down some equations on a tablet PC? Do you think this is any more fun for me? I know I wrote this, but I don't remember it. I'm going to spend weeks trying to figure it out."

"And see, that's what has me concerned! A stupid metal cart set you off this time, and you aren't even trying to control it! You just slip into this other person's memories without any warning!"

Rodney sighed, all the fight going out of him. "Can we just leave it for now? I just…I can't deal with this or you right now."

Fear, hurt, concern, and anger all flashed across John's face. "Damnit, Rodney... Fine, I'll be outside your door. You don't go anywhere." He turned and walked away.

"Can you call Carson for me?" he asked before John stepped outside.

John stopped but didn't look back. He reached up to his radio. "Lorne, this is Sheppard. Get Beckett back to Rodney's quarters ASAP."

"He may want to stop at the infirmary," Rodney said, sighing.

"Why?"

"Right now I want Carson to sedate me so I can just sleep and forget about everything for a while. And it'll solve your problem, too. I won't be going anywhere. Just ask him, will you."

John jerked slightly, still not turning around. "Lorne, tell Beckett McKay's requesting sedation. Sheppard out."

"Thank you," he said, leaning back against the pillows, and closing his eyes, hating himself and the entire situation. It wasn't long before he heard the door slide open.

"Rodney..." Sheppard's voice was quiet and filled with emotion. But he didn't finish the sentence. The sound of the door sliding shut let McKay know the Colonel had moved outside.

McKay opened an eye, looking at the food still sitting on the cart. Swinging his feet over the edge of the bed, he shuffled over, picking at some of the items, washing them down with a few swallows of water. He returned to the bed a few minutes later, leaving the bottle on his bedside table, the tablet PC standing on its side on the floor, the equations saved to a file on the desktop.

The door slid open a few moments later to reveal Beckett backed by both Lorne and Sheppard.

"Rodney, Colonel Sheppard said you wanted me to sedate you?" Carson wasn't even trying to hide his fear or concern.

"You heard right. Just stick in the needle or give me the pill. Whatever it is I don't care."

"You've never, in all of history, ever asked to be sedated. Usually it's the other way around. What happened after I left?"

"I need to forget for a little while. I can't deal with Colonel Freak-out right now either."

Carson's eyes flashed to Sheppard, who was standing there with no expression whatsoever on his face, then back to Rodney. "Rodney... I'll sedate you if you think you need it, but not here, especially since you don't want Colonel Sheppard to stay. The drugs are too powerful to leave you unsupervised."

"Whatever. Just make it go away for a little while."

Carson's eyes were worried, but after a long hesitation, he gave in. "All right, the infirmary then. Someone is there on duty all night."

"Fine," he said, rising to his feet, grabbing the bottle of water from the table as he trailed behind Beckett. They walked to the infirmary in silence, Lorne and Sheppard forming the rear guard.

Beckett settled him in a bed at the far end of the main ward, giving him at least a modicum of privacy.

"Are you sure about this?" Carson had an IV line pulled over, and paused before inserting it.

Rodney held his gaze for a moment. "Do you think I would have asked if I wasn't?"

"I just wanted to make sure. You know I don't like this, right?" He found the vein on Rodney's arm and with a practiced moved had the line in and taped down.

"You're a vampire by trade. Always taking blood and taking this, that and the other thing. At least now you've giving something back. This shouldn't be a difficult thing to do." He paused, watching him connect all the lines. "What's with the IV? I didn't ask for that."

Carson sighed, but he hooked the line up to a waiting bag of clear fluid. "You haven't had much more than PowerBars for the last few days, which is fine for the short term, but will do more harm than good in the long run. If I'm going to have you here, I'm giving you a dose of good nutrients."

Once he had the drip started, He took a needle off a nearby tray, pausing again. "Don't plan on making a habit of this. It's a one-time thing unless you can come up with a valid medical reason. I'm worried about you, and that's the only reason I'm doing it now. This is dangerous, Rodney."

"No more dangerous than living in a galaxy infested with life-sucking aliens," he commented, watching as Carson paused just before pressing the needle into the IV port.

"Aye, but I have no control over the life-sucking aliens. I'm not going to get one of my patients addicted to strong sleeping medications."

Rodney's eyes slid over to where Lorne and Sheppard stood watching, the latter's face cold and hard. "Just do it already."

Carson shook his head, but carefully injected it into the IV port. "You'll have about ten minutes before you should be out completely."

"Good," Rodney said, shifting a little, pulling the blanket up higher on his chest. "Thank you," he added quietly.

Carson rested one hand on his arm, squeezing lightly. "We'll figure this out, Rodney. I promise."

"Yeah, I guess," he said, letting his body relax into the mattress.

The hand tightened briefly. "We will."

He shrugged a little, already feeling the pull of sleep. "Make sure Zelenka takes a look at the tablet," he said, his voice already slurring a little.

"I'll make sure he stops by tomorrow when you wake up. You can tell him yourself. Now go to sleep."

His eyelids were getting heavier, refusing to stay open any longer. "Yes, mom," he said faintly as the drug finally pulled him under and he slept.

xxx