Chapter 10 : Stupid Cape Guy, The Medicine Guy, and Tubby

It's been a looong time since I updated. (Well, at least to me.) We have some humor in here. Yep...Enjoy ! :D

(Last time on PKC Abridged...)

" HEY ! THAT WAS SUICUNE ! "

Kris turned around, paled, and moaned as she spotted someone wearing a cape. A fruity cape.

" Son of a bitch. Anybody but him. NOOOOOOOOOO ! "

(Stupid Cape Guy)

Eusine gawked at Kris for a few minutes before his shut his jaw closed. " Whaddya mean, anybody but me ? Aren't I cool ? "

-.- " No. You are a stupid cape guy. "

/.\ " Oh...well...was that Suicune ? "

" ...Duuuuuuur. "

" Oh. I only caught a quick glimpse, and then as I was trying desperately to get away from the Tentacool-infested water, I thought I saw Suicune actually running on water. This proves it. Suicune is the creator of all pokemon. "

T.T " I'm guessing you haven't paid attention in history classes. ARCEUS IS THE CREATOR OF ALL POKEMON ! HO-OH CREATED SUICUNE ! AND NINTENDO CREATED US, R-TARD ! "

V.V " You're speaking mumbo-jumbo again, Gold. I don't get you. "

" ...It's Kris, dumb-ass. "

" Wow. Anyway, Suicune is the bestest pokemon ever. It races through towns and roads very quickly, just like a cheetah. It's wonderful, but the biggest question is this - how come you've seen Suicune up close only after two weeks, while I've been searching for it for seven years ? "

" Uh, maybe it's because you're a stalker ? "

" Probably. Anyway, I've decided this. If I battle you and I win, I might be able to win Suicune's respect and see her in her majestic glory ! "

" Probably not. "

" Huh ? "

Kris groaned. " Suicune isn't like that. She's not stupid like that hairy gerbil Entei is. She'd probably freeze you with ice beam, kick you in a dumpster, and go off to some kind of food festival or something like that. That's how most women are, but of course you wouldn't know that, because you're an idiot. "

" Really ? It doesn't make very much sense. "

-.- " Of course it doesn't. You're a guy. "

" Oh. Any other evidence ? "

" Yeah. This. "

The blue-green hair girl grabbed a bucket of honey from her backpack and dumped it onto Eusine's head. She grinned. " For once Mom's terrible cooking is useful in a situation. "

Eusine shuddered as he licked the sticky liquid. " A very, very amazing technique, Gold. "

DX " I'M KRIS ! "

" Whatever. Anyway, no wonder pokemon worship you ! "

" No...they...don't...you idiot. "

" Hmm. I will continue to search for Suicune. "

" Why ? "

" 'Cause the script pays me to do that...and I'm obsessed..."

O.o " Okay, then..."

" We will see each other again, and when we do, I will fight for Suicune's wonderful respect ! "

T.T " Whatever. "

" See ya ! "

-poof!-

Kris sweatdropped. " Damn, that has got to be one of the most annoying guys I know, besides Gold and Swifter. "

" SIIIIIIIIIIILVEEEEEEEEER ! IT'S SIIIIIIIIIILVEEEER ! "

The girl's sweatdrop grew bigger. " Strange. I thought I just heard Swifter's voice somewhere. Meh. Must be my imagination. "

As Kris walked to Cianwood City, Silver started to curse as he was dangling from a rope that Lugia was swinging around. " Damn you, Kris ! "

(Lugia) " Nuuuuuuuh ? "

(Silver) O.O " Don't do it..."

" NUUUUUUUUUUUUH ! "

The Lugia dropped the rope and Silver fell into the water. His cheeks flared. " Gotdamn overfed silver beast ! Damn it, I hate Nintendo ! "

(The Medicine Guy)

Kris stepped into the small mobile trailer where the pharmacist lived. It was very small and dilapidated. Light fixtures dangled loosely from the ceiling. Chinese cartons were thrown all over the uncarpeted floor. Piles of records by Pink Floyd and Led Zepplin were stacked into giant towers.

The girl sweatdropped. " How come every house that I visit is cruddy, crappy, and a dive ? " she muttered to herself. " Damn. "

She took a few steps into the kitchen. A man with large glasses was on top of a circular table, sleeping with a bottle of cough syrup clutched in his hands. Kris scratched her head out of frustration. " Oh, great, this has got to be the fourth time I stepped inside a man-made dump. I better wake him up, though, or Jasmine won't give me my badge and I'll be screwed at beating the Elite Four. "

Kris stepped up to the man and nudged him with her hand. " Yo, dude. I need help with a potion antidote for a gay evolved sheep thingie..."

No response. Kris grew an anger mark near her forehead. " Hell-ooo ? Hell-ooooo ?! "

Nothing.

" GOTDAMN IT, YOU FLIPPIN' HIPPIE, GET UP ! "

BACKPACK'D !

" Zur-zuh ? What the hell ?..."

The man woke up abruptly to see Kris hovering over him with furrowed eyebrows. He shuddered. " Damn, man, it's Frankenstein's bride, man. "

Kris's cheeks flared. " My name is Kris. I heard you're the town's pharmacist. "

" Yeah, but your pokemon appear to be fine and dandy. No medicine for you. "

" What the- I didn't even take my pokemon out of their pokeballs ! How the hell do you know that they're okay ?! "

" I have visions, man. Oh, and I read some of the script in the game. It's the boss, man. "

" Riiiiight. "

" But I do have some cough medicine if you want to get high. "

" Uh, I'm eleven..."

" So ? Anybody can get stoned. It's legal. "

" NO, IT'S NOT ! "

" Well...whatever. What do you want with me, anyway ? Are you gonna narc on me 'cause I'm growing weed in my toilet ? "

o.o " You're growing weed in your toilet ? "

" ...Never mind. "

Kris sweatdropped. " Do you know this girl named Jasmine ? She's this stupid gym leader, and she wants me to get some sort of antidote for this flippin' Ampharos. "

The pharmacist gasped. " Amphy ? He's sick ? "

V.V " I do believe I just said that. "

" Wow. I think I have something that can cure it. "

-Kris receives the SecretPotion !-

Kris stared at the bottle that was called SecretPotion by the unknown voice. The pharmacist grinned. " Whatever Amphy's got, this magic bottle will make sure he's healed. It's only for emergencies, though. Oh, and it will not cure violent diarrhea. "

" Any side effects ? "

" Well...he'll hallucinate pretty badly for a couple of days, but he won't mind. Trust me. "

T.T " Yeah...I'm going to go now. "

" Okay. Bye, Talking Butterfinger. "

O.O " Bye..."

(Tubby)

Sign : Cianwood City Pokemon

Gym Leader : Chuck

His Roaring Fists Do the Talking (and His Growling Stomach Does the Thinking)

Kris facefaulted. " Where the hell is that assistant guy ? "

The eleven-year old had stepped inside the gym with confusion, but that feeling quickly disappeared and was replaced with relief. " Finally, I get peace and quiet for once, " she muttered to herself.

She walked up to where the gym leader was sitting and sweatdropped. Chuck had a lot of muscle, a lot of baldness...

And was a fifty-five pounds overweight man that was eating a bag of...fried hot dogs ?

" Oh, my God, this guy looks like he's never touched a vegetable in his life ! " Kris exclaimed.

Chuck turned his head around to the trainer and dropped his bag. " D-WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ! So, you've come this far to challenge me, eh ? "

T.T " No, it's because of a stupid evolved sheep thing. "

" Oh. Well, I'n tough ! My pokemon will crush stones, shatter bones, and throw out outdated telephones ! Watch this ! "

The obese man turned to a boulder. " Do you see this boulder ? I WILL CRUSH IT ! URGGGH ! OOOOAAAARGHHH ! "

(...silence...)

And then the boulder fell on Chuck's feet.

" OOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW ! GOTDAMN SON OF A BITCH ! THAT HURT ! "

Kris rolled her eyes. " What a loser. You seriously need to try a salad sometime. "

/.\ " So...you're not scared ? "

" No. "

" Well, my pokemon are tough, and I am tough too ! "

" Your toughness has absolutely nothing to do with your pokemon. "

" What ?! You're kiddin'. "

" Dude, I am not kidding. "

" It's so true ! "

" No...it's not. "

" Fine ! Let's battle, then ! "

" Okay, Pudgy. "

Chuck : Let's gooooo, Primeape !
(Primeape pops out)
Kris : Come on, Jessie !

(Jessie pops out.)

Chuck : Uh, what was that attack with the chopping ?
Kris : USE SURF !
Jessie : Kooky-kooky !
(Jessie uses surf ; TOTAL K.O)
Chuck : Shit. That is sooo not fair. Okay, let's go...Poliwrath !

(Poliwrath pops out.)

Kris : Cool. I've always wanted a Poliwrath.
Jessie : /.\ Kooky.
Kris : T.T Don't get so offended. Anyway, use Vicegrip !
Chuck : Uhhhhh...Dynamic Punch !
(Jessie uses Vicegrip ; Poliwrath loses 1/4 HP)
(Poliwrath uses Dynamic Punch; Jessie loses 2/4 HP and is now confused )
Kris : Gotdamn it...Jessie, return !
(Jessie pops in.)

Kris : Let's go, Bob !
(Bob pops out)
Bob : Chiiiiiika-chi. Kris : Gotdamn it, you're so selfish. You can't be in any battle, you know.
Bob : Chi. (Meh)
Kris : -.- Use Vine Whip !
(Bob uses Vine Whip. It's super-effective ! TOTAL K.OOOOOO.D )
Chuck : SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT !

(Ten minutes later...)

Chuck groaned. " Here's your badge. "

(Kris receives StormBadge !)

" Now...get out...I'm gonna splurge on McDonalds. "

Kris shrugged. " Sure thing, Tubby. "

As Kris stepped out of the gym, she sighed. " Best...gym battle...ever. "

She picked up a thing that looked like a C.D. " Oh, and look. His wife dropped the Fly HM. Must be my lucky day. "

A few seconds passed before Kris sighed. " Well, I better get back to Olivine. Come on, Jessie. "

" Kooky ! "

And so Kris was on her path back to Olivine City.

End